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113: Creating Emotional Safety in Relationships w/ Coach Kavita · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. Love is always the answer. We all seem to be incomplete without romantic love. We will do anything, including abandoning ourselves in hopes of finding it. Today, I'm thrilled to have a true expert in the world of dating and relationships with us.
• 0:35
  Coach Kavita with over 13 years of experience transforming men's love lives. She's been featured in New York Times and Global News, and today she's here to share her wisdom with us. Whether it's breaking free from the nice guy syndrome or navigating the complexities of online dating, Kavita helps men find confidence, joy, and their path to true love. Let's get real and dive in. Welcome, my friend. Thank you. How are you, Kelly? Kelly?
• 1:04
  I am lovely. I want to start this off with some massive superlatives. As I said before the show, you're, I think, the fifth love relationship person, and I enjoy doing it, but this is the one that's very special to me because I've got to witness your journey, and you're the hardest working person ever.
• 1:24
  And there's no deserves in this world. There's only earned. And you are a walking definition of that. I'm so proud of you. And I'm honored to have you on the show and share you with our listeners, which is about 85% men right now. We're working on changing that, but 85% men. So gentlemen that listen to this, that are looking for love in all the wrong places, because I've been there.
• 1:47
  Listen to Kavita. She's going to give you some dimes today. And we're going to start off with your personal journey, just so you understand people, where she came from and why she's here talking to you about dating and relationships. You've had a fascinating journey in the dating coaching world, but it hasn't always been smooth. Can you share some of your personal challenges or tragedies you faced and how they've influenced you, your approach to love and dating?
• 2:15
  I can share. And I think this is going to be lesson one, which is just the importance and power of vulnerability, especially in a world like today where I really call the dating world the wild, wild west. It can feel very hard to navigate and something is coming at you from every direction. So I'm
• 2:41
  To pause and be real and even understand what that looks like and means is necessary to succeed in your love life. Yeah, I do what I do because I had to...
• 3:02
  start over one day many years ago. And my life was kind of just completely thrown out of whack. And I...
• 3:17
  lost my boyfriend of 10 years, my high school sweetheart, um, best friend since we were 13 years old in a car accident. About 12 years ago. And, you know, at the age of 26, when I thought everything was mapped out for me and this is how it's going to be. And this is the person I'm going to marry. And, and, um,
• 3:45
  obviously for something like that to happen, it is a tragedy. It's, he was 27 at the time and everything changed for me. Right. And I just threw, while it was very challenging and the healing process was very long. Um, and it's still, it's still, still healing. Um, what I realized is that
• 4:08
  the rules didn't apply to me anymore. Um, I was never going to follow some sort of like you do this and then you do this and then you get married and then you have like it, nothing mattered anymore. Um,
• 4:20
  And I really just started to, from that point in life and in my love life, play by my own rules, which in that state meant doing what felt intuitively right at any moment. And that's not to say it was always the right way to behave or the way to act. But I just had to do what was right for me and not for others and really block out the noise.
• 4:47
  So that's where it started. And now I am in a while I'm wildly happy in a beautiful relationship, happier than I've ever been. And I just never thought I would be able to get here.
• 5:03
  And I think a lot of people feel that way without having to go through a tragedy. But they may feel like this is never going to happen for me. I'm never going to be happy. I'm never going to be that person who's, you know, hand in hand walking down the, you know, long beach at the sunset. Like that vision just doesn't feel real. I, you know.
• 5:27
  Sugar coated that a little bit. I know you, so I'm going to throw it in it. This was the love of her life at that time. So she was cruising along thinking that everything was in place, that she was about to live the life of her dreams. And boom, God said, whoa, I got another plan for you. And she said, I'm going to go back to you.
• 5:47
  I've done a lot of healing. I've done a lot of work. I've talked to a lot of dating coaches. That's how the Heart of the Life podcast, the Heart of the Life brand started was out of love. I kept looking for love in all the wrong places. And I said, what is going on? And the first thing I had to eliminate was my stinking thinking, my bad behaviors, my
• 6:06
  because I was hanging out in honky tonks and bars and I was making, meeting honky tonk and bar type women. So that's the first thing. So I've done a lot that that's little be known. That's how this whole brand started was out of love. And then I figured out real quickly, I wanted to love myself. And once I started loving myself, I could attract more healthy people. So I was going somewhere with that and I completely lost my train of thought. So where I was going, I know what this is, is, is
• 6:33
  What do you think that God wanted you to learn between these two relationships? I think the first thing is that it took me a long time to separate what happened to him from.
• 6:51
  from my story. So for me in the beginning, especially at such a young age, it was very like, this is all about me and my relationship with him and our love is gone now and we're not going to have this anymore. And it was very, very almost like, almost like selfish. It's not. And I've, you know, gone through all the therapy and been told like, it's so normal to have thought that way about it.
• 7:16
  But a big part of it was through of the healing was like realizing that he had his own journey separate from me. What happened to him is not about me only. A lot of people were affected by it. And of course, it's about him. And this, I don't know. I still don't know exactly. But if this was his path. Yeah.
• 7:45
  That was a big realization. For me, what it had taught me was that, you know, it wasn't, this was the love of my life. I've said it before. I have his name, you know, tattooed right here on my wrist, which I got after his passing.
• 8:01
  Um, you know, like I said, we went to prom, like we went to prom together, the high school sweethearts, like it was all there, but it was not the perfect relationship. And there was a lot of heavy stuff and there was a lot of toxic stuff. And I feel as much as I love him and I, you know, and, and all of that is still there for me personally in my journey. Um, yeah.
• 8:30
  I had to heal from that. And now he's not here to to help with that in any way. But I had to heal from that and stepping into this new relationship before I was ready and before I knew I was doing it. I had these very strong feelings.
• 8:50
  boundaries. And I had very clear standards for myself. I knew so crystal clear from a, I couldn't articulate it at the time, but I knew from a feeling, from a, from a feelings perspective, what I would and would not put up with what I knew was, or was not for me. Um, and maybe I didn't do
• 9:14
  partner, you know, I would say like, I will never put up with this, like, you know, a word like this, no one can ever like speak to me this way. Like I, I just kind of knew what was right for me and what was not right for me from that point on. Um, and it was a game changer.
• 9:33
  Being able to communicate that finally and sharing that and really never settling after that point for less than I knew I deserved. So my integrity mattered, that my self-respect mattered. And that really changed the game in love. A complete one in the week.
• 9:53
  It took eight minutes before we got to boundaries and standards of the dating relationship, which is amazing to me. But I will tell you, the first time we did, when we first met, I was trying to figure out the correlation and you just said it. You were meant to heal from something. And you did a double on top where you healed the hurt on your heart from losing this person, but also in the process healed everything else to become the perfect person.
