Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #10| How To Achieve A Truly Fulfilling Life by Reducing Overwhelm

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#10| How To Achieve A Truly Fulfilling Life by Reducing Overwhelm · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:04
  Michelle: Hey, Michelle Gauthier and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 0:09
  Michelle: Welcome to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 0:14
  Michelle: I'm so glad you're here Today.
• 0:16
  Michelle: I have a guest that I'm so excited to share with you.
• 0:19
  Michelle: It is my client and now friend, Kari Kaiser.
• 0:22
  Michelle: She is here today because I asked her to be on the show.
• 0:26
  Michelle: I think she is an excellent example for all the women listening today who are feeling stuck and overwhelmed.
• 0:32
  Michelle: A lot of times when people feel stuck, they feel like they need to completely overhaul their lives, change everything about them, get a new personality, and Kari is the perfect example of someone who didn't do that.
• 0:44
  Michelle: She feels so much better now.
• 0:45
  Michelle: I would say this is my words and I'm going to ask her all about this by becoming the most Kari that Kari could be - becoming, who she really, really is.
• 0:53
  Michelle: So that is why I'm excited to have her today.
• 0:55
  Michelle: So, Kari, can you just introduce yourself?
• 0:57
  Michelle: tell us a little bit about you, what you do, where you live, whatever you want to share.
• 1:02
  Kari: Sure, thank you so much, michelle, for having me.
• 1:04
  Kari: I'm super excited about this opportunity for you And I'm just so excited to get to share with folks what a difference coaching made in my life.
• 1:12
  Kari: I actually just had lunch with a friend yesterday and I had to stop myself because I was just rattling off about my coaching.
• 1:18
  Kari: I hadn't seen her in so long and I ended up stopping like, oh my gosh, i have gone on too long And still, even though we finished up my nine months of coaching several months ago, i still am so excited about it and I see it play out daily in my life.
• 1:30
  Kari: So, thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 1:32
  Kari: As you mentioned, my name is Kari Kaiser.
• 1:34
  Kari: I am in Billings, Montana.
• 1:35
  Kari: I'm a freelance graphic designer and have been doing that for about 20 years, so I've worked by myself, but not in a vacuum.
• 1:42
  Kari: Obviously.
• 1:44
  Kari: I was able to do that partly because I was married to someone who encouraged my solo efforts.
• 1:50
  Kari: I was able to remain flexible so that we could accommodate his schedule and travel and later welcome a child, and that has sort of been my journey.
• 2:00
  Kari: Was that my career kind of, and a lot of what I did as a person kind of morphed around my partner.
• 2:06
  Kari: That's kind of just the background of how I came to be where I am now.
• 2:10
  Kari: I grew up in a small town in central Montana.
• 2:13
  Kari: Now my family all lives here.
• 2:15
  Kari: We're very close.
• 2:16
  Kari: I have one son who's 11.
• 2:18
  Kari: And that is probably a nutshell.
• 2:23
  Michelle: Okay, perfect, perfect, and we're going to talk more about your business as we go along too, because her work is amazing.
• 2:29
  Michelle: She's very talented, so I want to make sure everybody can follow along with Kari, or if you're looking for a freelance graphic designer, she might be the one for you.
• 2:37
  Michelle: All right, well, thank you for that background.
• 2:40
  Michelle: I want to get started by just asking you where you were.
• 2:43
  Michelle: You did a great job setting up your background and your situation, but where were you when you thought I think I need a coach or I think I need something outside of me because I'm feeling what?
• 2:56
  Kari: Well, i will just share that.
• 2:57
  Kari: I have, since early adulthood, had some challenges with depression, anxiety, and so I had done quite a bit of therapy in the last 20 years and have definitely found that to be valuable in some scenarios.
• 3:10
  Kari: However, i feel like the last couple of times I engaged that type of work, i found what I was really looking for was hands-on tools for changing my habits, changing my attitude, and I just I think I was kind of looking around the place And then when my friend my other friend, carrie here at Billings, told me about you that you were having an online like one hour workshop and a lunch hour And it just took that It took like the first 10 minutes of the workshop and it just like getting traction, i thought, oh my gosh, this is what I've been looking for, this type of work, and I didn't.
• 3:46
  Kari: I don't think I had the language for it, i don't think I knew what coaching was.
• 3:49
  Kari: I don't and I'm sure there's so many different types of coaching, but, specific to what you do, i don't think I knew that that was available And that had been.
• 3:56
  Kari: What I was looking for is helping me plan my day, helping me think different thoughts, helping me view my how I invest my time and energy differently, and so I think I didn't know that I was looking for it until I discovered it, and then I thought, oh my gosh, this is.
• 4:12
  Kari: This is exactly what I've been needing, and trying to think of what I was.
• 4:16
  Kari: Was it 2020?
• 4:18
  Michelle: I was trying to think of that this morning.
• 4:19
  Michelle: I think it was.
• 4:20
  Michelle: I think it was like was it two years ago, three years ago, that we first met?
• 4:24
  Kari: Well, i know, a couple of things kind of came to fruition right at the same time.
• 4:27
  Kari: So I was in the midst of uncoupling, still living up platonically with my spouse, and then he moved out And about three weeks later the world kind of shut down for COVID And I knew that I was getting divorced And, as I mentioned in the intro, that my career had always sort of been like a support role, like it was kind of like the dessert on the table, like we were in which cater our lives to my husband's career, and I knew that that, that that was ending and that I was going to have to make my own living entirely.
• 4:57
  Kari: And that was really scary for me.
• 4:59
  Kari: I mean, it was.
• 4:59
  Kari: I was terrified.
• 5:00
  Kari: So I knew that I was sort of facing this economic cliff.
• 5:04
  Kari: I was going to be divorced, my son was going to be with me part time And there was a pandemic going on And we had all this alone time.
• 5:13
  Kari: I was 45 years old And to me that felt very much like, i mean, it is middle age for most people, right, if we're lucky, that's, you know.
