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She Told the Truth, Our Mexican Family Wasn't Ready to Hear It. · No Más Yes Girls

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Nomas Yes Girls where we, your hosts, Vivian and Vinay, talk about our healing journeys.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take a deep breath because this episode is actually very personal.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel very emotional talking about this, more so than probably my sister.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: My sister will probably get into it, but I just I just I'm like I've been preparing myself for this episode.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's been a long time coming.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It really has been, and I'm excited that she's gonna talk about um this and close that chapter in her life.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm excited for her.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: As you guys know, we talk a lot here about growing up in a Mexican family, in a Mexican household, the love, the traditions, the things we carry, the things we're learning to question, the things we're unlearning.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But today we're going to be talking about something that can be very difficult to name inside a family.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna be talking about sexual abuse today.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Someone people trusts, someone who still gets invited to every family function.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna be honest, this happens a lot across different cultures, not just our culture, but in different cultures as well.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: But we want to talk about the messages that can that can make speaking up especially difficult in families like ours.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for instance, we grew up hearing family comes first, la familia viene primero, respect your elders, que vale decir la gente, what will people say?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um there is nothing wrong with loving your family, but we have to ask what those words mean when a child needs protection.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So before we talk about anything from the past, I do have a question for you, Vivian.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want people to understand about why you chose to have this conversation today?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Good question.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Take your time.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: Good question.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: What do I want people to understand?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: I want people to listen.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I I know that not many people understand um that we've been through it, especially in our culture.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Comments, comments that are very hurtful.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, for example, she probably liked it, she must have done something to make them want to do that to them.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's probably not true.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she probably wants something, so she's lying.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Just comments like that that are hurtful, yeah.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: They're hurtful because you know what you went through, and as a child, there's no way on earth you will know that you like that.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Or if you weren't even taught, you know, that people should respect your body, how do you know that what they're doing is wrong?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which was my case.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I would just like people to be to listen more and and you know listen more to those.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't I took the word victim out of my vocabulary.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't see myself as a victim.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: I choose now what I I want.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: And back then as a child, you know, I was a victim.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um now that's not what that's not who I choose to to be.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, it's hard.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's hard, especially when you hear those comments to to talk about.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: So that's you know, where you you just kind of stay quiet.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I would like people just you know to sit down and listen.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: If you know of somebody, be open with them, ask them, how are you feeling?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: How are you doing?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what can I help you with?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: Or just that.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So as you may know, my older sister experienced sexual abuse at a young age, and it went on until her preteens or teenage years, I want to say.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what hurts me the most.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because nobody protected you.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, um, yes, you're right.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we're eight years apart.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: When I decided um to tell an adult what was going on, was because that person and that person's wife, my or our parents, brought them to our home so that they would watch you.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: And you were five.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: So after going through what I went through and already being a teenager, um, knowing that that was wrong, I decided to tell our parents what had been going on because there was no way I was gonna let that happen to you.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: And um well, I it it it happened since I can remember.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I grew up thinking that was normal.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was never taught that that was not okay.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was never taught that that something that is wrong.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was threatened not to say anything, and it did happen um since far back as I can remember.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: Want to say like two years old.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: I've always said it's been it was for 10 years up until I was um 12 was the last time.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: And and because when I would by the time I was 12, I already felt deep down in my soul that this was not right.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was scared when prior to that it was normal because that person was so close to us that I just thought, oh, that's that person loves me.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I thought.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: It it he wasn't the only one, there was um someone else from so this was from my dad's side of the family, from my mom's side of the family.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: There was also somebody else, which again, because I had already grown up thinking that was okay.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: Then obviously, with the next uh other person, which happened only one, twice, I thought, oh, it's normal.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: So, I mean, someone else already does it to me anyway.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: And that that I think with that other person from my mom's side of the family, I um I believe that one did it.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: I was also young, I was about six, seven.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: The kid uh my dad saw that person, or a neighbor saw the person, told my dad, and you know that they fixed, but when it came to my dad's and to the family, nothing was done.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: So uh for many years I was molested, sexually molested, saw things I should not have seen, felt things I should not have felt, and done things I should not have done since I was young.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: That was the initial separation with my dad, clarifying it was not my dad, but it was somebody close to him.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: It was hard because not only was that other person supposed to also be a protector, but my dad was supposed to protect me as well, and he didn't, and so that hurt a lot being a teenager and not having my my parents because at that at that point my mom tried to well, she did, you know, there was a whole investigation.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: There was cops, mind you, I'm 40 years old.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about 30 years ago, you know, 28 years ago.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, back then it was more the I had to make a phone call to this person and get a confession for them to do something, which I did make a phone call.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: There was no confession.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: They admitted, remembered every single place and everything that happened, but because it wasn't a full-blown confession, nothing was nothing was ever done.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: I am not the only person in the family who went through it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's other people, um, we had our cousin um not that long ago, also the same person.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: So um that was a big part of my story.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: If you do not see me now crying, is because I've done the deep healing.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: I can now, I can tell you I'm completely healed, but I did go through those whole keeping everything in because for 20 years, it took 20 years for people to finally realize that I was not lying, that everything was true, and I'm talking about people or family, and that I had warned everybody and talked to everybody ahead of time, but nobody listened until other victims started coming out, which is sad.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I feel bad for them because it could have been prevented, but calladita también is más bonita because you don't want to hurt your family, and so um that made me step away from everybody, you know, step away from my whole family, and the one who has always been, I mean, not that long ago, it's called the black sheep because I don't go to parties or to their parties, I don't hang around with them, um, because that person is still around.
