Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / if you feel alone in your mental illness, this is for you.

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if you feel alone in your mental illness, this is for you. · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  Do you ever feel alone? Alone with your feelings?
• 0:03
  Like you are some alien that is experiencing your emotions for
• 0:07
  the first time ever and nobody else feels this way?
• 0:10
  That is the cruel nature of mental illness and I felt this
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  way for a very, very long time. When I first started struggling
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  with mental illness, I was convinced that I was the only
• 0:22
  person who had ever felt this way.
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  But luckily I was wrong. And luckily, so are you.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
• 0:36
  Feelings. When I first started realizing
• 0:39
  that something was wrong with my mental health, I started
• 0:41
  isolating myself. I started feeling lonely even
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  around other people because I was so convinced that I was the
• 0:49
  only person that had ever been this depressed.
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  I was the only person that had ever stayed in their room all
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  day, the only person who struggled to get up in the
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  morning. My brain was lying to me and I
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  didn't even realize it. And it wasn't until I came to
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  the Internet and I started sharing my feelings and suddenly
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  thousands of you opened up to me and you told me I understand
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  you. I feel that way too.
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  Did I realize that my brain was lying to me?
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  I am lucky. I am so lucky that I chose to
• 1:16
  stay, and I'm so lucky that I realized that I'm not alone and
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  neither are you. I first started this podcast as
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  a way to open the discussion about mental illness and mental
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  health from a real personal standpoint.
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  As many of you know, I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a professional in the mental health industry
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  whatsoever. I'm 23 years old, and I've
• 1:38
  struggled with my mental health since I was 17.
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  I dedicated my entire life to healing my mental health because
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  I realized that I was going to end it if I didn't do that.
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  And this podcast was a way for me to get my feelings out.
• 1:51
  It was therapy to me. After a long day, I can just sit
• 1:54
  here and talk to all of you. And we've created this amazing
• 1:57
  community where we all feel understood, and I'm so grateful.
• 2:01
  This is the 100th episode of Feel Your Feelings, 100
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  episodes. That is so hard to fathom.
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  This has become so deeply ingrained in my weekly routine
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  where I sit down and I just talk about feelings and it means so
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  much to me and it means even more to me that it means
• 2:19
  something to you. So thank you for joining me for
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  100 episodes. And today we're going to be
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  breaking down the fact that mental illness is lonely.
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  And I'm going to be answering some of your questions so that
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  you can see many other people feel just the way that you do.
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  I hosted AQ and A on my last podcast and today I'm going to
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  be answering 4 questions from that.
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  So think of today almost AS4 mini episodes about different
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  feelings. So let's talk talk about it.
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  First, we have a question from Senna and their question is, how
• 2:52
  long did it take for you to finally feel comfortable and
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  confident enough to not fall back into old habits while
• 2:58
  healing? I cannot find a way to stay
• 3:01
  positive. Now.
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  I want to answer this question honestly and not
• 3:05
  inspirationally. I didn't wake up one day and
• 3:08
  suddenly feel immense confidence in myself and in my recovery.
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  In fact, I still haven't woken up that way, even just in the
• 3:15
  last few months. I found myself slipping back
• 3:17
  into old habits. I found myself staying up late
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  again to isolate. I found myself not reaching out
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  to people. I found myself pulling away from
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  the art and the things that I love because I was starting to
• 3:27
  feel depressed again. There is no moment.
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  What happens is way less dramatic and at times way more
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  frustrating. Healing doesn't mean that you
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  never fall back, it means that you recover faster when you do.
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  A couple months ago when I started feeling bad, I was
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  dealing with feelings and coping mechanisms that in the past
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  would have put me into a pit for months and months, if not years.
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  But now I know myself more. I felt my big feelings and I've
• 3:57
  understood the ways that I can heal and the ways that I can
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  feel better. And in doing that, I'm able to
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  fall back into better, healthier coping mechanisms and bounce
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  back and feel better way, way quicker.
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  This is why I'm always encouraging all of you on this
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  podcast to please just try. Because that's the only way that
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  we can work towards healing is trying is waking up every day
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  and saying I am going to attempt to feel a little bit better
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  today. And that's why I always say to
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  start ridiculously small. Because the smaller you start,
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  the easier of a habit it is to build.
