Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E18 - Rescheduling Valentine's Day (and Everything Else)

Transcript

S4 E18 - Rescheduling Valentine's Day (and Everything Else) · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us into the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And gosh, Johnny, on Valentine's Day, it's just a lovely way you brought us in.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: I want to thank you.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff, how are you doing?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I'm doing better than I thought.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Kathy and I were going through our finances and we made quite a bit of money.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought to myself, God, I've been kind of cheap with myself this last year, not realizing that we had more wealth than I thought.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I wanted to do something special for Kathy.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Normally I'll get uh massage for me, for her, well, for Valentine's.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because then you know when you feel better, she feels better, right?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I communicate that to her?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of when she was in labor.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just felt like it was harder on me than it was her because she didn't have to do anything except be in pain.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had to pretend like I gave a shit about her in labor, and I just think that's harder.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know she was in labor.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: I always thought she was in management.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully, it's not hard labor.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's not hard labor.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I was thinking about getting her a car for Valentine's Day, and I I haven't looked for one for a while, but you know, it's been since 1973, since we got our last car.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, you know, they say these cars are good enough to last a long time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we've had it a long time.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: All the new cars just seem so difficult to even understand how to drive.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they'll tell you how to drive them.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you don't really have to know anything, they'll tell you, hey, stay in the lane.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, turn on your lights, hey, light change, time to go.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they'll they'll tell you all that stuff, you know.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I not only that, but if it's raining out, you can actually set your wipers to go like infrequently, you know what I mean?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of like one speed, they'll go fast for a while and then they'll stop and then they'll go fast again.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I know that my cousin, Theo, he got a new car.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was a 2021 Toyota Camry, and he took me for riding it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I could not fucking believe it, Steve.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: The stuff it's got a thing called, I don't, I don't know if your car you've heard of this, it's called climate control, which I don't think I think is a hoax.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's a hoax, yeah.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: And it's got door locks and so now let me get this straight.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: He bought a new car and it's a 2021 Toyota Camry.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: You understand it's hopefully he knows it's 2026.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: So did he buy this car five years ago, or was it a gently used five-year-old Camry?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh well, I've been gently used.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: And there's nothing wrong with that.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Don't they say they come out with models every five years?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought this would be like the new model.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's been so long since I've known anybody who's a model.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't even and these days that's a good thing to say.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: I used to be embarrassed by saying that, but now I can say, yeah, look like a good guy, because no, I don't know any models.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: No, of course not.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: The only model that I'm familiar with is wasn't there a model that was here ill illegally and is in the White House and is a movie star.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: And that model today has a movie out and is First Lady of the United States.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: See, anything's possible.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that just the best?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, so I ended up going for a drive with Theo.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I just couldn't believe it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Everything was so was so cool.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But what was interesting was there were these two wooden sticks, you know, about an inch and a half long.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: They were on the dashboard, and they kind of looked like I don't know what they look like, but they were these these sticks, and I had somebody stuck toothpicks in in the cup holder.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like that.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, right.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've actually never seen anyone do that.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds kind of hazardous if you stop fast, but you know, yeah, it does.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: It looks painful.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But so I asked him, I said, you know, what are these wooden sticks for?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he said you could rest your balls on these sticks.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: And he's not talking golf balls, these weren't like teas or anything, right?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he was talking golf balls because he said that you could you could do that, you know, you could put them on the sticks and use them for driving.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought he meant driving the car, but maybe he was talking about driving could be golf.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, balls on a stick.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: I I haven't seen balls on a stick since I was at the Texas State Fair a few years ago.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean they're delicious.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: God, are they good?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and they had deep fried, of course.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the stick is deep fried too, you know.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking I'm gonna get a new car for her.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's bottom line, uh, for Christmas.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give that to her for Christmas.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's outstanding.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's really nice that you're able to do that.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, now of course you miss you miss Christmas by a couple months, but missing holidays is a real problem.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: I I've missed St.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Patrick's Day a lot, and you know, I show up as back when we had to go in the office and everything, I'd be doing what not wearing green, you know.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody was drunk.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I was drunk, but I wasn't wearing green, you know.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: So and oh, don't even bring up anniversaries and birthdays.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's hard to keep track of everything.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I you know, you see somebody and you realize you missed their birthday and you forgot to buy them something, and then wouldn't you know it, a year later, you know, when you're supposed to buy them something again, you miss their birthday again.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's crazy.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's great.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: I have missed I don't get it.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I've missed three consecutive producers' days.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: And Miss Claire does not speak to me at all anymore.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like I said, at the opening, today is Valentine's Day, and we missed it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's Valentine's Day.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I because I was thinking, okay, I did kind of hear that you know we had missed Christmas already.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Although I heard that our king was was moving Christmas to his birthday.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's what he would like, I think.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: He would he would like that connection.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: But and when I say we missed it, I mean it is today.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean it we haven't missed it yet, but we missed it in the sense that it's it's too late to get a reservation anywhere.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: You take a 1 a.m.