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The House That Nathaniel Built · That Old Trope with Nathaniel Kressen

• 1:31
  I
• 1:33
  supposed
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  be
• 1:33
  editing
• 1:35
  and
• 1:35
  as
• 1:36
  per
• 1:36
  usual
• 1:36
  I
• 1:36
  have
• 1:37
  my
• 1:37
  yogurt
• 1:37
  bowl,
• 1:37
  my
• 1:37
  cold
• 1:38
  brew
• 1:38
  coffee
• 1:38
  and
• 1:38
  my
• 1:39
  giant
• 1:39
  mason
• 1:39
  jar
• 1:40
  of
• 1:40
  water
• 1:40
  over
• 1:40
  here
• 1:41
  with
• 1:41
  my
• 1:42
  peppermint
• 1:42
  pinwheels
• 1:43
  on
• 1:43
  my.
• 1:43
  Alright,
• 1:43
  alright,
• 1:44
  alright
• 1:45
  coaster
• 1:47
  my
• 1:47
  little
• 1:47
  bit
• 1:47
  of
• 1:48
  bark,
• 1:49
  my
• 1:49
  rocks,
• 1:50
  my
• 1:50
  crystals,
• 1:51
  my
• 1:51
  postcards,
• 1:52
  my
• 1:53
  old
• 1:53
  booker's
• 1:53
  whiskey
• 1:54
  box,
• 1:55
  one
• 1:55
  of
• 1:56
  many,
• 1:56
  one
• 1:56
  of
• 1:56
  dozens
• 1:57
  that
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  have
• 1:57
  to
• 1:57
  hold.
• 1:58
  All
• 1:58
  my
• 1:58
  little
• 1:59
  eccentricities
• 2:00
  and
• 2:01
  necessities.
• 2:02
  Got
• 2:02
  my
• 2:03
  branches
• 2:03
  from
• 2:03
  the
• 2:03
  land
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  used
• 2:04
  to
• 2:04
  own
• 2:05
  along
• 2:05
  with
• 2:05
  dried
• 2:06
  BlackBerry
• 2:07
  vines
• 2:08
  and
• 2:08
  kind
• 2:08
  of
• 2:08
  like
• 2:09
  a
• 2:09
  floor
• 2:10
  to
• 2:10
  halfway
• 2:11
  up
• 2:11
  my
• 2:11
  giant
• 2:12
  backyard
• 2:12
  window
• 2:13
  kind
• 2:14
  of
• 2:14
  freestanding
• 2:15
  bouquet.
• 2:18
  I
• 2:18
  got
• 2:19
  a
• 2:19
  paper
• 2:20
  taped
• 2:21
  to
• 2:22
  my
• 2:22
  back
• 2:22
  window
• 2:23
  with
• 2:23
  a
• 2:23
  frosted
• 2:24
  cover
• 2:24
  on
• 2:24
  it
• 2:25
  that
• 2:26
  is
• 2:26
  all
• 2:27
  about
• 2:27
  the
• 2:29
  artist
• 2:29
  led
• 2:29
  episode.
• 2:30
  The
• 2:31
  outline
• 2:31
  on
• 2:32
  my
• 2:33
  square,
• 2:33
  square,
• 2:34
  square
• 2:34
  square
• 2:35
  graph
• 2:35
  drawing
• 2:36
  paper
• 2:37
  along
• 2:37
  with
• 2:37
  a
• 2:38
  receipt
• 2:38
  from
• 2:38
  a
• 2:39
  recent
• 2:39
  night
• 2:39
  out
• 2:39
  after
• 2:39
  naked
• 2:40
  angels
• 2:40
  that
• 2:41
  totals
• 2:42
  up
• 2:42
  all
• 2:42
  the
• 2:43
  drinks
• 2:43
  I
• 2:43
  bought,
• 2:44
  not
• 2:45
  just
• 2:45
  for
• 2:45
  me
• 2:46
  and
• 2:46
  a
• 2:47
  big
• 2:47
  old
• 2:47
  scrawling
• 2:48
  sharpie,
• 2:49
  my
• 2:49
  pen
• 2:49
  of
• 2:50
  choice
• 2:50
  these
• 2:50
  days
• 2:51
  saying
• 2:51
  earn
• 2:52
  these
• 2:52
  nights.
• 2:53
  If
• 2:53
  I'm
• 2:54
  so
• 2:54
  worried
• 2:54
  about
• 2:54
  money,
• 2:55
  find
• 2:55
  out
• 2:55
  where
• 2:55
  this
• 2:56
  money
• 2:56
  is
• 2:56
  coming
• 2:56
  from.
• 2:57
  If
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  feel
• 2:57
  like
• 2:58
  being
• 2:58
  the
• 2:58
  talky
• 2:58
  talkie
• 2:59
  bye
• 2:59
  bye
• 2:59
  person.
• 3:02
  So
• 3:03
  I'm
• 3:03
  supposed
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  be
• 3:04
  editing
• 3:05
  and
• 3:06
  what
• 3:06
  am
• 3:07
  I
• 3:07
  doing
• 3:07
  here?
• 3:08
  Well,
• 3:08
  there's
• 3:09
  something
• 3:09
  that's
• 3:09
  on
• 3:09
  my
• 3:09
  mind
• 3:10
  and
• 3:10
  this
• 3:10
  is
• 3:10
  the
• 3:10
  place
• 3:11
  to
• 3:11
  do
• 3:11
  it.
• 3:11
  I
• 3:11
  want
• 3:11
  to
• 3:11
  talk
• 3:12
  about
• 3:12
  kindness
• 3:12
  and
• 3:12
  capacity.
• 3:14
  I'm
• 3:15
  going
• 3:15
  to
• 3:15
  come
• 3:15
  at
• 3:15
  it
• 3:15
  from
• 3:18
  where
• 3:18
  it
• 3:19
  makes
• 3:19
  sense
• 3:19
  for
• 3:19
  me.
• 3:20
  Which
• 3:21
  is
• 3:21
  a
• 3:21
  song.
• 3:23
  There's
• 3:24
  a
• 3:24
  song
• 3:25
  that
• 3:26
  is
• 3:26
  not
• 3:27
  my
• 3:27
  own
• 3:28
  that
• 3:29
  uplifts
• 3:29
  me
• 3:30
  every
• 3:30
  time
• 3:30
  I
• 3:30
  hear
• 3:30
  it.
• 3:30
  There
• 3:31
  are
• 3:31
  certain
• 3:31
  songs
• 3:32
  like
• 3:32
  this
• 3:33
  that
• 3:33
  I'm
• 3:34
  sure
• 3:34
  everybody
• 3:34
  has
• 3:35
  where
• 3:35
  you
• 3:36
  just.
• 3:36
  You're
• 3:37
  lit
• 3:37
  up.
• 3:37
  There's
• 3:38
  something
• 3:38
  that
• 3:38
  it
• 3:38
  taps
• 3:39
  into
• 3:39
  your
• 3:40
  soul
• 3:41
  and
• 3:41
  it
• 3:41
  makes
• 3:41
  you
• 3:42
  feel
• 3:42
  joy,
• 3:43
  it
• 3:43
  makes
• 3:43
  you
• 3:43
  feel
• 3:43
  possibility,
• 3:44
  it
• 3:44
  makes
• 3:44
  you
• 3:45
  feel
• 3:45
  in
• 3:45
  tune
• 3:45
  with
• 3:45
  some
• 3:46
  secret
• 3:46
  superpower
• 3:47
  inside
• 3:47
  yourself.
• 3:50
  That
• 3:51
  was
• 3:51
  my
• 3:51
  superpower
• 3:51
  coming
• 3:52
  out.
• 3:53
  Let
• 3:53
  me
• 3:54
  put
• 3:54
  it
• 3:54
  back
• 3:54
  in.
• 3:57
  Tastes
• 3:57
  like
• 3:57
  yogurt
• 3:57
  and
• 3:58
  cold
• 3:58
  brew.
• 4:01
  Mostly
• 4:02
  ginger.
• 4:03
  Mostly
• 4:03
  ginger.
• 4:04
  I
• 4:04
  do
• 4:05
  love
• 4:05
  my
• 4:05
  ginger
• 4:06
  root.
• 4:08
  My
• 4:09
  stomach's
• 4:09
  been
• 4:09
  holding
• 4:10
  a
• 4:10
  lot
• 4:10
  of
• 4:10
  stress.
• 4:11
  My
• 4:11
  stomach
• 4:11
  has
• 4:12
  been
• 4:13
  telling
• 4:13
  me
• 4:13
  about
• 4:14
  all
• 4:14
  the
• 4:14
  emotions
• 4:14
  and
• 4:15
  all
• 4:15
  the
• 4:15
  weight
• 4:15
  that
• 4:16
  I've
• 4:16
  been
• 4:16
  carrying.
• 4:16
  And
• 4:17
  that
• 4:17
  is
• 4:17
  my
• 4:17
  metric
• 4:18
  for
• 4:18
  when
• 4:18
  I
• 4:18
  need
• 4:19
  to
• 4:20
  take
• 4:20
  care,
• 4:21
  take
• 4:21
  tender
• 4:22
  care
• 4:22
  of
• 4:22
  myself.
• 4:24
  This
• 4:24
  is
• 4:26
  a
• 4:26
  tell.
• 4:27
  My
• 4:27
  body
• 4:28
  has
• 4:28
  that
• 4:28
  precipitated
• 4:29
  divorce
• 4:30
  decision
• 4:32
  which
• 4:32
  by
• 4:32
  the
• 4:32
  way,
• 4:33
  another
• 4:33
  few
• 4:33
  days
• 4:33
  will
• 4:34
  be
• 4:34
  the
• 4:34
  two
• 4:34
  year
• 4:34
  anniversary
• 4:35
  of
• 4:35
  making
• 4:36
  that
• 4:36
  decision.
• 4:37
  Not
• 4:37
  going
• 4:37
  to
• 4:37
  line
• 4:38
  up
• 4:38
  anymore
• 4:38
  once
• 4:39
  this
• 4:39
  goes
• 4:39
  live
• 4:39
  because
• 4:40
  there
• 4:40
  is
• 4:40
  a
• 4:40
  lag.
