Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.16 | Listening to the Nudge & Redefining Success on Your Own Terms With Amanda Marcott

Transcript

Ep.16 | Listening to the Nudge & Redefining Success on Your Own Terms With Amanda Marcott · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to the Curiously Guided Podcast, where your hosts, Shay Mariah, two intuitive business strategists exploring the intersection of entrepreneurship, spirituality, and the subconscious mind.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you're interested in exploring and learning how to integrate strategy with energetics to help you grow a profitable business in a way that feels good, then you're definitely in the right place.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so before we get into today's amazing episode with our guest Amanda Markot, we just want to take a second and say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to everybody who signed up and showed up to our very first live workshop that we held last week about planning a better year.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we literally had such a blast.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And after kind of like sitting with the workshop a little bit and just, you know, me and Shay chatting about how we felt about it, we decided that that one workshop was only going to be the beginning.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: So if you didn't get a chance to join us in that one, totally not a problem.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: We've got plenty more in the works.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Most of them are around the themes of making business easy, fun, and as profitable as possible.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: So make sure that you head over to our website and sign up for the workshop wait list to be the first to get notified about the next one and get access to pre-sale pricing.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll go ahead and leave the link to the workshop wait list in the show notes below.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so let's switch over and talk about today's episode.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: We had a lovely interview with motivational speaker and intuitive guide, Amanda Marcott.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she's just an all-around inspiring badass woman.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: She actually got into the online game the same as I did in the design world and as a graphic designer.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so her origin story I really related to of I'm sure a lot of us can.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: When you first hop into this world of entrepreneurship, it can be very easy to start working a lot and really burn yourself out and not charge enough and get taken advantage of by clients and just burn the candle at both ends.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: It I certainly had a lot that resonated as she shared her story.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so Amanda kind of takes you on a journey all the way through, going from burnt out, really having to pause and rest and reevaluate her life.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we Ryan, I actually referred to it as radical self-care when we were preparing for this episode.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Amanda's got um just a really inspiring story that was very relatable about reaching that level of burnout, what she did about it, and then how she burnt down and rebuilt a business in a way that actually felt supportive and aligned with the life that she wanted to live.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think a lot of us are running businesses based on the shoulds, what we think we should be doing.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so Amanda's story is hopefully one that will inspire us all to um, you know, when we do hit those points of overwhelm and burnout, take the time, get quiet, listen to what you need, honor your body, honor yourself, honor your life, and then give yourself the permission to really burn it down if you need to, you know, reconstruct.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the cool part about online business is there is no ceiling, there's no walls.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: We can really make what we want this to be.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: And in the new business that Amanda has built is super cool.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: We are so excited to share um more about it with you guys.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I feel like my favorite part about this conversation with Amanda was like how much fire and passion she has.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like when you listen to her story, you're just like, holy shit.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you just like get so lit up and like so enveloped in like her journey and like her emotions along the way.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like she was really good at like explaining and like allowing us to really feel into like how she was feeling and just like how much resistance there was and how much pain there was.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, she talks about some health issues that she ran into, some emotional issues, and you know, how her family life looked and how running this business, overworking, overextending, and basically neglecting self-care, how that impacted all of these different areas.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I just I really love how she was able to redefine what success, what success meant to her, and then take a step back to allow her to build a business that supported that.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I'm just gonna read Amanda's bio real quick.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: So Amanda Marcott is a former workaholic that was working 80 plus hours a week, feeling stuck in the hustle culture, thinking that it was the only way to happiness.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So after 10 years owning her own successful business as a graphic designer, her world both imploded and exploded as her career and business ended overnight and she had to pivot hard.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And after three years of doing the unthinkable, you know, just like focusing on healing herself and giving herself space, she started feeling like Harry Potter finding out that he's a wizard while on his journey.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: And she now speaks on stages and online with the hopes of empowering women to give society standards the middle finger and step fully into her own define feminine power.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let's get into this episode.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, Amanda, I am so excited to have you here today.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: And the first thing I want to ask you about, you and I have um, I think this in common.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Did you, is it true that you got your start in the online space being a designer?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I did.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: I did as well.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I um I was really attracted to that part of your story.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: Can you kind of you know give us the origin story?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: How did you start?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, I so one thing that I've learned uh over the years is divine timing, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a huge, huge thing that um when we learn to actually go with it, it's amazing where the universe will take us.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I was in my 20s, I was one of those kids that went to college because I was told to, and I hated going to college.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So um I was a dance major, you know, I mean, because why what else were you gonna waste$20,000 on?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So fast forward, and I and I decided to quit college and I um am working at a bridal store actually as a manager.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I noticed that all of her stuff was really ugly.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just started to like redesign it and I was doing it in Word.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then now, okay, now to be fair, this is back in 2007.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, like when I say she didn't have a website, it's not as big of a deal as it is now, right?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we decided that we were gonna go through the college and hire a developer.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, I didn't know the difference between a developer and a designer.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we have this guy come in and we're selling, I don't know if you know anything about wedding dresses, but we're selling like Maggie Sotero Couture, which in Idaho we were selling them for$5,000 15 years ago.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, like high-end stuff.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it looked like he was designing something for the wedding singer.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it was really, it was really, really, really awful.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I put together um what I thought was a relatively okay design.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a professional finally come in and he goes, Okay, well, I just need to talk to your designer because I need these Photoshop files.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, What are you talking about?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I designed this.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Well, okay, well, where are the Photoshop titles?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, No, no, no, I did this in Word.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And the man looked at me, he goes, If you did this in Word, I paid people$80 an hour to do this in Photoshop professionally.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm sorry, what?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it wasn't until literally that moment that I even knew that was the possibility of a career.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I was 24 years old, decided to go back to college.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And as an incoming freshman, I was winning awards for design and I was like winning all these contests and like I was getting all these clients.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually started my business before I even graduated school.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the fascinating thing is I was still very much in the hustle culture.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was still very much believing that you had to work your ass off in order to be successful.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: You had to keep going back to school.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was born with one arm.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was blessed with one arm, which means that my college was completely and totally paid for.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: They paid for my equipment, they paid for my schooling, they paid, they gave me a stipend to live off of.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I still have almost$50,000 in student loan debt because it wasn't enough.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually have three degrees in some sort of design.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I kept trying to prove myself.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: There was this worthiness thing that I had of, well, I know I was winning awards and I know that I was getting clients, but maybe it's not good enough.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I just kept pushing and kept pushing.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that was basically how my entire career went.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: When I actually ended my career three years ago, um, I was I was on paper extremely successful.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I would would have been considered one of the top designers, right?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was being headhunted by all of these agencies.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was selling websites for$10,000 a pop.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing branding packages for$10,000.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I was super successful.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I was working 80 to 100 hours a week.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my marriage was failing.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: My health was like plummeting.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was like non-existent.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even use the word health to describe myself back then.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and the the most impactful thing for me is realizing that I have no memory of my son's entire third year.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the entire year that he was three years old, I have no recollection of it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was working too hard, I was too busy, I was too overwhelmed, I was too burnt out, and I just had no concept of like how to get out of the rat race because I was still believing the bullshit.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you just work harder, if you just dig in, if you just keep going, like you will be successful.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, in in 2018, Christmas of 2018, I had donated inadvertently.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a bleeding heart and I'm trying to come at to the end of my career.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm deciding, you know what, I probably don't want to do graphic design anymore.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely don't want to own my own business anymore.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was just so tired and so done.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was working with this charity that works with children with cancer.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: So of course, bleeding heart.