Latest / Mathis Family Talks / Who Makes the First Move After 41 Years of Marriage? | Ep. 12

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Who Makes the First Move After 41 Years of Marriage? | Ep. 12 · Mathis Family Talks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Making the first move. You've already been caught. You're talking
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: about pursuing you? You've already been caught when you're with them.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: When you're with them.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Mr.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Judge.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Mr.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Judge, this is ongoing. Not just being caught.
• 0:16
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's it.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: It's ongoing, the pursuit of being... aggressive toward my name.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: You went through another person.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: I was liking you a little bit, too, but I
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: would have never, ever pursued you.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: I would have never told a friend to let you know.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Hey, baby, let me holler at you.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Excuse me?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Let me holler at you.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: Holler what at me?
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going to kick it with you for a minute.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Kick it how?
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: You know, whatever it is.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Abuse me?
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: No.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: I don't understand what you're saying.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I'm Judge Greg Mathis.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: And I am Linda Mathis.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Mathis Family Talks. We've been married 41 years
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: and four years before then. That means we've been together forever.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Forty five years. And we want couples to know what
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: it takes to get 45 years of seeing each other
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: and 41 years of marriage is not an easy task.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: And we're going to talk about it and tell folks
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: what it takes to keep it steamy, to keep it interesting.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: to keep the desire going, and to just enjoy his
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: other company after 44 years. 45, I like to include
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: them all.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Takes a lot to stay together after 41 years.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: You have to keep what?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: You got to keep the interest in there. You have
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: to keep the steam in there. You have to keep
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: the romance in there.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: You're just learning each other every single day. Yes.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot to it to maintain. It's just
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: not those first several years, which is what I thought.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I thought only the first several years is when you
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: had to maintain a romance and intimacy was so important. Instead,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: shifted over to family man. So I went from single
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: man to family man almost immediately upon marriage. So I
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: think how that proceeded made a difference in the relationship.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: And everyone who's had a family or children, it gets
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: a little different when they come on board, if you will. So.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think in the early years, I probably had
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: a lot of expectations that some of them were realistic
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: and some weren't. I think we had different expectations, most definitely,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: in what it would take to keep our marriage together
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: in the early years. I think that things have changed, though,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: over the years, most definitely. You know, we went through
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: a lot of different phases when it came to first
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: getting together before we were married. And truth be told,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, we were together together for those four years.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: And spending time together and staying together.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: And then marriage came. And then those kids came.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: So it most definitely has been some transitional periods throughout
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: the marriage.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: And see, what folks need to know is once the
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: family and the children and you begin building a family
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: and you have children, you have to stay on track
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: and not allow the family institution to consume the relationships.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: which is what I believe happened, at least in my regard. Uh,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: my focus shifted from you and making you happy and
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: et cetera to how do I raise this family properly? Uh,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and truth be told, never was a big romantic person. Uh,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Your dad never told or showed me that part. I
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: always put everything on your dad in terms of me
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: being a husband and a father. He's the only one
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  Speaker 1: I learned it from. Didn't have a father, I always
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: have to say. Didn't have an uncle. Mother didn't have
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: a boyfriend. Never dated a man in the 18 years
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  Speaker 1: that I knew her. And so I ain't know nothing
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: about how to treat a woman other than bad. And
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  Speaker 1: so the things I learned was from your dad. And
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  Speaker 1: he didn't teach me how to be romantic. I didn't
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  Speaker 1: see a whole lot of romance. I saw him scooting
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: next to mama and I and laying there when we
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: were all together. But I saw.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Well, we want to talk about my parents and their relationship.
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  Speaker 2: That's all I saw was romance growing up.
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  Speaker 4: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: Well, he must have been ashamed when he got around me,
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  Speaker 1: like most men are when they get around their buddies.
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  Speaker 3: My dad was always, most definitely.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, one thing I remember distinctively when I was
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: growing up, my fight dad used to do, he used
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: to come home from work.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: We'd have dinner together as a family. Then he would
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: lay on the couch, watch the 6 o'clock news, just
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: lay on the couch. And guess who would lay right
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: on top of him was my mom.
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  Speaker 2: You know, this is what I remember from my childhood.
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  Speaker 2: And that's when I think when I got with you,
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  Speaker 2: I had those same expectations.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I expect you to lay on top of me
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: when I laid on the couch. What happened? Why didn't
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: you lay on top of me like your mother did?
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  Speaker 3: I'm hot.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: No, I'm too hot.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: But we just had a different type of relationship maybe
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: in the beginning. And most definitely, that's why I said
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: the expectations changed for me as far as the romance,
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: because I knew who you were.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: We had communication in a different type of way. You know,
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  Speaker 3: I think over the.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Years our romance has changed, and it's okay because I
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: think I like what we have. And I like the
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  Speaker 2: fact that I don't have a lot of expectations for
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  Speaker 2: you to do these grand gestures. That's not important to me.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: What's important to me is what you put in every day,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: you know. And it doesn't have to be, like I say,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: big gestures. It doesn't have to be, hey, every day
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: we have to go to the movie. Every day we
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: have to go out on a date, you know. My
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: day can happen right here at home, or my time
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: with you can happen right here at home.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: That's what you said when I tried to take you
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: out the other night.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: You're right.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So let me... What's that say? I'd rather stay home.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So let me just catch folks up, if you will,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: because one of the episodes we talked about my challenges
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: with romance and relationships... over the years since our dating
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: and marriage. And I think my biggest flaw was not
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: paying attention, giving you the attention. And instead, once again,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: we had the attention in college. All of us focused
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: on you. We spent most of our time together. By
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: the time I left college, the focus began first on
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: my career, and that was only one year worth of
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: total focus. Then the focus became April, the niece that
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: we raised, my brother, Ken's daughter. So that was one
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: year after marriage. So the focus was making sure this
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: triangle of ours worked and making sure that happened. Although
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: we had good times and great times, I'm just thinking
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: of my focus. And I kind of, it was an imbalance.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I did not have a balanced approach to our relationship
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: and I think I've learned that in recent years that
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: that's what's necessary you have to balance out your role
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: you know folks say you got to have a balance
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: your work and home life or whatever they say about
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  Speaker 1: that well you got to balance your home and romance life.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: And you're right because most definitely in the early years
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  Speaker 2: I think I used to complain a lot About the
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  Speaker 2: small things, too. Remember, I was a hand-holder. And you
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't know about this, you know.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: I wanted hugs. I wanted public affection.