• 4:40
  I'm
• 4:41
  building
• 4:41
  up
• 4:41
  this
• 4:41
  Runway
• 4:42
  of
• 4:42
  content
• 4:42
  so
• 4:42
  I
• 4:43
  can
• 4:43
  stretch
• 4:43
  a
• 4:43
  little
• 4:43
  bit
• 4:44
  once
• 4:44
  things
• 4:44
  actually
• 4:44
  go
• 4:45
  live.
• 4:46
  But
• 4:46
  you
• 4:46
  know,
• 4:47
  in
• 4:47
  real
• 4:47
  time
• 4:47
  as
• 4:47
  I'm
• 4:47
  recording
• 4:48
  this,
• 4:48
  I'm
• 4:48
  coming
• 4:48
  up
• 4:48
  on
• 4:48
  that
• 4:49
  anniversary.
• 4:49
  I've
• 4:49
  got
• 4:50
  plenty
• 4:50
  of
• 4:50
  other
• 4:51
  things
• 4:51
  going
• 4:51
  on
• 4:51
  in
• 4:51
  life
• 4:52
  and
• 4:52
  I'm
• 4:52
  going
• 4:52
  to
• 4:52
  touch
• 4:52
  on
• 4:52
  some
• 4:53
  of
• 4:53
  them
• 4:53
  here,
• 4:54
  but
• 4:54
  my
• 4:54
  stomach
• 4:55
  is
• 4:55
  in
• 4:56
  knots
• 4:57
  and
• 4:57
  that
• 4:58
  sucks.
• 5:00
  But
• 5:00
  you
• 5:00
  know,
• 5:01
  here
• 5:01
  we
• 5:01
  go.
• 5:02
  So
• 5:03
  the
• 5:03
  song
• 5:04
  I'm
• 5:04
  talking
• 5:04
  about
• 5:04
  is
• 5:04
  Aretha
• 5:05
  Franklin,
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  House
• 5:06
  that
• 5:07
  Jack
• 5:07
  Built.
• 5:09
  There
• 5:09
  is
• 5:10
  something
• 5:10
  about
• 5:10
  that
• 5:10
  song
• 5:11
  that
• 5:11
  lights
• 5:11
  me
• 5:11
  up
• 5:12
  every
• 5:12
  time
• 5:13
  I
• 5:13
  hear
• 5:13
  it.
• 5:13
  And
• 5:14
  I
• 5:14
  wanted
• 5:14
  to
• 5:14
  start
• 5:14
  there
• 5:14
  because
• 5:17
  this
• 5:17
  era
• 5:18
  of
• 5:18
  life,
• 5:19
  that's
• 5:19
  a
• 5:19
  pretty
• 5:19
  good
• 5:19
  soundtrack
• 5:20
  for
• 5:20
  me.
• 5:21
  The
• 5:21
  House
• 5:21
  that
• 5:21
  Jack
• 5:22
  Built,
• 5:22
  it
• 5:22
  feels
• 5:23
  like
• 5:23
  triumph.
• 5:24
  I
• 5:25
  am
• 5:25
  in
• 5:25
  the
• 5:25
  process
• 5:26
  of
• 5:26
  building
• 5:27
  all
• 5:27
  the
• 5:27
  life
• 5:28
  changes
• 5:28
  and
• 5:31
  basically
• 5:32
  just
• 5:32
  the
• 5:32
  life
• 5:33
  that
• 5:33
  I
• 5:33
  have
• 5:34
  dreamt
• 5:34
  of.
• 5:35
  Everything
• 5:35
  that
• 5:37
  I
• 5:37
  have
• 5:38
  ever
• 5:39
  craved
• 5:40
  and
• 5:40
  wanted
• 5:42
  have
• 5:42
  in
• 5:43
  some,
• 5:43
  some
• 5:43
  capacity
• 5:44
  right
• 5:44
  now.
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  am
• 5:46
  being
• 5:46
  my
• 5:47
  true
• 5:48
  self.
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  am
• 5:49
  living
• 5:49
  honestly
• 5:50
  and
• 5:50
  being
• 5:50
  valued
• 5:51
  and
• 5:52
  treasured
• 5:52
  by
• 5:53
  people
• 5:53
  and
• 5:54
  myself
• 5:55
  for
• 5:55
  my
• 5:55
  authentic
• 5:56
  self.
• 5:56
  That
• 5:56
  is
• 5:57
  a
• 5:57
  huge
• 5:57
  move
• 5:57
  in
• 5:57
  its
• 5:57
  own
• 5:58
  right.
• 5:58
  I
• 5:58
  am
• 5:58
  not
• 5:59
  trying
• 5:59
  to
• 5:59
  comport
• 6:00
  to
• 6:00
  anybody
• 6:00
  else's
• 6:01
  vision
• 6:01
  of
• 6:01
  me.
• 6:02
  I'm
• 6:03
  just
• 6:03
  doing
• 6:03
  the
• 6:03
  best
• 6:04
  I
• 6:04
  can
• 6:04
  with
• 6:04
  what
• 6:05
  I
• 6:05
  got
• 6:06
  on
• 6:06
  my
• 6:06
  own
• 6:06
  terms,
• 6:07
  living
• 6:08
  honestly.
• 6:08
  And
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  is
• 6:09
  huge
• 6:09
  for
• 6:09
  me.
• 6:10
  There's
• 6:10
  a
• 6:10
  huge
• 6:11
  progression
• 6:12
  forward.
• 6:13
  I
• 6:14
  am
• 6:14
  building
• 6:14
  the
• 6:15
  dream
• 6:15
  things
• 6:15
  that
• 6:15
  I
• 6:16
  want.
• 6:16
  I'm
• 6:17
  focused
• 6:17
  on
• 6:18
  projects
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  care
• 6:19
  about.
• 6:22
  I
• 6:22
  am
• 6:22
  expressing
• 6:23
  my
• 6:23
  talents
• 6:23
  across
• 6:24
  acting,
• 6:25
  music,
• 6:26
  writing
• 6:28
  and
• 6:28
  painting
• 6:30
  and
• 6:30
  building
• 6:31
  this
• 6:31
  thinky,
• 6:32
  thinky
• 6:32
  talky,
• 6:32
  talky,
• 6:33
  mission
• 6:33
  driven
• 6:33
  media
• 6:34
  company.
• 6:34
  I'm
• 6:34
  doing
• 6:35
  all
• 6:35
  the
• 6:35
  things
• 6:36
  and
• 6:37
  getting
• 6:37
  real
• 6:37
  time
• 6:38
  feedback
• 6:38
  like,
• 6:38
  hey,
• 6:39
  this
• 6:39
  is
• 6:39
  pretty
• 6:39
  fucking
• 6:39
  cool.
• 6:40
  This
• 6:40
  is
• 6:40
  pretty
• 6:40
  fucking
• 6:40
  good.
• 6:42
  That
• 6:43
  is
• 6:43
  wonderful.
• 6:43
  So
• 6:44
  I'm
• 6:44
  being
• 6:44
  valued
• 6:44
  for
• 6:44
  myself.
• 6:45
  I'm
• 6:45
  being
• 6:45
  valued
• 6:45
  for
• 6:46
  my
• 6:46
  talents.
• 6:46
  Those
• 6:47
  are
• 6:47
  probably
• 6:48
  the.
• 6:50
  That's
• 6:50
  the
• 6:50
  nuts
• 6:51
  right
• 6:51
  there.
• 6:51
  This
• 6:52
  is
• 6:52
  it.
• 6:52
  There's
• 6:53
  another
• 6:54
  song
• 6:54
  that
• 6:54
  means
• 6:54
  something
• 6:54
  to
• 6:55
  me
• 6:55
  called
• 6:55
  With
• 6:55
  Every
• 6:55
  Light
• 6:56
  by
• 6:57
  Smashing
• 6:57
  Pumpkins
• 6:58
  that
• 6:58
  has
• 6:58
  a
• 6:59
  line.
• 6:59
  Could
• 6:59
  you
• 6:59
  believe
• 6:59
  in
• 7:00
  heaven
• 7:01
  if
• 7:01
  heaven
• 7:01
  was
• 7:01
  all
• 7:02
  you
• 7:02
  had?
• 7:04
  I'm
• 7:04
  in
• 7:04
  heaven
• 7:04
  right
• 7:05
  now.
• 7:05
  I'm
• 7:05
  floating
• 7:06
  on
• 7:06
  a
• 7:07
  cloud
• 7:08
  lily
• 7:08
  pad
• 7:10
  looking
• 7:10
  and
• 7:10
  drifting.
• 7:12
  But
• 7:14
  this
• 7:14
  dream
• 7:15
  building
• 7:16
  takes
• 7:17
  a
• 7:17
  fuckton
• 7:18
  of
• 7:18
  work.
• 7:19
  I
• 7:20
  talked
• 7:20
  in
• 7:20
  a
• 7:20
  recent
• 7:20
  episode
• 7:21
  about
• 7:21
  the
• 7:22
  less
• 7:23
  than
• 7:23
  joyous,
• 7:24
  less
• 7:24
  than
• 7:24
  romantic,
• 7:25
  incremental
• 7:26
  steps
• 7:26
  it
• 7:26
  takes
• 7:27
  to
• 7:28
  build
• 7:28
  the
• 7:28
  things
• 7:28
  I
• 7:28
  want
• 7:28
  to
• 7:28
  build.
• 7:30
  And
• 7:32
  you
• 7:32
  know,
• 7:32
  speaking
• 7:32
  it
• 7:32
  out
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  you
• 7:33
  guys,
• 7:34
  to
• 7:34
  my
• 7:34
  listeners,
• 7:35
  to
• 7:35
  my
• 7:35
  thousand
• 7:35
  true
• 7:36
  fans
• 7:38
  does
• 7:38
  get
• 7:38
  me
• 7:39
  over
• 7:39
  that
• 7:39
  hump
• 7:40
  a
• 7:40
  little
• 7:40
  bit.