• 5:21
  Kari: Yeah, we hope so.
• 5:22
  Kari: Yeah, you played the first half of the game And I just thought, yeah, i've got a whole other half to go.
• 5:26
  Kari: And and I'm at this turning point, i just felt like all these things were saying you know, you've got another half yet to play.
• 5:33
  Kari: Do you want to play by the same rules, the same playbook as the first half?
• 5:36
  Kari: And I just really felt like no, this is an opportunity to do things differently.
• 5:41
  Kari: And it's kind of a funny story.
• 5:43
  Kari: But my ex-husband had gotten a bunch of cash when everything shut down because he just was unsure about what's going to happen with banking.
• 5:51
  Kari: So he brought me we were still sharing money at that time he brought me all this cash and I was very worried about what I would, you know, like, oh gosh, what if my house burns down?
• 6:00
  Kari: like, and I've got this cash, so I buried it in my garden, which my sister thinks is so ridiculous.
• 6:05
  Kari: But I was like well, i don't have a safe, i don't have a safe.
• 6:07
  Kari: So I put it in a Tupperware inside a plastic bag, buried in my garden, and it was there for like nine months or something.
• 6:15
  Kari: And then my sister said oh my God, dig that up, give it to me, i'll put it in my safe.
• 6:19
  Kari: So, but as time went on, i just forgot that that was there, and then I discovered this opportunity to do coaching, and the amount that I had buried in my garden was almost the exact amount that I would need for this investment.
• 6:31
  Michelle: Which is so amazing.
• 6:33
  Michelle: I was really hoping you would tell that story.
• 6:36
  Kari: Well it's.
• 6:37
  Kari: You know, i was like, who do I tell it or not?
• 6:39
  Kari: You can always edited out.
• 6:40
  Kari: But to me it just like I think in the last couple of years I've learned to like look more at I don't know, just like the universe, giving you these little nudges And I think, just because again of like my you know fear of what was happening with my finances, my economic outlook, i don't know if I hadn't had that money sitting there, i don't know that I would have had the courage to make the investment, scraping it to myself myself, looking back, knowing what I've gotten out of it, i would say, absolutely, this is money we'll spend, do it.
• 7:12
  Kari: But at the time I think it's everything just kind of fell into place And I've told you before, but I just agonize over every decision and especially big financial decisions buying a car It took me three months to buy a Subaru And so I just thought that it felt really right.
• 7:28
  Kari: When I made my investment, when I paid the money, I felt light in my heart, i did not feel at all anxious And it just, i don't know, it just was like the one of the beginning steps of it all feeling really right for me.
• 7:42
  Michelle: I love that And thank you for sharing that, because I think something that a lot of people don't want to talk about is investing in themselves and making the decision to actually pay for a coach or pay to work with me specifically.
• 7:54
  Michelle: It is kind of scary, and if you're a person who is not used to putting yourself first in your life, the idea of paying money to improve yourself just kind of feels I don't know iffy at best for most people.
• 8:07
  Michelle: So I'm so glad that the universe gave you that little nudge And then I feel like you had the time to realize okay, yeah, that was totally worth it.
• 8:16
  Kari: Yeah, and I've said it before, but my thought at the time and it's still, you know, even though I've changed my thoughts a lot about a lot of things the last nine months or year, i think it was a pretty good one was that this is an investment myself And the other things I could have done with that money remodeled my bathrooms, gone on some great vacations, you know, upgraded my vehicle, whatever My thought was this that if I invest in this, if Michelle can get me where she says she can, i will be able to update my bathrooms, take the good vacations, upgrade my vehicle Yeah, it seemed like, if I'm not worthy of the investment, you know what is like this is, yeah, that's such a great approach.
• 8:55
  Kari: So that's sort of how the pieces came into place and it just felt right to do it, and so I was just, i think, before the coaching.
• 9:03
  Kari: I think what made me look for it is again like I was.
• 9:06
  Kari: I was kind of aimless.
• 9:07
  Kari: I mean, i worked for myself and I think I've always really embraced the freedom of that and not really having scheduled like office at my house, that people don't know when I work, where I work, how I work, and I think I've always sort of embraced that, but I also kind of came to learn that that wasn't really serving me.
• 9:24
  Kari: So I was feeling kind of aimless, i was scared, i was unsure of my ability to provide for myself.
• 9:29
  Kari: I think I also was worried about other people.
• 9:32
  Kari: What other people were thinking, you know, like, oh, is she going to get a quote, real job?
• 9:36
  Kari: And I have people say that to me like, please, just go get a job or something like talking to some big agency or go in house for the hospital or something, yeah.
• 9:46
  Kari: So there were these outside voices saying I can't do it.
• 9:49
  Kari: And the loudest one was probably my inside voice saying you can't do it.
• 9:52
  Kari: I had a lot of guilt about the ways that I showed up or thought that I wasn't showing up for my son, for my family, for my clients, for myself.
• 10:02
  Kari: So there was just a lot of I mean I was making it, i was if things were fine.
• 10:07
  Kari: I didn't like that word fine, it's fine.
• 10:09
  Kari: Yeah, i just thought I just want to settle for fine.
• 10:12
  Michelle: Yeah, i must have had a little bit of a belief that it could be different and it could be better.
• 10:18
  Kari: Yes, yeah, and I think I think, connecting with some of the women on your initial workshop, it was like, oh, i'm not alone, other people are struggling with this, other people are feeling like they're failing, all over the place.
• 10:29
  Kari: Other other lives are messy and they're not neat and tidy.
• 10:33
  Kari: People don't have it figured out And it was like, okay, but there are people that are excited about doing this work.
• 10:39
  Michelle: So that's how I came into this Good And, as you know, i do coaching for a minimum of six months.
• 10:45
  Michelle: You and I actually worked together for nine months And I don't ever want to give the impression that if you come and coach with me and talk to me one time you'll feel so much better.
