Latest / Oh And One More Thing / EP49 - How Not To Be Boring

Transcript

EP49 - How Not To Be Boring · Oh And One More Thing

0:35
how you doing? Everybody?
0:36
It's Rob. Welcome to one.
0:37
One more thing. And I'm Brian where your dad do
0:40
for the next 30 ish minutes. Yeah, give or take, give or
0:42
take. You know, dad seemed to know a
0:44
little bit about everything. And that's what makes this
0:46
podcast so fun. We can talk about anything and
0:49
everything. Yes, we can.
0:50
Hey, I'm, you know, on that note, you know, we're Gen.
0:52
X. Well, of course we are.
0:54
Well, I'm barely. Well, no, you are Gen.
0:56
XI know I am Gen. X.
0:57
Squeaked on in, but I I squeaked in.
0:58
I found a list of 10 things that can determine if Gen.
1:02
X if you're normal or not. Now, what do you mean if you're
1:04
normal? I'm going to read them to you
1:06
and. If you're a normal Gen.
1:07
X. You're a normal Gen.
1:08
Xer. OK, I aced all ten of these.
1:10
Ohh totally. I I've got to hear this.
1:12
OK. So I want to hear if you would
1:13
as well. So these are 10 things that
1:14
basically we grew up with that determine your Jenna.
1:16
OK, get your notes out here. We go number one, you use
1:19
aluminum ice trays with the lever, Absolutely.
1:21
Did remember cracking that ice open and they would all break?
1:25
Yep, and funny, only had that at my grandparents.
1:27
I think those trays were from the 50s.
1:29
Yeah, they were. Yeah.
1:30
And they were in our freezer growing.
1:31
Up, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.
1:33
Until my mom got those brand spangled new plastic ones that
1:37
you just twisted. Fancy plastic ones.
1:40
All right. Next one sharing one TV in the
1:43
house. Only one TV.
1:45
Only one TV. It was a console TV in a big
1:47
wooden box thing, you know, weird.
1:50
I remember when we got a second TV, it was a little 9 inch
1:53
colour TV that sat on the kitchen counter.
1:56
Cool. We'd never got a second TV.
1:58
We were fancy. It had one little fancy 1 little
2:00
antenna. We got the four stations in
2:01
town, barely. No, we never had a second TV.
2:04
But we got to watch news at dinner.
2:05
What in colour TV at? Dinner.
2:07
I know that's wrong. Unheard of.
2:11
How about writing cheques in the store?
2:14
All the time, right? You know, when I first got a
2:16
cheque book, This is when I was a a teenager.
2:18
I had to ask my parents, how do I how do I fill it out?
2:22
Because they didn't teach that in.
2:23
School No. So is it up to your parents to
2:26
teach you how to do that? So that I was like, so you mean
2:28
you have to write out the whole number?
2:30
Yeah, right. Like what?
2:31
What? Yeah, my kids are in the early
2:33
to mid 20s right now and they still barely know how to write a
2:36
cheque. Oh, we, we taught our kids how
2:37
to do. It but we taught them but in.
2:39
School, now they had an actual class where they got had to
2:42
write checks. Well, they do.
2:43
They did. Well, they did then.
2:45
But yeah, I don't know about now, yeah.
2:46
But yeah, it was interesting. I remember my, my first retail
2:49
job is cashier at Target in 1989.
2:51
And people, I mean everybody wrote checks back then.
2:53
And that was the worst part. You'd bring all their stuff up
2:55
and they'd sit there. It would take him 5 minutes to
2:57
write the freaking check out. Then he had to run it through
2:59
your machine and hope it cleared.
3:01
I don't know how the machine knows if it's gonna clear.
3:02
Back then, though, it didn't clear right away like it does
3:04
now. No, it took like 3 days.
3:06
An 89 target was fancy. We ran it through the machine.
3:08
Oh, fancy target. Well, it knew if it I guess
3:10
clear probably is the right word.
3:11
It knew if it was good or not. Oh, really?
3:13
Yeah, It it knew pretty quick 'cause I remember getting
3:15
something that like, sorry, I can't take a check right now and
3:17
they get all feisty and the manager would have to come over
3:19
and. Because, you know, back in the
3:21
day, I do remember I could write this check and I had three days
3:23
to get the money in the account. It's exactly I got.
3:27
The weekend I. Think I can make it to Monday?
3:29
All right, next one hanging clothes outside on a
3:32
clothesline. Yes.
3:33
Yeah. Did you do that?
3:34
Well, I didn't personally, but my mother did.
3:36
Right. And did the clothes smell the
3:38
best? Fantastic.
3:40
Yeah. The problem was though, in
3:41
Minnesota you only got to do that like 6 months out of the
3:43
year. Well no, you could do it in the
3:44
winter, just takes a little longer to freeze dry.
3:49
The the built in starch from 20 below weather.
3:51
Yes right, that's awesome. How about sitting close to the
3:53
TV? We were told we couldn't.
3:55
Well, of course we were all told we couldn't.
3:56
But because. That's gonna ruin your eyes.
3:58
But you had like at Max a 27 inch TV.
4:01
Yeah, that's it. No, but I think it was maybe 24,
4:03
but yeah. Unless you had the big, the big
4:05
console wooden one, the House of the stereo built in and all
4:07
that, then maybe it was like 35 inches we.
4:09
Did, but it was not. It was a tiny one, yeah, Yeah.
4:12
And he had to sit close 'cause he couldn't see a damn thing.
4:14
Right. And it was like, not good
4:16
quality. No, it's horrible.
4:17
It's horrible. A phone attached to the wall.
4:19
Only one phone, 3 foot cord attached to the wall.
4:23
No, no privacy at all. Zero privacy.
4:27
We we did have two. We had one upstairs and one
4:29
downstairs. They were both both attached to
4:30
the wall. The one upstairs had a 25 foot
4:32
cord. No.
4:33
But you can stretch about 75 feet if you were good.
4:36
My mom would not, would not spring for the longer cord with
4:39
the three foot cord in the kitchen.
4:41
So you couldn't even make it around the the wall, the
4:44
hallway, like you couldn't You stood at the phone and that's
4:47
it. Oh yeah, no.
