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What's the one thing that ALL Narcissists Need? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what is the one thing that every narcissist or toxic person
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  in the world needs? What is the one common
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  denominator for every single narcissistic person?
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  What are what do all narcissists need?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Here to give you the perspective
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  of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. So yes, narcissist, what is the
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  one thing that every single narcissist or toxic person or
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  whatever needs? What is that?
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  What is the one common theme that narcissistic people need in
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  order to survive, in order to thrive or whatever the case may
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  be? What is it?
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  So if you're curious about it, that one thing is narcissistic
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  supply. Every single narcissist, every
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  single narcissistic person or whoever needs narcissistic
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  supply. This is the truth.
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  Some type of supply. Well, Lee, what the I knew here.
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  Lee, what do you mean by narcissistic supply?
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  What is that? What is this supply that you
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  speak of? Can you help me out here?
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  I'm glad you asked to me as a diagnosed narcissist, right?
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  Narcissistic supply to me is some form of external
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  validation. It yeah, it really is.
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  Some is some form of of validation, some form of
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  validation that narcissistic people get externally that we
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  ourselves cannot give us. We cannot give ourselves supply.
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  Most of us cannot. Right now I feel like I have to
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  say most because as they diagnose narcissists in therapy,
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  I've been able to validate myself more and more and more
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  over the last few years, right? I have felt I have found the
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  need, I have found the ability to self validate in situations.
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  Whereas I would have needed someone else to validate my
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  experience, I would have needed somebody else to validate my own
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  emotional state. I would have needed somebody
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  else to validate how, how I was feeling or what I was thinking
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  or whatever, just to validate, damn near validate my existence.
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  And I'm not saying that, just trying to make it seem like, oh,
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  I'm different. I'm the, I'm the special
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  narcissist. I'm the special one.
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  No one else is like me. No one else is like little old
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  me, little old narcissist. Nobody else is like me.
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  I'm not saying that, right? I know people would make jokes
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  and be I know I'm making a lot of jokes and I say a lot of
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  funny stuff, but this is how it goes.
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  It really is most narcissistic people in these situations in
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  these scenarios or going to be going to need supply from
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  outside sources. That's just real they they like.
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  This is why you see a lot of times the narcissistic people
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  cannot be by themselves. We cannot stand to be alone.
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  We cannot stand to be alone. We cannot stand to be like
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  single or without, without a person in our lives that we can
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  call or text or whatever the case may be.
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  We cannot do that. And this is also why narcissists
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  tend to monkey branch from relationship to relationship.
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  When I say relationship to relationship to relationship,
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  I'm not just meaning the intimate relationships like
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  boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife.
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  I mean every type of relationship with a narcissist,
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  right? Every singular type of
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  relationship with a narcissistic person, like they're going to
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  bounce from relationship to relationship.
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  They're going to monkey branch. They're going to make sure they
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  have some secured supply or the possibility of security supply
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  before they leave a relationship because they need some type of
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  external validation. I can't regulate my own
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  emotions. I can't regulate myself.
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  So I need somebody else to do it.
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  I need you to do it. I need her to do it.
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  I need him to do it. I need them to do it.
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  Whoever, whoever it is in this situation right here, right, and
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  this is where it goes and this is where it comes and this is
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  how it ends up going. This is how it ends up looking
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  just overall narcissist need supply.
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  That's just the name of the game.
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  It really is. And I I wish, I wish it wasn't
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  so because when they're take like as it's kind of like a
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  natural resource, like your car, like your car needs gas, like
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  your car needs gas, narcissist needs supply.
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  But guess what happens? It runs out, you know what I'm
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  saying? It runs out and if it's not
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  replenished, then it's if, if, if supply is not replenished,
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  then it's going to run out and we need to find other supply.
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  Just like at the gas station. If those big ass gas trucks
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  don't come in the morning to drop off gallons and gallons of
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  gas, then guess what happens at the gas station?
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  No matter if we can go to their pump, it's nothing's going to
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  come out of it. We're not going to get that that
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  that gas for our car. We're not going to get that
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  supply. If you are not refilled.
