Latest / Pathological Positivity / When Is Better Better Than Best? Episode #689
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 689, when is better better than best? Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hey. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life, And I am pondering some things that I really want to just throw out there today and and have you consider. Have you ever felt stuck trying to figure out the best option, the perfect plan, the right decision, only to end up doing nothing at all? There are some reasons for that, and it ties right into the positivity model that, we talk about all the time here at Live On Purpose and that, hopefully, you are already aware of. If you are not, if you don't have this model in your hands yet, I will put it into your hot little hands. Just go to liveonpurposeradio.com/themodel, all one word, the name of the podcast, liveonpurposeradio.com/themodel. And I'll put the positivity model into your hands because what we have to talk about today is exactly what the model is all about. Many, many times in my career, people have expressed that they're feeling stuck, and you can probably relate to this. I just want to make sure I do the best thing for me or for my family or for the group or for the company. I just wanna do the best thing. Well, that's awesome and problematic because there is no such thing as a best thing. Now by thing, we're talking about opportunity or choice or whatever it is that you're attaching to that word thing. I'm going to quote one of my mentors and someone I admire a lot, Patricia Fripp, who is a hall of fame speaker and she always asks if it weren't a thing, then what would it be? And she's coming from a place of coaching speakers. Stuff is another word. Well, if it weren't stuff, what would it be? Let's be specific about whatever your thing is that you're trying to do the best thing. So for example, you're making a decision about a career. Well, I just want to make the best choice. I want to to make sure that I pick the right career. Here's the problem. It could always be better. Your mind knows this at some level. So when you're asking yourself to find the best solution to this problem, it's not possible. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that you shouldn't strive to do something good or to find a better solution. And that's why the name of the podcast episode today is what it is. When is better better than best? Well, anytime you're trying to move forward, I would submit that better is better than best. Best is paralyzing because your human brain knows, at some level at least, that it could always be better. So no matter what you choose, let's say you're considering a couple of career choices or maybe a place to live or whatever. And you've set up an impossible criterion for yourself by saying, I just need to find the best solution. It's almost like a needle in a haystack. I have to rummage around until I figure that out. What is the best thing for me to do moving forward? The only reason that's frustrating is because it's not possible. Now consider what I'm saying here. It is not possible for you to find the best option because no matter what you find, your brain is gonna tell you, yeah, but what if it were something a little better than this? Done is better than to do. Would you agree? But it's not perfect. It's not like, well, I found the best solution. It's simply I chose a solution, a path forward. I am moving now. It creates momentum, and that is so valuable to our creative efforts. You're not gonna create perfect. You're going to create better. And after you've created better, you'll see how it's not perfect. And then you get to move forward and create from there. It's the start that stops us. It's getting that momentum into place, and this goes right back to the laws of thermodynamics, one of which is inertia, that objects in motion tend to remain in a motion, objects at rest tend to remain at rest. Getting a big stone wheel to move can take a lot of effort. And once it's moving, it's gonna be hard to stop it. So there's inertia involved. Again, I'm geeking out a little bit on the interface between psychology and physics, between those natural laws that govern our entire universe. This is one of them. Finding the best solution will create a psychological barrier in your mind because you know at some level it's not possible. Now let's take another interesting view of this On the other end of the spectrum, there is no worst. You know, people say this all the time too. Well, the worst thing that could happen is no. That's... There is no worst... And I'm putting a t on the end of that. There is no worst case scenario. There's always a worst case scenario. And I've heard it said both ways. It's so interesting because that little ending, either you say worse ending in an e or worst ending in a t. They're totally different concepts because there is no worst case scenario. Now we use this a lot of times because when I think of the worst case scenario, at least we're not there. Or you'll hear, even coaches saying, well, think of the worst case scenario. You can't. Now it could always be worse, but any scenario you come up with is not the worst case scenario because that doesn't exist. It's an idea. It's a concept. It's not a real case. And then why am I making a big deal about this? Because our thinking matters. And when you get the model, if you don't have a visual for the positivity model, please do yourself a favor, and you're welcome. I'm going to provide it to you for free. Just go to liveonpurposeradio.com/themodel, and you'll get a a full color PDF of what I'm referring to here. Referring to the model now, it is what it is, meaning your circumstance right now. It... It's who you are, where you are, who you're with, what you have, the way things are right now without changing anything. It is what it is. And in the model, what it is is put on a line, not a line segment. Okay. Now I'm geeking out here again about geometry in this case where I learned that a line has an arrow on both ends. A line has an arrow on both ends. What does that mean? It goes on infinitely. It doesn't end anywhere. And you'll see in the model, I've created it on purpose as a line, not a line segment. Now a line segment has a dot on each end of it. Meaning, it starts here. It ends there. When we think of our experience as a line segment, then there's a best. It's that dot over on the good end, and there's a worst. It's that dot over on the worst end. That's not how life rolls because no matter how good it is, you can always think of a way to make it better. Let's just check that and see if it's true. You think of the the best case scenario. Oh, well, the best case scenario would be I would get the job that I've always wanted with the salary that I've always wanted. Okay. Let's just take that and see if you can imagine anything better than that. Notice how quickly your mind can come up with better than that. Even the salary number you're thinking of, you add $1 to it. Oh, that's better in terms of income. Right? It could always be better. What about that worst case scenario? What