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  Speaker 2: That was absolutely no when it came to you.
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  Speaker 3: You didn't want to give a kiss in public.
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  Speaker 2: And that's probably just because of the way you were
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  Speaker 2: raised and the way just maybe that macho thing.
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  Speaker 1: No question about it. And let me tell my sisters
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  Speaker 1: who are watching who have that same downside to their
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: relationship with a man. who thinks that it's goofy or
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  Speaker 1: square to show public affection and to hold hands and
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: open doors. That was ridiculed when I grew up. We
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: were ridiculed, and you would get ridiculed if you did
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  Speaker 1: any of that. That's what I say. We didn't learn
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  Speaker 1: how to treat women properly, those without fathers, those without examples,
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  Speaker 1: those without someone teaching us, and we didn't see much. Nonetheless,
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  Speaker 1: not knowing that it was a positive part of life
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: as opposed to a lame part of life or she
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: got his nose open. Those were the negative.
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  Speaker 3: Things people used to say.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh. That makes a difference.
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  Speaker 1: Yes. And so, ladies, that's what I'm telling you. Don't
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  Speaker 1: think that your man don't want you. Don't think he
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: don't want to be a nice guy. But he grew
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: up and his mindset and his formative years in many
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  Speaker 1: instances were where you are lame or square to be
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  Speaker 1: holding hands in public and kissing in public. That's how
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  Speaker 1: I was raised, and that's how too many men were raised.
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  Speaker 4: And you know what's so great about that, to be honest,
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  Speaker 4: is growing up, you taught us the exact opposite because
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  Speaker 4: I learned how to always open door for women, do
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  Speaker 4: all the, you know, what is it called?
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  Speaker 1: Chivalry?
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  Speaker 4: Chivalry. I learned all my chivalry from.
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  Speaker 1: You telling me.
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  Speaker 4: And it's great because you saw what you, lacked, I guess,
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  Speaker 4: and you taught us a different way as a father.
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  Speaker 1: Didn't want to make it generational. And even though as
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  Speaker 1: I was teaching y'all, I still didn't have, you know,
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  Speaker 1: stuff got to be in you. It has to be
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: in you. You can't bring something out that has never
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: been deposited. Right. And I think that's been the biggest
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  Speaker 1: challenges in my life is that people expect me to
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  Speaker 1: deliver things I've never had, I've never gotten. And that's
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: on all levels of society, not just relationships. And to
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: that extent, I think, yeah, I lacked a lot of
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  Speaker 1: romance in the typical way or in the way you
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: would have preferred. On the other hand, we had our
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: own forms of romance and I find simple things romantic.
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  Speaker 2: I most definitely do because people now are using these
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  Speaker 2: terms of date your mate, things such as these grandiosities
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  Speaker 2: of just.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Approach to going out.
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  Speaker 3: Approach of going out, trips, and all those things.
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  Speaker 2: All those things are nice and fun, but to me,
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  Speaker 2: I am a simple person, a simple woman, and I
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: don't have.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: To have all of that all the time. Of course.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: we like it sometimes or I like it sometimes, but
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I don't have to have it all the time.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite, uh, right now, what's your favorite times
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: or the favorite activities me and you engage in?
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: Favorite times.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: And perhaps has a romantic, uh, spin to it.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: You know, some of my favorite times and people might
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: not see this as romantic, but, um, I've stated before
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: that my family is so important to me. I love
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: the fact that sometimes when we're with the grandkids and
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: just seeing them have a good time, we're together, you
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: and I, and just taking them to get ice cream,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: and it just shows me what we built in our relationship.
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  Speaker 3: You know how far we've come.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: But you're doing the same thing that you did with
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: our kids that cost us the very romance that you
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: say we're missing. We're focusing on them instead of focusing
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: on ourselves.
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  Speaker 3: I never said I was missing romance.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: That's true. You didn't say you were missing it. Not
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: in the last two years. I will say I didn't
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: give it. I will say I didn't give it.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: What you learn to not have sometimes... And I'm.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Just kidding because that is very romantic to pick the
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: kids up from school together. which I do with the
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: often and go and have ice cream.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: And it's about what kind of feelings I get from it.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: And so I do get some, I get good feelings.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: When we choose to go out to maybe to a
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: jazz club, have dinner and listen to music. You know,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I have fun with that too, but I'm saying there's
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: a variety of things that I like now where maybe
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: in the past I was always looking for that romantic gesture.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Okay. So let's come up with some things we've done
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: that we consider romantic and Say in the last month
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: or two months since folks who buried this long probably
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: couldn't tell us what they've done romantic, but they probably
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: don't know it was romantic. So let's talk about things
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: because you might not know some of the things I felt.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: They were romantic. That you feel are romantic.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: You want me to start first? If you'd like to, yes.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: We went on the boat a few weeks ago, just
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: you and I, boat riding, although we traumatized. ourselves because
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: we couldn't park that big joker no more we had
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: road in it it's so long we didn't know how
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: to park anymore i almost hit the man's dock i.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Think romance was kind of like this because i during
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: the trip i was thinking about how we gonna get
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: this boat back in Okay, I got to get on
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: top of this boat and try to make sure he
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: don't hit the side of the dock. So that kind
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: of took away a little bit from.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: It, me worrying.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I was worried all the way through. Were you? I was.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: All I thought about is how are we going to
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: get this boat in? But, yeah, those are some of
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: the things most definitely.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And what else this month would you say?
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: We did, like I said, we did dinner jazz club.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: That was cool. Yep.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: We also– Maybe in the last two months. Detroit, didn't
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: we do Detroit together and walk down?