4:47
We didn't have that waiting all week for one show.
4:51
Absolutely, because you were only you're tied.
4:53
To your TV, that was the only option, yeah.
4:55
Yeah, you were waiting for was it Cheers or friends or you
5:00
know, I can't remember all those shows, but you'd wait the next
5:02
week to see what happened all. In the family.
5:05
All in the family, you're date, you're going.
5:06
Happy days, Laverne and Shirley. All of those.
5:09
All those, Yeah. And what's funny is when Netflix
5:12
first came out and they dumped all their episodes at one time,
5:14
we're all like, what is this crazy thing they're doing?
5:16
Why would anybody do that? Yeah, how can all these at one
5:19
time? Well, and I'm a huge Game of
5:21
Thrones fan, and it's painful to have to wait every week for that
5:24
next episode to come out. Oh, it's horrible.
5:26
Calm down, Rob. Yeah.
5:28
Like now. Now Nurse Nikki.
5:29
What she'll do is she'll let the whole season go and then she'll
5:31
binge. It and then binge.
5:32
Yeah, yeah. And we we kind of do that now on
5:35
occasion just because we forget we're watching that show, right.
5:38
Yeah. So you know, I'm old.
5:40
How about drinking from the hose?
5:41
If you wanted a drink when you're outside, where are you
5:43
gonna go if you can't go in the house in the.
5:45
House go in the house, because if you spent your entire day
5:47
outside, right, of course now you're going to die because
5:49
there's some weird plastic in the holes that's going to kill
5:51
you and you can't do that anymore, but whatever.
5:53
What right? That's the Am I going to die,
5:55
Rob? Well, Brian and news for
5:59
eventually we're all going to die.
6:00
But not probably not from drinking water out of a hose,
6:03
no. No, yeah.
6:05
There was no remote. You were the remote.
6:08
For, yeah, for quite a while we were the remote, yes.
6:11
Absolutely we were. Not till later in the teenage
6:14
years and I don't know, something changed in the TV.
6:17
They got a new one. I don't remember.
6:18
They got a clicker. Yeah, then we had a remote.
6:20
But. Click, click, click, click.
6:22
Yeah, yeah. No, I was the remote to turn to
6:24
one of the three channels. We had but you being an only
6:26
child. I was the only remote.
6:28
You're the only remote. Remote, yes, Yeah.
6:30
It was always The Who is the youngest in our family, so if
6:33
the my older brother watching TV I'd have to change it.
6:36
He just kick in the head. They went and did it, yeah.
6:37
Basically, pretty much. And if I was watching TV, my
6:40
younger sister had to do it right.
6:43
Alright, and last one, memorizing phone numbers.
6:45
It's the only way, right? You had you had to know
6:48
everyone's number. You didn't write them down, you
6:50
just memorized. But then you could get the phone
6:52
book out. You could phone book, yes.
6:54
You can look up the parents name, yeah.
6:57
And then find the phone number that way.
6:58
Or if all else filled you could dial 411 yes and then get the
7:03
but phone number. But that used to cost you like
7:05
1/4 or $0.50 for a while when I first came out.
7:08
Like they really all they charge your perform.
7:10
Oh, my parents never told me. Oh yeah, I called it all the
7:12
time. What's the weather?
7:14
Call 411. I think eventually that stopped
7:17
and there was a point where they charged him for that.
7:19
Yeah. And memorizing phone numbers
7:21
back in the 70s or the 80s. Well, they all, everybody had
7:24
the same first 3 numbers. Like area codes weren't the
7:26
thing back then. I mean, they were, but we all
7:27
lived in the same area code, right?
7:29
Like Minneapolis was 612, Saint Paul and all the surrounding
7:32
areas was 612. Everything was everybody.
7:33
Somebody had 612, he only had a member 7.
7:35
And then everybody in our area was 473.
7:38
The the the. Prefix.
7:40
The first 3 numbers were 473. Mine was 251.
7:43
There you go. Yeah.
7:44
And and our area had three 251252 and 253.
7:48
Yeah, we had. 473, we had 475 that means you're on the Far
7:51
East side of town and 476, you're on the far West side of
7:54
town. But most everybody was 473, OK.
7:56
Yeah, so. There you go.
7:57
That's crazy. So you can claim all ten of
7:58
those, correct? I can, yes.
8:00
So did I win? Well, you're definitely Gen.
8:02
X. Thank you.
8:03
Yes. So Rob, do you have any more
8:06
complaints you need to get off your chest?
8:07
I know this is the time you used to vent.
8:10
A little. OK, well, I got so enthralled in
8:13
the Gen. X thing I wasn't going to.
8:14
But since you brought it up, Ryan, I might as well talk
8:17
about. It you might as well you
8:19
remember. Why are we here, Rob?
8:20
Right. We remember a couple weeks ago
8:22
it was, you know, we were in the middle of May ish sometime.
8:24
And what do we do every year in Minnesota?
8:26
We plant plants. Well, yes, and here's my thing.
8:31
What is it, Rob? So I love my wife dearly and she
8:35
does a phenomenal job with our planting beds.
8:37
Oh, by the house, very nice, beautiful.
8:39
That's beautiful. Flowers are up by the house as a
8:40
mound up in our front yard. And quite honestly, it was it
8:44
was left up to me. They would be maybe dirt, maybe
8:46
some sort of hostel that just keeps coming back every year
8:48
until I kill it. They'd be they'd be nothing.
8:50
She does such a fantastic job and I appreciate the fact she
8:53
puts so much. Really buttering her up the
8:55
logical. Side of me says why the hell am
8:59
I drop at 150 to 200 bucks every year for shit?
9:01
We know it's just going to die in six months, right?
9:03
Why are you doing that, Rob? Save your money.
9:06
So we planted a little bit earlier this year because the
9:08
weather was. Fantastic.
9:09
They're called perennials, right?
9:11
I know. But so we're trying to beat the
9:14
Beat the Rush because there's a couple weekends where it's
9:16
insane at the garden centre. Yeah, so we went a little bit
9:18
early. We're like, Oh yeah, the
9:19
weather's fine, we'll plant them.