• 11:25
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: So there is no way.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, if I if I taught to protect my sister, why would they think I would bring my girls around them?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: There's no way.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't understand why people are still bringing their family and their little kids around them to each their own.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: But for me, that person doesn't exist.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: My kids didn't even know that that person existed until just recently, because they're they're not part of our family.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: I I took a lot from family members, I heard all the rumors.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: I had to distance myself from very close people, including that person's wife, because she had nothing to do with it, but she was I was so very close to her, and I loved her dearly, and she's no longer here.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: But unfortunately, those decisions of keeping that person around, it I was not gonna come around, and I still don't.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: So um I did I did hear a lot, I did go through a lot.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: When I got married, my husband went you know through it with me.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: There was times where I didn't want him to touch me because I would have flashbacks, and he said I would never hurt you, but I wasn't okay, even though I had a daughter at a younger age, was because you know I didn't have that father figure, you know, to protect me, and so um I was looking for that father love, that protection, and I didn't find it.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: When I met my husband, I was still, you know, hurting.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: It was a big trauma, and my body remembered, and so um he went through that with me, unfortunately, because a lot was said within the family and a lot was talked about.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Not everybody actually, nobody has ever asked me, but one person, two people, what exactly happened?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Only two people have have came from that side of the family and asked me, you know, what what is your story, what happened?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's sad because they also went through.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: So um, and this is I'm talking about recently.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: It it wasn't years ago, I'm talking about recently.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so um a lot of speculation, a lot of, you know, what what happened, what didn't happen.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, they always believed the adults.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um one of the stories was because my parents were getting divorced and I was being rebellious because I was a teenager and I wanted to have a boyfriend or I wanted to have a quinceanera, that's why I started making up all these things, um, which sucks.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember when I got married, there was a comment made because I wanted to have a wedding.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: But if I had a wedding, what were people gonna say because I didn't invite that person?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Or how were certain people gonna feel?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: And what hurts was the comment that was made.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: You should just forget about it, act like something happened, just so I can just so other people would be okay, and I could invite that person and act like nothing happened, so others would feel comfortable, so I decided not to have anything.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: I decided just to go and get married.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: It was an orderary public and not have anything because I was not willing to do something like that and invite that person and act like nothing had happened, like that person had never hurt me.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness, I thought that I I guess I was holding that one in.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: I did not realize that that thing was that common actually, or however, now having my girls because I went through that, I was very open with them.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: My girls have known my story, my husband has known my story.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I've got Martin, you guys have uh known my story, my parents know.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um other people have also known.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: They just choose not to talk about it or even bring it up.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: But I've always, you know, try to protect my girls as much as I can, be open about them.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, their body is their body, nobody, you know, disrespects them, nobody touches them, nobody, you know, and they don't do the same thing to other people because everybody, you know, it's their own body, and you got to respect yourself and respect people.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the same with my granddaughter.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: So um my son as well.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm very big on that one because he is a boy, and you know, respecting girls, women, and their no is no, regardless of anything, you know, whether it's you know, just the fact of saying no, even when you're playing, you don't want to, you don't want to.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Stop.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: You respect people's bubble, and that's something that I'm very big in my household, you know, because of it.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: But it has helped us be more open, my kids are more aware, but yeah.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just so you guys also know, too, our parents are aware that we're talking about this, yeah.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: They're they they know we're going to be having this conversation, they knew it from the get-go.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what did my dad tell you?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want you to share that story since you with my dad.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I know you're gonna bring that up.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: So um so actually this whole year um has been, I think, the end of this chapter.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um because well, actually, no, not this year.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: It was it's been two years, two years.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: So last year I I spoke to my dad.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because mind you, um my dad at that moment did not know what to believe.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I think it was just always like that.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: He wasn't sure.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, unfortunately, because of that, my dad decided to step also away from my kids and myself because he didn't want, he didn't want any type of affection to be misinterpreted in his mind, which for me answered so many questions as to why my dad was never in my kids' family, in my kids' life.