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh God, I will help you do anything.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um I can't, I don't think that they they hired me for the intention of using me or taking advantage, but it's definitely what happened.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: So at the end of it, I had put in 480 hours for donation, not knowing I was donating this, um, about$25,000 worth of services.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of them receiving everything, because at the time, I also didn't realize how burnt out I was.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize that I was on the verge of a mental collapse.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize that I had given myself a stroke because I was so overworked and so stressed out.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I couldn't even tell you when I had that minor stroke.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just know it happened because my my acupuncturist, who is a Chinese face reader, she saw a selfie of it of me and kind of panicked.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, I need to see the most recent.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it was way before I had stopped my business.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, You had a stroke.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So she's asking me all these questions about my stress level and about like my anxiety level.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my baseline was up here.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: My baseline was like through the roof.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I literally could not tell her what had fluctuated, what had happened.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it was simultaneously the worst and the best thing that ever happened to me.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: When they at the end of all of it, and I had built a system for them, I had built a brand for them, I had built a website for them, and I was trying to find donations to pay myself as their team member.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: They said to me, you know what?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't think this is gonna work out.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so we would really love it if you would cancel your contract so we don't ever have to pay you.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was in such a state of shock.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like at this point, my parents had come from Montana.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't seen them in three years.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get to see them that entire weekend because I wasn't even allowed the space to tap out for five days to see my parents.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have boundaries in place.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't know that it was totally okay for me to say, nothing's on fire, you're not an EMT, like we don't have another tour for three months.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stop talking to me.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think that that was okay because that's not what you do, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: The customer is always right.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And um when that happened, it was pretty much like the the universe, just to interject here, at the beginning of 2018, I had been blessed to be able to go to Thailand on a business trip.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I still don't know how I paid for it.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I still don't know how we went.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was the most amazing 10 days that I've ever experienced in my entire life.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I got this little message saying, you know, you should you should close down a strong design.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, okay, eventually I will.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I will slow it down, I guess.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: So for me to step in as their IT director and like do all of this stuff and not even realize that I was gonna end up doing it for free, I just sort of, I just sort of collapsed.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh overnight I lost the the six-month wait list that I had.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the networking group that was a major part of where my clients were coming from blacklisted me.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was just my son got evicted from evicted, is that the right word?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Possibly, from preschool, because while I was working with this charity, they were totally okay giving us grace and like making payments and stuff.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: But as soon as they got word that I was no longer working with the charity, they basically said, okay, give us$5,000 or your son can't come to school tomorrow.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: So now I have no child care, I have no source of income, I have no wait list, I have no business, I have no clients.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, and I remember going out to my porch because another thing that we do as women, especially, is we're like, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you just shove it all down and you pull yourself together, right?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you wipe your face and you fix your mascara and your lipstick, and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna keep going.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: We never allow ourselves to fully collapse, we never allow ourselves to fully feel because that's not okay, because you have to hold everything together for everybody else.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it was to the point where I was so broken and I was so I was so devastated by what had just happened to me that I had no control and I thought I had control over everything.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I went out to my balcony and I ugly cried.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I cried so hard, I literally threw up for almost three and a half hours.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then for the rest of the month, all I did was cry.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I I couldn't stop crying.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was like I joke about how would you drink too much and then you break the seal and you now you have to pee 40 million times.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was like that.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, my body can actually cry.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can have other emotions, I can feel things.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like the floodgates just sort of opened.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And looking back, in that moment, it was exhausting.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was overwhelming.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: It was like infuriating.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was feeling all of the feelings.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was raging one second and then sobbing the next second.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just sort of was in this hurricane and I didn't know where up it was, let alone where I was gonna go next.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: All I knew is that all of this stuff that I had been feeling for decades just sort of purged out of me in this waterfall.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it was one of the most amazing things that had ever happened to me because releasing all of that and purging all of that put me on this path of continuous healing for the next three years.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: So um I started doing what I call mindset Olympics, and I was taking, I was listening to all of these affirmations and all of these videos and reading all of these books and realizing that I was missing other elements.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: So then I started tapping into the magic and I started dealing with energy workers, and I started going on these energy retreats to like purge all of this excess energy.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then in my third year, it's like, oh my God, I'm for I'm missing the third element because it's mind, body, soul.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not one or the other.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when we don't work on all three of them together, then that's when we feel very fractured and very frazzled, and we can't handle stuff because we don't give ourselves permission to go out to a balcony or cry or to meditate or to take a nap in the middle of the day.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: So for a decade, I did exactly what society told me to.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: I went to college.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I went to college multiple times.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I worked really hard on my career.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I did everything that I was supposed to in the marketing world.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: I did everything I was supposed to do in the tech world.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and when I look back at pictures, I don't even recognize the person that was in photos.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea who that person was in the mirror.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: I hated everything about my life.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now fast forward, and I've been on this healing journey, and I can legitimately say that I am unbelievably happy, unbelievably happy.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's strange because you hear it and it sounds almost like a pitch like I have a best friend now, and I have a sisterhood and my amazing sex life, and I got a wonderful marriage, and I love being a mom.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: And but the thing is, it's not a pitch, it's actually my real life.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so astounding to me that it was so simple and so fucking hard at the exact same moment that that's kind of where I'm at now.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I teach women is there's not we are not one size fit all.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, look at it and put put on a pair of jeans, and I guarantee you it's not gonna fit you the same way it does me, whether we wear the same size or not.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: So the way that we are taught to design our life of this one size fits all, it's part of the reason that we're all so miserable.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's truly what I believe.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's truly what I believe.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Amen to everything.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: That was incredible.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, lifestyle design is something that's really important to Mariah and I.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about it a lot.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I do think that we're all fed this like one recipe, you know.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Go, I had a big problem.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was like go to the nine to five, sit in a cubicle all day long, get 10 vacation days a year.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like I hated that.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I should be grateful.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I should be grateful, you know.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, you're exactly right.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so I really liked what you said about success.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think that is we all just kind of accept what society tells us success is, and then we all work towards that without ever questioning, is this what success looks like for me?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I, you know, I can so resonate with a lot of your story.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: And unfortunately, in the design world, it's not uncommon for that to happen.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: Designers really are not.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I can talk to you, I can tell you a million stories of designers not really being treated well and paid for their time and encouraged to just work and work and work and lower their prices, you know, um, that need for constant certification.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I certainly had that too of like, oh, if I just get one more degree or if I take one more training, you know, it's that need to like prove.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: And that's just a hamster wheel.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: For me, I was on it as well.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I got to a point where, you know, I feel the same as you.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I can't remember my personal life.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: It almost felt like I was black out.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: And people would try to talk to me about visioning for the future.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: And the thought of growing what I had literally made me sick to my stomach.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that that story, there's so many elements of that story that are so universal, not among designers and creatives, but even in the online business space.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I can't thank you enough for sharing all that.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I want to kind of dive into this idea of success.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, how what did that look like for you?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, there was the big crumble, you know, you had the break around moment.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: What made you start questioning this idea of success and like redefining it?