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: seating and you'll be sitting outside in February in in Omaha.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you're not gonna get in anywhere.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how I missed it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's February 14th, just like last year.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I saw the Valentine's candy.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are you sure it wasn't October 26th?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because I what's well no, that's that's that's Sweetest Day.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's also the anniversary of the gunfight at the OK Corral, which is related to Sweetest Day.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's how Sweetest Day was created.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Really, though, it might make sense to merge Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, because they're really kind of the same concept.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: Is somebody your Valentine if they're not also your sweetest?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: Is Sweetest lesser than Valentine?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like in school, you send a Valentine to everybody in the class.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they weren't all my sweetest, I gotta tell you.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, especially I hear that they do that in certain countries, like in Sweden.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: The Swedish Swedish day is often celebrated.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Swedish day, yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Swedish, Swedish day.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You have some ideas on what I can do about that?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'd still like to give her something for Valentine's Day.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I do have some ideas.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, now that we're what the kids call influencers, you know, we're we're we're pretty cool.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: We got this, we got a podcast, Jeff.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: We got a podcast.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: Not everyone has a podcast, just hundreds of thousands of people, but it's not everyone, right?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you're suggesting buying her a podcast for no no no no no, but we're influencers.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: So and remember, we've had influencers on the show too.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that that wild chrysanthemum we had on the show a couple of times?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And influencers, I think we can influence people to move Valentine's Day forward so we won't miss it.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe let's say, I don't know, I'm looking at March 20th.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not doing anything that day.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: What March 20th?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's first day of spring.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: First day of spring is a perfect time to merge first day, spring and Valentine's Day.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: The vernal equinox.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of the equinoxes, I don't know.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's vernal or subvernal, but you know, and if that works, I mean imagine what we could do.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: That could be the start of a whole trend.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: That could be a snowball that could fit on those T's, maybe.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: That it'd be a snowball.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: We can do other holidays too for people that miss holidays.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we can't be the only people that miss holidays.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: There must be thousands of people that miss holidays.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like we have the regular holiday, and then we'll have like a makeup date.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Or you know, we could have we could keep the regular holiday, but then have a second one that's like, okay, if you missed December 25th, let's say, we're gonna have January 29th.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, get another shot at it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: My brother, I don't I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother on the day after Halloween always buys up all the candy that's 50% off.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: The one thing I'm annoyed with for Valentine's Day, it's the only way I know that it's really Valentine's Day, is that all the restaurants are booked, the the cards are all picked over, the happy Valentine's Day cards are picked over.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: The only ones they have left are the ones that fifth graders give out to all the kids.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, in the big in the bag.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: To me, if we moved it forward, there would be a great financial gain.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to make dinner reservations for like midnight because we're all cooked up, you know, that kind of stuff.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you can help me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's assume that we can get this done because we are the influencers, you know, the official influencers.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, do you have any suggestions on what I could do for this new Valentine's Day, which is now what is it?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's gonna be March 20th, yeah.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: You got you got some time, and just think, you know, you're talking about the Halloween, just think about all the discounted candy, flowers, Valentine's cards, and don't forget those little hearts that say, Are you the letters are you mine?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, all that goes on sale.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: All that goes on sale tomorrow, you know.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: So that's true, and they keep forever because they're already stable.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, they're something horribly wrong.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: They're not made out of anything that actually biodegrades.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: You could use them any year.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: March 20th is perfect.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: And Jeff, you know, I of course have some ideas.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh tell me.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm taking notes.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: We got a little time.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: You could pull these off.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: I always like the personal touch.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: So every year I get Teresa, you know, I usually get the same thing.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's a really well-written card.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: I have Chuck Schumer write my cards.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: They're very strongly worded.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so he's funny.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: He's funny, too.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: He really can write a he can write a great letter to the Times.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have him write the the Valentine's.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: There's just nothing like the written word to say love is in the air.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think between now and March 20th, I'm gonna make some plans, I'm gonna do something different.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: I am gonna take Teresa to Stockholm, Sweden, to a place called the Ice Bar, which has no relation to certain domestic murderers running around U.S.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: cities wearing masks.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, nothing to do with that.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bar, it's actually a ho a hotel.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bar and in a hotel built of ice.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: You sit in an ice chair, the drinks are in glasses made of ice, so I mean everything's on the rocks, I guess, because the cup is ice, your plates are ice.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: I guess they give you real forks and spoons, but I maybe those are ice too.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Steve, I don't know if like we share the same periods.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So check this out.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: I mean you mean like in like study hall and things like that.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I'd like study hall.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I was thinking of taking Kathy on uh, you know, a romantic trip to Minneapolis.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about I was thinking of ice.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, because it gets very cold there.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: They have a lot of they have a lot of several types of ice up there, yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: They do, but isn't isn't that weird that you and I are both thinking like sort of the same wavelength.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think we've been doing this podcast a while.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: I think maybe it's starting to rub off or I don't know, wear off or jerk off or whatever.