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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the The Just -Relinquishing Control to Reclaim the Self 2.16.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  We're going to analyze this point, which is that 2 chapters
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  prior Isaiah Shane told us that a person who can develop a
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  straight a trade of a Hassi Hassin means you can become a
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  very dedicated person any area. The Jew, you have the capability
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  to be inspired and to be dedicated.
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  You meet, come first and dedicate to Avadi said all you
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  really care about the people you want to do what you can about
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  the people You can be dedicated to Avadi Hashem.
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  You want to serve Hashem in the full way and we have within us
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  the ability and the makeup of becoming an Ashimi dedicated
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  person, which in a certain sense can create the full form of our
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  self and real beauty. And we become very excited about
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  a certain tactic, whether it be learning, praying, has said
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  other people fun, He says The problem is, is that we have one
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  thing holding us back from that two actually one small one is
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  luxuries. The need for luxuries.
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  You get busy with that and distracts us.
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  But much more prevalent reason that our minds and ourselves do
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  not go to the full extent is because of the fact that we have
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  worries. Worries are on our mind at all
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  time. And he says they eat at us and
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  refuse those exact words. But he basically says is that
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  while you're worried get not so present.
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  The way it works for all of us is when you are distracted,
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  especially with worries, your mind is over there.
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  Your mind is busy with that gap, busy with feet of shoe.
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  It can exist for a day, it can exist for months, it can even go
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  on for years. And during that time I'm sure
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  you have insurance and outs. But during that time I will
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  focus is at half as clear as it would be without those
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  distractions. And our attention to what we
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  want in front of us is not really here.
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  And then you have a person who is capable, who's inspired,
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  who's driven, who's gifted, who really can be able to help
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  service community, who help serve Hashem or be there for his
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  family. He can really be a Hasid, which
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  is a pious person and a fully developed person.
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  But the problem is that he's not here.
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  And why he's not here because of those worries and as he says and
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  as we know, takes so many people away from their ability to be
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  their full self. So what do you do with this?
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  This is a whole world unto itself.
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  Why we stress is part of our makeup.
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  How do we get rid of it? The main way we know is be
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  tajon, but not simple translation.
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  The main way you have to internalize in order to be able
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  to get rid of these worries. Better yet, in order to be here,
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  to be present. I think of any aspect of your
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  life, you know, and I know when you call home from work and
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  there's something on your mind, you're half the father as I am
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  half the father and I would be without with a clear mind.
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  And the same thing as a husband, same thing as a rabbi, same
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  thing as a conference thing as he, as a member of the
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  community. You have the person when you
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  have these worries, and it's a major distraction.
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  Yeah, for sure. So how do you even in business
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  itself, exactly, when a person's trying to work and they have
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  worries at home or another area, they're not at all as effective
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  as they would be. We're very gifted people.
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  We have a lot going for us. But then we have this.
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  And The funny thing is the world that we have today, as much as
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  it's expanding and growing and developing all those things, it
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  has not figured out a way to remove this aspect.
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  In fact, it's only gotten stronger and and more
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  heightened. This way of Nick the looking at
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  life. It's gotten worse with time
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  instead of better, right? Correct, incorrect.
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  This is the way of the world. So as much as the world is is
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  developing and this specific area worries like getting worse,
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  not better. Why that is basic factor you're
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  involved in more things, right? Because of a broader world,
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  because the world has gotten since global, you're involved in
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  many more things. Because you're involved in many
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  more things, you have to address all those things.
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  And because of that, you now have so many more worries.
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  Now what do you do with this? That's how cool, by the way,
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  saying Shaconi Alvaro, which means that everything is made by
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  him, he made by his word. That is helpful, fine.
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  The overall theme that needs to be very clear, and I do not
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  believe that my actions or my control plays the real role.
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  Internalize that that time I don't live life with the mindset
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  at the action that I do. The moves I make, the words I
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  say, I don't think they have an effect on the outcome.
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  Now that's a very difficult thing to really believe.
