Latest / Dear Chelsea / The Art of Livin’ with Matthew McConaughey

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The Art of Livin’ with Matthew McConaughey · Dear Chelsea

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Oh guys, guess what it's our season finale?
0:07
Speaker 1: What season are we in? Technically three, but it was
0:10
Speaker 1: sort of like a twice as big season as last season. Yeah. Yeah,
0:14
Speaker 1: we just decide when the seasons are going to be over. Yeah,
0:16
Speaker 1: podcasting is a wild West. You can kind of do
0:17
Speaker 1: whatever you want. What's with climate change? It's everything is
0:20
Speaker 1: so unpredictable. So we're applying that line of thinking to
0:23
Speaker 1: podcasting exactly. Yes, this is our last episode of this
0:27
Speaker 1: season and then we will be back shortly for season four.
0:31
Speaker 1: Or yeah, okay, wow, what if success? You guys, it's
0:35
Speaker 1: a success. Yes, four seasons, that's yes, Chelsea. What do
0:40
Speaker 1: you love about this show? Love? But oh okay, well,
0:44
Speaker 1: why don't you start? I'll start. You know, it's really
0:47
Speaker 1: become this cool show where like people's lives are being changed,
0:51
Speaker 1: like people are making better choices, we're breaking people up,
0:56
Speaker 1: Like it's so wonderful to see people bond with like
1:01
Speaker 1: you helped me to move my life into a better direction,
1:05
Speaker 1: or you know, get that job, or you know, say
1:08
Speaker 1: no to that mother in law or whatever it is.
1:11
Speaker 1: People are really being filled with joy and also connecting
1:14
Speaker 1: because of the show it's so exciting. Yes, and it's
1:16
Speaker 1: very nice. What Catherine does goes the extra mile above
1:19
Speaker 1: and beyond for a lot of our callers, you know,
1:22
Speaker 1: they when somebody reaches out and is interested in hearing
1:25
Speaker 1: more about a certain issue or recommendation, it's like, you
1:29
Speaker 1: really do go the extra mile to make sure people
1:31
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, we're all in this together and we're
1:33
Speaker 1: helping people, which is so nice. Yeah, I feel the
1:36
Speaker 1: same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impact.
1:39
Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people come up to
1:41
Speaker 1: me talking about my podcast and saying or our podcast,
1:45
Speaker 1: i should say, saying just how their lives have changed,
1:47
Speaker 1: and that they listen every week. And it's also a
1:49
Speaker 1: really great reminder about humanity and that everybody just really
1:54
Speaker 1: needs a little push at some point in their lives.
1:56
Speaker 1: Everybody does, and that's essentially what this is is a
1:59
Speaker 1: shove in the right. It's like a pep talk. You're
2:01
Speaker 1: getting a pep talk when you're on the fence about
2:03
Speaker 1: something or getting advice about how to handle, you know,
2:06
Speaker 1: a difficult situation in your life. And I think the
2:08
Speaker 1: more adept we become at handling difficulty, the better we
2:12
Speaker 1: are at helping others handle difficulty. Yeah, and so many
2:15
Speaker 1: of these are universal truths, Like you know, you can
2:18
Speaker 1: hear something that might not be exactly your situation, but
2:21
Speaker 1: you're able to take a life lesson from that and
2:23
Speaker 1: bring it into your relationship or bring it into your
2:25
Speaker 1: life in a way that's really beneficial. I just think
2:27
Speaker 1: that's really wonderful. Yeah, And I like helping people. It
2:30
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I have a purpose. Even though
2:33
Speaker 1: I feel like I do have a purpose, it's nice
2:35
Speaker 1: that this is part of my purpose. Yes. My dad
2:38
Speaker 1: always says that we're blessed to be a blessing, and
2:40
Speaker 1: when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth of
2:44
Speaker 1: knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that you
2:48
Speaker 1: can share it. Yeah, I read. Oh. I remember we
2:50
Speaker 1: were talking about a quote a couple weeks ago on
2:52
Speaker 1: the podcast, something about being a teacher, like when you
2:55
Speaker 1: need the lesson, the teacher will show. When the student
2:57
Speaker 1: needs the lesson, the teacher will appear. When the student
3:00
Speaker 1: has learned the lesson, the teacher will disappear. It was
3:03
Speaker 1: something along the line that line. I don't know if
3:05
Speaker 1: it was Roomy or if it was someone else, but anyway,
3:08
Speaker 1: that's a very good way to look at people coming
3:10
Speaker 1: in and out of your life. You know, sometimes it
3:12
Speaker 1: takes you a couple times to learn a lesson, and
3:15
Speaker 1: sometimes you can learn it the first time. And so
3:17
Speaker 1: my goal moving on in life is to learn things
3:19
Speaker 1: the first time, the new lessons, not to have to
3:22
Speaker 1: do things on repeat. Yeah, because then you offer yourself
3:25
Speaker 1: up to a new experience the next time and you
3:27
Speaker 1: don't have to repeat that. Absolutely. I used to go
3:30
Speaker 1: to this raiky lady in oswee Go, Illinois, and she
3:34
Speaker 1: had said, you know, when you get those taps on
3:36
Speaker 1: the shoulder of a lesson that you're supposed to be learning,
3:39
Speaker 1: that is you know, your guardian angels trying to help
3:42
Speaker 1: you learn the lesson, and if you don't get it,
3:44
Speaker 1: they're going to tap you a little harder, and they're
3:46
Speaker 1: gonna tap you a little harder, and then eventually it's
3:48
Speaker 1: going to be the two wife or that you know,
3:50
Speaker 1: sort of hits the upside the hat exactly, and it's
3:52
Speaker 1: just it's sort of how life works. So I love
3:55
Speaker 1: that learning the lesson the first time, right, Well, when
3:57
Speaker 1: we're young and stupid, it's it's hard to know that
3:59
Speaker 1: you're even learning a lesson. You just feel the two
4:02
Speaker 1: by four. You're just like, why does this keep happening
4:04
Speaker 1: to me? Why does this keep happening to me? And
4:06
Speaker 1: it's like, no, it's not happening to you. You're happening
4:08
Speaker 1: to it, you know, like you're not changing the way
4:10
Speaker 1: you're thinking about something. So yes, these are all good
4:13
Speaker 1: things to keep in mind. And I want to thank
4:15
Speaker 1: everybody for being such loyal listeners and for your calls
4:18
Speaker 1: and all of it. We just love it, and I'm down.
4:21
Speaker 1: This audience is particularly awesome. Yeah they are, they are,
4:24
Speaker 1: but that's you know what. I have to credit myself
4:26
Speaker 1: with that, because my audience has been fucking awesome my
4:29
Speaker 1: whole career. Just badass, fucking women. Gay men, and the
4:33
Speaker 1: straight men that are on board are really on board,
4:35
Speaker 1: and they're the cool kind of straight men, so I'm
4:37
Speaker 1: down with them too. And of course, black men, I'm
4:40
Speaker 1: always done with black man. I don't know how many
4:42
Speaker 1: black straight guys are listening, but if you are, hit
4:44
Speaker 1: me up. So what's going on, Catherine? I actually just
4:48
Speaker 1: spent yesterday at Disneyland, so I am, Oh, Kurtfrede, you
4:52
Speaker 1: know what, go fuck off? I am, honestly, I am
4:55
Speaker 1: so sick of your shit. First the Eggs and now Disneyland.
4:59
Speaker 1: I know, And I even wore my new little Mickey
5:01
Speaker 1: shirt that's acute. Were at home instead? I'm wearing it. Brad?
5:08
Speaker 1: Did you go with her? Are you an accomplice? I did?
5:11
Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an
5:14
Speaker 1: excuse you guys. You can try, you can use them escapegoats,
5:17
Speaker 1: but obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh how
5:20
Speaker 1: is your niece? How's it going so good? Are you
5:22
Speaker 1: having nice conversations with her? Yeah, we're having a really
5:25
Speaker 1: nice time. Their two nieces here, One is fourteen and
5:28
Speaker 1: one is sixteen, And all you have to do is
5:31
Speaker 1: be like, so, what's going on with your friends? And
5:33
Speaker 1: then they go off for an hour on their friend
5:35
Speaker 1: drama and yeah, great, right right? I kind of like
5:38
Speaker 1: hearing about that drama. Yes, and one of my nieces,
5:41
Speaker 1: she's a new little girl friend and she's talking all
5:44
Speaker 1: about her relationship and she's so happy and in love
5:47
Speaker 1: and it's just it's really sweet. It's wonderful. I mean, honestly,
5:51
Speaker 1: I'm just glad they're past the phase where they only
5:54
Speaker 1: eat macaroni and cheese, because on some delicious street tacos. Yeah,
6:00
Speaker 1: they're loving street tacos here in La. What's not to
6:03
Speaker 1: love about tacos? Oh my god, it's the best. I'm
6:07
Speaker 1: so excited. So No, we're having a wonderful time with well,
6:10
Speaker 1: my lesbian sister and I she's gonna be a lesbian.
6:13
Speaker 1: When I got done with her just planned our honeymoon
6:16
Speaker 1: portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all on
6:20
Speaker 1: this email with our Safari guide planning like our African
6:23
Speaker 1: trip because we're taking all our nieces and my ski buddy, Kelly,
6:27
Speaker 1: a different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski
6:30
Speaker 1: buddy Kelly and her two twins. I forget their names
6:33
Speaker 1: right now, even though they're my daughters. No one is
6:37
Speaker 1: called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway,
6:40
Speaker 1: we're all going Charlie, Seneca and Jordan, my three nieces,
6:43
Speaker 1: and my sister, Simone and Kelly and her two girls.
6:47
Speaker 1: And so we're going for two weeks. We're going to
6:48
Speaker 1: Kenya and Tanzania, and then we're Simone and I are
6:52
Speaker 1: going on a lover's week. It's just the two. She goes,
6:54
Speaker 1: I have a week off after that. Do you want
6:56
Speaker 1: to do something, and I was like, you bet, I do.
6:58
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go to Cape Town and we're gonna
7:00
Speaker 1: go to Zanzibar a couple of nights. It's very fun
7:03
Speaker 1: and exotic, I know. And she keeps like, He's like, okay,
7:06
Speaker 1: here's a villa. I'm like, we don't need a villa
7:08
Speaker 1: for the two of us. She's like, yes, we do.
7:11
Speaker 1: Stay away from me being my wing incredible. So I'm excited.
7:20
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a big summer of travel. So we're
7:22
Speaker 1: gonna have to We're gonna have to bank a lot
7:24
Speaker 1: of episodes. Yes, we will do that. Okay. So our
7:28
Speaker 1: next guest is an Academy Award winning actor and a
7:31
Speaker 1: number one New York Times bestselling author of Green Lights.
7:35
Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey, are we in lining on time? Yeah? We are. Hi, Matthew. Hello,
7:44
Speaker 1: how are you? Chelsea? I'm great? How are you doing?
7:46
Speaker 1: This is my co host, Catherine. Hi, how are you?
