Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: MallerPalooza 2026 Preview!

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The Fifth Hour: MallerPalooza 2026 Preview! · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kabooms.
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Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
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Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
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Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
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Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
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Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
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Speaker 1: Wow.
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Speaker 2: It's a clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special.
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Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in the.
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Speaker 1: Air eywhere the Fifth Hour with me Ben malor Happy
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Speaker 1: Saturday to you. It is the eleventh day of July.
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Speaker 1: There are one hundred and seventy three days ago. We
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Speaker 1: were recording this early on Saturday. It is the twenty
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Speaker 1: eighth week of the year. We have a poalooser preview
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Speaker 1: that is a global exclusive. We'll get to that in
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Speaker 1: a couple of minutes. Also the idiom of the week,
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Speaker 1: if we have time for that. And today is the
1:01
Speaker 1: eleventh of July, as mentioned, which means there are some
1:06
Speaker 1: dope holidays. It is Cheer Up the Lonely Day. And
1:09
Speaker 1: I attempted to find a fun fact about Cheering up
1:12
Speaker 1: the Lonely Day, and the only thing I could find
1:14
Speaker 1: is that the most famous song there are two songs
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Speaker 1: that are famous about lonely. The most famous is a
1:20
Speaker 1: Roy Orbison song Only the Lonely from nineteen sixty. Now,
1:25
Speaker 1: a couple years later there was a guy named Bobby
1:27
Speaker 1: Vinton who came out with mister Lonely, and that was
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Speaker 1: in nineteen sixty two. So those are my fun facts
1:34
Speaker 1: about cheer up the Lonely Day. We have make your
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Speaker 1: own Sunday Day. Now, this one I love. This is
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Speaker 1: one of those that I will use down the line.
1:45
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how I'm going to use it, but
1:46
Speaker 1: I will use it down the line. So did you
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Speaker 1: know the roots of the ice cream Sunday go back
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Speaker 1: to the eighteen hundreds and blue laws that were in
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Speaker 1: America back in the day the eighteen hundreds, and they
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Speaker 1: said many places said stores could not sell booze, they
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Speaker 1: couldn't sell alcohol related products on Sunday, the Lord's Day, right,
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Speaker 1: And among the items that could not be sold on
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Speaker 1: Sunday was soda, so well, who the hell cares well?
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Speaker 1: Soda was very popular at the time. Ice cream sodas
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Speaker 1: were even more popular, and as a result, the people
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Speaker 1: that made ice cream couldn't make any money on Sunday,
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Speaker 1: so they came up with alternatives, which eventually led to
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Speaker 1: the birth of the ice Cream Sunday. Right ice Cream Sunday,
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Speaker 1: The creation was made here. Now, the controversy is said
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Speaker 1: to be about who exactly was the first person to
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Speaker 1: come up with it. There were three different factions of
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Speaker 1: Big ice Cream Sunday that claimed they came up with
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Speaker 1: it as their own. The most famous theory is it
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Speaker 1: started in Riverside, Wisconsin. That is believed to be the
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Speaker 1: origin Patient zero in eighteen eighty one, So we're looking
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Speaker 1: at almost one hundred and fifty years ago. This guy
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Speaker 1: named Edward Berner. As I read on the dark Web,
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Speaker 1: this guy had a customer who was unable to have
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Speaker 1: his beloved ice cream soda on a Sunday because of
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Speaker 1: the Blue Laws. So this guy asked the guy, Edward Berner.
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Speaker 1: The customer said, can you put some chocolate sauce on
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Speaker 1: top of some vanilla ice creams? So you know how
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Speaker 1: much would that cost? Well, that'll cost you a nickel. Okay,
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Speaker 1: I'll pay a nickel and there we go. Then in
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Speaker 1: eighteen ninety there was a different location, different location, a
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Speaker 1: different story where somebody put chocolate sauce on ice cream
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Speaker 1: and named it tag so nn tag, which is German
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Speaker 1: for Sunday. And then also around that time, there was
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Speaker 1: a minister and a pharmacy, a buddy of his who
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Speaker 1: ran a pharmacy who created a Sunday that was an Ithaca,
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Speaker 1: New York hometown of Tom Looney. And the guy covered
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Speaker 1: the ice cream with cherry syrup candied cherries and named
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Speaker 1: it cherry Sunday. And I do like the fact that
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Speaker 1: the ice cream Sunday is spelled s u n dae
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Speaker 1: as opposed to the normal way you spell Sunday. It
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Speaker 1: is also National Blueberry Muffin Day. And is it true
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Speaker 1: that Native Americans called blueberries starberries. It's a pretty good name.
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Speaker 1: I like that. There's also a basketball player that was
4:53
Speaker 1: not very good in the NBA that had the nickname
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Speaker 1: Starberry as well. Blueberry muffins. According to the theory, the
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Speaker 1: European settlers that came over from the Old Country brought
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Speaker 1: them and a recipe for billbury muffins, and billberries were
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Speaker 1: not to be found in the New World. However, wild
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Speaker 1: blueberries native to the Americans were both plentiful and delicious,
5:24
Speaker 1: so that is the story. But the blueberry muffin thing was.