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Are we sitting here saying, uh, because of the fact
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: that we stated the fact that, you know.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: The romance is there, and it doesn't have to be
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: grand gestures.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: We can be sitting at home sometimes, and what, 9,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: 10 o'clock come, I'm making that phone call down to
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: you saying, hey.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: Hey. It's a party up here.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about what we did do. I'm trying to
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: let these folks know what they can do. We walked
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: from our home in Detroit to downtown, which isn't very far,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: and then we went into the casino downtown and lost
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: all our money at the slot machines. Now, I don't
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: know how many of you all think it's romantic to
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: lose money, but that day it was romantic losing your money. Yeah.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Then we walked back home from downtown Detroit at the casino,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: and I really enjoyed that.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: Do you all still hold hands when you do those walks?
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: We do sometimes, yes.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do when it comes to me, when it
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: comes to mine, and perhaps once again.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we might even hug each other walking.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yes, it depends on how.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: It has to come to mind. We got to talk
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: about her waiting on everything. We have to talk about
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: her being a waiter because that has always been something
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: that bothered me. Because then you act like I'm not
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: doing something right.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: You have to understand the person.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: So sometimes you want to feel wanted.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: No, I got to get this out. You have to
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: understand the person, how they were raised.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: You talked about how you were raised. I got to
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: talk about how I was raised.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Well, come lay on top of me like your mama
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: used to do your daddy.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: Hey, that was her thing.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: No, go ahead, though.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: But how I was raised and how I always operated.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Was, I have never.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Man, you make the first move.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Go ahead. Am I getting mocked now, people?
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: I'm just telling you, I'm a woman who expects a
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: man to be aggressive with her. I've never, ever. Like
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: a boy, like in high school, I would like somebody.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: They would never know because I wasn't going to make
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: any gestures toward them. If they did not make gestures
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: toward me or tried to talk to me.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Let me be a lawyer here. So if you weren't
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: receiving the romance you were giving that you needed, rather,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: you would rather go without the romance. and stick to
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: this code of wait on the man to go first
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: all the time. You would rather go missing without the
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: romance when, in fact, you could get whatever you felt
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: you were missing if you initiated it.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Again, as I talked about before, in the beginning of
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: our marriage, that was a topic of conversation all the
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: time about I need you to do this, I need
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: you to do that, and you couldn't do it for me.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: So therefore, was I going to continue to argue about
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: it or continue to press it when that just wasn't
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: in you?
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: I had to learn that this is not him.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: But what we're saying is you making the first move
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: if I don't. And that's what I'm talking about. You're
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: saying you don't believe in woman or you didn't. You
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: weren't you were raised not to believe or want. to
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: believe that a woman shouldn't make the first move. And
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'm saying if you have needs, then if you don't,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense not to make the first move
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: and get your needs met because the other person isn't
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: making the first move.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I'll say then that therefore my needs will not be
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: met because I enjoy the fact of being pursued.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: So if I have to pursue that person, that's not
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: meeting my needs.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: If I have to say, Hey, I want you to
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: be with me or be around me.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: That's not, again, fulfilling my needs of being pursued.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: We're talking about couples, though. We're talking about couples, and
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: one might want to touch the other one on the leg.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And so instead, you say, well, I'm going to wait
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: until she touches me on the leg. If she don't
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: touch me on the leg, I don't want to touch
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: her on the leg. Or I'm going to wait and
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: ask her for a kiss since she don't want– Yeah,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Think it's that simple and that cut and dry. I'm
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: probably talking about just an overall, probably about a percentage
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: of a time of what I expect from my mate
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: or wanted from a man that was in my life,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: and I always wanted that. To be part of the
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: romance part is that person pursuing me.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Making the first move. You've already been caught.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: You're talking about pursuing you? You've already been caught.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: When you're with them.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: This is ongoing.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: When you're with them.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Mr.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Judge.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: Mr. Judge, this is ongoing.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Not just being caught. Okay, and that's it.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: It's ongoing, the pursuit of love. of being um aggressive
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: toward my mate.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: And if and if and and you aren't why and
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: you aren't because of uh the things in your early
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: life as i have the flaws in my early life
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: i don't see it.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: As a flaw in my part because i see it
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: as something that um there was this formulated over the
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: fact that well That's what made me feel happy was
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: for someone to pursue me.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Well, I think mine is a flaw, and I think
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: yours approaches a flaw. I do. I think that if
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: you have a need for something, you go for it.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Even if another person isn't giving you what you need,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: you go for it. Now, if the person say no consistently,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: not when they got, you know, something wrong or something
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: on their mind or whatever the case is, don't have
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: the desire consistently rejects your overtures, then I think you
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: have a problem. And I would stop if I consistently
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: reach out and, make the first move and i'm always
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: rejected no i wouldn't end but uh i think that
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: a person should meet their needs if and if i
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: want me some at night and you sleep I might
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: wake you up. That's to meet my needs. I'm not
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: going to sit there. Well, the courteous thing would be
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: to say, well, she's asleep, but that ain't being courteous.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I want to meet my needs. I'm waking you up.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: And so that's what I mean. You want your needs met.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: You need to be courteous, and I'm going to let
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: him make the first move, or I'm going to let
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: her stay asleep. Or you say, no, I want my
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: needs met.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Hey, hey, hey.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Turn that booty around here.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Again, the needs are that I want to be pursued.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: That's the need.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: All right, you all, so we have some write-in questions,
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: and I want to share them with you. So first
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: one is from Monique. She's 43 years old, and she says,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: My husband swears he's still romantic, but I think his
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: definition of romance is very different from mine. After 41
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: years together, How romantic would you rate each other from
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: 1 to 10? And what score would you give each other?
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: I think we kind of just talked about the fact
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: that our romance comes in different forms and different shapes.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: And I would say.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: As far as how I want romance to be in
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: my life, I would say I would give us a 7.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I say 8.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: You know, because there's things, of course, any couple needs
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: to keep working on. But like I said, I don't
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: need the big gestures of maybe once or twice a year,
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: but not every day. Yeah, I would say about a seven.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I would say eight. Those men always think
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: they're doing more than they really are.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: You surprise me sometimes with flowers. I like that, and
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I say, wow, you know, he thought about me while
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I was out. You've come home with, or you always,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: when you're out, you always call me and say, hey.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I'm out, so-and-so, so would you like me to get
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: you something to eat? You know, that's what I'm talking about.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: The small gestures like that make a difference.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: And that's romantic. Because I think, hey, you thought about me.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: That's an easy solution. I just start working the phone,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: and you'll be fine.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: Dad, I'm telling you, you do the dishes before she
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: gets home.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, don't start that.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: I'm just saying.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Why would you do that? All I'm saying is you
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: will be rewarded. Why would you do that?
