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Your Kids Are An ASSET On Mission (Not A Burden!) Here's How... · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  All right, it is time to talk about family and mission.
• 0:03
  This is Mark and Michelle Tiderman.
• 0:05
  They're good friends of ours, live here in Cincinnati,
• 0:06
  and definitely go to family when it comes to
• 0:09
  how do we be a team on mission,
• 0:12
  with emphasis on the on mission.
• 0:14
  Mark and Michelle help family teams figure this out.
• 0:16
  We have them in our accelerator.
• 0:18
  If you guys are interested,
• 0:19
  go check out the accelerator over at familyteams.com.
• 0:22
  We have a different theme every month.
• 0:23
  And so we're about to dive into mission month,
• 0:25
  where it's like,
• 0:27
  how has God designed our families to be on mission together?
• 0:30
  So I'm really excited for Mark and Michelle to talk about this.
• 0:33
  Tell us who's on your team, and then we'll dive into the Tidermans on Mission.
• 0:37
  Well, we're Mark and Michelle.
• 0:38
  We've been married 22 years, and we have Marcos, who is 18.
• 0:43
  Isaac is 16.
• 0:44
  Selah is 14.
• 0:46
  And Mercy is 10.
• 0:47
  So we're on the older side now.
• 0:49
  Awesome, guys.
• 0:51
  I would love for you guys to kind of give us a little bit of the story
• 0:55
  of how your family really became more missional.
• 0:59
  Obviously, for a lot of families, what we hear is, you know,
• 1:03
  there is a serious challenge that people have with, number one,
• 1:08
  you know, how do we balance all this stuff?
• 1:10
  And then number two, how do we figure out what kind of unique mission
• 1:14
  maybe God has called our family for?
• 1:16
  These are questions like, you know, we really talk through a lot
• 1:18
  because once people realize, oh, we're a team, it's like, okay,
• 1:21
  what's the team supposed to do?
• 1:23
  So I'd like to kind of just hear from you guys, go back a little bit and kind of walk us into how this value really grew for you guys.
• 1:32
  For us, our marriage, well, our relationship started on the mission field.
• 1:35
  We met on a mission trip in Mexico City, and then we got married and went on staff and led short-term mission trips in Mexico City.
• 1:43
  So we started our entire marriage and family on the mission field, always global mission focused.
• 1:49
  We really thought we'd be around the world somewhere global forever.
• 1:54
  So we started on the mission field.
• 1:56
  We got pregnant and came back to Ohio for a little bit and kept waiting for what's next.
• 2:01
  Where are we going to go next?
• 2:02
  God's little practical joke is he sent us globally to the suburb of Cincinnati.
• 2:10
  And so we were here, but always wondering where will we go around the world next?
• 2:14
  So we've always had a global mission perspective.
• 2:17
  But when we came back from Mexico City, we, you know, on our trips, we'd always tell people came on these week long mission trips.
• 2:24
  What you're feeling, the impact you made isn't just Mexico.
• 2:27
  You can do this at home.
• 2:29
  You can serve your neighbors the same way you're serving here.
• 2:32
  So when we left staff and came back to Ohio, we were like, well, I guess we should follow the advice that we gave everyone on those trips.
• 2:41
  So we started serving locally.
• 2:42
  We adopted a low-income apartment complex in Fairfield, our city, and started doing some outreach there.
• 2:50
  Now with our toddler, our firstborn, Marcos, who was two at the time.
• 2:55
  And we started, you know, loving on this complex, apartment complex there.
• 2:59
  So it's kind of just been ingrained in our family from the beginning.
• 3:02
  And I could, like, I know we're going to interweave a couple, like, lessons that we've kind of come to over our journey.
• 3:10
  but one that you've already kind of mentioned, Jeremy,
• 3:13
  is the challenge of doing stuff with young kids
• 3:15
  and the challenge of kind of doing stuff together.
• 3:18
  And looking back, what we did in that time,
• 3:21
  we felt like we were just literally knocking on doors.
• 3:24
  It was a servant evangelism concept
• 3:25
  and just wanted to tell people God loved them
• 3:27
  and give them a box of, at the time,
• 3:28
  it was like cereal or Pop-Tarts
• 3:31
  or just something very practical.