5:28
Speaker 1: It should have been the Billberry muffin, but they didn't
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Speaker 1: have any of those, So there you go. It's also
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Speaker 1: National World Population Day or Global World Population Day, which
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Speaker 1: started in nineteen eighty seven. People became interested in five
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Speaker 1: billion Day. That is when it is estimated the growth
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Speaker 1: of humanity crossed five billion, and it has increased steadily
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Speaker 1: since medieval times. Of course, remember medieval times. All those
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Speaker 1: people in their chateaus in Europe didn't know they were
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Speaker 1: living in medieval times. They were just living in the day.
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Speaker 1: They were just living in today. Core of the United
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Speaker 1: Nations Population Fund, there are an estimated eight point three
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Speaker 1: billion men, women, and children that are living amongst us
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Speaker 1: in this mortal coil here in twenty twenty six. Sometime
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Speaker 1: in the next couple of years, we will have a
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Speaker 1: new leader. Right now, China is the most populous country
6:25
Speaker 1: in the world. The way it's going China limiting. They
6:29
Speaker 1: put the restrictor plate on going to poundtown, so there's
6:33
Speaker 1: not as much baby making going on. And India they
6:38
Speaker 1: say we want the Boomshaka laka, and so India is
6:42
Speaker 1: going to surpass China as the most populous country in
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Speaker 1: the world. So that is coming up, and the world's population.
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Speaker 1: It is estimated if we're still alive, you and I
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Speaker 1: in twenty fifty that they will reach over nine billion people.
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Speaker 1: Nine billion people, So that's that's a lot. It's seven
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Speaker 1: and one hundred million more people than right now, and
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Speaker 1: over eleven billion by twenty one hundred. And I'll be
7:12
Speaker 1: gone by then, but eleven billion by twenty one hundred,
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Speaker 1: So it is World Population Day. On that note, though,
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Speaker 1: we now move into the main event. I've gotten a
7:23
Speaker 1: number of email from people recently asking what the f
7:26
Speaker 1: is going on with this mallard palooza. I don't know
7:29
Speaker 1: what that is, and so I would like to explain.
7:32
Speaker 1: I do this on a yearly basis. We normally just
7:34
Speaker 1: do the Mallipalooza postgame show on the Fifth Hour podcast. However,
7:39
Speaker 1: since I have gotten a number of people that seem
7:41
Speaker 1: genuinely confused, like they're being hornswaggled by this mallepoluza. So
7:49
Speaker 1: what is the malapalooza that you keep yapping about? You
7:52
Speaker 1: ask me, So I'm going to attempt to tell you
7:55
Speaker 1: what it is. It is madness. It is an annual
7:59
Speaker 1: rite of passage, a descent into the audio Abyss. It
8:03
Speaker 1: is a midsummer cry for help on overnight radio, disguised
8:08
Speaker 1: as a variety show, brought to you by the one
8:11
Speaker 1: and only Ben Maler Show. Now they tell me this
8:14
Speaker 1: is a tent pole event. I had a programm back
8:17
Speaker 1: there to day, but you got to have some ten
8:18
Speaker 1: pole events. Well, my old boss, Mike, this is a
8:23
Speaker 1: tent pole event a pace center. We're talking big box office,
8:29
Speaker 1: big boxes now. Personally, all right, I think it's what
8:34
Speaker 1: happens when a radio gasbag realizes the real NFL season.
8:38
Speaker 1: We're still two months away now. I know training camp
8:41
Speaker 1: is going to open in a few weeks. Who cares.
8:45
Speaker 1: All that's good for is injuries and some dope soundbites
8:48
Speaker 1: from Jerry Jones talking about her. This is the year
8:50
Speaker 1: the Cowboys and all that stuff. So the real NFL
8:54
Speaker 1: doesn't start until September, so we're in July. We got
8:57
Speaker 1: some time. We got some time to go the baseball
9:01
Speaker 1: seasons in the dog days. They got the All Star
9:04
Speaker 1: Game coming up this week in Philadelphia. There's a bit
9:07
Speaker 1: of a lull there where everyone's kind of just sweating
9:10
Speaker 1: through their polyester pants, and the programmed department at the
9:14
Speaker 1: Mighty Fox Sports radio network desperately needing to get podcasts downloads,
9:18
Speaker 1: especially from the Overnight Show, unless they don't care. I
9:21
Speaker 1: would like to entertain the building security guards before they
9:25
Speaker 1: find out what's actually happening. So they call it, and
9:27
Speaker 1: we've come up with a name. We used to call
9:29
Speaker 1: it something else, but it's the Malord Paloose at twenty
9:31
Speaker 1: twenty six. Some have said it's a cry for help.
9:35
Speaker 1: I would include myself in that. Now, if you are
9:37
Speaker 1: again new to the store, and apparently the audience continues
9:40
Speaker 1: to grow, which implies a staggering level of late night
9:43
Speaker 1: insomnia sweeping the United States, you might be wondering how
9:48
Speaker 1: on God's green Earth did we get here. So in
9:53
Speaker 1: the spring, if you're familiar with the show, we have
9:56
Speaker 1: something called the Benny Ords. Oh, the Benny Ords. Classy, elegant,
10:03
Speaker 1: at least as elegant as overnight talk radio can get.
