Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #685 Preparing First Timers for the First Day

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#685 Preparing First Timers for the First Day · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now pop into the school and just sort of tap
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  Speaker 2: on the door of reception and you can say, we
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  Speaker 2: just wanted to know if we could go for a
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  Speaker 2: walk around the school, maybe have a tour, maybe meet
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  Speaker 2: one or two people so that my little one feels secure.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: Hello everybody, Happy Monday.
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  Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 2: dot com dot you.
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  Speaker 3: I'm here with Kylie, my wife and mum.
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  Speaker 2: To our six children as we get ready for Queensland schools,
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  Speaker 2: heading back our kids in the uniforms, their shoes, last
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  Speaker 2: minute dashes the shops over the weekend this week. For
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  Speaker 2: everyone else around the country, it's going to be your
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  Speaker 2: opportunity to get that done.
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  Speaker 3: But today on the.
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  Speaker 2: Podcast, we wanted to talk about preparing first time as
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  Speaker 2: we've got little kids to go to school for the
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  Speaker 2: first time, little kids are going to like pre school
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  Speaker 2: for the first time, maybe some kids that are starting
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  Speaker 2: a brand new school because there's been movement across the summer,
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  Speaker 2: across the holidays, and we thought it'd be useful to
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  Speaker 2: share a couple of ideas to help with anxiety and
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  Speaker 2: nerves and the challenges associated with being a first timer
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  Speaker 2: on a big day at school with the year kicking off.
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  Speaker 4: So the other day, this feels like a little bit
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  Speaker 4: of a tangent, but stay with me. The other day
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  Speaker 4: I took our twenty year old out to buy her
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  Speaker 4: first pair of Doc Martins. Right, so she heads off
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  Speaker 4: to England for eighteen months next month.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, we only got in fact, it's about a month today.
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  Speaker 4: And Doc Martin's aren't her usual choice of shoe, but
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  Speaker 4: she needs a good sturdy walking shoe. Pretty much will
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  Speaker 4: be the only shoe she has for eighteen months. Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: and these have been highly recommended and it needs.
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  Speaker 2: To be wear the proof because she's going to be
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  Speaker 2: in the northeast of England so cold.
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  Speaker 4: And as she put them on and I looked at her,
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  Speaker 4: she said, is everything okay?
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  Speaker 3: Mom?
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  Speaker 4: And I just completely teared up and it reminded me
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  Speaker 4: like this is a massive milestone in her life and
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  Speaker 4: for any parent going through first time starting school, it
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  Speaker 4: can be such an emotional time and seeing your little
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  Speaker 4: five year old in their school time. Do you remember
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  Speaker 4: when Lily.
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  Speaker 3: It's heart melting Lily.
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  Speaker 4: It was our shortest little one, and so everything just
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  Speaker 4: there was no space between her socks that had to
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  Speaker 4: be pulled up and her shorts because her little legs
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  Speaker 4: were so that's right, and there's just there is so
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  Speaker 4: much emotion around it, and it's just it's such a
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  Speaker 4: joyful and exciting time, but for a parent, there's so
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  Speaker 4: much anxiety around you know what that first day is
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  Speaker 4: going to look like. So today let's talk about a
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  Speaker 4: few things that we can do to help children and
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  Speaker 4: moms and dads get through those things.
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  Speaker 2: With these So we've done first days with six children
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  Speaker 2: now in terms of starting school or starting daycare.
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  Speaker 3: But also with starting new schools.
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  Speaker 2: We've moved a handful of times, as long time listeners
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  Speaker 2: to the podcast would know, So we've.
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  Speaker 3: Really been through this a lot.
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  Speaker 2: I want the bulk of our conversation to be about
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  Speaker 2: kids starting big school for the first time, but I'm
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  Speaker 2: sure that there'll be a lot in here that's useful
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  Speaker 2: for any other context. Okay, so if you've got your
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  Speaker 2: four or five year old who's heading off to school,
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  Speaker 2: these are the things that we think that you should know.
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  Speaker 2: The first thing that I want to mention is to
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  Speaker 2: the extent that it's possible help them to be familiar
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  Speaker 2: with the school. There's something so everyone craves predictability. Everyone
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  Speaker 2: craves a sense of security, a sense of knowingness. We
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  Speaker 2: want to know where we're safe, we want to know
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  Speaker 2: what's going on. And I know that it might be
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  Speaker 2: too late for many families, but there'll be plenty of
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  Speaker 2: people who are listening to this right now whose kids
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  Speaker 2: start school, I don't know tomorrow, or the day after
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  Speaker 2: or next week sometime, which gives you the opportunity to
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  Speaker 2: pop into the school today or tomorrow or sometime in
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  Speaker 2: the next few days and just sort of tap on
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  Speaker 2: the door of reception. They will be there and you
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  Speaker 2: can say we're starting the school, we're brand new. We
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  Speaker 2: just wanted to know if we could go for a
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  Speaker 2: walk around the school, maybe have a two maybe meet
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  Speaker 2: one or two people, so that my little one feels
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  Speaker 2: secure and knows where the toilets are and knows where
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to pick them up each afternoon, and has
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  Speaker 2: a sense of what's going on. That predictability, that sense
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  Speaker 2: of security is huge for helping kids feel less anxious.
