Latest / CALL ME MISTRESS / THE ASSUMPTION OF SUBS AND DOMS

Transcript

THE ASSUMPTION OF SUBS AND DOMS · CALL ME MISTRESS

• 0:05
  Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
• 0:08
  Dungeon. I am your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
• 0:10
  and today I have with me a special guest.
• 0:14
  You know her Kit Bond. Well, hello Mistress Mia.
• 0:20
  It's nice to come back again. Always a pleasure.
• 0:26
  So Kit, I've got some comments that remain on the podcast.
• 0:31
  One said wow, I fell in love with this episode.
• 0:34
  It was about being free and cross dressing with Rick.
• 0:40
  This is such an important and thought provoking information.
• 0:43
  Mistress Mia. Me being a Sissy maid and a
• 0:46
  father, this conversation opened my mind other possibilities.
• 0:50
  This may be the best podcast about BDSM.
• 0:54
  Thank you Mistress Mia for being out content and giving me a mind
• 1:02
  vacation. I hope someday to meet you with
• 1:06
  my significant other just to talk.
• 1:08
  Have a great day. I thought that was terribly.
• 1:10
  Sweet wow. Wasn't that nice?
• 1:13
  Yeah. Then we had another comment and
• 1:15
  this is when we talked about the love of Latex and he said love
• 1:20
  your podcast and you talk about strap on harness for extra extra
• 1:25
  large dildos and where to buy them.
• 1:29
  I'm a size king and struggle finding the right harness for my
• 1:32
  wife to wear. Thanks so much Todd and Amanda.
• 1:37
  So Todd and Amanda, I will say this that she shed supplies on
• 1:42
  fat life. You can look them up.
• 1:44
  They always post pictures of the two of them and their strap on
• 1:50
  play and the wife of the couple has a harness.
• 1:56
  She's a curvy woman, but she always has these monster cocks,
• 2:01
  so you might want to reach out to her.
• 2:03
  I think she they sell great products, etcetera, etcetera.
• 2:07
  So that'd be a good shout out for them as well.
• 2:11
  The next comment was from Darren.
• 2:14
  He's like this is on the penis pump fucked up Friday.
• 2:18
  I did with poor Charles. I actually sucked his nuts up
• 2:21
  and the penis pump. He says, well, I'm not well
• 2:28
  hung, but I have that pump. Sometimes it sucks one of my
• 2:31
  balls and oh fuck, that's rough. So I thought that was sweet and
• 2:37
  then we have two nice little emails.
• 2:41
  He said. Mistress Mia, I'm really loving
• 2:43
  your podcast. I'm into ABDL, this is adult
• 2:47
  baby diaper lovers and I'm grateful for your fun and
• 2:50
  positive attitude towards my hard to understand love of
• 2:54
  diapers. It is just refreshing to hear
• 2:56
  someone giving an honest and thoughtful description.
• 2:59
  I felt so much shame and guilt for this fetish I never chose to
• 3:03
  have. I tried repeatedly to stop
• 3:05
  having these desires to be put into diapers and it was very
• 3:09
  difficult to accept the side of myself.
• 3:11
  I don't want to bring anyone down with my story.
• 3:14
  It really has been a serious, lonely one and shame filled
• 3:18
  existence. My own mother had punished me
• 3:21
  when I was 8 or 9 by making me wear diapers for misbehaving.
• 3:25
  It was so traumatic and humiliating having to wear them
• 3:28
  in front of my brother, my sister, and my parents.
• 3:31
  My feelings changed after that. I became very curious about
• 3:34
  wearing them. I would get excited just seeing
• 3:37
  commercials for diapers on TVI didn't understand why, but I
• 3:41
  knew I could never tell anyone about my strange desire.
• 3:45
  So, Mr. Diaper Lover, I will say that your mother is a wretched,
• 3:50
  horrible person who needs to burn in hell.
• 3:52
  However, what parents don't realize and how they love to
• 3:58
  fuck up their children is their prepubescent years.
• 4:01
  Between the ages of eight and 12 is when they're most impacted by
• 4:05
  a lot of sexual desires. And whether you're rubbing
• 4:10
  mama's feet and later on develop a foot fetish or, you know, Mama
• 4:15
  spanking you or giving you enemas because of bad behavior,
• 4:18
  You know, it it comes down to it in the end of, yeah, this is,
• 4:23
  you know, kids looking at me kind of funny.