10:07
Speaker 1: Where we celebrate the craziness, the zaniness of the overnight
10:13
Speaker 1: caller and listen. These are people that are just hidden
10:20
Speaker 1: in the shadows, right They give us entertainment from the
10:25
Speaker 1: cabs of long haul semi trucks, uber's basement apartments shared
10:31
Speaker 1: with two ferrets, and their mom. In the fall, they
10:36
Speaker 1: have something called football. As we said, that's the meat
10:40
Speaker 1: and potatoes the NFL season. Now we do have Benny
10:43
Speaker 1: Versus the Penny, which is a spin off and hasn't
10:46
Speaker 1: been on The Ben Malor Show for a few years
10:48
Speaker 1: because it was on TV and YouTube and whatnot. But
10:50
Speaker 1: that's like a real sport, like grown men, gladiators crashing
10:55
Speaker 1: into each other for money, money, money, So we don't
11:00
Speaker 1: need any kind of shtikola, as my grandfather would say,
11:04
Speaker 1: our gimmicks in the month of October or November. The
11:09
Speaker 1: pig skin pays the bills. The pig skin pays the bills,
11:14
Speaker 1: keeps the lights on. Now we're in July, and July,
11:18
Speaker 1: as you know, is a much different animal. A lot
11:20
Speaker 1: of summer vacations going on right now. Hey, I'm out
11:23
Speaker 1: and about where can I hear the show? I'm going
11:25
Speaker 1: to Orlando. Well, we're on the radio in Orlando. That's great.
11:27
Speaker 1: What station, I don't know, look it up. And July
11:31
Speaker 1: is the Sahara Desert or death Valley of the sports calendar.
11:35
Speaker 1: Now I don't believe in the whole dead zone. My
11:38
Speaker 1: buddy JT. The Brick famously came up with the term
11:41
Speaker 1: the dead zone. I think he called it this time
11:43
Speaker 1: of the year. I don't really agree with that. In
11:45
Speaker 1: the Internet age, that was the case early in my
11:48
Speaker 1: career when I got into the business and there was
11:51
Speaker 1: no interweb. Right now, at any moment, we have thousands
11:57
Speaker 1: of professional athletes that have a content machine in front
12:01
Speaker 1: of them and will give us content. It's called the
12:04
Speaker 1: social network, and so with that it's the great equalizer.
12:11
Speaker 1: There really are no slow days now. There are days
12:13
Speaker 1: where things are more fun, and there are stories that
12:15
Speaker 1: are more enjoyable to talk about and to get into.
12:19
Speaker 1: And so that is reality. That is absolute reality. However,
12:24
Speaker 1: it's not as bare as it was at one point,
12:26
Speaker 1: and it will never be that bear again. And so
12:30
Speaker 1: under the audio big top we get the malor Palooza.
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Speaker 1: Think of it like a Vaudvillian variety show from the
12:37
Speaker 1: glory days of show business. If the glory days of
12:41
Speaker 1: show business were curated by a manic, depressive carnival barker
12:48
Speaker 1: fueled by steel coffee, it's David Letterman stupid human tricks.
12:53
Speaker 1: Minus the network budget. We don't have the big budget.
12:57
Speaker 1: We can barely barely afford to clean the studio of
13:01
Speaker 1: course we don't have the professional lighting, although we do
13:04
Speaker 1: a lot of lighting now, and I don't think we
13:06
Speaker 1: have any live music in studio. The house band is
13:09
Speaker 1: not Paul Schaeffer's band to drown out the awkward silence.
13:14
Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of vaudeville. It's a little
13:17
Speaker 1: bit of David Letterman stupid human tricks. It's the Gong Show.
13:21
Speaker 1: It's by all accounts, a cavalcade of clowns. I'm surprised
13:25
Speaker 1: we haven't gotten the flying malar Maniacs. I will tell
13:29
Speaker 1: you the Malapluza twenty twenty six. It is built to
13:32
Speaker 1: a maze, assuming you are amazed by things that generally
13:37
Speaker 1: shouldn't be broadcast over a fifty thousand watt clear channel
13:42
Speaker 1: transmitter or six hundred radio stations. Now, let me be clear.
13:47
Speaker 1: The rules of engagement here if you're new to the Mallipluzer,
13:50
Speaker 1: if you've forgotten because it only happens once a year,
13:53
Speaker 1: the rules of engagement here, because sometimes you get confused.
13:56
Speaker 1: This is radio. Oh by god, he said radio. I
14:01
Speaker 1: thought you can't say the word radio. It's audio. I'm
14:04
Speaker 1: old school. I go radio. It is theater of the
14:07
Speaker 1: mind at its essence radio, and that's what I love
14:10
Speaker 1: about it. You can create these amazing, amazing visuals through words.
14:16
Speaker 1: So it's theater of the mind. It is a playground
14:19
Speaker 1: of and for the mindless, unless it's not. And usually,
14:24
Speaker 1: let's be perfectly transparent here, we are completely mindless, whether
14:30
Speaker 1: it's hollering James talking about showering once every other day
14:34
Speaker 1: and bowel movements or something other ridiculous about who wants
14:39
Speaker 1: to sleep with all that stuff. Therefore, certain artistic disciplines
14:43
Speaker 1: are strictly forbidden. So for the maletpalooza, let's talk dancing.
14:49
Speaker 1: You could be out there shaking your hips like Shakira.
14:52
Speaker 1: You could have the rhythm of a young Gene Kelly.
