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Relationship series: The importance of trust! · Spending time with Dr. Christina

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  Hello everyone and welcome back to my podcast
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  spending time with dr. Christina We're in season
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  9 episode 2 of the relationship series and now
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  we're talking about trust and we're talking about
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  trust because just like maturity it's foundational
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  to any relationship and Essentially if there's
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  no trust in a relationship Whether it is interpersonal
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  relationship, you know where you're in this relationship
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  whether it's a marriage or boyfriend girlfriend
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  so on and so on or even a work relationship if
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  you don't trust your boss it's really just not
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  a healthy situation so let's talk about trust
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  and what that means and and what it should look
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  like because if you're in a relationship And
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  you don't trust a person. This essentially means
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  you can't rely on this person. This person is
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  someone that you have to go behind them. You
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  have to make sure they're gonna do what they're
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  gonna do, especially if it's a work relationship.
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  If it's an interpersonal relationship, you may
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  find yourself overthinking about a matter. And
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  so let's deal with that right now. What should
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  trust look like in any situation? When you trust
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  someone and we know that people make mistakes
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  and you know we're not infallible but when you
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  trust someone you have a strong belief of reliability
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  in this person and what they can do and what
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  they should do and what they're capable of. In
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  a sense I guess part of our brain kind of predicts
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  their behavior and we know that when we trust
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  them it is always favorable and it's always good.
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  But when you don't trust someone, you may find
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  yourself always overthinking a matter, always
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  trying to figure things out. And I want to stop
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  there and say, hey, that is not a healthy thing
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  to do. Because sometimes when that type of behavior
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  happens, it means that it's something inside
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  of you versus the person. Now, when you trust
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  someone, they have clearly expressed a trustworthiness
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  to you. It again means you can rely on them.
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  But if you find yourself not trusting a person,
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  then this is problematic and essentially it means
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  what are you willing to take from people and
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  what is your own self -worth? Now I mentioned
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  early on that no one is perfect, but I want to
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  be very clear about something. When you trust
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  someone and you're in a relationship with this
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  person, whether it's person to person or person
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  to boss and so on and so forth, there is a reliability,
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  there is a strength, there is a commitment to
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  that relationship. But when you don't trust someone,
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  then you have behaviors that are not trustworthy.
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  This means that this person is repeatedly failing
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  you in a certain area They're not able to deliver
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  on your expectations expectations sometimes This
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  can be something attributed to that person. We'll
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  deal with that in a later episode, but overall
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  if a person has done Certain behaviors, then
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  you know that this person is not trustworthy.
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  Let's give some very basics about this You're
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  in a relationship. You find a person repeatedly
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  treating on you Well, is this a marriage relationship
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  a boyfriend a girlfriend? It doesn't matter Well
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  to a degree it doesn't matter when you are in
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  a committed relationship A person should be on
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  the same page as you write It's not that they
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  can say, hey, I'm married, but I can just step
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  out whenever I want to. Oh, I just have a girlfriend.
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  Oh, I can just step out whenever I want to. No,
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  it should be a commitment there and a trustworthiness
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  there in order to perform in that capacity. Right.
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  And when I say perform, I meaning, hey, I'm committed.
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  I'm involved. I'm on the same page as you. And
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  I want this relationship. Same thing in employment.
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  You're at work. You should be able to rely on
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  your boss to do certain things to get your pay
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  raises in to get your bonuses in to promote you
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  To do all of these things that are part of the
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  work environment to not leave you there with
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  equipment That doesn't work not make your job
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  harder than what it is, but there is a certain
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  expectation That should be easy enough to perform.
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  It's just like drinking water and breathing air
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  however again When there's no trust there, then
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  these particular events just don't happen favorably.
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  When there is trust there, you can count on this
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  person to, hey, I'm not able to do this, they
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  acknowledge certain things that I'm not able
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  to do, then I will do this at a later time. That
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  is trustworthiness. It's an admission. It's telling
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  you what's going on. They care, they're thinking
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  about the situation that you're facing or that
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  you may need, and they're addressing it. I know
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  of a few different examples I'd like to share
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  when there's a failure in trust, when trust breaks
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  down. Trust breaks down saying a personal relationship
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  anytime you have to go and check someone's phone
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  and text messages and Internet and things like
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  that. I knew someone That would always check
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  her and we just go back just to high school friends
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  would always check her her husband's information
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  and his emails and things like that to see what
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  he's up to why because he broke the trust at
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  one point and She continues to think in the back
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  of her mind even though she's there that he's
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  gonna do it again and when you trust someone
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  and We're gonna have another visit of forgiveness
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  I've talked about this in some of the Bible studies
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  But I'm gonna talk about that here on this series
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  about forgiveness because see When someone breaks
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  your trust whether it's an employee or a personal
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  relationship and you have to rebuild And I say
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  have to only when the two agree about rebuilding.
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  So if you're on this path to rebuilding because
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  you don't have to it's just a matter of if you
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  care enough to rebuild this relationship. So
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  if both are involved and both want to repair
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  the relationship, forgiveness is involved and
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  you have to forgive completely. Now there's a
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  book that I love to share with a lot of people.
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  and it has been a blessing to a lot from what
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  I understand and I know it's a good book and
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  it's a series and it's a video you can get it
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  in a workbook but essentially it's called forgiven
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  what you can't forgive and it's by Lisa terst
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  and I'll spell that it's L Y S A and the last
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  name is T E R K E U R S T and forgive me if I
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  mispronounced to the author however this is a
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  very good book because when she talks about forgiving
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  what you can't forgive she actually had a journey
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  to forgiveness and she talks about a lot of different
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  examples. It could be really helpful to so many
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  of you out there. I know this book is at Walmart,
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  it's at Amazon, but it's essential to help a
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  lot of you people move forward. Those that want
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  to trust people and those that want to repair
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  trust that's broken. So many times we don't know
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  other people's experiences and we get into relationships
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  even work relationships say your boss is always
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  making promises to you and then this person is
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  gone they don't deliver on a promotion or something
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  like that then you get a new boss and your boss
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  your new boss is making promises to you well
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  the first thing you want to do is don't put this
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  new person in the same category as the other.
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  Let's give the benefit of the doubt. But when
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  trust is broken, we have to do the work on the
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  inside first in order to not put other people
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  in different categories that they are breaking
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  trust and they are not able to perform the way
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  you expect them to. And really, when I say perform
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  the way you expect them to, that can be an internal
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  Issue something you have to work out in yourself
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  to wholeheartedly Believe in new people trust
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  in new people and not take that baggage into
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  a new relationship So going forward when we think
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  about on another scale Relationships and how
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  people can fail us you have to be able to if
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  you're going to stay involved with that person
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  wholeheartedly forgive wholeheartedly start that
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  path to trusting again. Because when you bring
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  that old baggage into situations, when you see
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  certain things that may not be what you think
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  they are, then you're just in a pattern of defeat.
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  The goal should always be to have a healthy relationship.
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  And healthy means dealing with issues the way
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  that they come. Walking in complete forgiveness
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  and trusting wholeheartedly without the baggage.
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  We're going to revisit this topic again in another
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  episode, but this is the end of this message
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  and I hope it was a help to many of you. We're
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  going to continue talking about related topics
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  and relationships. Trust and maturity are only
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  half the battle. I hope it was a help to you
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  and until the next time, I wish you all a very
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  good week.