• 4:24
  But you know, this is from all the experiences that I've had
• 4:28
  with other people that, you know, they've talked about their
• 4:30
  experiences when they're 8 to 12 years of age.
• 4:34
  Listen if your parents are giving you enemas.
• 4:36
  Yeah. Probably need to report assault
• 4:39
  to the police. They don't need to be touching
• 4:40
  you like that. Well, this is back in the 70s,
• 4:43
  so. It shouldn't be a thing for
• 4:45
  anyone who has that problem. Yes it should not have been a
• 4:48
  thing but it fortunately it was. And here is an e-mail that was
• 4:53
  on fat and this is from a Scifun 98 that's CYF UN98.
• 4:59
  He's a 63 year old male sub, he said.
• 5:02
  Hi Mistress Mia, thank you for taking the time to reply.
• 5:05
  I was away on vacation and recently returned to the daily
• 5:09
  grind. Of course, on my 45 minute
• 5:11
  commute I picked up on listening to your podcast.
• 5:14
  Imagine my surprise when you read my e-mail.
• 5:17
  You totally made my day and made me forget the hell week I've
• 5:21
  been going through. Thank you.
• 5:23
  By the way, you have my permission to use my Fetlife
• 5:26
  name as well as my first name and location if you so desire.
• 5:30
  I especially like the episodes where you recapped the party.
• 5:34
  Great insight for those who cannot attend.
• 5:36
  Sort of like the quote UN quote Who were you threads after
• 5:41
  parties? Great reads in my opinion.
• 5:44
  Well, thank you, Sai. I totally appreciate that.
• 5:47
  And you know, if people want to reach out to you on fat, they
• 5:51
  obviously know you're a fun little freak.
• 5:53
  So you just like us and I'm certainly glad you enjoyed the
• 5:57
  podcast. So today Kit and I are going to
• 6:02
  talk about something really interesting.
• 6:07
  It's mainly about the experiences of having a dominant
• 6:11
  role in your life and then being a submissive or a slave in the
• 6:16
  in the Dom lifestyle and how you actually get to deal with that
• 6:20
  and how you have to, you know, kind of put your life in
• 6:23
  perspective. So OK.
• 6:27
  Yeah. So I think that people don't
• 6:31
  realize how difficult it is to be a sub.
• 6:34
  I think that the general idea out there is that a sub is
• 6:40
  someone who can kick back and just endure whatever sensation
• 6:44
  they want within their comfort level, and that's it.
• 6:48
  They're the receivers of what they want.
• 6:51
  So essentially they're a taker, not really a giver.
• 6:55
  That's just been my experience. I just think that people tend to
• 6:58
  think that about them, and they don't really think about what
• 7:03
  goes on outside of the scene, outside of the flogging and the
• 7:07
  nipple torture and the biting and the things in your butt.
• 7:12
  All these fun things at some point end.
• 7:16
  And when they end, what you have are two totally different
• 7:19
  people. You have a person who says I'm
• 7:22
  the boss in the scene because you're OK with me being that
• 7:26
  thing for you, and you have another person saying I'm
• 7:29
  comfortable with you doing that. I think that would be enjoyable.
• 7:32
  So for our purposes, that's our dynamic.
• 7:35
  And yet we can't neglect the fact that these people probably
• 7:41
  have a similar vanilla life in terms of their status in life or
• 7:46
  their experiences. You know, there's plenty of Subs
• 7:50
  out there that they own their own businesses or their
• 7:55
  positions of management or some of them are even probably even
• 7:58
  politicians or prior military members.
• 8:03
  It's particularly difficult for people like that because what
• 8:05
  happens is they develop these these social characteristics
• 8:10
  that people tend to liken to doms more than Subs.
• 8:15
  You know, for instance, just assertiveness.
• 8:19
  Would you think to see assertiveness in a sub that's
• 8:22
  not. Yeah, That's not usually a
• 8:25
  canonical theme in being a sub. Anything from assertiveness to
• 8:32
  just really, it's the auspices of assertiveness, you know,
• 8:38
  intelligence, knowing what you want, being able to draw hard
• 8:44
  boundaries, you know, between you and other people.
• 8:47
  These are things that are pretty much expected in Doms and not
• 8:51
  really expected in Subs. A sub is just expected to be
• 8:56
  docile, probably even just, you know, demure really in their
• 9:00
  mannerisms. So.