• 10:22
  the partner that you wanted to attract. So in effect, and I don't want to speak ill will this, and if I'm out of line, just tell me, but I believe that if you can look back at your
• 10:34
  that maybe just maybe being the Kavita you are now, you may not have stayed with him. You may have stayed with him too long, like everybody does, and then resented him and then broke up. But looking back, I'll bet you that you see some of the abandonment of yourself and that you stayed into that relationship. And that's what goes on. That's where I'm going to, is the next question is,
• 11:01
  By the way, everybody should follow Kavita at Dashing Date on Instagram, at Dashing Date. She also has a website. It's kavitacoach.com. She's on YouTube. Guys.
• 11:14
  She's one of the hardest working people. I mean, I know I've had other romance people on, but this one is very special, like I said in the intro. And she's working her tookus off. She's a master of her craft and learning and constantly evolving. I met her in a mastermind, Dan Martell's mastermind, which if you guys aren't following Dan, he's blowing up. So she's working really, really hard at improving her craft.
• 11:43
  We're going to get into nice guy syndrome, but I'm going to deviate from questions for just a quick second. Just ask, why in the heck is dating so hard? I'm going to take a second. I wanted to do it before as well, because you were so kind before. I'm just going to take a second to soak that in and receive it, because that is definitely another, like less a dating lesson, which is.
• 12:08
  slowing down and actually taking a moment to accept and receive. And a lot of
• 12:15
  the struggles, and we'll get into that, a lot of the struggles with dating today is not actually being able to receive love. There is a block. So I'm going to soak that in. Thank you for saying that. It has been... The last five months even has been... And you called it when we spoke five months ago. You're like, when we meet and we do this podcast, everything's going to have changed for you. And it has. Yeah.
• 12:41
  So I'm going to soak that in. And thank you so much for saying that. So grateful for you. Okay, back to your question. Why is dating so hard? I think a big part of it, we make it hard. We make the choice to make it complicated. We go along because dating, like separate from our other areas of growth in our lives, dating involves other people.
• 13:11
  So it really requires you to be so grounded and anchored in what you stand for. That otherwise, if you don't have that, if you're not connected to your values, if you don't know what those are, if you don't know what you're out there looking for, if you don't know what you stand for, if that self-love is not where it needs to be, you're going to go along for this crazy roller coaster ride because then you will be at the mercy of whatever is coming your way.
• 13:42
  Because other people are involved. So that is what makes it really challenging. Guys, if you want to work with Kavita, send her, you know, Kavita, you have a special offer for the listeners. Why don't you throw that out there now?
• 13:58
  Yeah, thanks. Well, you can DM me on Instagram for my free ultimate guide to approaching women anywhere. This is one of the biggest things, right? Every guy that messages me is like, I hate dating apps. How do I get my approach game strong? How do I... I hate using this word, but I'm going to use it just for the sake of...
• 14:18
  you know, connecting with the audience, like the cold approach. How do you walk up to a woman anywhere, anytime? And it is so important to learn because the world is your playground. Once you learn this skill, if you can go up to a woman with confidence and kindness and be respectful, you can land numbers and Instagrams left, right and center. I've helped hundreds of men do this.
• 14:42
  So the cold approach, I love this. I was the king of cold approaches. You know what I would do too? Here's I'll give you the Kelly Siegel, Rico Suave move. And I will tell you one thing now that I'm healed and I've done all the work and I'm doing more work. I will tell you if you get shot down and turned down and you're polite, you're
• 15:06
  That's a red flag. No matter what she is, if she cannot have an adult conversation that's human and back and forth, move on. She's doing you a favor. So that's my first piece of advice. Second piece of advice is I always open the friend first. Go to the friend. I always talk with the friend.
• 15:27
  and compliment them and then turn to just make it unassuming. Now, Kavita, you've never met me in person. I'm a big dude. I'm 225 pounds of nothing but muscle. And I walk up and you feel my energy. So I know that I'm a big feeling coming. So I come in by disarming and being completely soft with the friend. And then I open up the one I really want to talk to.
• 15:54
  And it just, it's just, they, no matter what the person, if I go right up to them, which I've done both, I do both or used to do both. Um, uh, and it just scares them. It's scary because women aren't really used to men walking right up to them and having that, uh, what do they call it? BD BDE. Yeah.
• 16:18
  So I walk right. I am fearless. I haven't been that way my entire life. So that's just what I did to just disarm them. But then I learned that if you couldn't handle my big energy, then you're not going to handle me in a day. And it's it's this is not overcoming anything. It's just who I am. I am.
• 16:37
  I am happy. I am loving. I am kind. And if you're not, I'm going to scare the crap out of you. And that's okay. That's the part about loving yourself that you're like, oh, it's okay. That's not an, it's not a knock on me. I don't take that personal. Yeah. If I approach you and you shoot me down, it's okay. There's other ones.
• 16:57
  So another big thing that you talk about a lot. Oh, wait, let's talk about that a little deeper. Sorry, I just lost my ADD this morning. What is the number one approach advice that you have for people? And my question really would be,
• 17:14
  Do you, where do you recommend people approach people? Because everybody here in Michigan does bars. Bars is absolutely, I'm going to steal your thought. I can guarantee you bars is not it. Little, little Kelly Siegel tip, go to the gym early in the morning, find women at the gym early in the morning because they didn't go out drinking the night before and doing bad things. So, uh,
• 17:37
  Give us one tip of each. Where should they go open women? And what is a common easy line? I don't want to steal the thing or DM her approach at dashing date and she'll send you this.
• 17:52
  Yeah. So a couple of things. One, in the guide, so this ultimate guide for approaching women. So just DM me the word approach. I'm going to send you the full guide. It also includes 23 places to approach women organically. So all of that is covered as well as all the different ways to actually approach. But the number one thing, and you nailed it, which is, first of all, doing it from a place of figuring out who you are, right? So you're like, if you're not, if you can't handle this big energy, you're not for,
• 18:22
  me. And that is a super important reframe because when you're approaching women, putting all of that pressure on yourself by thinking that this is just about how she reacts to you. And this is about seeing if she's interested in you. It's actually about seeing how you react to her and if you're
• 18:44
  Right. And not putting it's not all about you, but it is about finding that balance. And that's what I was saying before about what's wrong with the dating scene today is it's this thinking about it in this very like one way street. And it's not right. So it can't just be about you and it can't just be about her. The mistake most men make is really if you don't have that much dating experience, which is typically the clientele I work with.
• 19:11
  client, it's men who are reentering the dating scene in some capacity, either because they have been in a relationship for a long time and then they never really dated. And now they've been single and they don't even know where to begin. Or often it's men who just never dated like the really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a lot of men in my group coaching program, for example, they've never had a girlfriend. Yeah.
• 19:37
  find that hard to believe. Because the people that you're probably going to get from me are people that were like me and are dating unhealed. And that should be a no-no because that's what I see out everywhere in my foibles. I love watching people try to get together and you could just... It's so predictable. It's like...
