Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Reset You Actually Need - Day 2. You Don't Need a New Life, You Need New Standards

Transcript

The Reset You Actually Need - Day 2. You Don't Need a New Life, You Need New Standards · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:15
Speaker 1: So this is day two in the mini series of
0:18
Speaker 1: our The Reset that You Actually Need Start to twenty
0:21
Speaker 1: twenty six, entering the year, hitting the ground running, starting
0:24
Speaker 1: with the Bang, whatever the fuck you want to call it. So,
0:26
Speaker 1: if you haven't already listened to yesterday's episode, highly recommend
0:29
Speaker 1: because that's kind of a really good way to set
0:31
Speaker 1: the foundations, to set the groundwork moving forward. I'm going
0:34
Speaker 1: to be targeting different kind of topics on ways that
0:37
Speaker 1: you can kind of rehol how you look at certain
0:40
Speaker 1: things so you can start to obviously feel better about yourself,
0:42
Speaker 1: be happier, be less anxious, less stress, gain more clarity,
0:45
Speaker 1: but also in the way of goal setting and really
0:49
Speaker 1: you know, taking leaps and bounds in what it is
0:52
Speaker 1: that you want to achieve this year. Okay, so yeah,
0:55
Speaker 1: definitely listen to yesterday and begin to implement that if
0:58
Speaker 1: you haven't already. So today we're going to be talking
1:01
Speaker 1: about standards, and the episode of today's episode is you
1:04
Speaker 1: don't need a new life, you just need new standards. Okay.
1:08
Speaker 1: So this is a really, really huge one because when
1:10
Speaker 1: you really are clear on what your standards are not
1:14
Speaker 1: just for yourself, because we're going to be talking about
1:16
Speaker 1: both things, but most importantly for how you allow other
1:19
Speaker 1: people to treat you. Everything begins to change. You start
1:22
Speaker 1: creating kind of a bare minimum for yourself, and you
1:26
Speaker 1: will realize that when you start teaching people how to
1:28
Speaker 1: treat you or creating new standards as a standard of
1:31
Speaker 1: what it requires for someone to have access to you,
1:34
Speaker 1: for someone to have a relationship with you, also standards
1:36
Speaker 1: that you set for yourself, what you're willing to put
1:38
Speaker 1: up with with your own behavior, what you're no longer
1:41
Speaker 1: willing to put up with, You gain way more clarity,
1:44
Speaker 1: and then you kind of start attracting more of the same.
1:47
Speaker 1: And the way I like to explain that when I
1:49
Speaker 1: talk about attracting more of the same is look at
1:51
Speaker 1: people that you interact with. There are people that hold
1:53
Speaker 1: themselves and other people to a really healthy standard, and
1:58
Speaker 1: hopefully you're not a toxic person, but there's certain people
2:00
Speaker 1: that you think, oh my god, no one would dream
2:02
Speaker 1: to try and take that person for a ride, or
2:03
Speaker 1: no one would dream to try and fuck this person
2:05
Speaker 1: over or waste their time or whatever, because they really
2:07
Speaker 1: hold themselves and others to a really high standard, and
2:10
Speaker 1: then you look at other people, bless their souls, who
2:13
Speaker 1: don't have any standards, and they really put up with
2:15
Speaker 1: shit all the time. They're the people that are constantly
2:17
Speaker 1: in really unhealthy relationships. Not to blame them, but it's
2:20
Speaker 1: because they kind of seem to find themselves in the
2:23
Speaker 1: same kind of patterns and circles again and again and again.
2:26
Speaker 1: They're the ones that always talk about their friends being
2:28
Speaker 1: pretty awful and they'd still consider them to be their friends.
2:31
Speaker 1: They're the ones that always are involved in drama unintentionally
2:34
Speaker 1: on necessarily, and that's because they probably haven't stopped and
2:38
Speaker 1: looked and thought, I need to really set a standard
2:40
Speaker 1: for what I'm willing to put up with or be
2:42
Speaker 1: involved with and what I'm not. Okay, so we're going
2:45
Speaker 1: to be talking about that. So really, you've got to
2:48
Speaker 1: think about so much of your life. It's not like
2:51
Speaker 1: you have to change so much about who you are
2:53
Speaker 1: and so much about what it is that you do.
2:55
Speaker 1: It's just a bit of a like a tweaking here
2:58
Speaker 1: and there and think I need to draw the line,
3:00
Speaker 1: and this year I'm going to adhere to that fucking line.
