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Embracing Ignorance: The Power of Admitting We Don't Know · All About The Joy

• 0:11
  Carmen Lezeth: So this is another episode of Carmen Talk and I want to talk about a few different subjects.
• 0:18
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm just going to go with it.
• 0:20
  Carmen Lezeth: One of the things I think is really important to me in my life is to make sure that I'm a person of integrity all the time.
• 0:32
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't always succeed, right, but it's never intentional if I'm not a person of integrity.
• 0:39
  Carmen Lezeth: But one of the other things I can't stand is when I see someone else do something and they think I'm not going to call them out on it.
• 0:48
  Carmen Lezeth: I will always call people out on things if I know what I'm talking about.
• 0:53
  Carmen Lezeth: So first let me say one thing that most of my friends and family hate that I say, but it still is true, right, it's one of the things they hate that I say, but it's still true.
• 1:05
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, I had to repeat that I don't talk about what I don't know.
• 1:09
  Carmen Lezeth: I really don't.
• 1:11
  Carmen Lezeth: If I don't know something, I am the first person to ask a question or admit straight up I don't know what you're talking about, or I don't understand something, or I'll ask you to explain it, and I've always been that person.
• 1:26
  Carmen Lezeth: And I'm going to be really honest in this and I'm going to be very vulnerable in this and say I learned really quickly as a kid that the minute you ask people something or you tell people you don't know something, they can have two reactions.
• 1:41
  Carmen Lezeth: One they can think that you're a complete idiot, which shows everything you need to know about that person.
• 1:47
  Carmen Lezeth: So it's kind of like a clue in to walk away from them and never be in their presence again.
• 1:53
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, it's a great determining factor in choosing people to stay in my life.
• 1:59
  Carmen Lezeth: And then the other way they can react is like from a place of positivity and joy, to teach me something new.
• 2:06
  Carmen Lezeth: And most people are those people Most people love when you say you know what?
• 2:12
  Carmen Lezeth: I didn't know that, can you know?
• 2:14
  Carmen Lezeth: You explain to me?
• 2:15
  Carmen Lezeth: And then they can react like, yes, let me help you, I'd love to teach you this.
• 2:19
  Carmen Lezeth: It's kind of a cool little trick I learned as a kid and I shouldn't call it a trick, but it's one of the ways in which I think I survived.
• 2:28
  Carmen Lezeth: But the other part of what I learned about myself is that it's okay that I don't know everything.
• 2:34
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm not supposed to know everything.
• 2:37
  Carmen Lezeth: There's nobody on the planet who knows everything.
• 2:40
  Carmen Lezeth: My goodness, even Einstein sucked at math a little bit thing.
• 2:48
  Carmen Lezeth: My goodness, even Einstein sucked at math a little bit.
• 2:50
  Carmen Lezeth: Look, it's just a thing out there that people should understand that it's okay not to know something.
• 2:52
  Carmen Lezeth: And when you make a mistake, the real test of who we are is not that we made a mistake.
• 2:59
  Carmen Lezeth: We're human.
• 3:00
  Carmen Lezeth: We're always going to make mistakes.
• 3:01
  Carmen Lezeth: But when we make a mistake, we own up to it, we rectify it and we move forward with it.
• 3:07
  Carmen Lezeth: And if you have to apologize, that's fine.
• 3:10
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't, you know, this isn't a conversation about apologies.
• 3:16
  Carmen Lezeth: But if I make a mistake and somebody calls me out on it or I notice it on my own, I am the first to be like oh my God, I'm so sorry, I can't believe.
• 3:21
  Carmen Lezeth: I just did that.
• 3:22
  Carmen Lezeth: I apologize or I'll try to rectify it in whatever way, shape or form I can.
• 3:26
  Carmen Lezeth: When you choose instead to double down on something, it changes the game for me a bit.
• 3:38
  Carmen Lezeth: Like if you double down on something because you just want to be right, that's where I lose it a little bit, and that happened this past week for me.