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  Every minute of my day I speak. I'm talking right now.
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  How can I not believe that my mind doesn't have an effect in
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  the outcome? There are different layers to
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  this concept, but it's a reality, which is my hands don't
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  create my money, my moves don't create good children.
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  My, this, my that. Don't create certain outcome.
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  You have to do your issue to loot.
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  Absolutely you need to play your role.
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  But when you do your role, it's not about developing the
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  outcome. The more you let go of control,
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  the more you become a good person in every single area,
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  every area. Like Shaban morning, we spoke
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  about honesty, not lying. And you say to yourself, what
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  does not lying, what does speaking the truth have to do
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  with control, With MO Na? Two different topics. 1 is how I
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  treat other people, deal with other people.
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  The other one is how I believe in Hashem.
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  And yet the reality is to go hand in hand.
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  Why? Because when you have faith, you
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  don't feel the need to develop an outcome, to fabricate an
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  outcome. So having faith makes you a
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  modest person. Having faith makes you a more
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  dedicated person. Having faith makes you in every
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  area a better father, husband, worker, rabbi, member of the
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  community in every area. If you have a muna, you let go
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  of control. You're there for on your way to
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  becoming a great person. Because the makeup, the formula
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  is simple. Good person, good upbringing
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  inspired. Want to do good?
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  Then you have a fight against you, Worries, stress taking you
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  away. You knocked that out by saying
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  to yourself, I'm worried because I feel like I have to do
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  something about that. I can't get anything done there.
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  I cannot make it have any effect over there.
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  Or does it happen to that worry? It's out of your mind and
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  hopefully somewhat pushed out of your mind because you can't
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  control it. Anyhow, you let it go, you do
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  your work. We let it go.
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  Now you're back on track. Now you need your full self, he
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  says over here 437 We'll read from here where he says it.
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  Look up. There when your person ask llama
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  llama the same good match was beat the Hon.
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  Is really every time you? There's a llama.
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  The answer's always with the Hon.
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  I see the llama is 30 plus Mam is 4075 beat the Hon 29811195 is
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  6 25 noon in 1575 at the llama I meet the horn.
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  Good. If he has, why you wonder why
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  it's a lot The enters always beat the horn when if he
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  doesn't, why all the time. And that's in general to make a
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  person calmer when something really happens and before it
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  happens. The approach is let it go.
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  It's not your control. Now, ELA deja MIT the proper
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  approach to everything is that it comes the way people were
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  able to be very dedicated as a Hasid, the way someone is able
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  to sit and learn. I think about this all the time.
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  How do people sit and learn for hours on end?
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  You know what it kind of focus it takes to send alone, to write
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  books, to think, to review, to get a good.
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  It takes blocking out the whole world.
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  How can I block out the whole world?
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  I got one kid in this in this grade who's not doing well.
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  I have this going on in my finances.
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  How am I supposed to block out the whole world?
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  I haven't, you know, different issue.
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  I have something going on in the summer that I have to plan for.
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  My daughter's getting married. I have to pay for that.
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  How is it possible to block out the home?
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  How do they do it? Because you don't have anything
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  going on. Who does I send how that's it.
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  The way exactly that's it. The way of the Hasidim was and
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  by the way, these were people in history who had to deal with all
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  these issues. This is the way or seem to Ratan
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  Ikar. They made their spiritual
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  growth, their learning, the development, the main thing on
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  their mind, Umelachtan Tefela and the work that they have to
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  do. The nine to five Tefela tafel
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  means secondary. How in the world do you make it
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  secondary when you trust in the fact that you're not controlling
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  that? Now, this is so significant,
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  unbelievable, because our lives includes so much work and our
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  lives includes so much handiwork by our hands and our control.
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  If we are not careful in this area, that majority of our lives
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  will be eaten up by stress and the need to figure it out.
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  And you know what? That's extremely normal.
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  That's very practical. That is the regular person.
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  The regular person is busy with work.