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  You know what I'm saying? If you are drained, if we are
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  draining you dry, then you and you are not finding a way to
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  refill yourself or we're not refilling you, then guess what?
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  You run out or you don't give us as much as you.
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  You don't give us as much as you used to.
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  And then when you don't give us as much as you used to, guess
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  what happens? We move on to someone who we
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  think, can we move on to someone who we who we think fits us
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  better. That's what ends up happening.
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  Like that's the space that so many people fall into when you
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  deal with narcissistic people, This is how it goes.
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  Like they move on because they think the supply that they get
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  from you has run its course. And I hate to say that.
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  And people, just when I say to the people, people are like,
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  well, damn, Lee, that sucks. It does, doesn't it?
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  It really does suck and it sucks to be on the receiving end of it
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  as well. It sucks to be to deal with a
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  narcissistic person that you're just trying to love and care
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  for. It really does suck.
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  And that's why I'm just telling, I tell so many people in these
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  situations and these scenarios that hey, look, the more you
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  deal with a narcissistic person, the more that you combat this
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  person, the more that you try to make sense of how everything is
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  going, that it just going to drain you more, the more drained
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  that you will become. Right?
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  Because I know so many people ask me the question like, well,
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  Lee, well, if they're getting supply from, if I'm grade A
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  supply, which a lot of people use the word, right, if I'm
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  grade A supply, then how can they move on so effortlessly?
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  How can they just leave me? Like how can they leave me so
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  effortlessly? Like they didn't put any effort
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  in, they didn't try. How can if I was grade A supply,
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  how can they just get rid of me Because y'all grade A supply
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  still runs out Great. A supply is a natural.
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  Let's say great, I'm I'm not abusing the earth and gas and
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  stuff like that. But let's just say the great a
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  supply is a natural resource, right?
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  It really is. It's a natural resource.
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  But natural resources cannot be replenished, right?
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  The natural gas we get from the earth, it cannot be replenished.
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  The oil that we get from the earth is the earth is not making
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  more oil or is it right. So we get that where we get that
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  from we're not it's not replenishing.
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  It really isn't. So this isn't something you have
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  to consider and think about as well as you're moving forward.
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  Like it's not you so many people take.
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  I feel like a rant coming on. I might do my rant series.
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  Yeah. So many people get caught up in
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  trying to figure out what you could be doing more for a
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  narcissist, right. You want to figure out what you
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  could be doing more of like, Well, Lee, how can I give them
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  more supply? I don't want them to leave me.
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  I don't want to be single. I don't want to be lonely.
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  How can I give them more supply? How can I how can I make them
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  feel better? How can I do this?
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  How can I do that? I tell people like, you can't.
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  Like, yeah, you will drain yourself.
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  And narcissists know like, and it's crazy about this.
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  There's a lot of narcissists that know when you're trying
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  hard. There's a lot of narcissists and
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  toxic people. They absolutely know that you're
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  trying hard and that you're giving your all to this
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  relationship and it means nothing to them.
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  They, it doesn't make them love you more.
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  It doesn't make them care for you more.
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  Sometimes they it makes them want to leave you more because
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  some of them look at you like you're trying to hard.
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  They look at you like you're pathetic.
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  I'm not calling you pathetic. I'm not saying that, but this is
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  how some narcissists will look at you.
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  They were like, damn you. I especially if you if you're
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  too forgiving, right? If you're too forgiving, if
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  you're too welcoming, if you're too, if you're giving them too
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  much, Yeah, they will look down on you.
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  I'm telling you. And people like, well, like that
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  doesn't make any sense. I know it doesn't make sense to
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  you, but the more you forgive a narcissist, the the more they
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  look down on you just about like this.
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  Sometimes narcissist and people cheat on you for the thrill of
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  it, right? They like, they like getting
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  away with the cheating. They like getting away, They
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  like to, to hide it. They like the you know, they of
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  course they like the active cheating, but they like, they
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  like keeping it from you more. So if you find out or they tell
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  you, whatever happens, you get, they get exposed for cheating
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  and you forgive them. OK, maybe one time so I can
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  still sneak and do it. And then I guess what happens
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  again, they do you catch them again, you catch them again, you
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  keep forgiving it, you keep forgiving them.
