Latest / Vox Novus with Victor Fuhrman / Dr. Friedemann Schaub – The Empowerment Solution

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Dr. Friedemann Schaub – The Empowerment Solution · Vox Novus with Victor Fuhrman

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Vox Novus, The New Voice, Vox Novus, the New Dimension, Vox
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Novus thought and movement leaders who will share from their experience and offer tools to
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help us navigate our rapidly changing world. My name is Victor Furman. Welcome
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to vox Novus, the New Voice. When you're struggling with anxiety, depression,
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and low self esteem, just keeping your emotions in check seems like a
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full time job. Yet what may hold you back in life even more are
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your survival patterns. Have you ever wondered why you make yourself invisible, procrastinate,
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or please others to get their approval. My guest this week on Vox
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Novus, Doctor Friedoman Schob explores how to break free from the sixth most common
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subconscious survival patterns and make authenticity and confidence your everyday way of being. Doctor
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Schab is a physician, researcher, personal development coach, and author of the
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award winning book The Fear and Anxiety Solution. He's the host of the Empowerment
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Solutions podcast. His website is doctorfreedoman dot com and he joins me this week
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to share his latest book, The Empowerment Solution. Six Keys to Unlocking your
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full potential with a subconscious mind. Please join me in welcoming to Vox Novis
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doctor Friedman shab Welcome, doctor Friedman. Well, thank you so much for
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having me. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your message,
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which I believe is very important for everyone listening and for our world as it
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is. So please share with us your early path and how it led to
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your calling as a physician and a healer. Well, my early path was
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basically fraud with anxiety. So that's why I am passionate about that subject and
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helping people to overcome anxiety. And the anxiety was like many children coming from
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different angles. One where my parents who were constantly fighting and also really anxiety
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ridden. They were both always projecting the worst into the future, and when
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you're a child, you just pick it up and you feel like, okay,
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they need to know. So of course we're going to have World War
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three coming up, or you know, somehow we're going to end up in
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destitute because we run out of money or whatever those things were. And the
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other reason for me to be anxious was that I have been given a job
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to be the peacemaker for my parents. And that job was given basically during
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conception, I guess because I was a second child and my parents had a
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pretty tumultuous marriage, and they thought, well, this second child, that's
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going to fix it. And so they gave me also the name Freedom and
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which means men of peace, which is, of course, you know,
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directly put into your crip. That's what you're here for. And since my
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parents didn't necessarily get the memo of getting along, I was, for at
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least eighteen nineteen years until I left home pretty much busy to try to mediate,
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try to make them understand each other prevent divorce from happening. So that
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was pretty stressful. And the third anxiety trigger was certainly this idea that I'm
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not unconditionally lovable, because as soon as I had not the greatest grades,
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I was, at the beginning of my scholastic time a little bit more happy,
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go lucky or just didn't care I got in trouble. I mean,
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a d was the end of the world. And so I realized then that
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Okay, you have to perform, you have to please, and you have
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to peace make and you have to watch out. And so anxiety was just
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a constant companion. Now your original career, you started out as a position
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and molecular biologist. How did that switch to helping people overcome anxiety and powerlessness?
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Well, it wasn't stages. Getting into medicine was pretty much a given.
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As a good boy of two doctors. There was no other possibility than
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you have to become a doctor too and go into those footsteps, even though
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actually I wanted to become an actor, so that that was not happening.
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But you know, being a doctor is a little acting too. I have
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to say this definitely not always you know that the truth that you tell your
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patients. Unfortunately, but I was over it. You know, after being
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in cardiology for six or seven years, I just felt like, you know
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what, this is not my thing. I need to take a break because
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we were going through tremendous abounds of patients, but there was no time to
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talk with them, to understand what's going on, to get a little bit
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deeper into their health issues, and so lo and behold. You know,
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they came back six months later, getting new prescriptions, getting new interventions.
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But I felt we were scratching the surface. So I didn't like that.
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I didn't like the machinery, and so I took two years off to go
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into research, which was required anyhow, So when I was in research,
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kind of my eyes opened up and I realized, Wow, this is actually
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what the body is all about. There's so much wisdom, there is so
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much potential. Why are we not using this potential? What's going on here?
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And so then I continued in research because I wanted to delving deeper and
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got a PhD in molecular biology because I really wanted to understand more that what
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is really you know, let's say, our true power to grow, adapt
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and heal. And that then made me go into that overriding idea of so
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if we have trillions of cells and all of them are kind of working together,
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and all of them know their place, and there's a lot that they
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do on an ongoing basis to keep us healthy, what is the consciousness that
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is actually governing this? And that's when I got interested in the subconscious mind,
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and the subconsciousness being a part of the mind that is for many kind
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of either something scary or something they ignore. But at the end it is
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really the seat of so much of our potential, including the source of anxiety,
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that when I'll delve into it, I could then finally close the cycle
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of anxiety. By understanding my own anxiety from the perspective of the subconscious,
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that made me then also really yeah excited. It's almost like I found my
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purpose, my passion. Now I know what I'm here to do. Yes,
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I did some detours and medicine and research, but what I really want
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to do is helping people to heal their anxiety at the root level without medication.