14:56
Speaker 1: You could be doing the tango, the fox trot, or
14:59
Speaker 1: some avant garde interpretive peace about the geopolitical climate of
15:04
Speaker 1: Western Europe. So you know what that sounds like on
15:07
Speaker 1: a six hundred affiliate terrestrial radio network at three in
15:10
Speaker 1: the morning, it sounds like heavy breathing and squeaky sneakers.
15:15
Speaker 1: It's dead air, mom man, it's dead air. Same goes
15:18
Speaker 1: if you're a contortionist, if you want to twist yourself
15:21
Speaker 1: into becoming a human pretzel mazel tov. That is wonderful
15:27
Speaker 1: that you can do that, and it's great for you
15:31
Speaker 1: and your chiropractor. But but unless your joints make very
15:39
Speaker 1: loud noises, very loud noises, rhythmic popping sounds that can
15:45
Speaker 1: be set to a baseline, I'm telling you right now,
15:49
Speaker 1: it does not translate to our format. It's useless to
15:53
Speaker 1: us find a TV show. It's useless for us our
15:56
Speaker 1: a YouTube show. So that's the that's the deal here.
16:00
Speaker 1: What does work for us is your proprietary blend the
16:06
Speaker 1: high art of the late night airways. Be creative, make
16:11
Speaker 1: it your own stand out, all right, come on, I
16:15
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't need to go full doctor Seussnya.
16:17
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying now, First and foremost, we
16:20
Speaker 1: love the song parodies. This is really the bread and
16:23
Speaker 1: butter of what we do, the changing of lyrics to
16:27
Speaker 1: make it unique. It's the highest form of audio flattery,
16:32
Speaker 1: or at least the highest form of copyright infringement we
16:34
Speaker 1: can get away with. Before the legal department wakes up
16:37
Speaker 1: sometime around nine am, think of the iconic weird Al Yankovich,
16:43
Speaker 1: still going, still performing The Master, the Goat, the gold standard.
16:47
Speaker 1: The man took the knacks my Sharona back in the
16:51
Speaker 1: day and gave the world my Bologna, my bologne. He
16:56
Speaker 1: took Queen's Majestic Stadium Shaking in Anthon, which got played
17:00
Speaker 1: for fifty years. Another one bites the dust and thought, no, no, no,
17:05
Speaker 1: no no. What this needs is a city transit bus.
17:09
Speaker 1: Another one rides the bus. Another one rides the bus.
17:13
Speaker 1: He took Michael Jackson, the king of pop song beat
17:17
Speaker 1: or beat It, rather beat It, a song that featured
17:21
Speaker 1: Eddie Van Halen doing a guitar solo for crying out loud,
17:25
Speaker 1: and weird Al turned that into an anthem for overeating
17:30
Speaker 1: called eat It. And how about Madonna's Like a Virgin
17:36
Speaker 1: became Like a Surgeon? Now my personal favorite, because I
17:39
Speaker 1: know you're very concerned, You're very worried. Well, what is
17:42
Speaker 1: malar like? My personal favorite. The absolute pinnacle of weird
17:46
Speaker 1: Al Yankovic's music library. When rapper Koolio came up with
17:52
Speaker 1: Gangster's Paradise, which is still played, he gets some play.
17:55
Speaker 1: People love the song. All these years later, weird Al
17:59
Speaker 1: morphed that in to Amish Paradise. When you can rhyme
18:04
Speaker 1: churning butter with pity the fool. You have achieved artistic immortality,
18:10
Speaker 1: and that is weird, al Yankee Vish. Now do I
18:13
Speaker 1: expect you to do that? No? I don't. However, I
18:16
Speaker 1: just want to hear the fun and the frivolity, the
18:21
Speaker 1: skullduggery that you can come up with. And that's what
18:23
Speaker 1: we're looking for. We want you to take something beautiful
18:27
Speaker 1: and make it bizarre, weird, that's what we want. It's fun.
18:32
Speaker 1: We've had comedy in the past. Last year, we had
18:35
Speaker 1: a kid caller the last couple of years, Bennett the
18:37
Speaker 1: comedian he hasn't called a long time, and his younger sister.
18:40
Speaker 1: They were great. They were great. They brought the youth,
18:44
Speaker 1: they brought the energy. But let's be perfectly honest. We
18:50
Speaker 1: can talk about this on the podcast. Podcast does very well,
18:53
Speaker 1: does not do as well as the radio show. So
18:57
Speaker 1: each of us, right, you and I side side, know
19:01
Speaker 1: that stand up comedy is very risky on the radio.
19:05
Speaker 1: It's risky business. It is a tightrope walk over a
19:09
Speaker 1: canyon of silence. It's like doing stand up with some
19:15
Speaker 1: Buddhist monks who are taking a vow of silence. Well,
19:17
Speaker 1: You're not gonna get a lot of laughs. There is
19:20
Speaker 1: no live audience, there's no laugh track. You are standing
19:24
Speaker 1: on an island, sweating into a microphone telling a joke
19:28
Speaker 1: about I don't know, airline food or suntanlocean, waiting to
19:32
Speaker 1: see if one of the people on the show, whether
19:36
Speaker 1: it's me, Ben or the Rain or Coop or third
19:40
Speaker 1: or fourth man in the studio, whoever's in the control room,
19:43
Speaker 1: is laughing or just coughing up a piece of a
19:46
Speaker 1: bagel they had a few hours ago. It's terrifying. It's neurotic.
19:52
Speaker 1: I don't know why people do it, but they still
19:53
Speaker 1: want to do it. I get hives just thinking about it.