• 10:54
  Michelle: But it starts at the beginning, where usually people say I started feeling better right away And then it takes a while to make those new habits that you've created into a solid habit where that's your new.
• 11:09
  Michelle: Like you said you were talking all about coaching with your friend the other day because now it's just part of your life, like the things that you changed are part of your life.
• 11:16
  Michelle: But if we start at the beginning, can you remember any moments at the very start where you thought oh my gosh, i feel better just now that I understand this or I'm going to give myself permission to do that.
• 11:27
  Michelle: Was there anything you can remember from the get go that you started feeling better?
• 11:31
  Kari: I think one thing that it was encouraging is just knowing that there could be a solution out there Again, like having language for like oh, there are things that I can change.
• 11:40
  Kari: I'm not still stuck Setting, just initially starting to believe that change was possible.
• 11:47
  Kari: Like that was exciting.
• 11:48
  Kari: I think also just really really small successes, like the fact that we talked about my work day and how I was doing.
• 11:56
  Kari: I don't think I acknowledged the amount of emotional energy that went into planning my day every day and planning the same tasks every damn day, like when am I going to start work?
• 12:05
  Kari: When am I going to go to the grocery store?
• 12:07
  Kari: When am I going to exercise?
• 12:08
  Kari: When am I going to make those phone calls?
• 12:10
  Kari: When am I going to fold the laundry?
• 12:11
  Kari: Whatever I just I was doing that work every day and that was one of the earliest, probably most important, lessons that I use on a daily was like you don't have to keep doing that work, set it and forget it.
• 12:25
  Kari: It like really it sounds so silly, but just knowing that 9 am is when I get into my office every day, it's like setting down a really heavy backpack.
• 12:33
  Kari: I don't have to plan for the day like that anymore.
• 12:35
  Kari: I started to try to implement that in other places, but that, i think, was one of the earliest successes for me.
• 12:41
  Kari: Looking at the decisions that I make and how much energy, i think we tend to think that we don't realize how much work is involved in deciding and processing thoughts.
• 12:51
  Michelle: Yes, how much of our tiredness comes from thinking like making that decision many times in a week of what time am I going to go to work today?
• 13:00
  Michelle: I think the other thing that you realized about yourself please tell me if I'm wrong, i don't want to speak for you, but that just made me think of this is that you don't want a job where somebody tells you to be to work at 9, but you want to have 9 be your schedule because it works for you.
• 13:17
  Michelle: But you also want the flexibility to decide.
• 13:19
  Michelle: Actually, today, i'm going to go out to breakfast with my mom and dad and I'll get to work at 10, and that's fine.
• 13:23
  Michelle: So I think it's interesting and especially, i think this will resonate with creative people and that you want the freedom to do what you want to do.
• 13:32
  Michelle: But there is need for some structure.
• 13:34
  Michelle: Like some amount of structure works for you, and I felt like, as we were coaching, you discovered and accepted that like, oh yes, some structure actually does work for me.
• 13:43
  Michelle: Would you agree?
• 13:44
  Kari: Yes, absolutely.
• 13:45
  Kari: I think I was viewing it as.
• 13:46
  Kari: I think the narrative in my head was always like oh, you love ultimate freedom.
• 13:50
  Kari: That's why you chose this.
• 13:51
  Kari: You know that you don't like to have any boundaries.
• 13:53
  Kari: I mean not that no boundaries, but like I think I was viewing any sort of limitations or structure as kind of negative.
• 14:01
  Kari: And then we're like well, i can have both.
• 14:03
  Kari: And I don't know if there's dog.
• 14:05
  Kari: Obviously there's many people who are dog lovers out there, but one thing I learned about raising a puppy is that they actually like to have boundaries.
• 14:12
  Kari: They like to have a program.
• 14:13
  Kari: You know when it's, you know they're in their crate or they're in a yard.
• 14:17
  Kari: But I often tell people it's like I like to have a yard, i like to have fence.
• 14:21
  Kari: It's a big yard, but I like to have a fence and make me feel more secure instead of just being wandering aimlessly like no structure.
• 14:29
  Kari: And I think that was really such a gift to discover that too, that, oh, you can have freedom within your own set, like you can set the fence posts.
• 14:40
  Michelle: Yeah, like you made the fence and then you can open the door and go outside the fence anytime you want, but at least you know the fence is there and there's some safety in there.
• 14:50
  Kari: Yeah, i think it's more like security and again just letting go of making the same decisions again and again, and again.
• 14:55
  Kari: So that has been super helpful.
• 14:59
  Michelle: Okay, what are some of the other things we worked on during coaching that you felt like were very impactful?
• 15:05
  Kari: I think, a huge one.
• 15:06
  Kari: Like, one of the reasons that I wanted to do the coaching was my fear of, like, not being able to make it economically, and so I think a couple of things that were really meaningful.
• 15:16
  Kari: Is that just believing that the universe wants to give me what I asked for?
• 15:21
  Kari: Like, if I'm clear about what it is that I want, that there's no reason that I can't have it?
• 15:27
  Kari: I mean, there's I don't necessarily, you know, i grip around with some really lovely people my parents, my family, always really hardworking people, access services or love language But there's very much a message that you know, everything that you get, you have to super, super grateful for it, which is great.
• 15:46
  Kari: I'm all about gratitude but also that everything has to be earned and you have to strive for it, and it doesn't come without some pain.
• 15:53
  Kari: And so I think I sort of learned to believe that why couldn't I have a job I love and a lifestyle I enjoy, like I don't have to have all the other?
• 16:01
  Kari: I think I assumed, oh, in order to have a lifestyle I enjoy, it has to be absolutely hell.
• 16:05
  Kari: I mean, i'm going to have to work every moment and it's going to have.
• 16:11
  Kari: That was what division was in the head, but I couldn't have this without that, and so I think once I kind of let go of that and try, well, i could.
• 16:19
  Kari: You know, i don't necessarily have to p;ay by those rules.
• 16:21
  Kari: It might.