• 3:46
  Carmen Lezeth: And look, I'm going to use an example like this to explain what I'm talking about.
• 3:53
  Carmen Lezeth: You can't turn around and have a mistake happen that can influence other people or hurt other people and couch it under this idea that it's just your opinion.
• 4:05
  Carmen Lezeth: You really cannot do that.
• 4:07
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me give you a great example.
• 4:08
  Carmen Lezeth: If I said to you Chris Hemsworth is a black man with dreadlocks If those of you who don't know who Chris Hemsworth is he is the actor who plays Thor in all the Avenger movies Google it.
• 4:23
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay.
• 4:23
  Carmen Lezeth: But if I said to you that Chris Hemsworth is a black man with dreadlocks, you would say to me okay, carmen, are you drinking something?
• 4:34
  Carmen Lezeth: What's wrong with you?
• 4:35
  Carmen Lezeth: He's not a black man with dreadlocks.
• 4:38
  Carmen Lezeth: But if I doubled down on that and said, no, he is, he's actually a black man with dreadlocks you might turn around and be like okay, carmen's crazy.
• 4:48
  Carmen Lezeth: But you'd also be like Carmen is lying, right?
• 4:52
  Carmen Lezeth: You would say Carmen, you're lying.
• 4:53
  Carmen Lezeth: Chris Hemsworth is not a black man with dreadlocks.
• 4:56
  Carmen Lezeth: I can either turn around and say you know what?
• 4:59
  Carmen Lezeth: You're right, I made a mistake.
• 5:01
  Carmen Lezeth: He's not a black man with dreadlocks.
• 5:02
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm so sorry, I meant so-and-so.
• 5:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Or I could turn around and double down and say, no, he is.
• 5:08
  Carmen Lezeth: He absolutely is.
• 5:10
  Carmen Lezeth: That's my opinion.
• 5:11
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, this is the problem with that.
• 5:19
  Carmen Lezeth: Your opinion cannot be, I'm sorry.
• 5:21
  Carmen Lezeth: Your opinion cannot be based on falsehoods.
• 5:24
  Carmen Lezeth: Your opinion just makes you look stupid and dumb.
• 5:27
  Carmen Lezeth: Because there's nothing factual about Chris Hemsworth being a black man with dreadlocks.
• 5:33
  Carmen Lezeth: You can say it's your opinion, but now you just look like a complete idiot and a fraud.
• 5:40
  Carmen Lezeth: Now the problem really becomes when people who don't know who Chris Hemsworth is hear what you said and don't see or hear anything else, and start believing that Chris Hemsworth is actually a black man with dreadlocks.
• 5:55
  Carmen Lezeth: And then they start talking about where he might have been born and where he grew up and all the great music he does, and they just start feeding on a lie.
• 6:08
  Carmen Lezeth: Right?
• 6:09
  Carmen Lezeth: He's not a musician, he's not somebody who grew up in, you know, jamaica or whatever I mean.
• 6:16
  Carmen Lezeth: So you can see how your small mistake quote unquote opinion is wrong, and you know, to me it's just abusive that in this day and age we would play that game.
• 6:33
  Carmen Lezeth: And this is why I think the internet has gotten so bad, because so many people think it's okay to turn around and share things that are wrong, even when they're called out on it.
• 6:44
  Carmen Lezeth: They're wrong.
• 6:45
  Carmen Lezeth: And then they turn around and share things that are wrong, even when they're called out on it.
• 6:46
  Carmen Lezeth: They're wrong.
• 6:46
  Carmen Lezeth: And then they turn around and leave their videos up, they leave their comments on, they leave things to fester.
• 6:54
  Carmen Lezeth: So this happened this past week and it was disturbing to me and very upsetting setting, because I don't like being someone who is okay with mistruths.
• 7:08
  Carmen Lezeth: I think we've gotten to a place in this country, in the United States of America, where we're just so disenchanted by actually being people of integrity, because it takes a lot of work to do that right.