7:51
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good? Good? Great, great, Matthew. I am in
7:57
Speaker 1: a state of being blown away because I read your
8:01
Speaker 1: book in the last twenty four hours. I'll be honest.
8:04
Speaker 1: I got it months ago and everybody was talking about it,
8:07
Speaker 1: and just like you describe in the book when you
8:10
Speaker 1: were accusing somebody of not being interested in something, because
8:14
Speaker 1: it was a success, it was popular, everyone was talking
8:18
Speaker 1: about it, and I was like, oh, fuck it, I'll
8:20
Speaker 1: read this later. And I read this yesterday in a day.
8:24
Speaker 1: It is so fucking impressive. I am so blown away
8:28
Speaker 1: by the depth of your humanity, about the depth of
8:31
Speaker 1: your soul searching. It's so a nice for a woman
8:36
Speaker 1: to be able to read a man who speaks and
8:38
Speaker 1: thinks the way that you do. We need more of that, absolutely,
8:42
Speaker 1: and the fact that you are just so in touch
8:44
Speaker 1: with yourself is really remarkable. Wow. Cool, Thank you. That
8:48
Speaker 1: feels good to hear that. Thank you. I bet yeah.
8:53
Speaker 1: The success of your book must have been a huge
8:56
Speaker 1: boon to you to get all of this out on paper.
8:59
Speaker 1: I mean, how did it feel to get that kind
9:01
Speaker 1: of feedback and that kind of reaction from everybody. Well,
9:05
Speaker 1: you know, you put something and you don't know if
9:07
Speaker 1: it's going to stick or not. And I remember when
9:11
Speaker 1: I started writing it, I was actually found myself writing
9:14
Speaker 1: to try and impress you are an audience, right, And
9:18
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, after a couple weeks, I
9:20
Speaker 1: was like, that's not the way I gotta do it.
9:23
Speaker 1: Make it this personal for me is possible, and hopefully
9:27
Speaker 1: make it as entertaining as well, and then if it sticks,
9:29
Speaker 1: it sticks, And I got lucky. It hit a nerve
9:35
Speaker 1: with some people. So the reactions that I've found in
9:37
Speaker 1: travels and emails I've gotten from around the world to say, hey,
9:41
Speaker 1: I saw myself in your stories. Hey, I'm taking more
9:44
Speaker 1: risk to do things in my life that I was
9:46
Speaker 1: afraid to take before. Hey, I'm gonna laugh this time
9:50
Speaker 1: when I step and ship instead of thinking, oh my god,
9:52
Speaker 1: it's a crisis. I want to come across some cautions
9:56
Speaker 1: in life and I'm gonna blow through them when I
9:58
Speaker 1: should not give a CHRISTI so much credit, or I'm
10:01
Speaker 1: going to slow down and take a little inventory just
10:03
Speaker 1: to hear the feedback. It was. You know, when you
10:06
Speaker 1: when you put something out, you have in your mind
10:08
Speaker 1: what you hope a reaction will be, and if someone
10:11
Speaker 1: says that, you don't say it out loud, but if
10:12
Speaker 1: someone says that back to you, you're like, yes, that's
10:15
Speaker 1: what I was hoping. And I got a lot of
10:17
Speaker 1: that from the book, and that that felt really cool.
10:20
Speaker 1: I mean, the writing of it for me was I'm
10:23
Speaker 1: not a guy who looks in the past. I like
10:25
Speaker 1: to go forward and hey, what's in the background, what's
10:27
Speaker 1: behind in the review mirrors, in the review mirror, So
10:29
Speaker 1: to go back and look at who I was and
10:31
Speaker 1: now I got here. It was fucking embarrassing. I was.
10:35
Speaker 1: I had a lot of shame. I was like, oh
10:37
Speaker 1: my god, I can't believe you did that, this, that
10:39
Speaker 1: and the other. But after a few weeks writing, I
10:42
Speaker 1: started to laugh at that ship and started to gigging on.
10:45
Speaker 1: Was like going, well, no, shit, man, you know he's perfect. Yeah,
10:47
Speaker 1: you're screwed up. Put that one in there too, put
10:50
Speaker 1: that story in there. And that turned out to be
10:52
Speaker 1: some of people's favorite stuff is when I'm writing about
10:55
Speaker 1: me stepping and ship, me and Crow. You know, yeah,
10:59
Speaker 1: because I think it's very, very attractive when people are
11:01
Speaker 1: able to not take themselves so seriously, especially in our industry,
11:05
Speaker 1: because it's it's a byproduct, right, you have to take
11:08
Speaker 1: yourself seriously at times if you want to get serious
11:10
Speaker 1: about working, or you want to get serious about accomplishing
11:12
Speaker 1: whatever your goals may be, So to take yourself seriously
11:17
Speaker 1: and also at the same time not take yourself seriously
11:19
Speaker 1: enough that you can't expose the shortcomings or the embarrassments
11:24
Speaker 1: or the self recrimination. Yeah yeah, I like to call that. Hey,
11:29
Speaker 1: I think we should take it all seriously, especially the comedy,
11:32
Speaker 1: especially the screw ups. Take them seriously, do and just
11:35
Speaker 1: own them and go, yeah, I take that, you know,
11:37
Speaker 1: the comedy of my own life seriously. Do. So let's
11:40
Speaker 1: put that up. I take the times when I eat
11:43
Speaker 1: crow or follow my ass pretty seriously do, and let's
11:45
Speaker 1: just put that out there as well. It was it. Look,
11:48
Speaker 1: it was you've written, you put something down on a page,
11:52
Speaker 1: and you're directing, you're writing, you're the main character. It's cleansing,
12:00
Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of. It clears up a lot
12:02
Speaker 1: of things. I found out that I remembered a lot
12:05
Speaker 1: more than I gave myself credit for. Meaning. I saw
12:09
Speaker 1: things that I wrote down when I was fifteen, twenty
12:11
Speaker 1: twenty five and was going like, oh, you're essentially the
12:14
Speaker 1: same guy, the same person. You've evolved, I believe, I
12:18
Speaker 1: hope so McConaughey, but you're essentially the same person. Oh
12:21
Speaker 1: you do remember that. Even though I always like to
12:23
Speaker 1: see this, I write things down so I can forget
12:24
Speaker 1: them so they'll be there. You never do that at
12:27
Speaker 1: the dinner table, and I know when I'll pull out
12:29
Speaker 1: my phone and I always have to go, hey, I'm
12:31
Speaker 1: not writing somebody else that's not here. I'm actually writing
12:33
Speaker 1: a note of something you just said. And then I'll
12:35
Speaker 1: show it to you and to go, Chelsea, did you
12:36
Speaker 1: say that? And you're like, yeah, I did. I'm writing
12:39
Speaker 1: that down so I can forget it and be present
12:42
Speaker 1: in the situation again, because if I don't write it down,
12:45
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be thinking the whole dinner. Don't forget that thing,
12:47
Speaker 1: she said. Don't forget that thing, she shaid. And so
12:50
Speaker 1: there was a lot of freedom for me in writing
12:53
Speaker 1: the damn thing and putting it out there. Matthew, are
12:55
Speaker 1: you sitting in front of two flags right now? Yes,
12:59
Speaker 1: we have an American flag and a Texas flag. I
13:02
Speaker 1: love it country, I love it well. You were supposed
13:05
Speaker 1: to become the governor of Texas at some point, right
13:07
Speaker 1: all this is supposed to become. I considered considered getting
13:10
Speaker 1: in that run and then decided no, not for you, No, no, no,
13:14
Speaker 1: I don't think that's where I can be most useful.
13:16
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm having too good. At a time, I
13:18
Speaker 1: got three kids fourteen, thirteen, ten and the adventures were
13:21
Speaker 1: going on. I'm not going to get them again. And
13:25
Speaker 1: right now I'm enjoying being a dad, family man. Everyone
13:30
Speaker 1: says it, but it's true. I got seven more years
13:33
Speaker 1: and then they're out on their own, hopefully. And then
13:35
Speaker 1: everyone says, get what you can while that weather in
13:38
Speaker 1: the house, because it doesn't come back. You don't get
13:40
Speaker 1: the time again. Yeah. Well, one of the things that
13:41
Speaker 1: you talk about very emphatically in your book is becoming
13:45
Speaker 1: a father. That was one of the one thing you
13:46
Speaker 1: knew about yourself, you say, is that you knew you
13:49
Speaker 1: wanted to be a father. And that's also a very
13:51
Speaker 1: nice thing to hear a man say, to be that
13:53
Speaker 1: passionate about it. And when you talk about your family,
13:57
Speaker 1: it feels like, you know, we have our first nature,
13:59
Speaker 1: our personality that we're born with, and then we have
14:01
Speaker 1: our second nature, our experiences and the people who raise
14:04
Speaker 1: us and your family sounds a fucking fun and be
14:09
Speaker 1: like you'll never get away from them for your life.
14:12
Speaker 1: You are part of that ecosystem. Yeah, and that had
14:17
Speaker 1: had such such a huge influence on you. Your father,
14:20
Speaker 1: your values, your morals, your mother, everything that you've been through,
14:24
Speaker 1: and now as a parent, to try and redistribute that right,
14:28
Speaker 1: that wealth of knowledge, but in a better way. I'm assuming, right,
14:32
Speaker 1: you think you can do almost a better job trying.
14:35
Speaker 1: How is that going for you? I'm happy that I
14:38
Speaker 1: think it's going pretty well. Not making straight a's, but
14:41
Speaker 1: I think it's going pretty well. I've got some considerate children.
14:46
Speaker 1: Hopefully they can get out of the house confident, having
14:48
Speaker 1: an idea of who the hell they are and who
14:49
Speaker 1: they're not. Hopefully they can be conscientious. We'd i'd like
14:53
Speaker 1: to talk about being a renaissance man or renaissance woman
14:56
Speaker 1: to my daughter, but hey, you know, surfing them morning,
15:00
Speaker 1: conduct the the orchestra at night, be able to go
15:04
Speaker 1: from shirtless and no shoes in the mud to a
15:07
Speaker 1: to a tuxedo on the same day and feel at
15:09
Speaker 1: home in both those places. We're filling their passports, which,
15:13
Speaker 1: as you know, I think is one of one of
15:15
Speaker 1: the best resumes someone can have. You see a full passport,
15:18
Speaker 1: you've got a pretty good idea that that person has
15:21
Speaker 1: some wisdom of how the world works and how humanity rolls.
15:24
Speaker 1: You know, we got, like I said, fourteen thirteen, ten,
15:28
Speaker 1: we're just getting into those teen years. That's a whole
15:30
Speaker 1: new roller coaster. You know, more rhyme, no less reason.
15:35
Speaker 1: And then when you have kids, I noticed or early on,
15:37
Speaker 1: that it's more DNA than I thought, meaning I thought
15:40
Speaker 1: it was before I had kids. I thought it was
15:42
Speaker 1: more the second thing environment, culture, what you're raised around.