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  Now the thrill is gone. Now it's boring.
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  You know what I'm saying? Now he's not even cheating
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  anymore. Now I get to the point where I
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  don't, I don't even have to try hard to lie to you anymore
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  because like it's just, you don't care either, right?
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  It's so many different avenues. There's so many different things
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  that go into this. That's why I just tell, I try to
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  tell some of the people, like when you're dealing with this
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  person, the more forgiving you are.
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  Sometimes they look down on you and I, and I know that sounds
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  ass backwards. I'm I'm fully aware of how that
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  sounds, right? I'm fully aware of how silly
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  that sounds, how, how ignorant that can sound to a lot of
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  people, right? I'm fully aware.
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  But this is where you have to understand where you have to
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  come into your own mind and just say, well damn, Lee, I have to,
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  I have to stop being so I have to stop being reconciled with
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  the person. I know some people are huge on
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  forgiveness. Also, I know some people are big
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  on forgiveness. They I well we got to forgive.
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  The Bible says forgive or whatnot.
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  You don't have to reconcile with them or in the Bible doesn't say
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  you have to reconcile with everybody you forgive like you
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  have to they. This person tried to take your
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  life. This person cheated on you.
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  This person gave you a STI and you should reconcile with them.
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  You need to keep the family together.
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  Hey, I could be wrong with it, but that's what happens.
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  Yo. Every single narcissist needs
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  supply. Well, Lee, what about you?
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  You've been in therapy for, for. Well, Lee, how can we get them
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  to to be self-sufficient so they won't need supply?
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  They have to go to therapy and deal with this thing to deal
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  with the mental blockages, y'all.
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  They have to be willing to go to therapy to work on that type of
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  stuff. And it Well, Lee, mine told me
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  he mine told me that he would never go to therapy.
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  He doesn't believe in it, man. My believe, ma'am.
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  My girl, my girl says she would never, never go to talk to no
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  therapy because she don't. That's not what women do.
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  Yeah. Then this is who you're going to
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  have to deal with. I know that sounds morbid or
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  grim, but that's if they're not willing to work on themselves,
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  then this is who you going to have to deal with.
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  Why would anything change? Nothing changes if nothing
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  changes. I know that sounds super
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  simplistic, but that's the, that's the crux of it right
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  there. Nothing changes if nothing
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  changes. Nothing will get better until it
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  does, right? You have to be willing to put
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  the work in. You have to be willing to do
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  this. You have to be willing to do
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  what you need to do in these situations because narcissistic
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  people, I've, I promise you this one thing about narcissist as
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  well. They're going to typically
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  choose to do what benefits them the most.
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  And a lot of times what they see is benefiting them the most is
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  going to find new supply that feels better, right?
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  But guess what happens just because they find a new supply
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  doesn't mean that they will will release the old supply.
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  It doesn't mean that they will let you go just because they
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  have a new partner or a new husband, new wife or whatever.
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  It does not mean that they will leave you alone.
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  And some people, some so many people fall into the trap of of
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  allowing them to do allowing this to happen.
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  Let's be real. So many people do fall into the
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  trap of allowing this type of stuff to happen.
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  Y'all will be done. They'll break up with you or
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  they'll find somebody else and you, you'll still be sleeping
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  with them on the side. Now I know it's, I know it's
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  tough to break, but you're making yourself feel and look
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  kind of you see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying?
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  I know that trauma bond is tough to break, but it has to be
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  broken. If you don't break it, it's
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  going to break you. They'll sign a fire, wouldn't
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  it? If you don't break the trauma
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  bond, then the trauma bond is going to break you.
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  Oof, oof. You got to break it, you got to
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  break it y'all, you have to break it.
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  You got to break it. It was fine, it was fine.
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  Anyways, y'all I got to get up and get out of here this
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  morning. Be safe.
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  Peace.