• 19:57
  you could just tell, oh, that's going to be a disaster. When you see two unhealed people matching, and I'm sure somewhere in these questions, you're going to get, I'm going to steal your thunder because I've done an extensive amount of work on this stuff, is I would tell you that...
• 20:13
  these two unhealed people, if you connect with somebody and you have those proverbial butterflies, you should probably run unless you're healed. But even then, it's not supposed to feel butterflies. You're supposed to feel calm if they're the right one. It's supposed to be peaceful and feel normal, completely normal, not the butterflies. The butterflies is a childhood wound that it's
• 20:43
  So help me, correct me if I'm wrong or add to that. Yeah, let me add to that. So I have a framework. It's called the feelings trifecta, which is so important because, again, you just said something that a lot of people don't think about, which is how am I?
• 21:01
  as an individual. So it can vary from person to person, but how am I supposed to feel? Like what should I be looking out for that is different from feelings that have led me down the wrong path before?
• 21:16
  So that's the way this is gold. What she's telling you right now is gold. If you keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, you've got to change something. And she's giving it to you. Sorry to interrupt. And guys, by the way, didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you she was a student of the game? She's learning. She has everything you guys need. Follow her at Dashing Date. Message her approach. This woman is changing the way dating is done. And we're going to get deep in it, but keep going on that.
• 21:43
  Kelly, thank you so much. Yeah. So the feelings right back is actually sitting back and thinking about what are the typical feelings that you have associated with relationships and love and lust and crushes? Like what have those been in the past? So typically if it, if it has been the butterflies, if it has been anxiousness, if it has been, um, kind of like this feeling of,
• 22:08
  Uh, going 10 steps ahead, like this feeling of rushing high energy, right? Sometimes these things like butterflies and high energy, you might think are good indications that you're interested in someone. However, if that has happened again and again and again, and landed you in the wrong spot, you might want to be like, you know what? I think I do want to feel calm. Right?
• 22:32
  I do want to feel this is this one's going to sound a little bit crazy, but what if even boredom was could be an indication of being on the right path because it's the opposite of anxiousness in a way. So it's kind of like not feeling overly stimulated or excited, but maybe that's a good thing.
• 22:54
  Because maybe you're actually going to go on this path of actually getting to know someone in a real way. So it's about identifying up to three feelings. I called it the feelings trifecta. Three feelings that you're looking to feel after spending time with someone that are indicators that, yes, I'm going to go on the second date.
• 23:16
  So that could be, I feel confident after this date. I felt instead of feeling insecure after a date, which makes you want to chase the person more. What if you actually felt confident after the date for a change? Which sometimes you're like, oh, well, this person isn't giving me what I need.
• 23:33
  Um, so what are those three? And there's so many examples. This is actually, I give this away for free in my community. So again, anyone that DMs me approach, I'll give them access and they'll be able to do this exercise. But that's really what it's about. And connecting to connecting to what that is. And then after a date, you know, before hopping on your phone and texting your friends or just scrolling through Instagram or whatever it is, taking a pause and being like, how do I feel right now?
• 24:03
  And seeing if any of those match and letting that guide you. Letting the work you did beforehand, trusting the person who is really in a centered and grounded place, that version of you who is in a centered and grounded place, trusting that person more than maybe who you are in that moment right after a date. Love it. So full vulnerability. When I started dating again after my heartbreak, I literally...
• 24:33
  wanted to feel the opposite. So anytime I felt the butterflies, I said, no, no, no, I want to feel the opposite of that. So that's how I've actually covered my whole life. It's always been, how do I want to parent? I parent the opposite of the way I was parented because it was so wrong. I want the opposite effect. So that's just a cheat code for us
• 24:58
  not smart men. I got so many questions in here. We got to run through nice guy syndrome. This is, this is a common thing since, since you guys, you have guys that don't, now I understand why you're a big nice guy syndrome person, because you date or you coach people that haven't had much and they tend to go into the nice guy syndrome. So how can it sabotage men in their dating lives? Can you explain what it is and how men move away from being overly agreeable to being authentic in their relationships?
• 25:26
  Yeah, the interesting thing about nice guy syndrome and why it's so why it can feel so complex and hard to break down is because men think that they're being nice, right? They think they're being nice, but it's actually a manipulative tactic ultimately on a subconscious level because you are behaving in a way that is not authentic to you. You're doing things that you don't actually want to do to get a result out of someone. Right.
• 25:55
  Um, so it can be, but when a woman cannot connect to you because you're not being authentic, it creates a barrier. So it's not going to work anyways, long-term it's not going to work. It will attract unemotionally available women who want to be put up on a pedestal, by the way. So it's not going to attract the kind of woman that you actually want to be with. So nice guy syndrome is being very agreeable. It's like being so agreeable.
• 26:23
  An example might be just being so thrilled that you're actually getting the date or getting this attention from this woman. So you will spend money on the fancy dinner. You'll, okay, she wants that. You'll buy the thing. You'll overspend. You will travel across town to meet her every time. You'll do all of these things that you actually don't want to be doing. You kind of want to say, I would rather watch this movie.
• 26:49
  If that's cool. Or I don't really feel like Italian again. Or it would be really helpful. I'm really tired this week. Is there any way you could come to my area, you know, today? And you will avoid being assertive. You will avoid speaking up. You'll be you'll avoid actually communicating your needs in a relationship because you are so scared of losing her.
• 27:16
  The worst part of it is you will lose her anyways. And yourself. And yourself. You'll lose her and yourself. Exactly. And that's why you end up, the relationship won't work, whether it's two dates, three dates, or it won't end up working.
• 27:31
  Another thing, and then you're left, sorry, then you're left feeling like I can't do this, but you don't really understand why, because you're like, but I was so nice. I did everything that she wanted. And then you feel even worse about yourself. So the scarier thing is,
• 27:48
  The not communicating your needs and desires in a relationship and not being asserted and not speaking up. I know that can be scary, but the scarier thing is actually the way you're going to feel by not doing that. Another thing that was a huge unlock for me in understanding this, and this was I learned from another love coach for women, was...
• 28:16
  A man who is unable to communicate that way and he doesn't feel safe within himself to share what he actually wants. And a man that cannot feel safe within himself cannot make a woman feel safe. And women at our core, we want to be able to feel safe with the man that we are going to be with.
• 28:42
  So women are also struggling with this, by the way, where they're like, he's so nice to me. He's willing to come and see me. He's willing to have Italian food again tonight. He's willing to watch, you know, rom-coms and chick flicks all day. Like, why am I not interested in him?
• 29:01
  So women are struggling with this too in that they think, oh, well, I don't like the nice guy. Why do I always go after the bad boy? So there is a whole thing happening on that end and that side of things. But what it comes down to is a man that doesn't feel safe within himself cannot make a woman feel safe. And that is ultimately what is going to bring two people together. It's a very important component in the early stages of dating and beyond.