• 7:40
  And
• 7:40
  I've
• 7:40
  been
• 7:40
  grinding
• 7:41
  away
• 7:41
  and
• 7:42
  also
• 7:42
  taking
• 7:43
  care
• 7:43
  of
• 7:43
  myself
• 7:43
  and
• 7:43
  finding
• 7:44
  what
• 7:44
  that
• 7:44
  balance
• 7:44
  is
• 7:45
  and
• 7:45
  all
• 7:45
  those
• 7:45
  things.
• 7:45
  But
• 7:46
  it
• 7:46
  takes
• 7:46
  a
• 7:46
  lot
• 7:46
  of
• 7:46
  work.
• 7:47
  It
• 7:47
  takes
• 7:47
  a
• 7:47
  lot
• 7:47
  of
• 7:48
  work
• 7:48
  to
• 7:48
  do
• 7:48
  something
• 7:49
  that
• 7:49
  is
• 7:49
  fully
• 7:49
  your
• 7:50
  own,
• 7:50
  that
• 7:51
  nobody's
• 7:51
  asking
• 7:51
  you
• 7:52
  to
• 7:52
  do
• 7:55
  and
• 7:55
  doing
• 7:55
  your
• 7:56
  own
• 7:56
  way
• 7:56
  without
• 7:56
  necessarily
• 7:57
  a
• 7:57
  compass
• 7:58
  sometimes.
• 8:01
  So
• 8:02
  I'm
• 8:02
  doing
• 8:02
  all
• 8:03
  these
• 8:03
  things,
• 8:04
  I'm
• 8:05
  feeling
• 8:05
  all
• 8:06
  the
• 8:06
  acceptance
• 8:07
  and
• 8:07
  acclaim
• 8:08
  and
• 8:08
  happiness
• 8:10
  based
• 8:10
  on
• 8:11
  the
• 8:11
  things
• 8:11
  that
• 8:11
  are
• 8:11
  most
• 8:11
  important
• 8:11
  to
• 8:12
  me.
• 8:13
  And
• 8:15
  there
• 8:15
  is
• 8:16
  the
• 8:17
  perpetual
• 8:17
  tender
• 8:18
  heart
• 8:18
  inside
• 8:19
  of
• 8:19
  me
• 8:20
  that
• 8:20
  feels
• 8:21
  things
• 8:21
  very
• 8:21
  deeply,
• 8:23
  cares
• 8:23
  about
• 8:23
  what
• 8:24
  others
• 8:24
  are
• 8:24
  going
• 8:24
  through.
• 8:26
  Especially
• 8:26
  when
• 8:26
  it
• 8:28
  as
• 8:28
  we'll
• 8:28
  get
• 8:29
  to
• 8:29
  might
• 8:30
  not
• 8:30
  be
• 8:30
  in
• 8:30
  perfect
• 8:30
  alignment
• 8:31
  with
• 8:31
  my
• 8:32
  authentic
• 8:32
  self.
• 8:36
  And
• 8:36
  it
• 8:36
  has
• 8:36
  me
• 8:36
  focused
• 8:37
  on
• 8:37
  kindness
• 8:37
  and
• 8:38
  capacity.
• 8:40
  So
• 8:40
  let's
• 8:40
  back
• 8:41
  up
• 8:41
  a
• 8:41
  little
• 8:41
  bit.
• 8:42
  I
• 8:43
  grew
• 8:43
  up
• 8:44
  with
• 8:44
  a
• 8:44
  sister
• 8:45
  with
• 8:45
  special
• 8:45
  needs.
• 8:47
  And
• 8:47
  so
• 8:48
  as
• 8:48
  is
• 8:48
  per
• 8:49
  pretty
• 8:50
  usual
• 8:52
  my
• 8:52
  needs
• 8:52
  were
• 8:53
  secondary.
• 8:54
  There's
• 8:54
  somebody
• 8:54
  I
• 8:54
  care
• 8:55
  about
• 8:56
  who
• 8:57
  had
• 8:57
  a
• 8:57
  likewise
• 8:57
  situation
• 8:58
  growing
• 8:58
  up.
• 8:59
  And
• 8:59
  she
• 8:59
  said,
• 9:01
  how
• 9:02
  did
• 9:02
  she
• 9:02
  put
• 9:02
  it?
• 9:03
  My
• 9:03
  biggest
• 9:04
  need
• 9:05
  will
• 9:05
  never
• 9:05
  be
• 9:05
  as
• 9:05
  important
• 9:06
  as
• 9:06
  my
• 9:07
  sister's
• 9:08
  smallest
• 9:08
  need.
• 9:10
  And
• 9:10
  I
• 9:10
  thought
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  was
• 9:11
  pretty
• 9:11
  true.
• 9:12
  That
• 9:13
  was
• 9:13
  pretty
• 9:13
  true.
• 9:14
  There's
• 9:14
  this
• 9:15
  constant
• 9:15
  holding
• 9:16
  of
• 9:16
  space
• 9:17
  and
• 9:17
  emotion
• 9:18
  and
• 9:18
  experience
• 9:19
  to
• 9:19
  make
• 9:19
  room
• 9:20
  for
• 9:21
  what
• 9:21
  our
• 9:22
  siblings
• 9:23
  needed.
• 9:24
  My
• 9:24
  sibling,
• 9:26
  she
• 9:27
  has
• 9:27
  Rett
• 9:27
  syndrome,
• 9:28
  which
• 9:28
  is
• 9:30
  a
• 9:30
  wonderful
• 9:31
  little
• 9:31
  condition
• 9:32
  that's
• 9:32
  lifelong.
• 9:33
  Comes
• 9:33
  on
• 9:33
  around
• 9:34
  the
• 9:34
  age
• 9:34
  between
• 9:34
  2
• 9:35
  and
• 9:35
  4
• 9:36
  and
• 9:36
  it
• 9:36
  basically
• 9:36
  means
• 9:37
  that
• 9:37
  she
• 9:37
  has
• 9:37
  no
• 9:37
  control
• 9:37
  over
• 9:38
  speech
• 9:38
  or
• 9:38
  motor
• 9:38
  function.
• 9:39
  Her
• 9:39
  mind
• 9:40
  is
• 9:40
  all
• 9:40
  there.
• 9:41
  She
• 9:41
  has
• 9:41
  whip
• 9:41
  smart
• 9:42
  humor.
• 9:42
  We
• 9:42
  communicate
• 9:43
  through
• 9:43
  blinks
• 9:43
  and
• 9:43
  nods.
• 9:45
  But
• 9:46
  you
• 9:46
  know,
• 9:46
  she,
• 9:48
  she
• 9:48
  requires
• 9:48
  constant
• 9:49
  care.
• 9:50
  My
• 9:50
  mom
• 9:50
  is
• 9:50
  her
• 9:51
  core
• 9:51
  caretaker,
• 9:52
  has
• 9:52
  a
• 9:52
  little
• 9:52
  bit
• 9:52
  of
• 9:52
  support
• 9:53
  in
• 9:54
  the
• 9:54
  afternoons
• 9:55
  on
• 9:55
  weekdays.
• 9:57
  And
• 9:57
  a
• 9:57
  big
• 9:58
  part
• 9:58
  of
• 9:58
  this
• 9:58
  year
• 9:58
  has
• 9:58
  been
• 9:58
  me
• 9:59
  going
• 9:59
  out
• 9:59
  to
• 9:59
  provide
• 9:59
  a
• 10:00
  little
• 10:00
  bit
• 10:00
  more
• 10:00
  support.
• 10:01
  Sometimes
• 10:02
  it
• 10:02
  requires
• 10:02
  me
• 10:03
  to
• 10:03
  hold
• 10:03
  things
• 10:03
  that
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  do
• 10:04
  not
• 10:04
  have
• 10:04
  capacity
• 10:05
  to
• 10:05
  hold.
• 10:06
  But
• 10:06
  that's
• 10:07
  life
• 10:07
  and
• 10:07
  I
• 10:07
  want
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  be
• 10:08
  there
• 10:08
  for
• 10:08
  my
• 10:08
  sister,
• 10:09
  I
• 10:09
  want
• 10:09
  to
• 10:09
  be
• 10:09
  there
• 10:09
  for
• 10:09
  my
• 10:10
  mom.
• 10:11
  So
• 10:12
  this
• 10:13
  dynamic
• 10:14
  growing
• 10:14
  up
• 10:15
  of
• 10:15
  constantly
• 10:16
  holding
• 10:16
  on
• 10:16
  to
• 10:17
  my
• 10:17
  own
• 10:17
  experience
• 10:19
  to
• 10:19
  make
• 10:19
  room
• 10:20
  for
• 10:20
  others,
• 10:22
  that
• 10:22
  was
• 10:23
  not
• 10:23
  nothing
• 10:23
  and
• 10:23
  resulted
• 10:24
  in
• 10:24
  a
• 10:24
  lot
• 10:24
  of
• 10:25
  sadness,
• 10:25
  a
• 10:26
  lot
• 10:26
  of
• 10:26
  isolation,
• 10:27
  a
• 10:27
  lot
• 10:27
  of
• 10:27
  social
• 10:28
  weirdness.
• 10:29
  It
• 10:29
  was
• 10:30
  kind
• 10:30
  of
• 10:30
  groomed
• 10:30
  into
• 10:30
  me
• 10:31
  to
• 10:33
  hold
• 10:34
  space
• 10:34
  for
• 10:34
  others
• 10:35
  experience
• 10:35
  at
• 10:35
  the
• 10:35
  expense
• 10:36
  of
• 10:36
  myself.
• 10:37
  That's
• 10:37
  just
• 10:37
  what
• 10:37
  it
• 10:37
  was.
• 10:39
  And
• 10:41
  there's
• 10:42
  one
• 10:42
  kind
• 10:42
  of,
• 10:43
  there's
• 10:44
  two
• 10:44
  moments
• 10:45
  I'll
• 10:45
  bring
• 10:45
  up
• 10:45
  from
• 10:46
  childhood
• 10:46
  that
• 10:46
  kind
• 10:46
  of
• 10:47
  show
• 10:47
  the
• 10:48
  odd
• 10:49
  way
• 10:49
  in
• 10:49
  which
• 10:51
  the
• 10:52
  things
• 10:53
  that
• 10:53
  were
• 10:55
  cultivated,
• 10:57
  for
• 10:57
  lack
• 10:57
  of
• 10:57
  a
• 10:58
  better
• 10:58
  word
• 10:58
  inside
• 10:58
  of
• 10:59
  me
• 10:59
  kind
• 10:59
  of
• 10:59
  came
• 10:59
  out
• 10:59
  as
• 11:00
  a
• 11:00
  kid.