15:46
Speaker 1: And I noticed early on that, oh, these these these
15:48
Speaker 1: young people are who they are. I can shepherd them,
15:51
Speaker 1: I can nudge them, I can put in front of
15:53
Speaker 1: them what lights their fire and try to keep them
15:55
Speaker 1: from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that, they
15:58
Speaker 1: are who they are. And so I've had to you know,
16:02
Speaker 1: I use this line when it comes to discipline in
16:04
Speaker 1: the family. I'm gonna treat you all fairly, but I'm
16:06
Speaker 1: not gonna treat you all the same. And it's a
16:08
Speaker 1: pretty fun one. We have a good time with the
16:10
Speaker 1: fourteen and thirteen. I'm getting to that age where I'm
16:12
Speaker 1: starting to become their buddy a little bit, which is cool,
16:15
Speaker 1: meaning like my daughter a callmeo're and go, hey, why
16:18
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about this thing, and
16:19
Speaker 1: we can just talk where I'm not teaching, I'm not
16:22
Speaker 1: talking as the parent, we're just jiving where my son
16:24
Speaker 1: can go flipped on like an NPR the other day
16:28
Speaker 1: and didn't want to listen to music, want to listen
16:29
Speaker 1: to I'm at fourteen. I'm like, God, and what do
16:32
Speaker 1: you get out of this? This this talk? He's listening
16:34
Speaker 1: to podcast and stuff. I'm going, okay, okay. So I'm
16:38
Speaker 1: becoming buddies with the older two right now, which is nice. Yeah.
16:41
Speaker 1: I think that's the thing that's always has scared me
16:43
Speaker 1: about parenting is having to be a teacher for so long.
16:45
Speaker 1: That always has been like, oh God, so many questions
16:48
Speaker 1: that I probably don't have the accurate answers too well.
16:51
Speaker 1: And the other thing is you get that thing that
16:53
Speaker 1: happens as parents is they'll ask you that question. Like,
16:57
Speaker 1: for instance, I got one of the book where my
16:58
Speaker 1: eldest son comes to me and goes, why is before
17:00
Speaker 1: Camilla and I were married? He comes to being goes,
17:02
Speaker 1: why is it? Mama? On McConaughey, Well, those are those
17:05
Speaker 1: questions where as a parent, you go, I better have
17:06
Speaker 1: a fucking good answer for this because what I say
17:10
Speaker 1: right now is going to be branded in their mind.
17:12
Speaker 1: Or they ask you a big world question and you
17:15
Speaker 1: go as a parent, and you may be tired, you
17:18
Speaker 1: may have had a couple of drinks, it's late at night,
17:20
Speaker 1: and you go like, whoops, I better have a good
17:22
Speaker 1: answer for this one, because what I say right now
17:25
Speaker 1: they're going to remember forever. Oh and a good answer. Well,
17:28
Speaker 1: the good parenting is actually going and finding that answer,
17:31
Speaker 1: which resulted in you marrying your wife, right, because how'd
17:35
Speaker 1: he not posited that question to you? Who knows when
17:37
Speaker 1: you guys would have gotten married if maybe ever or
17:39
Speaker 1: not ever might have sat there and day and neutral
17:44
Speaker 1: and not set a date. But that did give me
17:46
Speaker 1: a kick in the backside to go, you know what,
17:49
Speaker 1: everything's going great right now, but let's couldn't take this
17:51
Speaker 1: to another level and started start a new commitment and
17:54
Speaker 1: adventure together. Yeah, okay, Well, with this book has led
17:57
Speaker 1: to a very unexpected event, probably unexpected for you two
18:01
Speaker 1: to a certain degree. You're doing a live event with
18:04
Speaker 1: Tony Robbins and some other people, Tony Robbins being probably
18:08
Speaker 1: the most notable one. And it's called the Art of Living.
18:12
Speaker 1: So let's talk about it. What are you gonna be
18:14
Speaker 1: on the end? Because life's a verb, that's right, Yeah,
18:18
Speaker 1: that's how we say it now not living. Yeah, So
18:23
Speaker 1: that Tony and Dean read the book like the approach
18:28
Speaker 1: and came to me and said, look, it's a great
18:30
Speaker 1: approach book. Do you want to dig deeper and maybe
18:33
Speaker 1: make it more show the process so people can more
18:36
Speaker 1: personally may have some transformation. And I was like, I'd
18:38
Speaker 1: love to And they're great at that. So that's what
18:42
Speaker 1: we're gonna do. On April twenty fourth. We're gonna go
18:44
Speaker 1: live the two of them, myself, Trent Shelton, Mary for Lele,
18:48
Speaker 1: and we're gonna get under the hood of green lights
18:51
Speaker 1: to how share how you can if anyone out there
18:54
Speaker 1: can make it personal to their lives, how they can
18:56
Speaker 1: we can understand if we're at a green light, our
19:00
Speaker 1: highway of life, you know, when things are rolling and
19:02
Speaker 1: we can't do no wrong, how do we trust that
19:05
Speaker 1: green light that it's one that's gonna that that's one
19:07
Speaker 1: that's gonna last longer and feed us for longer. What
19:11
Speaker 1: do we do it a yellow light? Those pauses in
19:13
Speaker 1: life where we're like, I gotta I gotta hit him,
19:15
Speaker 1: my giddy up a little bit, I gotta reconsider. What
19:18
Speaker 1: do we do? We do we pause and have a
19:20
Speaker 1: look over our shoulder and go, I'm gonna have a
19:22
Speaker 1: look for the first time. Why I keep stepping in
19:24
Speaker 1: that same pile of shit? Or do we say no,
19:27
Speaker 1: I'm gonna blow this. I'm gonna put the pedal to
19:29
Speaker 1: the metal and blow this yellow light life because I'm
19:31
Speaker 1: not gonna give the crisis credit because what comes after
19:33
Speaker 1: the yell ight the red light, and that's the big
19:35
Speaker 1: crisis is like pain, loss, Things suck, They feel like
19:39
Speaker 1: that ends. I have learned, and I think it's true
19:42
Speaker 1: for everybody that there is a gift in those red lights.
19:46
Speaker 1: I'm sure y'all getting in times your life for like
19:49
Speaker 1: there is nothing I can get this is this just sucks.
19:53
Speaker 1: There's no lesson in this when you're in it, and
19:55
Speaker 1: then later on go, oh I did get something from
19:58
Speaker 1: that red light. Oh there was a gift in that.
20:01
Speaker 1: So we're gonna get under the hood of all that
20:02
Speaker 1: to make that practical for people to go, how do
20:06
Speaker 1: I assess my green, yellow, and reds in life? We're
20:09
Speaker 1: going to talk about defining more. You know, you hear
20:13
Speaker 1: it all the time people, I want more, I want more,
20:15
Speaker 1: but we kind of we we forget to say more.
20:17
Speaker 1: What you know, it's like we want to be relevant,
20:20
Speaker 1: relevant for what define our more. First admits some truths,
20:25
Speaker 1: admit some lives that we that we tell, and we
20:28
Speaker 1: believe in our lives, so we can kind of be
20:31
Speaker 1: more ourselves. Which you've done a really great job of that, Chelsea.
20:36
Speaker 1: I mean you've gone and said it seems from the
20:38
Speaker 1: outside that you've done a really good job of being yourself.
20:41
Speaker 1: So by hook or by crook, whether what you put
20:43
Speaker 1: out considered works or doesn't is seen or sales or doesn't,
20:48
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well,
20:50
Speaker 1: I sold out and I took a chance and I
20:51
Speaker 1: was somebody I wasn't And that always feels better, I
20:55
Speaker 1: know for me, and I think it does for everybody.
20:57
Speaker 1: If you can do something authentically as you're self, if
21:00
Speaker 1: it works out, hell yeah great. But if it doesn't,
21:04
Speaker 1: you don't feel like like you settled out to try
21:07
Speaker 1: and sell something on ourselves. So we're going to talk
21:10
Speaker 1: about all those kind of things and try to make
21:12
Speaker 1: them practical transformation for people. Yeah, I related to so
21:15
Speaker 1: much of everything that you wrote in the book because
21:17
Speaker 1: you have honored yourself in so many different ways in
21:20
Speaker 1: your career. And your personal life with your relationship with
21:22
Speaker 1: your family, and that honor or, that kind of self value,
21:26
Speaker 1: self honor, self respect and respect for others, because I
21:29
Speaker 1: don't really think you can respect other people until you
21:31
Speaker 1: truly respect yourself, right, And I think that the way
21:36
Speaker 1: that you've demonstrate in the book, like the times were like,
21:38
Speaker 1: as one example, just walking away from romantic comedies, which
21:42
Speaker 1: was a fruitful and money and everything that you could
21:45
Speaker 1: ask for that would make a regular person, would make
21:49
Speaker 1: them think that they could be happy and exist on
21:50
Speaker 1: that for the rest of their life, eating popcorn and
21:52
Speaker 1: not desiring anything beyond that popcorn. And you said no,
21:55
Speaker 1: and you were offered lots of money, and you still
21:57
Speaker 1: said no, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not doing that.
22:00
Speaker 1: And you waited and you waited. And I think the
22:03
Speaker 1: key ingredient for so many people who want to take risks,
22:06
Speaker 1: who don't think they have the courage or the balls
22:09
Speaker 1: or whatever you want to call it, is because it's
22:12
Speaker 1: just patience, you know, it's really it takes balls, but
22:16
Speaker 1: it takes patience and knowing that you have to trust yourself,
22:21
Speaker 1: knowing that you are the person that you can trust. Yeah,
22:25
Speaker 1: can you believe in those times that time is actually
22:28
Speaker 1: on your side. WHOA, it's tough, yes, man. And then
22:33
Speaker 1: we make these plans and then you have babies that
22:36
Speaker 1: you have to support and they're going Or I have
22:40
Speaker 1: a friend who's like to get it planned out. At
22:42
Speaker 1: thirty I'm going to meet the woman for me. At
22:44
Speaker 1: thirty five, I'll be married and have kids. At forty,
22:46
Speaker 1: they'll be here thirty. He didn't meet the girl thirty five,
22:49
Speaker 1: he didn't have the family. He's started getting anxious, you know.
22:53
Speaker 1: I write about it in the book. Before I met Camilla,
22:56
Speaker 1: I was on the hunt. I was looking for the
22:58
Speaker 1: possibility of my mate at every red light, in every
23:01
Speaker 1: produce section, there's an angle maybe. And I was trying.
23:05
Speaker 1: I was not being myself. I was not content with
23:09
Speaker 1: myself to be patient. And then once I became that
23:13
Speaker 1: man and sat back and trusted and was patient that, hey,
23:17
Speaker 1: I don't have to keep looking I find it. If
23:19
Speaker 1: I quit looking so hard, well, that's when she showed up.
23:23
Speaker 1: I mean, with the career that two years that I
23:25
Speaker 1: took off, I got wobbley. I like to say it.
23:28
Speaker 1: That old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on
23:30
Speaker 1: the counter. I started looking a little bit better. Earlier
23:32
Speaker 1: in the day, I was like, I would like a purpose.
23:35
Speaker 1: I didn't have significance. I was like, what am I doing.