9:20
It's Minnesota, Rob. Three days later, we got a
9:23
freeze. And those annual flowers died.
9:26
Not all of them, but someones not by the house all died.
9:29
So guess what we did the next weekend?
9:30
You had to replant. Spent another How many dollars
9:33
on more? Things are just going to die in
9:35
six months. Now, Rob, Rob there.
9:38
That's like throwing money away. It is but.
9:42
They look fantastic. They do look nice.
9:43
And I'm very proud of my wife for all the works she puts into
9:45
them because they look. Great.
9:46
When I got here today, because we always record at Rob's house,
9:49
they looked very nice. Yeah.
9:50
Yeah, they're very good. Yeah.
9:51
But once that kind of out of the way, it means I am ready for
9:54
boat season. Yay, boat season.
9:56
It's upon us. It's.
9:57
Upon us early June. Let's go, baby.
9:59
Yeah, water's still a little chilly, but.
10:01
Well, you aren't getting in the water.
10:02
Well, no, not it's about sitting on the water.
10:04
Well unless you have to pee really bad then it's you force
10:06
yourself to get in the water. Gross, Rob you.
10:08
Don't pee in the lake. No, really.
10:10
No. Well, maybe something.
10:12
I'm not going to talk about it. There's no public proof you've
10:16
done that. You're right.
10:18
I don't think anybody who doesn't pee in the lake, to be
10:20
honest. With you.
10:20
Well, so I always go to our cabin and our lake, you know,
10:24
right there. So we can just get out of the
10:25
lake and go to the cabin so I don't have to do that in the
10:27
lake? Gotcha, gotcha.
10:29
Because it's gross we're. Usually in the middle of the
10:30
lake and that's like work to get to the shore.
10:32
And because you're at the Marina, you know, you got to
10:35
come back in, park the boat, go up the shore, all this stuff.
10:38
A lot of work. Yeah.
10:39
Nobody wants that. He wants that I'd have to leave
10:41
my spot with my beer in my hand. And how do you get that perfect
10:46
spot back out on the lake? Right.
10:48
Plus it warmed up the water faster in the spring, so.
10:50
You should get one of those little porta potty things for
10:53
your boat. Yeah.
10:54
No, we're not doing that. Yeah, you should.
10:57
OK, we're going to talk about that when boating, when we're on
10:59
the boat. All right, got it.
11:00
All right. OK, so to get into our topic
11:03
today I ran across this question Is it possible to not be boring?
11:09
Oh, oh, that's a good question. And it got me thinking, am I
11:12
boring? No.
11:12
So I thought, what the hell, let's make it a podcast.
11:15
I. Love it, right?
11:16
I love it. OK, so here we go.
11:18
OK, let's begin with a comforting truth.
11:20
Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, ah yeah, today I shall
11:24
be aggressively average. And yet somehow many of us drift
11:31
into that beige existence made of small talk, scrolling and
11:35
reheated routines. Ain't that the truth?
11:37
Yeah. So the real question isn't are
11:39
you boring? It's is it possible to not be
11:43
boring on purpose? And the answer is yes.
11:47
OK so the longer answer though also yes but requires intention,
11:51
a few mental upgrades and maybe even making your bed every day.
11:54
What? That's a struggle.
11:56
No, You got to make your bed every day.
11:58
We do. Why do you act like that?
12:02
It's more it's entertainment. It's entertaining because I get
12:05
upset about it. There you go.
12:06
So we've curated a few areas of growth to help you not be
12:09
boring. And when I say you, it's not
12:12
you, Rob. You're fantastic.
12:14
It's me for me not to be boring. Oh, I disagree with that, but
12:17
but I I see where you're going and I like it.
12:19
OK. You know, you know, we didn't
12:20
talk about before we started all this.
12:21
What? Well, you know, I told you
12:22
before the, like, live on the edge.
12:24
Yeah. Yeah.
12:25
The edge of my couch. You had to slip that joke.
12:28
We can't. Go on without a dad joke to
12:29
begin the podcast. Because we've got to have that
12:31
rim shot every single time. Anyway, enough of that, so here
12:34
we go. How to talk to anyone without
12:37
sounding like a customer service bot?
12:39
Thank you for a calling customer IRS.
12:41
Just like that, just like that. Most boring isn't about
12:44
personality, it's about interaction style.
12:47
If you stick to safe surface level questions, you'll keep
12:51
getting safe surface level conversation.
12:53
Very true. It seems simple, right?
12:55
That's not a personality flaw, it's just low risk
12:58
communication. The fix isn't to become louder,
13:01
funnier or more charismatic overnight.
13:04
For reference, refer to magnetism.
13:06
Do you have it? It's a podcast.
13:07
Yep, there it is. The fix is simple.
13:10
Be curious out loud. So instead of asking questions
13:13
people have answered 100 times, ask the ones they wish someone
13:17
would ask. So instead of hey, what do you
13:20
do right? Why don't you try?
13:21
What part of your job do you secretly love?
13:24
Or what's something about your work that would surprise people?
13:27
So do you think you? Could really say that.
13:29
So, Rob, what is it about your job you secretly love?
13:34
Well, I still think I would maybe ask what do you do and
13:35
say, oh, that's kind of cool. So what what do you really love
13:37
about that job? Like I think.
13:38
You can. So you can carry that into the
13:40
conversation. Yeah.
13:41
But but the idea I think behind that is getting a little bit
13:44
more than just like, hey, what do you do right?
13:47
Yeah, get involved that very, very service level.
13:49
The same question everybody asks.
13:51
Yeah. And.
13:51
Everybody asks that question. Everybody does.
13:54
And then you have that. So the kind of that canned
13:56
answer, right, you know? So I mean, that small ship does
13:58
two things. It signals you're actually
14:00
paying attention, and it gives the other person permission to
14:03
be more interesting. Oh, that's cool, though.
14:05
Yeah. So I, I like that open door
14:08
effect of about, hey, you can talk about a little bit more if
14:11
you want to. I like that.
14:13
So I don't know if I like Secretly Love, but I think
14:16
there's a way to change that question up just to be more
14:19
interesting. Right, all right, next one, make
14:21
it a conversation, not an interview.