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: You will be.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I'm already getting rewarded. Why you going to throw something
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: on top of it? Mike, what kind of son are you?
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: But it's the small things.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Tell us how you clean the bathrooms. That's my job.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: I'd rather do the dishes in the bathroom.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: You'd rather wipe a toilet than wipe some dishes.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, what a thing.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: That's what he's used to, he says.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: That was my job as a child. My brothers had
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: other jobs. My only job was to clean that one
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: little bathroom we had. And so that was so easy.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I'd take that job any time of the day.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: I do notice things when he does do things similar
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: to that.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Maybe not quite as far as that of washing dishes,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: but the small little things I notice, I say, okay,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: he did that too.
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: How does it make you feel?
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: It makes me feel good.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've gotten better at that now. I've gotten a
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: lot better at that.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: And I've seen it. I think it's because we aren't
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: here to, you know, you can't yell at us.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's exactly it.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: He doesn't have his maids.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I don't have my butlers.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: Yes, you don't have those anymore. So you say, okay,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: either it gets done by me or Linda's going to
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: have to do it.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: Another question that we have is Keisha. She's 38 years old.
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: I don't need big gifts, but I do want to
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: feel like my husband still thinks of me and still
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: chooses me. What has your spouse done recently that made
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: you feel loved or considered?
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: She saw me struggling with my internet and stepped in
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: to help relieve me of one of the biggest challenges ever.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: consistent challenges I have in my life that frustrates me
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: very often.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: That is romantic.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's romance too. Oh, she really cares and she's
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: looking out for me. That's right, baby. Fix that thing.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And I can say something maybe as small as when
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: he's getting up maybe to take his plate off the
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: table to look over at me and say, hey, are
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: you done also?
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: And take mine. Something small as that. And I think, okay,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: thought about me.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: See? Didn't cost a thing.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: Doesn't cost very much.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: So here we have a question from Nicole. She's 46
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: years old. My husband was much more intentional when we
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: were dating. Now I feel like marriage, work, and routine
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: have taken over. What did romance look like when you
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: were younger compared to what romance looks like in your
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: marriage today? And I guess how can we get back
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: to those days?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Well, it looked in college where we met and began dating.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: It looked like being together all the time from, I
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: think we even took a class or two together. But
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: it was about us spending time, doing a day, doing
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: our work, afterwards eat together, then homework together, then whatever
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: pleasures we're having that evening, doing that together. So that
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: was college. But of course, when you get into your
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: career and building a family, yes, that changes. And so-
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: The change occurred immediately after, in my opinion, me leaving
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: college a year earlier than you. Because the routine drastically changed.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: And to this day, I don't know what you were
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: doing up on that campus when I left. I ain't
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: going to mention that. In fact, I asked some of
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: our buddies from Eastern just a few months ago. I said,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: now y'all can tell me, man. It's been 45 years.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: When I graduated earlier than Linda... Did she mess around
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: with anybody? Because we were still college age. What did
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: your spies tell you? They said, well, some guys used
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: to be over there talking to Regina and such and such.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Regina was my roommate.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, your best friend and roommate. And they were over
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: there and such and such. So I had to gather
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: from that... that the man was like me and my buddies.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: He didn't come by himself just to see Regina. He
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: bought somebody to see Regina's fine roommate and girlfriend.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: It had a boyfriend. That's what you gathered, that her
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: friends would bring friends for me?
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: You were just really thinking of some stuff to be
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: thinking about. Oh, please, I would.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: If my girlfriend had a friend... as fine as you,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: and she was bringing you over, I would absolutely call
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: my guys and say, hey, such and such, she got
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: a bad girlfriend, and I'm going to have her bring
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: over here so you can meet her.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: This is how the conversation would have went. You would
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: have said, hey, Gina, roommate, she's kind of cute. I
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: got some boys who might want to meet her.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: And she would have said, oh, no, she's already with somebody.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: You can forget about that.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, this is how girls were. We were girls
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: and we took care of each other.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: We didn't try to disrupt each other's lives by bringing
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: in other guys or bringing in stuff like that.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: That's what girls do.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I agree. And you all were.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Girls are different.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: And you all had. good values and uh you had
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: been raised with good values and so yes you are
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: i will agree that that would be what you would
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: have done but guys there's no question about it oh
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: there's no doubt.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: About it they were gonna get in but hey you
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: can think what you want to think right it is
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: what it is i was In a serious, serious relationship.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: But no, things changed dramatically after I left and we
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: went from the stage of going together where we were
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: romantic and holding each other all the time and cuddling
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: at night to having a baby in between us the
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: first year after marriage or within a year of marriage
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: and keeping either a baby or a dog in between
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: us for the ensuing 40 years.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Wow. Uh-huh.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: See? Uh-huh. See, I've been wanting to say, and it's
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: a shame I got to say it publicly.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, because you still had those dogs in the bed, huh? Yeah.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: After the kids left.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: You put them in.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: They want the middle. You know that. So I've been
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: wanting to say this. I'll say it publicly. This is
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: the easiest way I say things on TV. That's when
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: y'all be paying close attention to me on when I'm
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: on television, y'all, because I'm saying stuff that I wouldn't
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: ordinarily say in public. Isn't that crazy? Say stuff in
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: public that you wouldn't say even in private. I would
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: say 50 crazy. That's crazy. But no. April, as you know,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: has a baby. We just talked about how she slept
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: in a bed with us. And then that's just, we
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: had stair steps. And the last baby, this thing over here,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: who was born in 90, He would leave the bed.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: He was like 12, wasn't he? No.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: A good four to five years old.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: And so it really.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: He cried every night after that.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: So put it this way. From 85 to 95, there
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: was a child in the bed. Then from 95 through now.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: There's a dog in the bed. And all of them
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: have wanted to be in the middle. So it kind
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: of gets normalized. Okay, well, we ain't doing that no
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: more as much unless we taking the dog.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: And putting the dog up.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Not every night we did that. That's what I'm referring to,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: the every night romance, holding, and cuddling. That's how that
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: was destroyed, in my opinion. It was for me. Don't
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: you agree we used to do that? In the bed,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: we didn't cuddle and hold each other. So I have
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: a question.