23:38
Speaker 1: I considered other vocations, like maybe maybe I wrote a
23:41
Speaker 1: one way ticket out of Hollywood. I gotta find another job,
23:44
Speaker 1: another career, and I hung in there. Luckily I had
23:48
Speaker 1: Camilla by my side, sitting are going like, this is
23:50
Speaker 1: non negotiable. We made this choice, and we know it's
23:54
Speaker 1: true to your soul, so we're not going back. And
23:56
Speaker 1: there was never a choice of going back, but it was.
24:00
Speaker 1: It was spooky. And then all of a sudden that
24:03
Speaker 1: patience paid off. All of a sudden, I was gone
24:06
Speaker 1: from Hollywood enough to become a new good idea for
24:09
Speaker 1: the JOm as I wanted to do, and the phone
24:11
Speaker 1: rang for that, and all of a sudden went and
24:13
Speaker 1: did all the things that I'd been wanting to do
24:15
Speaker 1: that that the Hollywood was not offering me years before. Yeah,
24:19
Speaker 1: we got the reconnaissance. Yeah, the reconnaissance. That's great. Is
24:23
Speaker 1: that a term? Oh? No, I wish I had People
24:28
Speaker 1: magazine or something. I would tell you the story about that. No,
24:31
Speaker 1: tell us, get this out. He jeez. It was some
24:37
Speaker 1: self marketing. So I'm gonna tell you ride. And I
24:42
Speaker 1: think I was there with a movie. I had done
24:44
Speaker 1: Mud and something else, and uh, the guy in this
24:47
Speaker 1: interview was going, I mean you're you're like, oh, really,
24:50
Speaker 1: you're on a roll right now. Man, you did this
24:52
Speaker 1: and this this, it's like it needs a name or something.
24:55
Speaker 1: I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this
24:57
Speaker 1: guy a minute ago and he actually called it the macconnaiss.
25:02
Speaker 1: I threw it out there right and he goes, Manassan,
25:05
Speaker 1: I love that. You like that. I go, yeah, it
25:07
Speaker 1: sounds good, man. So I snuck it. Then some abish
25:10
Speaker 1: it didn't stick. I made that up in one interview,
25:15
Speaker 1: and it stuck. It gave it a little a little
25:17
Speaker 1: song title, a little album. I like the idea of
25:19
Speaker 1: coining a phrase about yourself. I like that a lot.
25:23
Speaker 1: I'm also like, most people can't give themselves a nickname,
25:26
Speaker 1: but now you deserve beyond stuck. Get I got the
25:29
Speaker 1: I got the wink. Yeah, I love it. Okay, Well, Matthew,
25:32
Speaker 1: first let me ask you something before we start with
25:34
Speaker 1: our callers. Have you been to therapy? No? Wow, I
25:39
Speaker 1: have not been to therapy. I got nothing against therapy,
25:42
Speaker 1: you know, I was writing about this yesterday. So we
25:44
Speaker 1: go to therapy, and again I got nothing against it.
25:47
Speaker 1: I've seen it really work for people, and I might
25:49
Speaker 1: want to go and need to go later in my life.
25:52
Speaker 1: But we go to therapy, and we learned to get
25:53
Speaker 1: objective about ourselves, right. We go to therapy and we
25:56
Speaker 1: learned to see, like, hey, or who we think we are,
25:58
Speaker 1: what we're actually putting out is what we're putting out there?
26:01
Speaker 1: Is that what the world's receiving or is there a
26:03
Speaker 1: big gap between those? You know what I mean? Are
26:06
Speaker 1: we living a life where the rubber meets the road.
26:09
Speaker 1: And it's great because you get an objective sort of
26:11
Speaker 1: third eye, a Google eye to the world of what
26:14
Speaker 1: we're doing. But I do think we have to watch
26:18
Speaker 1: with too much objectivity of awareness of like, well, how
26:23
Speaker 1: is what we're doing landing? Well, how is it being
26:27
Speaker 1: is it being received? We have to watch because it's
26:30
Speaker 1: good if it leads us back to being more subjective.
26:34
Speaker 1: Meaning what's great is when you just you're you're not
26:36
Speaker 1: even being objective of all, You're just being the subject
26:39
Speaker 1: in your life and you're just doing it and it
26:40
Speaker 1: happens to be reciprocating that's green lights in life. You know,
26:43
Speaker 1: that's great when it rolls that way and we all
26:47
Speaker 1: need to hop back and go, hey, let's be considerate
26:49
Speaker 1: and have a little check out context to the situation.
26:52
Speaker 1: That's that awareness of objectivity. But I do think we
26:55
Speaker 1: have to watch the rabbit hole of going and trying
26:57
Speaker 1: to be too objective for too long that we forget
27:00
Speaker 1: to be the subjects in our life. So if therapy
27:04
Speaker 1: leads us back to being a better subject, a better
27:06
Speaker 1: a better individual without being sort of eating conscious of
27:10
Speaker 1: what we're doing or what we're what we're doing, how
27:13
Speaker 1: it's landing, I think it's I think it's very helpful. Yeah,
27:16
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, because when you have too
27:18
Speaker 1: much self awareness, it's almost like you're not even in
27:21
Speaker 1: the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing and how
27:25
Speaker 1: it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle I
27:28
Speaker 1: had coming out of therapy. I'm like, fuck, I mean,
27:30
Speaker 1: when am I going to be able to go back
27:31
Speaker 1: to me instead of making sure I'm making sure everyone's
27:35
Speaker 1: okay around my behavior? It can just be paralysis of
27:39
Speaker 1: analysis almost. It can immobilize us, you know, I mean look,
27:43
Speaker 1: I got a mother who ninety one, and she's a
27:49
Speaker 1: great example of the value of denial if you actually
27:52
Speaker 1: commit to it, okay, if you really commit to it.
27:57
Speaker 1: And look, she's not shallow. She's not a yellow person.
28:01
Speaker 1: But I asked her about four years ago because she's
28:03
Speaker 1: wild ass, rebel, outlaw, and she was doing all these
28:07
Speaker 1: things that were the opposite of what she had raised
28:09
Speaker 1: me and my two brothers to do. We're like, I
28:11
Speaker 1: was like, mom, come on, no one forgives you themselves
28:15
Speaker 1: quicker than you. I was like, don't you have anything
28:16
Speaker 1: at the end of the night, we like you go, oh,
28:18
Speaker 1: I need to do that better. I need to work
28:20
Speaker 1: on that. And she was like, oh, honey. Every night
28:23
Speaker 1: I go through a mental list twenty five things, the
28:26
Speaker 1: things that I could do better, things that I want
28:28
Speaker 1: to improve on. I go, ah, okay, good, she goes,
28:31
Speaker 1: you know, Matthew. But the thing is, when I wake
28:33
Speaker 1: up in the morning, I forgot him all And she
28:37
Speaker 1: just rolls like that. And like I said, she's not shallow,
28:41
Speaker 1: but she's there's a beauty in her inconsideration. What bruises
28:46
Speaker 1: others tickles her, and she is proof that there's a
28:49
Speaker 1: loophole in the Golden rule doing others you'd haven'm doing
28:52
Speaker 1: to you. Well, not everyone wants to do what you
28:54
Speaker 1: want to do, but she just ninety one. She just rolls,
28:57
Speaker 1: and she's been doing that kind of all her life.
28:59
Speaker 1: And it's pretty awesome to see that simplicity because she's
29:01
Speaker 1: not objective at all. She takes no context. She has
29:06
Speaker 1: a lack of consideration, and it could be a real
29:08
Speaker 1: pain in the ass sometimes, but ninety percent of the time,
29:11
Speaker 1: it's like, go girl, no, get it, keep doing what
29:14
Speaker 1: you're doing. Yeah, she's a real renegade, as your father
29:18
Speaker 1: was as well. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, So on not note.
29:22
Speaker 1: We are going to Catherine. You're going to teach up
29:24
Speaker 1: what we have in store for Matthew today. Absolutely, we've
29:28
Speaker 1: got some crises of conscience in here. We've got some
29:31
Speaker 1: confidence issues, some what am I doing next in my life? Okay,
29:35
Speaker 1: So we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back,
29:42
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're bad. Well. Our first question comes
29:48
Speaker 1: from Sage. Sage says, Dear Chelsea, I am desperate for
29:53
Speaker 1: your help. I feel like I've been stuck in this
29:55
Speaker 1: identity crisis for years. I've lost sight of not only
29:59
Speaker 1: who I am, but what's important to me. I feel
30:02
Speaker 1: like I spend every day going through the motions, then
30:04
Speaker 1: all of a sudden years have passed. I came to
30:07
Speaker 1: the realization the other day that I don't actually enjoy
30:09
Speaker 1: my life. I just get through the days. I feel
30:12
Speaker 1: like I'm waiting for that light bulb moment or some
30:15
Speaker 1: type of epiphany to wake me up. But I also
30:18
Speaker 1: understand that's not realistic. How do I start enjoying life again,
30:22
Speaker 1: liking who I am, not caring what others think, taking chances,
30:26
Speaker 1: and living a life of happiness and purpose. I suppose
30:29
Speaker 1: I don't even know where to start. I'm twenty seven now,
30:32
Speaker 1: and I know that I'm wasting my youth being lost,
30:34
Speaker 1: and I don't want any more excuses. I'm ready to
30:36
Speaker 1: live a life I'm proud of and that's true to me.
30:39
Speaker 1: But how do I figure out what that is? Thanks
30:41
Speaker 1: an advanced stage. I'm gonna let Matthew take this from
30:44
Speaker 1: the top because he seems to be on a real role,
30:46
Speaker 1: and then I'll follow up after. I just want to
30:49
Speaker 1: say everyone feels like this at some point in their life,
30:51
Speaker 1: if not multiple times in their life, so just know,
30:54
Speaker 1: ay that this is not uncommon and you are not alone. Matthew,
30:58
Speaker 1: why don't you go first? Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea,
31:02
Speaker 1: because that is such we bypass that as far as
31:06
Speaker 1: helping somebody out by going hey, just to know it's
31:10
Speaker 1: not a singular experience. Just to know that, oh, hey,
31:14
Speaker 1: me too, helps so much sort of just flattens the
31:18
Speaker 1: everything and takes the air out of the pressure. So
31:20
Speaker 1: way to start that office saying hey, you're not alone. Look,
31:23
Speaker 1: I'd say this a lot of this. We all want
31:26
Speaker 1: to talk about who am I, what's my purpose? What
31:29
Speaker 1: am I going to do? And we're trying to look
31:32
Speaker 1: for that first. Don't look for that first, start with
31:36
Speaker 1: something much easier. Because knowing who you are is fucking hard.
31:40
Speaker 1: Knowing who you're not is easier. So start off with
31:43
Speaker 1: the process of elimination. Start eliminating the things in your life,
31:47
Speaker 1: stags that don't pay you back, the people, the places,
31:51
Speaker 1: the things that you're doing. What did you eat, drink,
31:53
Speaker 1: whatever your habits that you know what. They may feel
31:56
Speaker 1: good at the moment, but the next day they kind
31:58
Speaker 1: of give you a hangover, or they didn't pay you back.
