Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Narcissists hate when you GO NO CONTACT

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Why Narcissists hate when you GO NO CONTACT · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So, yeah, narcissist hate it when you go no contact.
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  Hate it. That's why no contact is such an
• 0:08
  important thing, such an important tool to have in your
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  little empathetic toolbox when you're trying to heal from a
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  narcissist or get away from a narcissist or a toxic
• 0:17
  relationship. Yeah, that's what we talked
• 0:19
  about today. If you're new here, you don't
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  know who I am. I am Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  And I give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist and
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  we're gonna hop right into it. Y'all narcissistic people, toxic
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  people. I can't.
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  Yeah, I really can't even get deep into the word because it
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  means so much to narcissists, right?
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  They absolutely loathe when you go no contact with them.
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  I'm one of them. I hate that.
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  But Lee, why do they? Why can't they stand when they
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  go? When you go no contact with
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  them? What the what?
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  Why is no contact such a hard thing for narcissists to deal
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  with? Mainly mainly because they lose
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  access to you. I think most people will
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  understand that narcissists are all about control, right?
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  We want control of the situation in some way, shape or form.
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  We really do. We really want to be able to
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  control the situation. You, whoever it is, whatever it
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  is, in some way, shape or form. That's that.
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  We want the power, we want to control.
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  We want all of the above right there, right?
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  So in order to get that, I mean, in order to keep that, we have
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  to be able to talk to you, we have to be able to see you, we
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  have to be able to respond to you.
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  There's so many different things that we have to be able to do
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  that we can't do if we're not talking to you, if you're not
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  talking to us. That's why you.
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  That's why it's so. I know so many people just like,
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  well, Lee, I can't go no contact.
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  It's so tough, like I miss them so much and my head starts
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  hurting. My, my, my spine starts
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  spinning, my, my ears start tingling, my nose gets really
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  itchy and runny. I just can't do it.
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  I'm so I just need this person. Yeah.
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  I'm telling you right now that when you are dealing with a
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  narcissist that no conduct is the best tool to help you heal.
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  Now tomorrow's video, the next video I'm going to do is going
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  to be like a two-part series y'all, 'cause it's I don't want,
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  I don't want like 20-30 many videos on my channel.
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  I'm going to talk about when you can't go no contact.
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  But today no contact is the is going to be the topic right when
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  you can't go. I mean, you can go no contact
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  when you absolutely have the ability to go no contact.
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  You need to, but you need to prepare for it.
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  Let's, let's be real, you have to prepare, prepare, prepare to
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  go no contact with this person, right?
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  And that means accepting that this might be the last time you
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  talk to them. This might be the last time you
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  communicate with them. This text message that you're
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  going to send them or not send them might be the last form of
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  communication you have going towards that person.
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  Are you OK with that? Are you cool with that?
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  Because those are things that you, you're going to have to ask
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  yourself before you move forward as you're trying to grow, as
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  you're trying to, you know, heal and do your thing.
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  You won't have to answer that question right there.
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  Am I OK with never talking to this person again?
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  Because the possibility does exist that I won't hear from
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  this person again or they, they definitely not.
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  If, if things go the way there's the way they're supposed to go,
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  this person definitely won't hear from me again, right?
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  I mean, I also need people to understand when you go no
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  contact, it's you going no contact, right?
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  It doesn't mean that they won't try to contact you.
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  No contact is a tool that you use.
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  It's not a tool of the narcissist, right?
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  Narcissist uses solid treatment. No contact is a tool that you
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  use in order to help you heal and get away from this person.
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  You know it. No contact is the tool that you
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  use. It's a tool that you use.
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  You're not punishing them. You're not trying to get back at
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  them. You're literally just trying to
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  heal. So it's a tool that you have in
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  your toolbox in order to assist you on the healing journey.
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  So you have to be prepared, right?
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  Because narcissistic people, well, you got no contact.
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  They don't. Yeah.
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  Yeah. No contact is not an order for
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  them to not contact you. Some people when you go no
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  contact or going to try to contact you more notice I said
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  more. Sometimes they won't lose their
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  minds because they want their control over you.