• 11:00
  One
• 11:00
  is
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  had
• 11:01
  this
• 11:01
  birthday
• 11:02
  party
• 11:03
  where
• 11:03
  I
• 11:04
  had
• 11:04
  my
• 11:05
  birthday's
• 11:05
  in
• 11:05
  December.
• 11:05
  There
• 11:06
  was
• 11:06
  snow
• 11:06
  on
• 11:06
  the
• 11:06
  ground.
• 11:07
  I
• 11:07
  had
• 11:07
  friends
• 11:08
  over
• 11:08
  to
• 11:08
  basically
• 11:08
  play
• 11:09
  like
• 11:09
  a
• 11:09
  little
• 11:09
  bit
• 11:10
  of
• 11:10
  pickup
• 11:10
  football
• 11:10
  in
• 11:11
  the
• 11:11
  snow
• 11:12
  outside
• 11:12
  of
• 11:12
  my
• 11:12
  yard.
• 11:13
  This
• 11:13
  big
• 11:13
  sloping
• 11:14
  yard.
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  guess
• 11:15
  it's
• 11:15
  not
• 11:15
  that
• 11:16
  big
• 11:16
  but
• 11:16
  like
• 11:16
  it
• 11:17
  was
• 11:17
  nice.
• 11:18
  And
• 11:22
  my
• 11:22
  mom
• 11:22
  afterwards
• 11:23
  said
• 11:24
  kind
• 11:24
  of
• 11:24
  like
• 11:25
  the
• 11:25
  United
• 11:25
  nations
• 11:25
  were
• 11:25
  over
• 11:26
  here
• 11:27
  because
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  had
• 11:28
  picked
• 11:28
  out
• 11:28
  somebody
• 11:30
  From
• 11:30
  Kuwait
• 11:31
  that
• 11:31
  had
• 11:32
  come
• 11:32
  over,
• 11:32
  somebody
• 11:33
  from
• 11:34
  North
• 11:34
  Korea,
• 11:35
  somebody
• 11:35
  from
• 11:35
  China.
• 11:36
  All
• 11:36
  the
• 11:36
  ones
• 11:37
  who
• 11:37
  were
• 11:37
  a
• 11:37
  little
• 11:37
  bit
• 11:37
  quiet
• 11:37
  in
• 11:38
  class
• 11:38
  were
• 11:39
  the
• 11:39
  ones
• 11:39
  that
• 11:39
  I
• 11:39
  gravitated
• 11:40
  toward.
• 11:40
  All
• 11:40
  the
• 11:40
  ones
• 11:41
  with
• 11:41
  these
• 11:41
  incredible,
• 11:42
  unique
• 11:42
  experiences,
• 11:43
  like
• 11:43
  even
• 11:43
  as
• 11:43
  a
• 11:44
  kid,
• 11:44
  must
• 11:44
  have
• 11:44
  been
• 11:44
  like
• 11:44
  10
• 11:45
  or
• 11:45
  10
• 11:45
  or
• 11:45
  11,
• 11:48
  maybe
• 11:48
  younger.
• 11:50
  These
• 11:50
  were
• 11:50
  the
• 11:50
  folks
• 11:50
  I
• 11:51
  was
• 11:51
  drawn
• 11:51
  to,
• 11:52
  the
• 11:53
  so
• 11:54
  called
• 11:54
  social
• 11:54
  outcasts,
• 11:55
  the
• 11:55
  ones
• 11:56
  nobody
• 11:56
  else
• 11:56
  talked
• 11:56
  to.
• 11:56
  Those
• 11:57
  were
• 11:57
  the
• 11:57
  ones
• 11:57
  that
• 11:57
  gravitated
• 11:58
  toward.
• 11:58
  I
• 11:58
  wanted
• 11:58
  to
• 11:58
  make
• 11:59
  feel
• 11:59
  comfortable
• 11:59
  and
• 12:00
  included.
• 12:01
  And
• 12:02
  it
• 12:02
  mattered
• 12:02
  to
• 12:02
  me.
• 12:03
  It
• 12:03
  mattered
• 12:03
  to
• 12:04
  me.
• 12:04
  And
• 12:04
  they
• 12:04
  were
• 12:04
  authentic
• 12:05
  friendships
• 12:05
  too.
• 12:09
  But
• 12:09
  that's
• 12:09
  just
• 12:09
  kind
• 12:09
  of
• 12:09
  like
• 12:10
  where
• 12:10
  I
• 12:10
  gravitate
• 12:10
  towards.
• 12:11
  I
• 12:12
  had
• 12:12
  my
• 12:12
  birthday
• 12:12
  and
• 12:13
  I
• 12:13
  wanted
• 12:13
  them
• 12:13
  to
• 12:13
  feel
• 12:13
  included
• 12:14
  in
• 12:14
  it.
• 12:16
  Now,
• 12:16
  on
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  inverse,
• 12:19
  there
• 12:19
  was
• 12:19
  an
• 12:19
  instance
• 12:20
  of
• 12:20
  bullying
• 12:20
  that
• 12:20
  I
• 12:20
  took
• 12:21
  part
• 12:21
  in
• 12:21
  where
• 12:22
  somebody
• 12:22
  who
• 12:22
  was,
• 12:24
  you
• 12:24
  know,
• 12:25
  white
• 12:26
  boy,
• 12:26
  like
• 12:26
  me,
• 12:28
  but
• 12:28
  a
• 12:29
  little
• 12:29
  bit
• 12:29
  from
• 12:30
  a
• 12:31
  challenged
• 12:31
  household
• 12:32
  where
• 12:32
  he
• 12:32
  had,
• 12:33
  you
• 12:33
  know,
• 12:34
  his
• 12:34
  own
• 12:34
  issues
• 12:35
  going
• 12:35
  on
• 12:36
  and
• 12:37
  he
• 12:37
  was
• 12:37
  kind
• 12:37
  of
• 12:37
  the
• 12:37
  butt
• 12:37
  of
• 12:38
  everybody's,
• 12:38
  you
• 12:39
  know,
• 12:39
  ridicule
• 12:40
  and
• 12:40
  stuff.
• 12:40
  And.
• 12:43
  And
• 12:43
  I
• 12:44
  remember
• 12:45
  distinctly,
• 12:45
  for
• 12:46
  some
• 12:46
  reason,
• 12:46
  deciding
• 12:47
  to
• 12:47
  rub
• 12:47
  his
• 12:48
  coat
• 12:49
  in
• 12:49
  the
• 12:50
  snow
• 12:50
  or
• 12:50
  the
• 12:51
  mud
• 12:51
  or
• 12:51
  whatever
• 12:51
  it
• 12:52
  was.
• 12:52
  This
• 12:53
  is
• 12:53
  a
• 12:53
  separate
• 12:53
  instance.
• 12:54
  It
• 12:54
  wasn't
• 12:54
  my
• 12:54
  birthday.
• 12:54
  It
• 12:55
  was
• 12:55
  a
• 12:55
  different
• 12:55
  kind
• 12:55
  on
• 12:56
  like
• 12:56
  the
• 12:56
  schoolyard
• 12:57
  or
• 12:57
  something
• 12:57
  like
• 12:57
  that.
• 12:58
  Two
• 12:59
  other
• 12:59
  people
• 12:59
  were
• 12:59
  with
• 12:59
  me,
• 13:00
  a
• 13:01
  pair
• 13:01
  of
• 13:01
  twins
• 13:02
  that
• 13:02
  likewise
• 13:03
  came
• 13:03
  from
• 13:03
  like,
• 13:03
  you
• 13:04
  know,
• 13:04
  weird
• 13:04
  fucking
• 13:04
  homes.
• 13:05
  I
• 13:06
  also
• 13:06
  randomly,
• 13:07
  like
• 13:07
  started
• 13:07
  these
• 13:08
  clubs,
• 13:08
  like
• 13:09
  the
• 13:09
  Kids
• 13:09
  of
• 13:09
  Divorce
• 13:10
  Club
• 13:11
  at
• 13:11
  my
• 13:11
  elementary
• 13:12
  school
• 13:12
  that
• 13:13
  these
• 13:13
  two
• 13:13
  twins
• 13:14
  were
• 13:14
  in.
• 13:15
  And
• 13:16
  then
• 13:16
  something
• 13:17
  else
• 13:17
  for
• 13:17
  like
• 13:17
  the
• 13:18
  siblings
• 13:18
  of
• 13:18
  special
• 13:19
  needs
• 13:19
  that
• 13:19
  I
• 13:19
  did
• 13:19
  at
• 13:19
  Yale,
• 13:20
  New
• 13:20
  Haven
• 13:20
  Hospital.
• 13:21
  So
• 13:21
  I
• 13:21
  constantly
• 13:22
  was
• 13:22
  craving
• 13:23
  connection
• 13:23
  with
• 13:23
  all
• 13:23
  these
• 13:24
  folks
• 13:24
  who
• 13:24
  likewise
• 13:24
  were
• 13:25
  just
• 13:26
  bombarded
• 13:26
  by
• 13:26
  life
• 13:27
  very
• 13:27
  early
• 13:27
  and
• 13:27
  trying
• 13:27
  to
• 13:28
  find
• 13:28
  a
• 13:28
  foot,
• 13:30
  a
• 13:30
  foothold.
• 13:31
  But
• 13:32
  it
• 13:32
  also
• 13:32
  resulted
• 13:33
  in
• 13:33
  me
• 13:34
  doing
• 13:34
  this
• 13:34
  instance
• 13:35
  of
• 13:35
  bullying
• 13:36
  and
• 13:36
  fucking
• 13:36
  up
• 13:36
  this
• 13:37
  kid's
• 13:37
  coat
• 13:37
  where
• 13:37
  he
• 13:37
  probably
• 13:38
  didn't
• 13:38
  have
• 13:38
  money
• 13:38
  for
• 13:38
  another
• 13:39
  coat.
