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The Watch I Wasn't Ready to Wear: On Possible Selves and Becoming Who You're Meant to Be · insyed; cozy psychology

• 0:00
  Welcome to INSyed, a podcast where I tell a short
• 0:02
  story and the psychology behind what happens.
• 0:06
  Let me tell you about how I wore my grandfather's
• 0:09
  watch before I felt ready. A story and the psychology
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  of why the feeling never comes first. Like a
• 0:15
  diary that did its self -help homework. Let's
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  take a peek INSyed. I stared at the picture
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  my parents sent in the family group chat. It
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  had a metal body with an orange dial. It was
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  clean and elegant. Something that you can tell
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  needed to be taken proper care of. But all that
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  I could do was feel some kind of weight anchoring
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  me down, sinking me. All that I could do was
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  look up and reach my hand out to someone that
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  seemed so far away. Why did I feel this way?
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  What did my parents send in the family group
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  chat? Well, my brother got me a watch. Ten minutes
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  ago, I get a video call from my dad halfway across
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  the world. With the sun still shining out my
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  window and it was already dark where he was,
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  he called me because he wanted to show me the
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  gifts and souvenirs my brother got for us on
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  his trip with his family. Although he's my older
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  brother, I got to see him grow up in front of
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  me. From playing split -screen Call of Duty together
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  to having a successful career and a family of
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  his own. I wanted to be just like him. I could
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  never be as accomplished as he was, to be as
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  responsible, to grow up and bear the weight of
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  the world. But when my dad ended the call and
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  the day turned to night, the watch that my brother
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  got me kept circling my mind. Although nothing
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  had changed, at the same time nothing was the
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  same. I was still back in my dorm room, still
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  thousands of kilometers away from my home and
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  my family. It's not like I had the watch with
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  me, but it reminded me of one that I brought
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  with me here. I got out of bed to scour and rummage
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  through my things until I found it. It had its
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  own metal body, its own dial, this time blue
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  instead of orange. It was my watch. More than
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  that, my late grandfather's watch. It was heavier
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  than I remembered, or maybe I never noticed the
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  weight of it before. It was quiet. The tiny gears
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  inside weren't broken, just still. It didn't
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  run on a battery, but it was mechanical. Therefore,
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  it only kept time if someone wore it. But I sat
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  there, hesitating. I can't take care of something
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  so important. I'm not responsible enough. But
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  I thought I'd put it on anyway. And what I felt
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  wasn't discomfort, at least not at first. Clasping
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  the wash on, I started flicking my wrist to get
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  the hands to start ticking. Slowly, it started
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  coming back to life. I didn't know why I felt
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  the opposite instead. So I decided to get moving
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  once more and clean up the consequences of my
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  rummaging. I put away my luggage bag, cleaned
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  up my bed, and just like that, not only was time
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  moving forward, but so was I. By the time I had
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  finished, my watch didn't feel as heavy anymore.
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  It felt like mine. Like it had always been. I
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  just hadn't put it on. I didn't realize what
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  happened at first, so I went online that night
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  and learned that psychologists call this possible
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  selves, where who we are is never just about
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  now. but also about who we can be. And since
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  I'd spent years washing my brother grow, I had
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  front row seats in seeing someone become a version
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  that seemed so out of reach, a version that took
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  so long to form. I didn't realize my grandfather's
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  wash, which now rests on my desk, was sitting
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  in the same place in my mind, not as a gift,
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  not an heirloom, but a future I hadn't earned
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  yet. I didn't feel capable, but I decided to
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  wear the wash anyways. And by slowly doing the
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  things future me would do, I could bring him
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  closer to where I am now. Because it turns out,
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  we were the same all along. I wonder how many
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  of us are carrying the watch we haven't put on
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  yet, some version of ourselves inherent or imagined
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  sitting in a drawer because we're waiting to
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  feel ready for us. If there's one thing this
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  taught me, it's that the feeling was never going
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  to come first. So I'll ask you what I wish someone
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  had asked me earlier. What have you been waiting
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  to feel ready for? And what would happen if you
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  just put it on? And that brings us to the end
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  of this week's INSyed. Thank you for spending
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  your time here, and I hope you learned something
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  helpful today. If you did, the best way you can
• 4:37
  support is to tell a friend about this podcast.
• 4:40
  You can also subscribe wherever you listen. Thank
• 4:43
  you again for tuning in and leaving a review
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  if you did. It definitely keeps me going. But
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  until next week. Remember that there's always
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  more, INSyed.