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: Do you think that people, as you get older in
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: your relationship, 41 years, do you think that you truly
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: have to change the narrative in your mind of what
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: romance is? Because those things, it's too hard just with life, children, growing,
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: it's hard to keep that romance from dating. onto a
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: marriage that's gone, you know, 40 plus years? You think
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: people should change their expectations or change the narrative in
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: their mind of what, you know, marriage is and romance is?
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think people should necessarily, I don't know what
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: their mindset might be in order to determine whether to change.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: But I think that people should understand that marriages evolve.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: And in that sense, it's evolving into stages, as Linda said.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: And At the latter stages, in the middle of the third,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: beginning of the fourth quarter of life and of marriage,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I think those perspectives are a lot different than they
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: are when you're in the middle of life or you're
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: in the early points of life. You're in the first
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: half of life. And so in that sense, yes, I
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: think they change and the expectations also change, at least
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: for me.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: They most definitely change because you need different things as
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: you get older. Like right now, you mentioned you need
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: your sleep at nighttime. So right now we have snoring
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: going on. Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: We have interruptions.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: You had to put on earphones. I feel so bad.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, I wear earphones at night because he snores. And
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: so sometimes you have to realize that what you needed
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: then is not what you need now. Because I can
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: walk around sometimes looking comatose because I'm sleep deprived because
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I didn't get a good night's sleep. You know, we
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: have dogs that might wake up in the middle of
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: the night and need to go out.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: You say what you might have needed back then. All
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: you needed to do now is sleep when you needed
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: a lot more. That's funny. But, yeah, you are right. So, yeah,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: that things change. And your objective change. You're right. All
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: we want now is a good night's sleep. That's more
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: romance than anything. It's the wake up and say, did
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: you sleep good?
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: That's pretty funny because that is a question that Marcus
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: 44 asked. My wife and I have different ideas about
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: what counts as romance. Sometimes what I think is thoughtful
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: barely registers with her. What do you both do that
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: no one else would understand is romantic to you? Is
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: that it? Let each other get a good night's rest?
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Ooh, a good night's rest, because sometimes it also.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Involves moving to another bedroom.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, correct.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: To get that full, the rest of the night.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Because we laugh about how 3 o'clock, for some reason,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: you're waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, then you have to get back to sleep.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: So sometimes it takes, you might want the TV on,
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: I don't want the TV on. So sometimes it takes
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: one person to migrate someplace else so that that good
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: night's sleep happens.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Or if it's too hot or too cold. That's a
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: biggie for me.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: I'm always cold, you're hot.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Correct. And so there's a variety of reasons that can
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: determine whether you have had a romantic night.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: Of course, top on the list.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Our romantic night usually starts in the beginning, so that's cool.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: And the rest of the night is about sleep.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Y'all didn't miss that. Our romantic night starts at the
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: beginning of entering the bedroom. We don't just lay there
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: and get cold and hot and sleep and wake up. No.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: There's a lot going on. It's a major production, y'all.
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, that romantic night could start when you
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: do the dishes.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: Why are you so stuck?
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Your woman must make you do dishes.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: He wouldn't come to bed in a romantic mood.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: He would come looking like this after having done the dishes.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: I am projecting my relationship on you.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: People need different things. You're right.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: But the thing is, if he were to do the dishes,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: all I would hear was, well, Linda, where does this go?
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Right. That's exactly what you would hear from me. So
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: and so and so.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I don't understand how this works. I'm trying to get
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: the dishwasher on, and I can't. Can you come help me?
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: So it wouldn't be relaxation for me. It would not
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: be romantic for me.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Romance would be, I do the dishes, I clean the kitchen,
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: and therefore, he can do something else.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: All right, here's a good one, too.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: Tanya51.
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: I love my husband, but there are things I wish
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: he would do more often. And after asking so many times,
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: I eventually stopped bringing them up. Is there anything you
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: still want romantically from each other that you've stopped asking for?
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: And I guess that kind of leads to, you know,
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: to add on to this is like, how do you
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: keep those? How do you keep asking someone for something
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: if you've exhausted yourself of asking and you don't get it?
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: That's pretty scary.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: I stopped asking, but you're asking, is there anything that
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I've stopped asking for?
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: Well, let's start with her question. Is there anything you
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: still want romantically from each other that you stopped asking for?
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: You know, I think over time you learn your partner.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: And if it's not anything that's going to be detrimental
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: to your relationship, I guess I would probably say, okay, well,
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: this isn't something he can do for me. And I
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: would hope it's not anything, like I said, that would
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: cause me to.
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: Resent that person.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I'll resent it. You know what I'm saying? She
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: hopes that doesn't affect something else. Yeah, and, you know,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: I don't resent what I stopped asking you for. You know,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I stopped, yeah, I've been kept asking a certain type
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: of sex. She never said yes, so I just stopped
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: asking for it.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Is that so?
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: I stopped trying. Get your hand from me. Yeah, but,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: you know, I play about keep asking and stop asking
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: for a certain type of sex or whatever. But, no,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: the reality is that I have a problem with rejection.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: And not just from my family or anything. This is
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: in my business life, et cetera. I probably miss out
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: on a lot because I'm scared of the word no
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: because of the emotion that it gives me. It might
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: affect me perhaps different than others, but it really affects
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: me and it discourages me from continuing to ask things.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: So I would say a fear of rejection is something
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: that sets in quick with me so that if I
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: have even felt, let alone being told, if I have
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: felt that I'm inconveniencing you or you're going to regard
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: it as an inconvenience, then I'm not going to ask.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go and do it myself and get frustrated.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And then if you don't offer to help, I'm going
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: to get frustrated with you and everything else when all
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: I may have had to do in the first place
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: is say, did you do this for me? But afraid
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: of rejection and how that rejection is going to make
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: me feel. I don't. Raising money for political candidates. I'm
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: a political animal, as you know. Raised my career in politics.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: One of the things I didn't do in politics is
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: is go around asking people for money. Why? Because the
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: rejection would make me dislike the person.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: I think we share that in common.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Okay. I never really analyzed it like that, but I
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: just don't because I don't want to be rejected.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I don't want to hear no.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: So a lot of times I end up just doing
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: stuff myself.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: And you mentioned previously how I wouldn't pursue somebody like
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: a guy that I like.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't want that rejection. Make the first move. Right.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: I wanted that person to make the first move. And
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: I knew that, okay, this person likes me. But if
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: I was to make the first move and be rejected, I.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't like that person. You'd never do it again.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: That one time.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, I have made me through, just like you
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: did me when you first met me.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: What?
