Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE
Transcript
- 0:00Karen Kenney: It's the Karen Kenney show. Hey you guys.
- 0:04Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm so excited to be here
- 0:07today, and today I have, like, visual help, helping aids. Just,
- 0:15just buckle, buckle up for safety. I'm going to tell you a
- 0:19little story. I got some visual aids, and hopefully I'm going to
- 0:22share something today that is helpful to you and that you can
- 0:26apply to your life right away. That's one of the things about
- 0:29this show, is besides just trying to spread a little more
- 0:32love in the world, I'm also trying to either, I always say I
- 0:36want to either educate or elevate or enlighten or
- 0:39entertain, create some sort of emotional connection. You know,
- 0:44everybody's got shit to do. Nobody wants to waste their
- 0:46time. So if you're tuning in, I want to make it worth your
- 0:49while. So we're just going to start off just by diving into
- 0:52the title of this sucker, which is, you can't get there from
- 0:56here. So recently, I was down in Lawrence mass, which is my
- 1:02hometown. It's where I grew up, lawtown and and it was snowing
- 1:08out. It was just like a shit show. There was like so much
- 1:11snow everywhere. And if you've ever driven in, like a small,
- 1:15little city or whatever, and there's a lot of snow, and the
- 1:19snow banks get all pushed up, and there's nowhere to park or
- 1:22whatever. So I was driving, it was dark, I was in a little bit
- 1:26of a rush, and I was trying to get to a certain place, okay?
- 1:31And as I was driving, all of a sudden, I looked and I was like,
- 1:35Oh yeah, that's the street I want to take. And what I had
- 1:39forgotten, because I hadn't driven on this road in a really
- 1:42long time in, like, because, like, I'm talking like probably
- 1:4635 years, if not more, is that there were two streets right
- 1:50after each other that have the similar name. One is like
- 1:54reservoir terrace, the next one is like reservoir road, or
- 1:59whatever, and I banged the left, unfortunately, onto reservoir
- 2:03terrace, which was a dead end street. It's a tiny little
- 2:07street I just saw when I was driving reservoir, and I like
- 2:12whipped in there. And, of course, all right, so imagine
- 2:15all the snow, all the houses are like, like duplexes and triple
- 2:20deck is and there's barely any driveways. There's no place to
- 2:24turn around, and it's a dead end street, so I'm going down, and
- 2:28I'm lined on each side by cars, okay? And then in front of me is
- 2:35a car coming towards me. When I realized this is a dead end and
- 2:39I also realize I have no place to back up. And I'm like, oh my
- 2:43god, I'm gonna have to, like, throw my arm over the back of
- 2:47the seat, you know, over the passenger seat, and, like, back
- 2:51up, like, in the dock, in the snow while there's a lot of
- 2:55traffic coming up April Street. I was like, Oh my God, thank you
- 3:00baby Jesus at the very end, because I was like, I'm gonna
- 3:03have to back out into this busy intersection. I don't know how
- 3:06I'm gonna do this, but fortunately, right there was a
- 3:10driveway I could like, you know, back up into and then the guy in
- 3:13the truck could go right past me. But one of the things I
- 3:17realized, and that I heard in my head, is that I knew where I was
- 3:20trying to get to, but I could not get there from here because
- 3:26it was a dead end street, and I had gone down the wrong road.