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, I don't know.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Any other ideas you may have?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my creative juices are are just running over.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, I have a towel.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, good, good.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, I need that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those juices, they they can stain.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, as you know, Teresa's a scientist.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: She likes uh labs, like science labs.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: She feels she sees like a lab in a movie, she goes, ah, it's like she doesn't like she loves the science, the setting of science.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm thinking of getting her, they got this set of giant microbes.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: And you remember you remember beanie babies, right?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: You remember those things?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the these giant microbes, they kind of look like the old beanie babies.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're about a million times the size of actual microbes, of course, but you can get them and they're these plush little toys, and you get a full set.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: You can get red blood cells, white blood cells, plasma, platelet, antibody.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the whole works.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the whole blood works, that is.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really good idea.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you and I are thinking the same thing.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking of getting Kathy a lap dance.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there you go.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that would get the blood flowing or a lap dance, maybe a lap dance, which is kind of the same thing.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: So we're we're close.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: And you could combine that with the ice idea and take her to Lapland and do a lap dance in Lapland.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Where I guess every dance in Lapland is a lap dance, right?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, absolutely.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: One other idea, this is one of those big ideas, and I don't know if even with a month ago that I could afford to do it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking like one day when she's off at work, I would have Nick, who does a lot of work around her house, come and replace our bathtub with a heart-shaped bathtub with these six-inch faucets and these knobs that one knob on each side, and the six-inch faucet is right in the middle of these two knobs.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought that would be something it'd be very romantic.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you bring a little bit of the polka no's right to your home.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because I think there'd be a lot of polka knowing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Poco knowing, yes.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Poca knowing.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: So what again, Pennsylvania?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: Remember those all those strange people that had New Year's resolutions from Pennsylvania?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, uh, you know, there you go.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's something going on in that state.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think so.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: And Sleepy Joe was from there, right?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't he?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think he was, yeah.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think he was.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So uh what else you got?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think we really just have to work on getting people off the idea that these certain days are the holidays.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think maybe in addition to having kind of the makeup day, if you will, we could also have like a range, like a two-week grace period.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know how if you don't pay your insurance on time, they give you 30 days, you pay it, and you're you're you're good.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it kind of the same thing.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe two weeks either side of the holiday would count as the holiday, maybe even a month either side of the holiday.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, no need to be restrictive.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, I had a girlfriend in college who celebrated birthday month, you know.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't enough.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: So then she finally went to birthday year, and you think about that, she never came down, you know.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a really good idea.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the and the cool part is if you celebrate it, surprise them a week early or two weeks early, right?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: They're really gonna be surprised.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, nobody's expecting that.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: No one's expecting a Valentine's Day gift, you know, one of the ones that I I wanted to get, and that would work out well because what did we say it would be March 20th?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: March 20th.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think March 1st, I wanted to get Kathy the Romance channel on TV that we could watch.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think you have to get them like at the beginning of the month.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's it's the purse.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you do you do like the month thing.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: And who on March 1st, who expects a Valentine's gift?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: That is gonna be such a surprise.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and she doesn't expect a gift from me at all.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, right.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, she's been with you long enough to know I you know, I'm not gonna expect anything like ever, right?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not talking about just holidays, right?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're talking about like anniversaries and birthdays, sure, oh that kind of stuff.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I forget all of those.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am horrible.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: You could just say your anniversary.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say you want to celebrate your anniversary, and let's say your anniversary is in April, okay?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: But it's I don't know, August.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: You just say, okay, well, this year our anniversary's in August, and you just have your anniversary.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't everybody be happier?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, because otherwise you gotta wait, you know, oh, I missed it, gotta wait till April, and you know, well, we can go out, but it's not really our anniversary, but you know, like come on, come on.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, just change it.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: Just say we just solve problems, yeah.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you think?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that what we do?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: I you know how many people are gonna be happy that they now have that solution?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, how many people miss birthdays and holidays and anniversaries and all kinds of stuff, you know?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty much miss all those.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Now you on social media where they people are wishing somebody a happy birthday.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: How many times do you see, oh, sorry I missed it?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Happy belated birthday.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, missed it again.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's like more than do it on time.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is there any chance that you and I could combine some of these holidays to match each other so that maybe we could move all the birth like your my birthday and your birthday would be the same, you know, kind of like again, you know, sharing periods.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe we could be like racehorses and just everybody's birthday is January 1st.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: See, I love that idea.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: See, although that's New Year's Day, and I we really I don't want to take away from New Year's Day.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't we make it January 3rd?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: January 3rd is everybody's birthday, is January 3rd.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll I'll tell Kathy and and you'll sell tell Teresa that it's the third from now on.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: And it's and it's their birthdays too, you know, it's everybody's birthday.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then May's birthday, big party.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe for wedding anniversaries, why don't we say what's uh June 15th?