• 16:21
  Kari: That might be hot and stuff, but I could just believe in a vision that it could be different, that I could enjoy my work, i could choose when and where to do it, i could choose which work to do, and if I'm like in that joyful space where I feel good about the work I do, then I'm probably going to do better work which is going to attract the clients that I want.
• 16:40
  Kari: I'm going to be able to earn a living that I you know and support, a lifestyle I enjoy.
• 16:45
  Michelle: So Yeah, yeah.
• 16:46
  Michelle: It's a happy cycle where you do what you want and what's best for you and what's so rewarding, and then you make money, and when you do that, more people want to work with you And it's just a whole cycle that happens.
• 16:57
  Michelle: That's so good, and I think it's good that you talk about your background and what you grew up with, because when we invested at gate that kind of stuff, we're never looking to blame or, you know, have any shame for the people who taught us those things, whether they did it consciously or unconsciously.
• 17:13
  Michelle: It's just important to recognize where you're coming from, and I, i too, had to struggle through.
• 17:19
  Michelle: When I first started my own business and I loved my job.
• 17:22
  Michelle: I sort of had that same thought of either I can make a lot of money and not like my job, or not make very much money and love my job, but there's no reason you can't do both those things at the same time.
• 17:33
  Michelle: It's just an old thought that made me feel like, well, i can, definitely.
• 17:38
  Michelle: I have a history of being able to be very successful, but I can't actually like it.
• 17:42
  Michelle: Yes, that is, it's just not true.
• 17:44
  Michelle: So how did that work out for you?
• 17:46
  Michelle: How did doing those changes and starting to think in a new way and take new actions, specifically with the money.
• 17:52
  Michelle: How did that work out?
• 17:53
  Kari: Well a really important piece of it, because I'm a freelance designer and I usually give my my clients an estimate And I think I was, without really realizing it, i was making up their story in my head and I work with a lot of nonprofits and by their very name, i assume they have no money.
• 18:12
  Kari: There's no way they can pay me.
• 18:13
  Kari: I have to be the bargain designer, i have to give everyone a discount.
• 18:17
  Kari: I can't charge the full amount that it's going to take.
• 18:19
  Kari: So that was a thought.
• 18:21
  Kari: I also know about myself that I that I don't really do a quote good enough, like if it's even to have up against the budget and I don't like it, i'll keep working and then I'll just write it off, because I was like, well, i can't present them something that I don't love, that I'm so proud of.
• 18:36
  Kari: So I was always just taken in shorts because I didn't feel like I could charge the amount that it really took for me to do my best work, but I was putting myself at the bottom of who needs to be.
• 18:48
  Michelle: Yeah, it was going to take the cost.
• 18:50
  Michelle: It's going to be you.
• 18:52
  Kari: But there was this kind of this aha moment when I had a nonprofit client needed a website and I was like I can maybe do it for like this much.
• 19:01
  Kari: And they said, well, we just, you know, we have.
• 19:03
  Kari: Whatever figure it was was about five times as much as I was going to squeeze.
• 19:07
  Kari: I was going to say like, oh, i can do it for $1,000.
• 19:09
  Kari: I was like, well, i budget's five, i hope you can do it for that.
• 19:11
  Kari: I was like, holy shit, i can absolutely Well, and it's not like I'm going to take all that.
• 19:18
  Kari: But I just thought, oh my gosh, i've been telling myself that most of my clients who are regional and local nonprofits or places that exist on grants and donations, that they don't have any money to spend.
• 19:29
  Kari: And I was like, oh my gosh, i don't know, and told me that I made that story my own head And I've been doing business that way.
• 19:36
  Kari: I've been doing business that way, underbidding everything and taking it to the shorts for years because I thought they couldn't pay.
• 19:42
  Kari: They didn't say they couldn't pay, i don't have the money Right.
• 19:46
  Kari: And so I think once I like we talked about, well, what would happen if you present the investment and it was too high, they can't afford it.
• 19:52
  Kari: I'm like, well, i guess that's kind of how life works right, that I don't go to my favorite outdoor store and say I'd really like that set of skis.
• 20:01
  Kari: I see that they're $700.
• 20:02
  Kari: Can I have them for four?
• 20:04
  Kari: Like that's just not the way the world works right.
• 20:07
  Kari: And I don't have to be the bargain designer.
• 20:10
  Kari: I don't have to be affordable for everyone.
• 20:12
  Kari: I mean, is it an option for me to do work for a vulnerable or a discount?
• 20:16
  Kari: Absolutely.
• 20:17
  Kari: But I don't have to operate from a place of feeling like their scarcity, or perceived scarcity, means that I have to do work at well below the going rate for a designer.
• 20:28
  Kari: So I think, just realizing that I don't necessarily know anyone else's financial story and it's not really my business, my business is to present to them what I can do for you, here's a fair price.
• 20:40
  Kari: Is this workable?
• 20:41
  Kari: If it is, let's go for it.
• 20:43
  Michelle: Yep, that's so awesome, and I think, too, it's really important to note that one thing that you were not willing to give on was always creating your best product, so you weren't willing to compromise on what you're putting out, and so when you're giving people the price, they can know that they will be getting your best work.
• 21:02
  Michelle: So I think that helped you feel good about it, too, just knowing you're not going to throw something together ever.
• 21:08
  Michelle: You're going to spend the amount of time that's required to make a beautiful design that you feel good about, yes, and you're just charging accordingly, yes, and so one of the sticky notes that I have in my office, and there are several, but it just says I desire to create quality work that attracts those who need it.
• 21:22
  Kari: Yes, so I just I think it's something that we kind of worked through together and it seems to fit.
• 21:28
  Kari: But I think by producing quality work, i hope that people will equate when they see my work, that they'll know like, oh, this is, this is generally what we can expect from her.
• 21:37
  Kari: And and I do feel like putting my best stuff out there, i don't know it, just it feels good to do good work, i feel proud of it And and then I do think it attracts people who want something similar.