- 3:30And it made me think of this old kind of like story, like, and
- 3:34it's, I don't know why, it's always usually given like an old
- 3:38main farmer, like some farmer from Maine, and there's a couple
- 3:42like, driving out, you know, in the, you know, in the land or
- 3:46whatever, and they're driving, and they stop and out, they see
- 3:49this guy, and they on his tractor or whatever, and they
- 3:52stop and ask him for directions. And they're like, Hey, we're
- 3:54trying to get to so and so. And he's like, I Yeah, but you can't
- 3:58get there from here. That's how it is sometimes, and I want to
- 4:05apply this to our everyday lives. And here's the thing, we
- 4:11often want things, whether it's actually physical things,
- 4:16whether it's internal things. And we'll get more specific in a
- 4:19moment, right? We often want new things, better things, different
- 4:23things, whatever it is. And the problem that most people have is
- 4:30that they're trying to get there, but they cannot get there
- 4:36from here, from where they're coming from, what they're doing,
- 4:41what they're thinking, right? And one of the things is, is
- 4:44that they aren't willing yet. And I always like to say yet,
- 4:49because I believe in the power of the capacity for change, is
- 4:53that we have to be willing to let go of what's familiar. We
- 5:00have to be willing to let go of the here to get to there, and
- 5:06you can't hold on to the familiar, the known, the
- 5:10pattern, the habit, the way that you've been thinking and doing
- 5:14and speaking and behaving. And expect to get the new different
- 5:19better thing, the new different, better experience or feeling or
- 5:24outcome or relationship or whatever it is, we're not going
- 5:28to be able to get there from here if we insist on holding on
- 5:35to the way we've always done things, the way we've always
- 5:39thought, the way we've always believed the stories we insist
- 5:42on telling about ourselves, our own capacity, and others, the
- 5:47world, etc. And the challenge is, is that the brain right?
- 5:53Just the chemistry of the brain. The brain likes the familiar.
- 5:57That's how it finds safety. And the nervous system is always
- 6:01seeking safety. So if you have a brain that likes what's
- 6:05familiar, that's how it learns. That's how it kind of imprints
- 6:08on everything around it's always in comparison and using what
- 6:12we've already experienced, what we already think, what we
- 6:14already know, believe in the stories we tell, the identity
- 6:17that we have. And it's like going into the new that's why
- 6:21people are like, you know, their comfort zones, they often don't
- 6:25like to leave them, because even though there might be a better
- 6:29opportunity, a better relationship, a better
- 6:31situation, a better feeling, a better outcome, over there, they
- 6:36cannot get there from here. So we have to be willing. And so
- 6:42this is where, like, the little visual comes in. I did this
- 6:44little drawing, and my sweetie and I were talking about this
- 6:46the other day, and he was demonstrating this. It's so fun.
- 6:50This is a little drawing of my sweetie. So those of you who are
- 6:55listening and not watching, I'm going to describe what's on this
- 7:00piece of paper that I drew, I used to love to draw stick men.
- 7:03This is a whole that's a whole other story, and we're back. So
- 7:06I used to love to draw stick men to do things. Okay, so I'm going
- 7:09to show you there's a little stick man, and he has his arms
- 7:13reached out in two different directions. Okay, now his left
- 7:16arm, and if you're watching this, the left hand is the one
- 7:19with the red arrows right, and with his left hand, he's holding
- 7:23on to these old things, right? And it's old thoughts, old
- 7:28patterns, old beliefs, old stories, old behaviors and an
- 7:31old identity. And he's holding on to it tight. He's got a good
- 7:36grip on it. But in his right hand, his right hand is
- 7:40reaching, and it's like trying to reach across the divide. And
- 7:44on the right side, I just drew some symbols that might, you
- 7:47know, just symbolize some things that a person might want. They
- 7:50might want more time, they might want more love or a better
- 7:54relationship. They might want this little happy face. So
- 7:57there's like a little clock for time. There's a hat for love,
- 8:00relationship, whatever. There's a little smiley face for more
- 8:06happiness, right? Then there's a money sign. Maybe somebody wants
- 8:10more money or more savings or more income or whatever. And
- 8:14then there's, there's a peace symbol. Maybe somebody wants
- 8:17more inner peace, or wants more compassion, or whatever it might
- 8:22be, right? I also almost drew a muscle like, maybe somebody
- 8:25wants more health or fitness or whatever it is. But, you know,
- 8:29there's a gazillion things I could have drawn here. But the
- 8:32point of this little visual is, I want you to think about it.