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And so that's why I hear fearing upon your heart was not in cardiology.
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Is that correct? No, it was not in cordeology. I mean,
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I think I'm not against western medicine. I love what I learned,
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and it was certainly so helpful for many. But again, the way right
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now alopasic medicine is going, it's just too a mechanical, utilitarian and too
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little power and responsibility is given to the pace. It's like we doctors were
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going to fix you and you pretty much can't really do anything about that.
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And that's I think a very sad state of affairs when it comes to healing.
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We'll be discussing your new book, The Empowerment Solution, but please share
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with our listeners about your best selling the last book, The Fear and Anxiety
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Solution. Well, there kind of I really shared the path that I took
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and then that I also took my clients on to overcome anxiety and fear.
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And what I describe in the Fear and Anxiety Solution is a step by step
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process to first get introduced to that subconscious that we all have to understand that
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anxiety and fear are not to be feared, but they are ultimately deep seated
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mechanisms, protective mechanisms of the subconscious to make sure that we stay alive and
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don't get harmed, and that those mechanisms are often based on early traumas and
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early programmings and beliefs. And what I describe in the book is how to
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heal the emotional baggage and how to overcome those inner fragmentations that come often from
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those early experiences, and then how to step into a new belief system,
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a new way of seeing the world. See, I saw myself is not
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good enough. I saw myself as someone who always had to prove himself that
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he is worthy, and so the bars got just pushed higher and higher.
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Was exhausting. And when I changed this belief system and really chose to believe
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that I am enough and that I can appreciate myself and that I can love
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myself. That pressure was off. That didn't stop me, but it wasn't
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coming from this I have to, but it came I want to do those
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things that it afterwards, it's a very different energy. It's a choice.
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Yes, yes, that's not a need, the choice absolutely. And your
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latest book is entitled The Empowerment Solution. Six Keys to Unlocking your full Potential
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with the subconscious Mind. What inspired that new book? Well, you know
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that, I guess it was really I mean multiple things, but mainly my
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clients. I mean I had been started working on this book fifteen years into
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my practice helping people to overcome their inner obstacles and working with a subconscious et
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cetera. And I learned so much from them by seeing how and we always
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think we are very individual, and we are, we are definitely unique,
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but we also repeat ourselves. We have these patterns that repeat themselves over and
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over again, and we are stumbling into these traps and over again. And
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I noticed that even when people overcome their anxiety and even when they are feeling
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yes, now I have a new belief system, a new identity. If
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they did, though, act in the same old ways, with the same
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patterns they had before. Lo and behold the anxiety could come back. So
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it dawned on me it's not just really what we think and feel, but
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it's really important how we show up and how we act that makes us ultimately.
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You know, the goal is to be this empowered leader of your life.
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And you cannot become an empowered leader of your life if you are still
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acting as if you are not good enough, or still acting as if you
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have to be scared, or any of those patterns that I described there.
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So looking at our behavior and learning how to change those behaviors and not just
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stopping them, but transforming them, that was the goal of this book.
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Now many of us have heard the term the subconscious mind. What is the
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subconscious mind? And your experience and definition and research and how does it affect
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what we do? Well? I think the subconscious mind is my best friend.
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I thought first it was my tormentor, but it turns out it's really
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just an enormous inner ally and resource to have. It's this deeper part of
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the mind that is underneath the conscious awareness. So how do we know we
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have a subconscious well? When you look at your thoughts, you know,
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the thoughts that are babbling up, the thoughts that you don't really want to
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have. Let's say, for example, you're on your second date, and
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all of a sudden, there's this little thought coming up, well, what
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if she's not laughing on you about your jokes as much? Or what if
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he's, you know, not really into you anymore. Whatever those thoughts are,
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these are not thoughts that you want to have because you want to feel
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confident and good about yourself. But they're still coming up. And that is
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from a deeper place, from a subconscious place. And the subconscious doesn't only
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annoy you with thoughts, of course, but it does a lot of things.
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It is the root of our emotions. It's the root of our physiological
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functions. You know, when you think about how complex it is to raise
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an arm, a simple raising an arm, there are so many muscles that
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contract it and extend it. We're not doing this consciously, just as much
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as we're not consciously breezing or letting our heartbeat. That's all subconsciously regulated.
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And then there's also these automatic patterns. You know, when you think about
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how amazing it is that you can eat with a fork and knife and watch
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TV at the same time and don't stab your eyes. That's pretty amazing.