• 21:48
  Kari: Absolutely, i agree, and also, just, you know, believing that those folks are out there.
• 21:53
  Kari: We talked, you know, about my ideal clients and while I still mostly work on referrals, i've been super lucky not to do a lot of marketing.
• 22:02
  Kari: It was, i think, a really good exercise to think through what do I want to do?
• 22:07
  Kari: What makes a project fulfilling?
• 22:09
  Kari: When do I feel flow?
• 22:11
  Kari: What types of work?
• 22:12
  Kari: Where do I find that flow?
• 22:13
  Kari: As I continue to get clients, i've been able to stop and think is this work I really want to do?
• 22:19
  Kari: Do I feel good about this?
• 22:21
  Kari: Do I feel like I can bring my best self to this project?
• 22:23
  Kari: Is it worthwhile for them and for me?
• 22:25
  Kari: That has been a good exercise to go through?
• 22:31
  Michelle: Yeah, that's great.
• 22:32
  Michelle: Okay, is there anything else that you want to talk about that we worked on during coaching?
• 22:36
  Michelle: Any non-businessy things that you felt like had an impact?
• 22:40
  Kari: Yeah, there's one that comes up frequently, but we were talking about how I make decisions and how I respond to things.
• 22:49
  Kari: I think what brought it up was probably more of an interpersonal interaction.
• 22:53
  Kari: I think it was probably in dealing with my ex-husband.
• 22:56
  Kari: Actually, he and I have a really lovely relationship.
• 22:58
  Kari: I mean 90 percent.
• 22:59
  Kari: It's an A minus.
• 23:01
  Kari: There's always a few bumps, but we're just so lucky that we're no longer married but we're still family, we're still friends, but there are bumps in the road.
• 23:09
  Kari: I think there was some interaction that had me really shaken.
• 23:11
  Kari: We talked it through and you pointed out to me that I think your words were the power is in the pause, like for you.
• 23:19
  Kari: The power is in the pause For me.
• 23:21
  Kari: You were saying it to me.
• 23:23
  Kari: It's really helpful for me to acknowledge that in most situations you really don't have to respond right away.
• 23:30
  Kari: I feel best about the way I deal with people, whether it's interpersonal relationships or clients or whatever if I give myself time to really think about it.
• 23:39
  Kari: Sometimes that means I draft the email and I don't send it, or I go through a conversation in my head and I wait.
• 23:45
  Kari: Then I think that I'm happier with my reaction and it feels truer to me if I really take time to let the dust settle, like whatever situation has my feathers ruffled, if I just think about it, think again, sleep on it.
• 24:01
  Kari: I'm learning to honor that need to pause and they don't have to make a decision about something right away, whether that's someone asking you to volunteer for something, an uncomfortable interaction, someone to give myself time to think about it and realize what is the real carry in your want to do, what to do?
• 24:23
  Michelle: Yeah, i will say through coaching lots and lots of people, i have noticed that more people than that I would say most people prefer that pause.
• 24:32
  Michelle: But just the society we're in right now, where everything's so instantaneous you get a text and you feel like you immediately need to respond to the text, or somebody calls and asks you to do something.
• 24:40
  Michelle: You need to say yes or no, right on that thing.
• 24:43
  Michelle: Most of us, i think, could really serve ourselves if we did what you're doing and just take the pause.
• 24:50
  Michelle: But it's fine to do that.
• 24:51
  Michelle: We just have to give ourselves permission and think about that.
• 24:54
  Michelle: As a receiver, i would much more appreciate somebody saying I'll get back to you, i just want to think about it, than somebody saying yes when they actually need no.
• 25:02
  Michelle: Yeah, it makes more sense to pause.
• 25:05
  Kari: Another thing that's not so business related, although it could spill over into that realm, but this idea that other people will have a thought While I'm still working through in my head how obligated are we to?
• 25:19
  Kari: yeah, what is my obligation to?
• 25:21
  Kari: I don't want to say safeguard, i mean, people's feelings are their own, but, yeah, we don't live in a vacuum.
• 25:26
  Kari: My actions can affect people and cause them to have a feeling.
• 25:32
  Kari: Of course, i'm a really conscientious person and I really try not to, and I try to be considerate and I try to be thoughtful, and not necessarily, but, and I also feel like I am at a point in my life where I'm okay with also putting my own thoughts and feelings at, not necessarily ahead of someone else's, but at least a lot in the level playing field.
• 25:55
  Michelle: Yes, yes, at least they get into the equation.
• 25:58
  Michelle: What do I want to do?
• 26:00
  Kari: Yeah, i think, especially women and super, especially mothers, super, especially women.
• 26:05
  Kari: It is now.
• 26:06
  Kari: Yes, yes, it is Super.
• 26:08
  Kari: Especially moms, i think, tend to put our own needs and desires behind everything else, like, as soon as everything else is done, i'll take care of myself.
• 26:15
  Kari: As soon as everyone else has been served, i'll relax and do what I want to do.
• 26:19
  Kari: I felt like I'm done.
• 26:22
  Kari: Doing that.
• 26:23
  Kari: It doesn't mean that I'm being selfish If it means that I say, oh, thank you so much for the invitation.
• 26:29
  Kari: I'm just honest about what it is I need.
• 26:31
  Kari: I used to say I really need some downtime tonight and I'm going to take a pass, but I appreciate it.
• 26:37
  Kari: I don't really allow myself as often to do the things that I don't want to do.
• 26:42
  Kari: Certainly it doesn't mean I don't have any obligations.
• 26:46
  Kari: It doesn't mean I don't do things that I would really rather not Like.
• 26:50
  Kari: There's stuff you have to do.
• 26:51
  Kari: You've got to get some groceries, you've got bills, there's things you have to do but there's a lot of life that you don't have to say yes to.
• 26:57
  Kari: I think just being honest about that this is about me and what I need and what I feel, and not putting it on someone else has been really powerful for me.
• 27:07
  Michelle: That is fantastic.
