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Where do Narcissists learn to be Narcissistic? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about where do narcissists learn
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  how to be narcissists? Where where do they learn their
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  toxic abilities from? Where do they get their toxic
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  powers from? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So, boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  Where do narcissists learn their toxic behaviors from?
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  I get this question in a lot. Like where where is there a book
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  out there that narcissists are like, do they all read from the
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  same script? Are they all going to little
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  narcissistic school, narcissistic elementary school,
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  their Intermediate School, their middle school, then high school,
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  and they graduate to narcissistic college and they
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  get their bachelor's degree in narcissism and their masters?
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  Like, where are they? Where Lee tell me they're
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  checking me, telling me, asking me these questions.
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  Like, yeah, there is no script for for narcissists.
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  There's no book that narcissists read from, even though I'm
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  writing my own book Coming soon this year.
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  But there's no script. Narcissists learn from their
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  peep, the people around them. Narcissists learn from their
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  environment. How do narcissists learn how to
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  lie? So good practice.
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  Practice makes perfect. You know as you're as you're
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  growing older, right? If somebody tells you I know
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  you're lying when you're. I know how you I know you're
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  lying because your eye twitches. I'm going to make sure my eye
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  doesn't twitch anymore so I'm not lying to anybody else.
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  So this person, not only is this person not going to be able to
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  tell I'm lying, nobody else will.
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  I'm practicing keeping my I'm practicing like, that's why you
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  see a lot of narcissists telling unnecessary lies to see if they
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  can get away with it. El It's practice.
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  It's just like training for the Olympics, Training for the lion
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  ass narcissistic Olympics. I want to go.
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  I want the gold medal in pathological lying.
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  You know what I mean? I want the gold medal in that.
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  Give me the gold. I'm going for the gold.
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  So they practice by doing it over and over again.
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  It's repetitive. You know, you don't get good at,
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  you don't get good at something by doing it once.
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  You don't become a pathological liar as an adult.
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  I feel like this condition to you from your youth, from your
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  childhood. You learn how to lie.
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  You learn how to get away with it.
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  You learn how your body is moving when you're lying because
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  people tell you, especially I know you're lying when you do
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  this. I'm not going to do that
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  anymore. So now you don't know if I'm
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  lying or telling them the truth. A lot of times they learn
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  through corrections. They learn how to be toxic,
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  narcissistic through corrections.
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  I hate when you do that. So I'm going to keep doing this.
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  I'm not. I'm not going to stop doing it.
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  I'm going to keep doing it but not let you know.
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  You're not going to find out. I went through your phone right
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  now. I'm going to hide my phone now
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  I'm going to change the password.
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  Narcissistic people learn from their environment and the the
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  people around them. It's it's a lot easier, quote,
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  UN quote easier if you have a toxic, narcissistic parent that
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  you're raised in the same household as.
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  They're becoming A lot easier to be toxic and narcissistic in
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  those situations. Right there.
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  You know what I mean? It does because I'm learning
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  from, I'm learning from the source.
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  I'm tapped into the root of narcissism when I'm learning
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  directly from a parent or cousin or friend or caretaker,
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  grandparent, teacher, whoever I'm learning this type of stuff
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  from because that's where you get it from.
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  Like this is just my own personal belief and I'm open to
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  being wrong. This is me.
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  Y'all hear me say this. I'm open to being wrong here.
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  This is my belief right here that a lot of narcissists, like
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  narcissism at its core is self-defense.
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  So narcissists are learning to be narcissists to defend
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  themselves. I feel like it's self-defense
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  from shame, self-defense from criticism, self-defense to
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  protect my guard, my insecurities to protect my
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  fragile ego. That's where the narcissism
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  comes in. That's where the manipulation
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  comes into play at, you know, believe.
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  How do they know if the manipulation is working through
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  practice? This didn't work on you, so I'm
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  going to try something different on you.
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  If it doesn't work with you, I'm going to try the same thing on
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  somebody else until it works. It.
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  Is this just the mind? Yeah, I know it sounds.
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  I know it sounds foolish. I know it sounds foolish.
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  But, like for me, in my own personal life, I'm not a
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  pathological liar, but am IA good liar.
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  When I want to lie, can I get away with a lie?
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  Yes, because I read body language books.
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  I understand that the the eye twitches and micro expressions.
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  Narcissistic people. When they get ready, when they
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  getting ready to tell a big lie, they warm up for it.
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  You know, they're practicing the practicing the lie in their
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  heads over and over again sometimes.
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  So when I tell it to you, it seems like the truth.
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  No matter, no matter how unbelievable it seems, no matter
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  how like you know, there's no way that's true.
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  No matter how it looks or sounds.
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  I'm going to say with such conviction that it seems true
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  because I saw it on TV and this, this is the crazy thing about it
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  is a lot of narcissists, A lot of narcissists learn toxicity
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  and learn how to get away with things because of the like
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  movies. What do they learn how to love
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  bomb from movies? Yeah, I learn how to learn how
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  to I learn how to love bomb and be do things like that from
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  watching Disney movies growing up.