3:03
Speaker 1: I'm not going to drop below it I'm not gonna
3:04
Speaker 1: have I can have my weak moments, but I need
3:06
Speaker 1: to pull myself up immediately when I have that weak
3:08
Speaker 1: moment and make sure that I'm not dropping below that standard.
3:11
Speaker 1: You're gonna have better relationships, You're gonna be a whole
3:13
Speaker 1: lot happier, healthier physically and mentally and in every way,
3:16
Speaker 1: shape or form. Okay, So I want you to look
3:21
Speaker 1: at this episode as a cleanse for you know all
3:24
Speaker 1: of that today and ask yourself, do your standards currently,
3:29
Speaker 1: the ones you have for yourself and for other people,
3:30
Speaker 1: align with the person that you wish to be this year,
3:34
Speaker 1: this decade, for the rest of your life. Does it align?
3:37
Speaker 1: And if it doesn't align, that's probably a good thing
3:39
Speaker 1: because there's room for improvement. There's things that can be done. Okay,
3:42
Speaker 1: if it aligns and you're like, well, I'm still not happy,
3:44
Speaker 1: then maybe you need to kind of overhaul it anyway. Now,
3:48
Speaker 1: the good news is that a lot of standards don't
3:50
Speaker 1: actually require that much more action. They just require clarity,
3:54
Speaker 1: knowing what you want and maintaining your ground, just really
3:58
Speaker 1: staying grounded in. It might feel like you're going a
4:01
Speaker 1: little bit backwards before you go forward. Like it might
4:03
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to be turning people off before
4:05
Speaker 1: you can start attracting people, and that is perfectly fine.
4:08
Speaker 1: That's completely normalists because you're doing a bit of an overhaul,
4:11
Speaker 1: a bit of a spring clean before you can bring
4:13
Speaker 1: in the new. Okay, so don't worry about that now. Clarity.
4:16
Speaker 1: When I talk about clarity on you know, getting what
4:19
Speaker 1: you want, knowing what you want. I want you to
4:21
Speaker 1: think about clarity as you gain more clarity the more
4:25
Speaker 1: you experience. So sometimes it does require you putting yourself
4:31
Speaker 1: out there, trialing how you go by, you know, setting
4:34
Speaker 1: your standards or setting standards how people treat You'm going
4:37
Speaker 1: to give an example soon about like in the dating scene.
4:40
Speaker 1: But the more you do it, the more clarity you're
4:42
Speaker 1: going to get. So it's kind of like a positive
4:45
Speaker 1: feed forward loop that you get. You put yourself out there,
4:47
Speaker 1: you start to doing something, you think, yep, that really worked.
4:50
Speaker 1: Then you look at, you know, an action that you're diding,
4:52
Speaker 1: like that actually didn't really work for me, It's not
4:53
Speaker 1: actually what I want. Then you start tweaking and tweaking tweaking.
4:56
Speaker 1: So it's important to have clarity before you start setting
4:58
Speaker 1: the standards, but really is that if you're not one
5:01
Speaker 1: hundred percent, it's okay, start anyway, start taking action, because
5:04
Speaker 1: you start gathering bits of information left, right, and center,
5:07
Speaker 1: and that's going to sharpen that clarity. Sometimes it feels
5:10
Speaker 1: a little bit gray and unsure if all you do
5:13
Speaker 1: is sit and analyze, analyze, analyze, and that's where you
5:15
Speaker 1: get that paralysis via analysis or whatever the saying is. Okay,
5:20
Speaker 1: so that's what I want you to think about. But
5:22
Speaker 1: clarity is kind of what we want. So start getting
5:25
Speaker 1: as good an idea as possible as what it is
5:28
Speaker 1: that you actually want to experience. Okay. So, because in
5:32
Speaker 1: order to set a standard for yourself and for other people,
5:34
Speaker 1: you need to know what it looks like. You need
5:36
Speaker 1: to know what it feels like being treated properly, what
5:39
Speaker 1: it feels like having the interaction that you want, what
5:41
Speaker 1: it feels like having a morning that you're happy that
5:43
Speaker 1: you had, having a day where you feel like you
5:46
Speaker 1: are fulfilled at the end of the day. Okay, And
5:50
Speaker 1: I want to use dating, like, let's talk about when
5:52
Speaker 1: we set standards for how other people treat us. I
5:54
Speaker 1: want to use dating as an example. Say you're on
5:56
Speaker 1: the apps and your goal for this year is to
5:59
Speaker 1: be in intensional about dating because you want to find
6:01
Speaker 1: a long term partner. That's the example. And the reason
6:04
Speaker 1: I'm saying that is because we're not using the example
6:06
Speaker 1: of someone who's just dating for fun or who wants
6:08
Speaker 1: to sleep around and have a good time and date
6:10
Speaker 1: multiple people. That's not the example I'm talking about. You
6:13
Speaker 1: want to date intentionally. You want to find a like
6:15
Speaker 1: a partner, your person, So you want to make sure
6:19
Speaker 1: that the people that you are interacting with have the
6:21
Speaker 1: same intentions. Okay, this is where a lot of us
6:24
Speaker 1: slip up. We you know, kind of get mixed up
6:28
Speaker 1: between our intentions and what we want, but then also
6:31
Speaker 1: being a massive people player and also being like I'm
6:33
Speaker 1: a fixer and also being like, well, I don't want
6:36
Speaker 1: someone to not like me, So you might think I
6:38
Speaker 1: only want to date someone who also wants a long
6:40
Speaker 1: term relationships. But then you get kind of, you know,
6:43
Speaker 1: swoped up, and you're swooning over someone who's really charismatic
6:46
Speaker 1: and gorgeous, but they clearly just here for a good time.