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There is something watching out for you, just like driving with your car and
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thinking about work and not having an access and because you don't really pay attention
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consciously. So the conscious mind is all about logic and planning and practical and
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all those things that we are aware, and the subconscious is in the background
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taking care of the rest and taking care actually of seventy to eighty percent of
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our daily activities. Now, the problem with the subconscious is that it is
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early on program. So when you look at your as I said before,
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belief system in prints, the way you look at the world and the way
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you feel about yourself, all those things happen early in life. And it's
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the reason why because the subconscious is already pretty active and aware while the conscious
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mind is still in its infant shoes trying to get it together and develop itself.
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So the subconscious has to look out for us, and it just continues
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to believe it has to look out for us, especially when we were not
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really feeling that safe or secure, or it wasn't really you know, so
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orderly at home and was more chaotic. So this subconscious is ultimately like a
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supernanny, and when we become adults, that supernanny is still active in doing
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exactly the same thing. Watch out, this is dangerous. No, this
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is not okay. You can't do that, just as it did when we
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were little to keep us safe. So it needs a new owner's manual.
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The subconscious needs the conscious mind to update itself. And that is what most
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people don't understand, that their subconscious is not constantly evolving. It's kind of
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stuck and it needs us to help to get unstuck. In the Empowerment solution,
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you say that many live in survival mode. What does it mean to
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live in survival mode? Well, survival mode is exactly that stuck subconscious mindsetting
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that says it's more important to keep you safe and protect yourself than to thrive
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or go God forbid for something passionately or purposeful. Keep your head down and
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make sure you're not getting rejected, make sure that you're not getting criticized or
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abandoned, whatever those fears are. And the survival modes are the ones that
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describe. There are more, but the six very common ones you could categorize
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in avoidance mode and pleasing mode. And the avoidance mode is basically just avoiding
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to get somehow hurt. And so there is the avoidance mode of the victim
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who is recounting over and over again how bad everything has been and what traumas
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they went through. And victims are often just also looking for things to repeat
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themselves and expecting this to happen, so they're stuck in that mode. And
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then there is the invisibility mode, which is a mode of that person who
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doesn't want to really be seen or heard and be somehow potentially criticized, so
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they keep themselves very small and very protected, unnoticeable. And then there is
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the mode of the procrastination a procrastinator, you know, the one that basically
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wants to avoid failure and wants to avoid the risk of doing something that potentially
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will not work out or again gets only judged in the end. So there
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are these avoidance mode and that doesn't mean that your whole life is driven by
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these modes, but all of us have parts of these avoidance mode in our
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daily repertoire. We all do procrastinate, maybe because of different things. We
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all become invisible at different times. We all have this perpetrator of the past
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that we are still somehow using as a reference sheet. And so those avoidance
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mode and then there is a pleasing mode. I can talk about this too.
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Modes just keep us somewhat in a defense, in a self defense survival
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consciousness, and that is then going back into saying, well, I'm only
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safe if I avoid these people, or the other mode is the pleasing I'm
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only safe if I please these people and get their approval. And what happens
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is since we're focusing so much on the outside to feel safe, that we
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naturally become again anxious when we cannot control the outside, which we can't.
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The only thing we can control is ourselves. But so you're relying on getting
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positive feedback or relying on people not to judge you, but since you cannot
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really bank on it that it's never happening, there's anxiety and being on the
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watch for you know, something bad happening just resurfaces and it goes into this
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vicious cycle of powerlessness. And we're going to discuss some of the survival patterance
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in more depth. But why do you think that so many people end up
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living in survival mode? Well, I think it is a sign of the
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times too, because I do feel we are living in a time where our
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environment and you know, not only internet and social media, but also how
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just this pressure on performing and having to somehow measure up of expectations and our
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own expectations that have been also certainly been imprinted by the outside they become too
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much for us. I don't believe that we have really caught up with what
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we have been, you know, as a society, or with technology technology
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have been evolving into and so we are kind of operating with a mind and
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a whole system that feels constantly overwhelmed. If I ask my clients, can
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you just describe to me what word would best, you know, name your
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constant state of being, I would say seventy five to eighty percent say overwhelm.
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And when you're an overwhelm, you're not thinking about, Okay, how
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can I just you know, nourish myself and relax and learn and grow.
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All you think about is how can I make it through through this to do
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list, or through this really busy time, or through this challenge. And
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it never ends, it never ends, And so we are living in survival
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mode, and medically or physiologically, you would say, well, that's the
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reason why seventy percent of doctor visits are stress related. That's the number one
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disease and number one killer. And why do we have so much stress?
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Well because we are only thinking about not getting hurt or not you know,
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failing or not getting somehow behind, and we are not really asking ourselves what
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do I want? What's really important to me? Who am I in the
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first place? And given that all lives have an expiration date, how can
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I get the most out of it? Those questions we don't even have time
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to consider. And so that is I think where the subconscious especially says,
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oh my god, you know, this is like again a really difficult,
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challenging way to exist. So I have to make sure that this person is
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safe. And and that is, you know, where the subconscious doesn't look
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for a joy and purpose. Subconscious only looks for how to survive another day.