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: And what did that look like on a day-to-day basis, especially during those dark days?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really big fucking slap in the face, actually.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I hadn't worked since I was a manager at the bridal store back in 2007, 2020 2008, right?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was literally the last job that I had.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: So um in in 2019, uh, when everything came crashing down, of course, it was right after Christmas.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And of course it was right before my birthday because my birthday is January 7th.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: So like it was just kind of a very it it wasn't, it wasn't like in July where I had time to like think and process stuff.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: This all happened during the holidays and then it collapsed right before Christmas.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember being so not only angry, but humiliated that I couldn't pay for my son's school, that I couldn't afford Christmas for him.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, and and there's also that pressure of the consumerism, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: That especially during Christmas, like, oh my God, you have to get all of the toys.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I felt like a failure as a wife, as a mother, as a provider, as a business owner.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was not a single spot in my life that I didn't feel like an epic failure.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I told my husband, I said, I'm just, I need something so abruptly different.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because if I just stay here, I'm not gonna be okay.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I got a job at 24 hour fitness.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I applied for this job specifically is because it was night shift, which meant I didn't have to talk to anybody.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think there were four people that I talked to my entire shift every single night.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my whole job was going in at 10 o'clock at night and folding towels and checking the chlorine in the pool.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: That was literally my job.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And they said to me, you can watch videos, you can read books, you can do podcasts, just make sure the towels are folded.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, all right, I can totally do this.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And after about four weeks, I got a paycheck because you know, the first two weeks you don't get one.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: So four weeks I get a paycheck and I'm doing the math, and I'm like, are you effing kidding me?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember, I used to charge$10,000 for my services.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that my take home pay, working a$15 an hour job part-time, 20 hours a week overnight, where I just didn't, I slept during the day, made just as much money.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: If I had stayed there for the entire year, I would have had as much income as working my ass off 80 hours a week, not seeing my family, not seeing my husband, and killing myself, quite literally killing myself.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it was this punch in the face, like, what the fuck am I doing?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was, it was just this overwhelming.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I cannot make it in this way, something is so wrong.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Something is so wrong.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what I did is I was listening to people like Kyle Cease and um Erin Daughtry, and there were a couple of other, I was really drawn to the masculine energies because I up until that, up until very recently, actually, I was afraid to be feminine.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was the other thing that I was taught when in the hustle culture, if you're too girly, if you wear too much makeup, if your skin is too, if your skin is not perfect, if you are wearing clothes that are too tight, if you're showing too much cleavage, if you're too sexy, if you're too sensual, you're definitely not gonna make it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no way that you could be successful or let alone be taken seriously, right?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I suppressed all of my feminine energies.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: And when I had this realization, I did the math, I quickly quit the job.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, no, no, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna keep doing this, I'm not gonna be on this hamster wheel from any way, shape, or form.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kind of dived into nothing but self-care and healing.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was very, very, very blessed.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: I am very blessed to have a husband who was able to just kind of take front on the on the financials because truth be told, he had been paying for everything all these years anyway, because as much as I was working, I wasn't actually making any money.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't actually bringing anything home.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I had uh to add insult to injury, I had nothing to show for all of this fucking work that I had done for other people.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and then when my friend told me that I had had a stroke, I was like, I'm I'm in my 30s.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have a six-year-old son.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I like I've been with my husband for a decade.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not okay.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not some 70-year-old woman who like put in hard labor in a coal mine my entire life.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it was just this really, really profound awareness that our system is very, very broken.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew I wanted to be able to help other women.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I wanted to be able to show them there was a different way, but I also knew I can't show you the way if I've never walked through it.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent the rest of the last three years, the rest of that year specifically, like, I mean, I I didn't, I didn't say no to anything that was on my healing journey.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I said no to everything else.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: I purged relationships, I purged my house, I like purged my business, I like, I mean, I even got to the point where I sold my graphic design computer.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: And for anybody you know this, Shay, like graphic design computers$5,000 Mac with all the souped up stuff because you have to have it with all of the screens and all of the pieces.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until about six months ago that I was able to actually walk back into an office without having a panic attack.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: So isn't it isn't it so interesting that like in life in general, a just like listening to your story, I'm just getting so many visualizations of just like a how important boundaries are.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if we continue to ignore them, the pendulum swings all the way to the right.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then the only way to come back in the middle is then to swing all the way to the left.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it was literally like you were so focused in this mass masculine energy of society, of creating, of output, of like not taking any time for self-care for yourself for anything, that in order to come into balance, you had to take that time by yourself to focus on healing, to focus on self-care.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also interesting that you mentioned in Thailand, like you got this download of like, you need to sell your design business.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, LOL, like what?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, I can't, yeah, I'll do it later.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: And the universe is like, bitch, we told you.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: We gave, like, we told you what to do.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: And we set it as a whisper because the universe always comes in as a whisper at first.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're paying attention, you notice it.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so it becomes this blip on our radar where it's like, okay, subconsciously, there's something here.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm noticing this, but no, that's not the way that it works.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you just kept going, kept forcing, kept doing, kept hustling.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the universe is like, bitch, don't want to hear my whispers.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, like everything, like everything has to crumble.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: That we can get her to swing all the way to the left.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think that it's it's so interesting, time and time again, how like that's it.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: If we keep running away from balance, we cannot just go from one end right into balance.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time, we have to go all the way to the other end, experience that, integrate that.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: And after we've integrated, after we've embodied, then we are allowed to come into the middle so that we can balance both sides in a more harmonious way.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like they're like, I just relate so much to that because I think in one of the episodes I was talking about where it was like, I realized that I was so much in my masculine, running the old version of my business too, that when I started learning how to channel, I really started learning like diving into my intuitive nature and everything.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: And my mentor was like, you got to dive into your feminine.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, What the fuck does that mean?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: I went to YouTube and I was like, what is feminine energy and how to be feminine?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then I went and got my nails done because I literally didn't know what the fuck to do.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you have no idea, yeah, yeah.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: And and I I kind of joke all the time because uh growing up, I was always told that I was beautiful.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the it was the most disgusting thing that people would tell me because um I had, of course, I also had those boyfriends.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was the trophy wife, I was the object.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, and that was where a lot of my me too moments came from, is because of the way I looked.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I there was no part of me that felt safe being feminine.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start a business in this hustle culture, and you're like, Absa fucking Lutley not.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, there's no way I'm going to be overtly feminine.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um, the fascinating thing is we all have a balance of masculine and feminine in us, and we're also so taught that the feminine is weak.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, not quite actually.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, uh, one of the things that I'm working on with this new program is teaching women about the goddess and how she is both fierce and loving, both powerful in this terrifying way and also powerful in this like nurturing way.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the the divine feminine is not about getting your nails done, it's not about getting a pedicure, it's not about putting on makeup.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: For me, that is how I'm tapping into my feminine.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: I now that I'm on this other side of it, I forgot how much I love being a woman.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've got some rock star curves that are like Marilyn Monroe, worthy man.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I love wearing my wiggle dresses and like the rockabilly style and putting on all of the makeup and playing in it for the first time in a decade.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: I went and got myself purple eyeshadow, like, and this this power that is happening and it's awakening this sensuality in me too, which of course is making my marriage even better and my sexuality and my sex life even better.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it was it was all started because I realized that that hypertoxic masculine that even women like take on and absorb through this culture, it was it was what was killing me.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the the shock and the terror, the literal terror, when my friend said to me, You had a stroke, and I actually went and got it confirmed, like, oh yeah, yeah, I did.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: I can only imagine what would have happened if the universe had not given me that roundhouse kick to the face.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because at that point, I didn't have life insurance because I didn't think it was something that was important.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, shit, I didn't even really have medical insurance because I was like, Well, I will sleep when I'm dead.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: I used to say that too.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: I remember saying that and like the inside me, right?
