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Donald Drumpf Theatre 313: Losing the Mid-Terms · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Previously on the Donald Trump Theater Radio Show.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I looked at his ass and I've never done that with a man before.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: A man's ass, his ass, the ass, his ass was like a big piece of muscle.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, I looked at one hell of a beautiful ass before, Nicki Minaj.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's hard to miss.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's stand up.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's hard to miss.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: How the is this real?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Stand up, Nicki, twirl around.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Give us a look at that.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about inflation.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: My God.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Aye.
• 0:38
  Oh.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Get up here. Let me toss that salad.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 0:45
  [music]
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you go?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: You better, are there's good news trade.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: It is time again for the all -new government approve Donald
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Trump's theater.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: No one knows what is up or down track or why legal
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: or impeachable everything is make believe in Donald Trump' theater.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: So let's pull the curtain back.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: We are controlling transmission if we wish to make it louder we will bring up
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: the button We can change
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: the focus to a soft blur.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: You've just crossed over into... Where am I to go now that I've
• 1:34
  [music]
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: For your consideration, a nation held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby president.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You were trapped with...
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: In the Twilight Zone.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's me, Donald Drumpf.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're one true god.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great ass on Hanks.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's something I've been doing lately, admiring men's asses.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that I might be gay.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: They're calling it gay dementia.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Dementia, short for dimension.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Show me their butts.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's actually pretty creative.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: The midterms are on Tuesday, and the polls say we're doing very badly.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, oh.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And they're saying Texas is turning purple, just like my hand.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: We can't let that happen, so you've got to vote for that awful Ken Paxton.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: God, what an ugly son of a bitch.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I hate that.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I hate Kid Paxton, but you gotta vote for him because we can't have this Talafrika,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: who is frankly much better looking and wow, what a dynamite ass on Talafrika.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a pillowcase full of cobras back there.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I remember to vote Republican because if these Democrats win and they get all
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: that power, they will Do nothing,
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: just like the last time hello can I speak to customer
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: service oh millennial bin salman how's it
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: going not great I would like
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: a refund no what a refund
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: I pledged you like 600 billion trillion dollars
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: and then like a trillion zillion more dollars uh -huh and as you know I purchased
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: a sizable steak in jared kushner
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: one of our top products
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: what's the problem
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: the problem Everything is going to shit because of your stupid war with Iran, which,
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: P.S., you never even asked me about.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sir, calm down, sir.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, can you give me an order number, please?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: I might see- An order number?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see, an order of bone sewers from 2018.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: I am getting pummeled by these houthi freaks.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone is canceling meetings on me.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: You want to speak to a supervisor?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: A supervisor?! !
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're the president of- Hello, this is John Barron, supervisor.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Are you just talking with a different voice?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Eh, it's worth a shot.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I am in trouble over here and I need you to protect us.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: You did not purchase the protection plan.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we usually bill it separately.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I could put it on the card you have on file.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Separately?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna take my business elsewhere.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, good luck getting Patriot missiles from Teemu. Please hold. Hello, Donald.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Bibi, our white glove exclusivist member.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I ordered a regime change in Iran months ago.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well... Yeah, well what? It's on back order. What?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Until after the midterms.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: But obviously, look, big story, midterms.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: But it's closing arguments time.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And today, the president took to the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: to make his final case to the voters.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I've kept every single promise I made except far more.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I've actually kept far more promises than I made.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is not possible.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Dimensionally.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: In this realm, now, dementia-ally,
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: yes, that may be possible, but not to mention it,
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: please don't say anything but you know what?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry. In the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial, with the echoes of Dr.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: King's I Have a Dream speech,
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: please lay out for the American people what you think is most important for them
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: to know. And if you could, include visual aids.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: That would be so appreciated.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Today, I'm thrilled to announce the official opening