14:23
Why not? Well, because a lot of people
14:24
accidentally sound robotic because they stack questions
14:27
like a checklist. Oh, that's me.
14:28
Where are you from? What do you do?
14:31
How long have you lived here? So it's not a conversation,
14:34
that's a flipping survey. So instead, react before you
14:38
redirect. When someone answers, grab on to
14:40
something they said and explore it.
14:42
You said you just moved here. That's a bold move.
14:45
What made you pick this place? See how that, you know,
14:49
laughing, but see how that kind of changed the essence of So you
14:53
moved here, huh? I was.
14:55
Thinking to think of as soon as you said that was the movie
14:57
Dodgeball, which I think we talked about this off podcast.
15:00
Did you you've never seen the movie?
15:01
No, I haven't. Jason, Jason Bateman is the is
15:04
one of the broadcasters then there and he knows one of his
15:07
comments is that's a bold move. Cotton, cotton dealer broadcast,
15:11
That's all I could think it was going to be said that was I was
15:12
waiting for the cotton to come out.
15:14
That's a bold move. Cotton Well, had I known that
15:16
records that could have said that.
15:18
Sorry I didn't mean to go off on that but then made me left.
15:20
So you know, you're just asking questions, but you're also
15:23
building a thread. So that's the idea behind that.
15:25
Right, good answer Cotton. All right use specific
15:28
curiosity, so vague is basically boring.
15:31
Generic questions get generic answers.
15:33
Specific questions on lock stories.
15:35
OK, so how was your weekend? Good.
15:39
What's the highlight every weekend?
15:40
Now you're getting somewhere. What's something small that made
15:43
your weekend better? Now you're getting personality.
15:47
Something small that made your weekend better now.
15:48
So I think I can ask that of you because we're friends.
15:52
But if you're a total stranger, how do you phrase that
15:55
differently? That doesn't sound like weird.
15:58
What would you ask a total stranger?
15:59
How was your weekend to begin with?
16:00
Yeah, you would. Well, I did it on the phone
16:03
today with people at work. I mean, I've only been working
16:05
with this person for a couple of weeks, OK, We talked about the
16:07
weekend. But you had somewhat of a
16:09
relationship with. OK, you're right.
16:10
So you're right. I I I know them from previous
16:13
weeks prior, but right? But I get that.
16:15
How was your weekend? Good.
16:16
What was the highlight? What did you do?
16:18
Right. So phrase it just a little bit
16:19
different. So ask, continue to ask
16:21
intriguing questions is what I'm getting out of that, right?
16:24
Because curiosity shows effort, and effort is interesting.
16:27
Well there you go, we did tie that back.
16:29
Love it. OK so follow the energy.
16:31
People accidentally kill conversations by ignoring what
16:34
the other person is clearly excited about.
16:37
What I do this once in a while with my wife.
16:39
Oh no, you have to learn how to listen.
16:41
No, I I listen to her, but sometimes she starts talking
16:43
about work and sometimes I drift off a little bit.
16:46
You need to be. I know, that's why I said.
16:48
You gotta pick out things that she says you can respond to I.
16:50
Know I and I do and that, but as soon as you say that I'm like oh
16:52
shit, I do this once in a while, OK, and I can't do that.
16:55
I mean, I 100% agree with you. I have to follow the energy and
16:58
she's excited about it. Right, OK.
17:00
I can't just let her hang. So that's why, that's why I said
17:02
all. It's like it's on me.
17:03
Oh yeah. We can.
17:04
We'll watch. For I'm learning things.
17:06
Oh good. Good.
17:08
I don't want we got to learn something, right?
17:10
So if someone lights up about talking about cooking, don't
17:13
pivot to something else. Stay there.
17:15
OK, Wait. How did you get into that?
17:18
Or what's the best thing you've made recently or something like
17:23
what's what's a dish you're proud of?
17:25
Yeah. OK.
17:26
I get it. So you're going to ask me about
17:28
cooking now, aren't you? Absolutely I am.
17:30
Yeah. What do you have for dinner
17:31
tonight? What did we have for dinner
17:32
tonight? Salads, steak salads, steak
17:35
salads, steak salads. And I roasted tomatoes.
17:40
So not fire roast because I don't have a gas stove, but
17:43
roasted tomatoes to cut up and put on top.
17:46
That sounds yummy. That's quite delicious.
17:47
Nice, yeah. Don't you ask what I had for
17:49
dinner. Oh yeah, Robiticcia, sorry, I'm
17:52
not, I'm not paying attention to what we were just talking about.
17:56
But Rob, what did you? Yeah, for dinner.
17:57
Nearly as exciting as yours. Did it come out of a can?
17:59
No it did not. It came out of the freezer,
18:02
thank you very much. But it was good.
18:04
It was healthy. It was it was a teriyaki chicken
18:06
with broccoli and carrots and rice.
18:07
It was super good. Well, that sounds good.
18:09
And aside with a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich.
18:11
Oh, now you lost me there. I love peanut butter and Jelly
18:14
though. I know it was really good.
18:16
So anyway, energy is a map. Yeah.
18:18
So the idea is to follow that map.
18:19
Yep. Absolutely offer, don't just
18:21
extract. What does that?
18:23
Mean so if you only ask questions you can still come off
18:25
like a polite robot. Good conversations are a loop,
18:28
not a one way St. Oh, so that's where it gets
18:31
tricky, right 'cause sometimes you don't like have a follow up
18:33
and so you just kind of like what?
18:35
And what do I do next? Those are spinning and trying to
18:37
think of that follow up. Yeah, that's hard.
18:39
Yeah. So if someone shares something,
18:41
give a little piece of yourself back.
18:43
You love early mornings. That's impressive.
18:45
I've been trying to become that person, but my snooze button is
18:47
undefeated. If that's.
18:49
True, if it's true. Yeah.
18:51
So it feels a little more human, slightly imperfect, real, but
18:53
you. You get the idea.
18:54
It kind of gets the conversation rolling a little bit so that you
18:57
can keep talking about mornings in this scenario, right?
19:00
That's fun. Yeah.