6:49
Speaker 1: But then you think, oh, well, I don't want them
6:50
Speaker 1: to think that I'm some freak who just wants you know,
6:53
Speaker 1: who's like clinging and has to have a relationship right now,
6:55
Speaker 1: right now, And then you end up really entertaining this
6:57
Speaker 1: trying to get them to like you trying to and
6:59
Speaker 1: then you literally just throwing your goals out the window.
7:02
Speaker 1: You are wasting your time and this is a commodity
7:04
Speaker 1: you will never get back. So you need to be
7:06
Speaker 1: very intentional. The more clarity you have and what you want,
7:09
Speaker 1: the easy it is to be like, you don't want
7:11
Speaker 1: as cool as that person is, if they don't want
7:12
Speaker 1: a relationship, I need to stop wasting my fucking tongue.
7:15
Speaker 1: I can still think they're cool, I can still be like,
7:17
Speaker 1: appreciate the hotness of this person, but I need to
7:20
Speaker 1: move forward with my year, with my intentions, with what
7:23
Speaker 1: I want for myself. Okay, So let's say that you
7:25
Speaker 1: are dating on the apps and you start having a
7:29
Speaker 1: conversation with someone and they don't message you or don't
7:33
Speaker 1: reply for about two days, right, and then they come back,
7:36
Speaker 1: and then they leave and they are applied for two
7:37
Speaker 1: days and they come back. You need to set a standard, okay,
7:39
Speaker 1: and how are you going to do that? Because you
7:41
Speaker 1: can't really control other people's behavior. But you can let
7:43
Speaker 1: them know what you are willing to put up with
7:45
Speaker 1: and what you are not. So basically this means that
7:47
Speaker 1: entertaining someone who's there for just hookups is going to
7:49
Speaker 1: do you and your future self no favors whatsoever. Okay,
7:52
Speaker 1: And no, you're not going to change someone's mind. Just
7:54
Speaker 1: get that out of your right, out of your head.
7:56
Speaker 1: You're not changing anyone's mind this year. You're not here
7:58
Speaker 1: to be like all that player. No, let's not waste time. Okay,
8:02
Speaker 1: you're going to change your mind. You're going to decide
8:05
Speaker 1: what your new standard could be, and you're going to think,
8:07
Speaker 1: for example, I'm not going to let anyone leave me
8:09
Speaker 1: on red for days on end. I'm going to give
8:12
Speaker 1: them one chance by making myself clear politely, and once
8:16
Speaker 1: I've been clear, I'm going to adhere to that. And
8:18
Speaker 1: that's it too bad, So sad, it is what it is. Okay. So,
8:22
Speaker 1: for example, this person you're chatting to, they live you
8:25
Speaker 1: on red for two days, and then they sweep back in,
8:27
Speaker 1: Hey how are you after the weekend? When they're whatever,
8:30
Speaker 1: you calmly say, it's really nice to hear from you. However,
8:33
Speaker 1: if you normally take two days to reply, I'm going
8:36
Speaker 1: to interpret that as you not being interested. I'm sure
8:39
Speaker 1: that you understand that. Okay, now here's the clincher. You're
8:43
Speaker 1: going to be like, oh, look, I can't say that.
8:45
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. If they're like, oh my god, clinging
8:49
Speaker 1: so intense, whatever, and they run for the hills, you've
8:52
Speaker 1: done the perfect vetting process. If someone runs from that,
8:55
Speaker 1: it means that they also are either not interested in
8:57
Speaker 1: you or they're not interested in a relationship, both of
9:01
Speaker 1: which has nothing to do with what you want. Okay,
9:04
Speaker 1: so this is a good thing. If they're like or
9:07
Speaker 1: if they try and make you feel bad, they're just
9:09
Speaker 1: trying to explain how they feel, but in a really
9:12
Speaker 1: immature way. If they say, oh, sorry, I didn't realize
9:14
Speaker 1: you were so Oh no, I don't deal with clinging.