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I understand his point of view and I and and I see more than his train of thought the hurt that he has or he had.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, not sure.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't asked yet.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: But um so last year um I've I had always been in fight or fright mode with my dad.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: I've always had a wall up.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I've never been able to get close to him because I would always have that wall up with him.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: I was always um guarded because it was such a big thing for me not to feel protected that I felt like there's I just could not count on my dad.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um so uh last year, uh talking to my dad, something had happened within the family.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I called my dad and I and I'm talking to him, and it was because there had been another victim.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: So when I when I talk about you know, these people who had come out, I don't know their stories because I'm not involved with the family.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know when this happened, how it happened, how long ago it was, was it recent?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: I have no clue.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I I when I I just know that there had been other people, I just don't know, you know, when it was.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't know my story.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: So um talking to my dad, my dad uh I called him and he said, Miha, I I need to tell you something.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Yeah, dad.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, I believe you.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I stood quiet.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I go, what do you mean?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, you know, unfortunately, we have found out that there has been other victims, and now I know that that you were never lying.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Dad, it took 20 years.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: I go, it took 20 years for you to tell me that.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, I know.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: He goes, and I know that I messed up and I know that I should have been there, but I didn't know what to do.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: He goes, I just know that I'm sorry, and I said, Okay.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: And that day I hung up with him and I didn't know what to do because that was something that I had been waiting for for 20 years.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I I literally I thought that that was never gonna happen until my dad was in his deathbed.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: And when he said that, I remember I came in the house and I walked around with this new feeling that I had never felt before, but it was a relief.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't know what to do.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know how to approach my dad anymore.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know anything.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: The only thing that I did was I prayed and I said, God, you have given me a time with my dad where that.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Little girl now hugs my dad where she's not guarded anymore.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: And from then to now, we have endless conversations, we talk about a lot of things.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: So when I called my sister and I said, you know, this whole, and and and I'm gonna bring it up because this is why um I knew I was ready to talk about it, was this whole Cornell University situation.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: And um I called my sister and I said, I'm ready to tell my story.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it needs to be heard, not only just within the family, but for people to understand that you can heal from it, you can heal from it, even though you feel like everybody is against you, you can heal from it and forgive because I have forgiven.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: Before I remember I have gone to a party and that person was there.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: My instinct was to go hide.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Then I thought to myself, you know, being somewhere where that person wasn't seeing me.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: I thought to myself, why am I hiding?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't do anything wrong.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Why do I have to feel uncomfortable?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I stood up and I went back to the party.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: I said, if anybody here is gonna be is gonna feel uncomfortable, is that person.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that's when I stepped into my power, and that's when um I said no more.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: I am no longer gonna be victimizing myself.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, anyway, I sidetracked going back to my dad.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so when I told my sister, you know what, I'm I I need to tell my story now, the first thing I did was call my dad.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because under no circumstance am I blaming my parents, under no circumstance am I wanting them to feel guilty or feel like you know they could have done better or they could have done something different because they didn't know what to do.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I completely understand that.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: I understand that they did that my dad didn't know what to do, didn't know how to approach the situation, and on top of that, you know, they were going through a divorce, they already had marital problems.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: So this was all around the same time.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's not an excuse.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not excusing his actions either.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying I understand, you know, I never thank God in that position, you know, to where, you know, you could say he would probably have to have made a choice.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: But um I did, I I called my dad before this moment, and I said, Dad, I'm here to tell you.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna be completely honest, I had my wallet.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I had my wallet up with my dad because for so long, it you know, I knew that this point was gonna get here.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't know my dad's reaction.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: So um I called my dad and I said, Dad, I'm just calling to let you know.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um the next couple of episodes are gonna be my story and it needs to be done, and I'm gonna do it just like that.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: And he stood quiet and he said, Do you really have to?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Yep, I sure do, because it is gonna help me and it's gonna help many people out there.