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Do you think that the explosion of social media over the last twenty five
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years or so has exacerbated this? I mean, I think in I don't
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know, twenty thirty years, people will say that social media is as bad
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as the mention of cigarettes, and maybe even worse. I mean, really,
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social media, as much as we think it does good things and connects
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us and blah blah blah, yes, but there is so much that it
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does to us. There is so much that people suffer from. Young people
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get depressed and anxious because they constantly compare themselves to those that they can never
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reach. Other people feel like they can, you know, only measure up
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by doing crazy challenges of I don't know, eating spoonfuls of cinnamon and stuff
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like that that you know, then often leads, unfortunately to getting hurt or
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killed. And then there is this never being in the present moment. You
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know, I had some nephews, a nephew and his girlfriend. Actually they
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came to a visit and they were sixteen. You know, it's nice a
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girl and a boy going to a visit. I'm here in southern France.
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You think they would go into the lavender fields and just smell whatever. But
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no, they have been sitting there on that canopy, on that couch for
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hours, opposite of each other, scrolling through their phones, not saying one
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single work. And I couldn't believe it. It's like, how is this
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a way to relate? And this is what so many people not only teenagers,
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so many people are doing. They're not looking into their external environment,
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into what's in front of them. They're only looking at this little device that
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somehow shows them some reality that is not even that great. But the distraction
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and that wanting to have this next hit of whatever it is dopamine or the
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gratification of finding something that makes you smile or interesting or feel something. That
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addiction is so strong that the direct environment, the life as it is now,
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becomes uninteresting. We don't find any interest in our three dimensional reality.
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We are pretty much lost. And I think that's where we have to look
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back and say, Okay, how can we stop this? Not only for
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us, but also for the next generations to come. My guest is doctor
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Friedoman job his new book, The Empowerment Solution, Six Keys to unlocking your
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full potential with the subconscious Mind. Please share with our listeners where they can
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get your books and find out more about you and this wonderful work that you
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do. Well. You can find my books anywhere Amazon and Barnes and Nobles
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and bookstores, but also you can go directly to my website doctor Friedman dot
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com. It's actually doctor d R. And then freed DeMann in a German
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way, So there is an E after the D two ends dot com and
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they're they're definitely the books listed and also other things that I have been doing
24:56
and offering. And you also have a program coming up. Yes, it's
25:02
from Anxiety to Empowerment program and it's basically a six session program, a video
25:10
program that allows you, from the comfort of your own home to go through
25:15
the steps that connect you to your subconscious to help you find why you have
25:21
been anxious, why you have been struggling with insecurity, and not only address
25:26
those root causes, but really get all the tools and all the processes to
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create this new owner's manualent and come out in a way that you really look
25:36
back at your anxiety, just like I did and say Wow, thank you,
25:41
anxiety, because you made me look at myself. Without you, I
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would have never gone into the journey to try to discover who I really am.
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That's the goal of this program, and that's what so far my clients
25:55
have been telling me. That's what happens when we really don't condemn or run
25:59
away from our anxiety, but when we use it as a catalyst for own
26:03
evolution, and we'll be back with more of doctor Friedemann and The Empowerment Solution
26:07
after these words on the own Times Radio network, The Cutting Edge of Conscious
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Box Novus. My guess this week is doctor Friedemontshaub. His book is called
27:02
The Empowerment Solution. Six Keys to Unlocking Your Full Potential with the subconscious Mind.
27:08
We started talking about these patterns that in the first segment. Let's talk
27:12
a little bit more in depth about the avoid pattern. What is the avoid
27:15
pattern. Well, the avoid pattern is definitely the pattern in general that says
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the best way for us is to see other people as potential danger and their
27:30
reactions to us as something that we have to control or ideally avoid. And
27:37
so the pattern itself, you know, is divided into three as I mentioned,
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So there is a victim, the invisibility and the procrastination pattern. And
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the interesting thing about the avoid patterns, see, I know of many people
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that would say, well, I'm not an avoid and I'm certainly not an
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invisibility person. What do you talk about. I'm so social, I'm so
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outgoing, so that battern doesn't really work for me. But then when you
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go a little bit deeper and you ask yourself, so, yes, you
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like to be seen in a certain way. You like to show up,
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you know, all together in confidence and jovial, but do you show really
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what's underneath the surface. Do you really show your vulnerability? Do you really
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share when you're anxious or sad or struggle with self confidence? No, you
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don't. So you are also then invisible to other people because you're too scared
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of showing that other side of you. And that's what I see often with
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people that they don't live one hundred percent as a recluse, as an avoid
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as an invisibility person, but they don't dare to show their whole, authentic
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self. It's a very conditional way of showing up. And so I think
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we have to always look at ourselves and say, how much of who we
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are in the world is really us? And how much are we conditioned just
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to perform and not really show up as that's true and real self. Do
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we even know what that means? And the way that shows up in our
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lives when we live in this pattern is that we often feel dissatisfied. Many
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people that are in the avoid pattern realize that there is some void inside of
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them avoid and that void inside of them is ultimately that void that they try
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to fill with whatever successes or purchases. But the void comes from that inner
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self that hasn't been fully expressed. For me, it was that inner,
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happy, go lucky self that I had to suppress because I was only acceptable
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if I had good grades and it was serious is and did everything that I
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was told to do, so that that dreamer, that creative self, that
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that self that was looking at the world and saw all the beauty and magic.