19:57
Speaker 1: So no, it's the unique acts that really get me.
20:01
Speaker 1: The bizarre, as I said, the utterly pointless talents that
20:04
Speaker 1: have no business existing in polite society, yet thrive in
20:10
Speaker 1: the dark corners of the AM slash FM radio dial.
20:15
Speaker 1: Now take to one. I often reference the Boston Burper,
20:18
Speaker 1: one of my absolute favorites. I've been doing this job
20:21
Speaker 1: a long time. I love the Boston Burper. The name,
20:25
Speaker 1: the shtick. A man who has over the years disciplined
20:29
Speaker 1: his digestive track based on some soda and some other things.
20:32
Speaker 1: He eats beans to point where he becomes this woodwind instrument.
20:39
Speaker 1: He's not just a human being. It's like a transformer.
20:43
Speaker 1: And then we had a guy thinking from Iowa, Kansas,
20:47
Speaker 1: one of those farming states, who could sing while perfectly
20:51
Speaker 1: mimicking a pig squealing. That's not just talent. That is
20:56
Speaker 1: a lifestyle choice. Okay, that's something you practice in the
21:01
Speaker 1: barn while your family wonders where they went wrong. Okay,
21:06
Speaker 1: And if you have to, if you have an utterly
21:09
Speaker 1: pointless talent that translates to audio, we want you. We
21:15
Speaker 1: want you. The Malard Palooza is your Ellis Island, right.
21:20
Speaker 1: We want your tired, your poor, your huddle masses who
21:23
Speaker 1: can make music by snapping their fingers, popping their cheeks,
21:27
Speaker 1: twisting their nose around, slapping their stomachs to a distinct beat.
21:32
Speaker 1: That's what we want. And then of course the pitch
21:37
Speaker 1: came across well people have said, well, what's the next
21:40
Speaker 1: level that can really pass over the rubicon on Western civilization?
21:47
Speaker 1: Can we get a guy to fart Ben Mahller with
21:50
Speaker 1: his ass cheeks. If you can do it, I'm in.
21:54
Speaker 1: If you can do it, I'm in Sign me up
21:55
Speaker 1: for that, put me in coach, I'm ready to pay.
21:57
Speaker 1: Put that on the marquee. We'll get amazing downloads on that.
22:01
Speaker 1: If a man has achieved that level of muscular control,
22:05
Speaker 1: that level of anatomical dedication, he deserves the biggest stage
22:10
Speaker 1: we can give him overnight talk radio and the mallet palues.
22:13
Speaker 1: He deserves six hundred plus stations death defying acts of courage. Really,
22:18
Speaker 1: that would be one one wrong move, one miscalculation in
22:22
Speaker 1: his dietary routine the night before. The entire bit goes sideways.
22:28
Speaker 1: If instead of having the normal toot, if he has
22:32
Speaker 1: let's just say, a wet one, that messes things up.
22:35
Speaker 1: That's very dangerous. It's high stakes radio. You talk about
22:39
Speaker 1: living on the edge, Living on the edge. That's it.
22:43
Speaker 1: Because my core belief, as we chat here on the
22:46
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour podcast, my core belief is the thing that
22:49
Speaker 1: keeps me going when the bald part of my head
22:54
Speaker 1: keeps growing and my right knee keeps creaking like it's haunted,
23:01
Speaker 1: is that everyone, every one of us, me, you, the
23:05
Speaker 1: people over there, the people we don't know, everyone is
23:08
Speaker 1: given some superpower in life. That's my belief. Oh, you're
23:12
Speaker 1: just full of crap malor whatever it might be. Maybe
23:14
Speaker 1: you're blessed with good looks, you're a hot woman, you know,
23:17
Speaker 1: and life's easier for you because you're hot chick, you know,
23:19
Speaker 1: or or you're a guy and you just have natural strength,
23:23
Speaker 1: something along those lines of you're a very hurry for
23:26
Speaker 1: hurry furry. It's just that most people's superpowers are completely
23:31
Speaker 1: useless in the corporate world. If you're a very tall,
23:35
Speaker 1: curvaceous woman, you can make a lot of money as
23:37
Speaker 1: a model. I guess if you're a very strong masculine man,
23:42
Speaker 1: you can make money also as a model. Or the
23:44
Speaker 1: world's just easier. You can't put can whistle two notes
23:49
Speaker 1: at once on a resume on express pros and all
23:53
Speaker 1: of a sudden get your dream job. It doesn't happen
23:56
Speaker 1: if you have any working I saw this video this
23:59
Speaker 1: week of a guy I at where was it? It
24:02
Speaker 1: was a Chick fil A and this dude was rapping
24:04
Speaker 1: bars about Chick fil A and it was pretty good, Like,
24:08
Speaker 1: but he's working on a Chick fil A. You know
24:09
Speaker 1: you're not. You know, I come on famous and that
24:12
Speaker 1: maybe he will because of this video become famous and
24:14
Speaker 1: get a record deal. I don't know. They don't generally
24:18
Speaker 1: care if you can say the alphabet backwards under extreme pressure. However,
24:24
Speaker 1: if you can do it on the mal of palooza
24:26
Speaker 1: and there is a rumor one of our acts will
24:27
Speaker 1: attempt that, that's awesome. All right here in the playground
24:33
Speaker 1: of again the mindless. If you can whistle a harmony
24:38
Speaker 1: with yourself, that's solid gold. All right, that's all good.
