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SPOTLIGHT on Rebecca Johnson · Sass N Sips

0:09
SPEAKER_04: Hi, and welcome to this episode of Assassin's Sips Spotlight.
0:13
SPEAKER_04: Today we are talking to the host of Love is Not Dead, just my husband, Rebecca Johnson.
0:20
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for being here with us.
0:22
SPEAKER_04: I'm Lisa.
0:24
SPEAKER_04: And I'm Agnes.
0:25
SPEAKER_04: And I'm Rebecca.
0:27
SPEAKER_04: Hi.
0:28
SPEAKER_04: And what are we all sipping on this Sunday morning?
0:33
SPEAKER_01: I am sipping on coffee.
0:35
SPEAKER_04: Yay for coffee.
0:37
SPEAKER_04: Me too.
0:37
SPEAKER_04: Yay, because we're all drinking coffee today.
0:40
SPEAKER_04: It's bright and early Sunday morning.
0:43
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
0:44
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
0:45
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for coming on and for hanging out with us today.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I really appreciate it.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: And um, and I really appreciate you doing it in the morning.
0:55
SPEAKER_04: Oh, no worries.
0:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's totally fine.
0:58
SPEAKER_04: Um, so I have a quick question before we jump into anything else.
1:06
SPEAKER_04: Yes, this is our silly hot seat question.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
1:11
SPEAKER_02: Spotlight hot seat.
1:12
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:13
SPEAKER_04: So hold on.
1:14
SPEAKER_02: We have to think of an incoming jingle to play over this part.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: We haven't done that yet.
1:18
SPEAKER_04: We need like a sting or something.
1:20
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
1:20
SPEAKER_04: Are you ready?
1:23
SPEAKER_01: I think so.
1:26
SPEAKER_04: If you had to swap your legs with the legs of any other animal, which animal would you choose?
1:33
SPEAKER_04: That was my question.
1:35
SPEAKER_04: Are you serious?
1:36
SPEAKER_04: I swear to God.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I would be looking for another one.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: If I could swap my legs with any other animal, what would it be?
1:56
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: Wait, can it does it need to be an animal with two legs because I only have two legs?
2:06
SPEAKER_01: Or can it be your choice?
2:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh well then I would totally want to be it would be a horse.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: I would want to be one of those sexy cenoitars.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: That's kind of cool.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's what I would be.
2:28
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
2:29
SPEAKER_04: You want us to come back to you since I apparently took your question?
2:33
SPEAKER_04: No.
2:35
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
2:36
SPEAKER_02: This is really I I this is a random one.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
2:39
SPEAKER_02: Wait, are these two questions?
2:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
2:41
SPEAKER_04: We each get one.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: All right.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: Oh god quick.
2:46
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna do a lot of editing on me.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm so sorry.
2:57
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: If you were invisible for a day, what is the craziest thing you would do?
3:07
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: If I could be invisible for a day, what would I do?
3:32
SPEAKER_01: I would go into people whisper things into people's ears.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: Like like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: Like I would go and whisper.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: But I wouldn't do I wouldn't do anything really mean.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I would do something good with those powers, like try to hook people up in like coffee shops or something.
4:05
SPEAKER_04: That's so sweet.
4:06
SPEAKER_04: And I would say, she's looking at you.
4:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, could you imagine sitting there just drinking your coffee and being like, what?
4:13
SPEAKER_01: Like, what?
4:14
unknown: Go talk to her.
4:17
SPEAKER_02: I need to do it.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: I need you to follow me around and do that to random people for me.
4:25
SPEAKER_04: I'm out of here.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: I I would I don't think I would use it for evil.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: I would use it, I would definitely use it for good.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: But you know, there might be a few people that I might would go whisper something, not very.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I am human, so I think I would use that power for good.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: I would probably like you know you want to buy it.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: Buy that chocolate bar.
4:50
SPEAKER_02: You know it tastes good.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm just like if I see you eyeing it, just get it.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: You deserve it.
4:55
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm one of those, like, you know you want to do it.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: Man, that would be a really good superpower.
5:05
SPEAKER_04: That would be fun.
5:07
SPEAKER_04: Can I sign up for that too?
5:10
SPEAKER_02: And then she just goes clapping away in her cenotaph legs.
5:20
SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
5:21
SPEAKER_04: So we met at Podfest.
5:23
SPEAKER_04: We met doing your paparazzi video, which was so much fun, so spur of the moment.
5:30
SPEAKER_04: Can you but we like when when you had access to participate, we were just like, uh sure, no problem.
5:37
SPEAKER_04: But we have no idea what it was for.
5:39
SPEAKER_04: So we're like, yeah, just we're doing it.
5:42
SPEAKER_04: We're we're yes, we're in.
5:44
SPEAKER_04: What?
5:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you guys were such great sports.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I won a an award at She Podcast.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: So She Podcast was there along with Podfest.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: So they were there before, but that one last day kind of overlapped.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: So that Thursday night there was a Sonic Bloom Award ceremony where they had nominated um lots of different categories, all great female, non-binary, um, women podcasters and things like that.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: So I was nominated for the People's Choice Award and I won.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Yay! Congrats!
6:26
SPEAKER_01: So um thank you so much.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: I was super excited because it was based on votes, so which means I'll had to, you know, interact with my listeners and you know be more present on social media and just get people to vote for me.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: So I won that award.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: And then the next morning, it was just a funny joke between me and my best friend.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: She was like, um, she's like, so is anyone coming up and asking for your autograph yet?
6:58
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, no, but I'm a little disappointed because, you know, no one's coming up to me.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: And so we were on FaceTime and we were just playing, like, and I said, I'm gonna just peep around the corner and make sure no one's out there just waiting for me.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, we were doing this whole thing on FaceTime where I was acting like I was, you know, just peeping around corners before I walked out in public.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, the coast is clear, I can go, there's no paparazzi.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: So it just became this joke like all day.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: And I started talking about this paparazzi, and I and I was like, and what if I got some people to chase after me and pretend that they were paparazzi?
7:44
SPEAKER_01: So I decided to put on a meetup on the WOVA app.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: And some people came from the meetup from the WOVA app.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: And then while we were up there, I was just asking everyone who was in the hallway and who was in the vicinity, did you want to participate?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: And you guys were just standing there.
8:03
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, hey, do you want to be part of my paparazzi?
8:06
SPEAKER_01: And you guys were like, uh, yeah.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: You didn't even ask what it was for, you didn't ask what it was about.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: You were like, Yeah, what do I need to do?
8:16
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I just need you to chase after me with your phone.
8:21
SPEAKER_01: So it was a lot of fun.
8:23
SPEAKER_02: That it was that was fun.
8:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yay, I'm gonna be on someone's TV.
8:27
SPEAKER_02: I don't know, but I'm like, I'm I'm all for it.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: Living in a place of yes.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, it was it was just on Instagram and TikTok, but you know, you never know.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: That one video might make you TikTok famous.
8:43
SPEAKER_02: That was not the video for me, but but it will be fun, it will be because we're gonna like did we share that video?
8:52
SPEAKER_04: I don't remember.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: I I did tag you in it.
8:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I remember seeing it, but I don't I don't think we shared it because you know we could go back and do it.
9:03
SPEAKER_04: I don't go back, yeah.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: We would have shared the hell out of it.
9:07
SPEAKER_04: I just remember that coming back from Podfest was very um like overwhelming because we had we had we had a great time there.
9:23
SPEAKER_04: Um there were you know just so much to do, so much to learn, so many people that we met, and then coming back and trying to balance that take what we learned and implement versus jump back into lives, kids, jobs, pets, husband, whatever, you know, and it was like a little bit overwhelming.
9:46
SPEAKER_04: So I think the first week it was like, okay, I have to tune everything else out because otherwise I'm not gonna be able to function at work.
9:56
SPEAKER_04: And and I think that unfortunately, some things fell by the wayside.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: It really did.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was just like it was, I think that was the hardest part for me because like I was mentally still in Orlando and I'm still riding the high.
10:14
SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, but I have to be here and I gotta be a grown-up.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: And yes, that week for me was like two weeks.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: I was like, going to the motions.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Was this y'all's first year at podcast?
10:27
SPEAKER_04: It was my second and her first.
10:31
SPEAKER_04: But my first year was 2020, so I had I had a big gap in between.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: You didn't have me.
10:39
SPEAKER_04: And I didn't have you, yeah.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, that makes the difference.
10:44
SPEAKER_04: It did it really did make a difference.
10:46
SPEAKER_04: When I went in 2020, my husband came with me.
10:49
SPEAKER_04: And you know, it was fine.
10:51
SPEAKER_04: He was a good sport, it was it was nice.
10:55
SPEAKER_04: I I so our podcast launched in December of 2019.
11:03
SPEAKER_04: And then in 2020, Podfest was in March, it was like the very end of February or beginning of March.
11:13
SPEAKER_04: And we went, and it was just it was super overwhelming because I'm just totally new to everything podcast related.
11:20
SPEAKER_04: And and then there's you know, like that whole other thing called COVID that was like just starting to kind of come around.
11:27
SPEAKER_04: And the day we flew back home was the day that New York declared state of emergency, and it's like, um, are we even gonna get a flight home?
11:37
SPEAKER_04: Our kids like so it was fun because I got a lot from it, and I knew that this is something that I definitely wanted to do again.
11:49
SPEAKER_04: But it was overwhelming because there was it was me and him, and as much as he was trying to be supportive, he wasn't in the same headspace that I was, so this, but only so much that he could do for me or with me.
12:06
SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, the whole back burner, like, oh, what is COVID?
12:11
SPEAKER_04: What's gonna happen?
12:13
SPEAKER_04: You know, but this time I was like, um, come hell or high water.
12:19
SPEAKER_04: Like, if I have to go to Wisconsin and drag you kicking and screaming, your ass is getting on a plane.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: So she kind of did that in a way.
12:29
SPEAKER_02: I love that, not physically, but she was kind of maybe verbally abusive, but I kind of liked it.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Lisa.
12:35
SPEAKER_04: Everything is booked, just get your ass on a plane, like it's all done.
12:38
SPEAKER_04: Just be there.
12:40
SPEAKER_04: Okay, I guess.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: I love that, and I love um, I love the podfest high that you have afterwards.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: My first year was um a little overwhelming.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Like I stayed to myself.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: I did speak to a few people, but only if they were like in my vicinity, right?
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Like if you were sitting beside me, I spoke to you.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, I didn't go out of my way to be involved or meet people that I didn't already know.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: So I still kind of stayed to myself.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: And it was very overwhelming because I had, you know, went through like a podcast cohort and I had started my podcast.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: So I already had my own little podcast community.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: So I was going to learn what other people were learning.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, so the first year was very overwhelming in that sense.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: And then this year I went because my podcast is a year old, I went for a different reason.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: So my reason now is about growing my podcast, but not so much in like monetization and things like that.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm I don't know that I'm there yet or that I even want that type of headache.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: So podcasting is still more of a hobby for me.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: But the direction and the trajectory that my podcast is going, I'm just wanting it to be more meaningful, wanting it to, you know, just touch more people's lives, um, get my message out there more.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: So um I, you know, I just think it's great how everyone comes together at Podfest and it's such a community of everyone that is so accepting.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: And everybody is so selfless.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Like everybody wants to help you, like they're so willing.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: What can I do to help you?
14:50
SPEAKER_01: Even though they're in the midst of everything they're doing, and you we already know what it's like to have a podcast and all that goes into it.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: And people want to help you grow, they want to help you get to wherever it is that you want to be.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: And so I I definitely know what it's like to come home from that kind of high and have all these ideas in your head, but then also reality hits, and it's like, so when can I actually implement?
15:21
SPEAKER_01: And then all of these people that have um invited me to be on their podcast, or um, people that I met that I would like to have on my podcast.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: But of course, I'm not guesting yet because I haven't tried to figure it out, and it's another extra technical component for me and more time consuming for me that I don't necessarily have.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like all these great things that I want to do and I want to implement, but it's just you come back and life just gets in the way.
15:57
SPEAKER_04: It just kind of smacks you right in the face, like you were having a great time, but here I am.
16:03
SPEAKER_04: Stop up there.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: You're exactly right.
16:10
SPEAKER_04: It it really is though a high when you when you're there and it's like even on the plane ride home, and then I mean, at least for me, it was like 72 degrees in Orlando, and then I land at Newark Airport and it's 40 degrees, and the cold slaps me, and I'm like, uh I don't want to be here.
16:34
SPEAKER_04: It's cold.
16:36
SPEAKER_04: I was wearing a t-shirt this morning.
16:38
SPEAKER_04: I was in a pool yesterday.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: Oh, you got in the pool?