• 3:32
  People were always like, what are you doing?
• 3:33
  Why are you doing this?
• 3:34
  But over time, it built relationship.
• 3:36
  But one of the fascinating things is
• 3:38
  if we had our two-year-old son with us, they'd open the door, they would talk, they would invite
• 3:42
  us in.
• 3:43
  If it was just us, they would rarely like, they saw us.
• 3:48
  Yeah, they were just, so just by
• 3:51
  having our family, our kids with us, it actually opened up other doors that wouldn't have been
• 3:57
  open practically.
• 3:58
  And so, you know, just that principle that we've tried to since the beginning
• 4:02
  is always like, how do we just bring them along?
• 4:04
  How do we do this together?
• 4:06
  If we could do it by
• 4:07
  ourselves, how might we do this together?
• 4:10
  It's, you know, it kind of one of those principles that
• 4:12
  we just kept trying to come back to.
• 4:14
  Yeah.
• 4:15
  Yeah.
• 4:16
  That, that is huge.
• 4:17
  Like, how do we do this
• 4:18
  together as a team?
• 4:20
  And what's interesting in your example, you just use Mark is that
• 4:23
  your kids are an asset.
• 4:25
  A lot of times when we talk about integrating your kids, it's sort of
• 4:27
  like, well, we know they're kind of like making you a little less efficient, a little less
• 4:30
  productive, but let's like, try to be a family, you know, and try to do it together.
• 4:35
  Whereas on
• 4:36
  the mission, oftentimes the issue is if you pick the right kind of project or assignment, then often
• 4:43
  your kids are an asset, even at two years old.
• 4:46
  Yes.
• 4:47
  Yeah.
• 4:47
  Curious how, yeah.
• 4:48
  Any other ways you
• 4:48
  guys have really seen that play out?
• 4:51
  I mean, yeah.
• 4:52
  Like what you just shared, it often is more effort
• 4:55
  to do it with a family and with kids, especially younger kids.
• 5:00
  And we're not even talking about the
• 5:02
  long-term benefits that they get by just living on mission, giving their life away.
• 5:06
  They learn
• 5:07
  actually that they get pleasure, joy, satisfaction by, you know, being a part of God's story that way.
• 5:14
  Well, I think we always just have seen mission as where we are.
• 5:17
  So our kids naturally are a part of
• 5:20
  what we're doing.
• 5:21
  And so, you know, mission has looked different to us over different stages of
• 5:25
  life and what we're involved in, who our kids are friends with, what activities people are doing.
• 5:29
  And so we've tried to see every opportunity wherever we are as a mission.
• 5:33
  So if they're playing on a youth sports team, we're coaching, we're building relationships with the parents.
• 5:38
  We're not just showing up, dropping them off, leaving.
• 5:40
  We are there missionally.
• 5:42
  If our family, you know, joined the pool one summer, we're trying to build relationships at the pool with our kids.
• 5:47
  So, I mean, I just feel like it's always been so integrated.
• 5:51
  Yeah.
• 5:52
  Part of where I feel like you get a map for the kind of assignments you have as a family is to sort of watch how God has wired, you know, both you and your spouse, but also your kids.
• 6:03
  And so I'm curious, as your kids have matured and you're beginning to see different gifts and interests and talents coming out of them, how has that impacted the way you guys have approached mission as a family?
• 6:17
  a leading principle in that is just finding needs.
• 6:21
  And I think this is kind of a leadership concept,
• 6:24
  but it's really a mission opportunity is a lot of times I can want to serve in a certain way,
• 6:31
  but at the same time, there's probably actually really practical ways that are really needed.
• 6:36
  They're actually a void if I don't do that, which is different than like trying to like compete to
• 6:41
  serves or for something.
• 6:43
  Coaching youth sports is like one of the things that I think is actually
• 6:46
  been tremendous for us when it comes to not only having influence in the season, but now after our
• 6:53
  son has just graduated, our oldest.
• 6:55
  So we've had the past 12 years, we've basically coached so many
• 6:59
  of these kids, and now they're going through the whole school system.