24:42
Speaker 1: We want the animal sounds, not just a generic dog
24:46
Speaker 1: bark or or or if we want a dog bark
24:49
Speaker 1: so convincing that the listener can guess the specific breed.
24:55
Speaker 1: Oh that was a weeder dog. Oh really, how did
24:57
Speaker 1: you know it was a weeder dog? Well, it went
24:58
Speaker 1: a little high when you want see just like that. Yeah,
25:03
Speaker 1: oh wait a minute, hold a second. That's a bulldog.
25:05
Speaker 1: But it's not an English bulldog. That's a French bulldog.
25:07
Speaker 1: We used to have a French bulldog named Louis back
25:10
Speaker 1: in the day. Right, you can name the age of
25:12
Speaker 1: the dog, whether or not the dog has anxiety. We
25:16
Speaker 1: want you beat boxing, famous sports songs, whatever that might be,
25:22
Speaker 1: or even nonsports song no, no good bye. Just do it
25:27
Speaker 1: on a diet of mountain dew and de Rito's and
25:32
Speaker 1: all that we want on the mouthed Blues. The people
25:34
Speaker 1: who can speak while inhaling, why why not? It sounds creepy,
25:40
Speaker 1: can make people's hair on their arms stand up. Give
25:45
Speaker 1: us a lightning fast tongue twister. Give us mouth trumpet
25:50
Speaker 1: solos who says no, Give us the vocal drum machine,
25:55
Speaker 1: battle Royale. Awesome. Show us your abilities, Just show us.
26:01
Speaker 1: It's nerve wracking for some. I know if you're an introvert,
26:04
Speaker 1: but that's a great thing about radio radio. Nobody can
26:06
Speaker 1: see you. It's a big stage. The podcast downloads alone
26:11
Speaker 1: for that show will set records for the entire summer,
26:15
Speaker 1: if not the entire year, depending on what kind of
26:17
Speaker 1: acts we get. Because people pass this around. It's awesome.
26:21
Speaker 1: There are men, women and children listening live in their
26:26
Speaker 1: cars obviously on the podcast. It's delayed their kitchens, security shacks,
26:31
Speaker 1: driving around in security golf carts, the mall cop and
26:35
Speaker 1: do not let the pressure get to you. Do not
26:38
Speaker 1: let the neurotic dread wash over you like it washes
26:42
Speaker 1: over me every time I look in the mirror or
26:44
Speaker 1: try to program my thermostat. What's the thing of a
26:48
Speaker 1: jig on that. You feel me on that? And who
26:52
Speaker 1: you ask will be passing judgment on this carnival of
26:56
Speaker 1: the bizarre? Who is the arbitrator of taste for the
27:00
Speaker 1: mal of Militia twenty six, twenty twenty six Malapalooza. Well
27:04
Speaker 1: we went out and spared no expense. We got a
27:08
Speaker 1: freaking legend, a freaking legend, And I'll make this announcement
27:12
Speaker 1: right now. I saved it for the fifth hour podcast.
27:14
Speaker 1: I was going to announce something this week, and I
27:16
Speaker 1: saved it for this. We didn't get some local YOKL
27:20
Speaker 1: sports radio producer dude who thinks a high level cultural
27:27
Speaker 1: experience is a two for one coupon at the olive garden. No,
27:33
Speaker 1: we got the legend himself. Drum roll please, No, we
27:38
Speaker 1: don't need a drum roll. Two words. INCA terror, Oh,
27:45
Speaker 1: the terror of it all. Now, let's look at the
27:47
Speaker 1: resume here. It is staggering, all right. This guy's lived
27:53
Speaker 1: the life. He is a legit inca Indian and a
27:56
Speaker 1: native of Peru. Like they're close to the moon up
28:00
Speaker 1: there in Peru. He's not just a guy who thinks
28:04
Speaker 1: about music and appreciates the arts. This is a guy
28:07
Speaker 1: who tinkers on the keys. He lives that life. He
28:11
Speaker 1: is a pianist, a world renowned soloist, we are told,
28:15
Speaker 1: a recitalist, a chamber musician. This is a man who
28:19
Speaker 1: has performed throughout the United States. He's got culture though.
28:23
Speaker 1: He's performed in France, Germany, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Russia, Taiwan, Korea, Japan,
28:30
Speaker 1: Hong Kong, and of course Peru. It's like the line
28:33
Speaker 1: up for the World Cup. And I'm always blown away
28:36
Speaker 1: by the fact that he's performed Inka terror at Carnegie Hall,
28:41
Speaker 1: Famous Carnegie Hall. I've walked by carnegiea Hall many times
28:45
Speaker 1: in New York and I thought, man, that's amazing, what
28:47
Speaker 1: an amazing venue. And I know someone who's a radio
28:51
Speaker 1: friend of mine who has performed there. How amazing is
28:54
Speaker 1: that the Great Hall of the Moscow Conservatory, he's performed there.
28:59
Speaker 1: That's just sounds crazy. I mean, may it's possible. He
29:03
Speaker 1: performed in front of putin the Philharmonic Hall in Saint Petersburg, Russia.