• 9:03
  And, you know, I hate that, you know, in the lifestyle, so many
• 9:06
  of the times that we've been out, you know, engaging with
• 9:10
  people and, and there's DOMS and they automatically, you know,
• 9:14
  disregard a sub and not, you know, not acknowledging them as
• 9:19
  a human being. You know, it's like, oh, there's
• 9:21
  sub slave, fuck them. You know, let's treat them like
• 9:23
  garbage. You know, it's like, no, that's,
• 9:25
  that's really not your role. That's not your position to do
• 9:27
  so. You know, I've had different
• 9:31
  things like that over the years when I've had a sub in the past.
• 9:34
  And you know, someone's like mistreating her.
• 9:38
  And it's like, wait a minute, you don't.
• 9:40
  She's not your sub, you know? Yeah, I mean, something happened
• 9:45
  just recently, a special sub in your life.
• 9:48
  We're not going to name them, but you know, someone came over,
• 9:52
  you know, and I felt like they were really disrespectful to
• 9:56
  this person, and they didn't want that disrespect at all.
• 10:00
  And the reason why it was it was so shocking really is because
• 10:05
  that person, although they identify as a sub really in a
• 10:09
  vanilla sense, definitely had a lot more power and authority in,
• 10:14
  in, in the context of their engagement.
• 10:16
  And this person who was visiting did not belong being so
• 10:22
  incredibly uncouth to this sub who did nothing to them.
• 10:26
  Yeah. And that's the kind of
• 10:27
  engagements I'm talking about, the kind of engagements where,
• 10:30
  like you said, we just data dump the idea that they're human.
• 10:35
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 10:37
  And it's, you know, it's cool. And to so many people, yeah,
• 10:41
  it's cool. You know, I can, you know, I can
• 10:43
  treat someone like a slave or a sub because that's what they
• 10:46
  want. But it's like, yeah, they want
• 10:47
  certain people to treat them like that.
• 10:50
  And that's why you have certain dynamics and people don't
• 10:53
  realize that. I do have a theory of why this
• 10:56
  happens. Go for it.
• 10:58
  I'm all about theories. Yeah.
• 10:59
  I mean, and, and this is really not based in anything.
• 11:02
  I haven't really polled opinions on this.
• 11:05
  There's no research on this that I'm aware of.
• 11:06
  Yeah, I think over the years of experience this, I've seen it.
• 11:12
  I think that this happens because there's an implication,
• 11:18
  particularly when you're in a kink space, whether that's a
• 11:21
  dungeon or someone's hosting a party at their place, whatever
• 11:26
  it is. I think that when you go into
• 11:29
  this space, a lot of people are going with the assumption that
• 11:33
  there's implicit consent to treat people a certain way.
• 11:37
  We also see this with the dominance as well.
• 11:40
  How many times have you heard a Dom is called Sir or mistress?
• 11:44
  And it's completely unacceptable to those people because that's
• 11:49
  not your dynamic. OK, granted, that's not probably
• 11:54
  nearly as offensive as basically being called human scum, but
• 11:58
  yeah, I mean, like, I'll definitely die in that hill.
• 12:00
  It's not. They're not the same.
• 12:02
  Yeah. And yet they are overstepping
• 12:05
  boundaries and, and comfort levels.
• 12:07
  You know, I would never go up to a Dom, I don't know and start
• 12:11
  throwing titles at them in a kink space because I realize
• 12:15
  some people are just not comfortable with that.
• 12:17
  It means something to them. Maybe not the same thing as me
• 12:21
  or the same thing as you, but to them that means something.
• 12:25
  Now for a sub, it's it's kind of, it's the difference.
• 12:29
  The difference here is that, you know, when you're going in these
• 12:32
  spaces, let's suppose you're a common sub who's got, you know,
• 12:36
  you got a collar on. Maybe you got like a mask on.
• 12:39
  You're clearly in a situation where you know, you you probably
• 12:44
  are prepared to receive some level of humiliation and
• 12:47
  degradation perhaps. But that doesn't necessarily
• 12:50
  mean that you want it from every Tom, Dick and Harry.
• 12:54
  It probably just means that you're doing it for really the
• 12:58
  amusement of their own Dom. So.
• 13:03
  I do think that the reason why we see this a lot is because we
• 13:08
  have this assumption that as soon as we go into a kink space,
• 13:12
  there's a mode of behavior that's expected.
• 13:15
  You're expected to quote, act like a sub, Someone's expected
• 13:19
  to quote, act like a Dom, whatever that means.