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  I wanted to be Prince Charming. You know, reading Cosmo magazine
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  back in the day, reading Cosmopolitan magazine back in
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  the day, I want to be big. And doing that right there, so
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  that that's my space. That's what I fell into right
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  there. You know what I mean?
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  That's what I did. That's what I wanted to do.
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  That's why I just tell people all the time, this is the space
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  we're going into. This is the dynamic that we're
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  going into. This is just it.
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  This is part of it right here. You know, this is part of it.
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  This is the space. And I want, I want people to
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  heal. I want people to grow.
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  I want people to learn. Like sometimes you teach this
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  narcissistic person how to treat you.
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  You teach them how to get away with things.
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  That's why I tell people like the first red flag, leave.
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  But leave. Don't give a leave.
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  The first time your intuition goes off, The first red flag
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  that creeps into your life, the first one that just drops from
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  the ceiling? Leave everybody.
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  I posted this on Facebook. Everybody doesn't deserve a
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  second chance, let alone a 15th they don't deserve.
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  Because when you're giving them more and more chances, what are
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  they learning this from? Lee, you gave them 25 chances.
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  Of course they're going to get better at lined and hiding it.
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  Of course they're going to make it more believable, but in
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  childhood they get chances over and over again.
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  Sometimes, like in childhood, the pressure might be higher.
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  Sometimes in childhood, because it's survival, it's
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  self-defense. In childhood, I'm learning how
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  to defend myself, so I'm getting better at defending myself by
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  lying, by being manipulative, by being, by doing this type of
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  stuff and getting away with it. The stakes are higher.
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  I might get, I might get in trouble.
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  I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to get my game
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  taken away from me. I want to be able to keep my
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  phone, I want to be able to keep my video games or whatever.
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  I become a better manipulator. I get away with it lying to the
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  teachers. It's conditioned, it's
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  conditioning from our youth and we just become masters of it in
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  our adulthood. And like I said, most
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  narcissists y'all don't get better as they get older.
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  So I know a lot of people go out here thinking they're like, oh,
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  I'm dealing with a 4550 year old narcissist or the 50 year old
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  person. They must be mature.
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  They must know what they want. They must they.
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  They don't play, they don't play those games, yo.
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  Older people play the most games, older people play the
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  most games. They do.
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  They've they've, they've become masters of the game.
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  They've had 456 decades of play these games.
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  They've become master manipulators.
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  Tom. Some of them learn a
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  narcissistic traits through Tom. They've had enough time to
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  practice this stuff, you know what I mean?
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  They've had enough time to understand it and they do it in
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  the tried and true method. I've been doing this for 50
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  years. I didn't know how to get away
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  with it. You know what I mean?
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  So just because you find an older person doesn't mean that
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  they, they play play less games. They know what they want.
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  They want their needs met. It doesn't mean that they play
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  less games to get those needs met.
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  You know, that's what I tell people.
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  Y'all, older does not always mean wise or more mature.
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  Older just means a higher number on the age scale.
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  It's all the older means. It just means a higher number on
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  that scale, the age. That's really all it means.
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  So if you're still dealing with a narcissist or toxic person,
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  you have to stay empowered on your journey.
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  Because if you don't, this is what happened.
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  This is the end result right here, you know, because they're
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  going to learn as they grow. If they grew up in an abusive
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  household, they learn how to be. They learn the abuse from being,
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  from growing up in it. You know what I mean?
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  They're doing it. They're, you know, they're
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  growing up in it. They're learning from.
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  They're learning from their current situation.
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  They learn from that. They're learning from the
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  abusive situations. They're learning from that
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  toxic, narcissistic mom. They're learning from that
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  toxic, narcissistic dad. They're learning how to get
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  their needs met by being toxic and manipulative.
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  They are. That's the space of it right
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  there. Y'all.
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  That's the root cause of it right there.
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  That's the dynamic that a lot of people enter into, not knowing
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  when you're dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person.
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  It really is. It's really their space.
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  So they this is where they learn from.
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  Y'all I'm just telling you, like this is where I learned from my
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  personal level growing up. I learned from watching my my
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  mom not manipulated my dad. Yeah, watching being around him
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  toxic. He just, my dad had so many
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  women in and out. He's a womanizer.
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  He just, he just was his, you know, he just was.
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  He's got kids all over the place like he was a womanized
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  manipulator. I learn from other kids.
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  I learn from the kids being around me.
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  I took their personal. I took on their personality
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  characteristics and traits, being around them.
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  Of course, I was already a disconnected kid, but like,
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  that's what happens. We learn from my environment.
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  We become So narcissists are products of their environment
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  when they're growing up, but when they grow up and they get
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  control, they want their environments to become products
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  of them. They want the they want the
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  dynamic to switch. I don't.
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  I no longer want to be a product of my environment.
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  I want the environment to be a product of me.
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  That's how that's how the switch happens right there.
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  I want the environment to become a product of me.
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  Because if it's a product, if the environment is a product
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  product of me, I'm in control. But at the at the core of most
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  things that narcissists want, it's controlled.
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  They want control over the situation, they want control
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  over the finances, they want control over the life.
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  That's part of the data and that's part of the switch that
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  goes on within the the narcissistic mindset.
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• 11:52
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