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool that we're giving serious in the world.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost as tall as two Empire State Buildings later inside.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: We resurfaced the bottom in a beautiful dark blue, very dark blue.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: They call it American flag blue, but it's very dark.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: It was painted blue for purposes of it was all rusted.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we fixed the granite.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: We recalked it. All of this has been recalked.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Years here where you couldn't see any water.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: It was just algae.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it had a bad aroma, to put it mildly.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is a massive piece of pool.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just to be clear, I just want to be clear, that is not AI.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: That was not artificial intelligence or really, I think you would agree,
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: any kind of intelligence.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: The president of the United States, on the day before the midterms,
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: choosing to make a speech at the reflecting pool.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: To talk about the reflecting pool.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: No symbolism, no metaphors, just straight up pool maintenance.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: That was Donald Drumpf.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I had it cleaned if you will. All right.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I,
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have been to the reflecting floor.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: But with the president's priorities so badly misplaced, it is no wonder what the expectation is.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: An electoral bloodbath.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: There is the blue wave coming.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be a deluge.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: A blue tsunami.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Blue bomb cyclone.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because Latino voters, this is going to be a blue wave and a brown tsunami.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is she allowed to say that?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't a brown tsunami what ruined the reflecting pool?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it? No, no, no, wait.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Regardless.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: We are monitoring those who are monitoring the results of the election as they come in.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: A blue tsunami, despite the fact that no one knows tsunami has a T in it.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's right, after all the talk
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: about Nicki Minaj's ass,
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Jon Husted's ass,
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: the only ass on Drumpf.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: My tonight is the one that just got handed to him.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: The midstreams are over and there was a blue wave or a blue tsunami
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: or a blue monsoon or a blue sharknado.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever you want to call it, everyone agreed on what color it was.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Even Donald Drumpf, when it was all over, even he said, well, that blew Drumpf.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Spent the day at the White House watching coverage, watching Fox News,
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: trying to give himself an insurrection.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Word from inside the White House is he's already run out of dipping sauce containers
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: to throw at the television set.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: Trump himself has been very quiet so far tonight.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: He was going bananas and pajamas on Truth Social last night.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: All caps and cankeru posted this at one o'clock in the morning about the scenario
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: in Alaska where there are two candidates with the running for senator.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: He wrote fake Alaska candidate Daniel J. Sullivan Jr.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: is missing in action he totally disappeared nobody's been able
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: to find him maybe he's been kidnapped
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: by the corrupt Democrat lawyers they are scared stiff of being prosecuted
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: for election fraud this is so perfect because after all this screaming and suing
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: and threatening about how these names were presented
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: on the ballot this is how he spells daniel It's like someone might be
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: in denial himself, perhaps.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Drumpf was reportedly angry and cursing as the results came in.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: John Ossoff won the Senate race bigly in Georgia.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: We had a monster lead, they called out one very early.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: James Tallarico could become the first Democrat elected to Texas since 1988.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's all looking good for Democrats.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: Man, oh man, would I hate to be the DoorDash driver who delivers Drumpf his Papa John's tonight.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: I have to believe he saw some of this coming,
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: because this morning he was bragging about his approval rating in another country.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm the number one.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: I was so voted.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm at 99% approval rating in Israel.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Can you believe it?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, if people ever got tired of me in the US,
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'll vote to Israel and become prime minister.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: That might be the best idea he's ever had.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: I would gladly pay for an LL flight.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Make Israel great again.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: You could sell a whole new line of hats.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: Think about it. Drumpf.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: Approval rating here is terrible.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Just like every woman he's ever slept with, voters are unsatisfied with the job he is doing.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: If you really look at him, his priorities are insane.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: They have no relation to what Americans are worried about.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Americans are worried about corruption, inflation, climate change, war,
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: wealth disparity, healthcare, housing, measles, and democracy itself.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: Now let's take a look at the 10 subjects MAGA seems to be worried about.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Transgender, Testosterone, Black Helen of Troy,
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: Windmills, Ballrooms, Mexicans,
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Reflecting Pools, Racism Against Whites, Tylenol,
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Canada, and Canada, and Canada.