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  And slowly those habits will be in place for when you do fall
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  back. Because inevitably you will.
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  And that confidence doesn't come from one dramatic moment of
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  waking up. Instead it comes from knowing
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  that you've been through this before and knowing that you are
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  capable. You don't need to stay positive
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  in order to heal. Positivity is not the goal, self
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  trust is. The moment things started to
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  change for me is when I stopped asking why am I like this and I
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  started asking what do I need right now?
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  My healing journey didn't make me perfect and it won't make you
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  perfect. What it made me is more gentle
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  and more compassionate with myself whenever I started to
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  struggle. So if you're falling back into
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  old habits, it doesn't mean that you're failing.
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  It means that you're human and you're still trying.
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  So wake up every day, try your very best to heal, start
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  ridiculously small and slowly you will build up that
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  confidence through self trust. The next question is from
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  Raquel. And they ask how do I help my
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  significant other who's struggling with their mental
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  health when I've been in their spot?
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  But I've grown and I'm doing better now.
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  This question tells me how much you care and also how
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  complicated of a situation this is to navigate.
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  Because naturally when somebody we love is struggling and we
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  know what that feels like and we know what's helped us, we want
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  to try to pull them out of that. There's this quiet urge to say,
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  I know how to fix this. Why can't you just do what I
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  did? I know the feeling.
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  But the truth is, your partner doesn't need you to be their
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  therapist. They don't need you to be their
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  savior. They need you to be present
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  without trying to rescue them. Research on emotional support
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  shows that people heal more effectively when they feel
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  understood, not corrected. Even well-intentioned advice can
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  feel like pressure when someone is already overwhelmed.
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  The most powerful things that you can offer to somebody you
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  love is validation without comparison, support without any
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  control, encouragement without pressure or timelines.
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  You can say things like, I don't fully know what this feels like
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  for you, but I'm here. You don't have to heal at my
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  pace. I love you even on the days you
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  don't feel like yourself. Everyone has their own unique
• 6:47
  and individual healing journeys. One thing I always preach on
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  this podcast is to try things out and see what works for you
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  because my healing journey will look different from yours and
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  your healing journey will look different from the people that
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  you love. There is no one-size-fits-all
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  when it comes to our mental health.
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  There is no method, there is no instruction manual.
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  It is up to each individual person to take it upon
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  themselves to heal. And the best thing you can do is
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  walk alongside them is show them that you're there.
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  Show them that you support them. Just as important, I want to
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  remind you, you're allowed to have boundaries with them.
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  That doesn't make you a bad person.
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  Supporting someone doesn't mean sacrificing your own mental
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  health in order to prove your love, but you can be there for
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  them. You can walk alongside somebody
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  in their journey without carrying them.
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  Next up we have a question from Lori and the question is why
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  does it feel so wrong to put yourself 1st?
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  And I want to start by saying I feel a little bit called out and
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  maybe you do too because I have experienced this so much.
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  Putting myself first, putting myself as a priority when I am
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  struggling with my mental health feels really bad because I
• 8:01
  always want to be there for people.
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  I always want to engage with people.
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  But when you're struggling with your mental health, sometimes
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  that just isn't a feasible option.
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  Many of us learn that our worth comes from being useful and
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  agreeable instead of being honest about our needs.
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  If you learned early on that you got praise for being low
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  maintenance or helpful, then prioritizing yourself later in
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  life can cause a feeling of guilt instead of relief.
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  Your nervous system doesn't hear you saying I'm taking care of
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  myself, it hears I'm doing something dangerous, I'm doing
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  something unknown. I'm abandoning others.
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  The guilt for putting yourself first doesn't mean that you're
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  selfish. It means that you're rewiring
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  something. You haven't been prioritizing
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  yourself for a very long time. You haven't been choosing
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  yourself in your battles that you're facing.
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  You haven't been taking the time that you need.
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  Putting yourself first often feels wrong because it's
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  unfamiliar. And unfamiliar doesn't feel
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  safe, Especially if you're used to over giving, to feel secure.