29:07
Speaker 1: That probably goes back to before time. He has stood
29:11
Speaker 1: before the elite of European society. He has performed flawless
29:16
Speaker 1: concertos by legends legends of music. He's done it so
29:25
Speaker 1: and now he is he is helping us out. He's
29:30
Speaker 1: sitting in a I guess it's home with a pair
29:33
Speaker 1: of headphones on listening to a guy from Kenosha who
29:37
Speaker 1: howls at the moon while another guy tries to I
29:40
Speaker 1: don't know flatulate my name. This is a career arc.
29:45
Speaker 1: That is what I call varioty from the Great Hall
29:49
Speaker 1: of Moscow to the Ben Mahler Show. And if you
29:53
Speaker 1: want to know more about him, he's legit and I
29:56
Speaker 1: do recommend supporting him. And I'd love for him to
30:00
Speaker 1: sell out every concert he does in the future and
30:03
Speaker 1: have Malard Militia guys come up to him after and
30:05
Speaker 1: say hey, I heard you on the Ben Malor Show.
30:07
Speaker 1: That would warn mayheart. If I only get one person
30:10
Speaker 1: to do that, that would be great. Just one person
30:13
Speaker 1: to go up to INCA and say, man, I found
30:16
Speaker 1: you because of this dumb Ben Mahler show on this
30:18
Speaker 1: fifth hour podcast. Go to incowarrior dot com. That's I
30:23
Speaker 1: nca WA r r io r dot com incowarrior dot
30:30
Speaker 1: com for more. This man deserves the clicks he does
30:37
Speaker 1: just because of what we're going to put him through.
30:39
Speaker 1: Now he has judged this before, so it's not his
30:41
Speaker 1: first rodeo, and he may or may not have been
30:45
Speaker 1: responsible for having a classically trained pianist, not him, enter
30:50
Speaker 1: the contest from Seattle. All right, meanwhile, so how will
30:54
Speaker 1: the contestants be judged by the great inca terror me
30:58
Speaker 1: Coop and now we like the bust balls. However, we're
31:04
Speaker 1: not savages. We have I don't know, I don't want
31:07
Speaker 1: to speak for Coop and lorrain in them and Ninkotar.
31:09
Speaker 1: I have four distinct pillars of excellence. Number one entertainment,
31:15
Speaker 1: which means the wow factor. Did the act captivate the audience?
31:18
Speaker 1: Was it exciting? Was it funny? Was it suspenseful? Was
31:21
Speaker 1: it emotional? Was it memorable? Did we react to it?
31:25
Speaker 1: Did I get a lot of good feedback on the
31:26
Speaker 1: social media right or did people just stare at their
31:30
Speaker 1: audio device and think, what the hell? Was that? Quality?
31:35
Speaker 1: The skill level, the polish, the preparation, the execution. Did
31:38
Speaker 1: you actually prepare for this? Did you do some work?
31:40
Speaker 1: Did you just think, at the last minute, let me
31:42
Speaker 1: just do this right now. Did you actually practice your
31:45
Speaker 1: mouth trumpet solo? Did you decide to wing it after
31:50
Speaker 1: your fourth beer, originality, creativity, unique, this fresh ideas, unexpected twists.
31:58
Speaker 1: As we talked about, we want something unique. If you're
32:01
Speaker 1: gonna call up and do some like nineteen seventies Howard
32:05
Speaker 1: Cosell impression, then I'm just gonna walk on the four
32:11
Speaker 1: h five freeway and say that's it. I'm out see either.
32:15
Speaker 1: First of all, most people don't even know who Howard
32:17
Speaker 1: Cosell is. Give us something that stands out all right,
32:22
Speaker 1: these days they don't know who Casselle was speaking of sport.
32:25
Speaker 1: The final point would be delivery, stage, presence, confidence, timing, pacing, energy, professionalism,
32:31
Speaker 1: all that stuff. Right. Even if you are playing the
32:34
Speaker 1: spoon against your kneecap, if that's your thing, do it
32:39
Speaker 1: with the confidence of someone performing in a hamlet. Sell
32:43
Speaker 1: it right. So there is That's how it's gonna go.
32:48
Speaker 1: That's the ruling, you know. There it is. The Mala
32:51
Speaker 1: plus at twenty twenty six is coming this Wednesday into Thursday,
32:55
Speaker 1: late July fifteenth on the West coast two am on
32:58
Speaker 1: July sixteenth, that's early in the morning on the sixteenth overnight,
33:03
Speaker 1: and it is just going to be great. It's a
33:05
Speaker 1: midsummer night's dream. If the dream was caused by eating
33:08
Speaker 1: bad sushi before bed. And as the Great Pt. Barnum
33:13
Speaker 1: once said, always have a little something for everyone. And
33:17
Speaker 1: the noblest art is that of making others happy. And
33:22
Speaker 1: we're trying to make you happy, or at least we
33:26
Speaker 1: are trying to make you sure that you're not going
33:29
Speaker 1: to be sleeping that day, and that you might give
33:32
Speaker 1: us even a pity laugh. I'll take a pity laugh.
33:34
Speaker 1: So come one, come all fun for all ages. You
33:38
Speaker 1: won't believe your ears. People will stand spellbound with amazement
33:42
Speaker 1: unless they don't either that or they'll just turn the
33:45
Speaker 1: dial to an infomercial about bamboo pillows. If you buy now,
33:49
Speaker 1: you'll get a free bamboo pillows, so two for one.