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  Speaker 2: And we've both done it and not done it, And
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  Speaker 2: the times that we've done it, it's worked out so
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  Speaker 2: much better for our kids well.
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  Speaker 4: And I think that schools are getting better and better
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  Speaker 4: at dealing with this orientation. You know, very often you'll
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  Speaker 4: have an opportunity for your kids to go to school
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  Speaker 4: for half a day with all of their new classmates
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  Speaker 4: for the following year, yeah, and get to meet their
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  Speaker 4: teacher and see that space. And it creates a sense
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  Speaker 4: of excitement because there's all this new stuff to play
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  Speaker 4: with and oh, I actually like that little girl over
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  Speaker 4: there or the little boy or whatever. So being able
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  Speaker 4: to kind of tap into anything that's available from a
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  Speaker 4: school perspective to help you navigate those early first days
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  Speaker 4: is going to be really important. But even just you know,
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  Speaker 4: going for a drive past the school. If the school's
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  Speaker 4: within driving distance, you know, and that's what you're going
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  Speaker 4: to do. Then taking a drive every day, go past
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  Speaker 4: the school. This is what we do.
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  Speaker 3: Or there's your school, yep.
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  Speaker 2: If you're walking or riding a bike, actually do it,
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  Speaker 2: practice it, let them know the way that it goes.
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  Speaker 2: And like you said, it builds that I can hear
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  Speaker 2: it in your voice. It builds that anticipation. It's something
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  Speaker 2: to look forward to.
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  Speaker 4: And I think that that's so important as parents, Like,
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  Speaker 4: there is so much anxiety around leaving your child for
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  Speaker 4: the first time at big school. It's a big deal.
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  Speaker 4: You've gone from having a child that, for all intents
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  Speaker 4: and purposes, has been with you twenty four seven and
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  Speaker 4: all of a sudden, you're going to put it in
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  Speaker 4: someone else'scare for five days of.
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  Speaker 2: The week, with hundreds of other kids more time, and
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  Speaker 2: some of them are so big, Like it gives year.
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  Speaker 4: Sixers so different, so different, and the child adult ratio changes,
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  Speaker 4: So there is so much to think about, but just
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  Speaker 4: creating the anticipation and excitement around all of the new
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  Speaker 4: experiences that you'll get to have will go a long
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  Speaker 4: way to helping your child get through that first day.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, So I want to share something really practical as
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  Speaker 2: my second idea, and that's just make sure that the
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  Speaker 2: school shoes are worn in Like, it's a small thing,
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  Speaker 2: but if they're wearing especially the black standard school shoe
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  Speaker 2: that so many schools require as part of the uniform,
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  Speaker 2: they're going to.
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  Speaker 3: Get sore feet.
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  Speaker 2: They're going to feel horrible if they're wearing them for
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  Speaker 2: the first time on the first day of school. So
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  Speaker 2: get them to wear them for an hour or two,
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  Speaker 2: a couple of times this week, a couple of times
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  Speaker 2: here and there, not all day, just a bit here
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  Speaker 2: and a bit there, wear the shoes in well.
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  Speaker 4: Even letting them wear their uniforms. It might mean that
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  Speaker 4: the uniform gets dirty and they're going to have to
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  Speaker 4: be washed before school goes back the first day or whatever,
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  Speaker 4: but again, allow them to have that experience and be
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  Speaker 4: excited about that. I actually had a visual right then
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  Speaker 4: of baby number three. She wasn't going to school at
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  Speaker 4: this point, but I remember this were and she wanted
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  Speaker 4: to wear the uniform and it was way too big
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  Speaker 4: for her, and it meant I had to wash it again.
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  Speaker 4: But it was allowing her to have the opportunity to
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  Speaker 4: experience what her sisters were experienced and continue to build
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  Speaker 4: the excitement around what she could look forward to.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm not going to suggest that you force this
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  Speaker 2: and say let's put the uniform on, and you can
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  Speaker 2: if they've got the interest and if they're open to it.
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  Speaker 2: It just helps them to get used to how they've
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  Speaker 2: got to do the button up or whether the uniform
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  Speaker 2: fits properly. They can wear the shoes in. It just
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  Speaker 2: helps everything.
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  Speaker 1: Well.
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  Speaker 4: Often those buttons are really stiff too, because it's all
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  Speaker 4: new and starchy. The zips. They just need a little
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  Speaker 4: bit of a work in. Learning how to tie their shoelaces. Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: you know, you can have lots of fun around learning
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  Speaker 4: to tie your shoelaces. Miss eight, she actually went to
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  Speaker 4: the shops and she said, I don't want valcros anymore.