- 8:36This person is so like insisting on holding on. I'm tapping it
- 8:40over here. They're so insisting on holding on to these old ways,
- 8:44this old thinking, this old behavior, this old way of being
- 8:47and believing. And they're saying, right? They'll say like,
- 8:52Oh, but I can't reach it, I can't have it, I can't be it, I
- 8:56can't do it right? And I'm like, You're right. You can't. You
- 9:02can't do it, not if you're insisting on also holding on to
- 9:05these old things, these familiar things, these former things,
- 9:09these former versions of you, these former ways of thinking
- 9:12and being. And a lot of times, what people really want, and my
- 9:16sweetie and I talk about this all the time is they want the
- 9:20new thing without letting go of the old thing. They want
- 9:24outcomes without doing the work of change. They want
- 9:28transformation without
- 9:30actually doing the things that they need to do, thinking, the
- 9:34things they need to think, becoming the person they need to
- 9:37become. Everybody wants change, but most people don't want to
- 9:42change, and so we just want to be able to keep doing the same
- 9:47old bullshit, but have a different outcome, but you
- 9:50cannot get there from here. We have to be willing. We have to
- 9:56be willing to let go of those old ways. Ways of being. We have
- 10:01to let go of the old version of you. You gotta let go of what
- 10:06you've known and what you've done. And you know, that's that
- 10:10thing where you hear people say, Well, that's the way we've
- 10:12always done it, that's the way it's always been. That's just
- 10:14the way they are, that's just the way I am. And I'm like,
- 10:17that's fine. We can, we can say that, and we can keep things
- 10:21just as they are, but you cannot get there to that new place that
- 10:26promised land, that new outcome, that new way of feeling, that
- 10:30new relationship, more money, all those things, if you insist
- 10:34on staying here doing the same old shit. And so I kind of broke
- 10:39it down into like these two sentences that I think can be
- 10:42very helpful. People will say so at the end of this, just like
- 10:46fill in the blank, right? But the first sentence is usually
- 10:49this, I want to be the kind of person who fill in the blank,
- 10:54and the second response of the response is, well, then you have
- 10:58to stop being if you want to start to be the kind of person
- 11:02who fill in the blanks, then you have to stop being the kind of
- 11:06person who fill in the blank. I will give you an example. You
- 11:11might say, I want to be the kind of person who starts getting up
- 11:14at 5am I would say, then you have to stop being the kind of
- 11:20person who stays up until midnight, scrolling on their
- 11:23stupid phone, because you can't be both, or you can try, but
- 11:30you're going to be exhausted because you're not going to get
- 11:33enough sleep. You know what I'm saying? Or you might say, I want
- 11:36to be, I'm making these up. I want to be the kind of person
- 11:38who stops complaining so much, stops whining so much, right?
- 11:43Well, then you have to stop being the kind of person who
- 11:46appreciates what they have. You might be. Need to be the kind of
- 11:50person that practices a little more gratitude. You know, it's
- 11:54like, okay, I want to be the kind of person, because they
- 11:58always tell you, you want to have three to six months of
- 12:01savings, and in your emergency fund, in your savings, right?
- 12:05And you might say, Okay, I want to be the kind of person who has
- 12:08an emergency savings fund of like, at least three to six
- 12:11months. Okay, well, then you have to be a person who makes a
- 12:15plan or makes a budget or stops buying shit you don't really
- 12:20need. This is about becoming and this is about though baby steps.
- 12:27Because a lot of times we think, oh, I want to make this change.
- 12:29I want to have whatever it is, more health, more peace, more
- 12:33love, more money, more fill whatever it is, right, more
- 12:37success, right? I want to have more strength. I want to have
- 12:42better cardio. I want to have less high blood brain. I want to
- 12:46have better blood pressure. Or I want to lower my cholesterol.
- 12:49Yeah, you want to lower your cross cholesterol. Stop eating
- 12:51all those dead animals in the in the byproducts of animals,
- 12:54right? That's one of the fastest ways to start to change that.