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: I go, and people need to know that it's okay, that it's okay to tell their story, that it's okay to you know be truthful to themselves and and you know, step into their own power.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: And what he told me next completely brought down my guard.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: He stood quiet and he said, if that's what you need to do, go for it.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what to do.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: I went back again to last year where he had told me, you know, I I believe you when he said that, I just cried.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I just said, Thank you.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: Said thank you because I didn't know how much I needed that.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how much I needed not his approval, but for him to be there for me.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it was healing that little girl inside.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: And um, we both cried.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, you know, when you were born, you were the best thing that happened to me.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: Remind you guys, I'm the oldest.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, Um, I've always wanted to protect you.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry that I wasn't able to.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how to do it, I didn't know what to think.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Dad, I'm not blaming you.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not blaming you, and I don't want you to feel guilty.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it I forgave you, I forgave that person, I forgave myself.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: I go, I'm not blaming you, and um, and yeah, we're here.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: We're here, and this is um, I was just telling my sister, this I am.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: If you see me happy and you see me excited, it's not because you know it it brings me joy, it's because it's the last thing I needed to do to completely close this chapter.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: And that with that, with this, I'm like, I can move on completely from this after so many years and just be free.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Just be free.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: I I wanna I I just want to say something really quick, sister.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: I would move mountains to protect you, and I don't want you to feel guilty or feel bad because nobody protected me.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: That has nothing to do with you, with my brothers, nothing to do with you guys.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't have anything to do with me, so I would do anything to protect any of you guys.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: And just like I had I I told one of our family members when I I told her my story, I said we are I also had other family members that were younger than me that I was hoping that I would be able to protect.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't, I couldn't, but that that wasn't up to me either, and I can't feel guilty about it.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: One thing I am now, the way I see it, is that if I'm not glad that happened to me, because I wouldn't want that on anybody, but I know because I know that if it would have happened to anybody else in the family, they might have not been here to tell the story.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because I also went through the depression, through the anxiety, through cutting myself, through you know, nobody being there.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I'm not sure if if they would be here.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I I mean I went through it.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: That is part of my life.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: I can't erase it.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: I can't, you know, go back and change things, but I worked through it.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I did go to therapy um at the beginning of of my marriage.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I went through therapy, I learned a lot.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: I it started, that's what started, you know, to help me work through it.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but myself healing, uh confronting all the situation and um realizing that I was just a little girl.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: I was just a little girl.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um not feeling like I said, I don't I don't victimize myself.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I when I realized why am I victimizing myself?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I the one scared?
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I the one hiding?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I the one running away when I didn't do anything wrong and stepped into my power?
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: That is when I realized, no, that is not, I'm not gonna let this take over for more time.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Great, great.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I know, I know.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I just admire you a lot.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I always have, I always have, you know, this, like you, you went through so much growing up, and I'm proud, I'm proud of the person you are now.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm proud of her too.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm proud of her.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um seeing you transform into the person you are now is just it's been it's been amazing and yet to come because there's a lot more transformation happening, and I am excited to see all the changes, not only in you, but in me as well, and the rest of the my my parents, just everyone.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's so many changes going on in the back end that I'm just so excited, so excited to see.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: And like a lot of this, we have to, yeah, we have to leave it there and be the person who we want to become and be in that power because we are no longer victims.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're no we're no longer going to be bringing that word whatsoever.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_02: Can I just do I do because I I I have to say that I I know that I have gone through everything that I've gone through, and I am the person that I am now.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes I would wonder why, how, like I've gone through so many things that honestly there's people that only go through one of the many things that I've gone through, and they're no longer here.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're no longer here, and that's just one thing.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: I've gone through so many things, you know.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I've gone through the abuse, I've gone, I've run the streets, the streets, and by that I mean, you know, in gangs and you know, um drugs and um domestic violence and um just you know depression, anxiety, and then I'm still here.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: And before I used to say, you know, how am I still here?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_02: How am I standing?