16:43
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yes.
16:44
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm gonna go.
16:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we took a day off, like because it was a lot, and you're like, you know.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: That Saturday, we're like, you know what?
16:51
SPEAKER_02: We just need a day off.
16:52
SPEAKER_02: And that day off turned out to be the best day ever.
16:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, one of the we we did some stuff in the morning because I think we did the coffee meetup in the morning, right?
17:02
SPEAKER_04: That was Saturday.
17:03
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember which one.
17:04
SPEAKER_02: But we did do we did do podcasting work, and then like, you know what?
17:09
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and then we we blew off one of the talks that we won were like thinking about going to, and we put on our bathing suits and went and laid in a corner by the pool for a few hours.
17:21
SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm bringing my swimsuit next year, and and then yeah, and then we got ready for the for the closing party, and did was the was the open mic that same day, or was it I don't even know.
17:39
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I don't remember anything.
17:41
SPEAKER_02: I remember everything that we did as far as where it landed.
17:46
SPEAKER_04: I I don't remember because yeah, yeah, but I just remember that we were like, Do you wanna?
17:52
SPEAKER_04: And she's like, Oh my god, do you want?
17:53
SPEAKER_04: I was like, Oh yes, please.
17:55
SPEAKER_02: I was so hoping that she would want.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, ah, I don't want to be that person.
17:59
SPEAKER_04: We took our leftover food.
18:01
SPEAKER_04: We had some leftover Wawa pizza, some some drinks that we made, chips, and we brought it all out by the pool.
18:09
SPEAKER_04: Got one of those seats under the those little like tents, yeah, and just sat there for a couple of hours, just taking taking the day, just enjoying it.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: It was great.
18:24
SPEAKER_02: It was the first time I wore a two-piece since I was 17.
18:28
SPEAKER_02: And my 17-year-old body, like looking back, I was like, damn, I was hot.
18:33
SPEAKER_02: Of course, then I was just like, I didn't, you know, you don't think it when you're 17.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm now like, I don't care.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: I got stretch, I got rolls, I got marks, I don't care.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, you have our version of beauty at 17 is not the same as our version of beauty now.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: So it there's no standards, you're still beautiful.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: I just like, you know what?
18:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm just glad it fit because I bought the swimsuit last summer and it was like, oh, it fits, it's gorgeous.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: Of course, you know, there's Thanksgiving, there was Christmas, there was just the winter.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm gonna stay in bed and eat winter days.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't know if this fits anymore.
19:13
SPEAKER_02: It fits enough that nothing popped out.
19:15
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, this is that's all I care about.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: There'll be no Janet Jackson Super Bowl issues.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: That's all I cared about.
19:22
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, it's on, nothing's popping off.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: It's not gonna just like all of a sudden just that was my biggest fear.
19:29
SPEAKER_02: Like this the clip was just gonna go, woo-hoo, hello.
19:32
SPEAKER_02: And that would have been another story.
19:34
SPEAKER_02: An excellent podcast, though.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: But thankfully we didn't have to go through that.
19:39
SPEAKER_04: Oh, there was a man, speaking of letting it all hang out.
19:45
SPEAKER_04: So I'm laying well, yeah.
19:47
SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, yes, I'm laying on the lounge chair, and she went inside to use the bathroom.
19:55
SPEAKER_04: So while she was gone, I was like, Oh, let me take this opportunity to look at the 47 reels my husband sent me on Instagram.
20:05
SPEAKER_04: But because of the glare, I'm laying there like this, watching, because I, you know, so I could see.
20:12
SPEAKER_04: And then out of the corner of my eye, I see her walking up ahead.
20:17
SPEAKER_04: And so I look up because I see her, and then I see a man who is laying on his chair, like behind her, so to speak.
20:26
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, wow, wow, his shorts are like really the color of his skin.
20:32
SPEAKER_04: That's so amazing.
20:35
SPEAKER_04: And then I'm like, wait a minute.
20:37
SPEAKER_04: I don't think, is he wearing a speedo?
20:40
SPEAKER_04: And I look at her and I look over, and now I think he must have thought I was filming him because I had my phone up.
20:47
SPEAKER_04: So then he starts to go like this and reach underneath him, and he's got shorts and he's putting his shorts on, but not before we both realize, like, oh, he was just letting it all hang out.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: And I repeat him going to the bathroom.
21:03
SPEAKER_02: I was just like meh, yeah, he was naked, he was naked, naked, naked, he was naked, yeah.
21:12
SPEAKER_04: Like, dude, there's kids in the pool.
21:15
SPEAKER_04: Like, what are you doing?
21:17
SPEAKER_04: I was like an older man.
21:18
SPEAKER_04: I mean, he's probably like in his 60s, and it's like, I mean, I'm not offended, I'm more like, oh, that's so funny.
21:27
SPEAKER_04: But there's kids in the pool.
21:30
SPEAKER_04: Where did you think you were?
21:31
SPEAKER_04: Like, this is Orlando, not Jamaica, buddy.
21:35
SPEAKER_04: Like, we're not at an adult resort.
21:39
SPEAKER_02: I was just assuming that he's from a culture where it's natural.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: You do it in front of is no big deal.
21:47
SPEAKER_02: So that's how I went into it.
21:48
SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, meh.
21:51
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah.
21:55
SPEAKER_04: And I just wonder how many other people walk by were like, oh, oh.
22:00
SPEAKER_04: Oh.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: And I think there was another person like a couple of cots down from him.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: She didn't give a f she was getting her tan on.
22:09
SPEAKER_02: She I don't think she gave two flying fit nudes.
22:11
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I was totally oblivious until when I looked up because I was waiting for you to come back.
22:18
SPEAKER_04: That's when I noticed.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, I wonder how much we see, and our minds see it, but it's not something that should be happening, or it's not something we should be seeing, but our brains tell us something else.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know what I would have.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: If I would have seen a naked man tannin at the pool in Florida, I I don't know that my brain would have even processed that that he was even naked because there should not be a naked man by a pool.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: So I'm wondering how many people even notice, and especially if he's laying down.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: But I'm sure if he stood up.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
23:18
SPEAKER_02: I mean, he wasn't, I mean, honestly, uh and not Mr.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: Universe, but he wasn't too bad either.
23:26
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I didn't see what he had, but you know, but a naked body.
23:30
SPEAKER_02: No, I was like, okay, cool.
23:34
SPEAKER_04: I saw enough to know what I saw.
23:36
SPEAKER_04: Right.
23:38
SPEAKER_04: I couldn't describe it later.
23:42
SPEAKER_02: So that's so funny.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: That is interesting.
23:48
SPEAKER_02: It was an interesting weekend all around.
23:50
SPEAKER_04: It was, yeah.
23:52
SPEAKER_04: Um so before before we were rec recording, we were having um a conversation about reality TV, and then I interrupted because I was like, um, guys, we're not recording.
24:08
SPEAKER_04: So we were talking I was yelling at you about something.
24:13
SPEAKER_04: You were yeah, you were you were gonna yell at me for something.
24:15
SPEAKER_04: You don't remember what it was?
24:17
SPEAKER_00: No, I don't remember what it was either.
24:19
SPEAKER_04: About how I work you to the bone, doesn't sound familiar.
24:22
SPEAKER_02: I say that all the time.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know what I was gonna say.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: Honestly, this once you went to recording, uh-huh.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have forgotten.
24:33
SPEAKER_04: We were talking about love is blind and this and and the married at first sight seasons and the reunions, and and then I said something about that maybe we should do one of the love is blind, and then you were about to accuse me of something, namely working you too hard, and then something else.
24:54
SPEAKER_04: And yeah, yeah, I don't know.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, she said she said, I don't want to.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: I think you said you didn't want to do a season of Love is Blind.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: I thought it was Lost I didn't want to do.
25:03
SPEAKER_04: No, you repeat she didn't want to do a season uh another season of Lost.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, lost that that wasn't gonna happen at all.
25:11
SPEAKER_04: Um if it's in the season, it will.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I what was that gonna I remember the situation?
25:17
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember what's another tree about.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: I'll probably remember sometime tonight as I'm dozing off to bed, and I'm like, oh yeah, let me jot this down on my phone that way the next time record with her, I can yell at her again.
25:28
SPEAKER_04: Because we were we were talking about the um the rules and regulations about having to get married and then not being able to break up.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: And I don't know why I was gonna yell at you.
26:08
SPEAKER_02: Like I something about you worked me to the bones.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: I don't know where it was going.
26:15
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember.
26:18
SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, but that's part of the course, that's completely on brand for me.
26:24
SPEAKER_04: So yeah.
26:27
SPEAKER_04: What other reality shows are good?
26:30
SPEAKER_04: I'm not a huge reality show person.
26:34
SPEAKER_04: Um like I don't really take it upon myself to like, oh, that looks fun.
26:40
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna watch it until I get her into something, but then once I start, I'm like, okay, I need more episodes.
26:46
SPEAKER_02: Like maths, yeah.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: She was like, okay, I'll do it.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: And then she's like, Can I watch the next one now?
26:50
SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh, okay.
26:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't, you know, I don't really watch a lot of TV in general, especially reality TV.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: It takes someone to explain it in a way or tell me something that's happening to really catch my attention.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, oh yeah, now I'm gonna take it all the way to the end.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna bought like just like sheep to the law, like sheep to the slaughter.
27:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm gonna watch this until I don't care how bad the show gets.
27:22
SPEAKER_04: But that's how I was with Below Deck for years and years, it's been on the on the air.
27:29
SPEAKER_04: And then finally, we had watched last year, we had started watching The Traders, and Kate was on it from uh she was one of the chief stews on Below Deck.
27:42
SPEAKER_04: And then we're like, oh, people have like all these feelings about her.
27:46
SPEAKER_04: So my husband and one of my daughters was like, All right, we're gonna watch Below Deck.
27:51
SPEAKER_04: We're gonna see like what all the fuss is about.
27:53
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, all right, whatever.
27:56
SPEAKER_04: They started watching it, and then here and there I would catch pieces as I, you know, would pass the living room.
28:03
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, oh, oh, I want to see what happens.
28:07
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
28:08
SPEAKER_04: And they would laugh at me, and they're like, Why don't you just sit down and watch it with us?
28:11
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
28:12
SPEAKER_04: I'm I got something else to do, whatever.
28:15
SPEAKER_04: And then finally it was like, after seeing more and more, I was like, all right, maybe I'm gonna watch it.
28:20
SPEAKER_04: I watched, I mean, it 10, I went through 10 seasons on my own.
28:28
SPEAKER_04: There, I think they're still at like six season six or seven, and it was just like on my iPad, on the TV, you know, what and I and I just flew through them.
28:40
SPEAKER_04: They're like, Did you pass us?
28:42
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Oh, I way past you.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: I'm past you, I'm on the other franchises.
28:48
SPEAKER_04: I am she's yeah, addicted.
28:50
SPEAKER_04: I think I have now seen all the episodes of all the franchises, and they're like, um I think this might be a problem.
28:58
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Well, you started it.
29:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so I I know the feeling where it's like you're not not into it, not into it until something makes you into it, and then I'm like, I need all of it.
29:15
SPEAKER_04: Yes, give it to me.
29:17
SPEAKER_04: Give it to me.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: I'm a binger, yeah.
29:19
SPEAKER_04: Me too.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: I prefer to binge watch now.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Like, I I have my list of shows that I want to watch, and I wait till the season's over, and then I'm like, binge watch it because I don't like the wait.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: I want what I want when I want it.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: And like I the traders, I started watching it, but then I stopped it for some reason.
29:37
SPEAKER_02: So I just started watching this.
29:39
SPEAKER_02: I watched season one.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh good, season one's done.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm watching it.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: It's time for season two.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: And then I didn't realize that season two was currently being aired.
29:50
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, oh, you're killing me, smalls.
29:52
SPEAKER_02: Like, I gotta wait.
29:53
SPEAKER_02: I think I got like four episodes in before I was like, okay, now I have to wait now.
29:58
SPEAKER_02: Pain, the worst pain ever.
30:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh man.
30:01
SPEAKER_02: Now I'm ahead of her.
30:03
SPEAKER_02: And you need to finish it because the season's over and next week is this reunion to get together.
30:09
SPEAKER_04: I we watched some more.
30:11
SPEAKER_04: We we watched some more.
30:12
SPEAKER_04: I got them to watch some more, and we would have watched more, except I had to go pick up a child from her not boyfriend's house.
30:19
SPEAKER_04: And that's what you get.
30:20
SPEAKER_04: You should just have stopped at one.
30:21
SPEAKER_04: That's what I did.