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: And like my soul is literally like, oh God, God bless you.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I I'm I know that I've gotten to this new point in my life where yesterday, perfect example, I had so much shit to do, but I was so tired and I was zoning out on my phone and I suddenly went, What am I doing?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get anything done if I'm sleep deprived anyway.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I laid down, I took a 90-minute nap, and then I woke up and I was able to get so much done and actually feel productive.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the other side of it is this this constant need to feel productive.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, hmm, no, no, no, no, nope, I don't do that anymore.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, my office is now my balcony where I sit outside and I look at all the trees over my balcony, and I just like I just sit, literally just sit.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm allowing myself this spaciousness, that's where all of these ideas come in.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I realize, oh, I actually do have really, really huge powers.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care if anybody else believes me because I know I'm getting these messages.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know these messages are meant for other people.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know that this is something really, really profound and powerful that I need to share with the world.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that the people who are meant for me are going to find me, but that's three years in the making.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: That that is literally three years of very, very hard work because people also, I think we have this, and I think it's purposeful.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's by design.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: This thought process of if you're too feminine, you're weak.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you're too spiritual, then you're not taken seriously.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know how to run a business.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're too frou-frou, then you know you're never gonna be able to get clients.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't work all the time, and if you're not productive all the time, you're never gonna be successful.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm over here going, yeah, I've been on the other side, and I'm gonna tell you right now it's total bullshit.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's total bullshit.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like pulling the pieces together now that this idea of success is very masculine.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: And especially for me, when I started to allow myself to have space, you know, it's funny you bring that up.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: I um I really struggled.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: I knew I needed space.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: I loved the time to just stare out the window or sit on the porch.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: But then when I made time for that in my schedule and did it, I was guilty and shaming myself the whole time because I wasn't being productive how I thought I should be.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: And in reality, that is the space, like you said, where all the good stuff comes.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: And the same, I take like a siesta every afternoon.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like I know my brain's gonna shut down and I need a little, I need a little something, whether it's a walk or a nap or whatever, but I've incorporated it into my day now.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I wake up pretty moody in the morning.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I have like rituals in the morning that I do, you know.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love this.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like the more I tapped into my feminine and my intuition, that is what caused me to challenge what success looked like and really think about no, what do I value?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: What does success look like for me?
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: And and how do I make a schedule in a life that aligns with that?
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: And that was very empowering for me.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I I really think that, you know, I liked what you said about like the mind, body, and soul.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so is that um actually, so what one thing I asked Mariah before we got on this call, what was the pivot like?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so it's hard for me.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a smart person that identifies with masculine.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, you did a pretty hard pivot out of that world into the quote-unquote woo side of things, where now we're into the more mystical and we're leaning into that feminine.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm assuming that wasn't an overnight like mindset shift.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what was that?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: Did that come through these three years as well of like finding the confidence?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_02: Because for me, you know, it takes a lot of courage to stand up and be seen like that when your whole life, your identity has been built, being seen in your masculine.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, how did you build those muscles?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still building it.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the that's the thing that a lot of people, I think there's this huge misconception that when you pivot, when you change, when you adjust what is not working and trying to find out what is working for you, um, that it's just like this light switch, and you're like, all right, yes, and I am ready.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: And oh my God, no, no.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like even now, even yesterday, I the I didn't take a nap until almost 11 a.m., even though I'd woken up at seven because I felt guilty that I wasn't being productive as I wanted to be, because I had all these things that I wanted to do before 11 a.m.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: Also knowing full well that I don't schedule anything before 10.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand why humans function before 10.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand why we do anything before 10, because I'm such a night owl.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I'm still going through all of that stuff.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's really important for people to remember is yes, I'm on the other side of it, but my journey is not done.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still going through all these trials.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still getting all these lessons, I'm still healing all of these things.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like an onion like the more I heal, the more that comes up.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just going, oh my God.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I will say I do vividly remember there was this point, and I want to say it, it was in it was last year.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: So 2021, at some point, I don't know when, I had this sudden awareness, and it came after because I decided to get myself boudoir shots.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I I okay, I was a professional dancer and I was a professional cheerleader.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so my body dysmorphia is really messed up because, from a dancer perspective, if you look like Marilyn Monroe, you're the fat dancer because you don't look like an androgynous 12-year-old boy.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: From the cheerleader perspective, I was too skinny because I didn't have the really thick, powerful muscular legs and butt like cheerleaders do.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the six pack because I was a dancer.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: So my muscles were elongated.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I wasn't, I wasn't strong enough, quote unquote, for the cheerleader.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was hypersexualized by almost every single male that I encountered.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have boundaries, so I didn't know what healthy masculinity was like.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like there were all of all of these levels, right?
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I decided I wanted to get myself boudoir shots because I didn't know what I looked like.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew it was extremely important for me to see myself in the way my husband saw me, to see myself in a healthy, sexy way.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: And oh my God, I'm so thankful.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: I got myself a 36 by 24 inch fucking poster of myself.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so not kidding.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's on my wall.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, girl?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I do.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it was this huge moment because when you're staring at yourself and you have this vivid memory of the photographer taking this photo of you, and she shows you the photo while you're still in the studio, and then you get this picture of you, and every morning you wake up and you're like, that's me.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like it does something, right?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I started doing these silly affirmations because they're not, they're not the normal affirmations because those ones didn't work.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: They also felt like a program, they felt like a condition.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't like sleeping in pajamas, and I will wake up and the way the sun hits my body, and I'll go into my bathroom and the very first thing out of my mouth before I put on my glasses and I can see details and before I turn on the harsh, awful light, is I'll go, God, you are sexy.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'll go about the thing, right?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because my brain is still in theta waves.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm able to implant that that side of it.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds egotistical, narcissistic, whatever.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I'm like, I spent 38 years of my life literally hating everything about myself.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I deserve better than that.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna be with myself for the next, I don't know, 40, 50, 60, 80 years, whatever.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll live to be 150, who knows?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to, I want to actually enjoy every aspect.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't just want to enjoy the experiences.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy what my body can do.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy what my body looks like.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy the relationships I have.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy the the pleasures that I get from my body, whether it is ice cream or an amazing orgasm.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and you can't do that when you're continuously hating on yourself.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a shift at some point this last year where I realized, and this is where the goddess clan came from, is because I went, oh my God, I actually have a best friend and I have relationships in my life that are very uplifting, very supporting.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't talk to women anymore that are mean girl thought process.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every single one of them are empowering.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: Every single one of them check in with me as much as I check in with them.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband and I had this amazing marriage because we opened up communication and I started vocalizing what my needs were and what I needed from him and how to pleasure me and how to help me in the house.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I do need you to empty the dishwasher because for some reason that is heavy for me and I don't ever want to do it, right?
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of a sudden, like being able to step into my power allowed me to receive help from other people.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: It allowed me to receive love from other people.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just this like, oh my god, oh my God, what?