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  Speaker 4: I want to wear laces. And the shop attendant asked
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  Speaker 4: her if she could do laces, and she said, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: I do bunnies.
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  Speaker 3: Right, So Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: A couple of other ideas that I think are going
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  Speaker 2: to be useful for any parent who's.
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  Speaker 3: Saying good luck. You know you're on your own. It's
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  Speaker 3: big school time.
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  Speaker 2: I reckon knowing the teacher, having some sort of a
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  Speaker 2: meet and greet, some familiarity with the teacher, building a relationship,
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  Speaker 2: creating a level of involvement there is going to be
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  Speaker 2: really important.
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  Speaker 3: It helps to.
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  Speaker 2: Create that sense of safety and security that I've highlighted
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  Speaker 2: a couple of times, and classmates to the extent that
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  Speaker 2: it's possible. Now, not everyone can do this, but if
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  Speaker 2: your kids know, if they've got friends from the neighborhood
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  Speaker 2: who are going. I reckon it's great if they can
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  Speaker 2: build those relationships and extend that. The importance of relationships
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  Speaker 2: in the extent to which a child feels like they
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  Speaker 2: belong in a school environment a school classroom cannot be overstated.
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  Speaker 4: I agree. One of the best things we actually did
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  Speaker 4: was one year when we moved schools. We said to
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  Speaker 4: the staff, we don't know if you can help us,
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  Speaker 4: but it would be so good if our kids could
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  Speaker 4: meet a few of their classmates before we go to school,
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  Speaker 4: and they organized it. They sent messages to a few
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  Speaker 4: parents who then got in contact with us and said,
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  Speaker 4: we'd love to meet you and your family. Why don't
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  Speaker 4: we go to the park, And it just made such
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  Speaker 4: a difference on day one, having someone that was familiar.
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  Speaker 2: Perfect, And I think that's probably about it. Obviously, if
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  Speaker 2: the kids are older, you can still try all of
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  Speaker 2: these ideas. They'll still be useful. In fact, the story
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  Speaker 2: that you've just shared, we had kids across the entire
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  Speaker 2: school spectrum, from sort of the youngest years right up
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  Speaker 2: to the later high school years. It makes such a
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  Speaker 2: difference when the relationships are able to be developing and
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  Speaker 2: there's a sense that it's okay, I know someone here.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be on my own. I'm not
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  Speaker 2: going to be isolated. I think loneliness is really the
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  Speaker 2: number one thing.
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  Speaker 3: I guess. The other thing that I would say is
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  Speaker 3: if a child has.
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  Speaker 2: Any additional needs. A lot of parents are reluctant to
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  Speaker 2: talk to new teachers or a new school about their
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  Speaker 2: child's ADHD or autism or whatever else it might be.
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  Speaker 2: My recommendation is, get on the front foot, be there early,
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  Speaker 2: Talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to
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  Speaker 2: whoever it is that you need to talk to, and
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  Speaker 2: say I wanted to get in here early and let
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  Speaker 2: you know because I want to have a really positive
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  Speaker 2: working relationship with you around this.
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  Speaker 4: Well, you're pre arming. Yes, yes, it's about this my
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  Speaker 4: child and this is who they are. And the more
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  Speaker 4: your teacher is aware, the more they're able to work
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  Speaker 4: with your child.
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  Speaker 2: But what you're also doing is you're creating a unified approach.
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  Speaker 2: You're saying, we're on the same team here. I want
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  Speaker 2: to let you know I'm going to communicate clearly with you.
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  Speaker 2: I want you to be able to communicate clearly with me.
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  Speaker 2: These are the kinds of challenges that you might have.
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  Speaker 2: Here's how we address it at home. You get to
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  Speaker 2: work with the teachers, and most teachers, I mean I'm
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  Speaker 2: in and out of schools most days of the year
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  Speaker 2: with my presentations, and most teachers that I work with
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  Speaker 2: are really open to that and really responsive to it.
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  Speaker 2: It's true that not every school has one hundred percent
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  Speaker 2: perfection when it comes to teachers, but most teachers will
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  Speaker 2: respond really well well.
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  Speaker 4: And sometimes it's not actually about whether or not the
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  Speaker 4: teachers a good teacher or a bad teacher. I'm putting
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  Speaker 4: that inverted commas there, but personalities. Sometimes we just don't click.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you don't need to have to have AD
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  Speaker 2: to not click with the teacher.
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  Speaker 4: Sometime it's just it just is the way it is.
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  Speaker 4: But the more communication can have again, the better the
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  Speaker 4: experience will be.
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  Speaker 2: Hopefully well, we hope these ideas have been helpful for
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  Speaker 2: anyone who's preparing their first time as for their first
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  Speaker 2: day of big school or the first day at a
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  Speaker 2: new school.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks so much for listening.
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  Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Tomorrow a
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: big conversation. How many extracurricular activities is too much, how
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: many is not enough?
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  Speaker 3: How do we know where to draw the line around that.
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  Speaker 3: It's all coming up on the Happy Families podcast tomorrow