30:23
SPEAKER_04: That one was the one I had to pick up.
30:25
SPEAKER_04: So oh, go figure.
30:27
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
30:29
SPEAKER_04: So I think we might be up to the finale now.
30:32
SPEAKER_04: I think.
30:34
SPEAKER_02: So keep my mouth shut.
30:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, don't say anything.
30:36
SPEAKER_04: I hate spoilers.
30:37
SPEAKER_02: You'll come to me when you're ready.
30:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
30:40
SPEAKER_04: I don't know if you watch the traders, but it's um I don't.
30:44
SPEAKER_04: It's so good.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: But now I'm intrigued that I'm gonna look it up.
30:49
SPEAKER_04: So what happens is there's a bunch of character um contestants.
30:53
SPEAKER_04: Last year, I think it was a mix of like reality TV stars and then like quote unquote regular people.
30:59
SPEAKER_04: And this year, I think it's all reality stars, and they're put in a castle in Scotland, and I think it starts out with 20 people, and three.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: Season one was 20, season two was 21 initially.
31:14
SPEAKER_02: It gets okay.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: Weird.
31:16
SPEAKER_04: So then the goal is to make it to the end, and you get the money, and the money is determined throughout the course of the game.
31:27
SPEAKER_04: They do like challenges, and that depends on how much they earn.
31:31
SPEAKER_04: However, there's three traders in the bunch, and nobody knows who the traders are except for the traders.
31:38
SPEAKER_04: They know who they, you know, each other are.
31:41
SPEAKER_04: And every night they murder someone, but then every night, like also every night they have a round table where they can vote somebody off.
31:51
SPEAKER_04: So the idea is to find the traders and vote them off.
31:56
SPEAKER_04: And at the end of the game, if there's any traitors left, then the traders get the money.
32:01
SPEAKER_04: So it's this whole like, I'm a faithful, I'm a faithful.
32:07
SPEAKER_04: Mind you, they're traders, but we know who they are, they don't know who they are.
32:11
SPEAKER_04: And so it's just this whole big game of deceit and skill and it I so like for me, it's like right up my alley.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: So, do the people watching know who the traders are?
32:25
SPEAKER_04: Yes, we as viewers, we know who they are.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: So you just watch it all unfold.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and it's still like even I'm thinking, you know what the trader the traders are.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: Like, do you still have that sense of intrigue?
32:39
SPEAKER_02: You still do, yeah.
32:40
SPEAKER_02: You still there's still that sense of like, are they gonna how are they gonna play this out?
32:44
SPEAKER_02: Right.
32:44
SPEAKER_02: Are they gonna get the right way?
32:46
SPEAKER_04: Why are they gonna you shouldn't have murdered that person, you should have murdered this person because now they're gonna say, oh, this person was on to you and then they got murdered.
32:53
SPEAKER_04: And it's a and you're like yelling at the TV, like, yeah.
32:57
SPEAKER_02: Season one did a lot of yelling because like they they yeah, they didn't play it well.
33:04
SPEAKER_04: The traitors, I mean, it was just and also it's hosted by Alan Cumming, and I don't know if you're familiar with him.
33:11
SPEAKER_04: I'm not too like I wasn't too familiar with him, but he is he is so fucking fabulous with his glasses and his sachets and his kilts, and I'm just like, why can I not be that man?
33:22
SPEAKER_02: Because I fell in love with him when he was on The Good Wife.
33:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I didn't watch that.
33:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that was another good show.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but he's a total is a totally different persona, obviously, as a character, but you'd like to be like oh yeah, no, he's he's so cool.
33:34
SPEAKER_04: He is so cool, and then he's like Minder.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: I am gonna watch this show.
33:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's good.
33:43
SPEAKER_04: Like if you like game shows and like mystery kind of things, it's like it's like it's like a really elaborate game of clue.
33:53
SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah, yeah.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna check it out.
33:55
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's good.
33:57
SPEAKER_04: Um sorry, I'm like got traitors in my head now.
34:05
SPEAKER_04: Um there was another game show like that called The Hustler with Craig Ferguson.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: I loved that, and I'm so mad at the season, like they canceled it.
34:17
SPEAKER_04: That was the best it was more or less the same concept, except it just it was like every episode was its own.
34:26
SPEAKER_04: And there would be like five or six contestants, and one of them was the hustler, so they were in on it, and every round they would do trivia questions.
34:36
SPEAKER_04: They all had to agree on an answer, but the hustler knew the answer to every single question.
34:44
SPEAKER_04: But obviously, if the group is like getting the wrong answer, the hustler has to be like, okay, well, do I say no?
34:52
SPEAKER_04: This is the right answer so that we can bank the money, or do I stay shut because answering without myself?
34:59
SPEAKER_04: And then every round they got to vote on who they thought the hustler was, and if they got it wrong, you know, then they got it wrong.
35:11
SPEAKER_04: But it was um it was good, it was good, you know.
35:16
SPEAKER_04: Same same kind of premise, just a lot less involved.
35:20
SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I don't know, they never brought it back.
35:22
SPEAKER_02: I think it did two seasons, it was a good two seasons, but it was short seasons.
35:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're professional, I'm a professional TV watcher.
35:31
SPEAKER_02: Um I'll watch anything at least one.
35:35
SPEAKER_02: It's a fucking lost socks.
35:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry to lost fans.
35:41
SPEAKER_02: I can't, it's killing me.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: I can't.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: It was it was okay for me up until the last season.
35:48
SPEAKER_04: We're in season five right now, so we're we're almost there, but she is just there, there have been moments where she's like, okay, I could do this, okay, this is not that bad.
36:01
SPEAKER_04: And then it's like, oh, I remember why I hate this show.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm just glad that okay, so the premise of Sassin Sips is that they're gonna talk about the show, we're gonna drink, which is great, before we pick the show.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: But I think she already had her show in mind.
36:18
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, we'll go into it.
36:21
SPEAKER_02: If drinking wasn't part of our show, I would have started drinking once I start watching the show.
36:26
SPEAKER_02: Like it was gonna be inevitable.
36:27
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I I can't do this sober.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: I can't.
36:30
SPEAKER_02: Like you're killed, I I can't.
36:33
SPEAKER_02: It's uh I'm just glad there are some people that still listen to us that don't like the show, but they still listen for us.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, thank you.
36:44
SPEAKER_02: Yes, like geek.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: Because if you go, if you're just listening for lost, they probably hate me because I'm like, I the show is horrible, it's driving me crazy.
36:57
SPEAKER_02: Going down the rabbit hole.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: I feel like Alice dropping another rabbit hole and never to like I don't ever land, I don't land in Wonderland.
37:04
SPEAKER_02: I just keep going down, down, down, down, down.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, you probably have some listeners out there that don't like Lost as much as you, and they're probably listening for your take on that.
37:18
SPEAKER_04: Well, maybe they're hating me, not you.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no one can ever hate you, Lisa.
37:23
SPEAKER_04: You're people who hate Lost, maybe they hate me.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: Maybe just hate your your taste in TV shows.
37:31
SPEAKER_04: Whatever, it's fine.
37:34
SPEAKER_04: They don't pay my bills.
37:38
SPEAKER_04: I mean, if if anybody wants to be hopeful, I can hate lost too, just putting it out there.
37:43
SPEAKER_04: Just everybody has an extra couple of thousand dollars a month that they want to throw at me.
37:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, if you want to sponsor my podcast, I will hate whatever show that you want to hate.
37:54
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely, absolutely bring it.
37:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, if I need to start loving the show, I would start loving it.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: What if Lost wanted to sponsor your show?
38:08
SPEAKER_02: Whatever they want us to do, like they would have to sponsor this hot mess in its entirety.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: But if there needs to be some tweaks, I'm I'm I'm good with that.
38:17
SPEAKER_02: I would tweak it.
38:18
SPEAKER_02: You want me to become a complete lost to fight?
38:22
SPEAKER_02: Fine, I will do that.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm just taking up that extra bottle of wine to go with it, but yeah, but I think I'm sure they like your perspective.
38:32
SPEAKER_04: But I I like her perspective because it comes from a different place, you know.
38:38
SPEAKER_04: Yes, when the show is on, the only people that you can talk about the show, the only people you could talk to about the show were people who are watching it, and the only people who are watching it are people who liked it.
38:51
SPEAKER_04: So it's very, you might get a little bit different perspective on things here and there, but for the most part, it's kind of all like homogeneous, you know?
39:01
SPEAKER_04: And then hearing her perspective from somebody who's like hate watching it because she feels obligated.
39:08
SPEAKER_04: It's like, oh, I didn't think about that, you know.
39:12
SPEAKER_04: So it it is really nice to have a completely different view of it.
39:18
SPEAKER_04: So I I definitely appreciate that, and I'm sure the listeners do too.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Because no one, I mean, no one wants someone that's gonna agree with them all the time.
39:31
SPEAKER_01: That's in any that's in anything in life.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: If you constantly had a yes person, you would get tired of that.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: So just as much as people like to hear about loss, people might like to not hear.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: No, just as much as people like to hear to talk about loss, there are also people that want to talk about lost that didn't like lost.
39:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and there's a lot of people out there that really like the whole show up until the very end.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: So then Rebecca, they liked it the entire time, but then once it was over, they're like, you know what?
40:11
SPEAKER_01: Why did I even waste my time?
40:14
SPEAKER_01: And it's the same way with Game of Thrones, like it took I had to watch the first three episodes with my best friend for her to literally talk to me through the entire first three episodes to explain why I should be watching this before I could get it.
40:35
SPEAKER_01: And I enjoyed Game of Thrones, I didn't have a problem with the ending, um, because all things have to come to an end.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: But a lot of people had a problem with the ending, and then that ending just completely changed their whole perspective about the the show.
40:51
SPEAKER_01: They're like, uh, I but they loved it for however many seasons, and then when it was over, they're like, uh, don't watch it.
41:01
SPEAKER_01: I hated it.
41:02
SPEAKER_01: The ending was stupid.
41:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and and we're back with Sasson Fifth and Rebecca from Love Is Not Dead, just my husband.
41:17
SPEAKER_02: So we have a little like it was a little intrigue, a little like dun dun dun.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: That just happened.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was it was um a podcast interlude.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: If we had commercials, this would be the time to put that commercial in.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is the part whenever it cut off, you play that music.
41:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming you ladies are around my age.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for yeah, but you know that that music that used to play on the TV whenever it would just stop, just stop, like the sh just nothing was there, and there was like this music playing, and you're like, what the like elevator music or something?
42:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that's you find that sound where we come.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: But throw a little music in there, like the little music in there, and they're like, wait, what the what what why and and and the amount of people who will continue to listen that would be the until it's like you're on the phone and you're on hold, and there's the elevator music, you're tired of holding, right?
42:29
SPEAKER_01: But there's something about that music, depending on your age, that is just drawing you in.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: Just like, yes, so they say like you can't like some songs can't like call gin exit.
42:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there are certain things you're like do do do here.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: I'm coming, like I've got I'm here, I am not one of you now.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then and then they go, Thank you for holding.
42:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, right in the middle of that song.
42:55
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that was a good part of the song too, and then it just doesn't, yeah.
42:59
SPEAKER_02: And when they and then you get excited because you're like, oh, so it's picking up, and they get like, no, you're not picking up, you ruined the song.
43:04
SPEAKER_02: I gotta do this all over again.
43:06
SPEAKER_04: I gotta I just waited here for 37 minutes and you picked up on the part that I liked.
43:12
SPEAKER_04: Fitting, yeah, fitting.
43:14
SPEAKER_02: There were times where I get disappointed when they actually do pick up.
43:16
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, okay.
43:18
SPEAKER_02: One, I forgot what I wanted, and two, I kind of want to sit that song.
43:21
SPEAKER_02: You just put me back on hold for a second.
43:22
SPEAKER_04: No, no, but then it's but then and then sometimes when it says like thank you for holding, like we we we appreciate your call, blah blah blah.
43:31
SPEAKER_04: But uh your call is very important to us, and then the music starts over again.
43:37
SPEAKER_04: That never happens to you.
43:38
SPEAKER_02: No, sometimes it's a different song.
43:42
SPEAKER_02: I don't now stop.
43:44
SPEAKER_02: I think I'm gonna call Social Security and just because that's that's that's definitely a time that you're on you're on the phone for a long time.
43:51
SPEAKER_02: So you're like, I I'm gonna call them and just yeah, and see if that happens.
43:57
SPEAKER_04: Well, speaking of podcasts, before I mean, I don't know um how long you have, like I I'm in no rush.