19:01
I'm going to try these out at parties.
19:03
I think you should. And not that I go to parties.
19:05
I I come to see you. Right.
19:07
Yeah. I don't.
19:08
We don't have parties. This doesn't work.
19:09
On wait, maybe we should have a party.
19:11
Oh, we should, yeah. Let's invite, well, our wives.
19:16
That's good enough. OK, that's enough.
19:19
So conversation isn't the performance where you need to
19:21
impress people. It's a treasure hunt.
19:24
Oh, I like that where you're trying to discover what makes
19:27
someone light up do. You remember the 70s game show
19:29
Treasure Hunt? No, you.
19:31
Don't. 70s Well, you know, without watching TV, that's a
19:34
lot. Of it you see, you go find some
19:35
YouTube videos and find it. It's a really stupid game show,
19:37
but it's it's fascinating. OK, I like the premise of a
19:41
treasure hunt. Yeah.
19:42
It's kind of cool. Anyway, moving on.
19:43
So anyway, here's the the twist. When people feel seen, heard,
19:47
and interesting, they associate that feeling with you.
19:51
That's why curiosity is socially contagious.
19:53
You don't become interesting by performing, you become
19:56
interesting by noticing better. There you go.
20:04
Hey, Brian, Hey Rob. We all know that Spring Green
20:07
fertilizes our lawn and sprays for weeds.
20:09
And it looks fantastic. Did you also know they offer a
20:12
bunch of other services? Like making mosquitoes go away.
20:14
We love our mosquito free yard, especially in Minnesota.
20:17
You know mosquitoes are the official state bird, right?
20:20
I'm fairly certain it's saloon, but yes, no mosquitoes rock.
20:24
And liquid aerations, rock and mechanical aerations, and
20:27
overseeding and lawn insect control.
20:29
Oh my. And don't forget about the total
20:32
home pest and rodent control. That's right, my house is mouse
20:35
free. See what Spring Green can do for
20:37
you at springdashgreen.com. For a personalized quote
20:40
specific to your property, that's Spring dashgreen.com.
20:43
And tell them. Oh, and one more thing, don't
20:45
you all? Right, welcome back, so #2
20:50
thinking fast and slow. What'd you say?
20:53
Thinking fast and slow. Thank you, I was slow at that.
20:57
And why your brain might be the problem?
21:00
No, wait a minute, we're only on #2.
21:02
Only on #2 Can you believe that boy.
21:03
We talked a lot already and I thought we were way past #2 but
21:06
hey, here we are. Right.
21:07
I love it. So in thinking fast and slow, we
21:10
operate on 2 mental systems. There's fast thinking, which is
21:13
automatic, instinctive, and effortless.
21:16
And there's slow thinking, which is deliberate, analytical, and
21:20
effortful. Most of the time we run on the
21:22
fast system. It's efficient, but it is
21:24
predictable. Yeah, that's where boring tends
21:26
to live. Autopilot mode.
21:28
Same opinions, same reactions, same routines.
21:31
You're not choosing responses, you're defaulting to them.
21:34
So interesting people interrupt that pattern.
21:37
They switch systems. They paused for a second longer
21:40
before responding. They questioned their first
21:42
reaction instead of trusting it blindly.
21:45
Like me, I trust everything blindly.
21:47
They noticed small details others skip over.
21:50
Instead of saying the obvious thing, they ask.
21:53
Is there a more thoughtful angle here?
21:56
What does that look like? So what that looks like in real
21:59
life? Autopilot fast thinking.
22:01
That movie was bad. Yeah, it was deliberate, slow
22:04
thinking. I didn't like it, but I think
22:06
it's because I expected something different going in.
22:08
Oh, I like that so much better. OK, Autopilot.
22:11
Yeah, I hate mornings. Yeah, no, I like mornings.
22:14
Deliberate. I hate mornings, but I've
22:16
noticed I actually think more clearly before noon.
22:18
I just resist getting there extra layer.
22:22
The why, the nuance, the observation is what creates the
22:25
depth. It is.
22:26
Those are actually way more interesting comments than the
22:29
first one. Right.
22:30
And I probably wouldn't say all that as well, but more than just
22:34
mornings. Right.
22:35
Instead, it's just saying morning because.
22:37
There's always that one person at work when you work in an
22:40
office, unlike you when you work in an office is a person like,
22:42
hey, how's it going? How's, oh God, mornings, I need
22:45
my coffee. There's always that person.
22:48
I'm not that person in the morning, but but I I get it.
22:50
But there's that person. There is that person, yeah.
22:52
Don't be that. Person.
22:53
Don't be that person, Yeah. Don't be a person.
22:56
Oh, that's cool. I hate mornings.
22:57
I just eat with coffee. It'll wake me up.
22:58
I'll feel better later today. What I've always noticed about
23:00
mornings is that's when I'm most energetic.
23:03
You know, it just feel great, like the sun is coming up.
23:06
It's just, it's all like fresh and new.
23:09
And by the time it rolls around to noon, I'm like the day's
23:12
over. I'm done.
23:13
But that's because you're old. What?
23:15
Yes, when you're. I'm a bit older than you.
23:18
When? You're in your 20s, it's just
23:19
reversed. Like the mornings suck in the
23:20
like midnight to three Ms. the best.
23:22
Because you can stay up all night long.
23:23
I can barely make it to 8:00. Aid is a stretch.
23:27
So the next one, not the next one, is still part of two.
23:31
So why this matters? Socially, depth is attractive
23:33
because it's rare. Most people react, Fewer people
23:37
reflect. That's a strong statement.
23:40
Yes, it is. When you slow down your
23:42
thinking, your opinions become more original, your stories
23:45
become more detailed, and your conversations become less
23:49
predictable. You stop sounding like a loop
23:51
and start sounding like a person who's actually processing the
23:54
world. Processing the world, that's
23:57
what it says. I love that.
23:58
Yeah, that's. Awesome, isn't it?
23:59
So the key shift here is being interesting isn't about having
24:03
more experiences, it's about thinking more deeply about the
24:06
experience that you already have.
24:09
Fast thinking keeps things moving.
24:11
Slow thinking makes things meaningful and meaningful.