• 27:08
  Michelle: I'm glad that you said it that way, because what we're not trying to say here is that you will learn to put yourself first.
• 27:15
  Michelle: You will do it without any stress.
• 27:17
  Michelle: You will never have to think about anybody else again.
• 27:19
  Michelle: The way that you're saying it is.
• 27:21
  Michelle: I'm so much better now at saying no and I'm much more likely to consider what I would want to do.
• 27:27
  Michelle: I love the example of I actually need some downtime tonight.
• 27:31
  Michelle: Instead of being like I can't do that thing with you because I have 17 other things that I'm doing at that same time, it's okay just to say I actually just don't want to do anything tonight.
• 27:39
  Michelle: I'd rather just stay home.
• 27:40
  Michelle: That is so powerful.
• 27:42
  Kari: Yeah, i think sometimes we assume that everybody really wants us there, or they want us, that they need our help or that, and I think sometimes, like maybe they'd rather that you're not.
• 27:55
  Michelle: Since we can never know.
• 27:57
  Michelle: So just thinking that they need us there is making up a story.
• 28:00
  Michelle: Thinking that they don't want us there.
• 28:02
  Michelle: We're making up a story.
• 28:03
  Michelle: Since we don't know, we just have to go with what's good for us.
• 28:07
  Kari: Definitely as a person who's backed on the single scene, spending time thinking about what other people may or may not be thinking is a fool's errand.
• 28:16
  Kari: I have to walk that back all the time like, well, maybe he doesn't want to get me, maybe he does, maybe I'm like you don't know, Yeah.
• 28:24
  Kari: So either ask upfront, use your words and ask if you really are curious, or just go about your life doing you know, being you, Yeah, And let the chips fall where they may, but you don't spend your time wondering what some dude or other people are thinking If you really want to know us, otherwise move on.
• 28:46
  Michelle: Yes, i totally agree.
• 28:47
  Michelle: It is not worth the time that it takes in your head to worry about those things at all.
• 28:52
  Michelle: The good thing is when you've done the work to be your fullest self.
• 28:56
  Michelle: Like I said at the beginning, you're not willing to change that anyway.
• 29:00
  Michelle: So if they don't like it, okay great.
• 29:02
  Michelle: We're not a great match.
• 29:03
  Michelle: I'm not going to try to accommodate what I think you might be thinking by being someone different than I am.
• 29:08
  Kari: That reminds me of a couple when I met you and we kind of started chatting and referred different books and podcasts to me.
• 29:14
  Kari: There's a few that have really resonated with me And, oh, gabby Bernstein, gabrielle Bernstein, and then, like Pam Grout, but I think it was Gabby Bernstein who was talking about.
• 29:24
  Kari: You know, when you ask the universe or something, say what I desire or something better.
• 29:28
  Kari: You know, i welcome, you know, influence in giving me what it is that I desire or something better, and sometimes I think, whether it's a job or a relationship or something that we desire that and it doesn't come to fruition, that there might be something better.
• 29:43
  Kari: And I think that that's what I have to believe in this dating desert in Billings that there will be something better for me out there, and that the fact that I'm not like, that nothing's showing up right now, is okay And that I'm going to wait until something wonderful comes my way.
• 30:01
  Michelle: Yeah, it's worth it.
• 30:02
  Kari: And then I'll have that desperate energy again, whether whatever it is that you want, like to just assume that there's something, something good out there, or when, when things don't go your way and you're broken heart.
• 30:11
  Kari: And it reminds me of my.
• 30:12
  Kari: My grandpa told me once when I had my heart broken for one, of the one of the first times I like what was I like 18, 19, something like that.
• 30:21
  Kari: And he told me about being in Europe.
• 30:24
  Kari: He was in the Air Force in the 40s and he'd fallen love with this German girl.
• 30:28
  Kari: He thought she was going to move to the States and they would be married and he was smitten with her.
• 30:32
  Kari: And when she broke it off, he was absolutely heartbroken And you know he's hugging me as I'm weeping and he said but if she would have broken my heart, i never would have met your grandmother.
• 30:41
  Kari: And I was just like oh, i love that so much.
• 30:44
  Kari: Sometimes an opportunity like it breaks your heart.
• 30:46
  Kari: Whatever it is that you want doesn't come to fruition and that something better is around the corner.
• 30:51
  Kari: And I don't think that's always, always the case, but I don't think it hurts to believe it.
• 30:56
  Michelle: I agree It doesn't hurt to think that thought and to believe that something better is coming, And I feel like there's always something good that comes out of a terrible, heartbreaking situation, Even if it's not, oh, you met someone better, there's just you had an opportunity or you know something else.
• 31:13
  Michelle: Good happens, I think, all the time from those lessons that we learn.
• 31:17
  Kari: Yeah, and I think if you're looking for it like you have to be Yeah exactly So.
• 31:23
  Michelle: Do you have a favorite tool or something that you learned during coaching that you find yourself still using or that you liked a lot?
• 31:32
  Michelle: If you had to say, like your one favorite thing, that's a tough one.
• 31:36
  Kari: I think, something that probably well, there's so many things I use on a daily, but I think at one time you said I just, you know, i just need to be me and like that these goodness will flow.
• 31:49
  Kari: And I think and I think it was things that you said to me also, gabby, pam, some of the things I've read just this idea of having a certain energy about life and that, even when things feel kind of shitty, that you can choose your thought about it and you can kind of choose to try to raise your energy, your energy level, and to put out love and optimism, even when it seems inappropriate for the situation, when it seems like this is this the dumps, but that you really get to choose.
• 32:20
  Kari: You get to choose your thought and you can choose again.
• 32:24
  Kari: I feel like people who know me over the last year probably would say that I'm more optimistic, i'm happier, and some of that is just choosing to look for that in my life, like choosing to look for what's good.
• 32:39
  Kari: One of the things that you did in the first workshop I took was what are the not problems?
• 32:43
  Kari: And like so okay, what are we here for?