• 7:02
  And even though we homeschool,
• 7:04
  our oldest went to Fairfield and graduated there, but the other three we homeschool,
• 7:07
  we've had such a missional contact point with the school district because of all the kids we've
• 7:12
  coached over the years.
• 7:14
  They literally see me at the football games and they fist bump me and coach,
• 7:17
  they'll give me a name.
• 7:17
  They call me coach sandals because the first football practice ever like
• 7:20
  coached that like I, I coached them in sandals.
• 7:22
  So they make fun of me still as like, but it's like,
• 7:25
  and that opens up the doors to really check on them, to talk, to talk deeper, to have those
• 7:29
  conversations and those deep relationships over time.
• 7:34
  But that came from, we would go and we'd
• 7:36
  be on certain teams or if our kid wanted to play a sport, then oftentimes we'd be like, well,
• 7:40
  we're going to put up the same amount of time into this already.
• 7:43
  So like, what are the easy
• 7:44
  wins?
• 7:45
  Well, I'm already going to be there for every practice.
• 7:47
  So why don't I lead the practice
• 7:49
  so I can now set the culture.
• 7:50
  Then you start to realize so much of mission.
• 7:53
  And I think
• 7:55
  leadership is very similar where it's about like initiating, filling a gap, you know, so on a team,
• 8:01
  whenever we would set the tone, now we create that culture that actually like, we're encouraging
• 8:06
  those kids.
• 8:07
  A lot of those kids are coming from challenging situations.
• 8:10
  You find us encouraging
• 8:11
  the parents.
• 8:12
  You build that, again, year after year, that opportunity to just step into a role
• 8:17
  that's needed.
• 8:18
  And I see that like over, like Isaac, our second son, I taught him photography
• 8:24
  early on.
• 8:24
  So he would be eight, nine, and he'd be around the football field.
• 8:28
  His brother would be
• 8:28
  out there playing.
• 8:29
  And so he'd just be taking pics.
• 8:31
  Well, again, that's an example.
• 8:33
  Like if
• 8:33
  You can share good pictures with other people.
• 8:35
  That's an asset.
• 8:36
  They're like, oh, thanks.
• 8:38
  It builds that relationship missionally, just filling in a gap.
• 8:41
  And then what we found is over and over again, Michelle might be like doing meals for the team.
• 8:46
  Well, we'd have our whole team would be there to help serve.
• 8:49
  And just like just by continuing to bring our kids along into it's and it's not like coming up with something grand.
• 8:56
  I think, yes, there might be something unique for your family.
• 9:00
  But if you're out there and you're wrestling with what do we do?
• 9:03
  think really simple, you know, right now, as simple as maybe this fall, there's leaves that
• 9:09
  need raked in your neighborhood.
• 9:11
  And you go as a family and go rake leaves for one of your neighbors,
• 9:13
  or we used to shovel snow for our neighbors or different things, or any need that is around you
• 9:19
  just by meeting it and meeting it together is like the starting point for mission, you know,
• 9:23
  and then it's easier to steer a moving ship.
• 9:25
  So it gets you the reps and it gets you progress.
• 9:27
  And then you start to find maybe over time creatively who it's got placed here and how
• 9:31
  we uniquely gifted and called.
• 9:33
  That's really good.
• 9:34
  Yeah.
• 9:34
  It seems like a lot of people feel like
• 9:36
  you got to create some kind of novel program.
• 9:39
  And so it seems like you guys have discovered is,
• 9:41
  well, sometimes when you just get involved, take responsibility and look for those needs,
• 9:47
  you can start to really make an impact.
• 9:50
  I think sometimes people get locked up in,
• 9:52
  okay, let's say I'm starting to meet a need and I'm building relationship.
• 9:57
  and how have you guys seen that translate into conversations about the gospel or things that,
• 10:04
  yeah, how have you guys seen those connection points?
• 10:07
  I know you guys have had a lot of those
• 10:09
  conversations.
• 10:09
  I'm curious how that, I watched you do this, Mark, in my house once.
• 10:12
  I was like,
• 10:13
  I've been inviting this guy over for like six months and he was hanging out with me
• 10:17
  and Mark comes over for some dinner and within like five minutes, he's having like one of the
• 10:22
  deepest evangelistic conversation I've ever heard.