• 13:40
  And
• 13:42
  I
• 13:42
  was
• 13:43
  brought
• 13:43
  into
• 13:43
  the
• 13:44
  principal's
• 13:44
  office
• 13:44
  or
• 13:45
  the
• 13:45
  grand
• 13:45
  scheduled
• 13:45
  office,
• 13:46
  whatever
• 13:46
  it
• 13:46
  was.
• 13:46
  And
• 13:47
  they
• 13:47
  asked
• 13:47
  me
• 13:48
  what
• 13:48
  happened
• 13:50
  and
• 13:50
  asked
• 13:50
  me
• 13:51
  if
• 13:51
  anybody
• 13:51
  else
• 13:51
  was
• 13:51
  involved.
• 13:53
  And
• 13:55
  I
• 13:55
  don't
• 13:56
  know
• 13:56
  what
• 13:57
  came
• 13:57
  over
• 13:58
  me,
• 13:58
  but
• 13:58
  I
• 13:59
  didn't
• 13:59
  mention
• 13:59
  the
• 13:59
  other
• 13:59
  people
• 14:00
  at
• 14:00
  all.
• 14:00
  I
• 14:00
  was
• 14:00
  just
• 14:00
  like,
• 14:01
  no,
• 14:01
  that
• 14:01
  was
• 14:01
  me.
• 14:01
  I
• 14:01
  did
• 14:01
  it.
• 14:04
  And
• 14:05
  in
• 14:05
  a
• 14:05
  way
• 14:05
  that
• 14:06
  I
• 14:06
  don't
• 14:06
  think
• 14:06
  is
• 14:08
  appropriate,
• 14:08
  given
• 14:09
  what
• 14:09
  the
• 14:10
  act
• 14:10
  was.
• 14:10
  I
• 14:10
  was
• 14:10
  kind
• 14:11
  of
• 14:11
  let
• 14:11
  off
• 14:11
  for
• 14:11
  my
• 14:11
  honesty
• 14:13
  and
• 14:13
  not
• 14:13
  really
• 14:13
  punished.
• 14:14
  But
• 14:15
  I'm
• 14:15
  pointing
• 14:15
  to
• 14:15
  this
• 14:15
  instance
• 14:16
  because
• 14:16
  it
• 14:16
  stuck
• 14:16
  with
• 14:16
  me
• 14:17
  for
• 14:17
  over,
• 14:17
  whatever
• 14:18
  it
• 14:18
  is,
• 14:18
  30
• 14:18
  years.
• 14:19
  Stuck
• 14:19
  with
• 14:19
  me
• 14:19
  for
• 14:19
  over
• 14:20
  30
• 14:20
  years.
• 14:20
  Why
• 14:20
  the
• 14:20
  fuck
• 14:21
  did
• 14:21
  I
• 14:21
  fuck
• 14:21
  up
• 14:21
  this
• 14:21
  poor
• 14:22
  kid's
• 14:22
  coat?
• 14:23
  And
• 14:24
  I
• 14:24
  think
• 14:24
  that
• 14:24
  it
• 14:24
  had
• 14:25
  to
• 14:25
  do
• 14:25
  with
• 14:26
  this
• 14:26
  idea
• 14:26
  of
• 14:26
  kindness
• 14:27
  and
• 14:27
  capacity
• 14:28
  where,
• 14:28
  like,
• 14:28
  I
• 14:29
  was
• 14:29
  really
• 14:30
  angry.
• 14:31
  I
• 14:31
  was
• 14:32
  really
• 14:32
  fucking
• 14:33
  angry
• 14:33
  that
• 14:33
  they.
• 14:36
  I
• 14:37
  was
• 14:37
  just
• 14:37
  angry.
• 14:38
  I
• 14:38
  don't
• 14:38
  know
• 14:38
  that
• 14:38
  there's
• 14:39
  something
• 14:40
  intuitive
• 14:41
  to
• 14:41
  point
• 14:41
  to
• 14:45
  or
• 14:45
  an
• 14:45
  object
• 14:46
  that
• 14:46
  makes
• 14:47
  sense
• 14:47
  as
• 14:47
  to
• 14:48
  why
• 14:48
  I
• 14:48
  was
• 14:48
  so
• 14:48
  angry.
• 14:48
  But
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  know
• 14:49
  that
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  felt
• 14:49
  isolated.
• 14:50
  I
• 14:50
  know
• 14:51
  I
• 14:51
  felt
• 14:51
  misunderstood.
• 14:52
  I
• 14:52
  know
• 14:52
  I
• 14:53
  felt
• 14:53
  alone.
• 14:53
  When
• 14:54
  I
• 14:54
  was
• 14:54
  a
• 14:54
  very
• 14:54
  young
• 14:54
  kid.
• 14:55
  I
• 14:55
  have
• 14:57
  distinct
• 14:57
  memories
• 14:58
  that
• 14:59
  came
• 14:59
  up
• 14:59
  during
• 14:59
  an
• 14:59
  acting
• 15:00
  exercise
• 15:00
  and
• 15:00
  have
• 15:01
  stuck
• 15:01
  with
• 15:01
  me
• 15:01
  where
• 15:02
  I
• 15:02
  would
• 15:02
  basically,
• 15:03
  like,
• 15:03
  curl
• 15:03
  up
• 15:04
  in
• 15:04
  a
• 15:04
  ball
• 15:04
  on
• 15:04
  the
• 15:04
  floor
• 15:05
  when
• 15:05
  I
• 15:05
  was
• 15:05
  like,
• 15:05
  whatever,
• 15:06
  two
• 15:06
  to
• 15:06
  four
• 15:06
  years
• 15:06
  old
• 15:07
  and
• 15:07
  just
• 15:08
  rock
• 15:08
  back
• 15:08
  and
• 15:08
  forth,
• 15:08
  being
• 15:09
  like,
• 15:09
  nobody
• 15:09
  loves
• 15:09
  me.
• 15:09
  Nobody
• 15:10
  cares.
• 15:10
  Nobody
• 15:10
  loves
• 15:11
  me.
• 15:11
  Nobody
• 15:11
  cares.
• 15:13
  So,
• 15:14
  you
• 15:14
  know,
• 15:15
  kids
• 15:15
  learn
• 15:15
  that
• 15:15
  shit.
• 15:16
  They
• 15:16
  aren't
• 15:16
  burned
• 15:16
  with
• 15:17
  that.
• 15:17
  They
• 15:18
  aren't
• 15:18
  born
• 15:18
  with
• 15:18
  that.
• 15:21
  So
• 15:21
  there
• 15:21
  was
• 15:21
  some
• 15:21
  rage
• 15:22
  in
• 15:22
  me.
• 15:22
  There
• 15:22
  was
• 15:23
  also
• 15:23
  some
• 15:23
  desire
• 15:24
  to
• 15:24
  provide
• 15:25
  a
• 15:25
  safe
• 15:25
  haven
• 15:25
  for
• 15:26
  folks.
• 15:26
  And
• 15:26
  this
• 15:26
  duality
• 15:27
  existed
• 15:27
  at
• 15:28
  the
• 15:28
  same
• 15:28
  time
• 15:28
  without
• 15:29
  me
• 15:29
  really
• 15:29
  having
• 15:30
  a
• 15:30
  sense
• 15:30
  of
• 15:30
  who
• 15:31
  I
• 15:31
  was
• 15:32
  or
• 15:33
  how
• 15:34
  to
• 15:34
  find
• 15:34
  or
• 15:35
  communicate
• 15:35
  about
• 15:36
  some
• 15:36
  support
• 15:37
  of
• 15:37
  my
• 15:37
  own.
• 15:38
  And,
• 15:38
  you
• 15:38
  know,
• 15:39
  to
• 15:39
  some
• 15:39
  extent,
• 15:39
  everybody
• 15:40
  finds
• 15:40
  their
• 15:40
  way
• 15:41
  when
• 15:41
  they're
• 15:41
  young
• 15:41
  and,
• 15:42
  you
• 15:43
  know,
• 15:43
  everybody
• 15:43
  feels
• 15:44
  lost
• 15:44
  and
• 15:44
  all
• 15:44
  that
• 15:44
  stuff.
• 15:45
  I'm
• 15:45
  not
• 15:45
  erasing
• 15:46
  my
• 15:46
  experience.
• 15:46
  I'm
• 15:46
  just
• 15:47
  pointing
• 15:47
  to
• 15:47
  commonality.
• 15:49
  It's
• 15:49
  not
• 15:49
  unique.
• 15:52
  So
• 15:52
  this
• 15:52
  desire
• 15:54
  for
• 15:54
  connection
• 15:55
  kind
• 15:55
  of
• 15:56
  played
• 15:56
  into
• 15:57
  early
• 15:57
  romantic
• 15:58
  things
• 15:58
  where
• 15:58
  I
• 15:59
  really
• 15:59
  didn't
• 15:59
  date
• 16:00
  very
• 16:01
  much
• 16:02
  in
• 16:03
  high
• 16:03
  school.
• 16:06
  But
• 16:06
  because
• 16:06
  of
• 16:07
  this
• 16:08
  desire
• 16:09
  to
• 16:10
  truly
• 16:10
  connect
• 16:11
  when
• 16:11
  I
• 16:11
  did
• 16:11
  become
• 16:11
  romantically
• 16:12
  involved
• 16:12
  with
• 16:13
  folks,
• 16:13
  I
• 16:13
  would
• 16:13
  basically
• 16:14
  hope
• 16:14
  for
• 16:14
  truth
• 16:15
  or
• 16:15
  nothing
• 16:15
  at
• 16:15
  all.
• 16:17
  I
• 16:17
  would
• 16:18
  want
• 16:18
  honesty.
• 16:19
  Let's
• 16:19
  be
• 16:19
  honest.
• 16:20
  Let's
• 16:20
  be
• 16:20
  honest.
• 16:21
  I
• 16:21
  want
• 16:21
  to
• 16:21
  chase
• 16:22
  something
• 16:22
  real.