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's my reality now.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it was, like I said, I can't really pinpoint.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: It was just this sudden awareness of holy shit, I have been doing a lot of work.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, look at me.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of felt almost like when you're done with senioritis and you actually get your diploma, you're like, oh my God, I actually graduated.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! It was sort of that type of energy.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's still going, it's still ongoing.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the part that's really powerful for me is it wasn't a one-day thing.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like going to visit Disneyland and coming home with this really great memory.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's this continuous, steady, like this is my life now, and there's no way I'm ever going back to the other one.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's it's it's like this uh this continuous realization that it's all always here, it's all always available to us, but we can't always see it because we don't have the capacity to receive it.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like the deeper we begin learning to heal, the more space that we create on the outside with and the inside because as within so without as we begin to create that space now it's opening up to create the space for you to be able to look in the mirror and be like holy shit I'm sexy and the fact of like also holding because everything is a paradox literally this entire this entire world being a human is a paradox and it's like the the fact of that like us saying oh my God I look sexy we even have this thought process that was ingrained in us that is a program that like this could be narcissistic this could be like egotistical it's like no like facts are facts your girl looks good and like possibly for one of the very first times in your life you're looking in the mirror and you're like I love myself yes and why are we not as a society taking this more seriously instead of throwing this label on it of like no that's so far to the other end that like that's so egotistical that's so that it's like no it actually makes me a better fucking person, a better friend, a better partner, a better sister, a better literally everything if I can love myself and create the space inside myself to expand my capacity to receive.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I can actually give you a perfect example to for anybody that's listening that's like, oh I mean that all sounds great and everything but I have kids and I have a family and I have a job and I have this and I have that and all the other things.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: I got to the point where um I made I made my alone time I'm an introvert and I and one of the discoveries that I've done over the last couple of years is really learn about myself.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: Finding out I have ADHD was like mind-boggling because all of a sudden I understood why I could I could design these amazing graphics, these amazing websites and like I would have these great ideas but then to reply to an email felt like I was running a 10K every single time and I couldn't figure out what was going on.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: So being diagnosed with ADHD that helped me understand how I can actually work and not burn out and understanding that I am a true introvert and I really do need a lot of time by myself every single day just like you were saying it makes me a better mom.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me a better partner and my son who's now eight if I'm getting really cranky if I'm getting really strung out if my anxiety is really high I've now I've now learned how to communicate my needs even to my child like dude I'm in the yellow zone with that toy like my brain is not okay today.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're gonna keep playing with that I'm gonna go into the red zone and then mama's gonna get crazy and I really don't want to do that for you.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm in the red zone and I'm not aware of it where for red zone for him is like I'm I'm I'm freaking out and I'm like snapping at everybody and and I'm just like oh wow just get your jacket right like that type of thing my little boy will look at me he goes mama I love you I think you need to go outside and I'm like yes yes I do buddy and you know what he's fine he is fine watching an iPad or watching a show for an hour so I can go sit down on the balcony through a sliding glass door where he's on the other side literally not moving because I allowed him to have screen time and just exist.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden I can come back in and I'm like all right dude you want to play a you want to play a board game you want to make some cookies you want to like what do you want to do?
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be there with my child because now I'm not ready to to punch him in the throat because he's driving me crazy because I I'm just like I'm agitated that day.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's worked with literally everything.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: When I when I realize that my brain stops working and I'm on the computer I will get up and I will walk away because I'm not being efficient in the first place while I'm sitting there.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: So literally taking care of yourself taking time for yourself and figuring out what works for you in that self-care is it really is magic.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: And Shay earlier you were talking about success and it's funny because on paper I am not successful at all.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: I am like I don't have 50 million clients I'm not a bajillionier.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like and yet um people have actually called my husband and I and asked if we could have a podcast for how to have a better relationship.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: I now have this program where I am literally teaching women how to be sensual and doing what I call sensual dance.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lap dance but you don't necessarily need a partner and it's not a performance.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's how to like elevate your divine feminine within your body right to be able to to feel that sexuality that is also so suppressed that we are supposed to it's like well you can be sexy but just not like too sexy because if you're too sexy then that's causing problem why why is it causing problems for you to activate your power why does it cause problems for you to rest why does it cause problems for you to nourish yourself and to put yourself above even your children like yes when you're a mom they do take priority but not every second of every single day they do they just don't and if you have a partner guess what they are also a parent so they can take front and if you have family around awesome they can do babysitting they can help you out and if you don't have that it is fucking worth the money to hire a teenager to come in and make a mess in your house so that you can leave and go take care of whatever you need to do even if taking care of yourself is going and sitting in the car around the block and reading a book.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yep like so on paper I'm not successful yet and yet I by definition have more success in my life now than I ever did when I was in this whole hustle culture and working my ass off and literally killing myself and ruining every relationship I had to to make a buck.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yep oh I got goosebumps that's so good um I I I often try to say that to people that I'm coaching you know you see all these people bragging about you know I multiple six figure year and clients that get your next 10K project blah blah blah and I'm like you have no idea you know how much they're working you have no idea how much relationships are suffering you have no idea if personal health is suffering you have no idea if the business is even profitable.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah they could bring in that much money but it could go right back out and not in their bank account right and so I really go ahead or I yeah I just want to pop in or the privilege of support.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah yeah like you don't know if like they have a partner or a family that maybe they're really well off financially.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they've always been well off financially.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so much privilege that gets really overlooked when like if having that kind of support from the get-go allows you to grow financially.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to add that into your spiel she wow is that a tongue twister I've never said that before uh yeah well what you're saying is exactly right like you have to figure I think a lot of us spend a lot of time in shame that we're not quote unquote successful and really success can look like so many different things.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: I spent plenty of years at the beginning where like what the numbers look like on the books are not successful, but I felt more successful than I have ever felt in my life because on a nice afternoon I can go outside and I can travel and have my own schedule and have more freedom and time for me has always been like am I in control of my time?
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: Does my schedule feel spacious that is success for me.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I got really clear on that and then focused on how can I be in control of my time?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's always felt successful for me.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do like to encourage people I know that it's hard to not have the FOMO and to see especially around the new year which it is right now you're seeing all of these wins but it's like really So it's Capricorn season they're not they're not this Capricorn activating all of their energy saying all right let's go and I know because I'm a full fledged Capricorn.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you got it's like you're never getting the full story and we all know this but it comes back to put your head down, run your race, pay attention to you what makes you feel alive what gives you energy you know and how can you have more of that and and build a life around that and and shut off the comparison because that is really a killer.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: It is such a killer and I'm guilty of it too and I get swept up in it.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_02: And the funny part is you know I don't know if you had this happen but like when I had my first 10K client the question that I got asked next was like all right well what about the the next 50K client and that was so defeating for me because I was like what are you talking about?
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_02: I've had this mountain forever and now I'm at the top you're telling me there's another mountain and so I was okay good but what's next?
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's the other part I think of hustle culture is like you do reach these milestones and you do not celebrate yourself.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: There's like maybe we go out to dinner but that's about it.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe and then you're on to the next thing and it's already oh well what about 50K?
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh well what about 100K and it starts all over again.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really always going to be a journey there really is no I made it this is success and you have to like on a day-to-day basis what makes me feel successful today?
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know what could make me feel successful tomorrow and how can I have just a little bit carve a little bit of time out for that every single day.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really where the magic I think is as opposed to like these number based wins.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah well and I can tell you I I didn't even celebrate how much I have healed and how far I've come even though I've got this giant picture of me naked in the bed with boudoir shots, right?