9:16
Speaker 1: I don't like when people that's just a projection. They
9:18
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable that you've pulled them up on a behavior that,
9:21
Speaker 1: even if they were just he for to fuck around,
9:23
Speaker 1: leaving someone on red for days is probably not the
9:25
Speaker 1: nicest thing to do anyway. Okay, if that person is
9:28
Speaker 1: interested in you, I can guarantee you they will say
9:31
Speaker 1: because you've said it politely, you've said it really nicely.
9:33
Speaker 1: You're giving them another chance. They will say, no, you're right,
9:36
Speaker 1: sorry about that. I was all over the place, but
9:38
Speaker 1: I won't do it again. It's not saying I'm going
9:40
Speaker 1: to reprimand you for what you did. I'm just saying
9:42
Speaker 1: moving forward. That's not my vibe. I don't like waiting
9:45
Speaker 1: for two days at a time, and I can guarantee
9:47
Speaker 1: you if they are interested, they will not leave you
9:50
Speaker 1: on red for two days. When you are interested in someone,
9:53
Speaker 1: do you leave them on red for two days? No,
9:55
Speaker 1: you don't, okay, and if you do, you've got rocks
9:57
Speaker 1: in your head. I'm sorry, but that is just bizarre.
9:59
Speaker 1: Or you're leaving them read for two days because you're
10:00
Speaker 1: playing the game that they're playing to you. But there's
10:02
Speaker 1: no real reason that if you like someone you need
10:05
Speaker 1: to leave them on red for days. Okay. You have
10:07
Speaker 1: to remind yourself that when it comes to dating, if
10:09
Speaker 1: they wanted to, they would again and again and again.
10:12
Speaker 1: You have to remind yourself of that, okay, because you
10:14
Speaker 1: don't like to hear it, but you need to hear it.
10:16
Speaker 1: It's going to save you time. Like I said, it's
10:18
Speaker 1: this one commodity you're not going to get back. The
10:19
Speaker 1: same goals for friends, the same goes for family, the
10:21
Speaker 1: same goes for you know, co workers. You have to
10:24
Speaker 1: set a standard for what you're willing to put up with.
10:26
Speaker 1: If you have to interact with someone like a coworker,
10:29
Speaker 1: you can still be civil but not need a friendship.
10:32
Speaker 1: You can still be polite, kind, all the things, but
10:35
Speaker 1: you don't have to have an intense relationship with someone
10:37
Speaker 1: who's not going to meet your standards. And vice versa.
10:40
Speaker 1: The same is going to happen with you. You're going
10:42
Speaker 1: to be a certain person to someone and they're either
10:44
Speaker 1: going to like it, it's going to work for them,
10:46
Speaker 1: or it's not. And that's life. We are all entitled
10:48
Speaker 1: to set our own standards and to kind of decide
10:51
Speaker 1: who gets access and who doesn't get access. Okay, so
10:54
Speaker 1: I want you to go ahead and start listening things
10:56
Speaker 1: that you want to have some standards for. So what
10:58
Speaker 1: are the things that you have felt let down in
10:59
Speaker 1: the past for yourself? You know, like I let myself
11:02
Speaker 1: down because I've wasted so much time, and while I
11:04
Speaker 1: was doing it, I knew I was wasting that time.
11:06
Speaker 1: And then at the end of the day, I feel like, oh,
11:08
Speaker 1: I could have actually done more with my day. I
11:10
Speaker 1: could have done you know, whether it be social, or
11:12
Speaker 1: whether it be a hobby, or whether it be you know,
11:15
Speaker 1: growth or physical or whatever. Okay, the same is for
11:19
Speaker 1: other people. So just write a list in all kinds
11:21
Speaker 1: of categories. Get as clear as you can clear standards
11:24
Speaker 1: for dating, like your love life, nutrition and health, your sleep,
11:29
Speaker 1: your social life, how you're treated by people at work,
11:31
Speaker 1: your family, career, everything. You choose as many categories as
11:33
Speaker 1: you want, Okay, and then you've got to I think
11:36
Speaker 1: about what does holding yourself to a higher standard look like.
11:39
Speaker 1: So firstly it must be across the board. You have
11:43
Speaker 1: to lead by example. You can't treat yourself like shit.