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  Look, when you go no contact with their narcissist, the first
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  thing that goes to a narcissist's mind is the is
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  thinking that you have someone else.
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  A lot of times that's the very first thought that goes through
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  a darcist is my not every single darcist is going to think that,
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  but of good chunk are going to think that you have someone else
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  and they cannot handle that. They can't handle the thought
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  that you have someone else that someone else is you're messing
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  around with somebody else. They cannot handle that.
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  So in order for them to reconcile with it and be able to
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  move forward or try to do anything at all, a lot of them
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  lose their damn minds. They absolutely will.
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  So you got to like they, they yeah.
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  They'll come to your door, they'll try to make you see
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  them. They'll beat it.
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  They'll pop up at your house. They'll demand that you talk to
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  them. They'll demand that you see them
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  again. They'll, you see what I'm
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  saying? And if you don't say no, I mean,
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  if you, if you don't, if you try to, if you go talk to them, they
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  feel like they won. You know, if you go no contact
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  with them, they feel like they won.
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  I mean, if you, if you go no contact and you break no
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  contact, they feel like they've had got a victory over you.
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  So that's why maintaining no contact is such an important
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  thing to do because if you don't, they think they have to
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  achieve some type of victory and they will not leave you alone.
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  Because why would I leave you alone if what I'm doing is
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  working? Why would I stop reaching out to
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  you if what I'm doing is working right?
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  Why would if you're going to keep breaking no contact, why
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  would I stop? Why would I not keep contacting
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  you? Those are things that you have
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  to be OK with. You got it.
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  Those are things that you have to understand and things that
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  you are go as you move forward, things that you are just going
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  to have to. It's just tough, y'all.
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  Let's keep it real. It is.
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  It is tough. I'm not trying to make it sound
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  like it's an easy thing to do because this person, you, you go
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  into contact with you, you y'all might have built a life
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  together. You might have built a life
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  together. You might have a lot of things
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  going for you. There's so many different things
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  that have happened right here that you know, as you're trying
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  to move forward, you have to understand that y'all might have
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  built a life together. Things that you have to let go,
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  like the future that you thought you were going to have for this
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  person, it no probably no longer exists.
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  So with the future no longer existing, it's going to be hard.
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  It's going to be hard. It's going to be hard when
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  you're going through something and this person has been the
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  first person you've reached out to, even if they haven't given
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  you a response that you wanted or you need it.
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  This has been the first person that you've reached out to when
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  you were hurting or when you were crying or when you needed
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  something from them, right? This person has always been
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  around you. This person is always being able
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  to give you something. So in that essence right there,
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  it helps you to just like really just understand that you're
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  going to have to need, you're going to have to find somebody
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  else to reach out to Having a support system works or just
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  write stuff down. Join my support group.
• 7:12
  I have a support group called the mental healers.
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  You can find more information about that and mental
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  illness.net and that it knows that group people, sometimes
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  people come into the group when they think about breaking no
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  contact and they put, they write down what they were going to
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  originally write to the person and it helps them vent.
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  It helps them get it out of their system and it helps it go
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  somewhere. So it doesn't go to the
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  narcissist, right? It doesn't go to the
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  narcissistic person and it helps you maintain no contact.
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  Community can help you heal. Again, that's a mental
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  illness.net, but that's a big thing that a lot of us have to
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  process. Like no contact is not punishing
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  them as well. So many people just like I want
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  to hurt them, Lee, I I really don't want to hurt them.
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  And what the last time I tried to go no contact, they they
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  called and threatened to harm themselves.
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  They said they were going to hunt me down.
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  They said they didn't. They never loved me.
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  And This is why they're not talking to me now.
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  I'm the reason things that went wrong, it's all on me.
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  Rabble rabble rabble, blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo BBB.
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  It's not your fault. You know what I mean?
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  It's not your fault most unless you are here cheating on them
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  and they they're not, they're not they if you are cheating,
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  they they're going to get you right.
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  But that's what narcissistic people do.
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  So no contact is not to hurt them.
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  I'm not a very bad. I'm not a mean personally, I
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  don't want to hurt them. They're hurting you.
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  They're doing damage to you. They did they.
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  They really are. So yes, there's no contact hurt
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  most narcissists. Yeah, it's going to hurt them.