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: You had your friend call and talk to me.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Man, I was too.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Because you didn't want to feel that rejection.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: That's not why I did that.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: You know, he called me up and said, Mike.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Big fellas talk through other people. They talk through other people.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: I was a big fella. Oh, oh. I said him
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: as the man.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: He called me up and said, called you by your
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: nickname and said, hey, my boy Scully, he wants to
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: talk to you.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: And you see, you went through another person.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I was liking you a little bit too, but I
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: would have never, ever pursued you.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I would have never told a friend to let you know.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't have told them.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: But in all honesty, I was so afraid. scared because
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: the circumstances I met you under, I didn't, I certainly
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: believed you would reject me. And so my ego was
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: way for, for ladies as, as, as, as being a
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: guy who was capable of ladies would have really, it
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: was at an all time high. I'm there as a
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: college student in colleges where you see all the, all
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: the girls independent of parents and, And so if I'd
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: have been told no, I'd have crushed my ego and
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: I may not have hit on another woman on campus.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: so I said you go do it let me know
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: how she act let me know what she say.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: And I had every reason to reject you but the
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: reason I didn't because I thought it was so cute
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: that you went through your friend you know and everything
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: that came before that too the pursuit but that the
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: end of that pursuit was when your friend called and
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: said hey Can we come over to your dorm room?
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: And I think that's when it started. And that's when
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: I kind of thought, oh, he's really pursuing me.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: So that's cute.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you ain't got over it yet. Now I
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: got to keep pursuing. When I'm going to have you.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: When I'm going to have you once and for all.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: We have another question from Danielle. She's 40. And this one's,
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: you know, people are asking questions about marriage. Just through
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: that era when you all talked about the dogs in
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: the bed, when you kind of feel like roommates pretty
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: much in that span. You know, you go through a
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: 40-year marriage, you're going to have different moments and different eras.
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: So Danielle, 40, said, My husband and I love each other,
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: but between work, kids, bills, and responsibilities— Sometimes it feels
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: like we're running a household instead of being a couple.
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: Have you ever gone through that, which you all have,
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: and where you felt more like roommates, and how did
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: you get out of it?
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I never felt like a roommate. Felt like a partner.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: More or less a business partner, and you all were
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: our employees. The kids were the employees. As close as
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I would come to that.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: I never felt roommate sense at all.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: The thing is that And I said before, I think
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: you go through different types of needs in your marriage.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: And so when I'm working all day, coming home to kids,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to have these, like I say, big
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: moments of, oh, it's just, I'm just.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Happy to see you when I see you. And when
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: it came to at nighttime.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: Kids being in the bed, dogs being in the bed,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: to me, that was a part of us and a
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: part of our family. So those were some of the
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: things that made me happy too. But of course, like
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: I say, I think we put the kids out and
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: put the dogs out as needed, you know?
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely. And I agree with that. It's just the
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: physical connection is less.
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: Doing the spooning.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: One time I turned around, who did I have to spoon?
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: Amir. He had crawled out of his bed at five
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: years old.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: He was in the bed. I remember that so clear.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: He turned around and was him. And so, yeah.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: I did used to go to your bedroom a lot.
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yes, every night.
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: Until about like, because we moved to the new house
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: and I had that tree outside my room, fifth grade.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: I used to come downstairs.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Son. I did the exact same thing. I can remember
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: so vividly my mother putting me out of her bed
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: that I would crawl. I would crawl real quietly and
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: get up on the bed. I think I must have
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: did that, yeah, until age seven, for sure. Six, yeah.
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: And I will say, because Greg and I always shared
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: a room before we got, before we moved into a
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: larger home. And I had my own bed and I
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: had a balcony. I just remember there was this tree
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: out there that was always swaying and making noise and
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: it took me a good like six months to you
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: know get the hang of it you.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: Guys had the jack and jill bathroom so you used
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: to leave the door open.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: But he didn't want to leave his door open into
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: your bed so you can look into his room through
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: the bathroom and see him i remember that.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: Too funny and he was the i'm closing the door.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: He wanted privacy and you didn't um.
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: This is a good one I like because we had
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: a cousin on the trip. We had on our family
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: reunion trip and her and her husband kind of had
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: different hours. He worked the night shift. She worked the
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: day shift. They saw each other two hours, you know,
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: pretty much in the beginning of their marriage. This is
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: from Tamia 34. My husband works nights now, so we
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: barely have time together. I suggested scheduling intimacy, but he
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: says that makes it feel forced. Do you think scheduling
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: intimacy is unromantic or is it sometimes necessary?
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't think it's unromantic, especially if you
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: only have two hours to make things work.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: I think you should schedule.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that it has to be, if you're
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: not in the mood, it could be other things that
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: could be romantic.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: It would rather be just sitting together.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: You schedule time together. Whatever happens within that time, it happens.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: Is two hours enough for you?
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: You answer that.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: I'm just kidding.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: All right. But, no, I'm just saying, yes. Two hours
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: a day?
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: Of course. Yeah, I think you most definitely should schedule it.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: And like I said, whatever happens during that time happens,
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: but it should be some intentional time of being together.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and the typical couples, that's about all they spend
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: if they're both working and they have children. That's about
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: all they spend together is about two hours a day.
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: That's true.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: All the other households do this.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all you spend, so... That's about right.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: Look at each other in the face.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: Without any interruptions.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: It's intentional time.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: Correct. And here's our last question. Latoya39, I plan every
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: date night and my husband just says, tell me where
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: to be. How do I ask him to put in
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: more effort without having to manage the effort too? Because,
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: you know, women love for a man to plan things.