44:05
SPEAKER_04: I don't think Agnes is any in any rush, but but we have to get the road too of your time.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: No, I since no, I'm not in a rush.
44:14
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay, good, good.
44:16
SPEAKER_04: Can you um talk to us and everybody about your podcast if that's okay?
44:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: So So my podcast, well, I always have I have a tendency to um give a short version because in my podcast and as I am in real life, my episodes start right with what I want to say and end rather quickly.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: So short and sweet, it's straight to the point.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
44:57
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people are like, you don't give enough detail.
45:00
SPEAKER_01: Um you need to tell more.
45:03
SPEAKER_01: And I am like this in real life because even my best friend says, I don't give enough detail.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: Like I have to update my family after during like my you know cancer visits and treatments and stuff.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: And I'll send these little um messages and say treatment done.
45:21
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, and I'm like, well, what more do you want to know?
45:26
SPEAKER_01: It's done, it's over with.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, are you on your way home?
45:29
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, I'm on my way home.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: Do I need to say that I'm on my way home?
45:34
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, yes.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, geez, you guys can't read between the lines at all.
45:40
SPEAKER_00: So that is me.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: So do you want the short version?
45:48
SPEAKER_04: Whatever we want the Rebecca version.
45:51
SPEAKER_02: Whatever version.
45:51
SPEAKER_01: We want the Rebecca version.
45:53
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
45:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, my podcast is Love Is Not Dead, just my husband.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: It is a podcast about um, it is a podcast for widows that are looking to move forward um and basically live a happily ever after after their loss.
46:14
SPEAKER_01: And for me, the only way to do that is to widow your way.
46:19
SPEAKER_01: And so basically, um, when you're grieving, a lot of people say there's no right or wrong way to grieve, right?
46:29
SPEAKER_01: But truly the only people who say that are other people who have grieved.
46:35
SPEAKER_01: This is not something that people say that have never experienced a loss before.
46:41
SPEAKER_01: So the people who have not experienced loss will say other things that they feel are uh they do their best.
46:52
SPEAKER_01: That's all I can say.
46:53
SPEAKER_01: Bless their hearts, they do their best.
46:55
SPEAKER_01: They're trying to find words to comfort you in a time of need, um, but they just don't know how that affects us.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: And the thing about these words or these phrases or these things that people tell us, everyone perceives them differently during their grief.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: It also depends how many losses has that person experienced in their life, how much grief have they experienced?
47:28
SPEAKER_01: What has their childhood been like?
47:30
SPEAKER_01: What's their family dynamic like?
47:32
SPEAKER_01: What's their support system like?
47:34
SPEAKER_01: So saying, I'm sorry for your loss can mean something totally different to each person that's grieving.
47:43
SPEAKER_01: And it's not the words that are being spoken.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, because there's honestly, there's nothing wrong with saying that.
47:52
SPEAKER_01: It's a very generic, basic condolence that most people feel are is appropriate.
48:00
SPEAKER_01: But depending on that person who is actually in grief, their perception of that phrase is going to be different.
48:09
SPEAKER_01: So um, with that, you just have to learn how to process things yourself.
48:20
SPEAKER_01: And then also for me, I look at how other people are feeling as well.
48:25
SPEAKER_01: And I know I get a lot of slack about that sometimes from um other widows or just people grieving that I shouldn't be worrying about what other people think.
48:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's not that I worry about what they think about my grieving process or how I'm grieving, but I also take into consideration how they're grieving the same loss as mine.
48:51
SPEAKER_01: And I also like to take into consideration have they ever experienced a loss before or not?
48:57
SPEAKER_01: So I don't take those words or those phrases um to heart, but um now I forgot what I was saying.
49:09
SPEAKER_01: I feel like sometimes I ramble.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: This is why, this is why my podcasts are so short because I have ADHD and I ramble.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, um I wanted to come up with something specifically for widows that says there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but we don't listen to that and we don't actually do it.
49:33
SPEAKER_01: So I felt like widows needed something that was a little more in your face and something that was a little more specific to widows themselves.
49:42
SPEAKER_01: So I came up with widow your way.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: So it's kind of saying there's no right or wrong way to grieve for a widow, but it's also something that they can say themselves, I'm gonna widow my way.
49:56
SPEAKER_01: And it may not be your way and you may not like this way, but this is the way that I'm gonna do it because this is who I am based on my life, my experiences, my relationship with grief and loss, and who I lost.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: And it's not gonna be the same as yours, it's mine, so I'm gonna widow my way.
50:21
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I have to say that I've um I'm not a widow, so I didn't know of your podcast until after we had met.
50:32
SPEAKER_04: And I did listen to a couple of episodes because I wanted to learn, you know, after meeting you, and I was like, well, I want to like learn more about her journey.
50:44
SPEAKER_04: And one of the things that struck me was just like how real you are like when you speak.
50:52
SPEAKER_04: Um and it's it's crazy because it's like you you keep the tone light enough where as the listener, I don't feel like I'm going to be and I don't, I don't know, like bogged down, it might not be like the right phrase, but I don't I don't feel like oh my god, like this is so hard, this is so emotional, but but your emotions are still very present, and it's like you're giving permission not only to yourself but to anyone who is listening, that it that the emotions are okay, but that's not what the episode is about.
51:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:42
SPEAKER_04: I don't know if I'm wording it incorrectly, but no, no.
51:45
SPEAKER_01: I think you're I think you're I mean, I understand what you're saying, and I'm glad you said that because that is kind of like what I try to portray.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, I also like to remind people that I'm five years out.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: So, um, and I am very honest in my podcast and even like on social media, that I may not be for someone who just lost their spouse, right?
52:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, but here's the thing, it's hard.
52:21
SPEAKER_01: It grief sucks.
52:23
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it fucking sucks.
52:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh, can I say that?
52:26
SPEAKER_02: Yes, we do all the time, okay.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: Grief fucking sucks, and it's hard, and you are going to feel like you want to die, but I don't see, and this is why it's different for everyone.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: This is why you widow your own way because you find your own way through it, you find your own support person, you find your own resources that are best for you.
52:59
SPEAKER_01: Um, now there are some people who are grieving and they really like to stay in that chain because it's it's comfortable and it's what makes them still feel connected to the person that they lost.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: And I have been there before.
53:18
SPEAKER_01: So I know exactly what that feels like, but that's not where I'm at in my life now.
53:24
SPEAKER_01: And that's what my podcast reflects, and that's what my message reflects.
53:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, I am about moving forward.
53:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm also about um the widowhood journey is about the widow and not the dead husband.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: And I think when someone is in their acute stages of grief, most conversations are about the person that they lost.
53:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm so sorry about your loss.
53:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.
53:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and and everything is around that person's steel.
54:05
SPEAKER_01: But what people are not seeing is the widow, the person that's still in front of them, you know, and that can come from the lost person's family.
54:17
SPEAKER_01: So for me with my husband, um, the majority of my husband's family was in another state, and I wasn't living in that state anymore.
54:27
SPEAKER_01: So for me, it felt like out of sight, out of mind.
54:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I lost connection with people that have been part of my family for more than 18 years, and it was hurtful.
54:41
SPEAKER_01: But I had to eventually come to the realization, you know, they may be grieving the loss of Tom, but they may not be grieving the loss of me the same way that I'm grieving not only the loss of my husband, but a loss of this extended family that I had been a part of for 18 plus years.
55:05
SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, there's a difference there, right?
55:08
SPEAKER_01: They're grieving him, but they're not grieving me.
55:11
SPEAKER_01: And um, so the same for you know, other people who are grieving.
55:20
SPEAKER_01: Like I just try to look at all perspectives, and for me, that just makes me feel better.
55:26
SPEAKER_01: But the but again, the podcast is about moving forward.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: It's more about the widow, what the widow is going through, your losses, your journey, how you're feeling, how you're changing through this.
55:42
SPEAKER_01: And so that's it's a little bit different approach than maybe what some of the other widow podcasts or grief and loss podcasts are doing.
55:55
SPEAKER_04: I think it's important.
55:57
SPEAKER_04: I mean, again, I'm not a widow, but I think it's important just for someone who is going through the loss almost to be given that permission that whatever they are feeling is okay from someone, like you said, who also has experienced it.
56:21
SPEAKER_04: Because sometimes when we don't have the experience for ourselves, we don't know what it's like to be in that place.
56:28
SPEAKER_04: We don't know how best to comfort somebody else or how to be there for them.
56:36
SPEAKER_04: But then when you find somebody who has gone through the same thing, you feel that camaraderie, that that shared experience, you know, that somebody who has gone through what you've gone through, you feel like, okay, well, that's somebody who, yes, they can understand.
56:58
SPEAKER_04: And and especially when they are more in front of it than you are, then you have like their wealth of knowledge, and then they can talk to you from a more don't cancel me for saying rational, but like but where there's where the emotions aren't the one who are front and center.
57:29
SPEAKER_04: Because I haven't lost my husband, I haven't lost a parent, but I have lost people in my life.
57:38
SPEAKER_04: And and I know that the the first thing that you go through is the emotions and the not wanting to believe it, and you know, the whole five stages, you know, and all of that, but but it's true, you know, because before you can get to the acceptance, you're you're in the haze of just nothing is real, life is fucked.
58:07
SPEAKER_04: What am I gonna do now?
58:09
SPEAKER_04: And you need somebody to help pull you from that place to remind you it's it's so hard right now, but we will get through it.
58:22
SPEAKER_04: It may not get easier, it may not get better, but we will get through it.
58:28
SPEAKER_04: And I feel like that's what you do for so many people is you help them get through it, and I think that that's really, really important for so many people.
58:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, thank you so much.
58:44
SPEAKER_01: And you know, and so I I appreciate what you had said.
58:49
SPEAKER_01: You're like, well, I haven't lost uh uh my husband, and I haven't lost, you know, parents or anything.
58:57
SPEAKER_01: But one of the things that I truly believe is that loss is loss.
59:03
SPEAKER_01: So you have obviously lost someone or something to where you understand that you can state, this is how I felt these emotions.
59:16
SPEAKER_01: They're the same emotions that I felt.
59:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't judge anyone else's loss and I don't compare losses either, because I I truly believe that loss is loss.
59:30
SPEAKER_01: Your loss is relevant and important to you based on your experience with that person or that thing, right?
59:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you are obviously feeling the same emotions that I have felt during my loss, my grieving process.
59:50
SPEAKER_01: The emotions are all the same, right?
59:53
SPEAKER_01: We're all experiencing the same emotions.
59:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think the difference is people make it personal.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_01: And what you have to understand, it's personal for you, but it's it's not personal for everyone else.
1:00:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, I can't relate to every single widow.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_01: And I know people they're like, oh, well, you're a widow.
1:00:20
SPEAKER_01: Tell me this.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, I am not speaking for every widow.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_01: I can only tell you from my experience.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_01: And I can all honestly tell you, I've had conversations with other widows where I have even felt like, how can I support this person?
1:00:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like what they're going through, I I don't feel that I went through that.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_01: I didn't go through that extent.
1:00:50
SPEAKER_01: I didn't experience some of the emotions and things that they're experiencing.
1:00:57
SPEAKER_01: So I think as long as um people can look at empathy not as walking in someone's shoes, but just as being able to relate to what they're saying based on a shared experience.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't have to be for me, it doesn't have to be a shared experience of losing a husband, as long as it's a shared experience of a loss.
1:01:28
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't necessarily have to be a loss from death.
1:01:32
SPEAKER_01: Like there's other losses that can be just as traumatic, like divorce is a very sticky topic amongst widows, whether what's worse, a divorce or you know, losing your husband to death.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, so as long as for me, as long as there is a shared experience and you can relate on some type of level, then I'm okay with opening up and having that conversation.
1:02:03
SPEAKER_01: But not so much for someone who hasn't experienced any type of loss.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_01: And I don't, and honestly, I don't think there's a single person on this planet that hasn't experienced some type of loss.
1:02:18
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:02:18
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:02:19
SPEAKER_01: Like in in some way, shape, or form, if you think about your entire life all the way back to your childhood, there is some type of loss that has been significant enough in your life to where we have had shared emotions around grief.
1:02:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's a good point.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_02: I guess because I think the the stages of grief encompasses are all lost, like you said, divorce, like end of a relationship, anything.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_02: Could you still go through those same stages?
1:02:57
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, see, they're stages of grief, yeah, not stages of my dead husband.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_01: They're not the stages of grief due to the death of somebody, they're stages of grief, not death, but grief.
1:03:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think these are the things people don't understand, and it's what makes it so difficult to talk about death.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I didn't really think about that.
1:03:29
SPEAKER_02: That's what makes it the reason is difficult.
