Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #222| How to Ruin a Weekend (& What to Do Instead)
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: People feel a little resistance to this idea, like, so I just have to always have low expectations?
- 0:05Michelle Gauthier: only if you don't want to s uffer.
- 0:12Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:29Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:39Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Today I'm going to tell you a story about how I ruined a perfectly good weekend with my very own expectations.
- 0:47Michelle Gauthier: If you've ever felt disappointed, even though nothing technically went wrong, I think this is gonna resonate with you.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: This is also the way that we can cause ourselves lots of stress and overwhelms.
- 1:00Michelle Gauthier: When you listen today, you're gonna learn why our biggest disappointments or frustrations or stress can often come from unspoken expectations.
- 1:08Michelle Gauthier: How projecting your plan onto someone else can totally backfire.
- 1:13Michelle Gauthier: And then I'll leave you with one small question that you can use to help avoid unnecessary stress and suffering so that you don't have to ruin a perfectly good weekend like I did.
- 1:23Michelle Gauthier: There's a saying I love that all suffering lies in the gap between our expectations and reality.
- 1:31Michelle Gauthier: A really simple example of that is if you're going on a trip and you have a flight and the flight leaves at 10 a.m., your expectation is that your flight will leave at 10 a.m.
- 1:39Michelle Gauthier: And if your flight leaves at 1 p.m.
- 1:42Michelle Gauthier: instead because it's delayed, you're suffering.
- 1:44Michelle Gauthier: Your expectation was that it was going to leave at 10.
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: The reality is that it left at 1, and that's where the suffering happens.
- 1:51Michelle Gauthier: So, with that concept in mind, I'll tell you a few weeks ago we had a huge snowstorm.
- 1:56Michelle Gauthier: I live in St.
- 1:56Michelle Gauthier: Louis and I was so excited.
- 1:58Michelle Gauthier: I'm originally from Minnesota, yay, Minnesota.
- 2:01Michelle Gauthier: So snow is so nostalgic and fun for me and always reminds me of my childhood.
- 2:05Michelle Gauthier: I was heading to spend the weekend with the handsome man friend.
- 2:08Michelle Gauthier: He lives downtown in a high rise.
- 2:11Michelle Gauthier: And so I thought that will be so fun.
- 2:13Michelle Gauthier: Not only is it gonna snow, but also it'll be so fun because we'll be in the city.
- 2:17Michelle Gauthier: I live in the suburbs, so you know you have to drive everywhere.
- 2:20Michelle Gauthier: So we'll be in the city and we can bundle up in cute winter gear and go for a long, snowy walk in the park.
- 2:26Michelle Gauthier: And I knew a lot of the places would probably be open there because people can walk to get to him.
- 2:31Michelle Gauthier: And then I decided we were gonna have soup.
- 2:35Michelle Gauthier: So I packed the ingredients to make soup and then another recipe that my sister had just told me about.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: And then we would catch up on watching our shows and just have this super fun, snowy weekend.
- 2:45Michelle Gauthier: And the reality was I woke up that snowy morning and I was so excited.
- 2:49Michelle Gauthier: I couldn't wait for him to wake up so that we could get going on this super fun winter day.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: And it turns out he really had zero interest, especially in walking outside.
- 3:01Michelle Gauthier: And he was saying he felt trapped inside with the snow.
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: So he wanted to get in the car and do something and go somewhere.
- 3:07Michelle Gauthier: But in my mind, the best part of it was that we were in the city and we could walk places and we could be out in the snow and it was going to be so much fun.
- 3:15Michelle Gauthier: And eventually I was like, this walk is the only thing that I want to do.
- 3:20Michelle Gauthier: So we just disagreed on what to do.
- 3:23Michelle Gauthier: And eventually I was like, please walk somewhere with me.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: This is like the one thing that I want to do today.
- 3:28Michelle Gauthier: And he was like, Okay.
- 3:29Michelle Gauthier: He did it because I really wanted to, but he definitely didn't want to.
- 3:33Michelle Gauthier: And we walked to our favorite pizza and wine bar place, and it was actually really lovely.
- 3:37Michelle Gauthier: It was very picturesque.
- 3:38Michelle Gauthier: It was like snowing outside while we were sitting in the warm.
- 3:41Michelle Gauthier: It was perfect, exactly what I was hoping for.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: And then we started walking back, and it was freezing cold, and the fun of the walk had worn off.
- 3:49Michelle Gauthier: And we got back to his place and hung out a little bit and it was fine.
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: And then I said, Okay, maybe I should get started on the soup for dinner.
- 3:56Michelle Gauthier: He's I'm really not hungry.
- 3:57Michelle Gauthier: Are you hungry?
- 3:58Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, No, I'm not hungry either because we had this late lunch because I made us go out for pizza.
- 4:03Michelle Gauthier: But I had planned that we were gonna have that soup, and I was still so disappointed that we didn't.
- 4:09Michelle Gauthier: All along the way, every time my expectation didn't get met, and it got met with the reality of someone else who didn't want to do everything that I wanted to do, I kept feeling disappointed and frustrated.
- 4:21Michelle Gauthier: In my mind, my expectation was we're gonna walk, we're gonna cook, we're gonna watch our show.
- 4:27Michelle Gauthier: But really, those were my expectations.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: I didn't communicate them.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: I just assumed that he would be on the same page.
- 4:35Michelle Gauthier: I could have absolutely changed my expectations.
- 4:38Michelle Gauthier: My expectations could have been I want to go for a walk, or I'm making soup, no matter if we don't feel like eating it just because I want to do it.
- 4:48Michelle Gauthier: So when I look back, here's what I did to create my own disappointment.
- 4:51Michelle Gauthier: Assumed someone else was on the exact same page as me.
- 4:54Michelle Gauthier: Okay, with humans, it's very unusual that people are just automatically on the same page.
- 5:00Michelle Gauthier: So that wasn't good.
- 5:01Michelle Gauthier: If your expectations include another person, go ahead and ask them.
- 5:04Michelle Gauthier: Go ahead and say, hey, this is what I was thinking.
- 5:07Michelle Gauthier: Is that what you were thinking?
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: So that you can set realistic expectations, or choose to do things you want to do that are totally in your control without requiring anyone else to do them with you.
- 5:17Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes people feel a little resistance to this idea, like, so I just have to always have low expectations, only if you don't want to suffer.
- 5:25Michelle Gauthier: It's totally up to you.
- 5:27Michelle Gauthier: Just as a reminder, we don't suffer because of what happens.
- 5:30Michelle Gauthier: We suffer because of the gap between what we expected and what actually occurred.
- 5:35Michelle Gauthier: So if you want to feel more in control of your time and your mood and your joy, start noticing your own expectations.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: Communicate them clearly or take responsibility and create expectations that are fully in your own control.
- 5:49Michelle Gauthier: I will say when I finish working with clients, I will ask them some of the most impactful things that they've learned that they're going to keep for the rest of their life.
- 5:58Michelle Gauthier: And this concept is one of the big ones.
- 6:00Michelle Gauthier: Learning to notice what your expectations are and set expectations that are in your own control.
- 6:06Michelle Gauthier: If this is an area where you struggle and you are interested in working with me, this is exactly what I do.
- 6:12Michelle Gauthier: And I would love to help you set yourself up for success.
- 6:15Michelle Gauthier: I have a one-on-one coaching spot open and I would love to talk to you about it.
- 6:20Michelle Gauthier: The link for a free consultation is in the show notes.
- 6:23Michelle Gauthier: That's it.
- 6:24Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 6:29Michelle Gauthier: T hank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 6:32Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 6:39Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.