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: How am I, you know, raising kids?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: But it's God, it's God and it's the fly that's right here somewhere that's bothering me.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's um it's God and it's me surrendering and knowing that there's a purpose and that I'm I'm still going, there's still something that you know my purpose, I'm I'm stepping into my purpose.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, my kids are watching, it's so amazing.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: When I talked to my dad, I told him about this um about this episode coming out.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: My daughter was sitting in the kitchen and I was talking to my dad, and um I had her mom on speaker.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: And my daughter looked at me and I sat down and I took a deep breath and I went, Oh, wow.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: And she looked at me and she said, You're doing good, mommy.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I looked at her and I said, You're watching your mom heal in real time.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: And she said, Yeah, and these are things that my daughter has never ever been through, ever seen, ever anything, and she's watching her mom heal.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: That to me is amazing to be sitting there and watching her face and her looking at me heal and her grandpa heal.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that's awesome.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: Life is good, yeah.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's awesome, and yeah, it's literally you're here to talk about all of this.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're here to talk about all of your experiences, and and likewise, I feel like we've always been ever since I got that nudge a couple of years ago that I needed to do this, it was for the both of us, yeah.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was for the both of us, and this was this is our purpose, part of our purpose together.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, amazing, and yeah, I give thanks to God and the patience because God knows I would ask my sister to sit down and do this podcast with me, and I had to be patient about it, yeah.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but you know what?
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: Box timing is always yeah, perfect, and um everything happens when it needs to happen, and you know that's the way it is.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to say, and I want to speak to the person listening who might someday be the first person someone tells.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your child, maybe it's your sister, maybe it's your brother, your cousin, a family member, a friend.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: Before worrying about how this changes the family, listen to the person in front of you.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: They need care, they need safety, they need to know they aren't in trouble for speaking.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the words we should be able to say in our families is I believe you.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't, you didn't deserve that.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: This wasn't your fault.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you, I'm glad you told me.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we need our actions to match those words.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: We also need to make room for children's boundaries in life every day.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: If a child doesn't want to hug someone, we can respect that.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: If they feel uncomfortable around a person, we can listen without making them defend that feeling in front of everyone.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: A person's place in the family does not put you, does not put them above a child's safety.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um I also have a question since since you're a parent, Vivian.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I am not what would you want a parent listening today to understand?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: That it's very important for you to teach your children and set boundaries, especially when it comes to their bodies.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: People say, Oh, they're still small, they don't know.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, my granddaughter right now is three, since she's been since she was small.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: We started setting her boundaries, teaching her how to set boundaries.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: She's very good at putting her little hand up and saying, No, stop.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't want to.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's never too young.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's not an excuse.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's because they're too young.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: They don't know.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, they they feel they feel when something's not right.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: Energy never lies.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, especially with kids.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_02: Especially with kids.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: I believe it.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: So so just you know, teach them young, um, give them that safe space to come and tell you, talk to you about everything that's going on.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, have them feel comfortable around you, not be scared to say anything, no more.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: Making them feel like it's their responsibility not to make the family look bad.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's not they come first.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I have another question.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: And what would you want to say to an adult who is only now beginning to talk about what had happened to them as a child?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: I would say you need to let it out and be honest with yourself.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't matter who believes you, who doesn't believe you, who's there, who's not there, because you are gonna ruffle some feathers.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna ruffle many feathers and many close feathers, but be honest with yourself, it needs to come out if you do not take that out, it will come out physically in your body.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_02: It will.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_02: That is true, it will come out, and how can you, if you have children, try to protect your children when you're not even honest with yourself?
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: You can expect your children to be honest with you.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: Steep, yeah, and your children need to know your story because you never know, you know, what if your children have a connection with that person too?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: How are you gonna tell them no?
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: What excuse are you gonna give them if you're not even willing to talk out or say something?
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think you didn't say anything to protect to protect them, that's still holding in and bringing your guard up and holding in stuff that you need to let it let it out.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know it's so hard to talk about it and it's so hurtful, and you get flashbacks and you remember that like if it was happening so vividly.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: But the more you talk about it, the more you confront it, and the more you tell yourself this does not have power or over me, I have power over it, you will start healing, but you have to take that step.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't matter matter how hard it is, and actually, not only just that, anything in life, anything that has happened to you that has caused you some type of trauma and you need healing from you, need to confront it.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you need to confront it as much as it hurts.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: That was deep.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it's true.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's and this goes for any area of your life.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: So this conversation matters because there may be someone listening who has never heard their experience spoken about in their own family, someone who still wonders whether they should have tried harder to explain, someone who has been expected to sit across the table from the person who hurt them, someone who has told that was a long time ago, when they finally found words for it.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: We want there to be more room for these conversations in our communities.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: Room for survivors to speak if they choose, room for families to take responsibility, room for children to be heard the first time.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're listening and you don't want to share your story publicly, you don't have to.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your experience matters without an audience, and you are more than welcome to reach out to us.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: We always have our email address, our DMs are always open, our messages are always open for all of you guys.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: For the ones who already have reached out, thank you.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: We've actually had and sat down with you guys and have private conversations with you guys, and you guys had said that wow, I didn't know I needed to heal from this, I didn't know I was going through or this was gonna come up for me.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we see you, we hear you, and we're here for you.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: So before we finish, is there anything you want to say that I haven't asked?