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  I speak to people all the time and my father used to tell me
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  this all the time. When you ask someone how they're
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  doing and they tell you any time you ask them how they're doing,
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  they're thinking business, they're thinking about money.
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  They have kids, they have a marriage, they have different
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  things going on when you ask them how they're doing.
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  I have all these to say. At least the knee jerk reaction
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  is not healthy. Guarding money, not health,
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  because health is something that people don't think about while
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  they're healthy. Business is something that's
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  always on our mind. We all appear for you, huh?
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  How do you feel as health? I mean, how you doing means
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  money, All right, and that's fine, it's practical, but at the
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  same time you think about it, it's a big shame.
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  Why is it a shame? Because money very important.
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  I'll be honest too. It's extremely important.
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  I understand that I'm trying to run the shul.
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  I understand that from my own home.
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  I'm aware money is very important.
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  However, all money is the end of the day, is a means to an end,
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  and the end is your beautiful life.
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  And if your beautiful life is more busy with the means and it
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  is the end, then what that means is either you're spending more
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  time in the process and you're on the outcome.
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  You're spending more time on the way to get there than you are on
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  enjoying the actual living. And that is really the test of
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  every generation. And it's actually getting more
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  hiding than this one. We have more money, we have more
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  of this, we have more of that, we have a lot more.
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  But aha, at the same time, we also have so many areas that
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  seem like they ran out of control.
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  And because of that, because they're in your control, it's up
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  to you. That includes warming, stress,
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  nervousness. I have to do something.
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  I have to get to that person. Have you ever sat, sat down
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  after you finished a lot of issues?
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  You sit down, what rushes in front of your mind?
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  I'll have to address this every time I sit down to learn
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  immediately, I'm ready, I'm clear, I'm clean, sit down.
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  It comes to the front of my head, oh, I have to call that
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  person. I have to address that.
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  Why is it the case? That is the test.
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  The test is a test of control. And the moment a person let's go
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  over control, says to himself, do I need to work?
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  Yes. Do I need to be an effective
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  worker? Yes.
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  Should I be highly dedicated in my work?
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  Absolutely. I need to get involved.
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  I need to get busy. But the truth is all I am doing
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  when I work, to be really honest, he's doing you OK, OK.
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  He's doing it my duty. All I'm doing in my work is I'm
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  doing what God has to me. That's it.
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  I am not taking control. And if I say that everything
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  changes. First of all, the stress in your
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  life changes at second-half while you're working.
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  You do not consider this to be Orlando.
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  You're not crazy angry, you're not crazy frustrated.
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  You're not crazy or extreme. You're not you're not anything
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  because you are a person who recognizes the fact as all in
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  the hands of God. Appreciate our concept.
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  I realize this. You know people think that beat
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  Tajon as a hello. If you were God can't imagine
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  you were God for a second and you created the world.
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  He created the Torah, he created Jewish people and you want them
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  to fulfill the Torah. Just imagine play it off for a
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  second. You want them to fulfill your
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  Torah. Do you think you would give them
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  a world where majority of their brain space, they have a term
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  called brain space? Majority of a brain space is not
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  able to be focused on the Torah and it's misfort and it's
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  development and people becoming better people.
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  What do you think you would give them as their main task in this
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  world? Will you give them as their main
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  task the means to the end? Would you give me the main task?
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  As you know, they have to work and they have to sweat and not
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  to stress, not to be worried, to be nervous, and they can't
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  really function and they can't focus on development.
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  Would that be, will you give the people or will you give them the
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  opposite? An opportunity to develop and
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  the ability to become a better person and the ability to learn,
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  to pray, to connect, to guard, and the ability to take care of
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  other people, to give Kazoo to other people.
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  I'm sure pretty confident, and you and I will guard.
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  We would have used that approach, correct?
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  We're not guard. We do know His will and his will
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  is that is Torah is to fill. And because that's his will,
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  what does he want? He wants people to develop.
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  He wants people to give all this.
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  He wants people to say nice words to other people.
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  He wants people to be mentally helped.
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  He wants others to pray, to learn, to grow.