33:53
Speaker 1: But we're betting on the ass cheek guy showing up.
33:57
Speaker 1: If you want to enter this, there is time. There's
34:00
Speaker 1: a few slots left. It's going quick. We're sitting here
34:03
Speaker 1: on this Saturday. There's a handful of slots left that
34:06
Speaker 1: we have if you want reach out Benmalershow at gmail
34:09
Speaker 1: dot com for that Benmalers Show at gmail dot com.
34:13
Speaker 1: So what pointless radio friendly talent are you secretly harboring
34:17
Speaker 1: that the world will either be amazed by meaning incotr
34:23
Speaker 1: or have him question his entire life's journey. Buckle up,
34:28
Speaker 1: buck a roo, Buckle up, buck a roo. Now, meanwhile,
34:33
Speaker 1: we have a little time left, so it's time now
34:35
Speaker 1: for the idiom of the week. Now, the idiom of
34:39
Speaker 1: the week is crocodile tears. Say what? The phrase crocodile
34:44
Speaker 1: tears originates from an ancient belief that crocodiles would cry
34:50
Speaker 1: while devouring a delicious meal, and it symbolizes At the time,
34:57
Speaker 1: it symbolized the insincere or hypocritic display of emotion. Now,
35:01
Speaker 1: the idea that crocodiles shed tears while eating their delicious
35:05
Speaker 1: dinner dates back to ancient Greek times and Roman times,
35:10
Speaker 1: and the historians that look back at the culture in
35:14
Speaker 1: Greek or in Greece rather, this is like fifth century
35:19
Speaker 1: before Christ and the Roman naturalists. They described the same
35:25
Speaker 1: behavior in their writings on animals, portraying crocodiles as creatures
35:29
Speaker 1: that appeared to mourn their prey while consuming it. So
35:35
Speaker 1: it obviously meant to suggest that they had genuine empathy,
35:39
Speaker 1: but they were hungry, they had an apathet, so they
35:42
Speaker 1: had et The legend persisted through the Middle Ages, and
35:47
Speaker 1: again in the Middle Ages. They just called it the Ages,
35:50
Speaker 1: and it appeared in literature in the Middle Ages. In
35:53
Speaker 1: the fourteenth century, there was a gentleman that described crocodiles
35:57
Speaker 1: weeping over their prey in a travelog. That was before
36:02
Speaker 1: they had YouTube. People still had travelogs back back then,
36:06
Speaker 1: back then, and that's how that went. There was a
36:12
Speaker 1: guy that suggested crocodiles feigned distress to lure prey. That
36:18
Speaker 1: reinforced the metaphor of deceit. The phrase began to morph
36:23
Speaker 1: a little bit, meaning insincere. That was in the sixteenth century.
36:28
Speaker 1: In fifteen sixty three, it was used to describe counterfeit humility.
36:33
Speaker 1: I begin to fear lest is humanity be the counterfeit
36:38
Speaker 1: humility and the tears crocodile's tears. All right, Shakespeare, Yeah,
36:44
Speaker 1: he's entered the chat. Shakespeare further popularized the expression in
36:49
Speaker 1: Othello Henry five or Henry six part two and Anthony
36:57
Speaker 1: and Cleopatra I believe as well. So Shakespeare was really
37:03
Speaker 1: good similar names, though not that Henry Henry six part two?
37:08
Speaker 1: What is that? Obviously, Today crocodile tears refer to fake
37:13
Speaker 1: or exaggerated displays of grief or sympathy, often used to
37:18
Speaker 1: manipulate to others, and the term is also inspired inspired
37:25
Speaker 1: the medical condition I'm gonna butcher this b O G
37:29
Speaker 1: O R A D. Bogorad's syndrome or crocodile teers syndrome.
37:34
Speaker 1: This is apparently a thing where people involuntarily shed tears
37:38
Speaker 1: while eating because there's a nerve that is wired the
37:43
Speaker 1: wrong way. The dew Hickey's not working properly, and that
37:47
Speaker 1: echoes the ancient legend. So there you go. Just to
37:51
Speaker 1: put the ball on this. The phrase, of course, goes
37:53
Speaker 1: back to ancient times and observations, and then literally it
37:59
Speaker 1: was promoted by Shakespeare and others, and it has evolved
38:02
Speaker 1: and it's still used today as a metaphor for being insincere.
38:07
Speaker 1: On that note, we are gonna leave the audio dojo.
38:12
Speaker 1: I got things to do. It is Saturday, and we
38:14
Speaker 1: will have tomorrow Tomorrow the mail bag still sometime. If
38:19
Speaker 1: you want to get a question in for the mailbag,
38:21
Speaker 1: send it care of Ben Mahler. Oh No, fifth Hour,
38:25
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour, I screwed up. Give me the wrong email.
38:28
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Real fifth Hour
38:31
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. And if you want credit, name
38:34
Speaker 1: and city, name and city. I did check the email bag.
38:36
Speaker 1: We got a bunch that didn't send their name and city,
38:39
Speaker 1: which I don't get. What's the point of doing it
38:41
Speaker 1: if you don't want credit, even if you put anonymous emailer.
38:44
Speaker 1: I don't give a crap from Sheboygan. Don't matter to
38:46
Speaker 1: me anyway. Have a great day and bye bye, as
38:51
Speaker 1: Dick and Dayton would say, bye bye.