• 7:23
  Carmen Lezeth: It takes a lot of work to own up to or research things and I start to realize now people don't read.
• 7:29
  Carmen Lezeth: They really do not read.
• 7:31
  Carmen Lezeth: People do not read, people do not research, people do not actually look through.
• 7:36
  Carmen Lezeth: But they say they do, they say they research things, they say they know things and they do not.
• 7:43
  Carmen Lezeth: And here's how I know, because it happened again this past week where I went to somebody's social media page and they were spreading mistruths and so I called them out on it and it became a thing and I decided to just unfollow them and have them not follow me back as well, because I cannot have people in my life who allow the separation of who we are, neighbor to neighbor, to continue on.
• 8:14
  Carmen Lezeth: There is no way on the planet that it is okay for you to believe that Chris Hemsworth is a black man with dreadlocks?
• 8:25
  Carmen Lezeth: Do you know what I mean?
• 8:26
  Carmen Lezeth: Like there's no way that that's an okay thing for you to believe.
• 8:30
  Carmen Lezeth: Now, if we're being creative and you know we're kind of having this kind of blasé conversation about the possibilities of Chris Hemsworth being, that's a different ballgame.
• 8:40
  Carmen Lezeth: But you cannot say emphatically that that's the way it is and that that's who he is.
• 8:47
  Carmen Lezeth: And then, when you're called out on it and you're shown a picture of it and you're given evidence of it, that means you have to read a little bit or you have to watch some videos or you have to actually do some research.
• 8:58
  Carmen Lezeth: If I present that information to you and you keep saying well, you know what, that's my opinion, I'm kind of done, because imagine if your children did that.
• 9:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Imagine if your kid said a bold-faced lie to you and then you asked them why are you lying?
• 9:14
  Carmen Lezeth: And they said you know what, mom, that's just my opinion.
• 9:17
  Carmen Lezeth: Is that okay?
• 9:19
  Carmen Lezeth: No, it's actually not okay, because that's not how it works, that's not how opinions work, and I think that's the other part of it too.
• 9:28
  Carmen Lezeth: I think, especially when it comes to politics, this situation actually had to do with politics and not Chris Hemsworth God love him when it comes to politics and why our country has become so divided, it is because of all these small micro sessions of people using their social media to spread, even accidentally Because I actually think this began as an accidental misunderstanding of actually what happened, but then, when I tried to explain it, they refused to budge and they couched it in.
• 10:04
  Carmen Lezeth: It's my opinion.
• 10:05
  Carmen Lezeth: Here's the thing Opinions are not facts, but when you are someone who is okay with promoting your opinion as a motherfucking lie, I'm done.
• 10:16
  Carmen Lezeth: Especially when you're someone who has a lot of power or a lot of followers or a lot of people who depend on you for information, especially when you have people who follow you who are from both parties.
• 10:30
  Carmen Lezeth: If you cannot honor who you are and what your power is and how important it is for you to make sure that whatever you say has actual backing and fact and it is not based on fiction and bullshit, I don't want nothing to do with you.
• 10:48
  Carmen Lezeth: It really is that simple.
• 10:50
  Carmen Lezeth: Like if somebody is going to post that Chris Hemsworth is a black man with dreadlocks from Jamaica because you see, now we're going to add stuff, right, we're going to add stuff on because that's how social media works.
• 11:03
  Carmen Lezeth: And now we're going to say he's actually, he's originally from Jamaica.
• 11:07
  Carmen Lezeth: Yeah, he's from Jamaica and he's a musician.
• 11:10
  Carmen Lezeth: Because, right, this is how it works, this is how the lies begin.
• 11:16
  Carmen Lezeth: And if you don't understand that logically and you're out there in social media playing around and not realizing that your words matter, that what you put out there, it's not just forever, it's about you.
• 11:34
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't want nothing to do with you.
• 11:35
  Carmen Lezeth: And look, I have a lot of Trump supporters who follow our show and our podcast.
• 11:40
  Carmen Lezeth: I am not a Trump supporter.