• 10:24
  So yeah.
• 10:25
  How do you guys do that?
• 10:26
  How does that work?
• 10:27
  You just make friends with people that have been so in the ground for six
• 10:29
  months and you can show up.
• 10:30
  How are you?
• 10:31
  You're a parasite, parasitical evangelism.
• 10:33
  Just like come alongside these, these, these scared people who won't initiate
• 10:39
  a conversation.
• 10:40
  That's not the point.
• 10:41
  That would have been good.
• 10:43
  Well, I mean, I think back to our neighbors, we did, you know,
• 10:47
  these open dinners with our neighbors.
• 10:49
  We had people over consistently, and then we kind of identified who are the people that are leaning in who might be willing to go deeper.
• 10:56
  And so we tried to hang out with them more.
• 10:58
  And then at some point, Mark was just like, would you guys want to read the Bible with us?
• 11:03
  And we're like, yeah.
• 11:04
  I mean, I feel like it's the building of the relationship.
• 11:07
  And then at some point, you have to be willing to take a step of boldness and, you know, invite people in.
• 11:13
  I think that's true.
• 11:14
  It does take courage.
• 11:15
  Yes.
• 11:15
  Yes.
• 11:16
  There's a moment, there is a leap somewhere between like, I was meeting this need, meeting this need, hanging out, we're doing this stuff.
• 11:22
  And all of a sudden, I'm into an actual in-depth spiritual conversation or somebody's come over to study the Bible.
• 11:28
  Like that step, I think, is where a lot of people get stuck.
• 11:32
  and yes and so i actually think of this very similarly and i know it can feel cheap in some
• 11:39
  ways but it's no different than how sales progress or marketing where you have these
• 11:44
  different milestone moments and you need a way to transition from how your relationship is now
• 11:49
  to the next like and so what you're getting at is actually a very freeing moment because
• 11:55
  when you officially say to let's just it's also like a dating analogy i don't know if that helps
• 12:01
  but it's also like at some point it's like you have to have a determining moment and the freedom
• 12:09
  is when they actually don't proceed to the next one because if you're partnering with with god
• 12:14
  then when people say no to the next thing it's actually not a loss it's actually a very freeing
• 12:19
  moment it happened to jesus a lot you know in john 6 where he like he gave a teaching and people said
• 12:24
  no, or he gave freedom in the people of peace.
• 12:26
  Like, Hey, if there's a person of peace and they
• 12:29
  receive, so you have to kind of take, take it to a point where there's a bit of an offer or a bit
• 12:34
  of a challenge or a bit of something, an invitation, an invitation that allows them to really
• 12:39
  say yes or no.
• 12:40
  And, you know, we literally did that one summer after a whole summer's worth of,
• 12:46
  uh, and this is super cheesy, but I actually think it was, it was on point for what we needed
• 12:51
  a whole summer's worth of open dinners and at the end we wrote them like a little check yes or no
• 12:56
  letter and it was tongue-in-cheek funny but it was like and at the bottom like i gave like because
• 13:02
  we basically said and these are kind of like harvest moments and i see this with our seasons
• 13:06
  when you coach a season for let's just say upward basketball it's like one of the best ways by the
• 13:10
  way if you're not connected to if you're looking for some way to coach upward basketball is like
• 13:14
  such a slam dunk easy anybody can do it they equip you it's like eight weeks long 10 weeks long
• 13:20
  but you'll get a moment where it's the last game and it's the last,
• 13:23
  it could be the last time I ever talked to these people.
• 13:24
  And so we try to say, okay,
• 13:26
  well is there a way that we can get people in our home in that last moment?
• 13:31
  And so a lot of times we do team parties as simple as that,
• 13:33
  that in just after eight,
• 13:35
  10 weeks of them,
• 13:36
  us meeting at a church or meeting at a,
• 13:38
  you know,
• 13:39
  a safe venue every single week and,
• 13:41
  you know,
• 13:41
  building relationship.
• 13:42
  Then when they get in our home,
• 13:43
  it changes the relationship just because it's personal.