1:03:32
SPEAKER_02: That's the reason because people think it's separate.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_02: Like death is different than this, and then death of they want to put the death of a spouse different than a death of a parent, or death that was it's all really the same thing.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_01: Take away the person, take away the death, take away the person itself, and then let's just talk about grief itself.
1:03:55
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about the emotions, let's talk about the feeling of loss, and not focus it on what was lost.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_01: And if and if you can keep that separate, then you can totally relate to someone and you can have a deep and meaningful conversation, and then you'll find that that conversation will lead more about you and more into about me if you just take the thing that was lost out of the equation, and then you can connect more with someone.
1:04:35
SPEAKER_04: I think sometimes it gets hard because it's almost like this is I don't know, I feel like so many people do it, and sometimes we do it without realizing it, but that whole comparison thing where it's almost like whatever person one is feeling is fine, but then person two is like, oh, but but you didn't lose you know it's a competition.
1:05:04
SPEAKER_04: They feel like it's a right, that's not the same as I lost this.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_04: Instead of just saying, Wow, that must have been really hard for you.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_04: I know when I lost such and such, it was really hard for me.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_04: Do you want to talk about it?
1:05:21
SPEAKER_04: Or you know, just something in instead of it being a versus, it can be uh an end.
1:05:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I think a lot of times when people compare, again, I'm always the devil's advocate.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm always thinking of someone else's feelings first.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_01: So if, you know, if I said, um, so take for example, me and my best friend.
1:05:49
SPEAKER_01: She lost her son, and then six months later I lost my husband.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_01: We don't say to each other, we don't, we don't compare those losses because we're both grieving and we're both going through the same emotions.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: So we talk about grief in general and we talk about how we feel, and um, and we talk about where we are in our grief, but we're not comparing whose loss was worse.
1:06:26
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:06:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think with what you were saying, Lisa, when someone's and when some one person is saying, um, this is my loss and this is what happened, and then someone says, Oh, well, when I lost my whatever, right, when they make it more about them, I feel like there's something more underlined to that.
1:06:57
SPEAKER_01: I feel that person hasn't been heard enough, they haven't been seen, they haven't been witnessed, like their grief has not been witnessed to the point where they feel um that it's being accepted or that they're being heard.
1:07:17
SPEAKER_01: And I think most people just want to know that they want you to know that they're hurting too.
1:07:24
SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that people say stuff like that maliciously, right?
1:07:29
SPEAKER_01: However, there are some people that I know for a fact that make statements like that to be hurtful and to be malicious, and I think that's wrong because as much as you want people to show you some grace during your grieving process, you should show other people grace as well.
1:07:58
SPEAKER_01: And you know that saying, um, you know, treat people how you want to be treated, treat yourself how you would treat other people as well.
1:08:14
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know, uh comparing grief is a big deal, and I do know that some people do it maliciously, but I like to think that they're not, and I like to think that maybe they just really need a listening ear at the moment and they need someone to hear them, and I am happy to just put mine aside and be that listening ear for them because I mean it seems important to them, and I think once they can um feel better about sharing their story and sharing their grief and know that people are taking them seriously because that's a big thing in the world of grief.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_01: No one wants to talk about it, and so they don't feel like people take them seriously.
1:09:08
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, most people are so uncomfortable with the topic that they don't want to discuss it.
1:09:14
SPEAKER_04: So then the person that's grieving feels like they can't share, especially when they get kind of diminished.
1:09:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they do people who are grieving a lot, um, you know, specifically widows, I think people diminish our feelings in a lot of ways just by the remarks that they say, like, oh, you're so strong.
1:09:38
SPEAKER_04: And then you're like, what choice do I have?
1:09:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, I gotta be strong now.
1:09:44
SPEAKER_01: I gotta be strong.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: I can't show weakness, I can't show that I'm crying, I can't show that I'm falling apart because now everyone thinks I'm so strong.
1:09:52
SPEAKER_01: And and now it's like a facade, right?
1:09:56
SPEAKER_01: And so now when you're in front of people, you're like, I'm so happy, I'm here, I'm strong.
1:10:02
SPEAKER_01: And when you're at home alone by yourself, you're just crying and falling apart because you don't feel comfortable being doing that in front of people because they're like, Oh, you're so strong.
1:10:14
SPEAKER_01: And then people say stuff like, oh, you're gonna find someone again one day.
1:10:21
SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, oh, now I gotta find someone again.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_01: I forgot, I forgot.
1:10:27
SPEAKER_01: Now I gotta move forward.
1:10:28
SPEAKER_01: Now I have to find love again and I have to show that you know I can be happy and I can move forward and be with someone else.
1:10:38
SPEAKER_01: Like a lot of these things that people say to widows is a lot of pressure.
1:10:44
SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of pressure.
1:10:45
SPEAKER_01: So if no one is giving you grace and asking you how you really feel and make you comfortable sharing your feelings, you're you're not.
1:10:55
SPEAKER_01: So that's also like part of what makes it really hard to move forward.
1:11:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:11:08
SPEAKER_04: I don't want to say the wrong thing.
1:11:10
SPEAKER_00: No, you can't do it.
1:11:11
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't think you can never say the wrong thing.
1:11:14
SPEAKER_01: The wrong thing.
1:11:15
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't, I don't think so.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_04: I I feel like even in that same that same train of topic, it's like somebody is saying, oh, you know, you're so strong, and then you feel like, okay, you have to put on the brave face.
1:11:31
SPEAKER_04: So you put on the brave face, and then I feel like there's probably people who see your brave face and think, oh, look at her, she's she doesn't even care.
1:11:42
SPEAKER_04: So do you ever feel like there's like you you can't get it right?
1:11:49
SPEAKER_04: And I know that there's no right way.
1:11:52
SPEAKER_04: I know, I know that, but I'm just saying, like, you know, because you're not you're not sad enough for some, you're not happy enough for others.
1:12:02
SPEAKER_04: It's like where what do you do?
1:12:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, that that is I look back now, um how I grieved my husband.
1:12:14
SPEAKER_01: Now, of course, when my after my husband had died, I had gotten a cancer diagnosis.
1:12:19
SPEAKER_01: So it did that did make a difference in my grieving process, right?
1:12:26
SPEAKER_01: So my grieving process for my husband was put on hold because I then had to take care of myself.
1:12:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, and by the time I was, you know, kind of out of the woods with my situation, um then it was like, oh, that's right, my husband died.
1:12:49
SPEAKER_01: I forgot to grieve.
1:12:50
SPEAKER_01: So now I'm grieving.
1:12:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, but also I was in a place where it's like I just want a normal life.
1:13:00
SPEAKER_01: So I went along with life like I do everything else.
1:13:06
SPEAKER_01: Um suck it up and get back to work and do your thing.
1:13:11
SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that visually I appeared that I was grieving my husband like other widows, maybe had.
1:13:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, in the first couple of weeks, I mean, yes, I was trying all the time and drinking a lot of alcohol and just trying to cope as best as I could and avoiding everyone and everything.
1:13:40
SPEAKER_01: So probably within that time, I probably appeared to be a normal grieving widow.
1:13:48
SPEAKER_01: But then when I had to start taking care of myself, and then that kind of lasted for a year.
1:13:57
SPEAKER_01: I really didn't truly grieve my husband until like a year later.
1:14:03
SPEAKER_01: And then it my life was still kind of moving forward in different directions.
1:14:08
SPEAKER_01: So it just made it, it felt awkward, if that makes sense.
1:14:12
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it felt awkward for me to grieve.
1:14:15
SPEAKER_01: It's like, should I still be grieving?
1:14:17
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's been a year.
1:14:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, am I over it?
1:14:20
SPEAKER_01: Do I miss them?
1:14:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:22
SPEAKER_01: Do I love them?
1:14:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:23
SPEAKER_01: But am I really sad?
1:14:26
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, I'm not feeling sad anymore.
1:14:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm not feeling angry anymore.
1:14:32
SPEAKER_01: So it was really hard for me to deal with all these different emotions because I wasn't having the same emotions that I did in the beginning because so many other things had happened.
1:14:45
SPEAKER_01: So then I felt guilty.
1:14:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, should I go back?
1:14:49
SPEAKER_01: Should I be that way?
1:14:51
SPEAKER_01: Should I appear that way?
1:14:53
SPEAKER_01: And then eventually I was just like, you know what?
1:14:56
SPEAKER_01: It's it's too difficult for me to figure out how to grieve.
1:15:02
SPEAKER_01: So other people knew that I was grieving.
1:15:05
SPEAKER_01: So I, and that's just part of widow your way.
1:15:10
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone even shows or expresses their emotions the same way.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_01: And not everyone is an outward pourer of emotions.
1:15:19
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone is going to lose it in front of total strangers.
1:15:25
SPEAKER_01: Like for me, I like to grieve in private with close family and friends.
1:15:30
SPEAKER_01: So I'm not necessarily pouring my heart out or my eyes out in front of total strangers, I guess except for on my podcast.
1:15:41
SPEAKER_01: But um, I think that's makes it difficult for um widows as well.
1:15:47
SPEAKER_01: Like you're always worried about what someone else thinks.
1:15:51
SPEAKER_01: Did I love him enough?
1:15:52
SPEAKER_01: Are you crying enough?
1:15:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, but crying too much.
1:15:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not so much to make someone uncomfortable.
1:15:59
SPEAKER_01: Um, are you talking about your husband too much?
1:16:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay, but not so much that makes them uncomfortable.
1:16:05
SPEAKER_01: Um, it it's always gonna be a catch-22, you know, because every person that you talk to is gonna feel different about you and grief and being a widow.
1:16:20
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's got their own opinions, everyone's got their own perspectives.
1:16:24
SPEAKER_01: So it's kind of one of those things you're never gonna win for losing.
1:16:28
SPEAKER_01: So just widow your own damn way.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
1:16:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a nice, it's a much nicer version of what I would have said.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_02: Um much nicer, but still the same premise.
1:16:42
SPEAKER_02: Just like you can't just everyone says you can't live for every for someone else, but at the same time, you can't grieve for someone else either.
1:16:52
SPEAKER_02: You can't live your life to fit other people's narrative.
1:16:57
SPEAKER_02: You can't grieve, you can't go through your grief process to fit someone else's narrative.
1:17:02
SPEAKER_02: You're never gonna, you're never gonna grieve in a healthy way.
1:17:06
SPEAKER_02: Because when you're so focused on how how everyone else's perception is, I think that's when people fall into the deep depression and where your grief becomes detrimental.
1:17:19
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
1:17:20
SPEAKER_02: Because you're you're not allowed to grieve.
1:17:24
SPEAKER_02: You're not allowed to grieve your own path.
1:17:28
SPEAKER_02: You're grieving someone else's path, and it's not healthy for you.
1:17:32
SPEAKER_02: Um I'm not I'm the person that grieves, I don't grieve in front of anyone else.
1:17:38
SPEAKER_02: It's in my car, in my shower, with my cat, whatever, because I can't have other people looking for towards me to be their foundation, their anchor.
1:17:51
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, okay, I'll grieve in private because if they know I'm grieving, they can't come to me.
1:17:58
SPEAKER_02: And then they can't come to me.
1:17:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be worried about them.
1:18:00
SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, what are they doing?
1:18:01
SPEAKER_02: Are they grieving properly?
1:18:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but think about this.
1:18:06
SPEAKER_01: If they are not witnessing you grieve, then how do they know how to grieve?
1:18:13
SPEAKER_01: That's true, and that's it.
1:18:14
SPEAKER_01: That's that's another reason why we have to we have to share that, we have to express our emotions because we have people looking to us on how to they're looking at you on how you're processing grief.
1:18:34
SPEAKER_01: And the more you're open about it and the more you talk about it, you're gonna change someone else's perspective.
1:18:42
SPEAKER_01: Right, you know, and they're gonna be like, you know what?
1:18:45
SPEAKER_01: Look at her.
1:18:47
SPEAKER_01: What the hell?
1:18:48
SPEAKER_02: She is just I'm getting like 600 messages at once.
1:18:52
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea where they're coming from.
1:18:53
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, they're not like I have different messages going on.
1:18:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, yes, you're fine, but people can look at you and they can see how you're grieving and how you're processing it, and they can find strength in that too.
1:19:08
SPEAKER_01: So you may think people are finding strength in you because you're holding it in and you're appearing to be so strong, but sharing your feelings, there's strength in that too.
1:19:21
SPEAKER_01: And other people need to see how people process grief so they can become more comfortable with processing that grief too.
1:19:33
SPEAKER_01: So there's two different versions of strong.
1:19:35
SPEAKER_01: It's just which version of strong do you want to be?