• 29:30
  So what she's explaining is a trauma bond. You have two people getting together that don't feel safe and it never works. So when she speaks safety, guys, we're talking about emotional safety here. And I know because I'm a big dude and everybody feels safe around me because everybody's, I carry guns. I got guns. I'm a gun. I'm a big, I take care of everything. But when I was terrible at providing emotional safety and you want to know,
• 29:55
  Cat's out of the bag. I'm going to spoiler alert on this. Let me tell you the easiest way to provide emotional safety for women. Correct me if I'm wrong. Listen to them and don't solve all their problems. Don't solve any problems. Just listen.
• 30:08
  That is as easy as it is, guys. Literally, just how was your day? And then shut the F up. Don't need to solving. So-and-so was bad. So-and-so was bad. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Whoa. How did that feel? And that's it. That's what they need to be able to feel that they can tell you anything and you're not trying to solve it. You're not judging.
• 30:31
  And that creates the safety. And it'll create these conversations that will blow your mind and will bring you guys together. And the emotional intimacy that you will achieve from that is way better than any conversation
• 30:47
  emotionally unavailable woman begging for external validation from you that wants to take you home and freaking show you that she's worthy. Believe me what I just said, guys, that is, I made this change and it works every time. So emotional safety, not physical safety.
• 31:06
  Um, online dating. Let's talk about that. It's so popular with a massive surge of online dating. There are both advantages and pitfalls. What's your advice for navigating online dating effectively and creating genuine connections in such a digital world? Wait a minute. I just noticed how many times I've said genuine. Genuine.
• 31:24
  and authentic. And the funniest thing about it is in the emotional, energetic, vibrational frequency, that is either, that's like three and four or two and three. They're high. The number one is, forget, but it's not love. It's something. So love, vulnerability, and authenticity. They're all right at the top. So you can, even if you get your freak on, even if you're a freak,
• 31:48
  You'll find somebody else that's a freak. So genuine and authenticity, not, oh, I hope they like me. Just be you and the right people will be attracted to you because they're going to say, oh, I'm not alone. So again, sorry to steal your thunder, but I just noticed I keep saying genuine or authentic and vulnerable. So genuine connections in the digital world. Give us some online dating tips.
• 32:13
  Yeah, well, those were, I mean, I think it's fine. And I'm going to say, you know what, let's just keep repeating them because it really is the foundation and it should be the theme of this conversation. And we have to lean into that and embrace it as much as possible, even more. There's this quote, I wonder if I can find it, if it's close by. Yes, this is so good. Neil...
• 32:40
  Gaiman, the moment that you feel just possibly that you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That is the moment you might be starting to get it right. One caveat, one asterisk, guys. Don't do this on the first date. This is probably fourth grade.
• 33:08
  fifth date material stuff. Do not be the guy that shows up and just, here's my whole life. That is a turn off as well. Agreed. There is a way to date and there is not a follow this step by step exactly because there are going to be opportunities on a first date where things go there, but have...
• 33:33
  some sort of idea of how to approach dating. And a big part of it is keeping things light and fun and exciting in the beginning. But lightness, lightness on that first date, like I said, unless things go there naturally. But the way you're going to figure that out is with
• 33:51
  experience, not reading a book and then following the steps. It's going on date after date and really putting yourself out there and prioritizing this area of your life, just like you do any other area of your life. But I'll get into that. I'll get into that a little bit more. We got to go back to the online dating, but I want to caveat there because I just, I love this conversation because everybody deserves, everybody should earn their love and deserve it.
• 34:13
  Earn it by becoming a better person. You don't have to go out and love is unconditional. Just be yourself. But where I was going with it was, boy, I lost my train of thought, but it was about
• 34:25
  I don't know. You'll go back to the online dating. Yeah. Okay. I don't want to spend too much time on this and I'll explain why it's because there, as opposed to going out and experience and dating with online dating, the great thing about it is there is a formula to it. There is an approach. And unless you do it this way, you will never actually have any success online dating. And yeah,
• 34:53
  It's so simple, but step one, you have to have the most amazing photos. And a lot of guys get this so twisted. It is crazy. But if you figure it out, the beauty here is that because so many guys get it so wrong,
• 35:14
  If you're just able to figure out the photo thing, then you're like in that 1% of dating apps that women are actually paying attention to. I have a guide called the six magic photo guide. I will actually include it in the, so anyone who messages me approach in the DMs, I will include the six magic photo guide for you as well. But there are, there is a technique. There are photos that work, you know,
• 35:42
  Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Let me ask you a question of that. So we'll just stick to the photos. I never, first of all, I never did online dating ever because I own a company. I have a brand. I meet people everywhere I go. So it was never an issue for me meeting people. It was meeting the right people. By the way, I thought of what I was going to say. I made a list of what I wanted and there were certain non-negotiables. And if I was on a date,
• 36:07
  And they didn't meet. I was, the date was over. I wasn't, I wasn't being mean. I was like, okay, you know, this just isn't going to work for me. We can finish up our meal if we're meeting or whatever, but I'm just, this isn't going to work for me. And I would be polite about it, but it just, I knew exactly what I was looking for. I was, it was tough dating me because it was like a job interview.
• 36:28
  I would go there and I'd be like, okay, I would, and I would ask questions and I wouldn't let them know anything about me because I have a big person. I have a brand, everybody, a lot of people know me. So it was, I would only ask them questions and everything that asked me, I would turn it around on them and ask them because I was trying to get to no N O not K N O W. I was trying to get to, is there something about you? And there was a lot of them. It was,
• 36:51
  you know, do you work out? That's important to me. Do you, do you do mindfulness? Are you doing some sort of mind working on your mind, your body? Uh, you know, I, I knew exactly what I was looking for. And then it was funny. The second I stopped looking, it found me. So it's, it was, I was a tough one, but that was how maniacal. And you said, focus. That's what I meant. That's what I did to focus. Have you read the book, the game by Neil Strauss?
• 37:19
  I have purposely not read the book, The Game. Oh, it's so good. I will. And I agree. It's the opposite of nice guy syndrome. So basically, he nagged everybody. And you talked about nice guys chasing or getting emotional available women. It's the same thing. I was the king of the game. Someone says, have you read The Game? I'm like, why? They're like, because you literally...
• 37:47
  could have wrote that book. So I, and then I read it. I'm like, Oh my goodness. I guess I do do that. I liken it to, if you're in fish to use a fisherman thing, if you throw your bait out and you're trolling, you're going to, you're going to bring in little fish. Um,
• 38:03
  But if you just throw it out there and let it sit, you'll get the bigger ones. So whenever you're doing games and manipulation and trying to be, when you're being anything other than genuine and authentic, you're going to attract people that aren't genuine and authentic. And when you play these games, you guys have met under false pretenses. And of course, you're not going to be right for each other. So just, I'm going to go back to what Kavita said again, just be yourself, even if you're freaky.
