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Happy Hour #154: Unhealthy Relationships with Eating · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: When never told your production off, I hurt radio, And
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always with
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: these segments, whatever you're doing, please do so responsibly. Are
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: you sitting on anything, Samantha.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I am. I feel like with everything to going down
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: not being too pleasant. I decided to treat myself today.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: We don't have too much to do. We have stuff
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: to do, but I'm not going anywhere afterwards. So I
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: decided to put a little adult beverage into my coffee
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: because it's very cold here. Yes, and I see and
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: in my office. To be fair, probably not as cold
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: as your area, but it was closed off, so it
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: was pretty chilly. So I'm wrapped up in my electric
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: blanket with my coffee with a hunt of adult beverage.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: What about you? Yes, it is very cold. I am
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: drinking red wine. My mom for Christmas gives me all
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: of his wine, so I'm trying some of them I've
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: never tried before. This is a new one. I think
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: it's like Asian, a bourbon barrel or something. It's good.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: That's a lot that's doing stuff like that.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, they gotta they gotta venture out trying
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: new thing.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: You gotta make it brand new and spaey my mom.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Oh she's so she's got that like Southern it's a
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: deal thing like down Oh yeah, she was like it
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: was six models for this price. Yea, thank you. It's
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: very fact perfect. Okay. So yeah, there is a lot
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: going on in the world right now. I'm sure all
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: of you are aware we are going to be talking
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: about it. This is not this is a a bin wine.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, should have told me, I would have gotten ready.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: It was not. It's not about current events.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: But I.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Have been wanting to talk about this because it's new
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: year and it always comes up in the new year.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But content warning for disordered eating or just anxiety around eating.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: If that's the issue for you, I would say skip
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: this one. Skip it. And that's fine. And it's not
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: We're not going to go to in depth. Samanthas kind
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: of heard me complaining about this recently. I've just my
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: my relationship with food has taken turn that I do
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: not like, and so one of the things I'm working
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: on for the new year is to reverse it. And
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I did have lunch today, Thank you very much.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Congratulations.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, it comes up because in New Year, like you
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: get all these emails from companies that's like, hey, you
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: need to generally like lose weight or do this or
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  Speaker 1: do this, all this like food related stuff, and it's
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: just not great for me. And I want to say,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I hate talking about this because I am on a
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: food show, and so I feel like when I talk
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: about it that people will start doubting that my joy
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: on that show is genuine. But it is very genuine.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I love food, I love learning about food, I love
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: history of food, so it is it's real and I
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: don't think like having some kind of issue around eating
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: is like bars you from that. But I've always been
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: kind of nervous to talk about it because I'm like, oh,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I no, people are gott to think you're a phone.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: You're just like pretending you're so excited about these things
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: and I am. And I also don't like talking about
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: it because there's a lot of I've discussed before, there's
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety I feel well around food, So
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I usually like go last, Like if we're serving, I
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: want to go last because I don't want people to
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  Speaker 1: see heaven forbid, they see what you've got, and so
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I don't like telling people about it, because then I
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: get more in my head about it, like, oh, they're
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: paying more attention to it now. Anyway, the issue is
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  Speaker 1: I've always had like issues around eating. Usually I have
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: to like convince myself like you're doing it for weight loss,
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  Speaker 1: or you're doing it for this, are you doing it
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  Speaker 1: for whatever reason? But it's not about like you're hungrier,
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  Speaker 1: you want to eat, And so recently it's gotten really bad.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to assume it's stress because this did happen
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  Speaker 1: to me in high school, and high school was not
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  Speaker 1: a good time for me. I just don't want to eat.
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  Speaker 1: It's usually better at dinner. I can eat dinner. Lunch
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  Speaker 1: has become a That's why I'm so like, oh my gosh,
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  Speaker 1: I hate lunch today. I'm working on it. I'm working
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  Speaker 1: on it. I have a friend who is a nurse.
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  Speaker 1: I've talked to you about it, and she's like, you know,
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  Speaker 1: some people just that's they only eat one meal day
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: and that's fine. And so I'm trying to figure out
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  Speaker 1: if it's like a I've just changed, Maybe that's it.
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  Speaker 1: But I had a reaction recently that was very telling,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: where I was like, you have to eat you have to.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: I have like alarms where I'm like, go do it,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: and I like try to get into the kitchen and
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: my boy just starts shaking and I was like crying,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I had a fear response
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  Speaker 1: to this, Like it was very eye opening, and I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: had to like talk myself down. I had to do
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: all these things like convince myself to go in there,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: and it kind of afterwards and I did eat afterwards, though,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I kind of had a laugh about it because it's
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: another way I've become like Peaches.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Funny to watch you eat and antagonize you like her.
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  Speaker 1: Is so difficult to get to eat, Like you have
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: to do these things in case you don't know, I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: think listeners probably do. But Peaches is Samantha's dog.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: My dog. That's a little little extra when it comes
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: to food. It's both somehow a game and hoarding. But
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: I can't get her to eat without people. You have
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: to watch her, yeah, or she doesn't eat. And it's
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: also a battle because she wants you to make her angry,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: like it's a weird it's resource guarding, but not like
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to do with her.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It's a delicate dance. The first time I watched Peaches,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: it was I've gotten better at it now, but I like,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: please just.
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  Speaker 2: Eat right essentially, Like that's what we're yelling at her
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  Speaker 2: the entire time.