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  If you're used to your worth being attached to how much you
• 9:01
  can help people, well of course taking that away takes away a
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  part of your identity. Putting yourself first isn't
• 9:07
  abandoning others. It's abandoning the idea that
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  your needs don't matter. It's abandoning the idea that
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  you're worth is attached to what you can provide because you are
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  so much more than that. You are so much more than what
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  you can provide to others. And you deserve to and are
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  allowed to put yourself 1st and put your mental health first.
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  It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make you
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  selfish. It's healthy and it's human.
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  I have two more questions to answer and both of them are
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  loosely related so we're kind of going to answer them one after
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  another. The first one is from Laura and
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  their question is why is it hard to accept therapy and why do
• 9:49
  people feel bad about accepting help from others?
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  This one hits pretty deep for me.
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  It took me years and years to finally accept that I needed
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  help. It took me years to finally
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  accept that my mental health was too heavy to carry on my own.
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  I was associating needing help with weakness because
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  independence is so glorified. We're taught to handle it and
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  push through it and figure it out on our own.
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  So I thought that I needed to prove something to myself.
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  Asking for help or going to therapy can kind of feel like an
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  admission of failure. But here's the truth.
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  You wouldn't feel ashamed for going to a doctor for a broken
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  bone, and your mental health shouldn't be any different.
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  Getting help from others isn't saying I can't handle this, it's
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  saying I care enough about my life to get support.
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  Accepting help is hard because it requires vulnerability, and
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  vulnerability feels risky, especially if you've been hurt
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  before. But needing help doesn't make
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  you broken. It makes you honest.
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  We want to be able to figure everything out on our own.
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  We want to be able to be superhuman.
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  We want to be able to be strong. But getting help isn't weak.
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  Getting help is often necessary. I got help.
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  I went to therapy for more than two years.
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  I went to therapy over and over and I slowly learned things from
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  my therapist that then turned into habits that then turned
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  into ways that I was able to help myself when I was
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  struggling on my own. And this leads me into the final
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  question which is from MAD. And they said I just had my
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  first therapy session this week. I've done brief short spurts of
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  it before online, but I actually went into an office this time.
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  Any tips or advice you can give about therapy?
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  My biggest tip about therapy specifically is to just stick
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  with it. It's hard, it is a challenge.
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  It doesn't just come easily, especially when you're going in
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  person, having to get up physically, go to a location,
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  and knowing that you're going to dig up trauma and you're going
• 11:46
  to dig up hurt and you're going to dig up pain.
• 11:47
  It's difficult and frankly, it sucks.
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  There were so many times that I was like, I just want to stay
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  home. I don't have the energy to go to
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  therapy today, but I did it anyway.
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  And I encourage you to do it anyway because healing your
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  mental health is a long, long journey that requires commitment
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  and it requires persistence and it requires repetition.
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  And going to therapy repeatedly is one of the best ways that you
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  can help your mental health, that you can establish routines
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  and learn coping mechanisms from somebody who has literally
• 12:17
  studied the brain and studied how it works.
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  I also want to remind you, don't be afraid to switch therapists.
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  Your therapist wants what is best for you.
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  So if it's not working out, switch to another one until
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  finally one works for you. There is no shame in looking out
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  for yourself and finding what works.
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  It took me a very long time to find what works.
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  And that's the thing with mental health, you have to just stick
• 12:40
  with it. You have to wake up every day
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  and try your best, and you're not going to get it right the
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  first time, and that's OK. 100 episodes blows my mind.
• 12:50
  I'm kind of in disbelief that we made it this far.
• 12:53
  Many days I wake up in disbelief that I made it this far at all.
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  There were so many days that I wanted to give up and I chose
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  not to. And it is thanks to many of you
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  being able to wake up every day and create something, create
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  something that feels meaningful, create a community of people who
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  are trying to heal. That kind of support kept me
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  going on many days that I wanted to give up.
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  I owe so much to all of you. It is so incredible that I get
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  to do this. I am so, so thankful.
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  So thank you for 100 episodes. If you need help feeling your
• 13:29
  feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
• 13:32
  the name of Ethan Jewell. I almost guarantee it'll make
• 13:35
  you cry. Thank you for being here on this
• 13:38
  journey with me. I can't wait to make 100 more.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.