• 38:30
  Or boring. I'm going to tell you right now. I'm the most boringest person on the face of this earth. Most boringest. But I'm pretty freaking successful. I love my life. And I say the same things. I have peace. I have clarity. And I have freedom. And that's it. But boredom to me probably looks like fun to everybody else. So she's right when she said, sometimes the right relationship for you is boring.
• 39:00
  Yeah, boy, that's a big one. There's like a whole like secure attachment thing. Like, I don't know. We didn't even get into the styles yet. I could do this all day with you. But let me, so I am going to, I'm going to say something very, very, very important. And it ties into what you said before. My advice is actually, there's a difference between be yourself and be authentic. Because a lot of people right now don't realize like,
• 39:30
  they have accumulated so much. They have, they have accumulated. So like, there's this, what's the best way to describe it? Like layers and layers of rejection and inexperience and, and,
• 39:46
  challenges in dating and relationships that they are actually not, they think they're being themselves. Like they've become this version of themselves that is so disconnected from their authentic selves. So I don't give the advice anymore to be yourself. If you have not done the healing and if you're operating from this very
• 40:10
  covered, armored, armored. Like, yeah, you are just like you have walls all around you. So that is actually not your authentic self. And coming back to what you said earlier about doing the opposite.
• 40:25
  is doing the opposite. And Dan Martel talks about this too, which is like, he's like, calls it like exposure therapy. Go out and do the thing that is so opposite of the way you would normally behave in order to then kind of like bounce back and find the sweet spot. I don't know if I would, I don't know about this. I did say it recently in a newsletter of mine, but he said in one of his Insta stories, he was like,
• 40:52
  If you've been vegan, like go out and eat a steak, like literally go to not just not become a carnivore, not to like keep eat, like don't do the carnivore diet. But if you've been stuck in this one place for so long, the only way to really discover who you are today is by going out and discovering another side of yourself. And the easiest way to do that is by trying things that are so out of your element, so out of your comfort zone.
• 41:22
  So a big part of my coaching and process is about this persona one persona to concept, which really uses like metacognition and frameworks to understand how far you are from operating from your authentic self today. And only when you have really realigned, can you say, just be yourself because you actually know who that is.
• 41:52
  That's basically doing the, you've done the work, but I'm going to take that a step further and just be like, what Dan meant, and I know Dan really well, is metaphorically, if you're vegan, go to sick. If you're, this is the one that I would say, if you're always out bouncing from person to person to person, do the complete opposite and just try being alone. As dating, you have to be comfortable being alone and being alone.
• 42:21
  in your own presence. And it's that fear and lack that you sit there and be comfortable in that, and you'll grow the confidence it takes and the loving of yourself it takes to go attract a healed partner. What happens is you gotta lead from love and abundance and not fear and lack,
• 42:42
  but it's that love and abundance that'll keep you home. And all too often we're jumping from, I tease a lot, unhealed women and men will jump from one fricking vine to the next. And usually they don't leave one until they got the next one completely solid in hand.
• 42:57
  And the number one thing I think is take some time to yourself, which I know is a little bit out of not your recommendation. So you talk about this myth of focusing on yourself. That's a little different than what I said, but it's along the same lines. So many people think they need to stop dating to work on themselves first. You have a different take on this. Could you share your perspective on why men can work on themselves and date simultaneously? Even though I said,
• 43:27
  Take a little time, but I still would tell everybody if you've, it's just, if you've always gone from date to date to date to date, I think that even Kavita will agree with me and say, take a minute because it's the opposite. Yeah. So I think coming back to your first question today about why is dating so hard is I think we have started to separate love and dating from.
• 43:57
  as if it's this very separate thing in our lives. So it's like, okay, well, this is this area of my life. This is about making money. This is about my career. This is about family and friends. And here is dating and relationships. And we create it as if it's this thing that we can choose whether or not to be doing it. Whereas it's really just a part of your life. And I think the biggest mistake we make is first of all, separating it and then saying, okay,
• 44:27
  oh, I'm not gonna do this thing right now. I'm gonna come back to it later after I have done X, Y, Z. And you and I both know that like, if you're a growth minded human being, the journey never ends. Like you are, like every time you hit that next thing, you've grown so much that you are so excited for the next thing.
• 44:48
  It's a curse and a blessing all in one. But like, yes, I mean, that's a separate conversation about taking time. Hold on. I'll jump in there for a second. Where you meant by that is I have some of the most vulnerable conversations that lead into these crazy, crazy ideas with me and my girlfriend. So she's right. Everything she's saying, I've lived, breathed, and eat, and I can give you a real life example on what she's saying. You are the real deal. Guys, fuck.
• 45:13
  Follow her a dashing date and message her. I'm telling you, I get messages from a lot of guys that I need help with this. And then they go right back to the same type of woman. So that's why I was going to take a minute. Take a minute to yourself. So keep going. Sorry. Um, yeah. So. Oh, where was I? Um.
• 45:37
  Well, my bad. I have a bad habit of interrupting because I get so excited about this. I'll find it. I'll find it. Yes. OK. So so the reason I'm saying that you that it's not separate and to not separate it is because I work with so many men who have done all of the things in. OK, now they've crushed it in their career. Now they have the six pack abs. But now they're coming back into the dating scene.
• 46:01
  with this like restart shock and they have no idea what to do. They have no idea how to connect with women. They have no idea about online dating. They have no idea about going on a first date. So,
• 46:17
  It's not completely separate, but there is what I like to call your dating dial. And this is I work with clients and we start working together. It's like, what are we what is your dating dial right now? And I don't care if it's 95 percent not dating, but keeping that dial on at 5 percent or 10 percent could simply mean that.
• 46:40
  reading a book on relationships and communication at that time. That might just be it. It's just keeping your mind on the fact that, yes, love is important to me. Growing is important to me. So working on your dating life or putting focus on it does not always have to mean going out into the dating world and being around. So it doesn't have to mean that, but it's keeping that in motion. That's the first thing.
• 47:10
  Keep connecting with women. It could be friendships. It could be small talk in your day-to-day world. But don't stop talking.
• 47:20
  communicating with like half the population, you know what I mean? And a lot of men do that. So I have something, it's actually on my Instagram page. It's one of my reels, which is called the small talk challenge. And this is coming back to you attract what you are, not what you want. So if you never talk to women, if you never talk to women, don't be surprised if women never talk to you.
• 47:47
  But at least create that momentum in your life of like, yes, smiling at women that you see, having the conversation with the barista at Starbucks and chatting with the woman at the cashier at the grocery store. Like keep those moments.