• 11:18
  Play Canada! Play Canada!
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Play Canada! For their beady little eyes and flapping heads on their eyes.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Play Canada!
• 11:25
  Play Canada!
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: We need to form a full assault!
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: We need to form a full assault!
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: My fellow Americans, tonight we await the results of the midterms,
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: but I already know we won because I treated these midterms
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: the same way I treated midterms in school. I cheated, right?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: I cheated.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the president, so the buck, or in my case, the meme coin stops here, it does.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: I told people to vote for me even though my name isn't on the ballot.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: So if we win tonight, it's because of me and only me, and if we lose, it's because of Canada.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: I warned Canada to stop interfering in our election.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: They are sharing intelligence, and I don't mean spy stuff.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean they're using common sense and big words.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: Mark Carney says there is no merit to my claims,
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: but I spoke to my friends Putin and Kim Jong-un, and they agree with me.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: Canada is the most dangerous place on Earth.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: We will not stand for foreign interference unless it's from China or Russia.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: We will not be intimidated by our neighbors.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: Intimidating our neighbors is our thing.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Don't interfere with my interference. You need me.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: If it wasn't for me and my tariffs interfering, Mark Carney would never be governor of Canada.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: American interference is the best thing to ever happen to you.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: But just because I do something doesn't make it okay for you to do it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: Ask yourself, would you want to be caught doing anything I'm doing?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: You should be ashamed of yourselves for doing what I do, Canada.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: So stay out of the election.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's the only way to mega make America go away.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need anything from Canada except the one thing I need the most,
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: someone to blame for losing.
• 13:16
  [music]
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats didn't just romp to victory in states they were expected to win,
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: they won in deep red states they haven't even sniffed for decades.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: We are now calling the Senate race in South Carolina, projecting that the Democrat,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: Annie Andrews, has beaten the Republican Senator Darlene Graham.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: Democrat Josh Turek will win the Senate seat in Iowa.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: Roy Cooper will win the U.S. Senate seat in North Carolina.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: In the battleground state of Georgia,
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: CNN projects that Democrat John Ossoff will win the Senate race.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Keisha Lance Bottoms will become the governor.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: The AP has now called
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: the Ohio Senate race Democrat Sherrod Brown ABC News now projecting
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: that Amy Acton will be the next governor of Ohio.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: In the state of Michigan, the Democrat Abdul Al-Sayed will win that race.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: Democrat James Calarico will win the U.S. Senate seat in the high stakes race in Texas.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: CBS News can project the Kansas Senate seat for Democrat Adam Hamilton.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats sweep the country, control Congress.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: A stunning shift, sending shockwaves.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: A once-in-a-generation realignment. Massive rout.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: This was a shellacking.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: Shellacking. Is it a spanking?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's called a country ass-whooping.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: A seismic political earthquake. A blue wave.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: Massive blue wave, a blue NAMI.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_03: That was a blue tsunami wrapped in a Cat 5 hurricane.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Trump won Kansas by, what, 16 points? Yeah.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: That was in 2024. Correct.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: And Kansas has not had a Democratic senator in...