32:00
Speaker 1: You were in the debit section the next day, or
32:02
Speaker 1: you felt like less after you left that group of
32:05
Speaker 1: friends that maybe talked about certain things that well, maybe
32:08
Speaker 1: we're funny at the time, it made you feel like
32:09
Speaker 1: a heel when you left. Start eliminating those things. So
32:12
Speaker 1: by process of elimination, when we get rid of the
32:15
Speaker 1: things in our life that don't pay us back, that
32:17
Speaker 1: don't feed more of who we are by sheer mathematics,
32:21
Speaker 1: you end up with more room for the things that
32:23
Speaker 1: will feed you and we'll pay you back. Line up
32:25
Speaker 1: in front of you. So start with eliminating who you're
32:28
Speaker 1: not to get to who you are. Yeah, I like
32:30
Speaker 1: that a lot. I also would like to say, you know,
32:33
Speaker 1: when you're having all these kinds of feelings that aren't
32:37
Speaker 1: giving you positive vibes, right, the important thing, I think
32:40
Speaker 1: the first thing that you need to do is learn
32:42
Speaker 1: how to get really still and get really quiet so
32:45
Speaker 1: that you can understand exactly what your desires are and
32:49
Speaker 1: what and how you want to You know what makes
32:51
Speaker 1: you excited, what gets your heart rate up, what gives
32:55
Speaker 1: you excitement When you think about fashion, or do you
32:58
Speaker 1: think about television, or you think about like what is
33:01
Speaker 1: your retail whatever it is, there's no judgment on it.
33:06
Speaker 1: It's whatever your desire is, what draws your attention, what
33:09
Speaker 1: keeps you interested, what helps you stay focused when you're
33:13
Speaker 1: on that subject matter, Like, those are the things that
33:16
Speaker 1: you need to find out about yourself, and the way
33:18
Speaker 1: to do that is to really kind of go within.
33:21
Speaker 1: You have to be still with yourself. You have to
33:23
Speaker 1: give yourself like space and time to be quiet, to
33:27
Speaker 1: not have noise around you, to not have influence around you,
33:31
Speaker 1: to really sit down with a book, sit down by yourself,
33:35
Speaker 1: sit down to reflect, to meditate, however you want to
33:38
Speaker 1: frame that. But it's about the inner desires because your
33:41
Speaker 1: body will speak to you. You will speak to yourself
33:43
Speaker 1: when you've given the time to do that, Like it's
33:46
Speaker 1: a matter of self respect in a way, you're allowing
33:48
Speaker 1: your body and your mind to tell you what they want.
33:51
Speaker 1: And this is all going to sound very spiritual and
33:53
Speaker 1: big worldy to you if you haven't done this yet,
33:55
Speaker 1: But I promise you, if you make this a practice
33:58
Speaker 1: of just trying to get in touch with yourself, there
34:01
Speaker 1: will be a voice inside your head that is on
34:03
Speaker 1: your team, that is going to direct you and tell you,
34:06
Speaker 1: just like there's always a voice telling you that you're
34:08
Speaker 1: not good enough, that you're not smart enough, that you're
34:10
Speaker 1: not brave enough. There's a voice, your real voice, that
34:13
Speaker 1: is centered, that will guide you, and you have to
34:16
Speaker 1: trust that that intuition, that self, knowing it's there for
34:20
Speaker 1: each one of us. And the only times we get
34:22
Speaker 1: separated from that voice is when we're not focused and
34:26
Speaker 1: we're not centered. And it's easy to disengage, but it's
34:29
Speaker 1: it's easy also to get back on the track. You know,
34:32
Speaker 1: it's not It doesn't take that as much as you
34:35
Speaker 1: think it's going to take. And obviously I can't tell
34:38
Speaker 1: you what your purpose is. You're going to have to
34:39
Speaker 1: find out what your purpose is for yourself. But the
34:42
Speaker 1: more time you spend with yourself with less noise around you,
34:46
Speaker 1: the more in tune you're going to get with yourself
34:48
Speaker 1: and you're going to understand what you need to do
34:51
Speaker 1: to move the ball forward in a direction that's going
34:53
Speaker 1: to make you excited about your life. And also understand
34:57
Speaker 1: that you're not always going to be excited about your life,
35:00
Speaker 1: but you want to be optimistic about your life, and
35:02
Speaker 1: you want to be you know, challenging yourself and going
35:05
Speaker 1: to new areas and doing things that scare you or
35:08
Speaker 1: that you can't and taking risks. You know, all of
35:10
Speaker 1: these things are part of the equation. So I would
35:13
Speaker 1: start by doing that. You know, if it's a meditation,
35:16
Speaker 1: then make it a meditation. But give yourself some time
35:18
Speaker 1: each morning or each day whenever you can, twenty minutes
35:22
Speaker 1: and just be still and sit in a garden or
35:25
Speaker 1: buy trees in nature and just sit with yourself, and
35:30
Speaker 1: you're gonna come up with more answers than you would
35:31
Speaker 1: ever even believe that twenty minutes if you hadn't done it.
35:35
Speaker 1: It feels like hours when you first start. But don't
35:39
Speaker 1: pull a parachute. Don't back out. What Chelsea's saying is right.
35:42
Speaker 1: Stick with it. It gets easier and easier. But when
35:45
Speaker 1: you first do it, you will not like the company.
35:47
Speaker 1: Every time I go off on one, I do not
35:49
Speaker 1: like the company. I cannot stand the dialogue that's going
35:53
Speaker 1: on mad, But be stick with it through that time.
35:56
Speaker 1: What do you end up realize? You realize that you're
35:58
Speaker 1: the best company and you're the only company that can't
36:01
Speaker 1: get rid of them. So we've been trying to freaking
36:03
Speaker 1: it alone. Yeah, yeah, totally so fun. It's so true,
36:08
Speaker 1: it's so fucking true. I mean, I can't tell you
36:10
Speaker 1: how noisy my life was for so long until I
36:13
Speaker 1: did this and I hated the company. I was like,
36:16
Speaker 1: you're so annoying this this, and then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
36:20
Speaker 1: I only want to hang out with you, like you're
36:22
Speaker 1: the best company. You know, even when I go skiing. Now,
36:26
Speaker 1: I'm like, I try not to let my friends know.
36:27
Speaker 1: Like when I'm in my skis, I try not to
36:29
Speaker 1: let my friends know because I want at least a
36:31
Speaker 1: few runs by myself. And they can never understand why
36:34
Speaker 1: I want to ski alone. I'm like, because it's fucking
36:37
Speaker 1: more fun to be by myself sometimes than to be
36:39
Speaker 1: around other people. So anyway, start doing that stage stage right. Yes, yes,
36:45
Speaker 1: keep in touch with us and connect with us. And
36:48
Speaker 1: when you've had a little bit of an awakening, I
36:50
Speaker 1: guarantee you it's coming. Just have faith in the knowledge
36:53
Speaker 1: of yourself and just start practicing some alone time and
36:56
Speaker 1: real thoughtfulness, and I promise you you're gonna get where
36:59
Speaker 1: you want to go. Yeah. Absolutely, Like this is what
37:02
Speaker 1: happens at times in your life, but especially when you're
37:04
Speaker 1: twenty seven. Like twenty seven, everybody feels this way, because
37:07
Speaker 1: you're in this like crucks between the young adulthood that
37:11
Speaker 1: you've just been in and like adult adulthood, and it's
37:14
Speaker 1: just a weird flection point where you feel so much change.
37:17
Speaker 1: And I think all the sevens are like that. Twenty seven,
37:20
Speaker 1: thirty seven, forty seven, there's something about and I think
37:23
Speaker 1: in Judaism, yeah, seven is a number where pivotal things happen.
37:28
Speaker 1: So it's all good run towards it. It's all good
37:31
Speaker 1: exciting because new things are going to happen. Yep. Well,
37:35
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Sean. Sean says, dear Chelsea.
37:40
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty seven year old flight attendant from Kansas City, Missouri.
37:43
Speaker 1: It goes without saying that I am, of course gay.
37:47
Speaker 1: I've been a flight attendant for five years and people
37:49
Speaker 1: always say, oh, what a dream job, or that's what
37:52
Speaker 1: you were meant to do. I enjoy the perks of
37:54
Speaker 1: my job, but have you met people? I have to
37:56
Speaker 1: deal with almost three hundred of them for eight hours
37:59
Speaker 1: inside in a loop. Can no one dreams about that? Sure,
38:03
Speaker 1: being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great, but I
38:06
Speaker 1: know this is not viable for the long term. I've
38:08
Speaker 1: thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot, but
38:11
Speaker 1: that still feels like settling. Several years ago, some friends
38:14
Speaker 1: who did stand up informed me that I was funny.
38:17
Speaker 1: I legitimately had no idea due to my penchant for
38:20
Speaker 1: thinking I have no valuable skills. They asked me to
38:23
Speaker 1: do a little set at their show and I agreed. Well,
38:25
Speaker 1: I killed it. I felt like I was in the
38:27
Speaker 1: right place for the first time, they laughed when they
38:30
Speaker 1: were supposed to. They clapped. It was amazing. I did
38:33
Speaker 1: it again, and I didn't do as well, but still
38:35
Speaker 1: pretty good. Now It's been years since I've done it.
38:38
Speaker 1: Because I'm so scared of being disliked, I would be
38:41
Speaker 1: stuck doing open mic nights in Kansas City. I'm scared
38:44
Speaker 1: of not only doing poorly, but I'm also nervous about
38:47
Speaker 1: the rednecks hating me just because I'm gay. Plus I'm
38:49
Speaker 1: burnt out, so I just don't feel funny or creative.
38:52
Speaker 1: How do I move through the stress and bullshit to
38:54
Speaker 1: get back to a place where I can be funny
38:56
Speaker 1: and confident. I know I'm still young, but I would
38:59
Speaker 1: hate to look back on my life and regret never
39:01
Speaker 1: doing anything that was actually difficult I just finished your
39:04
Speaker 1: special Revolution, available now on Netflix, and it just solidified
39:08
Speaker 1: that I want to do what you do, Chelsea. I
39:10
Speaker 1: want to make people laugh and find a way to
39:12
Speaker 1: find humor in this craziness. Thank you for being you,
39:15
Speaker 1: and I promise you really are changing the world. Sean Hi,
39:19
Speaker 1: Sean hi Hi. Our special guest today is Matthew mccataughey.
39:23
Speaker 1: What a tree. Oh my gosh, Hi, Bucky am I
39:28
Speaker 1: I know, I know. Look how cute you look too?
39:30
Speaker 1: How are you? My god? Thank you so much? Get
39:34
Speaker 1: this gorgeous hair. I'm great. How are you guys? Yeah,
39:38
Speaker 1: I'm great. You've met Catherine obviously, this is I'm my
39:40
Speaker 1: co host. Well, it's nice to meet you. You too,
39:44
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm gonna go first, Matthew. Okay, I'm gonna
39:48
Speaker 1: just since this is a stand up comedy question and
39:50
Speaker 1: you just watched my special, and I've felt like you
39:53
Speaker 1: before at different times in my life where I'd had
39:56
Speaker 1: no creativity, I didn't know if I was funny, I
39:58
Speaker 1: didn't care, I didn't want to work, blah blah blah.