• 16:23
  And
• 16:26
  the
• 16:27
  thing
• 16:27
  about
• 16:27
  honesty
• 16:28
  and
• 16:29
  being
• 16:29
  forthrighted
• 16:30
  with
• 16:30
  it
• 16:31
  is
• 16:31
  that
• 16:32
  there's
• 16:32
  lots
• 16:32
  of
• 16:32
  different
• 16:33
  things
• 16:33
  that
• 16:33
  can
• 16:33
  be
• 16:33
  honestly
• 16:34
  communicated.
• 16:34
  Some
• 16:35
  of
• 16:35
  it
• 16:35
  ain't
• 16:35
  great.
• 16:36
  Sometimes
• 16:37
  the
• 16:37
  people
• 16:37
  most
• 16:37
  willing
• 16:37
  to
• 16:38
  be
• 16:38
  raw
• 16:38
  and
• 16:40
  honest,
• 16:40
  so
• 16:41
  to
• 16:41
  speak,
• 16:41
  are
• 16:41
  ones
• 16:41
  who
• 16:42
  will
• 16:42
  mistreat
• 16:42
  you.
• 16:44
  And
• 16:44
  I
• 16:44
  perpetuated
• 16:45
  that
• 16:45
  for
• 16:45
  a
• 16:45
  little
• 16:45
  while.
• 16:45
  If
• 16:46
  folks
• 16:46
  want
• 16:46
  to
• 16:46
  read
• 16:47
  my
• 16:47
  first
• 16:47
  novel,
• 16:47
  Concrete
• 16:48
  Fever,
• 16:49
  those
• 16:49
  two
• 16:50
  main
• 16:50
  characters,
• 16:50
  like,
• 16:50
  there's
• 16:51
  love
• 16:51
  between
• 16:51
  them,
• 16:52
  but
• 16:52
  they
• 16:52
  aren't
• 16:52
  treating
• 16:52
  each
• 16:53
  other
• 16:53
  very
• 16:53
  well.
• 16:54
  Like,
• 16:54
  they're
• 16:55
  all
• 16:55
  about
• 16:55
  honesty
• 16:56
  or
• 16:57
  nothing
• 16:58
  else
• 16:58
  at
• 16:58
  all.
• 16:59
  But,
• 17:00
  like,
• 17:00
  there's.
• 17:00
  There's
• 17:01
  some
• 17:01
  stuff
• 17:01
  being
• 17:01
  exchanged
• 17:02
  that
• 17:02
  is
• 17:03
  visceral
• 17:03
  and
• 17:04
  raw
• 17:04
  and
• 17:05
  hungry
• 17:06
  and
• 17:06
  passionate,
• 17:07
  but
• 17:07
  also,
• 17:07
  like,
• 17:08
  quite
• 17:08
  hurtful.
• 17:09
  And
• 17:10
  that
• 17:10
  was
• 17:10
  my
• 17:10
  vision
• 17:10
  of
• 17:11
  ultimate
• 17:11
  love.
• 17:12
  That
• 17:12
  was
• 17:12
  my
• 17:12
  vision
• 17:13
  of,
• 17:13
  like,
• 17:13
  what
• 17:13
  true
• 17:14
  connection
• 17:14
  was,
• 17:14
  and
• 17:15
  that's
• 17:15
  what
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  carried
• 17:15
  forward
• 17:16
  for
• 17:16
  a
• 17:16
  long
• 17:16
  time,
• 17:17
  was
• 17:18
  honesty
• 17:19
  as
• 17:19
  mistreatment.
• 17:22
  Now,
• 17:23
  if
• 17:23
  we'd
• 17:23
  boil
• 17:24
  that
• 17:24
  back
• 17:25
  and
• 17:25
  see
• 17:26
  that
• 17:26
  connection
• 17:27
  is
• 17:27
  the
• 17:27
  thing.
• 17:29
  Connection
• 17:29
  is
• 17:29
  the
• 17:30
  thing.
• 17:32
  At
• 17:32
  least
• 17:32
  so
• 17:32
  I
• 17:32
  thought
• 17:33
  back
• 17:33
  then.
• 17:34
  I've
• 17:34
  come
• 17:34
  to
• 17:34
  change
• 17:35
  my
• 17:35
  mind
• 17:35
  and
• 17:35
  think
• 17:36
  that
• 17:36
  connection,
• 17:38
  it
• 17:38
  comes
• 17:38
  secondary
• 17:39
  to
• 17:40
  self
• 17:40
  reliance.
• 17:42
  Self
• 17:42
  reliance
• 17:42
  is
• 17:43
  bigger.
• 17:44
  I've
• 17:44
  made
• 17:44
  a
• 17:45
  big
• 17:45
  effort
• 17:47
  to
• 17:48
  sit
• 17:48
  in
• 17:48
  silence
• 17:50
  and
• 17:50
  examine
• 17:51
  things
• 17:51
  about
• 17:51
  myself
• 17:52
  and
• 17:52
  examine
• 17:52
  things
• 17:52
  about
• 17:53
  the
• 17:53
  relationships
• 17:54
  that
• 17:54
  I
• 17:55
  get
• 17:55
  into.
• 17:55
  Both
• 17:55
  not
• 17:56
  just
• 17:56
  romantic,
• 17:56
  but
• 17:57
  across
• 17:57
  the
• 17:57
  board,
• 17:59
  to
• 17:59
  really
• 17:59
  tune
• 17:59
  into
• 18:00
  what
• 18:00
  feeds
• 18:01
  the
• 18:02
  heart
• 18:02
  center,
• 18:03
  the
• 18:04
  tender
• 18:04
  heart
• 18:04
  center
• 18:04
  that
• 18:05
  I
• 18:05
  have
• 18:05
  in
• 18:05
  me
• 18:05
  and
• 18:05
  the
• 18:05
  dreams
• 18:06
  that
• 18:06
  I
• 18:06
  want
• 18:06
  to
• 18:06
  achieve
• 18:06
  and
• 18:07
  the
• 18:07
  life
• 18:07
  I
• 18:07
  want
• 18:07
  to
• 18:07
  lead,
• 18:08
  which
• 18:08
  relationships
• 18:09
  actually
• 18:09
  matter
• 18:10
  and
• 18:10
  align
• 18:10
  with
• 18:11
  what
• 18:11
  I
• 18:11
  want
• 18:13
  and
• 18:13
  show
• 18:13
  up
• 18:13
  for
• 18:13
  me
• 18:14
  as
• 18:14
  I
• 18:14
  show
• 18:14
  up
• 18:14
  for
• 18:15
  them.
• 18:16
  So
• 18:16
  self
• 18:16
  reliance
• 18:17
  is
• 18:17
  bigger.
• 18:18
  And
• 18:18
  as
• 18:18
  I
• 18:19
  build
• 18:19
  this
• 18:19
  house,
• 18:19
  the
• 18:20
  house
• 18:20
  that
• 18:20
  Nathaniel
• 18:21
  built,
• 18:21
  as
• 18:22
  I
• 18:22
  peacock
• 18:22
  my
• 18:23
  way
• 18:23
  through
• 18:23
  this
• 18:24
  life,
• 18:27
  I'm
• 18:27
  having
• 18:27
  to
• 18:27
  relearn
• 18:28
  these
• 18:28
  lessons
• 18:29
  because
• 18:29
  the
• 18:30
  dynamic
• 18:30
  is
• 18:30
  changing.
• 18:32
  As
• 18:33
  I
• 18:33
  work
• 18:33
  really
• 18:34
  hard
• 18:34
  and
• 18:34
  that
• 18:34
  work
• 18:35
  comes
• 18:35
  across
• 18:35
  to
• 18:35
  others
• 18:36
  as
• 18:36
  I
• 18:36
  succeed
• 18:36
  in
• 18:37
  certain
• 18:37
  things
• 18:37
  and
• 18:37
  that
• 18:38
  success
• 18:38
  comes
• 18:38
  across
• 18:38
  to
• 18:39
  others.
• 18:39
  A
• 18:39
  lot
• 18:39
  of
• 18:39
  energies
• 18:41
  are
• 18:41
  coming
• 18:41
  my
• 18:41
  way.
• 18:43
  A
• 18:43
  lot
• 18:43
  of
• 18:43
  them
• 18:44
  are
• 18:44
  good
• 18:45
  and
• 18:45
  some
• 18:45
  of
• 18:46
  them
• 18:46
  are
• 18:46
  bad.
• 18:48
  Some
• 18:48
  of
• 18:48
  them
• 18:49
  are
• 18:49
  bad.
• 18:49
  And
• 18:50
  so
• 18:50
  discernment
• 18:51
  is
• 18:51
  proving
• 18:52
  necessary
• 18:53
  because
• 18:53
  I
• 18:54
  am
• 18:54
  very
• 18:54
  much
• 18:54
  still
• 18:55
  the
• 18:55
  tender
• 18:55
  heart.
• 18:57
  I
• 18:57
  very
• 18:57
  much
• 18:57
  still
• 18:58
  want
• 18:58
  to
• 18:58
  be
• 18:59
  fully
• 19:00
  available
• 19:01
  to
• 19:02
  everybody,
• 19:03
  to
• 19:04
  everybody
• 19:06
  that
• 19:06
  I
• 19:06
  can
• 19:06
  prove
• 19:07
  a
• 19:07
  little
• 19:07
  bit
• 19:07
  of
• 19:08
  solace
• 19:08
  or
• 19:08
  joy
• 19:09
  or
• 19:09
  tenderness
• 19:10
  to.
• 19:10
  I
• 19:11
  genuinely
• 19:11
  want
• 19:11
  to
• 19:11
  do
• 19:12
  that.
• 19:12
  And
• 19:13
  that's
• 19:13
  just
• 19:13
  plain
• 19:13
  impossible
• 19:15
  because
• 19:17
  I
• 19:18
  can't
• 19:18
  build
• 19:18
  the
• 19:18
  house
• 19:20
  if
• 19:20
  every
• 19:20
  time
• 19:20
  I
• 19:21
  pick
• 19:21
  up
• 19:21
  the
• 19:21
  hammer,
• 19:22
  every
• 19:23
  time
• 19:23
  I
• 19:23
  pick
• 19:23
  up
• 19:23
  the
• 19:23
  screw
• 19:24
  gun,
• 19:25
  I
• 19:26
  put
• 19:26
  it
• 19:26
  right
• 19:26
  back
• 19:26
  down
• 19:27
  to
• 19:27
  make
• 19:27
  sure
• 19:27
  everybody
• 19:28
  who's
• 19:28
  watching
• 19:28
  on
• 19:30
  is
• 19:30
  hydrated.