1:19:38
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:19:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:19:43
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I really like what you said before about it not being about the who, you know, sometimes it's it's not the husband, you know, or the or the spouse.
1:19:59
SPEAKER_04: Sometimes it's it's just the loss, you know, and whatever and whatever that may be.
1:20:09
SPEAKER_04: And I think that more people should be allowed to grieve how how they want for what they want.
1:20:19
SPEAKER_04: And I think that that's really important.
1:20:21
SPEAKER_04: And I and I think that it's really important, and I really like that you said that because I think that sometimes people want to grieve their pet and and and they're diminished for it.
1:20:36
SPEAKER_04: I know when my cat passed a few years ago, I was a train wreck, and people are like, but it was it was a cat.
1:20:45
SPEAKER_04: Not to me, he wasn't.
1:20:46
SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know, but but not everybody gives you that that grace to say this is a furry little living being that I took care of for 17 years that slept next to me, you know, and other people are like that was Kat.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_04: And you're like, okay, so I learned that I can't talk to you about this, thank you.
1:21:11
SPEAKER_04: That's what I got from the conversation.
1:21:14
SPEAKER_01: So that goes back to what I said earlier.
1:21:17
SPEAKER_01: The only people that are saying there's no right or wrong way to grieve are the people who have experienced it.
1:21:24
SPEAKER_01: So the only people who are going to be empathetic to the loss of your cat are people who else have lost a pet or someone who has had a loss due to death.
1:21:40
SPEAKER_01: So anyone, for me, anyone who has experienced a loss in death, regardless if you lost a cat or not, they should have they should be able to have enough empathy to pull from an experience themselves to share with you in your loss.
1:22:06
SPEAKER_01: And I and you know, I I don't want to say people aren't empathetic, but you know, just for making comments like that, people don't understand how diminishing that is.
1:22:18
SPEAKER_01: So then all of a sudden, now you don't feel like you can share that, and you don't feel like you can openly grieve the loss of your cat.
1:22:27
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:22:28
SPEAKER_01: And that's that's not fair.
1:22:29
SPEAKER_04: Right, because I think it it doesn't matter what the the loss is.
1:22:34
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it it could be, you know, a cat, it could be a mouse, it it whatever, you know, it could just be anything.
1:22:43
SPEAKER_04: And I think that it's not that somebody is like, oh, well, that's a cat.
1:22:51
SPEAKER_04: The person who's grieving doesn't hear anything except that's not a big deal, and you're making it a big deal, and it's not and and it's not that serious.
1:23:05
SPEAKER_04: But but if it wasn't that serious, like we wouldn't be upset, right?
1:23:10
SPEAKER_04: Because to us it is serious, to us it is a big deal, no matter what the object is or the person or the you know, whatever it is, you know, to us, if it's affecting us, it's a big deal.
1:23:24
SPEAKER_04: And then when you take the time to share with someone and they're not reciprocal, even if they don't understand, but for them to downplay your feelings, it it's hurtful.
1:23:37
SPEAKER_04: And and it it doesn't mean that they're trying to be hurtful, maybe they just don't understand, but but then that's how it feels to the person who's grieving.
1:23:47
SPEAKER_04: It's like, wow, I'm hurting already, and you just hurt me more.
1:23:54
SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah, you know, like so then, and then you I feel like sometimes you get into that position where you're like, am I overreacting?
1:24:03
SPEAKER_04: You're second guessing yourself, or you feel like, well, now I know I can't trust this person, I can't confide in this person.
1:24:14
SPEAKER_04: And and it's like both both options suck, you know.
1:24:19
SPEAKER_04: So I think we we as a as a society just have to be more gentle around certain topics, and and and sometimes it's like it's okay to say, I'm so sorry that I don't know how to support you, but I'm here for you.
1:24:37
SPEAKER_04: Um, I don't, you know, I'm I'm not sure what you're going through, but I'll but I'll sit next to you.
1:24:44
SPEAKER_04: You know, I'll I'll be here when you need me, or you know, just I don't know, like because I've I've gotten those kinds of things too, and and not for like my cat, but you know, um where people have said to me, like, I don't I don't know what that feels like, but I'm here for whatever you need.
1:25:04
SPEAKER_01: And to me that that feels so much better because I love it when someone admits that they don't know how to help you or support you, but still letting you know that they're there.
1:25:17
SPEAKER_04: Right, right.
1:25:18
SPEAKER_04: Because to me, that feels like okay, you're in it, you're in it, you don't know what to do, and that's okay.
1:25:24
SPEAKER_04: I don't know what to do.
1:25:26
SPEAKER_02: None of us know what to do.
1:25:28
SPEAKER_02: We could figure, we could stumble our way together.
1:25:30
SPEAKER_02: It's that sense of sometimes you want to be alone, but you don't want to feel lonely.
1:25:37
SPEAKER_02: And it's okay to be alone, but you know you have your people that that's there with you emotionally, remotely, whatever, it makes it that much easier.
1:25:48
SPEAKER_02: Not better, but it makes it that much easier.
1:25:51
SPEAKER_01: Because even the griever doesn't all doesn't know what they need.
1:25:55
SPEAKER_01: Like people are constantly asking you, what do you need?
1:25:58
SPEAKER_01: If I knew what I needed, oh my god, you would be the first person I would tell.
1:26:04
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:26:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, so even as hard as it is as difficult as it is for people trying to support a widow or someone who is grieving, we don't know what we need either.
1:26:21
SPEAKER_01: So it's just kind of one of those things, like you were saying, just be there, you know, just showing support and just being present is sometimes just more meaningful than even trying to say anything.
1:26:39
SPEAKER_01: Because it doesn't, you know, finding the words to say to someone who's lost something is is already difficult enough, right?
1:26:47
SPEAKER_01: Um it's like one of those things that um I know this is totally off topic, and I don't think anyone that I work with is gonna listen to this.
1:26:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, but maybe.
1:26:59
SPEAKER_01: But so I head up these meetings every two weeks where we do like a team meeting, I do this whole agenda and I lead the meeting.
1:27:09
SPEAKER_01: And I always like to try to find something positive to say.
1:27:14
SPEAKER_01: And do you know trying to find something positive to say is very difficult because in even something positive is going to offend someone?
1:27:28
SPEAKER_01: Like they're gonna take it the wrong way.
1:27:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're like, Well, what is she trying to say?
1:27:33
SPEAKER_04: Right.
1:27:33
SPEAKER_04: I you know, or it's the opposite, like, oh, so then you're telling me that like my eye makeup is on point today.
1:27:39
SPEAKER_04: So then what, the other days it's ugly?
1:27:41
SPEAKER_04: Like it's right, yeah.
1:27:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's the same thing with grief.
1:27:46
SPEAKER_01: People say something, and you may think, oh my gosh, I come up with the best response to Rebecca for her grieving her husband, and I feel very comfortable.
1:27:59
SPEAKER_01: They probably even Googled what to say, right?
1:28:03
SPEAKER_01: And I always tell people, Google it.
1:28:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna tell you this on podcast, Google it.
1:28:08
SPEAKER_01: It's it's all over Google.
1:28:10
SPEAKER_01: So they may even Googled it or asked Chat GPT, what do I need to say?
1:28:15
SPEAKER_01: And something sounds so perfect.
1:28:20
SPEAKER_01: And then you say it and you're so proud of yourself.
1:28:23
SPEAKER_01: And like, I am being supported.
1:28:26
SPEAKER_01: And then you say the words, and then the person on the other end is like, I can't believe they fucking said that to me.
1:28:34
SPEAKER_01: I can't believe they told me that they're so sorry for my loss.
1:28:37
SPEAKER_01: I can't believe they told me that they're gonna be there for me.
1:28:40
SPEAKER_01: Like it's so you know, when someone is in the midst of grief, we're not thinking either.
1:28:50
SPEAKER_01: So it's just you're you're you're not gonna win for losing.
1:28:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you're never gonna be able to say the right thing.
1:28:58
SPEAKER_01: Um and everyone is going to perceive it differently because every individual is different, their life experiences are different, their their perspectives on grief and loss and all the things are different.
1:29:17
SPEAKER_01: We are all unique in our own way, and it's hard, it's very, very hard.
1:29:26
SPEAKER_01: But the only thing, the only advice, I don't give out advice.
1:29:30
unknown: Yeah.
1:29:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, not for widows in grief and loss.
1:29:36
SPEAKER_01: I I will give my unsolicited advice and opinions to um my close friends.
1:29:42
SPEAKER_01: But the only advice that I ever give for grieving or widows is to just communicate, just say what you feel, and it doesn't even matter how you say it.
1:29:54
SPEAKER_01: You can say it angrily, you can say it sad, you can say it calm, you can say what whatever.
1:30:02
SPEAKER_01: But if you don't speak up and you don't start a conversation, then no one is ever gonna understand.
1:30:12
SPEAKER_01: And that's that's the biggest thing, just to talk about it.
1:30:15
SPEAKER_01: Like us, like we're having this conversation about grief, and we're not even talking about my dead husband.
1:30:24
SPEAKER_01: Right?
1:30:25
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, you know, and and a lot of people ask about that on the podcast.
1:30:30
SPEAKER_01: They're like, Well, you're not really talking about your husband.
1:30:33
SPEAKER_01: Or um, I've even had people send me a message and they're like, you know, you don't share any pictures of your husband.
1:30:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why?
1:30:40
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you want to see a picture of him?
1:30:42
SPEAKER_01: Here's a picture of him.
1:30:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he was a very handsome man, but you know what?
1:30:46
SPEAKER_01: This podcast isn't about him.
1:30:50
SPEAKER_01: This podcast is about me, it's about widows, it's about our journey, it's about what we're going through.
1:30:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's not about him.
1:31:01
SPEAKER_01: Or the podcast would have been named about him.
1:31:06
SPEAKER_02: It would be a totally different name.
1:31:08
SPEAKER_01: It would be a it would be a totally different podcast.
1:31:12
SPEAKER_01: And um, and that is one of the difficult things that starting this podcast, I thought, who's gonna listen to this?
1:31:26
SPEAKER_01: Like my perspective is not like anyone else's.
1:31:31
SPEAKER_01: And I was in the beginning, I was so worried about offending people.
1:31:36
SPEAKER_01: I was so worried about offending um other widows, other people who are grieving, because I don't have the same outlook on grief and loss as a lot of other people do.
1:31:50
SPEAKER_01: Um I'm not someone that thinks that the loss of my husband is the most devastating loss in the world.
1:31:57
SPEAKER_01: And even in my life, my husband's loss is not the most devastating.
1:32:04
SPEAKER_01: My brother's loss is actually the hardest loss that I've ever dealt with.
1:32:10
SPEAKER_01: And I have the hardest time dealing with.
1:32:13
SPEAKER_01: Like, so I just look at things differently, and I was really worried how people were gonna take my opinions.
1:32:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm very happy to know that there are um, you know, quite a few people out there that see things in my perspective or at least appreciate the honesty, right?
1:32:37
SPEAKER_01: Because I think there's a lot of things that people are saying um privately about grief and being a widow that they don't feel comfortable that they can say out loud.
1:32:50
SPEAKER_01: And if I can say them out loud on a podcast for everyone else to hear, then maybe they'll be brave enough to speak up on their own behalf.
1:33:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what?
1:33:01
SPEAKER_01: This is how I feel.
1:33:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, my marriage really wasn't that great, and I'm not really grieving my husband, and that's okay too, because there's people out there like that.
1:33:13
SPEAKER_01: There's a there's so many widows out there that um now I'm not saying people, you know, glad there someone has died, right?
1:33:22
SPEAKER_01: But that the marriage is over, you know, and they now have you know an opportunity at a new life, but they can't express that for the fear of how it's gonna look to other people.
1:33:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, I knew you didn't love him.
1:33:40
SPEAKER_01: Like maybe he wasn't the greatest person, you know, and no one else knows that, you know.
1:33:46
SPEAKER_01: There's there's a lot of different types of marriages, and there's a lot of widows experiencing different types of grief that they don't feel that they can share with the world because they don't want to be judged.
1:34:01
SPEAKER_01: So they have to pretend to be, you know, this sad lonely widow, um, crying all the time until the one-year mark, the magic, this magic one year mark comes, and then they're like counting down.
1:34:15
SPEAKER_01: They're like, Yes, I can finally be myself, you know.
1:34:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah.
1:34:23
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
1:34:24
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I really appreciate your perspective.
1:34:28
SPEAKER_04: I really appreciate you talking to us and and just sharing, you know, a little bit of your journey and how you know you came to to come to podcasting and you know, and how your podcast came to be.
1:34:43
SPEAKER_04: And I think it's important.