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: I found my journal from Thailand and I found it on accident yesterday actually and I was reading through it and I sent a message to my best friend.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like holy shit like I'm gonna celebrate this.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am doing amazing because it wasn't until literally that moment that I actually could quantify how far I've come and what all I have done.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the definition of success that we are fed is the only way that you are successful is if you make six figures, if you have this giant house, if you have this awesome Ferrari, if you have like all the best clothes and you're a fashionista and whatever like my goal is to be a billionaire that looks one step above a homeless person.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I do I do not want to ever put money in places that doesn't that doesn't bring me joy.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like what would bring me joy is to have enough money where I can walk down to town hall and slap$1000 on the table and say who do I have to buy off to fix this fucking homeless problem because obviously you guys are inept.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_00: So here's money.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: If that's your problem let's do that let's fix that right um but I also know people who literally buy vans and then revamp them.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_00: So now they have a mini RV and they are traveling all over the country and they live in their car.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: And 10 years ago if you said yeah I live in my car people would have been horrified oh my God are you okay?
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yep she's making six figures but she also travels all over the world and she lives in her car with her little chihuahua.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_00: So like for her that is extremely successful.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked to people who were like I just want to live in like a witch's cottage in the middle of forest and use blueberries as currency and that will be considered successful for me.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like Yeah it would like you just doing the farm said thing right so there's also that understanding that as you learn more about who you are and what brings you joy and what lights you up and where your masculine can be powerful and healthy and help you project forward because that's what the masculine does and where is the feminine for you like my best friend hates makeup.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: She loves having naked nails and toes and she doesn't like wearing any makeup at all and she's absolutely beautiful and then I'm over here looking like Marilyn Monroe and like a pinup and that brings me joy.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: That makes me feel beautiful and for both of us we're tapped into our feminine because it's different aspects of the feminine because that's what works for us.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah this that my entire thing now is to is to help people figure out where their happiness is and a lot of people will say oh okay well if you're a leader if you're a coach if you're a blah blah blah I'm like no no no I'm Gandalf okay I'm Gandalf.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're sitting in the cave and I don't know where to go and then I say oh we got to go this way and it's like Frodo goes oh yay you know the way no it smells less foul.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm aware of the situation over here.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm being aware of myself that's how I know we're not gonna die if we go this way maybe possibly I don't know because let's let's do it this is an adventure and so it's it's not about I know better than you it's not I know more than you I've been through more than you I can definitely relate to a lot of things with a lot of people and being an Oracle and getting all these messages and these downloads from source like I know I'm just a mailman man like I have to go back and re-listen to all of my stuff too because my brain doesn't engage it's not meant to it's not for me.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and there's so many ways that you can build a life that makes you happy that has nothing to do with the way that you've been programmed to believe like none of it none of it yeah yeah it's it's creating the version of success that makes sense for you your family your desires your soul honestly because that's I mean in my belief where it all kind of comes from and it's also part of that is creating a new relationship with productivity because it's like so often when we go when we're so high into the masculine we identify with being super productive so then when we you know we go over to the feminine we naturally assume that then productivity is bad.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like we have a lot of like just built up resentment with productivity because it's like oh I was so focused on productivity that must be bad because where I was wasn't balanced.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_01: And from my experience especially lately I have really had to dissect my relationship with productivity because after being you know in the feminine after being so long in the masculine I had this this thing that like well I don't want to only focus on productivity.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was like holy shit but when I demonize productivity then I don't want to take action steps forward and how do we create forward momentum is by taking action steps.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like I really had to especially like the beginning of this year like I really had to sit and be like no productivity is not a bad thing.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: It was how I was approaching productivity and the fact that I was putting productivity above self-care.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah the thing is is that productivity comes after self-care.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_01: Productivity is the tool that we get to use to create the change and the impact that we want to make in the world.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like when you're redefining success maybe a part is also like it was for me like redefining what the fuck productivity means to you.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you said that because uh it took me three years to be able to get back on a computer.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's almost embarrassing to say yeah I have trauma response from a computer but the truth of the matter is I would sit down and I would have anxiety attacks.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would start hyperventilating I would immediately start sweating and I could feel my body just going oh my God oh my God oh my God and it was like this deadline hustle culture like all of it just like washed over me and all I had done was turn on my computer and heard that ding sound.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_01: And your nervous system was like your nervous system is like hell no hell no get me out of here.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and I actually had to go to such extremes that when I walked in and I told my husband I want to sell my Mac he just looked at me like are you sure?
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_00: Cause at this point I haven't done any real work by society standards, right?
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've been a I've done a lot of work on myself, but I haven't left my house.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_00: 2020 was a good year for me, I'll tell you what like I didn't have to lie to anybody about why I didn't want to go to something.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_00: I said yeah I've been thinking about it and I know I need to step back into this business world but I cannot do it the way in any capacity that I did before.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_00: So now I sold my computer I sold my laptop and then I got an Apple um an iPad with a pencil and with a cover and I even splurged on like Bose headphones, noise canceling headphones and I got like the paper feel cover for my iPad and the amount of stuff that I've been able to do because I'm able to stay in the flow outside on my balcony and I don't have to like shift my brain to be able to get ready and get like set up to go into the office and go back on a computer and I'm able to just get out my iPad and do a whole bunch of stuff.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm finally at this place where I can delegate.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I just hired a virtual assistant for the first time ever because I totally could have used one, but I was also so afraid to let go of control because if I don't control it, it's not going to be done correctly.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't do it then it's not going to get done period and what if it's not what if it's not up to my standard like I had all of those thoughts go through my brain at the same time and it's not it's not just a matter of shifting what is successful for you.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's shifting how to work how to be productive how to take care of yourself.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like again going back to just the feminine stuff you said Mariah that you tapped in and you went and got your nails done because you're like I don't know how to be a girl I don't know I don't know what I don't know what do I do.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: What is feminine somebody help me right right and um it's it's it's fascinating because 90% of this journey has been deprogramming my brain it has been removing myself from the matrix of well what can I put online who who gives a shit it's my account if I want to talk about woo stuff and about femininity and about sex toys that's what I'm gonna do.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm gonna talk about ADHD another day that's what I'm gonna do because that's my space and in my house like I I didn't I didn't even decorate my house because for four years I kept thinking this isn't my house it's just a rental I've lived here for four years and I am just now decorating the house so that my external world is starting to reflect my internal world and I'm doing it in a DIY because I love being crafty whereas before I thought I'd have to invest all of this money to make it look all nice and fancy and now I've got contact paper on the covers and it looks beautiful.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like so the whole it's literally deprogramming and really figuring out what works for you in every facet.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it is it's not easy.
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not it's simple but it is not easy.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the piece that people assume oh well once you figure this out like tomorrow I'm gonna be better.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not no it's gonna be a constant journey but the more you do it and the more you take those little tiny baby steps that's how you get to the other side.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_00: And just like you said Mariah it's it's a matter of looking back and saying okay that's where I was and now I need to celebrate where I am right now and allow yourself permission to celebrate and how far you've come and to like appreciate that and be proud of yourself and think of yourself as sexy.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_00: Think of yourself as beautiful think of yourself as powerful as successful like all of those elements that we are taught especially if you have a Vulva from birth we are taught to play small to be small don't take up space don't be too loud don't be too sexy don't be too quiet don't like there is a constant contradiction for every single aspect of who we are as women and I'm frankly fucking tired of it.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I was gonna say it's it's exhausting.