• 13:22
  Your mileage may vary. And that's why we start to see
• 13:26
  these strange behaviors and these strange preconceived
• 13:30
  notions that we're, we're going to go into, you know, that's
• 13:34
  just, that's just what I got. Yeah, I'm with you on that.
• 13:37
  You know, and we talked about this the other day.
• 13:39
  We were saying that, you know, in particular communities.
• 13:46
  Definitely not ours. No, not ours.
• 13:50
  But you said to me, you said, you know, Mia, when you started
• 13:53
  doing parties, you know, and you post them on Fat life, 10 plus
• 13:57
  years ago, people were questioning you and they talk
• 14:02
  shit and everything else. I'm sure.
• 14:04
  I said, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, they did.
• 14:06
  And she's like, well, you know why that is?
• 14:07
  And I'm like, why is that? And you said, because I'm a
• 14:11
  woman and you're not a sub. And I'm like, oh, rut row raggy.
• 14:18
  Yeah. It just it dawned on me because
• 14:19
  I I thought male chauvinist. No, they can't be that
• 14:23
  chauvinistic, but yet they really are.
• 14:26
  Yeah, there's a lot of people that have, I'll call it certain
• 14:29
  pathologies that I think are being masked by appropriate
• 14:36
  levels of kink. I do think that there are some
• 14:39
  chauvinists that like to pass themselves off as Doms.
• 14:42
  I think there's some Miss Andrus that like to pass themselves off
• 14:47
  as mistresses. I think there's some, you know,
• 14:50
  racists out there that like to claim that their kink is race
• 14:53
  play. That's been a huge contention.
• 14:56
  And the worldwide community. Yeah.
• 14:59
  I mean, I, I think that there are definitely people in the age
• 15:02
  play community that have no business being there because
• 15:05
  they low key really do want to diddle kids.
• 15:08
  Yeah. I mean, that's within the realm
• 15:10
  of of reality. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
• 15:14
  absolutely. It's kind of like we're the
• 15:16
  church and they fall back on religion as an excuse.
• 15:20
  But you know, back to the main topic is the fact that, you
• 15:25
  know, in my life, you know, I, I always represent myself as a Dom
• 15:31
  and that that is really the encompassing of my entirety and
• 15:36
  my life, you know, And so I know that, you know, my husband, you
• 15:43
  know, he has a very demanding job and you know, in this life,
• 15:50
  you know, our dynamic clearly he is, you know, my submissive and
• 15:56
  my GIMP and you know, but you know, he's brilliant.
• 16:01
  And so a lot of people then misconstrue that, you know,
• 16:05
  well, Dom's are automatically smart and Subs are automatically
• 16:08
  stupid. You know, it's like, God, what
• 16:11
  time are we living? You know, trust me, I've, I've
• 16:16
  met a Dom one time and she was a complete moron, you know, so
• 16:23
  it's interesting. It really is.
• 16:26
  It intrigues me how people, you know, just put this label, you
• 16:30
  know, and automatically make assumptions.
• 16:32
  So that's just my take. Yeah.
• 16:37
  I mean, that kind of cuts into what we should be talking about
• 16:42
  today regarding this topic is that there's a lot of
• 16:47
  preconceived notions about a sub because the thought here is, you
• 16:51
  know, and I don't, I don't think this is entirely unfair.
• 16:54
  I think it's totally normal for the average person to think
• 16:57
  this. What?
• 16:58
  What person in their right mind would want another person to
• 17:02
  have some level of control over them?
• 17:06
  Yeah. You know, you have to wonder.
• 17:07
  Yeah. You know, you have to wonder,
• 17:10
  why would you ever subject yourself to something like that,
• 17:14
  to the control, the humiliation, the degradation, the pain, you
• 17:18
  know, the extremes. Why would you do that?
• 17:20
  I mean, could it, Is it something about you as a person?
• 17:24
  Is it something in you that's broken?
• 17:27
  What is it? I think that that's a fair
• 17:29
  question for all of us to have. Even though nobody wants to
• 17:33
  admit that. No one wants to admit that we
• 17:36
  still pathologize BDSM. Oh, yeah.
• 17:39
  And you know, that's the thing too.
• 17:41
  You know, we've talked about what I just said earlier, the
• 17:43
  prepubescent. No one wants to talk about that.
• 17:46
  You know, it's like, hey, we're kinky as fuck.
• 17:49
  Well, well, Mia, why are you a Dom?
• 17:50
  Why do you enjoy, you know, kicking guys?
• 17:52
  And they're, they're nuts, you know?