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I had to unearth this self in my late thirties, and when I
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did, that void that I had felt and that couldn't be filled with anything,
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no relationship, no success, no doctorate, could really feel that void.
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Once I unearthed that aspect of myself, all of a sudden, I
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felt whole. And that's, you know, really something that brings so much
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peace to a person. And the pleaser something I could todifuck with. Yes,
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a lot of people do. And you know, pleasers often also are
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kind of stubborn because they feel like, well, what's wrong with pleasing,
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isn't it like what we're supposed to do. And the difference between doing good
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and being of service versus being in the pleaser survival pattern is that the pleaser
31:03
survival pattern wants something in return. See if you only do good because this
31:10
is what you really feel like you're meant to do, you don't keep score,
31:15
you don't want a little pat on the back. You don't care if
31:19
people say thank you, or if you get approval or an invitation or whatever
31:23
it is. You just do it because that's what you do. But most
31:29
people that are in the pleaser pattern do it because it's easier for them to
31:33
take care of others of themselves. It's much more gratifying for them to get
31:41
from others some kind of a compliment or a sense of importance, because when
31:47
they are by themselves, they often are struggling with themselves. They often avoid
31:52
themselves because it do feel like they're not good enough or they don't really have
31:57
any kind of that outside of being the pleaser. And there are three pleaser
32:02
patterns I talk about. One is the chameleon pleaser. So that's the one
32:08
that shifts easily from one persona to the next depending on who they are around.
32:15
Often these are people that are very very sensitive and aware, and when
32:21
they're around the parents, there are certain ways. When they're around the colleagues,
32:24
there a certain way, and they don't really know who they are because
32:29
they are like a chameleon really blending in for them, it's not so much
32:35
about doing or being of service for them, it's much more about kind of
32:39
the fitting in aspect. And I find that's especially in social media world,
32:46
it's very very common that we want to fit in. We don't even ask
32:51
do we really like this activity? Is that really what we believe in?
32:54
Is that really the clothes that fits me. No, I'm doing all of
32:58
this because I to fit in. So that's that pleaser chameleon. And then
33:02
there is a helper that's certainly the classic caretaker, the one just always over
33:09
gives and usually underappreciates themselves. And then there is the lover. Now,
33:15
the lover is an interesting one because that is the one that really looks not
33:21
to necessarily please everyone, but just one person. It's the one person that
33:27
that's the person gets really lost in a relationship that cannot live without some kind
33:34
of a romantic connection. And you could argue that that pattern may be rather
33:39
rare, but when you are in that lover pattern, you definitely struggle and
33:45
suffer because your whole world depends on that person that you chose to be the
33:52
one and the unfortunately, often it's the one that hurts you the most,
33:57
and that's where those codependencies come from. But that's definitely a pattern I wanted
34:02
to include because it's so devastating when you get lost in it. I can
34:07
speak to the pleaser aspect of the helper something that was wired in me as
34:13
a young child. I had a very difficult, tenuous relationship with my father.
34:19
I was the first born, and he was twenty years older than my
34:22
mother when they got married, and I don't think he was really ready for
34:23
children, but I never felt loved by him. And then when I was
34:28
eight years old, he got sick and I became part of his caretaking team
34:32
with my mother, and for the first time, I felt that I was
34:36
loved by him, and I wired in my young mind that if you care
34:39
for others, you will be loved, and that set up that helper pattern
34:43
within me, something that caused me to neglect many things about myself and my
34:46
own health throughout my life until my late forties, and when I came to
34:51
the decision that I had to stop taking care of everyone else and start taking
34:57
care of myself, otherwise I wouldn't be around much longer. And it actually
35:00
generated and gendered a poem that I wrote called the Healing Power of No Man.
35:05
Share that with you, Oh yes, please. A time comes for
35:08
choosing rather than losing the essence that makes us so and in the bestowing.
35:15
There's power in knowing the freedom that comes with no when said with compassion,
35:22
not angry. In fashion and letting the self love flow, there's a sense
35:27
of renewing and deep soul imbuing the awareness that comes with no. So with
35:34
gentle voice and the power of choice and the courage to make it so,
35:39
I'm still here, my friends. There's no means in this end, just
35:45
the healing that comes with no. Wow, that is perfect summary for this
35:52
chapter. You could have written it. I mean, that is just I
35:55
used that all ten thousand words or twenty thousand words. You just put in
36:00
such a beautiful, short and really exquisite form. Thank you, thank you,
36:06
and it's amazing life so dramatically and it really brought me to a point
36:09
of self appreciation and self care, which is the most important thing. I
36:13
was really neglecting my self care and and not and and and saying yes when
36:17
appropriate, but also saying no when appropriate. And that was the big challenge
36:21
for me, absolutely, you know. And that's what also I describe in
36:25
the helper pattern. I mean two things. One is that the helper or
36:30
the pleaser has all these excuses on why, you know, it's not okay
36:36
to take care of yourself, like you know, self care is selfish,
36:39
or when someone is struggling, you know you have to alleviate their pain or
36:45
isn't it better to be empathetic than just you know, taking care of yourself.