11:47
Speaker 1: But then want I mean, having said this, people should
11:51
Speaker 1: treat you with respect regardless of how you treat yourself.
11:53
Speaker 1: But unfortunately that's just not how the world works. Okay.
11:57
Speaker 1: If someone always lets themselves get walked all over, there
12:00
Speaker 1: are going to be people that see that and take advantage. Okay,
12:03
Speaker 1: So it's not our job to just be like, oh,
12:05
Speaker 1: wishful thinking, everyone's going to be nice to me even
12:07
Speaker 1: if I'm not nice to myself. That's just that's not reality,
12:09
Speaker 1: if you start respecting yourself and you hold everyone to
12:12
Speaker 1: that same standard, how you treat yourself and how others
12:14
Speaker 1: treat you, I can guarantee you the people that want
12:16
Speaker 1: to walk all over you will just look for a
12:17
Speaker 1: week a target. They're not going to bother with you anymore.
12:20
Speaker 1: Trust me, that's what happens. Look at people that you think, well,
12:23
Speaker 1: they always get respect from everyone. Why is that? Because
12:26
Speaker 1: they hold others than themselves to a certain standard. They're
12:29
Speaker 1: not going to accept less than that. If someone does
12:31
Speaker 1: try and walk all over them, they're not interested. They'll
12:33
Speaker 1: either pull them up or they won't engage. Simple okay,
12:36
Speaker 1: same with dating, same with getting fucked over and all
12:38
Speaker 1: these things. And unfortunately those people who are like that
12:41
Speaker 1: probably were fucked over in the past and had to
12:43
Speaker 1: learn the hard way, which you know ultimately is a
12:46
Speaker 1: good thing, isn't it. So this comes from treating yourself better,
12:50
Speaker 1: stating your needs, not begging, not being a martage, just
12:54
Speaker 1: saying what it is that you need from somebody, obviously
12:57
Speaker 1: doing the same in return, because relationships should be recived,
13:00
Speaker 1: but taking care of yourself, taking care of your space,
13:03
Speaker 1: being able to stand up for yourself, being able to
13:04
Speaker 1: speak your opinion, even if you don't want to all
13:07
Speaker 1: the time, but if you're asked to speak your opinion,
13:09
Speaker 1: being able to turn an offer down confidently, not entertaining
13:18
Speaker 1: subpar interactions, and thinking that you have to kind of
13:20
Speaker 1: stay in that and have to entertain that. Not accepting
13:24
Speaker 1: the dregs of society as the people that you're going
13:27
Speaker 1: to date and the people that you're going to wait
13:28
Speaker 1: around for days and days and days just because you know,
13:31
Speaker 1: you know, the dating pool is dire, So I have
13:33
Speaker 1: to accept people that make me feel shit about myself,
13:35
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Okay, So when you're setting standards,
13:39
Speaker 1: you're going to teach people how to treat you more
13:42
Speaker 1: with your actions than with your words. Always it's always
13:45
Speaker 1: more with your actions than with your words. Okay. So
13:48
Speaker 1: here's a perfect example. Say you're you're with a friend
13:51
Speaker 1: and that friend is always choosing to scroll on their
13:54
Speaker 1: phone instead of speak to you, and you just don't
13:56
Speaker 1: know how to do it. You've tried, you've tried to
13:59
Speaker 1: tell them, but then you feel like you're reprimanding them.
14:02
Speaker 1: You feel really uncomfortable speaking to them, being like, oh, hey,
14:04
Speaker 1: can you get off your phone? On all you're always
14:06
Speaker 1: on your phone, and then you're like, oh, I just
14:07
Speaker 1: feel like Naki, I feel like I'm nagging and I
14:10
Speaker 1: don't like it about myself. But I also don't like
14:12
Speaker 1: every time I meet with this friend, I'm at a
14:14
Speaker 1: cafe and they're like looking at their phone, scrolling, being like, no, no, no,
14:17
Speaker 1: I'm listening. I'm listening. But what they're saying to you
14:20
Speaker 1: is I'm listening to you with my undivided attention. They're saying, no, no,
14:25
Speaker 1: keep telling the story. In other words, you keep giving
14:28
Speaker 1: me your undivided attention because you've got to talk and
14:30
Speaker 1: tell the story. But I can give you half of
14:32
Speaker 1: my attention because half is on this phone in case
14:35
Speaker 1: something more interesting comes up to what you're saying, and
14:37
Speaker 1: half is you talking, because I can kind of do both.