• 17:55
  And I'm like, well, I got a little man hate sometimes, you
• 17:58
  know? And it's that interior feeling
• 18:01
  of, you know, what things were like sometimes when I, I know
• 18:07
  that cringe look, but no, I, you know, it's in its entirety.
• 18:12
  I really like to. I get where you're coming.
• 18:14
  From yeah, you may get you. Yeah, you get.
• 18:16
  But some people may misread that, obviously, you know.
• 18:19
  No, but it's honestly just because I really do enjoy making
• 18:23
  people happy and, you know, doing what they like.
• 18:27
  You know, like you, you said you touched up on right race play.
• 18:29
  God forbid I'm not a racist, you know, I have blackened
• 18:33
  MyHeritage and everything else. But if a guy comes in and wants
• 18:37
  race play, I'm cool with that because that's what they want.
• 18:41
  I really just like making people happy.
• 18:44
  Yeah, I think that on both sides of the slash here, at its core,
• 18:48
  we, we do want to make people happy.
• 18:51
  Obviously there are people out there that don't.
• 18:53
  That's not their goal. They have ulterior motives that
• 18:56
  you definitely see this among a lot of sadists.
• 18:58
  There's some sadists out there that really are diagnosed as
• 19:01
  sadists. And the only thing stopping them
• 19:04
  from going over your boundaries is that they just don't want to
• 19:08
  go to prison, you know? But yeah, at its core, I think
• 19:13
  most people want to make their partners happy.
• 19:18
  But, you know, as far as why someone would want to be a sub
• 19:22
  and, and what people think there, I think that the general
• 19:25
  consensus is people will look at a sub and they assume the person
• 19:32
  is lost. They need guidance.
• 19:34
  And that's why they're gravitating towards a dominant.
• 19:37
  They're lost. They don't.
• 19:39
  They don't know how to basically adult, as they call it today.
• 19:44
  They they cannot accept the kind of autonomy they need to be a
• 19:49
  functional person. Or worse yet, they're broken.
• 19:54
  They're broken something. Don't you hate that term?
• 19:56
  Yeah, it. Sucks.
• 19:58
  Yeah. It's the idea is that a lot of
• 20:01
  people, I think, believe that a sub, at least on some level, is
• 20:06
  someone that that isn't a whole person.
• 20:09
  They're not. There's something wrong with
• 20:10
  them and they're even, there's even like an idea that Subs are
• 20:15
  even infantile. The idea that you need someone
• 20:19
  to basically be like an adult figure in your life telling you
• 20:23
  what to do, how to dress, how to eat, how to behave, where to go,
• 20:29
  when to go. These are, you know, these are
• 20:32
  parenting kind of tasks. These are these are the kinds of
• 20:35
  things you expect a parent and a child to have together, not two
• 20:39
  adults who are responsible and well adapted to their situation.
• 20:44
  And yet we have so many Subs out there who they really don't have
• 20:48
  anything wrong with them at all, except that they just like the
• 20:50
  role. Yeah.
• 20:51
  So that's where I think the whole kind of this weird
• 20:56
  discriminatory idea about Subs comes from is the idea of, well,
• 21:00
  wait, what do you want to be a sub?
• 21:02
  Could it be that there's something wrong with you?
• 21:05
  I mean, if you're one of these people that can't really be
• 21:10
  responsible person, a whole person, then I surely I have
• 21:14
  permission to treat you the same way as your Dom.
• 21:16
  I mean, you see this sometimes with kids too, when a kid is
• 21:19
  acting up and their parent is not around to correct them.
• 21:23
  Sometimes other adults will say, hey, did you think about what
• 21:26
  you're doing? What do you do right now?
• 21:29
  You need to stop. I'm gonna go tell your parents.
• 21:31
  Yeah. They they take on like a pseudo
• 21:34
  parental role even though they're not their parents.
• 21:37
  And this is how I see some outside Dom's kind of going at
• 21:41
  Subs. They don't.
• 21:42
  They don't even know. They don't even know.
• 21:44
  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they forget these were
• 21:47
  adults. They can, they can absolutely
• 21:49
  put you in your place real quick.
• 21:51
  Yeah, my personal favor is when I see Subs that they run into
• 21:56
  these issues and just because they look like a sub, they act
• 22:00
  like a sub. It's assumed that you could
• 22:02
  treat them that way. And that dominant finds out
• 22:04
  later on, oof, that sub was the host of the party, That sub was
• 22:10
  a best friend of the host of the party or was a staff member for
• 22:14
  the host of the party. And here they are treating them
• 22:18
  in such a way they wouldn't treat the average stranger.