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um no, um the same thing you just said um we're here.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um I completely understand.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: We may not all have the same story, but we have the same feelings.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: We go through the same trauma, the same triggers.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and if you don't feel comfortable telling a family member or coming out to a family member or a friend, our like my sister said, our DMs are open, our emails, you know, you can contact us, and we are willing to sit down and and talk and open, you know, that space for you.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a lonely world, that's why we do this.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want you guys to feel alone.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: We want you guys to feel supported in any way.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Vivian, thank you.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for trusting me, for trusting this platform, for this conversation.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've always believed you.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've I I love you.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve, I mean, you deserved protection then, and you deserve care now.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: To everyone listening, please receive the story with respect.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: We won't be answering questions about identifying details or anything my sister has chosen to keep private.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone you love has trusted you with something like this, let it let today be the reason to listen more carefully and ask what support they may need.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if this episode resonated with you, we're here.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: Please share this episode with anybody who needs to hear this.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: Again, our emails and our DMs, and we're open to listening to what you have to say.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: Before I uh we close off, and everything is always going to be linked in the description box, so it's very accessible for you guys to reach us, I promise.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: And people have been reaching out to us, so I know it's working.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we have.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no excuses.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: But we're here whenever you're ready or whenever you need somebody to talk to.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: We don't judge, on the contrary, we give you this, we give you the space that you need.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: Before we leave, as many of you guys know, or I'm not sure if you guys already know, but I've I've enjoyed writing ever since I can remember.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: And as of late, maybe this past year, I've gotten um into writing a lot more.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hence, a lot of the posts that you guys see, a lot of the carousels that you guys see, it's they're all written by me.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um I express myself much more in detail with it.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um a lot of my vulnerability does come with it.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: And as of late, I've been writing a lot of letters, letters um that have never been sent out before.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually wonder, I actually wrote a letter for you, Vivian.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably gonna make me cry.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: But um it's just a way that I I've um I like to express myself.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: And whoever who and and anybody who resonates with this, I also I wrote it not only for my sister, but for anybody else who may resonate as well.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna read you the letter I wrote.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh grab some tissue.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's in Spanglish because I I do both.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do both.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: She told the truth out loud, not because she owed anyone her story, because she decided she wasn't going to carry it in silence anymore.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yo quiero serrar este episodio hablando a ella y después a ti.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sister, you were just a little girl.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: A little girl who should have been safe in her own family.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who was supposed to protect us didn't.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that was never your fault.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ni un poquito.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: And even when no one was protecting you, you protected me.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: You were a child, and you stood in front of me.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I understood until I was grown what that cost you.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: You gave me a safety you never got.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: You told the truth, and for years Nadien te creo.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of silence hurts in its own way.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: But you kept going.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: You built a life, you kept loving.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: Solo protegió a quien les hizo el daño.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: Your story is real even if no one believed you.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Your pain is valid even if it happened a long time ago.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it is never too late to heal, to speak or to be believed.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to tell the whole world.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to tell anyone until you're ready.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: But you deserve to tell someone safe.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you deserve support while you heal.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone you love ever trusts you with something like this, the most important thing you can say is te creo.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_00: I believe you.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: My sister waited decades to hear them from the people she needed the most.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make anyone wait that long.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: To the little girls, we were.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_00: We see you.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: We believe you, and we're breaking the silence for you now.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sister.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't a word.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: You have my full-on support.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: And just how you told me you would move mountains for me and for my siblings, I do the same thing.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_00: For you, my siblings, for my parents, our significant others.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: Same.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: So once again, thank you for anybody who was listening.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the support.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for following, for subscribing, for sharing, for just being there and just listening to us.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: We really do appreciate it.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: And your support means so much to us.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: It truly, truly, truly does.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it motivates us even more to keep doing what we're doing.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: So once again, thank you, and we will see you on our next episode.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.