14:39
Speaker 1: But I'm not Fuck that shit. I'm sorry, fuck that shit,
14:43
Speaker 1: But what do you do? I agree? I also don't
14:45
Speaker 1: think I should have to beg for someone's attention, right
14:48
Speaker 1: if someone's doing that to me, like what, But you
14:50
Speaker 1: also don't then want to also pull out your phone
14:53
Speaker 1: because then you're kind of both doing the same thing.
14:54
Speaker 1: And I hate this idea where I'm at a cafe
14:57
Speaker 1: and all of us are on our phones. I just
14:58
Speaker 1: hate the look of that unless it's necessary you're applying
15:01
Speaker 1: to something whatever, where everyone's just on their phones. That
15:03
Speaker 1: like major I. So what I want you to do
15:07
Speaker 1: in the future is, next time you made up with
15:08
Speaker 1: this friend, just have your favorite book in your bag. Ready.
15:11
Speaker 1: You're sitting there, they pull out their phone. You don't
15:14
Speaker 1: keep talking. This person is distracted. They might keep scrolling.
15:18
Speaker 1: This is when you pull out your fucking book and
15:22
Speaker 1: you start flicking to the page that you were at
15:24
Speaker 1: and you start reading. There is nothing more of a
15:27
Speaker 1: statement with your actions than that. Because you were saying,
15:29
Speaker 1: I'm so bored with you, I'm the boord. Run now
15:32
Speaker 1: I'm bored with you that I'm gonna pull out a
15:35
Speaker 1: fucking novel and start reading that thing. Okay, that is
15:38
Speaker 1: action speaking louder than words. Then they're gonna look up
15:41
Speaker 1: and be like oh, oh no, sorry, oh well, and
15:44
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm fazed. This book is actually quite interesting.
15:46
Speaker 1: So you're like, oh no, no, no, take your time,
15:50
Speaker 1: literally take your time, because I'm now gonna take my
15:53
Speaker 1: time with my book. And then if they're like, oh,
15:55
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you any semi decent person will either
15:58
Speaker 1: say I just have to quick finish this email, I'm
16:00
Speaker 1: so sorry, then I'll give you my undervarted attention, althoy'll
16:03
Speaker 1: quickly put their phone away, or they're going to be
16:05
Speaker 1: just a shit can't and not and then that's someone
16:07
Speaker 1: you're probably not gonna hang out with ever again. Okay,
16:09
Speaker 1: So that's just little things like that that you can
16:12
Speaker 1: do where actions speak louder than words, the same as
16:14
Speaker 1: if you go to someone's house. Let's say, let's say
16:17
Speaker 1: you're your mum always puts you down for what you wear,
16:22
Speaker 1: what you look like, always pulling apart. I don't like
16:25
Speaker 1: you makeup, you're hanging your this you're like. You could
16:27
Speaker 1: say every time, I don't like it when you talk
16:29
Speaker 1: to me like that, I don't like this. I don't
16:30
Speaker 1: like that. If you've already shown a thousand times that
16:34
Speaker 1: you don't like how she talks to you, you could come in.
16:35
Speaker 1: She can make a negative comment and you can either ignore,
16:39
Speaker 1: stare at her, and then just walk through, or you
16:41
Speaker 1: could literally say I'm out, see ya see you next time. Okay,
16:46
Speaker 1: Like you've got to start teaching people how to treat
16:48
Speaker 1: you might be annoying the first few times, but I
16:50
Speaker 1: can guarantee you if they want to see, if they
16:51
Speaker 1: want to spend time with you, and then they realize,
16:53
Speaker 1: wait a minute, there is no way I can get
16:55
Speaker 1: away with this behavior, and they still act the same
16:57
Speaker 1: way towards me. I'm gonna have to change my bath
17:00
Speaker 1: behavior because either I change my behavior or I don't
17:02
Speaker 1: get access to this person. And that's how you start
17:05
Speaker 1: setting standards. Okay, it is really really good, and it
17:08
Speaker 1: is it feels good not to have to nag. It's
17:11
Speaker 1: just actions. You just change your actions. Now, when it
17:15
Speaker 1: comes to setting standards for yourself, let's talk about the
17:18
Speaker 1: difference between setting standards for yourself and also have being
17:23
Speaker 1: a perfectionist. Okay, so a perfectionist is coming with anxiety.
17:27
Speaker 1: It comes with you always attacking your abilities. It's never
17:32
Speaker 1: feeling good enough. So you don't really want to launch
17:35
Speaker 1: something or do something or try something unless you know
17:38
Speaker 1: it's going to be perfect because you're always tearing yourself down.