- 12:59Okay, so, but it's about taking baby steps. We can't usually
- 13:03just swoop in and, like, go cold turkey and do 100% now, there
- 13:07are certain things you want to go cold turkey on right? If you
- 13:10want to be somebody who is not, let's say that you're somebody
- 13:15who has, you know, substance use, with substance abuse or
- 13:19substance overuse or whatever, with alcohol or whatever, yeah,
- 13:23those situations going cold turkey might be really, really
- 13:25smart, but with personality and just patterns and ways of
- 13:29thinking and believing, right? Sometimes we just might want to
- 13:33start or going to the gym or saving more money, right? It's
- 13:35not all of a sudden, like you're just gonna pull like $10,000 out
- 13:38of your ass. You might have to, like, little baby steps. You
- 13:41know what I'm saying? So it's about becoming, it's about baby
- 13:44steps, and it's also, here's the big one, becoming the kind of
- 13:50person who baby steps, like, build on those tiny little wins,
- 13:55set little goals so that you can actually accomplish them, and
- 14:01then you feel victorious, and you get like, Yes, I can do
- 14:04this. And you kind of build on your little victories and your
- 14:08successes. And then it's about being able to pause long enough
- 14:13to recognize that you're about to think, say or do the old
- 14:18pattern. That's one of the biggest things. It's all great
- 14:22and fine and dandy to say, I want a thing. I want to be the
- 14:26kind of my hair is like crazy right now. I want to be the kind
- 14:30of person who, or I want to be able to, or I want to stop, or
- 14:36stat, or whatever the thing is. But if you can't catch yourself
- 14:40in the act if you're not even aware that you're about to do
- 14:45the thing at some point, we have to be able to have the
- 14:50awareness, enough awareness to be able to pause and observe our
- 14:57thinking, our saying. In our doing or are about to do. I
- 15:04mean, ideally, if we can catch it before we even do it, before
- 15:08the words leave our mouth, before the the HO, HO gets in
- 15:11the mouth, before the whatever, the thing that you're about to
- 15:15say, think, believe, do you know that's ideal. But even if you
- 15:19can catch yourself in the act and stop yourself, pump the
- 15:23brakes, hit the pause button. That's like, really, really,
- 15:26really big. And if we can put a pause in your pattern, right,
- 15:31your patterns of behaviors, or your patterns of thinking, you
- 15:33can put a pause in your mind so that you can make a different
- 15:37choice. That's like a superpower. And so much of this
- 15:42just comes down to again, so often, you know, when I think
- 15:46about why I talk about having a DSP and a daily spiritual
- 15:51practice, why it's so important, because one of the components of
- 15:55at least the way that I talk about, in and teach and share
- 15:59about having a DSP is that some of the first steps are number
- 16:03one, like slowing down, like helping you and your nervous
- 16:08system so that you can start your your mind, your body, so
- 16:13it's like your brain, your body right, your breathing, all these
- 16:16things so that we can start To slow down, so that we can
- 16:20actually experience, like a pause. We can we can get in that
- 16:25place. So if we learn how to slow down, if we learn how to
- 16:29deepen our breath, because when we when we change our breath, we
- 16:31change our physiological state right, which also, over time,
- 16:35will help our mental state right. And this is why I'll talk
- 16:38about, like having a DSP, because learning how to slow
- 16:41down and learning how to meditate, and we often think
- 16:45that meditation is just like quieting all of my thoughts, and
- 16:49I have to silence myself, and I have to sit very still. Yeah,
- 16:53there are forms of meditation where you do sit still, where
- 16:58you do get quiet, huh? It doesn't mean all your thoughts.
- 17:01We're not trying to silence the mind. Good luck with that,
- 17:05right? We want to quiet it a little bit, turn it down, the
- 17:09volume a little bit. But the mind is going to mind. The brain
- 17:12is going to brain. It's going to do what it does, which is it
- 17:15thinks thoughts, right? Does all kinds of things. But one of the
- 17:17things it does, it thinks thoughts, right? But if we can
- 17:20start to slow things down, and we can start to get a little
- 17:24more self aware, so that there's a pause so we can choose who and
- 17:29how we want to be. Right to me, meditation and having a DSP,
- 17:33these are the things that lead to freedom and happiness. Being
- 17:37able to train your mind, train your senses, it's such a
- 17:41powerful thing, okay? And there, like I said, there's, there's
- 17:451000 ways to meditate. I have some very simple ones that I
- 17:50teach people. One of the main ones is like passage meditation,
- 17:53which was taught to me from eknashwaran, which is like
- 17:56meditation on a passage like, it's like memorizing, let's say
- 18:01the prayer of St Francis, right? Make me an instrument of thy
- 18:04peace where there is hatred, let me sow love, etc, etc, right?