40:01
Speaker 1: I understand where you're feeling. You have to understand a
40:04
Speaker 1: how lucky and fortunate you are to know what lights
40:06
Speaker 1: you up. That's what every person is looking for. Our
40:09
Speaker 1: last caller was trying to find that light. You know
40:12
Speaker 1: what lights you up, you know what makes you feel
40:14
Speaker 1: something that you really want to feel in this life.
40:17
Speaker 1: And that's the biggest thing, you know what I mean?
40:19
Speaker 1: You know that now you just have to walk that
40:21
Speaker 1: avenue to get where you're going. And that's easier than
40:24
Speaker 1: you ever thought it was. Yes, you're gonna bomb, You're
40:27
Speaker 1: gonna do badly. People aren't going to always like you.
40:29
Speaker 1: That's not the point. The point isn't to get everybody
40:32
Speaker 1: to like you or to succeed all the time, because
40:34
Speaker 1: there's no growth or learning in either of those things.
40:37
Speaker 1: That's just a cherry, you know, like that's oh great,
40:39
Speaker 1: I have that moment. It also doesn't last forever. The
40:42
Speaker 1: idea is to get really just better incrementally at something,
40:46
Speaker 1: And in order to get better at something and to
40:48
Speaker 1: make a career out of it, you need to fucking
40:50
Speaker 1: start doing it. So you have to start performing. It
40:53
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if there are rednecks, it doesn't matter if
40:57
Speaker 1: there are people that don't like gay people. It doesn't matter.
41:00
Speaker 1: You know, that's even a better challenge to get the
41:02
Speaker 1: people that won't necessarily be it's predisposed to liking you
41:06
Speaker 1: to like you, you know what I mean, You're going
41:08
Speaker 1: to be surprised. A lot of those people are going
41:10
Speaker 1: to like you, and you're not going to believe it.
41:12
Speaker 1: But in order to do that, you just have to
41:14
Speaker 1: start the action. And you're a flight attendant. It's a
41:17
Speaker 1: great way to practice material on people. You have new
41:19
Speaker 1: people revolving through your door or your aluminum can, as
41:23
Speaker 1: you say, which is a very apt description. I don't
41:25
Speaker 1: know how the fuck you guys do that. But you
41:29
Speaker 1: have an audience to play with at all times, so
41:32
Speaker 1: you can be practicing your material at all times. Like
41:34
Speaker 1: you have all these advantages. I think that you're looking
41:36
Speaker 1: at as disadvantages and they're not right. That makes sense, Sean.
41:41
Speaker 1: Where Chelsea's saying you've got an audience on that aluminum can,
41:45
Speaker 1: sounds like you also have a huge source of your
41:48
Speaker 1: particular comedy. I mean you're opening question. You know, I'm attendant,
41:54
Speaker 1: I'm on alumini canists or three hundred people instead of
41:56
Speaker 1: steel can and without saying it, yes, I'm gay. That's
41:59
Speaker 1: already so I was already laughing at that, just your
42:02
Speaker 1: delivery of how you wrote the question, those three hundred people,
42:06
Speaker 1: the different idiosyncrasies or the ship they do. But she's like,
42:10
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? That sounds like great material where
42:13
Speaker 1: you're getting new material with every flight, right, So it
42:17
Speaker 1: sounds like maybe just keep an ear open for every
42:20
Speaker 1: one of those things. When you get annoyed at somebody
42:22
Speaker 1: in seventeen a clockett, Oh that's gonna be a good joke.
42:25
Speaker 1: Oh that's gonna be a good turn of phrase. Oh
42:28
Speaker 1: that's I'm gonna use that every time you get annoyed
42:31
Speaker 1: at somebody, look at him. Go how could that be funny?
42:34
Speaker 1: Or how could that that actually could be funny if
42:37
Speaker 1: I'm telling someone else because someone's gonna go, no shit,
42:39
Speaker 1: I know people do that. They're gonna go. I didn't
42:42
Speaker 1: know people do that really? Oh shit. I'm like, you've
42:44
Speaker 1: got great source material in all thirty having many rows
42:47
Speaker 1: of people, those three hundred people are sitting in. That
42:52
Speaker 1: makes sense, Matthew. Do you also have some advice on
42:55
Speaker 1: like how Sean can reclaim that confidence that he felt
42:58
Speaker 1: the first time he performed? How do you reclaim a
43:03
Speaker 1: look some of it. I'm gonna go back to what
43:04
Speaker 1: I was talking about my mom with being a queen
43:06
Speaker 1: of denial. A lot of it is. Look, I've I've
43:10
Speaker 1: had thousands of days at work where I'm not confident
43:13
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm just gonna blow through it. I'm
43:16
Speaker 1: gonna make sure one and I have to convince myself
43:19
Speaker 1: that eighty percent of me doing the job can showing
43:21
Speaker 1: up and is getting there. And I've had some of
43:24
Speaker 1: my better performances when I was not confident walking the Rangers.
43:28
Speaker 1: That's going, man, I am and then found it in
43:31
Speaker 1: the performance. But showing up and going and doing record
43:35
Speaker 1: and what Chelsea was saying, you're gonna bomb huh huh,
43:38
Speaker 1: no shit, you know you're gonna have lines of man.
43:40
Speaker 1: When I rehearsed that, it was I was right on
43:42
Speaker 1: the money. Everybody and I and I and I and
43:45
Speaker 1: I waited too long or or I got I got
43:47
Speaker 1: excited and I blew through the pause that set up
43:50
Speaker 1: the punchline. So what do it the next time? But
43:53
Speaker 1: it's just I think getting back out there and doing
43:56
Speaker 1: it and doing it the next time. I'm doing it
43:58
Speaker 1: the next time and by practice, when I find you
44:01
Speaker 1: build confidence when you start to get a little better
44:03
Speaker 1: at something you know, or when you start to feel
44:06
Speaker 1: a lot of people say I don't like what I'm doing,
44:09
Speaker 1: you can start to dig it by just purely getting
44:11
Speaker 1: better at something. It's fun to get better at something,
44:15
Speaker 1: to improve and become more competent at something you know.
44:18
Speaker 1: It's also fun to flip the script of your attitude
44:21
Speaker 1: towards it, Like your nervousness can be excitement, you know
44:24
Speaker 1: what I mean. You can be like, oh, this is great.
44:26
Speaker 1: My very first jokes were about waiting tables. When I
44:29
Speaker 1: started doing stand up because I was I got a
44:31
Speaker 1: d Y. I had to go to d Y class
44:34
Speaker 1: where they made everybody get up and give a speech
44:36
Speaker 1: about their dui. And I was so scared shitless of
44:39
Speaker 1: public speaking that I would hide in the back of
44:41
Speaker 1: the class, hoping this guy wouldn't call on me. And
44:43
Speaker 1: when he did, I got up and told my dy story.
44:45
Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old and the whole place
44:48
Speaker 1: was dying laughing, and I didn't get off stage. I
44:51
Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is fun. And then the dui
44:54
Speaker 1: guy came up. He's like, hey, listen, this isn't stand up,
44:56
Speaker 1: Like this isn't as a comedy club. Get off the stage.
44:59
Speaker 1: And everyone was like, you got to be a stand
45:00
Speaker 1: up comedian. And I was like, oh, that sounds scary,
45:03
Speaker 1: and I was like, but I guess I have to.
45:05
Speaker 1: I had what are my other options? I mean, what
45:07
Speaker 1: was I going to do? I didn't know. I just
45:08
Speaker 1: thought I had to be a public person. So I
45:11
Speaker 1: my whole material was like people asking me what the
45:14
Speaker 1: specials were and me actually saying what I wanted to
45:17
Speaker 1: say to people, you know, like, as if you're going
45:20
Speaker 1: to even remember this fucking meal in seven days, who
45:22
Speaker 1: gives a shit what the specials are? Figure something out?
45:25
Speaker 1: You know, my ass in your face is the special. Like,
45:28
Speaker 1: I just had a whole slew of material about waiting tables.
45:31
Speaker 1: You can do exactly the same thing that Matthew said
45:34
Speaker 1: to start and launch your creativity, and you're going to
45:37
Speaker 1: naturally move and flow and ebb and flow and all
45:40
Speaker 1: the things and bomb and succeed. You're going to have
45:43
Speaker 1: it all, but go into it knowing that it's a
45:45
Speaker 1: full breadth experience and don't expect everything to just go well.
45:50
Speaker 1: That's not the way we grow, right. I think that's
45:54
Speaker 1: what's scary is than not doing well. It's I think
45:58
Speaker 1: because the first time I did stand up, they introduced
46:01
Speaker 1: me and the crowd was applauding, and I got up
46:03
Speaker 1: on stage and the very first thing I said was
46:06
Speaker 1: I kind of expected that to last a little bit longer,
46:09
Speaker 1: and they like started applauding again, and I was just like,
46:11
Speaker 1: oh shit, they like they're doing what they tell them
46:14
Speaker 1: to do, and so it's like this high and I'm like,
46:17
Speaker 1: I don't want to like, what if I would have
46:19
Speaker 1: said that? And then they were just like, yeah, well
46:21
Speaker 1: it's not gonna last long, right, Yeah, But what if?
46:24
Speaker 1: Because there's there's so many millions of other people that
46:26
Speaker 1: have your desire and are doing it, do you know
46:29
Speaker 1: what I mean? Maybe not millions, but thousands definitely that
46:33
Speaker 1: are doing you. Yes. How much? How much of stand
46:36
Speaker 1: up is entertaining yourself? A lot? A lot? I mean,
46:42
Speaker 1: when you think that joke's funny by hook or by crook,
46:45
Speaker 1: f then the crowd, if they laugh or not a
46:47
Speaker 1: lot of times it becomes funnier to them because you
46:49
Speaker 1: enjoyed that joke. You think it's funny, right, Yeah, for sure,
46:53
Speaker 1: it's hard to if you don't get the reaction, it's
46:54
Speaker 1: hard to relax and go yes nobody, Yeah, clap from
47:00
Speaker 1: a center. Whatever that is. You know, I mean, how
47:03
Speaker 1: much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself. Well,
47:06
Speaker 1: a lot of it's entertaining yourself, but it's also a
47:07
Speaker 1: practice of like I tell stories all the time in
47:10
Speaker 1: my personal life, and when I see that they get
47:11
Speaker 1: a big reaction, I'm like, oh, that's a story for
47:13
Speaker 1: the stage. If you know, my stand up is very personal.
47:16
Speaker 1: Your stand up may be very joke oriented, but I
47:19
Speaker 1: think anything that comes from your personal truth is valuable
47:23
Speaker 1: to creativity. You don't want to pretend you're someone you're
47:26
Speaker 1: not you. Obviously, being a stand up relies on the
47:29
Speaker 1: audience laughing at some point. You know that is part
47:33
Speaker 1: of it. So yes, you want to get there. But
47:35
Speaker 1: you know, Matthew and I discuss this a little bit earlier.