1:34:44
SPEAKER_04: I think I think that you have a good message, and I think that it it will definitely help people who need it, you know, give them the the validation and the permission.
1:34:59
SPEAKER_04: But um is there anything else like in your future besides podcasting or anything like on the horizon for you?
1:35:12
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I am actually in the process of writing a book.
1:35:16
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's so cool.
1:35:18
SPEAKER_01: Yep, I am in the process of writing a book, so um, it should be out by the end of 2024.
1:35:28
SPEAKER_02: Very exciting.
1:35:31
SPEAKER_02: Um save up my pennies and hope it comes out of the ebook because that's all right.
1:35:40
SPEAKER_02: I don't have time to read anymore, but I have time to listen in my car.
1:35:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I wonder, should I do my own audiobook?
1:35:47
SPEAKER_01: I guess I probably should, shouldn't I?
1:35:50
SPEAKER_01: You have a great voice.
1:35:51
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, I love what's the author's voice.
1:35:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:35:55
SPEAKER_01: So the the title of the book will be the same as the podcast, Love Is Not Dead, just my husband.
1:36:00
SPEAKER_01: So um, but yeah, so there will be a book out this year.
1:36:03
SPEAKER_01: So I'm excited about that.
1:36:06
SPEAKER_01: Probably share.
1:36:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, you'll probably will you want to read the book?
1:36:10
SPEAKER_01: Because I'll probably share some things in the the book that hasn't been on the podcast.
1:36:16
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
1:36:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
1:36:18
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:36:18
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
1:36:20
SPEAKER_02: The details that everyone seems to want.
1:36:22
SPEAKER_02: The details that people want to let's just get down and dig.
1:36:26
SPEAKER_04: I like details.
1:36:27
SPEAKER_02: Details are good.
1:36:28
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes, but you know, I get where you're coming from.
1:36:31
SPEAKER_02: The sometimes the details aren't necessary.
1:36:35
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, details are good at the same time.
1:36:38
SPEAKER_02: You're like, you know, on a side note, here are the details.
1:36:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:36:42
SPEAKER_04: It's like when you have an ice cream Sunday.
1:36:44
SPEAKER_04: I mean, the chocolate syrup and the sprinkles are not necessary to enjoy the ice cream, but well, damn, they make it better.
1:36:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:36:52
SPEAKER_01: Some someone told me that I needed to do like a um, like after I do an episode, that I need to like open things up, like do a live and or do some kind of meetup for people to ask follow-up questions.
1:37:08
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
1:37:10
SPEAKER_01: I even have friends that listen.
1:37:11
SPEAKER_01: I have this one friend, she lives um, she lives in Texas.
1:37:15
SPEAKER_01: She'll listen to the podcast and she'll and she's known me for years, and she'll send me a message and she goes, I just listened to this episode.
1:37:22
SPEAKER_01: And I did not know that was happening.
1:37:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, You didn't know that was happening?
1:37:27
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, No.
1:37:28
SPEAKER_01: And then she'll listen to another episode and she say, Hey, you know this person you were talking about on this podcast?
1:37:35
SPEAKER_01: Who is that person and what happened to that person?
1:37:38
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know who that person is.
1:37:41
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, No, I don't.
1:37:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:37:44
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I apparently I need to do better with details.
1:37:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying.
1:37:50
SPEAKER_04: Details are tricky though, because there's times I know for us where we will too much detail reference a certain person or event, but without trying to put the person on blast.
1:38:06
SPEAKER_04: It's like, how do you, you know, like if you know you know, but if you don't know, you don't want to out somebody for something.
1:38:14
SPEAKER_04: So it's like, okay, well, how do we get around it?
1:38:17
SPEAKER_04: Because we can't give details, but then yeah, same kind of thing.
1:38:19
SPEAKER_02: Like somebody kind of want to give you enough that you can still follow it.
1:38:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:38:25
SPEAKER_04: And then I'll get a text from somebody like, was that?
1:38:27
SPEAKER_04: And I'll be like, Yes, it was.
1:38:28
SPEAKER_04: Like, oh, okay.
1:38:31
SPEAKER_01: So I did, I did that recently, and um, so everybody was like, Are you gonna do a Valentine's Day episode?
1:38:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Oh gosh, I don't even feel like doing a Valentine's Day episode.
1:38:42
SPEAKER_01: So I did a Valentine's Day episode, I did a part one and part two.
1:38:45
SPEAKER_01: I talked about two relationships that I had been in since my husband had died.
1:38:52
SPEAKER_01: Everyone who knows me knows exactly who both of these people are.
1:38:57
SPEAKER_01: So, of course, I do the first episode, and it's about a particular person, and everybody was like sending me messages, and they're like, Oh, we loved him so much.
1:39:10
SPEAKER_01: And how is he?
1:39:12
SPEAKER_01: Are you do you even still talk to him?
1:39:14
SPEAKER_01: Like what, you know, and and I'm you know, answer all the questions.
1:39:18
SPEAKER_01: And then I did the second episode, and um people know exactly who that episode is about, and the funny thing is, I know he listens to the podcast.
1:39:34
SPEAKER_04: Oh, but you know, from what I heard, it sounds like he's gonna deserve to hear it.
1:39:39
SPEAKER_01: Uh well, and you know, and here's the thing I I take full responsibility of for my own actions, right?
1:39:52
SPEAKER_01: And and y'all know that is so difficult to do, to look at yourself, right?
1:39:59
SPEAKER_01: And figure out, okay, yes, this person is doing these things, right?
1:40:05
SPEAKER_01: But why are you allowing him?
1:40:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's so easy to blame someone else for how miserable you feel.
1:40:17
SPEAKER_01: But when you have to turn around and look at yourself and figure out why you're allowing this, so yeah, so he does listen to the podcast.
1:40:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know what episode that he is currently on, and obviously he's not at that episode yet because you haven't gotten any messages yet.
1:40:40
SPEAKER_01: No, if he heard it, because he even asked me one time, he's like, because we were seeing each other when I had started the podcast, and he's like, Oh, are you gonna do an episode about me?
1:40:53
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Do you?
1:40:55
SPEAKER_01: I said, I don't think you want an episode.
1:40:57
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Why wouldn't I want an episode?
1:41:00
SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, Really?
1:41:05
SPEAKER_01: I don't, I don't think that episode would be about what you would want it to be about.
1:41:12
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Would you say something bad about me?
1:41:15
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I don't know.
1:41:22
SPEAKER_01: So it's yeah, it's funny.
1:41:24
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, he hasn't heard it yet, but when he does, do you want to do you want to do another meeting?
1:41:32
SPEAKER_01: And uh I'll and I'll let you know how the conversation went.
1:41:35
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
1:41:36
SPEAKER_04: I don't think I mean, I don't think you said anything like you didn't shit all over him.
1:41:42
SPEAKER_04: You you talked about what happened, you acknowledged your feelings and how you were culpable, you know, but also how he was culpable and and and like the reasons that it didn't work.
1:42:02
SPEAKER_04: So I don't I mean, if if I was the guy, I'd be like, oh damn, well, that doesn't make me sound great, but it but it doesn't make me sound terrible, and or maybe maybe I never knew she felt like that.
1:42:17
SPEAKER_01: So now I'm really oh he knew I felt like that.
1:42:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so then yeah, that's maybe not maybe to that extent, but yeah.
1:42:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, I I'm gonna need an update.
1:42:32
SPEAKER_04: This is the reunion show, yeah.
1:42:35
SPEAKER_01: It can be the reunion, yeah.
1:42:36
SPEAKER_01: Trust me, I am waiting for that text message.
1:42:39
SPEAKER_01: And the funny thing is, I I have had communication with him, like still occasionally.
1:42:45
SPEAKER_01: I know it's horrible.
1:42:47
SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't accept a text message, but um, yeah, he hasn't listened to the episode yet.
1:42:55
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I can't wait for the reunion.
1:42:57
SPEAKER_04: So you gotta listen to it.
1:42:58
SPEAKER_02: And at that point, I don't care if I'm at work, if I'm driving, with like, okay, we're recording, I'm ready.
1:43:05
SPEAKER_04: Like, yeah, we we we can record, we can chat, but please let us know when you know.
1:43:13
SPEAKER_00: We can record it.
1:43:14
SPEAKER_02: She's like, Oh, I want to record it.
1:43:16
SPEAKER_04: I'm in.
1:43:17
SPEAKER_04: I'm in, send me up, I'm in.
1:43:18
SPEAKER_02: I'm there.
1:43:19
SPEAKER_04: 11 a.m.
1:43:20
SPEAKER_02: We got it.
1:43:21
SPEAKER_02: What 5 a.m.?
1:43:22
SPEAKER_02: Fine, whatever.
1:43:24
SPEAKER_02: Middle of the day at work, fine.
1:43:26
SPEAKER_02: I uh yes, I'm good, I'm there.
1:43:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we'll we'll get it in there.
1:43:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's always fun.
1:43:34
SPEAKER_04: I mean, so far we haven't had anyone come back to us and be like, you were you you were talking about me, so that hasn't happened to us yet.
1:43:43
SPEAKER_02: Because it's I mean we had to talk about well to be fair, those conversations we have as bonuses, and you have to have a subscription for those.
1:43:54
SPEAKER_02: So I think I think that's what's keeping us from people being like, we gotta talk about behind the paywall.
1:44:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so yeah.
1:44:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I should do that.
1:44:05
SPEAKER_01: I should do a subscription with little bonus behind the scenes episodes, yeah, with the dates.
1:44:13
SPEAKER_01: That's what my favorite tarot card reader does on YouTube.
1:44:18
SPEAKER_01: Like she gives a reading and then she goes, and if you want the extended version, yeah, you're gonna have to pay$7.77.
1:44:27
SPEAKER_01: I pay$7.77.
1:44:30
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I want the extended version, right?
1:44:33
SPEAKER_04: Like we so we're on BuzzSprout and Buzzsprout allows us to set up subscription.
1:44:39
SPEAKER_04: Um so I know like there's ways to do it just via Apple, Patreon, you know, other stuff.
1:44:46
SPEAKER_04: So we have a Patreon, but we also were like, let's just give the Buzzsprout a try.
1:44:52
SPEAKER_04: And you can you can set it, I think, to whatever you want, but the lowest is like three bucks.
1:44:57
SPEAKER_04: So we're just like, all right, like let's let's be realistic.
1:45:00
SPEAKER_04: Three bucks.
1:45:01
SPEAKER_04: And so we finally got like a little traction, and we're like, oh, oh, look, that's so cool.
1:45:06
SPEAKER_04: Like, thank you.
1:45:08
SPEAKER_04: So somebody likes us enough, right?
1:45:10
SPEAKER_02: So now I'm like, okay, we have to make those subscription ones a little bit juicier now.
1:45:14
SPEAKER_02: We gotta make it worth those three dollars.
1:45:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh that's a that's a really good idea.
1:45:20
SPEAKER_01: Now, now I can, but then how much do I really wanna give?
1:45:28
SPEAKER_04: Well, then that's the whole thing.
1:45:30
SPEAKER_04: I mean, yeah, how much are you comfortable with like I mean even though it's behind the paywall, but like assume that it will get back to that person.
1:45:43
SPEAKER_01: So how much is for the price is right.
1:45:46
SPEAKER_04: Well, I don't care.
1:45:47
SPEAKER_01: Who knows what's going on?
1:45:49
SPEAKER_04: Well, then there you go.
1:45:51
SPEAKER_02: I like the way you think.
1:45:53
SPEAKER_01: So if anyone who is listening to this episode on Sassin Sips and you would like to know the name of that person in that podcast episode that I talk about, you buy me five coffees.
1:46:07
SPEAKER_01: You go to buy me a coffee, you buy me five coffees, and I will give you his first name.
1:46:13
SPEAKER_04: I love it.
1:46:14
SPEAKER_02: Wait, wait, hold up.
1:46:16
SPEAKER_02: Where's my phone?
1:46:16
SPEAKER_02: Where's my credit card?
1:46:19
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you want to know who we're talking about with the 2 a.m.
1:46:23
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you want to know who we're talking about with the girlfriend?
1:46:25
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
1:46:26
SPEAKER_04: How many coffees cost?
1:46:28
SPEAKER_01: Five coffees, and I will give you, you know what?
1:46:31
SPEAKER_01: For every coffee, I'll give you a letter.
1:46:34
SPEAKER_03: I love it.
1:46:36
SPEAKER_04: I love this.
1:46:39
SPEAKER_04: This is great.
1:46:41
SPEAKER_01: So for four coffees, you would get the whole first.
1:46:46
SPEAKER_04: It's a bargain.