17:40
Speaker 1: That's perfectionism in a nutshell. I'm pretty sure I've got
17:43
Speaker 1: an episode on that. So just go into the search
17:45
Speaker 1: bar of do you fucking mind and just go perfectionism
17:48
Speaker 1: and see what comes up. But alternatively to that, there
17:52
Speaker 1: is having high standards for yourself. And having high standards
17:56
Speaker 1: means I want more for myself. I want effort. I
18:00
Speaker 1: want to see that I'm growing. I want to see
18:03
Speaker 1: that I'm worth my time and energy. It's not about
18:07
Speaker 1: having to have finished or achieved something. It's saying I
18:10
Speaker 1: want to know that I've maximized my abilities. It's trying,
18:14
Speaker 1: it's effort. It's at the end of the day looking
18:16
Speaker 1: back being like, yeah, I did something today that I
18:19
Speaker 1: feel really proud of. Whether it's I dedicated time towards
18:21
Speaker 1: something I didn't have to finish it. I stood up
18:23
Speaker 1: for myself. I didn't entertain this person who clearly just
18:28
Speaker 1: wants to be a fuck buddy when I want a relationship.
18:31
Speaker 1: You know, that is having higher standards for yourself. It's
18:33
Speaker 1: not about perfection. It's not about having to have the
18:36
Speaker 1: slickest thing that you put out there for yourself. It's
18:38
Speaker 1: at the end of the day feeling good about the
18:41
Speaker 1: effort that you've put towards yourself. That's what it feels like.
18:44
Speaker 1: So come up with maybe just three things that you
18:47
Speaker 1: could have for setting standards. I mean, the major one
18:49
Speaker 1: that I've already said, is how other people treat you.
18:51
Speaker 1: If you can already start that, I can guarantee you're
18:53
Speaker 1: going to start treating yourself better. You're going to feel good.
18:56
Speaker 1: But another one for standards for yourself is and maybe
18:58
Speaker 1: to start with a handful and then you add an
19:00
Speaker 1: ad and ad, but you could be like, you know
19:05
Speaker 1: something that you're going to do for yourself for growth
19:07
Speaker 1: every single day, Like I want to at the end
19:10
Speaker 1: of every day, I want to be able to before
19:12
Speaker 1: I close my eyes and that night say I worked
19:14
Speaker 1: on this thing for myself today. Okay, I went to
19:18
Speaker 1: the gym. I called my auntie and I had that
19:21
Speaker 1: conversation where I keep putting it off, but she's getting old.
19:23
Speaker 1: And I felt really good about that, you know. I,
19:26
Speaker 1: instead of being on my phone, I took my dog
19:29
Speaker 1: for a walk, let the dog play, and I read
19:31
Speaker 1: a book. I you know, had a really good morning
19:34
Speaker 1: where I wasn't distracted and I went through my to
19:36
Speaker 1: do list and in half an hour I had everything
19:38
Speaker 1: that I needed done and I had free time for myself.
19:41
Speaker 1: I fill in the banks. Okay, Notice how none of
19:44
Speaker 1: those was these major goals that you have to achieve,
19:47
Speaker 1: these crazy I've got to launch a business or whatever,
19:49
Speaker 1: because those big things that you see people do, those
19:53
Speaker 1: massive high achievers that do all of that that comes,
19:56
Speaker 1: you know, incrementally, that comes from creating time for yourself,
19:59
Speaker 1: putting self first, prioritizing your time, looking at what's important
20:03
Speaker 1: in your life versus you know, the things that pacify
20:06
Speaker 1: your boredom, will pacify your discomfort, and then before you
20:08
Speaker 1: know what, those major things that you want to achieve
20:10
Speaker 1: start to fall into place really really quickly. But you've
20:13
Speaker 1: got to focus on all these things that are going
20:15
Speaker 1: to bring you genuine peace of mind and calm and happiness.
20:19
Speaker 1: You're going to notice that the theme of the next
20:20
Speaker 1: two weeks, a lot of it comes down to, you know,
20:23
Speaker 1: small actions that you can do that's accessible to pretty
20:27
Speaker 1: much anyone that is going to positively impact how you
20:31
Speaker 1: go about achieving the larger scale things in your life. Okay,
20:35
Speaker 1: so that's kind of what we are going to be
20:38
Speaker 1: focusing on for this little reset that you actually need,
20:41
Speaker 1: which is the fucking title of this reset. So I
20:44
Speaker 1: want you to write a list of standards for yourself
20:47
Speaker 1: and for other people. That's your homework for today. You're
20:49
Speaker 1: going to write it down and see which ones really
20:52
Speaker 1: really resonate with you, and they're the ones you're going
20:54
Speaker 1: to work on the most. Okay, which ones are you're like?