• 19:33
  I
• 19:33
  can't
• 19:33
  build
• 19:34
  if
• 19:34
  I'm
• 19:34
  constantly
• 19:35
  stopping
• 19:35
  what
• 19:35
  I'm
• 19:36
  doing
• 19:36
  to
• 19:36
  make
• 19:36
  sure
• 19:37
  everybody's
• 19:37
  okay.
• 19:40
  Going
• 19:40
  back
• 19:42
  to
• 19:42
  self
• 19:42
  reliance
• 19:43
  is
• 19:44
  more
• 19:44
  important
• 19:45
  than
• 19:47
  connection.
• 19:49
  It
• 19:49
  comes
• 19:49
  down
• 19:49
  to
• 19:50
  remaining
• 19:51
  and
• 19:51
  staying
• 19:52
  true
• 19:52
  to
• 19:52
  my
• 19:52
  authentic
• 19:53
  self,
• 19:53
  continuing
• 19:54
  to
• 19:54
  build
• 19:54
  the
• 19:54
  house,
• 19:55
  do
• 19:55
  the
• 19:56
  thing
• 19:56
  and
• 19:56
  understand
• 19:57
  that
• 19:57
  it
• 19:57
  will
• 19:57
  not
• 19:58
  fit
• 19:58
  everyone.
• 19:58
  And
• 19:58
  that
• 19:59
  is
• 19:59
  okay.
• 20:00
  Kindness
• 20:01
  for
• 20:01
  self
• 20:01
  is
• 20:01
  paramount.
• 20:04
  And
• 20:04
  despite
• 20:05
  my
• 20:06
  true
• 20:07
  best
• 20:07
  efforts
• 20:10
  or
• 20:11
  desire,
• 20:12
  rather
• 20:15
  to
• 20:16
  make
• 20:16
  sure
• 20:16
  everyone's
• 20:17
  hydrated
• 20:17
  on
• 20:17
  the
• 20:17
  sidelines,
• 20:18
  I
• 20:18
  got
• 20:18
  my
• 20:19
  hands
• 20:19
  full
• 20:20
  and
• 20:20
  I
• 20:20
  got
• 20:20
  the
• 20:20
  people
• 20:20
  I
• 20:21
  am
• 20:21
  showing
• 20:21
  up
• 20:21
  for
• 20:23
  to
• 20:23
  the
• 20:23
  best
• 20:24
  of
• 20:24
  my
• 20:24
  ability
• 20:24
  in
• 20:24
  each
• 20:25
  case.
• 20:25
  And
• 20:26
  that's
• 20:26
  what
• 20:26
  I
• 20:26
  got.
• 20:27
  That's
• 20:27
  the
• 20:27
  capacity
• 20:28
  I
• 20:28
  got.
• 20:28
  And
• 20:28
  it
• 20:29
  is
• 20:29
  not
• 20:30
  pie
• 20:30
  in
• 20:30
  the
• 20:30
  sky,
• 20:31
  overwhelming
• 20:32
  thousand
• 20:32
  percent
• 20:32
  kindness
• 20:33
  all
• 20:33
  the
• 20:33
  time.
• 20:34
  There's
• 20:34
  that
• 20:34
  other
• 20:35
  show,
• 20:36
  you
• 20:36
  know,
• 20:37
  there
• 20:37
  are
• 20:37
  a
• 20:37
  bunch
• 20:37
  of
• 20:37
  shows
• 20:38
  in
• 20:38
  development
• 20:38
  right
• 20:38
  now.
• 20:38
  We'll
• 20:39
  see
• 20:39
  how
• 20:39
  and
• 20:39
  when
• 20:40
  they
• 20:40
  go
• 20:40
  live.
• 20:41
  But
• 20:42
  one
• 20:42
  is
• 20:42
  called
• 20:42
  I
• 20:42
  have
• 20:42
  Mono.
• 20:43
  And
• 20:43
  it
• 20:43
  focuses
• 20:44
  on
• 20:44
  actors
• 20:45
  talking
• 20:45
  about
• 20:46
  monologues
• 20:46
  that
• 20:46
  they,
• 20:48
  that
• 20:48
  they,
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  know,
• 20:49
  dream
• 20:49
  perform
• 20:50
  or
• 20:50
  you
• 20:50
  know,
• 20:50
  are
• 20:50
  inspired
• 20:51
  by
• 20:51
  and
• 20:51
  Then
• 20:51
  it
• 20:51
  gets
• 20:52
  into
• 20:52
  all
• 20:52
  kinds
• 20:52
  of
• 20:52
  deep
• 20:53
  talk.
• 20:53
  And
• 20:53
  Renee
• 20:53
  Michelle
• 20:54
  from
• 20:54
  Naked
• 20:55
  Angels
• 20:55
  was
• 20:55
  on
• 20:55
  a
• 20:57
  recent
• 20:57
  sit
• 20:57
  down
• 20:58
  we
• 20:58
  recorded.
• 20:58
  And
• 20:58
  she
• 20:59
  reflected
• 21:00
  back
• 21:00
  on
• 21:00
  first
• 21:01
  meeting
• 21:01
  me
• 21:02
  a
• 21:02
  year
• 21:02
  and
• 21:02
  a
• 21:02
  half
• 21:03
  ago
• 21:03
  and
• 21:03
  how
• 21:04
  she
• 21:04
  wondered,
• 21:04
  how
• 21:04
  is
• 21:04
  this
• 21:04
  person
• 21:05
  so
• 21:05
  nice?
• 21:06
  How
• 21:06
  is
• 21:06
  this
• 21:06
  person
• 21:06
  so
• 21:07
  nice?
• 21:08
  My
• 21:08
  response
• 21:08
  was,
• 21:08
  I'm
• 21:09
  not
• 21:09
  nice
• 21:09
  all
• 21:09
  the
• 21:10
  time,
• 21:10
  but
• 21:10
  I
• 21:10
  genuinely
• 21:11
  care
• 21:11
  to
• 21:11
  show
• 21:11
  up
• 21:12
  the
• 21:12
  best
• 21:12
  I
• 21:12
  can.
• 21:14
  And
• 21:14
  I'm
• 21:14
  making
• 21:15
  peace
• 21:15
  more
• 21:15
  and
• 21:15
  more
• 21:15
  with
• 21:16
  not
• 21:16
  being
• 21:16
  able
• 21:16
  to
• 21:16
  be
• 21:17
  overwhelmingly
• 21:18
  nice
• 21:19
  and
• 21:19
  accommodating
• 21:20
  and
• 21:20
  available.
• 21:22
  I
• 21:22
  just
• 21:22
  can't.
• 21:22
  I
• 21:23
  think
• 21:23
  that
• 21:23
  this
• 21:23
  is
• 21:23
  a.
• 21:25
  This
• 21:25
  is
• 21:25
  a
• 21:25
  good
• 21:25
  problem
• 21:26
  to
• 21:26
  have
• 21:27
  to
• 21:27
  be
• 21:28
  pulled,
• 21:28
  to
• 21:28
  be
• 21:28
  fully
• 21:29
  available
• 21:29
  and
• 21:30
  caring
• 21:30
  and
• 21:32
  admitting
• 21:33
  when
• 21:34
  I
• 21:34
  don't
• 21:35
  got
• 21:35
  more
• 21:35
  to
• 21:35
  give.
• 21:37
  But
• 21:37
  I
• 21:37
  can
• 21:38
  also
• 21:38
  see
• 21:38
  it
• 21:38
  being
• 21:38
  hard
• 21:39
  from
• 21:39
  the
• 21:39
  other
• 21:39
  side.
• 21:40
  It's
• 21:40
  hard
• 21:41
  to
• 21:41
  express
• 21:41
  it.
• 21:44
  So
• 21:44
  really,
• 21:44
  before
• 21:45
  diving
• 21:45
  into
• 21:45
  the
• 21:46
  editing
• 21:46
  day
• 21:47
  I
• 21:47
  have
• 21:47
  ahead
• 21:47
  of
• 21:47
  me
• 21:48
  and
• 21:48
  getting
• 21:48
  Ginger
• 21:49
  back
• 21:49
  from
• 21:49
  my
• 21:49
  ex,
• 21:50
  which
• 21:50
  I'm
• 21:50
  excited
• 21:50
  about,
• 21:51
  I
• 21:51
  get
• 21:51
  to
• 21:51
  cuddle
• 21:51
  with
• 21:52
  the
• 21:52
  puppy
• 21:52
  all
• 21:52
  weekend.
• 21:53
  While
• 21:53
  working
• 21:53
  hard,
• 21:55
  I'm
• 21:55
  going
• 21:55
  to
• 21:55
  take
• 21:55
  this
• 21:55
  opportunity
• 21:56
  to
• 21:56
  kind
• 21:56
  of
• 21:57
  just
• 21:57
  say,
• 21:57
  rest
• 21:58
  in
• 21:58
  peace
• 21:59
  to
• 21:59
  the
• 22:00
  white
• 22:00
  knight
• 22:00
  in
• 22:01
  me,
• 22:01
  the
• 22:02
  one
• 22:02
  who
• 22:02
  wishes
• 22:04
  to
• 22:04
  solve
• 22:04
  every
• 22:05
  problem,
• 22:05
  that
• 22:06
  wishes
• 22:06
  to
• 22:06
  ride
• 22:06
  in
• 22:07
  on
• 22:07
  that
• 22:07
  white
• 22:07
  horse
• 22:08
  and
• 22:08
  give
• 22:08
  every
• 22:09
  solution.
• 22:09
  I'm
• 22:10
  gonna
• 22:10
  say,
• 22:11
  rest
• 22:12
  in
• 22:12
  peace.
• 22:15
  Rest
• 22:15
  in
• 22:15
  peace,
• 22:16
  white
• 22:16
  knight.