• 13:46
  and then now there's an opportunity to actually invite into that next season to say like hey do
• 13:51
  you want to be a part of this next you we're going to do a bible study and having something that is
• 13:56
  next there's been a number of seasons we haven't had that and i think it's a bit of a miss because
• 14:01
  it allows us to take it's like a lead in marketing or whatever and again it's just but it allows you
• 14:07
  to kind of clarify well here's an invitation to go to that next level you're doing with the yes or
• 14:11
  Oh, and in that, at the bottom, it said, like, you know, do you want to study the Bible with us?
• 14:16
  We're going to do this in a different way.
• 14:18
  And it was kind of like one of three options.
• 14:20
  Like, yes, I'm all in.
• 14:23
  You know, I like you guys, but this whole God thing is a little bit weird for me, but I'm open to it.
• 14:28
  Or, hey, this is super weird.
• 14:30
  Let's both pretend like you never brought this up, Mark, and we'll both move on.
• 14:35
  And so we got some different answers back from all those.
• 14:37
  But again, fun, a way to just continue to move that relationship along and invite them in to that next level.
• 14:43
  That's good.
• 14:44
  I'm curious, Michelle, a lot of people, when they think about this topic, it feels like a lot of work.
• 14:51
  And they're like, does this detract from the family?
• 14:53
  How does it impact the kids?
• 14:55
  What do you feel like is at stake here from a family culture perspective?
• 14:59
  What happens in a family that has an ongoing mission that they're really working at versus saying, hey, we're already really busy trying to raise kids and do all this stuff.
• 15:09
  Let's just put all that on pause.
• 15:11
  What happens to a family culture when you really are dedicated to mission?
• 15:15
  Yeah, I think it brings unity.
• 15:18
  You know, it makes you work together as a team to carry out these things.
• 15:22
  When we hosted our neighbors, it was like everyone has a job in making sure things are ready and prepared.
• 15:28
  I feel like the biggest benefit is it sets our kids up for a lifetime of mission.
• 15:32
  I hope that they look back on their childhood and they're like, we were always hosting people.
• 15:36
  We always, you know, invited people in.
• 15:38
  We were intentional with everything we did.
• 15:41
  It sets their framework for this is how I hope they then approach their family, their mission.
• 15:45
  And even as, you know, before they have a family, these late teenage, early 20 years, that they would see, okay, I'm now in this job or at this school or whatever.
• 15:54
  And this isn't just me being here.
• 15:55
  It's me being on mission here.
• 15:57
  that's so good so i think what's at stake is really their whole framework for mission
• 16:02
  yeah yeah i think it's impossible to overstate the fact that if you don't do mission
• 16:08
  your kids like their whole perception of what the gospel is really gets distorted at some level
• 16:14
  because it doesn't become very inward about yes and this sort of like main character it's all
• 16:18
  about me hyper individualism this is what we're trying to get over and if you don't have any
• 16:23
  arenas to really demonstrate something different.
• 16:25
  Wow.
• 16:26
  Like that's going to be a big challenge.
• 16:27
  So
• 16:28
  super helpful guys.
• 16:29
  Any last things you would say to a family who's like, oh man, we're trying to
• 16:31
  figure this out.
• 16:32
  What would be helpful for families trying to figure out how to be more
• 16:35
  of a family on mission?
• 16:37
  Another thing we have found over the years is to partner with another
• 16:40
  family.
• 16:40
  If you can, you know, in the different teams we've coached or the, um, the CrossFit gym
• 16:45
  or part of now where we have a lot of active ministry happening, there's always another
• 16:50
  family that we've been able to link arms with.
• 16:52
  So wherever God has overlapped you with someone
• 16:54
  with a similar heart and vision, it just, you know, gives you a little wind in your sails.
• 16:58
  Keep going.
• 16:59
  We can't overstate that enough.
• 17:01
  That has been so huge on all the teams we've ever
• 17:03
  coached.
• 17:04
  We've always had somebody that we can really rely on or we call them, you know, allies.
• 17:08
  And I love thinking of families across the city or across the country as different allies that
• 17:13
  you start to really partner with.
• 17:14
  And it's so encouraging when you're off having them on and
• 17:17
  just that extra energy at times.
• 17:20
  And then I would say partnering with other teammates,
• 17:22
  but then it's like, and we've already kind of stated this,
• 17:24
  but partnering with God, it's just like that.