24:14
That's what people remember. Right, yeah, I you're going to
24:17
remember the good conversations, not the quick passerby ones that
24:20
are three word answers and. So if you were at a gathering, a
24:23
party, whatever, and you had this conversation and it got
24:26
really in depth, what do you think you're going to remember
24:28
the next day, right? That conversation with that
24:31
person because they were magnetic, right?
24:33
What? See how it all ties together.
24:36
It's amazing, All right. Third one, the laws of power
24:40
without becoming a villain. What?
24:41
What is that? Villains are awesome, all right.
24:43
The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene might seem like an odd
24:46
addition to this Don't be Boring guide, but here's the take away
24:49
Power often comes from mystery, restraint, and intentional
24:52
presence. You don't need manipulation.
24:55
You need awareness. Speak less than necessary, Say
24:59
things that land and don't over share every thought.
25:02
You have my biggest problem, right?
25:05
I tell people everything. Yeah.
25:07
Spew, spew, spew. Don't spew.
25:09
Don't spew. Don't spew.
25:10
Man of mystery, man of mystery. That's what I'm going to be, the
25:12
man. Of mystery, you need to wear a.
25:15
Three piece suit, yes. And have a have a boulder hat
25:18
you can take off and a pipe. And a pipe gotta have a gotta
25:21
have a pipe. Gotta have a pipe.
25:22
Because a little mystery is infinitely more interesting than
25:25
constant transparency. God.
25:26
I used a little the smell of pipe tobacco.
25:28
I do. I do.
25:29
My neighbor's dad smoked pipes all the times he could walk in
25:31
the house and first thing you'd smell like, oh, that's just an
25:34
awesome smell. I like that smell, too.
25:35
And so I was telling my wife I wanna get one.
25:37
Yeah, but I don't know that I'm at the right age yet.
25:39
I'm getting close. Yeah, but I I'm gonna be a pipe
25:41
man. Yeah, Lung cancer's a thing, so
25:42
probably I'm already gonna die. So I'll wait till I'm in my 70s,
25:47
then I'll get a pipe and then, you know, life is over, right?
25:51
Embrace the silence. You don't need to fill every
25:53
pause with umm or like kind of like I do a lot.
25:57
Yeah, you know, I've already cut all those you have.
26:01
Confident brief pauses are better than filler.
26:03
Worlds filler words. Worlds filler words.
26:09
Sometimes words are hard. They.
26:11
Are I'm it's so unconscious I don't even realize they do it.
26:14
And honestly, until I started listening to this podcast, how
26:16
many times I say umm or ah, it just, it doesn't.
26:19
It's not even in my conscience anymore.
26:21
It just happens, right? I'm so regulated to doing that I
26:24
had to take a. A speaking course once when I
26:27
was in one of my corporate worlds and we went through
26:31
learning this whole thing about UMM, and when you had to give
26:34
your presentation, your speech, all you could hear in the
26:38
background, if you said umm was someone scratched the piece of
26:40
paper and you were counted every time you said it.
26:42
So you were to like, oh, it's drilled into me.
26:44
You can't say that word now. Of course I say it, but I'm so
26:48
much more conscious of it because of that experience.
26:50
Yeah. I do that sometimes if I'm
26:52
listening to whether it's a speech or maybe it's even
26:54
somebody on the radio or whatever, just for a minute.
26:56
And if I'm bored with what they're talking about, I'll
26:59
start counting. I'll start counting the likes.
27:01
Yeah. So like, whatever the Pete word
27:03
at this movie. And like, it was fantastic.
27:05
Like, the the main star in it was like, amazing.
27:08
And like, I couldn't believe how well they, like, acted on it.
27:10
Stop with the likes. Oh drives me nuts.
27:14
But filler words, that's what we're we've learned to do that
27:17
right. The power of good habits.
27:19
Habits shape personality more than intentions do.
27:21
Don't become interesting by wanting to be interesting.
27:24
You become interesting by doing interesting things consistently.
27:27
Read daily. Lift weights, practice weights.
27:30
Practice Guitar Journal. So I've done I do one of those,
27:34
a journal. The others I don't do.
27:36
I don't. I don't do those either.
27:37
I don't practice guitar, but I think what they're getting at is
27:40
practice something other than what you're already regularly
27:43
doing. Sure.
27:44
So, so step out of your comfort zone is I think what they're
27:47
getting at. Gotcha.
27:48
See, I don't have that problem because I drink dosakis.
27:52
Because that makes you interesting.
27:54
I'm emulating the most interesting man in the world to
27:56
drink Dosakis. Right.
27:57
OK. I don't think that's it.
27:58
That doesn't work, no. So when we have a piano at home
28:02
and I always think that I want to learn piano, even though I, I
28:05
have a hard time reading music. So I think that's in the
28:07
background, like I should do that.
28:09
And based on this, the power of good habits is to try to do
28:12
something that's different and pushes you out of your comfort
28:15
zone, you know, and you're learning a skill.
28:16
So win, win. I'm really glad that all the way
28:19
from 5th grade through senior year, I played trombone in high
28:21
school, so I knew how to read music and play an instrument.
28:25
Now ask me to do it today. You know, 30-40 years later.
28:27
Not a chance, no. But I'm very glad to have that
28:30
experience. So I understand the concept, I
28:32
understand the process and the meaning behind it.
28:34
That's good. Yeah.
28:34
Did did we talk about this that I used to play trombone.
28:37
I think we. Did at one point.
28:39
Yeah, you know how long I played?
28:40
Two weeks. So my seven-year is all paces
28:44
here. 2 weeks. Yeah, totally.
28:46
So the idea here is to train your mind.
28:48
Habits turn effort into identity over time.
28:51
You don't try to be engaging, you just are.
28:54
Another good habit to learn is be present.
28:57
Being present isn't about clearing your mind, it's about
29:00
anchoring your attention. OK, So what do you mean?
29:03
If you are talking, let's use your wife for an example.
29:05
When she's talking about she's getting excited about work,
29:08
you'd need to anchor your attention to her and what she's
29:11
saying. Just don't let your mind drift.