36:51
So they are all these things that are addressed because they are not true.
36:54
They are just what we tell ourselves. And then they are these these
37:00
boundaries. And it's interesting you say no, which is actually one of the
37:04
boundaries that describe which is called no is a full sentence, and that is
37:09
certainly the external boundary of putting the foot down and saying sorry, can't it's
37:15
beyond me, or I need to take care of myself, or I don't
37:19
have the energy, or this is not what I can do for you,
37:22
And they're certainly a little bit more elegant ways than just no. But it's
37:25
important, this no that you say to the outside world. However, that's
37:32
not the most important no. The most important no is to yourself, to
37:37
this impulse, to this habit to jump in as soon as someone says I
37:43
need something, to raise the hand right away, when someone is asking for
37:47
volunteers, that no to yourself and saying no, you don't have to get
37:53
stuck in other people's challenges or sufferings. No, you are not response to
38:00
fix them. No, you are worthy even if you say I can't and
38:07
take care of yourself because as a pleaser myself, I found my inner boundaries
38:13
we're the ones that got broken much easier than the outer boundaries. I could
38:17
say no, and then I could sit with guilt and shame at home and
38:22
felt bad that I did say no. So we have to have that boundary
38:25
and that compassion, like you wrote in your poem, with that boundary for
38:30
ourselves as well. Absolutely, so, how do these patterns make us give
38:35
away our power and lead to anxiety? Well, when you are in a
38:39
pattern, you basically say, well, the person I please, or the
38:45
person I want love from, or the person I want to avoid to get
38:51
mad at me or criticize me, you give the power to all of them.
38:55
You're basically telling you my well being and my safety and worthiness is dependent
39:02
on others, either their presence or their absence, and you don't really look
39:08
at your own self as the source of security and worthiness. And so giving
39:15
our power ways kind of misleading, because it's not really that we are giving
39:21
our power aways, not something like you know, money that you put into
39:24
other people's hands, but you believe that you don't have the power to be
39:31
enough to feel safe from within, to have the sense of self worse.
39:39
That just comes from your existence or from how you know yourself. So the
39:45
goal of this work is really helping people to see how they can turn the
39:51
focus away from looking at the outside world. Is that what makes them feel
39:57
better, to looking insight. And you mentioned one word in your poem,
40:02
which was essence, And I think that's so important for us to realize that
40:08
our essence, who we are, is ultimately unlimited. We have so much
40:15
potential, so much power, so much wisdom. There are so many gifts
40:21
that we carry. But if we don't really look for them, and we
40:24
only look for either become the smaller version of ourselves or look for what other
40:30
people want us to be to be accepted, naturally, we really let this
40:37
potential in those gifts become dormant, and then we feel more anxious because we
40:44
feel so dependent and we feel so exposed, and we feel so small,
40:50
just like we did when we were children. I mean, you mentioned it.
40:53
It's like when you have in your childhood and experience that's deeply moving and
41:00
it's ingrained in your mind that I am only lovable if I take care of
41:05
others. Well, that is certainly a pattern that doesn't make you look for
41:09
any kind of self worse because you have chosen only this equation is give something
41:16
and maybe you get a little bit something back, and that creates a lot
41:21
of fear because what if it doesn't come back? And what if I have
41:24
nothing to give or if what I give is not enough in the eyes of
41:29
others. That is where a lot of people feel anxiety in relationships, and
41:35
that's where a lot of people feel disconnected from themselves. And I really invite
41:39
listeners to do a little experiment and just look at the patterns of avoidance and
41:45
please and pleasing, and ask themselves, how do I feel when I sit
41:52
by myself ten minutes, fifteen minutes, without any distractions, without any there's
42:00
not even any kind of meditation practice to do, just sitting with yourself.