• 32:46
  Kari: Everyone's a solid problem.
• 32:47
  Kari: We've got something we need to do, but okay, that's great, we'll work on that.
• 32:50
  Kari: But what are the not problems?
• 32:52
  Kari: I think to stop and look at what's going right in my life has been a really important tool, and then I do on the daily.
• 32:58
  Kari: You've got me started on this morning routine and one of the things that I do is like what's the evidence that it's working?
• 33:03
  Kari: What are some things I'm grateful for?
• 33:05
  Kari: What do I like about myself?
• 33:06
  Kari: And I think sometimes, just in this world where we are bombarded with all the horror in the world, all the sadness, that to stop and look around you at all the things that are beautiful and that are right and bright, the world, it's not being a Pollyanna.
• 33:20
  Kari: I've still got my head out there.
• 33:22
  Kari: I know what's going on, but this is what I'm choosing to look for And this is what I'm choosing to focus on.
• 33:27
  Kari: It's not being unaware of the other, but this is what I'm choosing to focus on And I feel like it's made me a brighter, happier person.
• 33:33
  Michelle: Yeah, i think that's such an amazing example because it's so empowering.
• 33:37
  Michelle: The world hasn't changed, but your outlook on it has changed, which makes you shining more brightly, which you shine on your son and your friends and your family and your clients and everybody around you.
• 33:51
  Michelle: And I think that's just so powerful because, on one hand, when people coach with me, they usually say so I'm just creating all this misery with my own thoughts and my own actions, and it's like, yes, but that's good news because you don't have to do it.
• 34:04
  Michelle: Like you said, you can just choose a new thought, choose a new action, and it takes a minute.
• 34:09
  Michelle: It's not like you do that for five minutes and then you're all feeling better.
• 34:13
  Michelle: But with just weekly work and small changes, you can change the way that you're living your whole life And you've done an amazing job of doing that.
• 34:22
  Michelle: So in the end, i just want to point out that sometimes people come to me and say, well, i'm really unhappy with my work and I'm really unhappy in my marriage and I feel like I'm being a terrible mom, and in the end they don't change any of those situations in the sense of like you didn't go get a job because somebody else wanted you to get a job.
• 34:40
  Michelle: You stayed with what felt like your true calling, but you changed the way that you think about it and why you approach it so that it's so much more enjoyable.
• 34:48
  Michelle: So if I were to say, how does your life feel now versus before you started coaching?
• 34:54
  Michelle: what would you say?
• 34:54
  Michelle: What are some of the just the different feelings and maybe some results that you've seen?
• 35:00
  Kari: Sure, I noticed the difference in, i think, in my mood.
• 35:04
  Kari: I actually, after being on a very low lexapro dose for about 20 years, have weaned myself off that and so far, so good.
• 35:14
  Kari: It's just like a little experiment, just because I think so much of why I needed that was the anxiety and care around, not like what am I going to do, how am I going to function, how am I going to know, you know, how am I going to show up for my kid, all that stuff.
• 35:28
  Kari: So that's kind of interesting.
• 35:30
  Kari: I was like, oh, i wonder if I would have, if I would be in this place where it feels safe to try that, knowing I can always go back home if I need to.
• 35:36
  Kari: But but at this moment I feel safe to try that.
• 35:39
  Kari: I Feel much like I've got more direction.
• 35:43
  Kari: I have more clients than I.
• 35:45
  Kari: Well, i have, i have plenty.
• 35:47
  Kari: I'll just say that like I don't, want anyone out there like I got more than I can service.
• 35:51
  Kari: But then I am getting confused.
• 35:53
  Kari: There is definitely gonna be work I can't take on because I don't have the time and sometimes I can, but I think the abundance, like every day, i my mantra that I say is I'm together with universe and my clients and building a successful design business that supports a lifestyle Enjoy.
• 36:09
  Kari: And I look around my room and sound silly but I say that is what is happening.
• 36:12
  Kari: And I look at my cat's, look at the sunshine and I look at my planet.
• 36:16
  Kari: I say just, i think to put myself in this space, like to make sure I'm quickly grounded in this space, i say that is what's happening, that's what's going on here And I just believe it.
• 36:24
  Kari: And then when I went to my taxes done, i was happy report that increased my income of 50% over last year and I, you know, i, you helped me.
• 36:33
  Kari: It encouraged me to put some Practices in place, like I now do electronic time records, which so at a glance I can see how much they work.
• 36:43
  Kari: Today I have a billable hour goal that keeps me on track.
• 36:46
  Kari: I feel like again that those are like my little fence, my little you know my fence.
• 36:51
  Kari: I kind of know where I need to be And within that, i've got some freedom.
• 36:53
  Kari: So I'm feeling much more calmed about my economic outlook.
• 36:59
  Kari: I feel really good about the work I'm doing.
• 37:02
  Kari: I feel like I'm spending my time and Money more intentionally on things that really that I really value.
• 37:08
  Kari: I took some after not traveling for a couple years, probably because of COVID, but also because I was terrified that I couldn't afford anything.
• 37:15
  Kari: Mm-hmm, i learned to trust myself.
• 37:17
  Kari: It's still tricky, but I'm learning to trust myself to spend money in some ways that I really value.
• 37:22
  Kari: Like I love to travel And I recently took my son to Mexico, which was a huge undertaking But I leaned into it.
• 37:30
  Kari: So I'm gonna do this and it hasn't broken me.
• 37:33
  Kari: I'm still on track.
• 37:35
  Kari: We've got some other little trips planned, so I just I feel like I'm expecting it to work out instead of Fearing that there's no way I can have this lifestyle that I want.
• 37:43
  Kari: There's just no way.
• 37:44
  Kari: Like I think, why not?
• 37:46
  Kari: I guess is that is the theory and I and I know I'm learning to trust that.
• 37:50
  Kari: You know, if I get out there and I mean, i've never been a person to be particularly impulsive, but you know, i just have to trust that I will keep the wheels on the bus and that I can have some fun.