29:13
OK, so instead of drifting into what you'll say next or
29:15
replaying what just happened, pick something real and
29:18
immediate. Yeah, so like the person in
29:19
front of you, the tone of their voice, the feeling of their
29:21
breath. Well, not the feeling of her
29:23
breath. Feeling of your breath then stay
29:29
there a second longer then feels natural.
29:31
So when your mind wanders and it will, don't fight it, just kind
29:35
of gently bring it back. Presence isn't perfection, it's
29:37
repetition. OK, that's cool.
29:39
That's a great way to think about.
29:40
That So the simplest way to think about it?
29:41
Be where your feet are and give your full attention to what's in
29:44
front of you. And it's not, I don't think it's
29:46
an easy thing to do. I mean, it takes practice, yeah.
29:49
So being present is hard sometimes, but you just got to
29:52
keep doing it over and over. And.
29:53
What's funny, we've talked about this being present multiple
29:56
times in different episodes on this podcast.
29:58
No. It's a consistent theme as we
30:00
dig into some of these topics. That dude just freaking be
30:03
there. Well, this podcast is all about
30:05
bettering ourselves and being a better human.
30:08
I thought we were the Seinfeld, the podcasts we are.
30:10
OK, we can talk about anything that's in our name.
30:12
That's right, whatever we want. Yes.
30:15
So #5 is when is enough enough? There's a trap hidden in self
30:20
improvement. Constantly upgrading yourself so
30:23
you don't feel basic. I'm doing the air quotes basic.
30:26
Basic bitch. But endless optimization can
30:30
make you exhausting instead of interesting.
30:33
Is that part of my problem? I'm constantly trying to improve
30:37
myself. I don't.
30:38
Think you're exhausting? Well, that's good.
30:41
Thanks, Rob. Absolutely.
30:42
So sometimes enough is enough. Depth beats volume 1, meaningful
30:46
hobby beats 5 shallow ones. But I have 5 meaningful hobbies.
30:52
One strong opinion beats 10 borrowed ones.
30:55
I like that. I like that.
30:56
So have an opinion. If you are staying neutral on
30:58
everything, you're invisible. Yeah, it's OK to have an
31:01
opinion. Just don't be too polarizing, I
31:02
believe, correct? Is that kind of work?
31:04
You don't want to push people away, right?
31:06
But you know, I guess that takes a little bit of finesse.
31:10
How to share your opinion and not alienate?
31:13
People right? So you don't need to argue, but
31:15
maybe stand for something like Love Jazz.
31:17
I like jazz, say I love it well. Hate olives?
31:20
No, I hate olives. You hate olives.
31:22
You have a very strong opinion of that and I.
31:24
Love olives? Think mornings are superior?
31:27
Yes, this guy right here. Mornings are superior.
31:30
Believe books are better than Why would you put this in here?
31:34
Believe books are better than podcasts.
31:36
Is that because I wanted you? What is wrong with?
31:39
You, because I wanted you to get irate over that.
31:43
You have no idea. Oh goodness.
31:47
So original thought, even small is compelling.
31:51
Yeah, and podcasts rule. Well, this one does.
31:54
Well, we try. All the other ones sucked.
31:55
No, they don't. You're right, they don't like
31:57
one out there. Number six, less doing, more
32:01
living. Yeah, love.
32:03
It. You don't need to hustle your
32:05
way into charisma. So sometimes I do.
32:08
In fact, trying too hard is usually what gets in the way.
32:12
Some of the most compelling people you'll meet aren't
32:14
performing or optimizing every moment.
32:16
They're just fully there. They're not half listening while
32:20
thinking about what to say next, Rob.
32:25
They're not checking notifications mid sentence.
32:28
Sometimes I do that. Apple Watch, people.
32:30
Sometimes they're not mentally somewhere else.
32:34
Usually a lot of times I'm mentally someone else, they're
32:37
present, and that presence does the heavy lifting.
32:40
Like little Sakis, man. Like little Sakis.
32:42
Man, it's not about doing less in life, it's about fragmenting
32:46
yourself less while you're doing it.
32:48
So while you're in a conversation, just be in the
32:50
conversation. That's hard right there.
32:52
It's very hard. When you're eating, actually
32:54
taste the food, don't just sculpt it down.
32:57
That's right, enjoy the savor the the moment.
32:59
Yeah, that's part of my retail because you had to eat fast.
33:02
Because you had to get back on the floor.
33:04
Because you. Didn't have much time, so you
33:05
just carved it down. So that's yeah, that's, that is
33:07
a hard habit to break. And when you're, you're raised
33:09
in a, a family where you just eat fast to get away from the
33:12
table, right, you know, and, and when I met Amy, my wife, the
33:18
style of their family was to stay around the table as long as
33:21
you could because it was so engaging.
33:24
And that was a world I just never knew the the.
33:26
The food, the company, the conversation.
33:28
Something to be savored, not. To get out of, yes, yeah.
33:31
Something's funny, let yourself fully enjoy it instead of moving
33:34
on instantly. So laugh out loud, laugh out
33:37
loud. Great.
33:38
These these sound small, but they compound into a very
33:40
noticeable presence. So attention isn't just
33:43
something you have, it's something you give, and when you
33:45
give it freely, people feel it. That's what makes you magnetic.
33:48
What? Yes, this might sound familiar.
33:52
If it doesn't go back a couple episodes, go.
33:54
Back up. See I love tying these together.
33:56
This is amazing. So we're on #7 reduce passive
34:00
consumption. Oh, I'm in trouble here.
34:03
Scrolling all day gives you opinions that aren't yours and
34:07
stories that you didn't live. Social media what I know.
34:11
Consumption feels productive but produces nothing.
34:14
Yep, create more than you consume.
34:16
You should write. You could build.
34:18
Get a practice, practice, practice and always do.
34:21
What we try to do on this podcast is learn something.
34:24
And if you all else feels, just keep on trying.
34:27
You can't be interesting if you're only absorbing other
34:30
people's lives. Just keep swimming.
34:32
Just keep swimming. Just keep.
34:33
It's a great moving. It's a great movie.
34:35
If you don't know we're talking about, shame on you if.
34:39
You have kids, you know what we're talking about.