was... What is the worst thing that could happen? It was interesting. I was talking to a student, a university student. Well, the worst thing would be that I would fail the test and and have to drop out of school. Oh, really? Can you think of anything that would make it even worse than that? Yeah. Like somebody shooting you in the face, and you failed. Okay. Now the... I went a little extreme. I got a little dark there, but it's because I want you to see this. And what you do with it after I illuminate this view is totally up to you. I'm not here to tell you how to think. I don't have that kind of authority. I want you to see that you are. And thinking in superlatives keeps humans trapped. It's the start that stops us. What if I gave you a task to come up with the very best possible invention. Okay. You're lost. There's no way to do that. What if I gave you an invitation to come up with a better mousetrap? Oh, what? See, even if you don't know how to engineer mousetraps, you can see that your brain is going to accept that as doable. Can I improve it? Yes. Can I innovate? Yes. Can I create something better than what it is? Yes. Check check doable. Can I come up with the best? No. And your brain knows that. Now I I get argument. I get resistance on this sometimes. Well, I just wanna do the best thing for my family. Well, good luck with that. What if you could simply do a better thing for your family? Oh, okay. See, now that's brain friendly. It's doable. It's interesting because sometimes we see that superlative as the goal, the best thing, or trying to avoid the worst thing. You can't do either of those because those things don't exist. It's it's like, here's another example just to help you wrap your head around this. If I gave you an assignment to run to the horizon, just as quick as you can, just run to the horizon and come on back. How would you do? Now immediately, your brain will suggest to you, oh, well, I can't because the horizon keeps moving. The horizon isn't moving. What's moving is your perception. The horizon is not a place. It's an idea. It's the way we describe our perception of where the sky meets the land. It's not a place. And because it's not a place, you can't go there. Similarly, best and worst are not places. They're ideas. If we keep them in that realm, I think it's helpful for us to look at this as better and worse, not best and worst. Now I'm getting picky about this because it matters, and it changes our energy in both evaluation and creation mode. This is what allows us to to take a brain friendly approach to whatever it is we're trying to accomplish with our family, with our work, in our mental health. And the pressure comes off. I hope you can feel that a little as you consider shifting your own vocabulary or your own focus to better and worse, not best and worst. This is powerful when you start to wrap your head around this. And our brains are infinite. K? Our mind is infinite. That's probably a better way to say it. There are no endpoints. We can always imagine something better and something worse. Now I'm going to throw you another bone because let's say that you've got five choices and you want to pick the best of the five. Alright. Now that's different. If you have a limited number of options, you can identify a best or a worst based on whatever criteria you're using. That could be useful. So instead of saying, well, I wanna do the best thing for my family, you add to that, I want to do the best thing of these two choices that I have in front of me. Even that implies that, well, what if there could be a third choice that's even better than the best choice on the table right now? So this coaching is for you to take control of your mind and stop dem... Demanding from yourself the best and instead choosing the better for for your goal, for moving forward. Well, I only have these two options. Really? Is that true? What if we were to combine a different one or to combine the option or to create a whole different option? We're not going for best. We're going for better. And if if you think you only have two options, then choose the best of the two and then realize that's not the best. It's this best, meaning of the options that are available to me. Then go create some other options because what's going to happen after you choose it? And this applies on the other side too. What if I choose the worst thing? Well, remember, it's only the worst of the two options or... However, you're limiting it limiting it in your head, and we just simply answer the what if. K? Well, what if what if I pick the wrong major as I get into the university? Okay. Well, let's answer that. There's no right or wrong majors, by the way. There can be better or worse for you. Well, what if you picked the worst one, the wrong one? Well, then you would realize that at some point, and you would reconfigure, and you would make a different choice. Wouldn't you? You'd switch majors. Well, what if it kills me? Which it won't in this case. But look at how your brain goes there. That would be the worst thing. No. It wouldn't be the worst thing. It would just be worse than the other option. Alright, my friend. As I get into this conversation with you, I realize I might be geeking out and totally going overboard with my psychological analysis of some little words that we throw around all the time, best, worst, better, worse. And at the risk of it being overwhelming, I would invite you to remember that you are in choice. And because you're in choice, you know, choice choice has a prerequisite, awareness. Awareness precedes choice. My job is to bring it to your awareness. What you do with it after that is totally up to you. If you're feeling a little confused at the conversation that we're having today, that's alright. Get ahold of the model. I think that's the next step. K? Make sure you have this model in your hands, the positivity model, which I am now famous for. I mean, I developed this model. It wasn't the plan. It was the lifeline. This is what saved my biscuits emotionally, relationally, and even professionally. Positivity wasn't the plan. It was the lifeline. You can go back a few episodes and listen to me sharing that origin story, but get the model into your hands. Once again, it's liveonpurposeradio.com, the name of the podcast, liveonpurposeradio.com/themodel. I'll put this right in your hands so that you can see visually what I'm talking about here. The the lights go on. When you realize what your mind is doing and because it's the start that stops us, when we simply shift our focus... And I say simply. I didn't say just. It's simple. Simple and easy aren't the same thing. As we shift our focus into that positivity vector, we realize it could always be better. It could always be worse. And then we get moving in a direction that brings about better outcomes for us, for our families, for our teams. And that is exciting because there's always more to do. Will you join me in that journey? We've we've talked about it. It's time to put it into action as we live these principles on purpose. Thanks for joining me today. 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