47:37
Speaker 1: We touched on not taking yourself too seriously. You want
47:40
Speaker 1: to take everything seriously. But any moment like that is
47:45
Speaker 1: not a life altering changing moment in a negative way.
47:49
Speaker 1: It can always be a life altering changing moment in
47:51
Speaker 1: a positive way. But a moment on stage is just
47:55
Speaker 1: never going to crush you the way that you are
47:58
Speaker 1: fearing like your you're letting you yourself be led by fear. Instead,
48:04
Speaker 1: you got to be like bring it on, Like, let's
48:06
Speaker 1: bring it on. Let's get the scary parts over with.
48:09
Speaker 1: Like the sooner you get on stage, and the more
48:12
Speaker 1: you get on stage, the quicker all of that stuff
48:14
Speaker 1: is going to be out the back door. So like
48:16
Speaker 1: get moving. Yeah that makes sense, you know what I mean? Like,
48:20
Speaker 1: is there somewhere you can go do a set, like
48:21
Speaker 1: a stand up comedy club where you live? Yeah, there's
48:24
Speaker 1: a ton of places here in Kansas City that have
48:27
Speaker 1: like there's like open nights and stuff. Yeah, yeah, do it.
48:30
Speaker 1: Just start doing it. Makes you make us a commitment
48:33
Speaker 1: that you're going to do it. What this week? Next week?
48:35
Speaker 1: When can you get on stage? Yeah? I can, I
48:38
Speaker 1: can do next week? All right, make that commitment to
48:40
Speaker 1: us and yourself and go do it. Okay. I may
48:43
Speaker 1: tell you one thing that my mentor Pinealem, my greatest
48:46
Speaker 1: mentor this this woman of nineteen years told me, and
48:49
Speaker 1: it was so liberating. Where I go every day every
48:53
Speaker 1: job and then every every morning work. But I tell myself,
48:55
Speaker 1: I tell myself, can I I dare you to screw
48:58
Speaker 1: up golf? I dare you to screw up? Dare yourself
49:02
Speaker 1: to screw up. Watch how I found that I screwed
49:05
Speaker 1: up less when I dared myself to screw up, I
49:08
Speaker 1: dare you to eat shit here, it just kind of
49:10
Speaker 1: like popped the bubble and all so much pressure is off.
49:12
Speaker 1: I'll give myself right there, So try and screw up
49:15
Speaker 1: there you Okay? I like that. Yeah, even if it
49:18
Speaker 1: goes badly, it's five minutes in the beginning, so it
49:21
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Then. It's just the only thing that matters
49:24
Speaker 1: is you making the step in the right direction of
49:26
Speaker 1: what's going to really fill your soul up. And it
49:28
Speaker 1: sounds like you know what that is. Look at that
49:31
Speaker 1: as a gift instead of a negative, and just run
49:33
Speaker 1: towards it, you know. And anytime you have a bad set,
49:36
Speaker 1: that's like great, because if when you have a bad set,
49:38
Speaker 1: the next one's always the best one. I speak from experience. Yeah, okay,
49:45
Speaker 1: thanks for calling shot break a leg I mean sorry, Yeah,
49:55
Speaker 1: thank you so much. We have one other caller. Her
50:02
Speaker 1: name is Carrie, a friend of about sixteen years has
50:05
Speaker 1: recently professed his love for me. I've known he's had
50:08
Speaker 1: a crush on me for a long time. He always
50:10
Speaker 1: tells me I'm his type with his recent admission of
50:13
Speaker 1: being in love with me, I thought, sure, why not,
50:15
Speaker 1: let's try it. I warned him that he's setting himself
50:18
Speaker 1: up to get hurt and that I may never get
50:20
Speaker 1: the feelings for him he has for me, but he
50:22
Speaker 1: wants to try anyway. I told him I can't just
50:24
Speaker 1: flip a switch from friendship to relationship, so I asked
50:27
Speaker 1: him to court me, and he's been trying really hard.
50:29
Speaker 1: The trouble is he's not my type. I don't really
50:32
Speaker 1: have a strong physical attraction toward him, but the person
50:35
Speaker 1: he is and the time we spend together I love.
50:38
Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a disaster with dating and have
50:40
Speaker 1: been single most of my life. I'm forty eight. My
50:43
Speaker 1: longest relationship of three and a half years, was with
50:45
Speaker 1: a woman. Though I don't identify as a lesbian, it
50:47
Speaker 1: just felt right at the time. I don't know what
50:50
Speaker 1: it is with men. I just seem to find fault
50:52
Speaker 1: in all of them and end up breaking up with them.
50:54
Speaker 1: So Carrie told me that they dated for about a
50:57
Speaker 1: month and she finally kissed him or they and she
51:00
Speaker 1: got the ick and didn't want to continue. But I
51:04
Speaker 1: think the bigger issue that came out of the conversation
51:07
Speaker 1: is that Carrie's having trouble finding chemistry in general with
51:11
Speaker 1: other people that she's dating. So I thought we could
51:13
Speaker 1: explore that, explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's
51:16
Speaker 1: going on there. Okay, yeah, Hi Carrie. Hi, Hi there,
51:21
Speaker 1: This is Matthew McCarney. He's our special guest today. Hi. Hi,
51:25
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Hire. You know Catherine. Obviously you
51:28
Speaker 1: guys have spoken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So yeah,
51:32
Speaker 1: so she told you that it went sideways. Well you
51:36
Speaker 1: had a kiss, right, that was it? Yeah? So we
51:39
Speaker 1: dated for almost six weeks. We tried the dating thing,
51:43
Speaker 1: and he was doing because I asked him. I told
51:45
Speaker 1: him he has to court me because you know, I'm
51:48
Speaker 1: not just going to date him for no reason. And yeah,
51:51
Speaker 1: he finally asked me on Valentine's can we kiss? And
51:55
Speaker 1: I said sure, and honestly, it was like kissing a
51:59
Speaker 1: family member. Okay, Well, let's go back. You said that
52:05
Speaker 1: you have problems with intimacy with men, right, is that
52:08
Speaker 1: what you said? Is it men or you don't have
52:10
Speaker 1: problems like that with women? Well, it's not so much
52:14
Speaker 1: with all men. I'm kind of more of the I
52:17
Speaker 1: like the wine, not the label kind of thing that said.
52:20
Speaker 1: I've dated more, way more men than women, So I
52:24
Speaker 1: think with men it's just I do have some trust
52:27
Speaker 1: issues with men, so it is harder for me to
52:29
Speaker 1: get closer to them. I also find men over forty
52:33
Speaker 1: extremely needy, and that is like one of my least
52:37
Speaker 1: like I just it's so unattractive to me, so that
52:41
Speaker 1: part is hard as well. Well. I think if you
52:45
Speaker 1: have self admittingly that you have a lot of guardrails up,
52:50
Speaker 1: it's very hard to break those down. And I think
52:53
Speaker 1: that should be your number one objective right now, because
52:56
Speaker 1: I don't think you can probably clearly even kiss this
52:59
Speaker 1: guy while you're looking for excuses to not like him,
53:03
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I had the last
53:07
Speaker 1: guy I dated, I was friends with for fifteen years
53:10
Speaker 1: and was never attracted to him, And it took a
53:13
Speaker 1: long time and I did. I fell in love with him,
53:15
Speaker 1: I became attracted to him. I was couldn't even believe it,
53:19
Speaker 1: you know, I said, there's no way, there's no way,
53:21
Speaker 1: and then it happened. So I don't think it kisses
53:25
Speaker 1: definitively the end or the beginning of anything. I think
53:28
Speaker 1: that you have some work to do about being open
53:31
Speaker 1: and not every guy is that needy, Not every guy
53:35
Speaker 1: is anything. Look at Matthew McConaughey. He's sitting here. He
53:38
Speaker 1: just wrote this book. Well he didn't just write this book,
53:40
Speaker 1: but he wrote a book that you should read called
53:41
Speaker 1: green Lights. I read it. Oh oh great, all right,
53:46
Speaker 1: so then you know about green lights? Yellow lights exactly, exactly, yeah,
53:52
Speaker 1: yellow light right now, yeah, exactly. It's nice to hear that,
53:57
Speaker 1: you know, because I know with you and Joe you
53:59
Speaker 1: were friends for a long time and then so how
54:02
Speaker 1: long did it take for you be able to be
54:04
Speaker 1: able to look at him that way? Well, it's funny
54:06
Speaker 1: you say that because in therapy, when I was wrapping
54:09
Speaker 1: up therapy because I needed a break, I said, am
54:12
Speaker 1: I supposed to be in a relationship? I just don't
54:14
Speaker 1: feel like the relationship type like that. It's not I've
54:17
Speaker 1: never been boy crazy, you know. I don't go god,
54:20
Speaker 1: you know, like when I'm single, I like it. I'm
54:22
Speaker 1: not trying always to find a guy. And I just thought,
54:25
Speaker 1: maybe something's off with me. And he said, you have
54:28
Speaker 1: too many barriers up. You just have roadblocks all around you,
54:32
Speaker 1: he said, and you have to strip those away until
54:34
Speaker 1: you're going to see somebody for who they are, not
54:37
Speaker 1: what they represent, you know, not the fact that he's
54:39
Speaker 1: wearing Prada jumpsuits that make me sick, or if we're
54:43
Speaker 1: driving around in Ferraris that makes me cringe. Just I
54:46
Speaker 1: had to get past all of my bullshit and finally
54:49
Speaker 1: just see him for who he was, which is a
54:52
Speaker 1: real person, you know, and those things don't define a person.
54:55
Speaker 1: And I understand if you don't feel like you have
54:57
Speaker 1: chemistry when you kiss somebody, it's hard to even think
54:59
Speaker 1: about kissing them again or anything like that. But this
55:02
Speaker 1: feels like it's a good opportunity for growth for you
55:06
Speaker 1: in terms of really kind of trying to strip away
55:09
Speaker 1: your layers and go into things that make you uncomfortable.
55:12
Speaker 1: Not to a degree where you have to go of
55:14
Speaker 1: sex with somebody that you're not interested in, but to
55:16
Speaker 1: a degree where you're pushing yourself to perhaps go out
55:20
Speaker 1: with him again and try it again, you know, and
55:22
Speaker 1: if it's not him, another guy or another woman like whomever.
55:26
Speaker 1: But as a practice for yourself, not necessarily to be
55:30
Speaker 1: in a relationship, but in a practice of like tearing
55:33
Speaker 1: down the things that go look to you when something says,
55:36
Speaker 1: look to you or you have that feeling, you've got
55:40
Speaker 1: to make a note of it and go, oh, that's
55:43
Speaker 1: a yellow light. Is that about me? Or is that
55:45
Speaker 1: about him or her? Right? Right? And I'm pretty sure
55:49
Speaker 1: it is about me, because you know, we have all
55:53
Speaker 1: the things in common. I'm like, if this doesn't work,
55:55
Speaker 1: how the hell am I going to date anybody else
55:57
Speaker 1: that doesn't have all these boxes ticked right? And it
56:01
Speaker 1: was just kind of that all it's lacking is that spark,
56:05
Speaker 1: you know, when you kiss somebody and then you want
56:07
Speaker 1: to sleep with them. And that was kind of like,
56:09
Speaker 1: I don't really want to sleep with you. That said,
56:12
Speaker 1: I have slept with him in the past, so my bad.