- 18:08For some people, it might be the Serenity Prayer, whatever it is
- 18:11you meditate on that passage, the Buddha is said to have said,
- 18:16right, that we become what we think we become what we meditate
- 18:20on, if we want to be more more peaceful, then we meditate on
- 18:24that peacefulness, right? If we want to become more loving, not
- 18:28only do we meditate upon it, but we also practice it, right? We
- 18:31want to become more like I said, more patient, more loving, more
- 18:33kind, whatever. So passage meditation is really powerful.
- 18:38Repetition of a mantra can be very powerful, a very simple
- 18:42meditation where you're keeping your awareness on your breath.
- 18:47And you can just start with like, five minutes, 10 minutes.
- 18:49Maybe I'll do a whole little maybe I'll do a whole other
- 18:53episode on just a little quick little meditation practice, but
- 18:57learning how right to just kind of sit your ass down and again,
- 19:01I know for some people, that's sitting still, but there's
- 19:04walking meditation, there's mindfulness, right? Walking with
- 19:08being mindful, or just even throughout your day, having
- 19:11these little moments of mindfulness and connection can
- 19:14be a really big thing, okay? And we'll get into that. But so much
- 19:17of being able to change, right, is actually being aware that
- 19:23you're doing the thing that you actually don't want to be doing,
- 19:26that you're doing the the here, when
- 19:28you're trying to eventually get there. And I'm all into be here
- 19:33now, but part of being here now is recognizing, right, what
- 19:37you're doing in the here, what you're thinking, what you're
- 19:40saying what you're believing. Okay, now here's one of the
- 19:43things people will often say to me, like, but it's so hard, it's
- 19:48really hard. Like, like, being vulnerable is hard, or being
- 19:54honest sometimes is hard, or speaking my truth is hard. Or
- 19:59what? Don't fill in the blank, right? We know that when we try
- 20:02to change behaviors, we'll often say, but it's hard, and I'll
- 20:07often say, like, and this was something that you know,
- 20:10Marianne Williamson used to say at her lectures, and it always
- 20:14made me laugh. And I'm like, Yeah, as if being miserable is
- 20:17easy, as if being in that old pattern and way of being is
- 20:22easy, as if your suffering is easy, What's hard is it's not so
- 20:27much. I would say that the easier that you can let go.
- 20:33Right of the old things come back to this picture, the easier
- 20:36that you can just take your hand off the wheel, take your hand
- 20:40off it. Stop doing the old thoughts and patterns and
- 20:43beliefs and stories and behaviors and identity, right?
- 20:47The easier you can just let it go. The easier the next thing
- 20:51can come in. The easier that you just let go of the past, right?
- 20:57The previous the former. The easier it is for the new you,
- 21:01the new version, the new behavior, the new belief, to get
- 21:05wired in, to have a new experience, right? To have the
- 21:09thing that you actually want. It's not often that it's hard,
- 21:14it's that it's unfamiliar. It's new that seems scary, that's
- 21:21valid, but it's not that. It's actually usually hard. And I
- 21:25tell this story, right? So I do this exercise with people. I've
- 21:29done it when I've, when I've, you know, had speaking gigs and
- 21:32stuff in the past. I'll often bring people, or a person up on
- 21:37stage, and I do this in yoga class sometimes too, and I'll
- 21:40have them hold a yoga block, and I have them stick their arms out
- 21:44straight, straight off their shoulders, like straight off
- 21:46their body, like they're walking like a zombie, right? And or
- 21:49they're hypnotized, or whatever. You know that old, the old
- 21:53Scooby Doo hypnotized when your arms are out in front, okay? So
- 21:55their arms are out in front and between their two hands,
- 21:59probably about like, six inches, or whatever, a pot they're
- 22:02holding a thick yoga block, and I have them hold that block out
- 22:06in and they're just holding on to it, and they're squeezing.