42:07
Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel your connect to yourself just like you
42:12
would to a friend, or do you feel like you're with a stranger who
42:15
you want to just avoid as soon as possible. And the key word here
42:22
is connection to reconnect with ourselves right absolutely, And in the process of reconnection,
42:29
what happens when we reconnect with ourselves, it's like coming home. And
42:34
that is certainly something that I find is one of the most beautiful experiences we
42:42
can have because I, for once again I have to talk about myself,
42:47
because that's definitely something I study very intensely. When I came to Seattle and
42:54
started the moleculobiology program, I was so identified as a doctor that when I
43:01
had taken the coat off and the stethoscope hung on the wall, I didn't
43:08
know who I was. I had no connection to myself. And so when
43:12
I because I didn't know anybody in Seattle at that time I came from Germany,
43:16
I really was so insecure just entering into a restaurant because I felt everyone
43:22
is looking at me, and everyone knows that I'm actually without friends here,
43:27
and all these you know, self judgment and self criticism just was yelling in
43:32
my ears, and that discomfort made me constantly not want to be around myself
43:40
or wanted me just to distract myself or self medicaid and all the good things
43:45
we were doing. So coming home to myself was more comfortable than actually I
43:53
ever had felt in my childhood home because it was a feeling of exhale.
44:00
Finally I know who I am, I know that I can rely on myself
44:05
I know that I who I am, is who I am supposed to be,
44:09
and there is always room to grow and explore. But there is a
44:14
comfort and that feeling of I know that I can lean on myself. I
44:20
can rely on myself, and that is something we are all capable of.
44:24
And when you struggle with anxiety, when you struggle with these survival patterns,
44:30
they are simply messages that tell you, Okay, it's time to go and
44:37
renew yourself, reconnect to yourself, realign yourself with your essence. These strong
44:43
feelings are not telling you the truth about something is wrong with you or something
44:46
is wrong with the outside world. They're usually telling yourself that you're just not
44:52
on the right track, that you're not focusing on that what you need to
44:55
focus on, which is really you and what you're here for. Because I'm
45:00
a firm believer, we have a purpose. It doesn't have to be something
45:05
always you know, book writing, or some earth shattering something. It's just
45:10
something that fills us up, something that we are here to share, something
45:15
that makes us feel we are really in that sweet spot of knowing that we
45:22
are here for a reason, and it can have all different shapes and forms.
45:27
When we feel that, and when we feel connected to that, then
45:30
every day feels meaningful. My guest is doctor Friedeman Chob. His book is
45:35
called The Empowerment Solution. We'll be back with more after these words on the
45:38
Old Times Radio Network. Humanity Healing International is a small nonprofit with a big
45:45
dream. Since two thousand and seven, HHI has been working tirelessly to bring
45:50
help to communities with little or no oh. Our projects are not broad mandates,
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nor are they overnight solutions, but they bring the real assurance then no
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one is alone and that someone cares. To learn more, please visit Humanity
46:06
Healing dot org. Humanity Healing is where your Heart is. Hello. I'm
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Sandy Sedgeby, a host of on Times Magazine's flagship radio show What is going
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On? My passion is sifting through information, research and innovations from new thought
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teachers, speakers and researchers, pushing back the boundaries of what we know about
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life, energy, metaphysics, and the universe. I love shifting perceptions about
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who we are, why we're here, and how quickly impossible becomes normal when
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we open our minds, expand our awareness, and accept that the only limits
46:39
that exist are those we place upon ourselves. So if you're the kind of
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forward thinking, eager investigator of what lies beyond the current reality that most perceive,
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why not make a date to come play with me in the field of
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we can discover what's very going on. If I could be you and you
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could be me for just one hour, if you can find a way to
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get inside each other's mind, walk a mile in my shoes. Walk a
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mile in my shoes, Walk a mile in my shoes. We've all felt
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left out, and for some that feeling lasts more than a moment. We
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can change that learn how it belonging begins with us dot org. Brought to
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you by the AD Council. Welcome mile in my shoes. Back on Vox
47:35
Novus. My guest this week is doctor Friedman Job. His book is called
47:38
The Empowerment Solution. Six Keys to Unlocking your full potential with the subconscious Mind.
47:45
Doctor, what does it mean to be the leader of our life?
47:50
Well, the leader of your life is the one that I just mentioned feels
47:54
at home with himself but also feels that nothing is happening to them. It
48:01
is basically that that choice, that choice to even respond and not react to
48:08
whatever circumstances we are in, that choice to move forward in the direction that
48:15
feels in alignment with their purpose and alignment with their essence, and that also
48:21
that choice to take impeccable care of themselves and make sure that whatever they do
48:27
comes from a place of love for themselves but also love for life and love
48:32
for others. And so it's an ideal to become that leader of our lives
48:37
that we all can if we choose to go into. But to get there,
48:43
I felt it was important to have certain keys that are unlocking certain gifts
48:50
and strengths inside of us. And those are the six keys I mentioned in
48:53
the book. And how can we learn to love ourselves more? Wellautiful question,
49:00
because I also felt like, you know, isn't it interesting that we
49:04
all talk about self love and how it's important and you cannot really love anyone
49:09
if you cannot love yourself. But it's not necessarily something that anyone you know
49:15
talks about, or it's not what you learn in school, and certainly you
49:17
don't learn it from your parents. When I was told, well, you
49:22
shouldn't feel good about yourself because it's arrogant and no one likes arrogance. That's
49:28
what my parents like to do to say. Then, you know, any
49:31
kind of idea of self love was just burst like a little bubble. I
49:37
mean, I couldn't feel love for myself because apparently that was not acceptable by
49:42
others. So it took me a while to understand that self love is basically
49:47
something that we can do based on what we know how we love others.