1:46:47
SPEAKER_01: But I can't, I can't give the last name though.
1:46:50
SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no.
1:46:51
SPEAKER_02: That would just be just overstepping.
1:46:52
SPEAKER_04: People, people, yeah, people wouldn't know what to do with that.
1:46:55
SPEAKER_02: But then, but it's kind of funny because those who know you but don't know you be like, oh, so it was so and so.
1:47:04
SPEAKER_04: Well, I'll tell you for for the price of a cup of coffee, I'll tell you what letter his name starts with.
1:47:12
SPEAKER_01: I wonder how many coffees I'd get.
1:47:15
SPEAKER_04: I think it's worth a shot.
1:47:17
SPEAKER_04: I I mean, yeah, I I really like this whole scheme.
1:47:24
SPEAKER_04: I think we may have to steal and and I mean borrow.
1:47:27
SPEAKER_04: Take it.
1:47:28
SPEAKER_02: Piggyback off of it.
1:47:31
SPEAKER_02: Take it.
1:47:32
SPEAKER_02: I would I would go back to listen to what we've said.
1:47:34
SPEAKER_02: We've said so much shit.
1:47:41
SPEAKER_01: Let's think about some legalities.
1:47:43
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we need to take a few things out.
1:47:45
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:47:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if y'all know who Gordon Firemark is, but he's like the podcast attorney or whatever.
1:47:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I might have to be like, hey, so if people ask me, can I just give a first name and no last name?
1:47:56
SPEAKER_02: Because you know, there people are very peculiar about, you know, like saying people's names and I feel a lot of like, dude, like I feel that this happened.
1:48:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I this is my feelings towards this.
1:48:11
SPEAKER_02: It kind of covers that uh defamation.
1:48:16
SPEAKER_02: My opinion on this topic, my feelings on this.
1:48:21
SPEAKER_04: I didn't say it was a fact that so-and-so is a jackass.
1:48:25
SPEAKER_04: I said I feel like so-and-so is a jackass now.
1:48:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, Kathy Griffin used to always do allegedly.
1:48:33
SPEAKER_02: Allegedly.
1:48:34
SPEAKER_04: Allegedly.
1:48:36
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the I think the only times that we have said names is when it's in a positive light, but then when it's like like you know what this asshole did?
1:48:46
SPEAKER_04: It's like, oh, un unnamed said asshole with with unnamed said girlfriend or boyfriend or brother, or you know, it's like if you know us, you could do the math, but if you don't know us, you're like, what?
1:49:02
SPEAKER_02: It's enough just to enjoy the topic, but not enough where you can figure out who it is.
1:49:07
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right.
1:49:09
SPEAKER_02: We give them like nicknames, yeah.
1:49:12
SPEAKER_04: Well, we may have to consider this extortion scheme.
1:49:17
SPEAKER_04: I I really like this.
1:49:22
SPEAKER_01: So if your listeners start buying me coffee, I'm just like then you know what?
1:49:28
SPEAKER_04: That's even better because then we'll learn that it works.
1:49:32
unknown: Yes.
1:49:34
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
1:49:35
SPEAKER_02: Next time we talk to her, she's gonna be all caffeinated.
1:49:38
SPEAKER_04: Like, what do you want to know first?
1:49:45
SPEAKER_04: Like, we want to know the name.
1:49:51
SPEAKER_02: I want to send you Starbucks gift cards every month just so we can like we want the deets.
1:50:00
SPEAKER_02: You gotta get her caffeinated to get the deets.
1:50:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
1:50:03
SPEAKER_01: I feel like if I had enough time to share more, I probably would, but you know.
1:50:10
SPEAKER_02: Being a grown up sucks sometimes.
1:50:12
SPEAKER_01: It does.
1:50:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:50:14
SPEAKER_04: But we definitely want the update when the text comes through.
1:50:20
SPEAKER_04: When the part two guy comes comes through for you.
1:50:24
unknown: Yeah.
1:50:25
SPEAKER_01: Part one guy, he definitely doesn't listen to the podcast.
1:50:28
SPEAKER_04: That was nothing but but flattering, though.
1:50:31
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you see, I know he's so sweet.
1:50:33
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:50:35
SPEAKER_01: He's super sweet.
1:50:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's amazing.
1:50:39
SPEAKER_01: I wish him absolutely nothing but the best.
1:50:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, he deserves the best.
1:50:43
SPEAKER_04: So yeah.
1:50:44
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:50:45
SPEAKER_04: No, we need part two guy.
1:50:47
SPEAKER_04: We want part two guy.
1:50:51
SPEAKER_02: So it's kind of good that the part two guy listens to the podcast.
1:50:54
SPEAKER_02: Like actually kind of like sets it up for the yeah.
1:50:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:50:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't, I don't know how long I don't know where he's at, or I just know that he does listen to it.
1:51:04
SPEAKER_01: I remember I told him, I said, I hope you get everything that you ever want.
1:51:13
SPEAKER_01: And he said, Um, what was it?
1:51:16
SPEAKER_01: He said, I said, I hope you get everything that you want.
1:51:20
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Well, I really appreciate that.
1:51:25
SPEAKER_01: And you notice, I didn't say, I hope you get everything that you need, or I hope you get everything that you deserve.
1:51:34
SPEAKER_01: I hope you get everything that you want because what we want and what we need are two different things.
1:51:40
SPEAKER_01: Two different things.
1:51:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:51:42
SPEAKER_02: I like to say, I hope you get everything you deserve because I take it as you don't necessarily deserve good, you don't deserve bad.
1:51:49
SPEAKER_02: It depends what you deserve.
1:51:50
SPEAKER_02: It's whatever your karma decides for you, hope you get what you put out into the universe.
1:51:57
SPEAKER_02: Oh, thank you.
1:51:59
SPEAKER_01: But I still, but I, you know, I I do still do hope that people I do honestly feel like people deserve the best.
1:52:07
SPEAKER_01: And for the most part, and yeah.
1:52:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, overall, he's not a horrible guy.
1:52:13
SPEAKER_01: I think he's just a guy who doesn't know what he wants and he doesn't know how to communicate and he doesn't know how to express it, and he doesn't know how to make a decision.
1:52:22
SPEAKER_01: Like he doesn't know how to make up his mind.
1:52:24
SPEAKER_01: And um been there, done that myself.
1:52:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I still don't, you know, a hundred percent know exactly what I want, but I know what I deserve.
1:52:34
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
1:52:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:52:36
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, but we'll do a reunion.
1:52:41
SPEAKER_04: Definitely.
1:52:44
SPEAKER_04: Do you have um, does anyone else have any last you know, last things to say before we wrap up?
1:52:56
SPEAKER_02: This is when the Jeopardy music comes on.
1:52:58
SPEAKER_04: Um also when Lost comes back on air for the reboot or reunion or whatever it is, and Agnes and I are recording those episodes.
1:53:13
SPEAKER_04: Rebecca and Lisa will be recording.
1:53:16
SPEAKER_03: Oh no, yeah, no, no.
1:53:17
SPEAKER_04: Rebecca will be guest hosting with Agnes.
1:53:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:53:26
SPEAKER_01: I might have to go back and catch up on Lost.
1:53:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, well, you have time because apparently it's it's it's like not even a thing yet.
1:53:36
SPEAKER_02: You have plenty of time.
1:53:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, when it becomes a thing, you let me know.
1:53:39
SPEAKER_02: Watch like the next couple of days, we'll get like something and like the Google alerts, like lost.
1:53:44
SPEAKER_04: Well, there is a documentary coming out, so maybe maybe that's what you've been seeing because it's called like getting lost documentary.
1:53:53
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I didn't see I don't know what I saw.
1:53:56
SPEAKER_04: I know I said it to you.
1:53:57
SPEAKER_04: Maybe that's what it is.
1:53:58
SPEAKER_01: I I've been on YouTube just trying to figure it out.
1:54:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't I that's my best guess, but maybe I'm gonna go back and watch the last season, rewatch it.
1:54:11
SPEAKER_02: I know Lisa will have to give me a raise if she makes me do that again.
1:54:15
SPEAKER_04: I'll give you a raise.
1:54:18
SPEAKER_02: A 20% increase on zero.
1:54:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I can like a raise.
1:54:24
SPEAKER_01: You guys are getting paid.
1:54:32
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we we have been fortunate that we have listeners, period.
1:54:38
SPEAKER_04: We we have um someone who is on the buzz bro subscription, we have a Patreon supporter, so I mean it it nowhere near covers our hosting expenses, but I'm still very grateful for the this the support, you know.
1:54:56
SPEAKER_04: So, but yeah, no, Agnes, I'll give you I'll give you a 30% raise.
1:55:00
SPEAKER_04: It's fine.
1:55:01
SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're so good to me.
1:55:07
SPEAKER_02: It's the thoughts that counts.
1:55:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no problem.
1:55:13
SPEAKER_04: Oh man, this okay, thank you.
1:55:16
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for hanging out with us, thank you for sharing, and thank you for being willing to give us the uh update at a later date.
1:55:28
SPEAKER_01: So everyone's well thank you for having me.
1:55:31
SPEAKER_01: It's been a lot of fun.
1:55:32
SPEAKER_04: Yes, thank you.
1:55:34
SPEAKER_04: Um, we remind everyone to visit Sassinsips.com.
1:55:39
SPEAKER_04: Rebecca, please, please share um everywhere and anywhere where people can find you and link over to your stuff.
1:55:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, it is really simple.
1:55:50
SPEAKER_01: Love is not dead, just my husband.
1:55:52
SPEAKER_01: And that is where I'm at on Instagram and Facebook.
1:55:57
SPEAKER_04: And if you want, we can like if you send us um a promo, if you have a promo for your show, we can like throw it in if that's you know, if that's okay with you.
1:56:08
SPEAKER_04: It's up to you.
1:56:09
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not that fancy.
1:56:10
SPEAKER_04: Okay, that's fine.
1:56:12
SPEAKER_04: Some I mean, I know some people do, some people don't.
1:56:15
SPEAKER_04: So, you know, choice is yours.
1:56:17
SPEAKER_02: Do we have a promo?
1:56:18
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if we have a promo.
1:56:20
SPEAKER_04: You've recorded promos with me.
1:56:23
SPEAKER_04: She just says, say this.
1:56:24
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, okay.
1:56:27
SPEAKER_04: Girl.
1:56:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm just here for the ride.
1:56:30
SPEAKER_00: Now I need to figure out what a promo is.
1:56:32
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's it's so actually the way you kind of start your episodes where you're like, um, and forgive me for butchering, but I know it's something to the effect of like, do you want like, hi, this is Rebecca?
1:56:47
SPEAKER_04: Do you want to survive?
1:56:50
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:56:52
SPEAKER_04: That's such a cool opening because I think that it's it it nails what you're trying to do.
1:56:57
SPEAKER_02: That's your elevator pitch, and it's actually amazing.
1:56:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:57:00
SPEAKER_04: And so then I think like if you just expand on it a little more, like, hey, in the episodes, we're gonna talk about, you know, XYZ and 30 seconds, you know, of of that little clip.
1:57:13
SPEAKER_04: And I think you have a promo.
1:57:16
SPEAKER_04: I think you're you're good to go.
1:57:18
SPEAKER_01: I mean, not that I'm an expert, but man, you guys are giving me all kinds of ideas that I want to do that will not implement.
1:57:30
SPEAKER_02: She sounds just like me.
1:57:32
SPEAKER_02: We could do all this stuff that would that would not do.
1:57:35
SPEAKER_04: Um but it's catchy, it's catchy, it's a good hook.
1:57:40
SPEAKER_04: So that's why I think it will be a good part of a promo.
1:57:44
SPEAKER_04: So if you ever decide to, you know.
1:57:49
SPEAKER_04: Um okay, let me let me put my game face back on.
1:57:55
SPEAKER_04: Um we remind everyone as always, please drink responsibly.
1:58:01
SPEAKER_04: Don't drink and dry.
1:58:05
SPEAKER_04: She's gone.
1:58:08
SPEAKER_02: There's the moment you say I gotta put my game face on.
1:58:13
SPEAKER_04: Well, there went the game face.
1:58:16
SPEAKER_04: I can't because she can't.
1:58:18
SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry.
1:58:21
SPEAKER_04: Oh it's okay.
1:58:23
SPEAKER_04: It's okay.
1:58:26
SPEAKER_04: I'm Lisa.
1:58:28
SPEAKER_04: And I'm Magnus, and I'm Rebecca, and we are out of here.
1:58:35
SPEAKER_00: Till next time.
1:58:37
SPEAKER_04: Bye, everyone.