34:41
All right #8 develop something you're good at.
34:43
Competence is attractive. Mastery is fascinating.
34:47
You don't need to be world class, but be known for
34:49
something. The friend who cooks.
34:51
Brian, thank you, Rob. The friend who lives Jeff Toxie.
34:56
The friend who knows philosophy, Rob.
34:59
The friend who can fix anything Rob Oh, that is true, I can fix
35:02
most things. The friend who always has a book
35:04
recommendation. Well, neither of us no that.
35:06
That's that's definitely Nurse Nikki.
35:08
OK, she got it. She is a reading bug.
35:10
Depth of 1 area beats mediocrity in 10.
35:13
So I got to work on a couple of these to get some depth in a few
35:17
topics. You know, I did read all the
35:18
Harry Potter books. I did too.
35:20
Those are those are really good. I thought so those.
35:22
Are the last books I read. No.
35:25
Yeah, I do read a lot online. I mean, I not books per se, but
35:29
I do read a lot of articles and I like documentary type things.
35:32
OK, so I do a lot of. Read read documentaries though.
35:35
Yes, you could. It's more like the Cliff Notes
35:37
version of them. Yeah, but I do.
35:40
Yes, absolutely. I'm reading the book that
35:42
Gunther from F1 Gunta Gunta wrote about the Haas experience.
35:47
Is that a good book? It's it's actually really
35:50
fascinating. Yeah.
35:51
Now I have a hard time picking up books at home and just
35:54
sitting down to read. Yeah, I always read when I'm at
35:56
the cabin. Yeah.
35:57
So IA book takes me a long time because I'm only reading early
36:00
morning on the deck by myself. Well, good thing cabin season is
36:03
here. Cabin season is here.
36:04
I can continue my book. Great.
36:05
Is it a paper copy book? Yeah, I don't have a Kindle or
36:08
anything like that to read off of.
36:09
OK, good. When you're done reading that,
36:10
drop it off here. Maybe I'll start reading again.
36:12
OK, that is one book I did want to read at some point.
36:14
Oh yeah, it is fascinating. It follows the I think it is the
36:17
2020 two 23 season. OK.
36:21
Right before he got boasted. Yeah, yeah, he was still.
36:23
He's still in it. He was the man.
36:25
Yeah. And so he wrote about that
36:26
experience and and it's quite fascinating.
36:28
It talks about how Haas became what they are today, right.
36:32
So how did they start? Right.
36:34
Yeah. And his name is Gunta.
36:35
His name is Gunta, which I think it's cool, it's amazing.
36:38
What are we on #8 #8 and why should I make my bed every day,
36:45
Rob? And why should I make my?
36:46
Bed every day. Make our bed every day.
36:48
Because you're not a raccoon. Also because small wins
36:52
compound. Making your bed signals order,
36:55
discipline, and momentum. It's less about the bed and more
36:58
about the your identity when you keep promises to yourself.
37:01
Even tiny ones like making the bed.
37:04
You build self respect in yourself and when you have
37:07
respect inwardly you can have it out working.
37:10
If you can. So the one thing to remember is
37:13
self respect radiates. Nobody calls someone boring who
37:16
clearly runs their own life. And you know, you, you know
37:20
those people just who don't make their bed.
37:21
And if you see their bedroom, you're kind of like.
37:24
Well, I don't think you've ever been upstairs, so you'll never
37:27
see my bed unmade. I have been upstairs in your
37:29
house. OK.
37:29
Sorry about that. You were there, weren't you?
37:36
Maybe I was. Maybe yours.
37:39
Oh, Rob, See, you're funny. Too many things out of the bag.
37:42
So is it possible to not be boring?
37:45
Yes, but not by trying to appear interesting.
37:48
OK, stop being boring. When you live intentionally,
37:52
think beyond autopilot. Build habits, tell better
37:56
stories, care deeply about something, stay curious.
38:00
And occasionally this is one for you, Brian.
38:03
Make your bed like you're a functioning adult.
38:05
I do that. I ready do.
38:06
So that's a great list. I think that kind of embodies
38:09
the whole thing that we're talking about.
38:10
Those 7 bullets right there, that's really a night.
38:13
I should put that. I should post that on the
38:15
computer. You should you should get like a
38:16
like a one with wood plaques on your wall in your.
38:18
Office. Oh, I should carve it.
38:19
Totally out of wood because you're going to start doing
38:21
that. I'm going to, I say I'm going
38:22
to, I tell everybody I'm going to.
38:24
Have I done it? No, but it's one of those new
38:26
hobbies that I'm going to start. Here's your whole Here's your
38:28
first project right here. It sounds like a lot of work.
38:33
Way to commit. So anyway, it's that simple, the
38:38
hard part, applying it. So practice, practice, practice.
38:42
And maybe someday, someday soon, you may come to realize that you
38:47
are not boring. You are exactly where you were
38:50
meant to be, in the center of it all.
38:53
Hanging out with the Dosekis man.
38:54
Hanging out with those sexies man.
38:56
What is that hanging out with dose dosekis?
38:58
Dosekis, dosekis, dosekis. This is weird.
39:03
Weird is good. As always, please follow us on
39:05
the socials on Owen One More Thing Pod on Facebook and
39:08
Instagram for highlights and news of our upcoming shows.
39:11
And if you have a show idea for us or just want to give some
39:13
feedback, send us an e-mail to owenonemorethingpod@gmail.com.
39:16
We'd love to hear from you and we'd love to get some additional
39:18
topics. People, let us know.
39:20
Yeah, help us out. And we also have some
39:22
merchandise, T-shirts and caps. If you're interested, just send
39:24
us an e-mail. Oh, and one more thing.
39:27
Bori isn't a personality trait, it's a byproduct of being on
39:30
autopilot. Choose direction, choose growth,
39:32
choose presence, and if all else fails, take a wrong turn on
39:36
purpose and see where it leads. Oh I like that.
39:38
Even that will give you something worth talking about.
39:41
That's. Cool.
39:41
OK, Bye everybody. Bye.
39:44
So the last time I took a wrong turn it was a dead end.
39:46
Was there a doughnut?