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right after King's Day, you know?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: That not MLK Day, the that alleged king.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or as a a backup would be April 15th, yes, is that tax day?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, see that that might have a bad connotation.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_02: People would start equating getting married with paying taxes, and they say, well, paying taxes is a burden, and so being married is a burden, and then they won't want to get married, and you know, that's gonna lead to all kinds of problems like justices of the peace will have to get other jobs.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I what can we do?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we we can't have that.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, I do kind of need to move tax day though, because I never make that day on time.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So can we can probably move that into later in the year?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: See, the IRS the IRS even has a plan for you.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: They saw you coming, they said, okay, you can get an extension to what is August 15th.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: There's an extension to August 15th.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: If that's not good enough, you can get one to October 15th.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's so beautiful.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it is beautiful.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we need to solve race relations on the next show because I feel like we're tack we're tackling these big issues.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: I have a great way to solve race relations.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it's exactly what we're doing with the holidays.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: You just combine all the races.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: So there's one race.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you can't hate another race because there is no other race.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's you, you're hating yourself if you do that.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: So completely eliminate it.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I really like that idea.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think our king sort of does that with certain races that are part of certain parts of the world.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: See, I'm gonna I'm gonna put an asterisk there.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, he is trying to create one race, but he's trying to do it a different way.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: He's trying to do it by getting rid of all the other races.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: So that's that's that's another way to do it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: That's another way.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, no, that new new you don't think that works?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: No, well it's been tried before.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's been tried a bunch of times, yes.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: And and you know, it usually doesn't end well for anyone.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: But I I think if you just eliminate the categories, we're all the same race.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Let's not pick one race that's already out there, let's pick a new name.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like let's say we're all uh Clodidians.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea what that means.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: I just just thought of the word Clodidians.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I like it.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: So we're the Clodidian race.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have some good dreams.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I used to have these dreams.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know how people have dreams where they panic that they're they're late for test.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, yeah.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always panicking, I'm late for a holiday because I'm always late for a holiday.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, that's no dream.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's you awake.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: You are late.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: You are now it is a dream.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's not uh it doesn't have to be true.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: But this eliminated that whole problem.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: This has been a really meaningful Valentine's Day.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, not that, oh, maybe Teresa might listen.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Not that every other one hasn't been meaningful.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't mean that.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, no, no, of course not.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: Of course not.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I think we got some important things done in addition to you know, eating some candy or whatever, you know.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think we really achieved something.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: I agree, and I think it really emphasizes the point that why are we so rigid?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we so worried about being on time?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, even our show comes out on Saturdays at a certain time.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Why why do we worry about that?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's for other people, suckers and losers to worry about that.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, you're more important than anybody else.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're not quite there yet, but you know, pretty close.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you know, though we're no king.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, oh no.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I certainly I want to keep no king.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a big no king guy.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: Let's celebrate this no king.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: We used to have no king day like all year long.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: But that is an all all year long thing.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: But but you know, though, you raised a good point about the show.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Show does drop on Saturday, usually around the same time, sometimes a little early, sometimes a little late.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of depends on you know what what else is happening.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: But maybe we just say, listen, if you're listening to this show Tuesday midnight, you know, Thursday morning, it's Saturday.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever you listen to the show, it's Saturday.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's Saturday somewhere.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's the Saturday show.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: It well, not always, but especially now that Jimmy Buffett's dead.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:05
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, whatever.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, I think we have solved so many problems tonight that you know, maybe, hey, you want to come over to my mom's?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna knock back some pop off.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'd love to.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: She's gonna make some of that mac and cheese with the the vodka sauce.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can I come over on Veterans Day?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think we moved right.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, perfect.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all right.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're pretty good.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Happy Veterans Day.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you just you merge it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Just say it's gonna be over in a little bit.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny, Johnny, I know you're coming over because it's free food and free booze, and so I Johnny's gonna be there, of course.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: But Johnny, on your way out, when you're running, tripping over yourself to get out the door to get the free food and free booze, get us out of this show, will you?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve, and happy all holidays eve.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a belated birthday production in association with Memory Hole Media.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, step and Jeff.com.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny Fiki.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: You better believe I'll be there for free pop off and mac and cheese.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: Steve's mom said to come over in Saturday.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: But didn't Steve just say that every day is Saturday?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: So is it today?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I tried today and tomorrow.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or oh, maybe I go today and stay until it's Saturday again.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't leave until it's not Saturday.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Good night, fellow Gladidians.