• 48:03
  Small, even the small talk, keep that moving. Keep that in motion. Talk to married women. Talk to grandmothers. I don't care, but talk to women in your life. I'm going to give you one. That can be part of the dating dial that I talk about. I'm going to give you one. Practice makes the master. So you have to go out and do it. Because if you're not...
• 48:24
  If you don't get into the game and you've been, and you're not even practicing, when you do get into the game, you're going to be, you're going to fail miserably. So you have to keep practicing. And then when you do decide to get in the game and go full board, then you've had a lot of practice and you've got a better chance of winning. The reason why you can't stop one of these facets of your life, because you'll hear everybody say balance, balance, I got to have balance. Yeah.
• 48:49
  And the reason why people want balance is because there's one area of their life that's usually so off. But if you drill down into what that issue is, it's the same issue affecting them in every part of their life. That's a...
• 49:03
  you can't even dispute me with that. If you're, if you're not in physical shape, there's the, it's affecting you and your business and your romance. If you're, if you're terrible at romance, it's affecting you and you're all of it. So that's why people want balance because whatever the issue is, that's the underlying
• 49:21
  issue that needs to be addressed, healed, fixed, awareness, whatever you want to say is the issue that's holding you back in life. That's the limiting belief. That's it. Once you fix that, I just gave you a key to life. The other thing too is like attracts like people, like attracts like. So be very, very careful. If you're noticing that you're still attracting, for me, it was emotionally available women. So I had to become emotionally available and that
• 49:50
  and saying things that the younger Kelly would have laughed at this Kelly about. So we've got all this time, 49 minutes into this, and we haven't talked about your Huddle 11 Elite program. Tell us about it. What can man expect from it, working with you in this group setting, and what makes it unique from other dating programs?
• 50:13
  Yeah. Oh my gosh. My huddle is my favorite, favorite time of the week, but I have a growing group of men that I coach where we really dive into all of this stuff that we were talking about today. So we meet on a weekly basis. It is to help men find love. And it is this perfect combination of the inner work stuff paired with
• 50:40
  Yes, going out there and the dating strategies, because you can only consume so much information about what to do, but you really have to go out into the world and do it. So my dating program is about getting yourself really set up for success on a foundational level, feeling really good, understanding who you are, how to put yourself out there, and then you get all of the fun stuff paired with that. So one of the most important things, as we know, if we want to move forward and we want
• 51:11
  is support and skipping over all the mistakes and actually having someone to hold you accountable and help you map out a plan of action. And the support, like I do private coaching and I guide so many men still to the group because the support, especially if you don't have that many friends that really understand what you're going through.
• 51:37
  And most don't, by the way. Most don't. That's the worst advice ever. Going to somebody who's in a failed relationship or in a relationship that they hate and asking them advice. Why don't I just go to somebody who's out of shape and ask them for fitness advice? That's the craziest thing in the world. Or somebody who doesn't own a business for business advice. What are you doing? Going to your friend. Misery loves company. That is crazy.
• 51:58
  Crazy people. Don't talk to your miserable friend who only wants you to be single so she can take you out to the bar or your buddies that want you to go to the bar, get drunk, it'd be stupid to be a loser. Forget it. The advice. Let's say, so if you're taking advice from your single guy friends, it's like the blind leading the blind. And if you're taking advice from couples, yes, surround yourself with happy, successful couples that you aspire to be like, but...
• 52:24
  They don't understand the dating scene. And most couples, if you've been in a relationship for a long time, they have no idea what like they're like, they look at me like wide eyed because they're so excited. They're like, wow, this is what it's like out there. So you really don't have the support you need to navigate this wild, wild west. But so the support, the accountability. And I think, you know, men in general, I think the reason that.
• 52:52
  my work has evolved into what it has is because men have gravitated towards me naturally. I never like did anything where I was like, I'm going to be a dating coach for men and tried to put out some sort of like message that would attract men. Like I was very much my authentic self, men gravitated towards my teaching style. And I think, and I, not, I think they have told me like,
• 53:20
  to be vulnerable and to be sad about the girl because my friends are like man up and, you know, treat her badly. And like they say these crazy things and it's not their fault. They have your best interest at heart, but they have no idea. Yeah.
• 53:40
  What is actually happening? What women are thinking? So in Huddle 11 Elite, there's this really beautiful balance of masculine and feminine energy of actually getting to know what women are thinking. Because not only am I a woman, it doesn't mean I can speak for all women, but I have coached women for so many years. And I've been in this space for 13 years that I really bring that expertise to the table on like, this is what women are struggling with.
• 54:09
  And this is what the woman is thinking when this is happening after a first date. There are all of these pieces that become so much easier to understand because you're part of this group. So it's amazing. It's growing. How much is it? The program, we do three, six, or one-year programs. And you're around the $1,000 a month mark, depending.
• 54:39
  And is it just the weekly calls and then they have access to a community or do they have any time with you?
• 54:43
  It's weekly calls with me directly. We also have a WhatsApp group. So in between the sessions, like they have direct access to me as their like personal dating coach in their back pocket. And what's so valuable about the course now is because it's been running for a while, anybody that joins gets access to all of the previous sessions. So we've done nice guy syndrome, dating profiles, dating photos for your profiles. We've covered the...
• 55:10
  You know, I have a system called like the me GPS system. We do core values. You're connecting to your dream vision. We've done small talk challenge. Like everything is there. So there's this rich library of knowledge is just packed with so much information and
• 55:30
  to consume, but also like going out and doing and doing the thing. And then we also have guest speakers that come in to, you know, share on like topics that I know if I'm not an expert, you know, I'll bring someone in who is an expert on the topic. So it's just, it's such a like vibe and valuable vibes is the way I would like describe, um, um,
• 55:53
  For your followers that are going to watch this, I want you guys to know something. Love yourself like your life depends on it because it does. And what I mean by that is love the person in the mirror. And when you love that person, somebody else is going to love you too. And that comes with a good regimen of fitness, fitness.
• 56:14
  and nutrition, success in finance, and you'll attract better. So when I went on this harder than life journey, I read the book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, because it does by Kaval Rivkat.
• 56:29
  And I started saying this daily mantra and I still say it's been six years. And I still, when I get in a rut, I meditate to, I love myself. Thank you. I love myself. Thank you. And it always comes down to that. And believe me, you wouldn't, you look at me, you think, oh, he's confident and he loves himself. But you can tell when somebody loves themselves by the choices they make. And I was making a lot of choices that you could see right away that I did not love myself. So when you love yourself, you choose yourself.
• 56:59
  And, you know, whether this doesn't sound good and you might like it as a dating coach, I come first. And what I mean by that is if I'm not right, everybody's in peril. My IT staff has troubles. My daughter has trouble. My girl, I need to be right. And it's okay to put myself first. Self-care is not selfish. When I mean that for the most humble way possible, it's so I can serve people.