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  But it's not you inflicting the pain.
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  It's you protecting yourself. If your force field hurt your
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  like you put up a force field. You know what I'm saying?
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  Let's just say I hear that's why certain vaccines and things
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  exist right there. That's why you get certain
• 8:59
  immunity boosters and things like that.
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  Let's say you got the the mumps. Like the shot you get for the
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  mumps is not going to make your nose fall off, right?
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  You see what I'm saying? The the shot you get for the
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  mumps targets the mumps, the going no contact targets the
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  narcissist in order to help you heal.
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  The narcissist is like a a virus that you you have to get rid of
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  or bacteria. So the shot you get the no
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  contact shot you get help get helps target them right.
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  This is why it's so important. And I said, like I said, the
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  beginning, narcissist hate it when you go no contact, y'all
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  because in their minds they've lost control.
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  You found someone else or the possibility exists that you're
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  going to find somebody else. They absolutely cannot stand the
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  thought that you have someone else because they hits their
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  ego. It hits our egos.
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  When people have gone no contact with me, it definitely hit my
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  ego because I could not get out, get out my head that you were
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  with someone else, right? That you were being with
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  somebody else, they somebody else's around you and being with
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  you and having fun and you were building a life with somebody
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  else other than me. Seriously, that type of stuff
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  right there will devastate A narcissist.
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  If you want to get back at them, go no contact, right?
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  So many people ask me like Lee, I want them.
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  I want them to hurt. I want the narcissist to feel
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  pain. But I feel like a bad person
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  because I think that you're not a bad person if you want, if you
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  want the person who hurt you to at least experience something,
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  right? You don't want them to get away
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  Scott free. But that's why no contact is so
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  important because that delivers a blow to them because you took
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  your power back. You're going to keep, you're
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  keeping you, you keep your power.
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  Your power has been taken back and you're not letting it go.
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  So that's such an important thing to even understand and
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  even realize right there when you're dealing with this type of
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  personality, this type of person.
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  I'm just, yeah, I'm just y'all know what I say when I keep it
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  hot and ready, This is literally what I do.
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  I keep it hot and ready like a little Caesar pizza.
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  You have to stay no contact. No contact is so important for
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  you because it just, it allows your nervous system to
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  stabilize. You've been like y'all, you've
• 11:00
  been unstable, like the narcissistic person has created
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  so much chaos in your life. The life, your life is so
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  chaotic that you're not stabilized.
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  You haven't been stable for a very, very long time.
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  You, the back and forth, the ups and downs, the trauma, like
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  going no contact with this person right here helps you
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  stabilize your life. And they hate it because the
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  more chaos they bring into your life, the more difficult it is
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  for you to leave them alone. Again, the more chaos that a
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  narcissist brings into your life, the more difficult it is
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  for them to finally leave you alone, for them to finally for
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  you to set yourself free in those in that instance right
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  there. That's why it's so important.
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  Y'all, narcissists love chaos. They love bringing the chaos
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  into your life. They love disrupting your peace.
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  They love doing all kinds of crazy things to you because it
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  helps then it helps you. I mean, it helps them maintain
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  some type of control over you. They, they feel like you need
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  them as long as the, the more chaos, the more they feel like
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  you need them. So you don't need them.
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  Though you made it this far, you might as well hit the subscribe
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  button. Y'all, 'cause we, we, we, we,
• 12:03
  I'm helping you heal, we healing together.
• 12:04
  We're thriving together over here.
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  So no contact is important. Narcissists hate no contact and
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  no contact means no contact. It doesn't mean no contact means
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  you have to block them. No contact means you don't look
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  at their social media. No contact means it's over.
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  It's done universally, there's no avenues open if they reach
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  out. If they find a new way to reach
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  out to you, you got to block them and be safe to y'all cause
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  some people like say they lose their minds when they go no
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  contact. So safety first.
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  Prioritize your safety if you have to leave the house if
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  you're moving out, you don't necessarily need to tell them
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  until you're already out y'all. Yeah Anyway y'all hit the
• 12:37
  subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 12:39
  Also mental illness.net for everything.
• 12:41
  Lee Hammock and I'm out. Peace.