20:57
Speaker 1: The dating thing, she fucking called me out. It's like
20:59
Speaker 1: she was speaking to directly to me, the friendship thing,
21:01
Speaker 1: the mom putting me down, all of that sal speak.
21:03
Speaker 1: So that could be where you start with other people,
21:05
Speaker 1: and then you ask yourself, where am I going to
21:07
Speaker 1: start with standards for myself? Okay? So no longer letting
21:11
Speaker 1: people leave you on red and you keep going back
21:14
Speaker 1: to them. No longer, you know, triple messaging someone who's
21:16
Speaker 1: clearly not interested because you heard that your auntie's uncle's
21:20
Speaker 1: child's uncle, you know, one day, had someone treat them
21:25
Speaker 1: like absolute shit and then end up they turned out
21:27
Speaker 1: to be the love of their life. I don't care.
21:28
Speaker 1: I don't care which anecdote you hear out there that
21:31
Speaker 1: confirms that this disinterested player is actually going to turn
21:34
Speaker 1: it around and be interested. You're not. That's not you, okay,
21:38
Speaker 1: And if it is you, do you want to play
21:41
Speaker 1: that gamble? Like? Do you want to waste all this time?
21:43
Speaker 1: Just look at actions, speak loud in the words, Look
21:45
Speaker 1: at how someone talks to you, look at how they
21:47
Speaker 1: treat you. Do they prioritize you. If the answer is no,
21:49
Speaker 1: they treat me, shit, they're not prioritizing me. They're not
21:51
Speaker 1: messaging me days later. Is that how you actually want
21:54
Speaker 1: to be treated in a relationship, Because if you're going
21:55
Speaker 1: to entertain someone that treats you like that, before you
21:58
Speaker 1: even enter a relationship, you're saying, this is okay, this
22:01
Speaker 1: is the standard in the relationship. Unacceptable, unacceptable this year.
22:06
Speaker 1: It should have been unacceptable any other year, but it's
22:08
Speaker 1: definitely unacceptable this year moving forward. Okay, So that's what
22:12
Speaker 1: I want to say to you. I don't care if
22:14
Speaker 1: you think, oh, maybe they will change, That's not your business.
22:17
Speaker 1: It's not your problem. Okay, You're gonna only entertain. What
22:19
Speaker 1: you see is what you get. When it comes to action.
22:21
Speaker 1: You can tell someone once and if they clean up
22:23
Speaker 1: their act, then you're getting someone that knows how to
22:25
Speaker 1: curb their behavior, brilliant. And if they don't, then you're like,
22:28
Speaker 1: thank you so much for the information that I needed. Goodbye. Hi. Also,
22:33
Speaker 1: can I just say, loel someone literally sent just I
22:37
Speaker 1: love this so much because I just sung out that
22:39
Speaker 1: someone sent me like a comment on Spotify, saying that
22:42
Speaker 1: me singing out the words has turned them off listening
22:45
Speaker 1: to my podcast. They find it, they find it really
22:47
Speaker 1: like off putting. So apologies, I apologize for turning you
22:52
Speaker 1: off listening to my podcast, but you're not even listening
22:54
Speaker 1: to this episode, so sorry about that, but I'm not sorry.
22:58
Speaker 1: I'm not sorry anyway. That's kind of it for today's episode.
23:02
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for tuning in and listening.
23:04
Speaker 1: Put all this stuff into action. Start writing it down,
23:07
Speaker 1: even if you're just jotting it down, and do it now.
23:09
Speaker 1: Don't wait till tomorrow. Don't wait till the end of
23:11
Speaker 1: the ten days. Do something every day, even if you're
23:14
Speaker 1: on your phone. Whip out your notes, bang, put it down,
23:16
Speaker 1: Just write new standards twenty twenty six and then just
23:19
Speaker 1: top three even okay, and you're gonna feel like something
23:22
Speaker 1: was done. I can guarantee if you do that list tonight,
23:24
Speaker 1: you're gonna go to bed, and like I said, you're
23:25
Speaker 1: gonna look back and say, I did something today that
23:28
Speaker 1: was good for me. I listed the standards and we're
23:30
Speaker 1: gonna move forward with these new standards. Okay, so whip
23:33
Speaker 1: out that list. Let's go, guys, love you so much,
23:36
Speaker 1: thank you for tuning in. As always, remember bekind to yourself,
23:39
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain, don't text shit from anyone,
23:41
Speaker 1: and especially don't text shit for you from yourself. Don't
23:44
Speaker 1: it