• 57:26
  my people best. I've got to take care of myself. And believe me, I do. We are going to have a little fun now, guys. Follow Kavita at Dashing Date. Go to her website at kavitacoach.com. And she's got a YouTube channel. You can search her on YouTube. And she gives way more. The value to her is way more than anybody I've ever seen. Like when I see her on the coaching calls, like Dan is always yelling at her, stop doing things for free. And she listens and she's
• 57:55
  a hustler, man. I got to tell you, in Deanne's coaching program, it is hard to get his time with him. She gets it every week. So when you get her, when you get her as a coach, you're getting a bulldog. So we're going to have some fun questions. Three more, we'll get you out of here. We're kind of up against it, but we're going to have one. I know that you're in a relationship and I know that
• 58:18
  that you're happy and he's, is the love of your, is the, is the now the love of your life and not, I don't mean that in a fun way. I just want people to know that you're happily committed to a wonderful human. I've met him. He's a great man, but from a woman's perspective, because a lot of men are listening to this, if you could create the perfect date night,
• 58:49
  is being spontaneous, in my opinion. So something where you can keep her on her toes in some way, and this does not have to be a complicated thing. But we know that, you know, think about a movie, think about being at an event, like surprises is what we react to. We're like, ooh, like what's
• 59:20
  And why I love this being the key to an amazing date is because it does, it doesn't have to do with money. And a lot of men feel like, oh my God, I have to impress a woman. I have to like drop a bunch of cash. And it's just so not the truth. I had a friend recently. She met this guy on a dating app. I think it was their second date. They went on a walk with their dogs and,
• 59:49
  And then halfway through the walk, he's like, oh, he's like, do you want to grab a bite and a glass of wine? And she was like, yeah, I guess so. But we have the dogs. Like, where are we going to go? And he's like, no, no, no, I got it. And not any like he literally pulled out Tupperware from his backpack with grapes and cheese in the middle, pulls out this bottle of wine and little plastic cups. And, you know, they sat down at a picnic table.
• 1:00:13
  She was like blown, blown away because it was this casual thing. She had no idea he had all of these like these little surprises in his backpack. And she, you know, she, you know, she sent us her bestie. She's like, what is happening? And it was so simple, like a little Tupperware, grapes around like a little, like not a fancy thing, but just thoughtful. And it was surprising. When I say spontaneous too, I mean like switching locations.
• 1:00:42
  So being like at a coffee shop, just being like, can we get out of here and like bring it? Let's go. There's a beautiful like park right down the street. Why don't we finish our coffees there and get up, like lead, lead the way and change up the location, change the environment. So, so spontaneity can be very sexy. Yeah. Play on there. Not play, but, um.
• 1:01:08
  appeal to their emotion and their curiosity. And I will tell you one more is if any of you unhealed guys that I know are listening to my show that I love you very much, but if any of you guys thought that that was dorky, either one of those, sign up for my coaching program immediately and I will fix you. And then we'll send you over to her program to get you, we'll get you loving yourself, get you in shape and get you money. And then we'll send you over to her to find love. So, because the younger unhealed self would have been like, that's so
• 1:01:38
  fuck, that's not, and I just, it warmed my heart. So it's so, that was tremendously cute. On that same token, again, this isn't for you. You've heard it all, but can you share one of the funniest dating mishaps you've, you've, I was going to say experience, but I know that, I know your backstory. So it's not a thing that you've experienced, but that one of your clients have shared with you without naming names, of course. Funny dating mishaps.
• 1:02:08
  Or let's make it think, don't do this. How about that? What's something somebody did that was so, what we would call douchey? What would a girl call a douchey? Under no circumstances are you ever to do this. Yeah. I mean, there's so many don'ts. But what would be really douchey?
• 1:02:34
  Some stuff that's cringe-worthy is... There you go. I saw this guy who insisted on paying for the date. That's also a whole separate topic, but insisting on paying for the date. And then really...
• 1:02:53
  So it was kind of nice because the girl did all like the right, you know, did the reach and offered to pay. And it was a genuine thing. And then when he insisted on paying and she wasn't interested in the second date, I kind of have a rule, by the way, when I work with women. Now I don't. But when I did was like, if you're not going to go on the second date, this is usually when meeting on a dating app. I know I'm going off track here. Good. I like this.
• 1:03:17
  Yeah, when you... So I tell women, if you're meeting on a dating app and you're not really sure about the guy, first of all, keep the date simple. But two, if you're not interested, just pay for yourself. And as a general rule of thumb, if he insists, and it's a whole thing, fine. But just go in knowing that you're doing this for you. You're going to take care of it. Because there's this... It's a whole thing. But this guy insisted on paying...
• 1:03:46
  And then just messaged the next day because she wasn't interested in the second date. And sent like, I'm Canadian, so I'm going to get this bit wrong because this was in the States. But it was just like, hey, I'd really appreciate if you paid for your half of the date. Sent a picture of the bill and his Venmo or whatever. And I got this, there was this screenshot about it and it's just, it's so bad. It's so bad. And it was like,
• 1:04:16
  No amount would make sense for this, but it was at the same time, just to make it worse, it was like $26 or something like that. So he wanted like the $13 payment. So that's fun. That's fun to see.
• 1:04:29
  You know as well as I do, that was just a cry to try to hold on to her for one thing. Oh. So you Venmo the guy, block. Well, first of all, you Venmo him and say, I am absolutely not interested. You're a nice guy. Please don't ever contact me again. And then literally it's a block. I don't block anybody, but...
• 1:04:51
  That's block worthy. It's like, you are so unhealed. Go do you, dude. 26 bucks. I'll send you the $13. Not ever do that again, please. And I got it. I'm one of those old school guys. The guy always pays. I don't care. I don't care what the reason is. We just pay no matter what. My girlfriend makes tons of money. I pay still. Every once in a while, she'll sneak in and try to grab it. But I pay. We're nine months into this. I still pay.
• 1:05:19
  I have a bit of a different. It's so nice when when the guy pays. I think it's I think. I think the problem with it is the emphasis that is put on it. And I just wish that we weren't thinking about it so much. I really wish that it wasn't like a checkbox item. I hate that women will dismiss a guy for it. Yeah.
• 1:05:45
  There's just like a very like toxic culture around it. And I and I just kind of wish like we didn't think about it as much as as much as we do when it comes to dating. I have one more fun question. And then I just realized something I never asked and I can't believe it again this whole time.
• 1:06:03
  I don't, I don't drink alcohol. That's one of the major changes that I made because every single time that I got myself into issues, alcohol was present. And I also realized that was the one variable, you know, to go back to Dan's thing is do something different.
• 1:06:20
  Every time I would meet people, we would have a bunch of cocktails. And then, you know, if you meet somebody that drinks like that, there's a reason. Now that I'm way past all that, I realize that the only time that this isn't to knock anybody and everybody that follows me knows that if you drink like that, you're masking something. There's something on healed. So yeah.