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  Speaker 1: Everyone just eat. And that's where I am. That's where
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I come on, Please just do it. And the thing
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: is like when I do, it's fine, and when I
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: go out with people, I always enjoy it. I like
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: trying new things, so I don't want people to feel
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: any certain way about, Oh God, she's miserable this whole time.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: That's not what it is. It's just some it's some
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: reaction I've had, and I think I've built it up
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: over the pandemic where I'm just getting used to like
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: eating more. It's I get it so full, so fast,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and it's not fun anyway. I think it's kind of
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: that it's an unholy matrimony of my worst habits. And
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: this is terrible to admit, but to me, eating feels
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: like self care. It feels like you care about yourself.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's hard to convince me, like why should I eat?
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  Speaker 1: I don't care. The fit attitude of twenty twenty has
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: been hard for me to shake. So there's that and
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: I swear I'm not joking about this. I do have
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: something like OCD. I got tested for it and everything.
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  Speaker 1: So I have these things that I have to do,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: numbers wise and volume wise, and now I can't do them,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: which is making me miserable. And like I was also
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: raised the very you know, you can't waste any food,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: which is you know, laudable in some ways. And I
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: don't waste food. But the problem now is I can't
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  Speaker 1: eat that much. So today for lunch, I had soup
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that I made on New Year's Date and I've been
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: eating it. Don't worry I froze it. I'm not taking
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: that risk. But I've been eating it like every day,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: and what is it the twenty third It doesn't make
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  Speaker 1: that much soup. Even I get a little tired of
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: things after a while. So that's begun kind of an issue.
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  Speaker 1: They don't want to waste food, but now it's can
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  Speaker 1: I hate this soup for the twenty third day? I
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: don't know. And I've always hated grocery shopping. I went
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: to the grocery store today. I told Samantha. They completely
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: remodeled it. So I felt like I lost my mind.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, am I in the right place that
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: really makes to trip.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: You up a different version of it, and you're like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: it's on the opposite side.
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  Speaker 1: I was so turned about, but I went right before
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  Speaker 1: the pandemic. I went grocery shopping with a friend and
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: she was like, you know, I almost didn't believe you,
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  Speaker 1: but you're visibly anxious. You really hate this. And I
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: was like, yes, I really hate it, So I have
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: to like build myself up to do that too. It's
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  Speaker 1: just so frustrating. I'm like, this is so silly. Why
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  Speaker 1: are you making this ugh? But I have all these
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  Speaker 1: things and playees that have the clock, the alarms, but
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  Speaker 1: I I've just made it so much worse. I think
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: in some of the way, some ways my like protections
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  Speaker 1: of like the alarm has made it worse. Now I'm
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: more anxious. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: That could be like the when you play a certain
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: sound or a certain song and you hear it repeatedly
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  Speaker 2: as a reminder of something, and it just gives you
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  Speaker 2: more ick than that thing.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I always know it's coming, and no one
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  Speaker 1: likes the alarm, right, Like that sound is meant to
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: be kind of.
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  Speaker 2: Annoying.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also deal in extremes. I think even
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I take healthy things and I turn them into unhealthy things.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: And I'm trying to be better. You know. I've talked
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: about this recently, like finding the middle ground, like you
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: hang out too much or you don't do any I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: need to find the middle ground, right and that's what
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: I need with the with eating, And it does feel
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: sort of like self sabotage, like it's very yeah, good,
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  Speaker 1: Why I don't want to eat? Why should I? I
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: know why I should. It's just it gets hard to
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: care after a certain points, especially if I got tired.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: And actually I was looking this up because I was
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out what in the world is this?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: But it is tied to sleep and lack of sleep.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: You can get very like I'm just too tired to
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: fight this fight right now, I'm just gonna go to bed.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Why should I do it? So it's not good, But
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I have been working on it, and I have made progress.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I ate lunch and dinner yesterday. But I mean, the
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: thing is like it I might just be changing. And
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say there's no stress involved, because
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: clearly there is a panic attack just trying to go
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: into the kitchen. But I have been working on it,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: and I have been adjusting, and I'm like, maybe you
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: just have to have a really small lunch and that's fine.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: So it's one of those things of kind of relearning
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  Speaker 1: how to listen to my body and also accepting it.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I've just changed in some ways and that's okay. But
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: for anyone listening, if you relate, I see you. But
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: also I want you to know I do for all
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: of this. I do love food, and I love sharing
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: meals with people. I love sharing meals with you, Samantha, Like,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: it's not it's just when I'm alone, I think it
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: gets really bad. But you see me. I get full
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: and I'll get sick. Yeah, but pushed too hard, so
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I gotta be I just gotta be more vigilant. But yeah,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: all those New Year's messages don't help. And that's the
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: thing is none of this is a like about weight
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: loss or anything like that. This is just some kind
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: of stress, something that's happened. But yeah, here's hoping I
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: will have better eating habits in the year and I'll
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: be able to reconnect more with that joy that I
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: do have. But I would love to build it, build
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: it up more because I miss it. I miss when
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: you like take that first bite to something and it's
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: just so amazing instead of me being like, I hope
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not sick later. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for coming along
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: on this ramble with me. As always, we hope all
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: of you are well. I know it's tough out there,
• 14:00
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• 14:02
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• 14:05
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• 14:09
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• 14:13
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• 14:19
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• 14:25
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• 14:27
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• 14:30
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