• 1:05:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is it is it's really exhausting.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_02: Well I love what you're saying there though because half of this is acknowledging and celebrating improvement and success because like you're saying the path is micro actions or baby steps.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know how do we feel more safe and our feminine it's by trying something and oh it's safe here You know, and then trying something else, it's all happening in small baby steps.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so the hard part about this type of growth is this is another thing about success, is the way we measure it is typically very in dollars and cents.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_02: But this type of healing work is very hard to measure that way.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_02: So when you do notice those little micro wins, like, hey, I looked at the mirror and I said something nice to myself.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_02: I remember six months ago, I couldn't think of one thing.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_02: That is a huge win.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, like when you notice those little shifts, really celebrate yourself because it's really easy to just fly right on by that.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_02: And there's magic that happens in the gratitude and the celebration because that's where the receive receiving comes from, right?
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's when I, okay, more please, you know, I can receive more.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's safe to be here.
• 1:06:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so they really like what works for you, do the baby steps and then try to celebrate, right?
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_02: Really try to stay in gratitude and notice the changes.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's super powerful.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm glad you ended us there because I was like, all right, we've been talking a lot about success, but like, how?
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_02: How do you actually do this?
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and it will look different for everybody, but the how is in the baby steps and in the celebration, no doubt.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: So tell us, you know, like the end of the story a bit, Amanda.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_02: You have this really cool club that you've started now called the Goddess Clan.
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_02: Where did that come from and like what's going on with it?
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, part of it, thank you so much.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, part of that was um spending so much time by myself and this whole journey and being able to like really tap in and go, okay, what makes me happy?
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I want to be with my life, with my partner, with my child?
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I kind of went down this path while I was doing my spiritual healing as well.
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, where's the goddess?
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where are the goddesses?
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because we hear a lot about gods, and even now, Thor and Odin and all of them, and thank you, Marvel, like they're even getting all of this, like this fame and front row seat.
• 1:08:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going, uh, where's the goddess?
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know, I know there's somebody that I can look at to say, Hey, you run the underworld and also you make flowers.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's Persephone, right?
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_00: She is a floral maiden and the queen of death.
• 1:08:21
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this dichotomy that happens in the the divine feminine that I think every woman actually has.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was sitting out there and I'm like, I need to learn about goddesses, I need people to be able to tap into their goddess because you have everything from Freya, who is this Viking goddess that I mean, let's just let's just be super blunt.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like that bitch has sex with everybody and she loves it, and she wants her body to be worshipped.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Yes, thank you.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_00: Look at me.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you're gonna love me.
• 1:08:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have Artemis, who is this this huntress that is like my best friend, just running through the forest barefoot and she shoots arrows and she hunts because that way she can feed the village.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, those are both goddesses, so it's not just this demure Venus, like, oh look at me, I'm so pretty, type of thing.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was this kind of uh snowball effect of going, okay, if I could start learning about this, if I could start teaching about this, this gives me this gives me a container to be able to give women this perspective that when you're looking at me and I've got all this makeup on and I've got all these curves, if that's not who you are, I don't want you to feel like you're not welcome because you don't look, quote unquote, like a traditional woman.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not, no, no, no, that's not how this works.
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I use the word clan because I'm tired of appropriating culture and it's the C clan, like clansmen from Celtic times, not the gross one with the other letter.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so it it sort of came to me because I realized the five pillars that I talk about the mooch, the the mooch the most is the first one is witchy shit, like all of the crystals, all of the things that are feminine, all of the things that tap in for the earth goddess and honoring the earth and honoring your spirit on this 3D plane, right?
• 1:10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then we talk about spiritual business practice because or intuitive business practices, because if you're not doing things to set yourself up so that you can be in the flow, so that you can actually operate your business where you're not constantly hustling and you're constantly on the verge of burnout, then you shouldn't have a business anyway.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you need to go, okay, I'm just gonna take a timeout, I'm gonna go get a job, I'm gonna take a break, and then I'm gonna come back and realign myself.
• 1:10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to teach people how to have healthy, intuitive business practices.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then your spiritual practice.
• 1:10:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you're reading the Bible every single day, if you're doing yoga as a religion, or if you're a full-blown earth witch, what are you doing to practice to tap into that source energy, to that soul aspect of you?
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not doing that, then you're missing a third of your entity, right?
• 1:11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fourth pillar is living life because they realize there's no way to compartmentalize, oops, that I'm a mom, that I'm a wife, that I'm that I had a fight with my my mom, that like my sister driving me crazy, that this neighbor is, you know, whatever.
• 1:11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you need to have a space where you are allowed to complain because that's the other thing from women is we're always told, oh, stop complaining.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You need to give more grace.
• 1:11:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, if I'm in a mood and I have a thought, I want to have the space to be able to purge that thought.
• 1:11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes just having a group of women or having this sisterhood where you can say, all right, I'm having a bad fucking day.
• 1:11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if anybody has space for me to just purge and bitch and complain for like 30 minutes, that would just be amazing.
• 1:12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you do that, it no longer stays in you.
• 1:12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You are able to actually fully purge it and then move on with your life and it doesn't bother you anymore.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you're able to figure out solutions to change that aspect.
• 1:12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fifth pillar is embodiment.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I talk about sensual dance.
• 1:12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not literally living in your body, it's super cool that you're a mystic and you are etherical and you talk about 5D stuff and magic and manifestation and all these woo practices.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're not in your physical 3D body, you're missing half of the equation.
• 1:12:37
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing you and helping women figure out what is embodiment for them.
• 1:12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Again, my best friend, no interest in sensual dance, but she wants to be a bodybuilder.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_00: So for her, that is embodiment.
• 1:12:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's where she feels power, that's where she feels strong.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And being able to um go outside and do yoga, doing naked yoga in your yard.
• 1:12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is that how you're getting into your physical body so that you can fully experience life?
• 1:13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_00: How does that look for you?
• 1:13:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it sort of evolved over the year with all of these elements that I was learning and all of these relationships that I was building and all these things that I was helping these other women with.
• 1:13:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kind of went, I need, I need to, I need to give people a space to be able to experience this.
• 1:13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's more than just me talking with a couple of girlfriends.
• 1:13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's still that way.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it still feels like I'm just talking with a couple of girlfriends, but now this community is very slowly building and this support system is just expanding from all of those places and seeing I have speakers that come in from all different aspects.
• 1:13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like in February, I'm gonna actually have a sex coach come in and talk about full-fledged sex, like everything that you can think of, all the questions and all the things that we were not taught about how to have really good sex, right?
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have a woman that's coming in about being um aware and and what's the word I'm looking for?
• 1:14:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to edit this one, sorry.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Present as a mother.
• 1:14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so, so again, that's full spectrum because it's not just about me.
• 1:14:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like, oh, I'm the leader, I'm the guru, I'm the one that knows all the things.
• 1:14:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, I want it to be a community where other people can show up and show off their magic to help people figure out what their path actually is.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_02: That is such a powerful container.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for creating that.
• 1:14:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's so funny.
• 1:14:36
  SPEAKER_02: One theme that has popped up in almost all of our interviews is the lack of female story and like archetype and the lack of the goddess.
• 1:14:46
  SPEAKER_02: And in every, you know, all the stories that we learned growing up to understand how the world works are very male driven.
• 1:14:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so that need for, and I think that's why a lot of women struggle is because we don't really have those examples of possibility and what it can look like.
• 1:15:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that is so powerful in embodiment.
• 1:15:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that is the struggle.
• 1:15:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was certainly the struggle for me, and that's the muscle that I'm currently working on building.
• 1:15:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I love how you've put all that together.
• 1:15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um anything else, any other questions that you have, Mariah, before we shut the episode down.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that container sounds amazing.