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  That's what Hashem wants right now.
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  If we spend our whole time stressing out Haram, we're not
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  able to fill God's word. We're not able to develop his
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  world. We look at all that stress of
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  all that, that potential stress and say to ourselves, I know
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  it's there, I know it's ready to go.
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  I know it's about to take me down.
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  I got that. But let me realize that is my
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  kryptonite from my ability to be my Superman.
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  I have the capability to be something unbelievable.
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  Instead, I see all this out there and it seems like it's
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  about to get me. If you look at that and you say
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  to yourself, I'm not going to let it happen, I know it's a
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  potential. I know he's trying to take me
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  down. I'm going to remain
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  understanding and I don't need to control those areas outside
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  of myself. I can't control them anyway.
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  Instead, I do my job. I work as much as I can.
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  I try to do what I can with effort.
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  By the same time, I retain the clarity of focus on life and
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  life's developed. This is a clear point.
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  I believe it's a very important point.
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  Never allow your mind, if you see your mind is too busy too
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  too too much focused on the outside things, areas that we
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  believe you can control, areas that lead to stress.
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  Don't say to yourself, I need a spa.
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  I don't say yourself I need a need a sauna.
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  I need to relax. That's true.
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  But the better way is you need to save yourself.
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  I need to live the life that I'm supposed to live and that is my
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  family, my wife, my children, my own personal growth, my
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  connection to Ashem by being there for the community.
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  I need to live that life. I'm not going to take the time
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  away from work. I'll work.
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  I'll work like a workaholic. Doesn't make a difference, but
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  I'll do so in a manner it isn't stressed out.
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  It isn't saying to myself if I don't answer that e-mail, right?
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  If I don't answer that e-mail, it's all going to go over, going
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  to, you know, get ruined. I remember when I was first
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  tried to fundraise for this show, right?
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  First time, I kept delaying it. Why I delayed?
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  Time's not right. Can't call people on a Monday.
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  Definitely can't call people on a Monday morning.
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  That makes sense. Which actually doesn't make
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  sense. You can't call on a Monday
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  afternoon. It's the first of the week.
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  You can't go on a Sunday. They're busy with their family.
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  You can't call them in April. It's pass off season.
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  Can't call them and make oh, good, right.
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  And I kept delaying. Obviously it was
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  procrastination, but it was also my belief that I knew the
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  perfect spot to hit, right. And I said this last year when
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  tariffs came, same friend of mine came back up on my mind.
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  Tariffs, you can ask people for money and they have tariffs to
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  pay. We out of your mind.
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  You can't sit for a nickel. And someone told me at the time,
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  if you don't do it now, you're not going to get you're not
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  going to get it done. I picked up the phone and I call
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  people. Every question was very
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  effective one because doesn't work that way.
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  You're not in control. It could be the worst season
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  imaginable. You call, you do, you try,
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  Hashem delivers. And it's true in business,
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  you've seen in a business as well.
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  You've seen the craziest seasons of someone played out.
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  Now I understand there's a practicality when you look at
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  the world and I'm very much recognizing the fact.
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  And we all, we live in extremely stressful world and we are very
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  much prone. And it's very normal to have
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  your mind eaten up by these areas of control.
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  But it's a shame. Part 1.
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  And it's also only a test, which means God knows that you have
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  great gifts. Hashem knows that you can
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  connect to Him. He knows he can pray, you can
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  learn, you can develop, you have the right thing to say to other
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  people. He knows the kind of father and
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  grandfather and husband you can be.
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  And therefore he throws one general test your way.
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  And that one test is this stress.
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  Take a bath. You swing at this stress, you
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  knock out of the park and you have the opportunity to be
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  something unbelievable. If you allow it to sit there and
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  ride on you, then your risk. This is the idea.
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  I'm mazat Hashem, you recognize this.
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  We make word and point, but not the main thing.
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  The main thing is myself, my development, my family, my
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  marriage goes around me. That's the main thing.
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  And I'll be calm by the person which is stop with this like I
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  live.