• 11:42
  Carmen Lezeth: I think everyone is well aware of my political leanings and we try never to talk about politics, but sometimes it happens, especially during this past week during the Democratic National Convention.
• 11:54
  Carmen Lezeth: I decided to cancel the show because I wanted to watch the amazing historical event that was the acceptance speech and the acceptance of the nomination by Vice President Harris and Tim Walz Governor Tim Walz which is when we usually do our show, so it's not usually a political show, but I cannot be devoid of who I authentically am and I did not want to do the show during such an amazing, monumental historical moment in time, and I wanted other people, I wanted Trump supporters to also feel like they were invited and could go and watch as well, even though I doubt many of them would.
• 12:39
  Carmen Lezeth: I wish they would, because there were so many people from the Republican Party, from the Trump administration in the past who were at the DNC and it was actually kind of lovely.
• 12:51
  Carmen Lezeth: I mean patriotism.
• 12:52
  Carmen Lezeth: I kind of miss it.
• 12:53
  Carmen Lezeth: I miss feeling so good about my neighbors and the people that are around us on a regular basis.
• 13:01
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I mean.
• 13:02
  Carmen Lezeth: So this is kind of what's important to me in this podcast is to really start making sure that we, as individuals start understanding our own responsibility towards the division in our country and how.
• 13:20
  Carmen Lezeth: What we do, the way in which we behave, the way in which we interact on social media and in person is exactly the same, and when we make a mistake, we need to either delete it or do another video or make another comment or do something to make sure that people who listen to us, follow us, who are friends of ours, who are people that rely on us for information, understand that we made a mistake.
• 13:55
  Carmen Lezeth: Chris Hemsworth is from Australia.
• 13:57
  Carmen Lezeth: He is a white man with straight hair.
• 14:02
  Carmen Lezeth: He is not from Jamaica.
• 14:03
  Carmen Lezeth: He is an actor.
• 14:04
  Carmen Lezeth: He is not a musician.
• 14:06
  Carmen Lezeth: Everything about Chris Hemsworth is the opposite of what I just said.
• 14:12
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, he's saying that he's a black man with dreadlocks and from Jamaica and a musician.
• 14:19
  Carmen Lezeth: He's actually the opposite of all those things, in a way, and to pretend that that would be true, to double down on that mistruth, just makes me look like an idiot.
• 14:31
  Carmen Lezeth: However, for people who don't know who Chris Hemsworth is, for some of those people who don't follow right, for people who are Trump supporters and don't follow politics, what this person said was truth.
• 14:45
  Carmen Lezeth: It is truth, and that's what irked me so much.
• 14:49
  Carmen Lezeth: So I want to just put a little reminder out there to everyone who listens to my show, who listens to the Carmen Talks, who is someone who has been always so supportive of me in anything I do.
• 15:04
  Carmen Lezeth: We need to be responsible human beings.
• 15:06
  Carmen Lezeth: We need to not only do the best we can as we go along in this process of whatever it is we're creating and doing, but when we make a mistake, which is the most important part of who we are right, but when we make a mistake, which is the most important part of who we are right the most important part of who we are is not when things are easy.
• 15:23
  Carmen Lezeth: It's when things are hard.
• 15:25
  Carmen Lezeth: We need to be able to take responsibility for our actions, and I think one of the most important things that anyone can do.
• 15:33
  Carmen Lezeth: This is the way in which I try to live my life.
• 15:37
  Carmen Lezeth: When I see or hear something that I don't understand or I think is blatantly wrong, my first thought is okay, what do I not understand?
• 15:47
  Carmen Lezeth: What do I not get about this process that could possibly be wrong?
• 15:52
  Carmen Lezeth: I'll give you guys another example.
• 15:54
  Carmen Lezeth: I have an elder in my family who they're not even that old, but anyway, every time they use the phone or every time they try to use a computer, they're always mad at the computer of the phone, right?
• 16:08
  Carmen Lezeth: They're like oh, the stupid phone doesn't work.