56:15
Speaker 1: I've maybe sent off the wrong signals exactly. So you
56:21
Speaker 1: sleep with him past, you know, or not your beat?
56:26
Speaker 1: One thing? I hear you, I hear you. Kind of
56:27
Speaker 1: keep doing this. It's what Chelsea was saying. You said
56:29
Speaker 1: a minute ago, I like the wine, not the label. Yes,
56:32
Speaker 1: you're but you are labeling exactly what you want and
56:37
Speaker 1: you have your own labels, which happens all this with maturity.
56:41
Speaker 1: As we mature, we get kind of set in our ways,
56:43
Speaker 1: and no, it needs to fit this and this is
56:45
Speaker 1: how I this is how my life goes, this is
56:47
Speaker 1: what I expect, and we're less malluable. And what I
56:50
Speaker 1: hear Chelsea's saying, which I second, is relax your own
56:54
Speaker 1: labels on yourself and the boxes that he or any
56:59
Speaker 1: other man needs to absolutely fit for you. So maybe
57:03
Speaker 1: just enjoy that one without looking at the label a
57:05
Speaker 1: little bit. And I think that's what Chelsea's saying is
57:07
Speaker 1: if if it's not just perfect, to cut yourself or
57:10
Speaker 1: you go, wait, that that didn't fit, that didn't fit,
57:12
Speaker 1: that didn't go exactly how I wanted it to be.
57:14
Speaker 1: That kiss didn't make me want to go further. Well
57:17
Speaker 1: maybe that was all it was needed. Right then maybe
57:19
Speaker 1: start Sometimes you get to know that you already got
57:22
Speaker 1: your asset with this guy, is that you already got
57:25
Speaker 1: a friendship? Well not anymore there, Yeah, it was there.
57:31
Speaker 1: The last eighteen years are not gone. Whatever y'all formed
57:34
Speaker 1: over eighteen years, it's not like white outs over it.
57:36
Speaker 1: It's still there. You want to rekindle that and go.
57:39
Speaker 1: You want to pick back up and just go have
57:41
Speaker 1: a freaking cup of coffee and not kiss. You want
57:43
Speaker 1: to get back at doing some things that we like
57:45
Speaker 1: we used to like to do just together and just
57:47
Speaker 1: maybe that's maybe restarting there. And if you know that
57:51
Speaker 1: if the kiss works, it'll probably be the time where
57:54
Speaker 1: he doesn't ask you or you don't ask him, and
57:56
Speaker 1: it just happens exactly and when, and go back when
58:00
Speaker 1: you were asking me about when it happened for Joe
58:02
Speaker 1: and me, we had hung out for over a year
58:06
Speaker 1: before anything happened. And when it happened, I made it
58:08
Speaker 1: happen because it had to come from me. And I
58:11
Speaker 1: would suggest hanging out with them with you first of all,
58:14
Speaker 1: repair whatever damage has been done, which you can easily
58:17
Speaker 1: do over an eighteen year relationship, and say, let's just
58:20
Speaker 1: try this again as friends. Let's see if it goes
58:22
Speaker 1: anywhere in a more natural progression, because I think if
58:26
Speaker 1: he ticks all these boxes a it's worth another go.
58:29
Speaker 1: You do you know what I mean? You're saying, all
58:31
Speaker 1: he has got all these things except for your feelings
58:34
Speaker 1: towards him, and that can happen. That comes up for
58:37
Speaker 1: people all the time. They fall in love with their
58:39
Speaker 1: friends all the time. You can't force it to happen.
58:42
Speaker 1: It has to naturally organically happen, and you can continue
58:46
Speaker 1: to spend more time together. You don't have to kiss
58:48
Speaker 1: each other or fuck each other or whatever, but spend
58:51
Speaker 1: more time and see if it happens naturally. And also
58:54
Speaker 1: as a test for yourself, also explore that with other
58:57
Speaker 1: people too, you know, because I'm glad Matthew said that
58:59
Speaker 1: about the wine and the label, because as soon as
59:02
Speaker 1: you made that declaration, it was clear that you're doing
59:05
Speaker 1: the opposite of what you think you're doing. You don't
59:08
Speaker 1: have to make declarations about who you are, you know
59:10
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I think that you might think
59:12
Speaker 1: you're looking at the wine and not the label, but
59:14
Speaker 1: it's quite the opposite, right, fair enough. I think right
59:18
Speaker 1: now is good that this call worked out when it did,
59:21
Speaker 1: because I was actually thinking of writing him or letter
59:23
Speaker 1: because right now he's just cut me out of his
59:26
Speaker 1: life completely, unfollowed me on duo, lingo and good Reads
59:30
Speaker 1: and Facebook and all the things that we shared common
59:33
Speaker 1: interest in. And I text him and I was like,
59:35
Speaker 1: so my biggest fear was losing in the friendship. And
59:39
Speaker 1: he just said, I can't be friends with you because
59:41
Speaker 1: I'll always want more. And I thought, okay, so you're
59:44
Speaker 1: just willing to throw away eighteen years of friendship because
59:48
Speaker 1: your feelings are hurt. So it's like, at this point,
59:51
Speaker 1: is it crossing a line to write him a letter
59:53
Speaker 1: and just be like, hey, maybe we didn't try long
59:56
Speaker 1: enough or I don't know. At this point sounds like
59:58
Speaker 1: you're very similar. Maybe just simplify a little bit. And
1:00:02
Speaker 1: then if you do write him a letter, which sounds
1:00:05
Speaker 1: like you should, because about eighteen years, you don't want
1:00:08
Speaker 1: to throw that out like that was a nothing part
1:00:10
Speaker 1: of your life. That was real. Whether it works out
1:00:12
Speaker 1: for you all or not, that was real. You built that.
1:00:15
Speaker 1: You don't want to throw that out completely. I mean,
1:00:18
Speaker 1: if you do write him a letter, be considerate. I'm
1:00:21
Speaker 1: sure he feels like he got bruised or lost or
1:00:24
Speaker 1: made an advance and you had it and then you
1:00:27
Speaker 1: were like, Nope, that's it. He probably feels a little embarrassed,
1:00:30
Speaker 1: a little shame, a little loss, a little less just
1:00:34
Speaker 1: maybe as a friend. Go man, if this has out
1:00:36
Speaker 1: and made you feel I didn't mean to hurt you,
1:00:39
Speaker 1: but that's how I felt. This is all so damn complicated,
1:00:42
Speaker 1: and you want to go back back back a few
1:00:44
Speaker 1: months before we before that kiss, and just start with
1:00:46
Speaker 1: when we were high fiving and go have a couple
1:00:48
Speaker 1: of coffee or a walk and start right there some
1:00:50
Speaker 1: simple shit and maybe maybe cuss each other out and go,
1:00:53
Speaker 1: this fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me.
1:00:56
Speaker 1: That could be it could be fun. You know. Yeah, yeah,
1:00:59
Speaker 1: I agree with that, and I think you should definitely
1:01:00
Speaker 1: write him a letter, but also acknowledge his feelings. Definitely
1:01:04
Speaker 1: acknowledge the fact that he was the way he may
1:01:06
Speaker 1: be feeling right now. But you know, as an effort
1:01:09
Speaker 1: to retain this friendship, you can say, in the hopes
1:01:12
Speaker 1: I want to have these feelings for you, I'm willing
1:01:14
Speaker 1: to try this again, but we also have to be adults,
1:01:18
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
1:01:21
Speaker 1: People have been turned down before and been able to
1:01:23
Speaker 1: maintain friendships. You know. Obviously he needs a little bit
1:01:26
Speaker 1: of time to get over what he's dealing with. But
1:01:28
Speaker 1: I think that you should really definitely focus on some
1:01:31
Speaker 1: of the things that we said to you about looking
1:01:33
Speaker 1: within yourself and figuring out, you know, what your stipulations
1:01:37
Speaker 1: and kind of roadblocks have been and kind of just
1:01:40
Speaker 1: try to open them up and just kind of be
1:01:42
Speaker 1: open to whatever. Don't have it in your head the
1:01:45
Speaker 1: way that it needs to look perfectly right. Absolutely, well, Carrie,
1:01:51
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Okay, for sure, Thanks, Okay,
1:01:55
Speaker 1: good luck. Forty eight's great. I just turned forty eight,
1:01:57
Speaker 1: and I'm yeah, I'm kind of at that age where
1:02:02
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I'm not one of those people
1:02:05
Speaker 1: that is desperate to be in a relationship. I actually
1:02:08
Speaker 1: quite like being single. And that's probably part of the
1:02:12
Speaker 1: problem with dating, is like I'll start dating and then
1:02:15
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're actually single. It's not so bad. So yeah,
1:02:19
Speaker 1: I'm definitely at forty eight. I'm not even at forty eight.
1:02:22
Speaker 1: I'm not in a rush to get into any sort
1:02:24
Speaker 1: of relationship, but it would be nice. Okay, take care,
1:02:28
Speaker 1: nice to speak with you. Thanks. Okay, we're running out
1:02:32
Speaker 1: of time, so we're gonna take a quick break and
1:02:34
Speaker 1: we'll be right back. And we're back. We're back. That
1:02:42
Speaker 1: was awesome, Matthew McConaughey, you were great, has predicted. Yes,
1:02:47
Speaker 1: thank you so to this event. To Matthew's event that
1:02:51
Speaker 1: he's hosting with Tony Robbins. It is a virtual event.
1:02:56
Speaker 1: It's called Art of Living Live on April twenty four, Right,
1:03:00
Speaker 1: so you can go online and register at art of
1:03:03
Speaker 1: livin event dot com and sign up. It's actually free
1:03:07
Speaker 1: to attend, so go check it out. Oh yeah, that's awesome.
1:03:10
Speaker 1: A matter. So it's all free. Yeah, it's all free.
1:03:13
Speaker 1: Oh great and online? Okay, awesome. Thanks for sharing today,
1:03:17
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here, Thanks for giving advice to our callers.
1:03:21
Speaker 1: Appreciate it. I enjoyed that. Okay, enjoy that by Matthew. Bye.
1:03:27
Speaker 1: Oh well, great episode, Mabulas and don't forget everybody. My
1:03:31
Speaker 1: new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and it's badass.
1:03:36
Speaker 1: And then I'm doing a tour, a little big Bitch tour.
1:03:38
Speaker 1: Go to chelseahmma dot com for tickets. I've added some
1:03:41
Speaker 1: new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York.
1:03:43
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming
1:03:47
Speaker 1: to Calamazoo, and then I'm coming to a bunch of
1:03:49
Speaker 1: places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth,
1:03:54
Speaker 1: and twenty first, and then I'll be in Atlantic City
1:03:57
Speaker 1: June tenth, which is almost still doubt So get your tickets.
1:04:00
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
1:04:02
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
1:04:05
Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
1:04:08
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickart executive producer Catherine Law and
1:04:12
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahamler dot
1:04:14
Speaker 1: com