• 1:15:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just over here, I'm just receiving everything that you're everything that you're saying.
• 1:15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, wow.
• 1:15:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I think that this conversation was was really fucking powerful.
• 1:15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, oh, we do ask every single guest on the podcast, what's been sparking your curiosity lately?
• 1:15:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's been sparking my curiosity?
• 1:15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Myself.
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I the more I'm learning about myself, the more I want to learn about myself.
• 1:15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I know a lot of people will look at labels like, oh, now you have ADHD, so that's your identity.
• 1:16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're a Capricorn son, so now that's your identity.
• 1:16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I'm like, no, I'm literally building a guidebook on how I live, on how I operate and understanding base things like what my personality is from all of these different aspects, from whether the it's the full-fledged astrology or it's the full-fledged psychology.
• 1:16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um learning about myself in every way has been something that I can't stop being curious about.
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I love finding out more and more and more about myself because I'm like, I'm an awesome human and I have not felt like that for 98% of my life.
• 1:16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's because of this conditioning or because of this thing or whatever the case is.
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so the more curious I am to find out more about myself, the more I can proudly say, yeah, I've got a Scorpio moon.
• 1:17:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if you get on the wrong side, like just be aware of that stinger, right?
• 1:17:07
  SPEAKER_02: I have a Scorpio moon and our last guest had a Scorpio moon.
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's a weird little theme we have going on.
• 1:17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:17:17
  SPEAKER_00: But also, like, it's not just the mental aspect, it is the spiritual aspect.
• 1:17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just simply do not connect with most major religions, but I really do connect with the earth magic, with talking to the goddess, with honoring deities instead of worshiping them, with utilizing crystals and all of those elements, right?
• 1:17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And cannabis as as like plant medicine.
• 1:17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the more I find out about myself, the more I want to help other people find out about themselves because it it really is the key to everything.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_00: You, you really are the key to everything in your life.
• 1:18:00
  SPEAKER_01: My God, I love this so much.
• 1:18:01
  SPEAKER_01: I literally say all the time, like, especially just for business owners that are feeling really stuck and unmotivated, it's like you are the secret sauce.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like you are that unique factor in your business.
• 1:18:14
  SPEAKER_01: You are the human being that makes the difference.
• 1:18:18
  SPEAKER_01: You were created for a purpose, for a reason with a unique makeup.
• 1:18:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that my curiosity, especially lately, has been really similar.
• 1:18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really awesome as you continue to dive into yourself and different layers, regardless of what tool you're using.
• 1:18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like you mentioned, psychology and astrology, and it's like human design or the Enneagrams, like, regardless, it's so fun to like find and investigate these little things.
• 1:18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then I mean, personally, I become just a little obsessive.
• 1:18:51
  SPEAKER_01: I like to get in rabbit holes with them.
• 1:18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like you gather this information and then you just let it simmer.
• 1:18:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, okay, what's stuck and what didn't?
• 1:18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then it like allows you.
• 1:19:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for me personally, it allows me to better, better vocalize how I'm feeling because it's like somebody else was able to put words into like what I'm already feeling.
• 1:19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it's like, yeah, I love being curious.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Giving you that terminology so that you can express to other people because it's not just about figuring out who you are, it's being able to express who you are to other people to get your needs met.
• 1:19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I got diagnosed with ADHD, I sent my husband all of these videos, and all of a sudden, my husband has shifted some of the ways he communicates with me.
• 1:19:39
  SPEAKER_00: So he no longer says to me, What do you want for dinner?
• 1:19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's way too generalistic and that's overwhelming.
• 1:19:43
  SPEAKER_00: But he'll go, okay, do you want steak?
• 1:19:46
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want burgers?
• 1:19:47
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want tacos?
• 1:19:48
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So he'll like list through all of these things and I'll be able to make that decision without being overwhelmed by the five bajillion-de options.
• 1:19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's not just about learning who you are so that how you can operate, it's so that you are giving yourself language to teach other people how to treat you.
• 1:20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's for boundaries, whether that's for relationships, whether that's for work, like being able to tell my virtual assistant, this is how my brain works.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ever call me.
• 1:20:17
  SPEAKER_00: I will hang up on you.
• 1:20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And being okay with that because that's not how my brain processes information, right?
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's really, really, really powerful.
• 1:20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I truly believe that that is the catalyst to designing the world and the life that you actually want.
• 1:20:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not some program that you buy for$20,000 and then spend 10 days with.
• 1:20:40
  SPEAKER_00: It is a continuous, ongoing, day-by-day analyzing of where you are, where your energy is, where your mental space is, what like what's going on around you?
• 1:20:51
  SPEAKER_00: What can you rearrange in your schedule?
• 1:20:53
  SPEAKER_00: How can you take care of yourself today?
• 1:20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Some days I want to go out and I want to go get my nails done.
• 1:20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be out and about and I want to go shopping.
• 1:21:00
  SPEAKER_00: And other days, I'm like, don't talk to me.
• 1:21:02
  SPEAKER_00: I actually told my husband that on Tuesdays I need him to leave the house.
• 1:21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where you go, but Tuesdays are for me.
• 1:21:09
  SPEAKER_00: And a year ago, I would have been horrified at saying that's what I really need.
• 1:21:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now I don't feel bad at all because it helps everybody around me.
• 1:21:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's kind of like the whole reason why we created this podcast.
• 1:21:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's staying curiously guided.
• 1:21:26
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 1:21:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I love when episodes end on me being able to like connect the name of the podcast back to the entire conversation that we had.
• 1:21:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's make it making my heart very happy.
• 1:21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um okay, Amanda, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
• 1:21:45
  SPEAKER_01: We absolutely loved this conversation.
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um can you just let our listeners know where they can find and connect with you?
• 1:21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So uh on Instagram and on TikTok, I am the mystical badass because I don't believe that even woo-y stuff, I am not fluid and calm and quiet and willowy.
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very loud, I'm in your face, I swear a lot.
• 1:22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so the mystical badass.
• 1:22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you are interested in the goddess clan, it's literally thegoddessclan.com.
• 1:22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are interested in joining the community but do not want or are not quite ready for one-to-one coaching, the society is actually the Rebel Soul Sisterhood.
• 1:22:28
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go to Rebelsoul Sisterhood.com as well.
• 1:22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same thing.
• 1:22:32
  SPEAKER_00: The only difference is the goddess clan is one-to-one 24-hour access via Boxer for me.
• 1:22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
• 1:22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're definitely gonna put those links in the show notes.
• 1:22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I think we're gonna close this episode down.
• 1:22:45
  SPEAKER_01: So if you guys enjoyed this episode, feel free to share it with somebody you think would also love it.
• 1:22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or screenshot it, share it on social media.
• 1:22:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're really kind of still new in this podcast world.
• 1:22:58
  SPEAKER_01: So just a simple share literally means the world to us.
• 1:23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if you guys have any questions or feedback or anything like that, we love it when you DM us.
• 1:23:09
  SPEAKER_01: So please reach out and connect.
• 1:23:12
  SPEAKER_02: And as always, thank you so much for listening and for your support.
• 1:23:15
  SPEAKER_02: Consider subscribing to the podcast or leaving us a five star review so we can all continue to grow together.
• 1:23:22
  SPEAKER_02: And until next time, remember that you have the power to create whatever the hell you want.
• 1:23:27
  SPEAKER_02: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
• 1:23:32
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see you in the next episode.