• 22:16
  Nathaniel,
• 22:18
  you
• 22:18
  cannot
• 22:19
  fix
• 22:19
  your
• 22:19
  sister's
• 22:20
  condition.
• 22:21
  You
• 22:22
  cannot
• 22:22
  be
• 22:22
  infinitely
• 22:23
  available
• 22:23
  to
• 22:24
  other
• 22:24
  people
• 22:24
  in
• 22:25
  this
• 22:25
  world.
• 22:26
  You
• 22:26
  need
• 22:26
  to
• 22:27
  show
• 22:27
  up
• 22:27
  for
• 22:27
  yourself
• 22:29
  and
• 22:29
  your
• 22:29
  truest
• 22:30
  self,
• 22:31
  and
• 22:31
  that
• 22:31
  is
• 22:31
  how
• 22:32
  you
• 22:32
  best
• 22:32
  serve
• 22:32
  others.
• 22:34
  And
• 22:34
  you
• 22:34
  have
• 22:34
  to
• 22:34
  make
• 22:35
  peace
• 22:35
  with
• 22:35
  letting
• 22:36
  people
• 22:36
  down.
• 22:39
  I
• 22:39
  have
• 22:39
  to
• 22:40
  make
• 22:40
  peace
• 22:41
  with
• 22:41
  letting
• 22:42
  people
• 22:42
  down.
• 22:44
  I
• 22:44
  have
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  make
• 22:45
  peace
• 22:45
  with
• 22:46
  letting
• 22:46
  people
• 22:46
  down.
• 22:48
  I
• 22:48
  have
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  make
• 22:48
  peace
• 22:49
  with
• 22:49
  letting
• 22:49
  people
• 22:49
  down.
• 22:53
  I
• 22:53
  want
• 22:53
  this
• 22:56
  funeral
• 22:56
  pyre
• 22:58
  for
• 22:58
  the
• 22:58
  white
• 22:58
  knight
• 22:58
  in
• 22:59
  me
• 22:59
  to
• 22:59
  be
• 22:59
  a
• 22:59
  celebration.
• 23:01
  So
• 23:01
  my
• 23:02
  intention
• 23:02
  today
• 23:02
  as
• 23:03
  I
• 23:03
  build
• 23:03
  this
• 23:03
  house
• 23:05
  is
• 23:05
  the
• 23:05
  thing
• 23:05
  about
• 23:05
  the
• 23:06
  string
• 23:06
  lights.
• 23:06
  I'm
• 23:06
  going
• 23:06
  to
• 23:07
  string
• 23:07
  all
• 23:07
  around
• 23:07
  it
• 23:08
  so
• 23:08
  they're
• 23:09
  glimmery
• 23:09
  and
• 23:09
  warm
• 23:10
  and
• 23:10
  incandescent
• 23:11
  and
• 23:11
  romantic
• 23:12
  as
• 23:12
  fuck.
• 23:13
  A
• 23:13
  big
• 23:13
  old
• 23:14
  potluck
• 23:14
  banquet
• 23:15
  for
• 23:15
  everybody
• 23:15
  to
• 23:15
  show
• 23:16
  up
• 23:16
  at
• 23:16
  and
• 23:16
  eat
• 23:16
  whatever
• 23:17
  they
• 23:17
  want
• 23:17
  to.
• 23:21
  That
• 23:21
  potluck
• 23:21
  will
• 23:21
  be
• 23:22
  different
• 23:22
  for
• 23:22
  everybody
• 23:22
  who
• 23:22
  shows
• 23:23
  up.
• 23:24
  Some
• 23:25
  might
• 23:25
  just
• 23:25
  swing
• 23:25
  by
• 23:25
  for
• 23:26
  a
• 23:26
  few
• 23:26
  minutes.
• 23:26
  Some
• 23:26
  might
• 23:27
  stay
• 23:27
  a
• 23:27
  while.
• 23:28
  But
• 23:29
  I
• 23:29
  want
• 23:29
  the
• 23:29
  celebration
• 23:30
  at
• 23:31
  the
• 23:31
  house
• 23:31
  I
• 23:31
  am
• 23:31
  building
• 23:32
  to
• 23:32
  be
• 23:33
  ongoing,
• 23:33
  perpetual
• 23:34
  and
• 23:34
  beautiful.
• 23:37
  And
• 23:37
  I
• 23:37
  would
• 23:37
  also
• 23:38
  very
• 23:38
  much
• 23:39
  like
• 23:40
  expansive
• 23:41
  moments
• 23:42
  of
• 23:42
  calm
• 23:42
  and
• 23:42
  quiet
• 23:43
  where
• 23:43
  the
• 23:43
  house
• 23:44
  is
• 23:44
  all
• 23:44
  my
• 23:44
  own,
• 23:45
  where
• 23:46
  I
• 23:46
  have
• 23:46
  a
• 23:46
  safe
• 23:46
  haven
• 23:47
  to
• 23:47
  call
• 23:47
  my
• 23:47
  own.
• 23:52
  I'm
• 23:53
  envisioning
• 23:53
  this
• 23:53
  house
• 23:54
  I'm
• 23:54
  building
• 23:54
  as
• 23:54
  a
• 23:55
  big
• 23:55
  old
• 23:55
  barn.
• 23:57
  A
• 23:57
  big
• 23:57
  old
• 23:58
  barn,
• 24:00
  maybe
• 24:00
  with
• 24:00
  a
• 24:00
  wood
• 24:00
  shop
• 24:01
  in
• 24:01
  it,
• 24:02
  maybe
• 24:03
  with
• 24:03
  an
• 24:03
  art
• 24:03
  studio
• 24:04
  and
• 24:04
  a
• 24:04
  clawfoot
• 24:05
  tub.
• 24:08
  Maybe
• 24:08
  I
• 24:08
  don't
• 24:08
  have
• 24:08
  to
• 24:09
  build
• 24:09
  it
• 24:09
  alone.
• 24:12
  Maybe
• 24:12
  there
• 24:12
  are
• 24:12
  others
• 24:13
  that
• 24:15
  align
• 24:16
  with
• 24:16
  my
• 24:16
  truest
• 24:16
  self.
• 24:18
  That'd
• 24:19
  be
• 24:19
  beautiful.
• 24:21
  I
• 24:22
  want
• 24:22
  to
• 24:22
  smell
• 24:22
  flowers
• 24:23
  and
• 24:23
  grow
• 24:23
  veggies.
• 24:24
  I
• 24:24
  want
• 24:24
  to
• 24:25
  be
• 24:25
  around
• 24:25
  furry
• 24:25
  critters.
• 24:28
  I
• 24:28
  want
• 24:28
  to
• 24:28
  have
• 24:28
  a
• 24:29
  foothold
• 24:29
  here
• 24:29
  in
• 24:29
  the
• 24:29
  city
• 24:29
  and
• 24:30
  all
• 24:30
  the
• 24:30
  communities
• 24:30
  and
• 24:30
  artistic
• 24:31
  happenings
• 24:31
  that
• 24:32
  feed
• 24:32
  me.
• 24:34
  I
• 24:34
  want
• 24:34
  to
• 24:34
  feel
• 24:34
  the
• 24:35
  triumph
• 24:36
  of
• 24:36
  the
• 24:37
  house
• 24:37
  that
• 24:37
  Jack
• 24:37
  built
• 24:38
  even
• 24:39
  as
• 24:40
  I
• 24:41
  am
• 24:41
  building
• 24:41
  it.
• 24:44
  And
• 24:44
  I
• 24:44
  think
• 24:44
  in
• 24:45
  my
• 24:45
  better
• 24:45
  moments,
• 24:45
  I
• 24:46
  do.
• 24:48
  I
• 24:49
  feel
• 24:49
  lighter
• 24:49
  having
• 24:50
  recorded
• 24:50
  this
• 24:50
  episode.
• 24:53
  Thanks
• 24:53
  for
• 24:53
  being
• 24:54
  here.
• 24:58
  If
• 24:58
  you
• 24:58
  would
• 24:59
  like
• 24:59
  to
• 24:59
  find
• 24:59
  out
• 24:59
  more
• 24:59
  about
• 25:00
  what
• 25:00
  we're
• 25:00
  doing
• 25:00
  as
• 25:00
  a
• 25:00
  company,
• 25:01
  what
• 25:01
  I
• 25:01
  am
• 25:01
  driving
• 25:02
  toward
• 25:02
  and
• 25:03
  bear
• 25:04
  witness.
• 25:05
  Bring
• 25:05
  your
• 25:05
  own
• 25:06
  water.
• 25:06
  Bear
• 25:07
  witness
• 25:07
  to
• 25:07
  this
• 25:07
  house
• 25:08
  being
• 25:08
  built.
• 25:10
  Check
• 25:10
  out
• 25:10
  jackanoidparlope.com
• 25:13
  we're
• 25:13
  gonna
• 25:13
  set
• 25:13
  up
• 25:13
  some
• 25:14
  cool
• 25:14
  little
• 25:14
  tiers
• 25:16
  for
• 25:16
  subscribers
• 25:17
  offering
• 25:18
  some
• 25:18
  cool
• 25:19
  like
• 25:19
  bespoke
• 25:20
  haikus
• 25:21
  and
• 25:22
  fun
• 25:23
  little
• 25:23
  things.
• 25:25
  It's
• 25:25
  all
• 25:25
  working
• 25:26
  itself
• 25:26
  out.
• 25:26
  It's
• 25:26
  all
• 25:27
  percolating
• 25:27
  up
• 25:27
  here
• 25:27
  and
• 25:28
  I'm
• 25:28
  starting
• 25:28
  to
• 25:28
  get
• 25:28
  collaborators
• 25:29
  tell
• 25:29
  me
• 25:29
  thing
• 25:29
  through
• 25:30
  stuff.
• 25:30
  So
• 25:32
  until
• 25:32
  next
• 25:33
  time
• 25:33
  my
• 25:33
  lovelies,
• 25:34
  take
• 25:34
  care
• 25:34
  of
• 25:35
  yourself
• 25:36
  and
• 25:36
  be
• 25:36
  kind
• 25:36
  to
• 25:36
  others.