Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Do Men Want You To Pick Up The Check?

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Do Men Want You To Pick Up The Check? · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do part two.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: to continue answering some of those questions that we got
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: last week. So let's dive right into some of those
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: to a guy for almost a year, we text before,
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Am I being patient or am I being delusional?
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: but I just I think you know much quicker than
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: a year.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: There should be some momentum there.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress,
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh,
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I can't think of a situation in which this makes
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: I would put you kind of more in your words,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: in your words, not mine in the delusional category to
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: So maybe you're dating an astronaut.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: You know, he's been out of the country, out of
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: maybe you know, if it is long distance and not
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: think this might be some time. You know, a time
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: frame should be put on this and start building to something,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: And if the person on the other end a box
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: at that, then I think that you could probably answer
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: that question and not waste any more time. If it
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: to end this with this person, I think there should
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: making any progress, you know. I really wish this could
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: because you know you have impressed the issue to the
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: don't just put it on the other person and then
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: you know, maybe you know, that would push that other
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I do not want to lose you. I'm going to
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: for it to be made right. And you know, maybe
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: She says that she's been dating a man that she
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: like where our relationship is going, but I want to
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I think I make more money than him. Do guys
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy,
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: you're just starting off. You know, you might have made
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: more money than you in your ex but like you know,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: second chapter, in this second go round. If you think
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: that this might be the man of your second dreams,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I think that it is important to make sure that
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: and I think that finances are right there with with
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: those topics. I think it's just as important. You want
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: it isn't a big deal at all, but if you
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: going to eat at you. And you know, if I
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Than I am.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: And I hope that you would be with somebody that
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: would not be jealous of you, that would want you
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: to be as successful as possible. So this might be
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a great way to figure out what kind of guy
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: that because you know, that's just one of the ways
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: that you go and avoid a landmine.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Down the road.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: about the woman making more money. I think if he's
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: going to be a you know, kind of a gold
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: digger going the other direction. But I think that guys
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: may be. But I don't think guys are going to
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: the caution is, is this person dating you for your money?
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself,
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: that's usually something to brag about.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: is going to take care of me. So usually when
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: and and someone dating him just for his money. But
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations,
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: and I think the guy has to be mindful of
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: are they going to be able to keep up are
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: they going to be able to provide or or keep
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: up with with what the with you know, what the
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: really finances do start to play into it. And I
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: think that that is part of a conversation that needs
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: to be had before you have kind of these false
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious?
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: And that's you know, this is really a chapter two
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: of our lives together, We're going to build towards a
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle,
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: if we're talking about finances and we got to talk
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: in a company a little bit. You want to make
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: child support, all these sort of things, So there could
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: make a blanket statement, but I do think you need
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: to be careful if one or other is coming into
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: the relationship. But give you a man or woman is
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: are coming in and they're not employed or are living
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: are things to get to be very, very very mindful
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: if you are coming into it and you're going to
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: to be ready to bridge that gap all the way
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: talk about, you know, on this podcast.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But there is there.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: this is a topic that is that is compelling to people,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: emails and we can talk about some of the less
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two,
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: what are the things to be mindful of? What are
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: the things that guys and girls should be looking for
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: get in a different phase of your life. You know,
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: this next phase of your life that have to be considered,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: with our next voicemail.
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Hey, it's Emily.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: dating apps for the.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: what we should be putting on our profile that won't
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: make you just like swipe by immediately?