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: They don't want to think about it. They don't want
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: to do it. And, you know, sometimes men don't want
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: to either. But I feel like, do you think that's
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: the man's responsibility? And if so, like how should?
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: She does.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: Think it's the man's responsibility?
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: Yes, everything is our responsibility. Everything got to make the
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: first move with you. No, I'm just kidding. You're very
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: easy to please. I'll say that. Right.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: And like I said, a lot of times, especially in
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: this latter part of our marriage, like I said, Sometimes
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I feel the most romantic when we're at home and
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: being able to spend time in our bedroom as opposed
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: to having to go out to dinner.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: And that's fine, too.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: And it does set the mood sometimes for what's going
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: to happen later. So that's the good part about that.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: And then I'm so happy I'm with somebody who loves
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: to be out. And loves to go because I could
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: find myself probably sitting at home more. But I have
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: a husband who says, hey, let's do this, let's do that.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: And what do I say sometimes?
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: Ah.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: And then when I end up doing it, I go, boy,
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad we got out the house. This was
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: so enjoyable.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: So you do have to sometimes lean into your partner
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: and satisfy them in ways they want to be satisfied.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: And you might get a lot of satisfaction out of
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: it yourself.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: I am so happy for y'all. That sounds so great.
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: But we got to help Latoya out because y'all did
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: not help her. She wants to know, how does she
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: ask him to put in more effort without having to
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: manage it all herself?
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: You got to be a little clever.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: I would say leave blanks in it. I mean, leave
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: blanks in it. I mean, we're going to go out
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: to dinner. I need you to pick the place where.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: Or we're going to do this. And you don't have
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: the full plan.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: So therefore, he might have to step in and put
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: the rest of the plan into action.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: And I have with others, not with my wife, but
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: I will say with other people, I will say. that
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I have a policy of I buy you fly. So meaning,
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: that's what they used to say during the crack era.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: I'll buy the crack, but you got to go and
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: get it. I buy you fly. So I have an
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: I buy you fly attitude. If I'm paying for whatever
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: we're about to do, then at least your part of
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: it is to put it together. So that's a general
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: attitude I have about life. On the other hand, With
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: my partner, spouse, wife, that's not quite the same, but
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: I do want to share some of those duties that
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: are tasked primarily to me. Now, those duties that are
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: tasked primarily to you are your duties. My duties are
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: our duties. Your duties are our duties are your duties.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: My duties are your duties. Our duties are your duties.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: I'm still stuck on you relating that phrase to crack.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: I buy and you fly.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: I said that all the time growing up.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: Did you?
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, I buy, you fly when it comes to different things.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: But you say, when you're going to get crack.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: That's the first time I ever heard that.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: First time I ever heard was regarding crack. I'm over
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: there to kidding them. They playing about what happened last night.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Everybody know, if you don't by now, I lived in
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: a crack house for two years after college. I'm crack traumatized.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: That's why y'all hear me talk about it on TV.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Because I lived in a crack house after college before
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I got my own apartment. And so I just remember
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: that being said.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: And I guess that was just a standard phrase that
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: people use.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's true, yes. But you had it related
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: to that.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: That's the only place, that's the first and only place
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I heard it.
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: But now you used to say your whole family was crackheads. Mm-hmm.
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: Y'all used to say it. Y'all used to say it.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: How did you say it? I grew up saying.
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: I have never related that to crack.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Well, that's what it's related to. Hanging around you. You
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: just didn't know. I learned a whole lot of things.
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: That is hilarious. All right. Well, to end this off. Hey,
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: can we help? Can we help? I think, yeah, you did.
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: You gave her some tips about, you know, you got
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: to put it in there and just say.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you did. Okay, and leave some things, okay, open
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: for him to do, okay.
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: Gotcha.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I say you just got to ask.
• 49:44
  Speaker 4: Well, she said that she already asked and it's not reciprocated.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's true. She did say she did.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: So she got rejected over and over and over.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Well, just do half and say the other half is yours.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Exactly, uh-huh.
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: All right, well, to wrap this up and to end
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: it up is something I found online. It was from
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: a June 2025 interview people did with Holly Robinson-Pete and
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: Rodney Pete, two friends of you two. And, you know,
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: in terms of keeping things spicy and alive after years,
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: I think this was the 30th year of anniversary of
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: their marriage. And she said that basically... To keep their
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: spice alive around that time. I don't think they do
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: it anymore, but she said they used to meet at
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: a bar and pretend like they were strangers. And, you know,
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: they would show up separately. She said, quote unquote, we
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: would show up separately and like role play and pretend
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: we were somebody we were just meeting in the bar.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: We would just do some crazy stuff. We don't do
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: that no more, though. I just wanted to get your
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: thoughts on that. Out of one to ten, you think
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: that's a good idea?
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they got turned on by one-night stands, meeting in
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: the bar and taking the woman home. Just keeping the
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: spice up. Strangers, though. They were emulating strangers.
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: So, for example, one time he would be a firefighter
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: because Holly said she always had a crush on firefighters.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: And then she would be a flight attendant, a fictional
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: French airline employee, and joking around.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: But would they go home and... consummate that friendship that night.
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: Most likely.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: That's what kept it spicy for them. Pretending to be
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: other people.
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: Instead of scheduling just the plain boring stuff at home,
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: you schedule a little date night where we meet at
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: the bar.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: I think if that's what they like, they have to
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: both like it.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: Keep doing it.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Of course. How do you view it?
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, I wouldn't mind doing that.
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: I think it's fun.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's media party number 10 and like, you know,
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: you're not Linda and you won't be crazy.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: That's true because I wouldn't want to be a fireman
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: and Rodney was way past fireman. He was all pro
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: football quarterback and she was a television star. So you're right.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Whatever you are in that role playing is not a
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: reflection at all of who you are. Correct. So, perhaps.
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: It's something, it's... It's, you know, you're keeping the spice
• 52:12
  Speaker 4: alive by, it's funny, it's acting, it's, you know, you
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: laugh about it, it's a memory. But the fun thing
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: is today is that we are going to play that game.
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay. That is what we are going to do.
• 52:29
  Speaker 4: You all are going to create a fictional version of your,
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: you're going to pretend like you're meeting in a bar
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: right now. And you are going to basically meet each
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: other for the first time. and with your fake identity. Dad,
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: in that position, you're not Judge Mathis, who would you be?