• 22:22
  Yeah. Yeah, it's just that whole ass
• 22:25
  out of you and me, you know, of the assumption role.
• 22:28
  It's so crazy. It really is.
• 22:32
  Well, that's always an interesting topic.
• 22:37
  Yeah, and and it there is a flip side to this.
• 22:39
  I do think that the opposite end of this is a dumb is already
• 22:44
  given the benefit of the doubt because given the benefit that
• 22:47
  because they identify as a Dom until of course they behave a
• 22:50
  certain way and people start to take note.
• 22:53
  But generally, if you walk into the scene as a Dom and you look
• 22:57
  halfway decent and you carry yourself halfway decent, it's
• 23:00
  assumed that this is the responsible person.
• 23:04
  This is a safe person because they they've had to practice
• 23:08
  great restraint to be in that role.
• 23:11
  This is someone who's disciplined and they have their
• 23:14
  shit together. You know, this is someone who
• 23:16
  has a regular job, a car or a house, robust relationship.
• 23:21
  They probably have kids. Meanwhile, you know there's so
• 23:24
  many Doms out there that just they don't have their shit
• 23:27
  together. Oh my God, yeah.
• 23:28
  Because they've seen that far too often.
• 23:30
  Because yeah, they're people. They're people.
• 23:31
  It's normal. It's OK for a Dom to have
• 23:34
  problems. It's OK for a Dom to you know,
• 23:36
  struggle in their life just like it's OK for a sub two as well.
• 23:41
  I think it's completely unfair we hold doms to a higher
• 23:43
  standard. Wouldn't hold a normal person.
• 23:45
  Yeah, that's entirely true. It's not fair, you know?
• 23:50
  They're expected to behave better than their Subs, which
• 23:53
  has never made any sense to me because the way I see it is you
• 23:57
  both should be behaving appropriately.
• 23:59
  Yeah, at the same level. Yeah, absolutely.
• 24:04
  You know, I've seen at parties where, you know, you've see this
• 24:08
  dynamic and people still disregard Subs.
• 24:11
  So if they'll be, you know, on a collar and leash, they're
• 24:14
  automatically thinking, Oh, well, they're they're free for
• 24:17
  the taken, you know, and then people don't realize, hey, you
• 24:20
  know, treat it like a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, you
• 24:24
  know, even if they're not, you know, treat it like, Hey, this
• 24:27
  is, you know, someone's significant partner on some
• 24:31
  level, you know, just back the fuck off.
• 24:34
  Yeah, I mean, and it's been, it's it's strange to me because
• 24:37
  I feel like if you spend any, any length of time, you know,
• 24:42
  you spend more than 5 minutes with any sub or any Dom.
• 24:46
  This this is like common sense. Yeah, this is common sense Shit.
• 24:50
  Yeah. OK.
• 24:51
  Like right now, I actually know a sub right now that, you know,
• 24:56
  they work in the medical field and they have a Dom.
• 24:59
  Of course, what ends up happening is, you know, the Dom
• 25:02
  has a question or an issue with, you know, basically maintaining
• 25:08
  their health. And, you know, a perfectly
• 25:10
  capable person who works in medicine, albeit is a sub is
• 25:13
  trying to tell them, oh, I know what's going on.
• 25:15
  I think that you should do this. You know, that might make you
• 25:18
  feel a little bit better. The Dom doesn't listen to them.
• 25:23
  What they do is they go and they they ask a friend or family
• 25:26
  member that also works in medicine.
• 25:28
  The only real difference between them is 1 is a sub and the other
• 25:31
  is is another person in another type of relationship.
• 25:35
  Yeah, that's got to be incredibly frustrating for them.
• 25:38
  I can imagine so. So they're not credible because
• 25:41
  they're your sub. On the contrary, I would think
• 25:44
  that because they're your sub, they should be more credible.
• 25:46
  They have your interests in in mind.
• 25:48
  Yeah, definitely. Devoted to you on a level that
• 25:51
  exceeds that of a boyfriend and girlfriend, theoretically.
• 25:54
  Theoretically, yeah, but. That's not how this goes.
• 25:56
  They they don't listen, they don't take some for some people,
• 26:01
  they don't take your advice into consideration.
• 26:03
  Look, they'll listen to you, they'll be polite, but it's like
• 26:06
  through 1 ear and out the other, you know, like I know I know
• 26:11
  another sub. Here's here's another one.