• 38:01
  Kari: Well to me.
• 38:02
  Kari: So I mean I've well, i've, more than paid Myself back for the investment in coaching that has come up back to me several times over and I think it will continue to do So, and that's just the financial part of it, i mean right, right.
• 38:16
  Michelle: Not even the best part, at least in my experience.
• 38:19
  Kari: I think that the financial part was a big part of what led me to wanting to coach with you is because I was so Scared that I was gonna fail.
• 38:25
  Kari: Yeah, but the lessons I've learned have certainly spilled over, and you know my daily life every single.
• 38:31
  Michelle: That is wonderful, Oh my gosh.
• 38:32
  Michelle: Thank you so much for sharing.
• 38:33
  Michelle: No one can see how big I'm smiling right now, but it's true I am.
• 38:36
  Michelle: Is there anything else you want to share that I haven't asked you about?
• 38:41
  Michelle: Well?
• 38:43
  Kari: I will say because I've heard it.
• 38:44
  Kari: I you know a couple of friends that I've mentioned this to Feel like they need to have Everything put in order before that they hire a coach.
• 38:52
  Kari: I just want to say this is not your tax prepare.
• 38:54
  Kari: I mean you have to prepare for that.
• 38:56
  Kari: You don't have to like I didn't have to do anything to show up for my coaching and I mean there might be something I was supposed to think about during the week But I didn't have a long list of homework.
• 39:07
  Kari: I think I was afraid I'd fail the coaching.
• 39:09
  Kari: Like what if I don't have the time?
• 39:11
  Kari: like What about we're not don't have the time?
• 39:13
  Kari: but what if I don't make the time to do all the things?
• 39:14
  Kari: Well, really, it was just, it was work about your thoughts.
• 39:19
  Kari: I guess what I'm trying to say is that it wasn't another thing to add to my list.
• 39:22
  Kari: I looked forward to it every Thursday, probably because I just really enjoy you and you know, just would like to chat with you every day if I could.
• 39:30
  Kari: But I didn't feel like I had to do a bunch of preparation for it.
• 39:33
  Kari: It wasn't another, another task.
• 39:35
  Kari: So I think people that feel like they have to underlies all figured out and be ready to do coaching.
• 39:40
  Kari: I would say that's do the coaching, then you'll be.
• 39:43
  Kari: You know, like just do that first.
• 39:45
  Michelle: Yes, i'm so glad you said that, because people do say that to me all the time.
• 39:49
  Michelle: Well, i need to get my life together and then I'll do coaching.
• 39:51
  Michelle: And they also have this perception that they're gonna Tell me something that I'm gonna be like oh my gosh, you're such a mess, or something like no one's ever told me anything that I've thought that about.
• 40:02
  Michelle: And you're not gonna be the first.
• 40:04
  Michelle: I Have been there.
• 40:06
  Michelle: I probably have a story that can top however you're feeling right now.
• 40:09
  Michelle: So, yeah, just Bring the messy, that's what it's for, yeah, and then you'll get to feeling so much better and then you can get your life together in any way that you feel like doing that yeah, i just really, if anyone's considering it, and Just know it's an investment yourself and that it will keep, you know, people want to break it down and like, well, how much was it?
• 40:30
  Kari: and that's one percent.
• 40:32
  Kari: And like you know what, i use that stuff every day though.
• 40:34
  Kari: Yeah, like you think of things that you I mean, i don't use my car every day, but you gave me every single day.
• 40:42
  Kari: Yeah, oh, and I will.
• 40:44
  Kari: For the next however many years on this planet, i will continue to use them.
• 40:47
  Kari: So I do feel like do it sooner than later and then, and then you get the most bang for your buck because you get to use it for Longer.
• 40:54
  Michelle: Yes, Yes, absolutely Well.
• 40:56
  Michelle: Thank you so much.
• 40:57
  Michelle: I really appreciate you being here and I'm just so happy to be able to talk to you and see your face and Hear how you're doing.
• 41:04
  Michelle: Tell us where the audience can find you if they're looking for your graphic design services.
• 41:09
  Kari: Sure, my www.
• 41:11
  Kari: strangesister.
• 41:11
  Kari: com.
• 41:13
  Kari: That's just one sister, although you have a sister, but it's, yeah, strange sistercom.
• 41:17
  Kari: I've got some more samples up there and you can shoot me a line If you're interested in, if there's something I can help with or if it's on the list of services or if it's not.
• 41:24
  Kari: I'm always looking to grow and learn some new skills too, but I love, i love the people that I get connected with through this business.
• 41:32
  Kari: I mean you, you referred me to a friend of yours who's in DC.
• 41:35
  Kari: I have clients in New York and California and Vegas and Denver and all over.
• 41:41
  Kari: So It is kind of a fun business to be in because I get to connect with people that I wouldn't otherwise Know.
• 41:48
  Kari: Yeah, you don't have to be local.
• 41:49
  Kari: Yeah, i just I welcome any inquiries or they might be some fun connections.
• 41:53
  Michelle: So yeah, and even just going to your website and seeing some of the things you've created are you make beautiful designs.
• 41:59
  Michelle: It's just fun to look at.
• 42:01
  Kari: Yeah, Well thank you so much and I'm so grateful that our paths crossed and, as I said, i miss seeing you every Thursday.
• 42:08
  Kari: I remember like crying and so that our sessions were done.
• 42:12
  Kari: But I'm just so grateful that you came into my life and For all the things you've taught me and then, and just the curiosity that it ignited me, like I continue to look for books and podcasts and it's just like a new way of thinking that our connection opened up to me, and so I'm just so grateful to you, michelle.
• 42:31
  Michelle: Oh, thank you.
• 42:32
  Michelle: Thank you so much.
• 42:32
  Michelle: Thank you for listening to the overwhelm working woman podcast.
• 42:40
  Michelle: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at Michelle got herecom.
• 42:46
  Michelle: See you next week.