• 16:10
  Carmen Lezeth: Or see, the computer is just, there's something wrong, there's a virus, Everything's a virus.
• 16:16
  Carmen Lezeth: When you're like someone who doesn't use a computer or a phone.
• 16:19
  Carmen Lezeth: So I always have to remind them it's just a machine, like there's nothing wrong with the computer or the phone, it's you.
• 16:28
  Carmen Lezeth: You don't know how to use it.
• 16:30
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me show you.
• 16:32
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I mean.
• 16:32
  Carmen Lezeth: But they, no matter what.
• 16:35
  Carmen Lezeth: They will continuously say that it's the phone's fault or the computer's fault when I have an issue with my computer or my phone, my first thought isn't what's wrong with the phone or the computer.
• 16:47
  Carmen Lezeth: My first thought is okay, what am I not getting?
• 16:50
  Carmen Lezeth: What am I not understanding?
• 16:53
  Carmen Lezeth: A lot of people I work with know that I'm not a Mac person at all.
• 16:56
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm not an Apple product person.
• 16:58
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't have an iPhone and I don't use Mac computers.
• 17:01
  Carmen Lezeth: But two of my clients solidly use Mac computers for everything.
• 17:05
  Carmen Lezeth: So one of my client's offices has a primo brilliant, it's just easy to use.
• 17:11
  Carmen Lezeth: Now I've used Mac computers but I'm not at ease as I am with Windows, right.
• 17:15
  Carmen Lezeth: But every time I have a problem with the Mac at any of my clients, I'm not yelling at Apple or the computer.
• 17:23
  Carmen Lezeth: I know it's me.
• 17:24
  Carmen Lezeth: I know that I'm not thinking the same Because even though they're both computers Windows and Mac there are different ways in which they work when it comes to using different software programs on them.
• 17:37
  Carmen Lezeth: Okay, my point is I take responsibility.
• 17:41
  Carmen Lezeth: I have humility enough to know that it's probably me.
• 17:45
  Carmen Lezeth: It's probably me first.
• 17:49
  Carmen Lezeth: So if somebody tells you something and you don't understand it, or you watch television and you see something and you're not sure and you're like what is going on, your first thought shouldn't be.
• 18:01
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me put this on.
• 18:03
  Carmen Lezeth: You know social media and complain about it.
• 18:07
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me start being complaining about the Mac computer.
• 18:10
  Carmen Lezeth: Mac computers are horrible.
• 18:11
  Carmen Lezeth: They're terrible computers.
• 18:12
  Carmen Lezeth: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 18:13
  Carmen Lezeth: No, my first thought is what do I not understand about Mac computers?
• 18:18
  Carmen Lezeth: How can I turn around and figure out what I'm not understanding?
• 18:23
  Carmen Lezeth: To get it?
• 18:24
  Carmen Lezeth: It's the same thing I tell to my elder whenever they complain about the phone or the computer.
• 18:31
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm like okay, you know what, let's try this again, because I'm telling you it's not the computer, it's you.
• 18:35
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me show you how to open the email.
• 18:37
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I mean.
• 18:38
  Carmen Lezeth: We have to have more humility and start understanding that we don't know what we don't know.
• 18:45
  Carmen Lezeth: Now, when you know what you know, you're not going to be confused.
• 18:48
  Carmen Lezeth: You're not going to be confused and it's not going to be that complicated.
• 18:54
  Carmen Lezeth: So if you've never watched something before and this is your first time watching it or if you don't know how a system works, don't first start complaining about it and making assumptions.
• 19:05
  Carmen Lezeth: But if you do because you think you know and you made a mistake, and then somebody calls you out on it, your job in that moment is not to double down on the fact that Chris Hemsworth is a black man with dreadlocks, from Jamaica, who's a musician.
• 19:21
  Carmen Lezeth: That's not your first take.
• 19:22
  Carmen Lezeth: Your first take is you know what?
• 19:25
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't think I understand this.