- 22:10And I have them do this for like five minutes sometimes, but I'm
- 22:13talking to them through the whole time, right? And I'll say,
- 22:16no, no. So how is this? How's holding this? And in the
- 22:18beginning, it's not too bad, right? And then over time, their
- 22:21arms start to get tired. Their arms start to shake. Because
- 22:24I'll say, no, no, keep holding on, hold on harder. Hold on
- 22:27harder. Right? Of course, the block is symbolizing whatever
- 22:31the belief, the story, the history, the thing, the habit,
- 22:35whatever it is the addiction, whatever the thing is, you know,
- 22:38symbolizing for them, representing for them. And I'll
- 22:41say, no, no, keep holding on to it. And their arms are starting
- 22:43to shake, and their face is getting all like, ah. And I'll
- 22:47say, and after doing this for a long time, and I'll say, Okay,
- 22:50now let it go. And they finally drop it, and I'll say to them,
- 22:56how was that right? I'll say, which was harder holding on to
- 23:00the old thing or simply letting it go. And there has to be a
- 23:06certain amount of willingness, right? There's a temptation to
- 23:11hold on to the old thing, because we think we're safe
- 23:15there. We think we're safe there, because we know this,
- 23:18even if it's a hell, you're like, I know this brand of hell,
- 23:21right? We're too we're too afraid of like, an aspect of
- 23:24something new. It's what we call the there's the unsafe known,
- 23:28the thing that you know, even though it may not be good for
- 23:31you, versus the safe unknown. That thing might be safe, but
- 23:35you and your nervous system don't know it yet. Don't believe
- 23:38it yet, can't trust it yet, right? So even though the thing
- 23:41over there might be better for us, the person, or the
- 23:43situation, or whatever the job, whatever it is, might be better.
- 23:47We don't, you know, it can be a little little hard, but when you
- 23:50hold on to that visual, and you can even do it for yourself,
- 23:53just get something and stick your arms out and try to hold on
- 23:56to it and squeeze it and get tighter and tighter, like, you
- 23:58know, and then, and then, I'm like, and now drop it well,
- 24:01letting it go is actually easier, but mentally, we put all
- 24:06these attachments onto it. But remember, the easier that you
- 24:10can let go, the easier it is for the new thing, the new pattern,
- 24:13the new behavior, the new belief, whatever, the new story
- 24:17for it to come in. And it's not hard, it just requires a little
- 24:21bit more willingness, it requires a little bit more
- 24:24focus. It might require a little bit more effort, a little bit
- 24:27more commitment or consistency, a little bit more
- 24:32accountability, right? That's the thing. It's not hard. It's
- 24:38simply unfamiliar. It's simply new. And this is why I said we
- 24:43go back to the baby steps. It's about becoming, right? It's
- 24:48about practicing. It's about those baby steps, those little
- 24:51wins. And whether it's like, you know, as somebody who does Thai
- 24:54Yoga massage, right, people will say to me, Oh, I'm so tight, you
- 24:58know, so. Tight. I really need to stretch more. And I'll be
- 25:02like, well, you can, you could always just start stretching on
- 25:06your own. You could always come to one of my yoga classes. You
- 25:09could always come and get a Thai Yoga massage. But if you insist
- 25:13on just keep doing the same old shit, which is not stretching at
- 25:15all, and then you wonder, why? Oh, my hips hurt, my back hurts,
- 25:19my neck hurts, my my jaw, everything, everything's tight,
- 25:23right? My glutes are tight, my calves, everything's tight.