• 17:26
  So this concept of partner, I think is really the theme
• 17:29
  because it's partnering with other teams.
• 17:31
  It's partnering with God.
• 17:32
  You say, where are you already working?
• 17:34
  Like, what are you already doing here?
• 17:35
  And then it's partnering with each other internally.
• 17:37
  And I love, there's kind of this,
• 17:40
  have you ever, you know, Jason Bourne?
• 17:42
  Yes.
• 17:42
  And like, and so I feel like God's giving me this picture
• 17:45
  of like this overlay of Jason Bourne
• 17:49
  as well as like Ocean's Eleven.
• 17:51
  It's really what we're doing here.
• 17:52
  So in some way, you know, the whole movie,
• 17:54
  Jason Bourne's trying to figure out, well, who am I?
• 17:56
  What am I here for?
• 17:57
  What have I been sent to do, equipped to do?
• 17:59
  Like who sent me?
• 18:01
  And that's really what our job is.
• 18:03
  We know who sent us, but God, why did you send me here?
• 18:06
  What are you already doing here?
• 18:08
  What have you implanted in us or in me to be here?
• 18:11
  And then you think Ocean's Eleven,
• 18:13
  if you watch that movie from this lens,
• 18:14
  it blows my mind.
• 18:16
  There are integral parts of how everyone is so necessary to work together.
• 18:22
  And so God, in a way, is like the general manager that throws teammates on your team.
• 18:27
  And we get to be like the journey of self-discovery as a family.
• 18:30
  I've been like,
• 18:31
  oh, wow, he gave us her and she's got that gift.
• 18:34
  Oh, well, we got to set her up for that.
• 18:36
  And oh, his gift over here.
• 18:37
  And just like, it's this journey of unlocking the gold that God's
• 18:41
  put deep down into the hills.
• 18:43
  Yes.
• 18:43
  Yeah.
• 18:43
  Awesome.
• 18:44
  So good guys.
• 18:45
  Yeah.
• 18:46
  Yeah.
• 18:46
  Go ahead,
• 18:46
  Michelle.
• 18:47
  Can I just add one more thing is I think a lot of times we overlook prayer,
• 18:51
  you know,
• 18:51
  like asking God,
• 18:52
  what do you have for us?
• 18:53
  Where do you want us?
• 18:55
  And then the last thing is just,
• 18:57
  we've kind of a line we use is focusing on faithfulness over impact.
• 19:02
  Like we can't measure our mission based on the fruit we see because we have no
• 19:05
  idea what God's doing.
• 19:07
  And the fruit is sometimes seen and sometimes it's unseen,
• 19:10
  but we are always saying, are we being faithful to what God's called us to?
• 19:15
  And are we, you know, continuing where he has us?
• 19:17
  And that has to be our focus.
• 19:19
  Not,
• 19:20
  are we seeing what we wanted to see out of this?
• 19:22
  Well, fruit is often latent, you know, it might be one year, two year,
• 19:25
  five years.
• 19:25
  And we've seen that, you know,
• 19:26
  we've had seasons of like all kinds of effort in sowing in very little or
• 19:31
  zero harvest.
• 19:32
  And other times it's like,
• 19:33
  God just gives a harvest that we didn't sow.
• 19:35
  And yes.
• 19:37
  so good guys thank you guys so much so we're just barely scratching the surface i know mark and
• 19:41
  michelle have a lot of examples and have really thought about this so if you want to jump into
• 19:45
  the accelerator you'll get the playbook that they've worked on they're also going to be our
• 19:48
  community coaches for this theme so you'll get to have a chance to ask your questions gonna be
• 19:53
  awesome um yeah so jump into the accelerator if you want to really understand this idea of mission
• 19:58
  and yeah super grateful mark and michelle you guys jumped onto today thanks for thanks if you're in
• 20:02
  Cincinnati or nearby, come see us.
• 20:04
  CrossFit Fairfield, come visit us.
• 20:06
  Yeah, CrossFit Fairfield.
• 20:07
  Join the Tidermans.
• 20:08
  Awesome.
• 20:08
  Thanks, guys.
• 20:10
  See ya.