• 26:15
  This sub had been they're on a strict diet and yeah, you know
• 26:22
  who I'm talking about. They're on a We all struggle.
• 26:26
  We all struggle with this. It's hard.
• 26:27
  Yeah, it's hard. You know, we live in America and
• 26:29
  our diet sucks. Yeah, it sucks.
• 26:31
  You know, the sub is on a diet and good for them.
• 26:34
  They're trying to do what's right for them and, and, and be
• 26:36
  healthy, Right? And, you know, they have a Dom,
• 26:39
  and this Dom doesn't really seem to care about what they put in
• 26:41
  their mouth or whether or not they get off their ass that day.
• 26:44
  Sure. It's just how it is.
• 26:46
  And the thing about it is when they're trying to diet and
• 26:49
  they're trying to do what they what they're supposed to be
• 26:50
  doing on a restrictive diet, to me, that's a level of discipline
• 26:55
  that's unusual. I mean, if you're in America and
• 26:58
  you're trying to diet, really. Strict.
• 27:00
  Oh God, yeah. It's hard.
• 27:02
  It's hard. It's hard.
• 27:03
  So kudos. Anyone out there who's trying to
• 27:05
  lose some weight in America like you're, you're you're doing an
• 27:08
  uphill battle. Yeah.
• 27:09
  And and no one should be gaslighting you about that.
• 27:12
  So you got one over here trying to diet and the other one doing
• 27:16
  whatever the hell they want to do.
• 27:18
  Meanwhile, you know they're a Dom, right?
• 27:21
  So they're doing what they want to do and this one's trying to
• 27:23
  lose weight. They don't see, they don't see a
• 27:27
  purpose in trying to lose weight as well and trying to mimic that
• 27:32
  kind of discipline because let's face, you know, this Dom I got
• 27:36
  in mind, they could lose some damn weight.
• 27:37
  They need to, they do some. Some people really do need to
• 27:42
  lose some weight around Oh. Great.
• 27:44
  Agree. It starts to get into your,
• 27:45
  your, your quality of life. No, you gotta lose some weight.
• 27:48
  So the problem is that, you know, this particular Dom, you
• 27:52
  know, laughs at the sub whenever the sub says, when are you going
• 27:55
  to start dieting with me or working out with me?
• 27:58
  When are we going to work on this together?
• 27:59
  Laughing and, and doing whatever they want.
• 28:01
  And they think it's absurd. Why?
• 28:04
  In my opinion, it's just hubris. It's just, well, I don't need
• 28:07
  to. I'm the Dom.
• 28:09
  I've already got my shit square. I can do whatever I want by
• 28:12
  virtue of the title. I've already got my discipline
• 28:15
  card. I don't need to work nearly as
• 28:19
  hard as a SUB. A SUB has to work hard because
• 28:22
  the sub really needs to prove they've got the same level of
• 28:25
  discipline as a Dom. Yeah.
• 28:28
  I mean, that's an outward performance.
• 28:30
  There is no, you know, you just decided you want to, I don't
• 28:35
  know, do something highly personal every single day that
• 28:39
  no one could possibly see. You have to do, you know,
• 28:43
  certain levels of performance to show the world, hey, I'm a
• 28:46
  disciplined, well adapted person as well that has my own, you
• 28:51
  know, my own interests, you know, Yeah.
• 28:54
  So it's hard. Kit I used to date the sub.
• 28:59
  Oh my God, he had a body like a brick shithouse.
• 29:04
  He was Amerasian sexiest fuck. He had the best ass ever,
• 29:10
  sexiest fuck. Just saying.
• 29:12
  He was a discipline sub and damn and he could cook.
• 29:17
  Just. You know, photographs and
• 29:19
  memories, that motherfucker. But you know what I'm saying
• 29:24
  right now, I'll tell my husband. I'm like, get up, you fat fuck.
• 29:27
  Get to the gym. Oh my God.
• 29:29
  But he's not fat. He's.
• 29:29
  Super skinny. Wow.
• 29:34
  That's the funny part about it, yeah.
• 29:37
  So yeah, it's it's a motherfucker, It really is.
• 29:41
  But what other thoughts have you had?
• 29:44
  So, so we talked about the preconceived notions of doms and
• 29:47
  Subs. And here's where I think this
• 29:49
  comes into play with, with community dynamics.