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: Barry Sanders.
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: Okay. Let's just say professional baseball player, the top professional
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: baseball player. We don't want to slander Barry's name, how
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: far you would take it.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: O'Shaunty.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: Let's just say you are a professional baseball player.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Professional baseball player. And then Miss Linda Mathis.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: I would never approach a professional player.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: Well, he's going to approach you.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: Just kidding. Oh, okay. Well, I'm just going to be
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: the girl at.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: The bar then. Nope, that's not that simple.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be the business executive.
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: Oh, I like that.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: All right. And so we sat in the scene. You
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: two have never met. You're at a hotel bar.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: And Dad.
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: Go win yourself a mom, and you have to win
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: her over from scratch.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: So I'm a business executive, boss lady.
• 53:39
  Speaker 4: And you got to think about what's your opening line.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: For me?
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, how would you even approach them?
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: Boss lady.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: Let's do it.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Hey, baby, let me holler at you.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: Excuse me?
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Let me holler at you.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: Holler what at me?
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to kick it with you for a minute,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: see how we.
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: Kick it how?
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: You know, whatever it is.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: You actually abuse me?
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: No. I don't understand what you're saying. You're going to
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: kick it with me, holler at me first, and then
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: kick me?
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: No. Sir, I'm sorry. This is a business executive. You
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: are very muscular, and I don't think that will work.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: I think you would really injure me. So I'm going
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: to sit here and have my drink.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: That's a form of speech, ma'am. I was just talking like,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: you know, the guys talk, but. I see you're a
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: very sophisticated woman at that. Not only are you a woman,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: you're a very beautiful and sophisticated woman. And I should
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: have known better. I'm not at the baseball park where
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: I'm hitting home runs every night. I'm not there.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: You play baseball?
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: I do it sometimes on the weekend with my office
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: and my employees. We have baseball games on the weekend.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: We play softball. Is that what you do too?
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: Have softball games with your friends?
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: Not quite. You know, they're a little more professional level.
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay. That's great. That's great.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: This is Scully Mathis right here.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: That's right. Working it.
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm the bartender. That's Scully Mathis, man.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: Scully who?
• 55:05
  Speaker 4: Scully Mathis. He's the best player on the Dodgers. He
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: just signed a $ 700 million contract. Oh, I'm not really
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: in the sports. That's not important.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not important.
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: I'm not really in the sports. That money doesn't impress me.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, Scully, but that was a great hit last night.
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: Do you know him?
• 55:22
  Speaker 4: I'm the bartender.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: He's the bartender. Is he your advocate? No, he's just
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: proud of me.
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: He's your spokesperson?
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: A lot of folks here in Los Angeles are very
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: proud of me and they admire me a lot.
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: I'm not from here.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: Because of what I represent to the city. And many
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: say to the country because I am the top. They
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: regard me. Some regard me as the top baseball player
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: in the country. Some would suggest in the world because
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: Major League Baseball.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: Congratulations to you. I just don't watch sports, though.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: So I'm not really familiar with you. Good. But I
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: did see you were really muscular. Mm-hmm. That's something I
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: do like about you.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, I have to work out.
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: You seem to hold yourself with a certain confidence.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: You know, but I would not approach her when I'm
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: talking about hollering at her and kicking her. That really
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: doesn't turn a woman on.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Okay. Okay. I will accept that as a fair, fair
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: criticism or observation, if you will. But I would like
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: for one day, if you might be available, I know
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: you're a very busy professional woman, and I admire that
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: and like that about you. So I would like to
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: know if there's any time in the future we might
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: be able to just perhaps have coffee or tea if
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: you had more time on lunch or dinner.
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: I will check my calendar.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, if you mind, if I share my number
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: with you?
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: Sure, you may.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: Here it is. And just let me know. Hopefully I'll
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: hear from you and, you know, shoot me a text
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: or something or something to say if we want to
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: follow up.
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, maybe that will happen in between. What did you say?
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: Baseball that you play?
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's less important than you, than what we're
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: discussing at this point, to be quite frank. You know,
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: I've had a lot of baseball and I've behind me
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: and now I'm looking for something in the future.
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: Ma'am, I told you, that's Scoey Mathis.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for something in the future.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: I really think he's your advocate.
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: That's Scoey Mathis.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: I got a lot of fans at Atmer Iris and
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: he's just one. So I have to, you know, I
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: am very grateful for them. I'm very grateful for them.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Excuse me?
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: You said Scoey? Did you say Scoey Mathis?
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Scoey Mathis. Well, you know, guys, I'm sorry, the
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: bar is closing soon. So, you know, we're going to
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: have to wrap up and about.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: I think she's read up on, she's looked at me now.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: You do understand now?
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: Understand what, sir?
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: That I'm a nice guy. There's a lot of athletes,
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: they're arrogant, they talk about all the things they have.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: You see, I didn't approach you with that.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I really have not been in the presence
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: of a lot of athletes, but you do seem like
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: a nice gentleman.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: I might be willing to give you a call when
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: I have time.
• 58:01
  Speaker 4: What about a nightcap?
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: That won't be happening.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: What are you doing after this? Where are you headed
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: after this?
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: I've headed back to the office, sir.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: Can I give you a ride there?
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: No, thank you.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: I don't ride with strangers. But I will take your number.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: and I will give you a call after I check
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: you out.
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: We are role-playing. We are role-playing. You two are role-playing
• 58:23
  Speaker 4: to head back to the house, and you're not.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: No, you had.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: To give him something to really want. If I just
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: gave in.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: I'm about to go to the easier one. I'm about
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: to go to the easier one.
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: Go on.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: He was very persistent when I first met him.
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: So that's what I'm looking for right now, the persistence. Yes.
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: Anybody follow you.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: Around campus, singing songs to you, get their friends to
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: start talking to you.
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: Let's close this episode out with you singing a little
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: melody to your woman.
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: I want you to sing what you sang to me
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: that day.
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: Thank you all for watching Mathis Family Talks. We're going
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: to end this with Judge.
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: Time to go, folks.
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: Time to go.
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: Every day, love me only.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: Spread your way. Melt all.