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: What are the top things that men want to see
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: your help.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: All right, this is a great question, now, mister right,
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: this is what I feel. Three things have changed the
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: you put on there? I mean, there is so much
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: you're at that point in your life where you're trying
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: to find somebody through social media or even a dating app,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: what should you put on there?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I would say, put on the truth.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: put some filter pictures. But if you want that first
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: date to go to a second, and a third and
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: want to be selling a false bill of goods. And
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: just for the first time, but for the first ten times.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And so of course you can put you know, show
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: pictures of what you look like in your best of best,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: but also put a picture in there when you've just
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: picture of who you are. And so it's tough to
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: say because it's not going to give you the likes
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: an honest set of pictures, I think is going to
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: attract the right type of guy that you're going to
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: with being five foot five. There is something wrong at
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: showing up for a date with a girl that thinks
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: So just be honest about it. You can, you know,
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: you know, you have to be obvious about it, but
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: if you know, if you've if every hat or a
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: picture that you have has a hat in it, then
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: they're probably trying to hide something.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Don't need to hide it.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Be honest because you don't want to end up at
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: friends is important because I think a lot of times
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know,
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: who does he hang out with?
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Does he have friends to begin with?
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know,
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community,
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: show what you like to do with your kids. I
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: think that's an important part as well, to give kind
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: of a full picture of the person that you are now.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I would say almost the exact same thing for the
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: women as well. In your profile, show things that you
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: it up showing, you know, show the guys that might
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: be looking at your profile the type of person that
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: you are. Also show your friends also show if you
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: have kids. That's important part of it as well. And
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: the first date. Think about how is this going to
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: first date in a turn into ten dates or to
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: you're if you're using too many filters, or you know,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: it's not going to work a second time. And lastly,
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about this new thing that I've
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: the voice notes.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I think it's great.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I think every kind of like turning a person from
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: one D into three D as much as you can
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: is great. I think there should be video notes. I
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: think as much of that out there as possible, I
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: of expectations are going to be realized once you see
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: them or meet them. And that's why I think it's
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: also a great thing to talk to somebody on the
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: phone text with them before you ever meet them, so
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: get a rhythm and a pace to the way you
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: you meet each other at the restaurant.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Of the bar, wherever it is.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: So I'm all a fan of as many different ways
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah,
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: you do want to date with more intention, but I'd
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: might be similar, but as soon as you start putting
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: a box into something and a deadline, the other person
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: to make sure that you are continuing to make progress,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date,
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: I think that stuff will come more kind of organically
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: to you to set those milestones for that other person
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great,
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: meeting my friends is great.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, So put those things out there.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: You can talk about that's your goal in life. I
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: have all these things and talk about those things. But
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: as soon as you say that I want that on
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: is great, but I would tend to think that the
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: the exact same one. It would be a shame to
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: break up a relationship because you're off by a couple
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: important to women than the art of men. And again,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: a lot of it depends on how long has the
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: person come out of a relationship.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: You know, where is where's their headspace at right now?
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And maybe that they you know, both people want to
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: a relationship for five years. I want to get married now.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: The other person might say, listen, this is the third
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: person I've dated. I just need a little bit of
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: first getting married, I think that there's you know, women
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: they want to have babies and they want to start
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: a family and all these other things. In this next chapter,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: even though you might not think it, we have time
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: you know, there is there is time to make sure
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: that your finances are right, that your situations are right,
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: where it might not just be the guy or the
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: girl that says, you know, I need some time, not
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: because I haven't made up my decision about the other person,
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: but because I need to get my landscape right. I
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: need to get my life kind of organized so I
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: can be the best partner I can be for the
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: in together, it is moving in together. But I would
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: and like I said before, put in these little pieces,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: along the way that are ultimately going to lead there.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: and then the other things just kind of come organically
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: protecting your heart to make sure that you know the
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: other person is working towards the same thing that you are.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: by the end of the year, because maybe that's not
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: be a shame to mess up something really great over
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: to end up with. I love it. Is it gross
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I like the idea.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought,
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: but I think that I think probably sex in a
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe,
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: if you have the flexibility and if you're back and
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: you know, camping. I guess is that is that a
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: But if it is, I think that's fine as long
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: as you know, you haven't been camping for too long.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: So I think that it probably depends on the on
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: to say that for our first time out.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: That was amazing.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know,
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: if you're single and in your chapter two and need
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: some advice, call us, email us, find all the info
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: in the show notes and make sure you follow us
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it,
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: review it. It's great to get some response on this.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: falling in love is the main objective.