- 25:26Everything hurts when I stand, when I move. I'm like, Well, are
- 25:29you doing any movement? Are you doing any stretching? Are you
- 25:32doing any flexibility or mobility work? Right? When
- 25:36people like, oh, I can barely carry my grocery okay, I use
- 25:40strength training at all? Do you know what I mean? It's like,
- 25:43people might say like, oh, I want to be stronger. I want to
- 25:45be more fit. Or, you know, you hear it a lot with like, as
- 25:48folks are aging and they're getting older, and they're like,
- 25:50I have grandkids now, I can't get up off the floor. I can't
- 25:53even put my socks on without sitting down. I'm like, Okay,
- 25:57you can keep doing what you've been doing. You can keep telling
- 26:01yourself that story and look, I'm not saying people don't have
- 26:04real physical limitations. Of course, sometimes you do. You
- 26:07have an injury, you have a situation, whatever. I'm just
- 26:11saying whatever. The thing is, when you say, I want to be the
- 26:15kind of person who and you fill in that blank, saves money, goes
- 26:20back to church, starts donating more, makes more money, whatever
- 26:24your thing is, right? Then you have to stop being the kind of
- 26:28person who fill in the blank whatever the old behavior is.
- 26:32But you cannot get there from here without some shit changing.
- 26:37And whether that's the way you're thinking about it, the
- 26:39way you're perceiving it, the way you're going about it,
- 26:42right? Your willingness to stop doing the old behaviors, or to
- 26:46start doing, you know what I'm saying. So I want, I want to
- 26:50just share this to help you think about it. Because, and I'm
- 26:53holding up the picture again. I know so many people who say they
- 26:57want, I'm pointing at this, the peace symbol, the money symbol,
- 27:00the happiness, the connection, the love, the intimacy, more
- 27:04time, more patience, whatever it is they say they want it, but
- 27:08they're not willing to stop doing the other things. They're
- 27:11not willing to be a little more brave or a little more
- 27:14courageous, and not willing to be bad at something like to try
- 27:19and to make mistakes. They're not willing to fall on their
- 27:22face. They're not willing to, like, go for it and show that
- 27:24they really want something, because what if they get
- 27:26rejected, or what if the other person's not doing their part,
- 27:29or what if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, Look, all
- 27:32we can control is us and what we're doing and thinking and
- 27:35saying and believing. I can't change the rest of the world. I
- 27:39can't forcibly, like, make those things change, the way that the
- 27:42world slowly changes is enough individuals doing the work on
- 27:46themselves and with themselves right to create different
- 27:50experiences within themselves where maybe right. They're more
- 27:55happy, they're more peaceful, they have more energy, they have
- 27:58more patience. They have more compassion. Sometimes they have
- 28:01more more. They're listening better to their own internal
- 28:04rage, right? They're acknowledging and honoring their
- 28:08symptoms and their feelings. They're not trying to fix
- 28:11themselves into oblivion. They're not thinking, Oh, I'm
- 28:14fucked up, I'm screwed up, I'm broken. They just might be aware
- 28:18that there's been some things, but sometimes those things that
- 28:21we don't like about ourselves. This is a whole other episode.
- 28:25You know, people. I'll just go here. I'll take a tiny, tiny,
- 28:28tiny right detour. If you tell somebody that they shouldn't
- 28:34feel angry, they need to get rid of their anger right now. I'm
- 28:37not talking people. I'm not talking people who are going out
- 28:41into the world and inflicting harm on people or themselves.
- 28:44I'm just saying, you know, sometimes people don't like when
- 28:46women are angry. They call angry women. Sometimes women need to
- 28:50get fucking angry so that we'll stop putting up with nonsense,
- 28:54right? Sometimes that anger is theirs, because when you were a
- 28:56kid, somebody put their hands on you, and you couldn't say no,
- 28:59because you didn't have any power, because you were a little
- 29:01kid, and that anger is going to be the thing that allows you to
- 29:04now use your voice or say no or say stop, or to make a change or
- 29:09to end the relationship or to leave, or whatever the thing is.