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: It has not elected one since 1932.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: The last time Kansas sent a Democrat to the Senate was before they sent Dorothy to Oz.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: The last time Kansas elected a Democratic senator,
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: that senator was born in the year the light bulb was invented.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's how much of a tsunami this is. I mean, just look at Texas.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, Democrats won the marquee race there by double digits, which is insane in itself.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: But it's not just James Tallarico, Democrats crushed all over Texas.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: The Associated Press declares that Gina Hinojosa will be
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: the next Democratic governor of the state of Texas.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats got a sweep of the statewide races from Attorney General
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: to Ag Commissioner and Down the line.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Some of these sleeper races, like, say,
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: Texas Comptroller or Texas Railroad Commissioner,
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: races that aren't always top of mind or on the radar for voters,
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_03: was suddenly leading by Democrats for the first time in, I don't even know who,
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: like, how long.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats making significant gains in their efforts to take control of the Texas House.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Democrats are expected to control the Texas House moving forward.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: Behind me this morning, Senator, is the Texas State House.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: This entire state is blue.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_03: This is election night 2026.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm Dwight Richmond, filling in for Clifford Baines,
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: who's busy watching all the Cars movies back to back to back.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: New election results into ONN,
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: and we can project that Abdul Al-Sayed will become the next senator from Michigan,
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: a seemingly major milestone for the progressive movement,
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: but one that begs the question,
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: why hasn't he accomplished any of his campaign goals since winning 30 seconds ago?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_03: This is a disgrace.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: He's been in office for practically a minute, and what has he done?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you what, he hasn't passed a single piece of major legislation.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: He hasn't even put one forth since I began this sentence.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: This is just more proof that the progressives can't govern.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, most things are proof that progressives can't govern.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the next 10 seconds,
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: The Americans are going to be absolutely mission critical for al-Sayed.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: If he's not able to build a physical bridge in that time,
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: pull us out of all the wars that we're in,
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: I think we're looking at an all-time historic political.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: Just so typical from the swing of the party.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: Empty campaign promises.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: This is the big clear cut, unequivocal.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's repudiation Democrats have been desperately chasing for 10 years,
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: and it finally happened.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: People are furious at high prices, constant lying, broken promises,
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: the orgy of corruption and self-enrichment, the naked authoritarian power grabs,
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: the violence in our streets, the relentless indignities,
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: the constant rolling reckless show, and the nonstop obsession with home renovations.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean this.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: This was Drumpf's closing argument the day before the election.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thrilled to announce the official opening
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're giving serious thought to changing the name
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: to the Drumpf Reflecting Pool.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is, I don't say, you know, I don't like to consider it a defeat for me.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was on the ballot.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: If you're on the ballot, it's different than if you're not on the ballot.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm asking you.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: To pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on the ballot.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: This election, I'm asking you to pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Just pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because in a way I am on the ballot.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Just close your eyes and pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because in a way I am on the ballot.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot if you don't mind.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot, but I really am on the ballot.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Please pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, in the truest sense, I really am on the ballot.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot, please.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: I really want you to pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: So if you pretend that I'm on the ballot, and in a sense I am on the ballot,
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: please pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm asking you to pretend that I'm running.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot, got it?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, I'm on the ballot just because I am on the ballot, so I am really on the ballot.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: In a certain way, I am on the ballot.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend, if you will, I'm on the ballot.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, I am on the ballot.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Just pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I really am on the ballot.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot. And I am on the ballot.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: So we're on the ballot. I'm on the ballot.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: And in a certain way, I am on the ballot.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend that I'm on the ballot.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Please pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because in a way, I am on the ballot.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because essentially, I am on the ballot.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just say, Drumpf.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to think of me as on the ballot, right?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody promise.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because we really are on the ballot.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm asking you to pretend I'm on the ballot.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a point in time, Brett.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Just a point in time.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's the way it is.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: There was a mood in the air, I guess.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, if you look, I shouldn't feel guilty.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: I read at Fox that I'm not popular.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean...