• 19:28
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't think I.
• 19:29
  Carmen Lezeth: How could Thor be a black man?
• 19:31
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me double check this.
• 19:33
  Carmen Lezeth: You don't double down on the lies.
• 19:36
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm going to turn on and be like you know what.
• 19:39
  Carmen Lezeth: I made a mistake, thor.
• 19:41
  Carmen Lezeth: Chris Hemsworth is not a black man.
• 19:44
  Carmen Lezeth: I made a mistake.
• 19:45
  Carmen Lezeth: I am so sorry.
• 19:47
  Carmen Lezeth: Here's what I meant to say, or here's who I thought I was talking about, or here's the person I meant to bring up in this conversation.
• 19:56
  Carmen Lezeth: Who we are as human beings is so important to me.
• 20:01
  Carmen Lezeth: You know, people make fun of me all the time about a lot of things, but the one thing that I don't care about is money.
• 20:09
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't care about money at all and I work for a lot of wealthy people and I have in the past and I continue to, and I'm telling you, money means less and less to me as I get older.
• 20:24
  Carmen Lezeth: But what does matter to me is if you're a good and decent person, if you have integrity and if you are somebody who has a core value and moral compass, and if you are able to apologize or fix something when you make a mistake, or rectify a situation when you were the cause of the problem or know that you don't know what you don't know and shut up.
• 20:53
  Carmen Lezeth: If you don't know, you know what I mean.
• 20:55
  Carmen Lezeth: Ask the question.
• 20:57
  Carmen Lezeth: If you don't know something, what I mean, ask the question.
• 21:02
  Carmen Lezeth: If you don't know something, ask the question.
• 21:03
  Carmen Lezeth: People will respect you for it.
• 21:04
  Carmen Lezeth: I promise you.
• 21:04
  Carmen Lezeth: It is the better way to go always.
• 21:08
  Carmen Lezeth: So I hope that was clear.
• 21:11
  Carmen Lezeth: I hope everyone understands that Chris Hemsworth, who we all love and adore Hemsworth, who we all love and adore is a beautiful man and is not a black man from Jamaica who is a musician with dreadlocks.
• 21:27
  Carmen Lezeth: That's not him.
• 21:27
  Carmen Lezeth: He is a fabulous, wonderful actor and we love him.
• 21:33
  Carmen Lezeth: We love Thor and we love Chris Hemsworth.
• 21:36
  Carmen Lezeth: But I hope that made the point clear and I hope we all start taking some responsibility as to what we can do to not just make our own personal lives better, but to understand how we can affect other people, and y'all know that matters to me.
• 21:53
  Carmen Lezeth: I wrote an entire book, canela about how important it was to have such wonderful people of integrity and just of immense, immense humanity in my life as a kid.
• 22:08
  Carmen Lezeth: It matters to me that people have integrity and are good and decent human beings and I will always fight for that in my life.
• 22:17
  Carmen Lezeth: And when I see that that's not happening, I walk away, because there are too many people in the world for me to in my life.
• 22:20
  Carmen Lezeth: And when I see that that's not happening, I walk away, because there are too many people in the world for me to miss out on.
• 22:24
  Carmen Lezeth: And it is not my job to fix people and it is not my job to make you somebody you cannot be if you are not ready, but it is my job to protect my space.
• 22:34
  Carmen Lezeth: And protecting my space means always having as much joy and beauty and possibility as possible in my life.
• 22:44
  Carmen Lezeth: So with that, thank you for stopping by.
• 22:47
  Carmen Lezeth: As always, remember, it really is all about the joy, and we will see you on Thursdays, 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern.
• 22:57
  Carmen Lezeth: And yeah, until next time.
• 22:59
  Carmen Lezeth: Bye, thanks for stopping by.
• 23:03
  Carmen Lezeth: All About the Joy.
• 23:04
  Carmen Lezeth: Be better and stay beautiful.
• 23:08
  Carmen Lezeth: Folks, have a sweet day.