• 29:52
  For anyone out there who decides they want to engage in kinky
• 29:56
  activities somewhere outside of their bedroom, they want to go
• 29:59
  to parties or they want to go to something that's organized
• 30:02
  right. Well, this becomes one big
• 30:05
  problem because you've got some people who are probably
• 30:10
  unbeknownst to them, making some assumptions that can lead to
• 30:14
  some problems. You know, I, I could speak on
• 30:18
  that personally and I'm completely comfortable to do so.
• 30:21
  You know, when I first got into, you know, this community, I had
• 30:27
  a huge problem, huge problem. You know, my background is
• 30:33
  military. My background has been in an
• 30:36
  industry where you have to make snap decisions for other people
• 30:42
  for for life and limb. You have to have a level of
• 30:47
  assertiveness. You need to be professional.
• 30:50
  And you know, it's serious, you know, And so I don't think
• 30:57
  anyone received that very well. They don't receive that well at
• 31:01
  all. No, because in their minds, if
• 31:04
  they identify as a dominant, it's you know, who are you to
• 31:09
  come off as more authoritative than me?
• 31:11
  Who are you to to make me feel intimidated or less than?
• 31:16
  Who are you to be more intelligent than me?
• 31:19
  How dare you even exist as someone who probably has
• 31:22
  objectively better qualities than me.
• 31:25
  It's just this arrogant idea, you know, a sub can't exist as
• 31:30
  the best version of themselves without offending someone who
• 31:33
  identifies as a dominant. I know there's people in this
• 31:37
  area. They, they're acutely
• 31:38
  uncomfortable with my intelligence.
• 31:41
  They're like, they think it's an affront.
• 31:45
  You know, I've been called a fake sub many times by people
• 31:50
  because they think that the way I conduct myself is more in line
• 31:53
  with a Dom and that irritates them.
• 31:56
  Why the hell would somebody identify as a sub, but they
• 31:58
  behave in a way I expect a Dom to behave?
• 32:01
  Because you're a normal functioning person that actually
• 32:03
  doesn't act like a sub 24/7. Well.
• 32:07
  The thing is like, what is acting like a sub?
• 32:09
  That's the thing. There is no acting like a sub.
• 32:12
  Anyone is acting like a Dom. I've seen Dom's roll up to their
• 32:15
  meetings with fucking skateboards and they're
• 32:17
  literally in their fucking 40s. I've seen this with my own eyes,
• 32:23
  OK? I've seen people flip each other
• 32:26
  off like they're in middle school.
• 32:29
  I've seen people engage in really stupid pilly fights like
• 32:34
  they're in high school and they identify as Doms.
• 32:37
  They go and they shit post on one clicks.
• 32:40
  Oh my God, I can't stand it. Can't stand?
• 32:42
  It they can't identify as an individual and carry themselves
• 32:46
  intelligently, you know, outside of their cliques.
• 32:49
  I don't even understand that either.
• 32:51
  So yeah, I mean I can understand why it would be uncomfortable or
• 32:55
  intimidating, but the fact of the matter is, sub is their own
• 32:58
  person. You're going to get a mixed bag
• 33:01
  of stuff with Subs and doms. Some Subs are fucking stupid,
• 33:05
  they do dumb shit and they need to be managed all the time.
• 33:08
  Some Subs are so autonomous that you're going to see them and
• 33:14
  their doms going at it head to head because the sub is actually
• 33:19
  right and the Dom is not, and they can't admit that.
• 33:22
  You're going to get a mixed bag. You know, I'm one of those.
• 33:25
  I'm going to tell you 2 + 2 is not 6, it's four.
• 33:29
  Like, yeah, I don't care about your role anymore.
• 33:31
  You're now inconveniencing me with your delusion.
• 33:35
  Like I can't play that game. Some people can and that's fine,
• 33:39
  but I can't. So there is this toxic belief
• 33:44
  that there is a real sub and a real Dom and a fake sub and a
• 33:48
  fake Dom and, and really unfortunately, this, these terms
• 33:52
  have not gone, haven't been put to death.
• 33:56
  Yeah, so true, So true. Well, speaking about being put
• 34:00
  to death, let's end this episode.
• 34:04
  Get the dagger. Well, thanks, That was fun.
• 34:10
  That was fun. So kids.
• 34:13
  Well, adults. Are you sure?
• 34:15
  Maybe. Well, if they are kids, you're
• 34:18
  probably talking to Subs evidently.
• 34:20
  Maybe. All right, so until then, may
• 34:24
  all your fantasies become realities.