• 1:06:41
  What do you, if somebody has the occasional glass of wine, but every once in a while gets a little buzzed up, what do you recommend? Like my recommendation is do not drink at a date. At least if you're going to, if it's at dinner, it's a nice restaurant, have one glass of wine and that is it. What is your stance on that? And it wouldn't be the heart of the life podcast. We didn't talk a little bit about alcohol. Oh my gosh.
• 1:07:09
  Dating and alcohol. I think I think there is, you know, talking about toxic dating culture.
• 1:07:17
  Alcohol is a big one. I know a lot of people who think that you really can't have one without the other. And I think it's a very sad, limited belief story. If you are, it's like anything else. Once something becomes a crutch, it's really, you have to release it. You have to go the other way. If for nothing else, then for this thing not to have like a hold on you.
• 1:07:47
  that is a problem. I'm all for it. If you are, if you, you know, are someone who is, I don't even know what the right word is. Like, I don't think normal is the right word, but if you are someone who. Social drinker. So like, yeah, social drink. It's like, there's no, if it's there, it's there a quick, like you have a glass of wine, you enjoy it. It's not like this. You're not going to go kind of like free falling from that point on. I,
• 1:08:17
  I think, you know, grabbing drinks on a date can be really fun. Grabbing. I recommend grabbing a drink. So it's just. I think if you're like, so going to that social drinker thing, I think you can do a two drink thing. I think beyond two drinks, um, on any, any night, like for anyone, like you're, you're just stepping into a bit of a different territory. It's probably unnecessary. Um,
• 1:08:45
  I mean, it is unnecessary. Like you're not like that thing that you are looking for. Maybe the relaxing, that liquid courage or the relaxed vibe that you're looking for beyond the two drinks, it's going to have the reverse effect that you want. But yeah, I, I, I talk a lot about activity based dates that don't involve alcohol. I talk a lot about alcohol free dates in general. Um,
• 1:09:13
  doing things outdoors, uh, going for a drive with music and hot chocolates and, you know, and like a nice scenic drive, um, doing the thing where like doing a cooking class. And if you are going to drink, even making it something that's a bit more like activity based, like a wine, wine and cheese tasting, where it's like a controlled environment almost where you're doing an activity, you're learning about something. So it's not about the drink. It's that, that just happens to be part of the activity potentially, um, but, um,
• 1:09:44
  Let me jump in. If you're having challenges dating, that you're not getting the outcomes that you have and you're in every single date or three quarters of them are higher are around alcohol. Just eliminate alcohol and bill me and I'll send you a bill for that tomorrow because I'm telling you that was my problem. And it wasn't my problem. Women love me when we drank.
• 1:10:07
  but the wrong women. So speaking of fun things to do activity, we're going to get you one last fun question and get you out of here. So we're way over, but it's just been a riveting conversation. Please guys rate, share this, follow Kavita. This is, this is a masterclass she's given you. We're just having a fun two friend conversation. We're going to talk about karaoke. So if you
• 1:10:37
  Impress? Or seduce or whatever. My man is running out of the room the minute I get on stage. So that, I don't know if that's, I don't think there's any song I could sing that would impress him. So that's an interesting question for me. But I do, you know, I'm like a...
• 1:11:02
  Like, I'm like a Britney Spears sort of, sort of. Hit me one more time, baby. Yeah, I'm going to go with like a fun, upbeat, like pop song. So, and he will regardless leave the room quite fast. I love that. What's one thing about you that people might be surprised to know? One thing about me that people would be surprised to know is,
• 1:11:32
  Oh my God, I'm sure there's so many. I'm just like, what would actually be fun and exciting to share? I...
• 1:11:45
  I don't know if this is anything, but whatever else, I'll share it. I like, um, I'm quite like extreme in the things that I do. So just like a fun fact is I had a Maltese for 19 years. No, sorry. When I was 19 years old, I bought a Maltese and to get, to get him, I like ordered him online, which was a really weird thing back in, I don't know, 2000. How old was that? When was 2019? It's like 20 years ago. So 2008.
• 1:12:13
  four, I guess. And I like found this, I ordered him online. I watched him grow up on the internet, which was very strange at the time and getting pictures of him to my like hotmail email address. And then I bought his plane ticket. I flew him here from another, from New Brunswick here to Montreal and picked him up at the, at the airport. And I think the reason I share this story is to
• 1:12:41
  really show just like how far sometimes I'll go to, to get, get what I want. And, um, I've seen it firsthand guys. She is a tenacious as a F man. And I love it. I find it amazingly attractive about you and it's just, well, this is me. That's me too. Cause like attracts like, so if you could leave us with one piece of advice, what would it be?
• 1:13:10
  figure out your dating dial. You know, if it's been all the way off for a long time, like what does turning it up to five or 10 look like and, and keeping track of it. Like, you know, keep playing with that dial. But don't take yourself out of the dating scene. Don't,
• 1:13:29
  Don't avoid this very beautiful space to connect with yourself and connect with others because ultimately growth happens in the real world. Right. Like, you know, we can read the book and do all things, but whether it's in a relationship or not, growth happens by going out and sharing.
• 1:13:51
  And exposing yourself to those triggers, right, that that got you maybe to those places that you have to work on to begin with. So put go and put yourself out there and do the things. But, yeah, I'm going to say figure out your dating dial. I'm going to challenge you because the last five months I told you there are things that are different. I'm going to give you another different one. OK, harder than life. Seagull seagulls that all watch and listen and love me.
• 1:14:19
  The ones of you that were like me that are out there putting yourself out there, but you're attracting the wrong ones. I would call you the, I was a man whore. So I'm just going to call myself a man whore and all you man whores, reunite. Reach out to her. I want to challenge her because she's extremely beautiful and compassionate and kind and she can help.
• 1:14:44
  And it's something that she's not doing right now. And I want to see those people find the right kind of love too. Because we all deserve love. We all can earn love. But let's find the right love. Reach out to Kavita. Dashing date. I'm going to tell you right now, my heart and life...
• 1:15:04
  brand was because of love. I got my heart broken. I started all of this because I found the wrong person. God put a person in my life to learn and I learned it all. And here I am in front of you with a top 20 podcast, a big brand. We've got some major announcements coming out soon. And I got the
• 1:15:23
  Kavita on. And I just want to say thank you so much for playing today. Thank you so much for being you and you matter and are doing the God's work and helping all of our crazy men find love. Reach out to her and learn more. Thanks for playing today.
• 1:15:40
  Kelly, thank you so much. This is so much fun. And thank you for the very kind words. You are doing such important, important work in your message. And like I said, you were the first person I really like, you know, connected with those five months ago. And here we are. And I'm really so grateful for you and the work you do. Thank you.
• 1:16:03
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.