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: The Fox polls are terrible.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: You ought to get yourself a good pollster because your pollster is the worst.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: But tonight, actually, the results are pretty close to what the Fox polls show.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know about that.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you nasty, radical socialists hate this man so much?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: Is it because he lies and cheats and steals?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: Is it because he calls some of you jihadists or terrorists or traitors or scum
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: or vermin or enemies of the people or thugs?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is it because he threatens to jail you or deport you or take your money or send you
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: to war or because when a person he doesn't like dies, he says stuff like,
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: Robert Mueller just died. Good.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad he's dead.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: Is that why you hate him? And, okay, you know what?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: Now that I'm hearing myself say that, I get why you hate him.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: So, DRUMPF.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: Fox spent a lot of time sniping,
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: which is why it's only natural that DRUMPF returned today to his safe space,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: the place he feels most at home, most comfortable, and that's with his family,
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: his loved ones.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: He gathered today for some much-needed private reflection with his wife and children
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: so they could reconnect and digest the results.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: And wait, sorry, I'm reading all this wrong.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: He was at his Ballroom.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be the most beautiful ballroom, I think, anywhere in the world.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: And they've been trying to get in for 150 years.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: The ceilings are over 50 feet high.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's like a five-story building.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think there's any ballroom.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: I doubt there's a ballroom in the country with a 50-foot ceiling.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be able to have dinners for as many people as you want.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, these beams are among the heaviest beams ever set.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And Bo is telling me, we're talking about it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: If you look at that roof, that roof could actually hold helicopters on it as big
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: as the yard, whereas normally, as you know, I say this for the media, a helicopter,
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: if it touched that roof, would come right through the ceiling.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_03: You could put a helicopter there,
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: and you could even drop a rope ladder so a president, even one that weighs, say,
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: 230, 239 pounds, give or take, could grab it and fly away.
• 21:35
  [music]
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for the songs for this week's episode from Golden Earring, Sir Mix A Lot,
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: South Park, and R.E.M.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: and thanks for the clips and excerpts from John Oliver, James Austin Johnson,
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: GZero Media, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Aaron Burnett, Mark Critchon,
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: This Hour Has 22 Minutes, David Muir, Jake Tapper, Rachel Maddow, John King,
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: Harry Enten, John Berman, The Onion News Network, Brett Baer, Michael Costa,
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: and others.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: Tune in next week for episode number 314 of the Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: if we're still allowed on the air.
• 22:17
  [music]
• 24:15
  Where am I to go now that I've gone?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: So you will come
• 24:20
  [music]
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: Husted.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody cares how you pronounce his name because that ass makes you forget how to speak.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, remember what Salt-N-Pepa said, she said, sounding like a, well,
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: you can't say the R word anymore, but When I saw that, you know, it's a tragedy.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's a damn tragedy because Sherrod Brown, he may have a name that sounds like,
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: like I looked at him, he said Sherrod Brown.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: He sounds like a black, so you'd expect him to have a big juicy booty.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: They call it a booty in the blacks for Trump. And he doesn't.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have much of a big booty at all.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: But John Hush said, you know, we're going to say goodbye to that beautiful piece of Ohio meat.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: And he's going to walk away.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's probably the only nice thing about this is I get one last beautiful look
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: at the Hoostead Booster, the big
• 27:14
  [music]
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: a stupid decision.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mind them getting rid of Altrecht Rumpelstiltskin, the governor,
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: because he's a brown skinny guy.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: There's no ass, there's no meat there. You know, he's Indian.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: He probably doesn't even eat meat.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: But this Hustad guy, Hustad, he's a...
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to one time just grab him.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want to grab him by the booty and say, thank you, John.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being a big booty, beautiful boy.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Bison of a man with hindquarters like Mr. Red.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: You're like secretary. And I want to ride it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: I want to ride it all night long.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: And now I can't.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: I can't because our country is stupid.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: We lost our mind and now we've lost the butt.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: First we lost the mind.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: We got very stupid.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's, listen to the blacks.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: It is hard to say goodbye to who stands at us.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it makes me almost go high-pitched. And I'll
• 28:24
  [music]
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: didn't know you're present.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I hit those high notes.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: I hit those high notes like you wouldn't believe.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Alexa, you shut the hell up. Stop it.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: You hear this song? Next, too close.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: This was the song I did.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Ivanka and I danced to this at her bat mitzvah when she converted.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: She was an adult, so it was a lot harder.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Bye, Houston.