- 29:13So we'd like to pathologize everything and label things
- 29:16good, bad, whatever. I'm not saying that all the old things
- 29:20are horrible that you need to change everything. But if
- 29:23certain things are causing you pain and suffering and they're
- 29:26getting
- 29:27in the way of you having these things over here on the right
- 29:31that you say that you want, then there has to be a willingness.
- 29:34And I'm pointing back to that hand with the red arrows that's
- 29:37holding on to the old ways. Right? You cannot get here,
- 29:43right? Or you cannot get there. I'm pointing at the new ones
- 29:46from here. By doing the same old, same old, there has to be
- 29:50some willingness to change. So I hope this has been, I don't
- 29:54know, helpful in some way, beneficial in some way. And if
- 29:58it has, share it with somebody. Share this. I. Episode with
- 30:00somebody, right? And just maybe take a few moments to get clear
- 30:05with yourself if there's some part of you that's trying to
- 30:08become if there's some part of you that wants to be a new way,
- 30:13or think a new way, you know, these are all the things that
- 30:15like we do in the nest. We talk about meditation, we talk about
- 30:19daily spiritual practice. We talk about just the whole being
- 30:22human experience, and what are some really good resources and
- 30:25tools for creating change and transformation in our life?
- 30:27Should we need it and want it? And here's the thing, when
- 30:30you're trying to make change, you want to put yourself in
- 30:33environments where change is already happening, where change
- 30:37is the normal thing. But if you want, if you want to become
- 30:41somebody who wants to become more patient, you don't go join
- 30:46in. You don't go and join the impatient people's group. You
- 30:49know what I mean when you're trying to make change? This is
- 30:51why, like, if you're trying to make change. And yes, of course,
- 30:55if you're self motivated, you can work out at home, in your
- 30:57basement, buy a whole gym, do all that stuff. But if you're
- 31:00somebody who wants to create change in your physical capacity
- 31:03and your strength, your cardio, whatever, that's why people join
- 31:06gyms. They go to the place where that new behavior is normalized.
- 31:11It's already happening. You can be influenced. You can be
- 31:14inspired, right? So if everybody that you hang out with are
- 31:19negative Nellies and you're trying to have more positivity
- 31:21and gratitude or whatever in your life, right? You might want
- 31:25to, like, find a place where that's happening. And the nest
- 31:28is one of those places where change work is going on. So I'm
- 31:33saying, and if you want to learn more about the nest or any of
- 31:36the stuff that I do, just go to Karen kenney.com right? It's so
- 31:40easy to find all the things that I'm up to, yoga and Thai Yoga,
- 31:43massage and the nest. And my hot to hot days, my hot to hot days
- 31:46are really fun. It's just like having a coach in your pocket.
- 31:49It's like three hours of coaching over Voxer, a Voice
- 31:53app. It's so easy. You don't even have to put on makeup, get
- 31:55on a call, do anything, right? You can just talk to me through
- 31:58the phone. It's so much fun. All those things are on my website
- 32:02right the nest, and coaching and Thai Yoga, massage, all that
- 32:05shit, so you can find it all there. So you guys, I love
- 32:08spending a little bit of time with you today. I hope wherever
- 32:11you are and whatever you're doing, you're having some sort
- 32:13of fun. It is. It is insane out there. It is insane out there,
- 32:16but there's always hope. We just saw this past weekend that there
- 32:19was a shit ton of people out for the no kings protests, and it
- 32:24just feels good to know that there are a lot of people out
- 32:26there that care about themselves, care about justice,
- 32:29care about what's right and what's fair, and they care about
- 32:32their fellow human beings in the environment, etc. And so that
- 32:36that was hopeful. All right. Well, thank you so much for
- 32:39tuning in. Wherever you go, wherever you go, may you leave
- 32:44the animals and the people and yourself and the planet in the
- 32:47environment better than how you found it wherever you go. May
- 32:51you and your presence and your love and your energy be a
- 32:56blessing. Bye. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show.
- 33:01I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the
- 33:05show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,
- 33:09please share it with them and help me to spread the good word
- 33:12and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my
- 33:16upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up
- 33:21and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.
- 33:26Bye. You.