49:53
And I knew that I loved others. I knew that I had been you
49:57
know, expressing love and care for people, for animals, And so the
50:01
way I describe self love is literally understanding that we also have these needs that
50:09
our loved ones have. And so it's about the connection to your physical body
50:15
and just really listening to the message of your physical body and be aware of
50:22
and then there is the emotional body, paying attention to that and also really
50:28
responding to it in the same way, and then understanding that we also have
50:32
these love languages, you know, you know, the four or five love
50:38
languages that are famously described as you know, these are the keys to to
50:45
know that you're loved and also know that you can show someone you love them,
50:50
and we just have to be aware of that. We can use those
50:53
love languages as well, so how we talk to ourselves, how we spend
51:00
quality time, how we can spoil ourselves once in a while, how we
51:04
can and also give ourselves physical touch. All those things lead to a much
51:09
more warm and comfortable relationship to ourselves. But if we have all this baggage
51:15
beforehand, this is why the self love chapter is the last one in the
51:20
book, or almost the last one in the book. If we have all
51:22
these other challenges that we have to first deal with, whether it's not knowing
51:28
our essence, or whether it's not really being able to rely on our world,
51:34
or whether it's still that we have not recaptured our innocence, which is
51:39
something I describe in the Invisibility chapter. All of those things I find are
51:45
necessary for us to come to a place where we can say, Okay,
51:49
now I know myself enough. It's like we're dating ourselves, and now I
51:54
can also fall in love with myself. You talk about this as update our
52:00
Owner's manual. What do you mean by that? Well, the Owner's Manual
52:05
basically is the survival pattern, the idea that whatever happens is still somehow looked
52:14
at through the eyes of a younger version of ourselves. So you know,
52:20
let's say your example is the example of helping others. Caring for others equals
52:25
love. That's the old owner's manual. And so there is not necessarily room
52:32
to receive because you have to give, and there is certainly no room to
52:37
love yourself because it comes from others. And so that's the old owner's manual.
52:42
And we live often own in this old owner's manual, not in all
52:47
aspects. In A classic example is someone who has been really successful in their
52:52
career and feels thriving and feels outgoing, but as soon as they go in
52:58
their private lives, and let's say they go to gathering or a party,
53:04
they feel exactly like they have been when they were twelve years old, standing
53:07
in the corner, not daring to talk to anyone, completely shy and insecure,
53:13
being the wallflower. Because that's the old survival pattern. Strangers watch out
53:19
in that career. They're not necessarily bound by this survival pattern because the career
53:27
is something new. It's something that came after the original description of survival and
53:34
keeping it safe and so on. So what we need to realize is where
53:38
do we act still in ways that limit ourselves, that are almost like we're
53:45
looking through the eyes of a child and not really our adult self. We
53:51
can become defensive. We can when we are you know. For example,
53:55
classic example is when you go home and you after forty eight hours, you
54:00
feel you're reverting back to being like a child. You're either pleasing mom or
54:07
you're agreeing with dad, or you become rebellious and you find yourself arguing just
54:12
like you did when you're sixteen years old. These are all signs that you
54:15
haven't really updated your owner's manual. And the beauty about the new Owner's Manual,
54:21
the way it's described in the book is that you write it. It's
54:24
not something you're subconscious, right, it's your conscious mind writing it in alignment
54:30
with your subconscious. It's telling your subconscious we don't have to do this anymore.
54:36
We don't have to hide out, we don't have to live in the
54:38
past, we don't have to please others just to get approval. We can
54:44
change it. We can turn this around. And this is where we have
54:49
to communicate with the subconscious, which is described in the book How to do
54:52
this. But when we do, literally, the subconscious and the conscious mind
54:58
are in sync, and the conscious mind is a leader and the subconscious is
55:02
that supporter. But they both go into the same direction, which is creating
55:07
a life of greater purpose and joy. The wisdom of doctor Freedoman job his
55:14
new book, The Empowerment Solution, Six Keys to unlocking your full potential with
55:17
the subconscious Mind. Please hear with our listeners one more time where they get
55:22
your books and find out more about you and your work. Let's go to
55:25
my website doctor Friedman dot com or for all information private sessions, my webinar
55:35
that or my video seminar that comes up next week or this week actually,
55:40
and also my YouTube channel, and my books and recordings. All the things
55:47
that are something I love to share with the world you can find there.
55:51
And the book It's in Itself you can find on Amazon and all the bookstores
55:57
that are out there. Doctor Friedman, thank you so much for joining us
56:00
and sharing this wisdom and experience and these wonderful lessons that we all need to
56:05
learn. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity. I really enjoyed
56:08
our time together, and thank you for joining us on Vox Novus. I'm
56:14
Victor, the voice Firman, have a wonderful week.