Latest / The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson / The Bench Conversation: What Are You Chasing?

Transcript

The Bench Conversation: What Are You Chasing? · The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson

• 0:00
  Welcome back. I'm really glad you're here. Let's spend a few quiet minutes together.
• 0:07
  As always, imagine we're sitting together on our favorite park bench.
• 0:12
  People pass by every few moments. Some smile.
• 0:17
  Some nod politely. Some seem lost in thought.
• 0:21
  Others are looking down at their phones, hurrying toward, you know, whatever comes next.
• 0:28
  We see hundreds of people every week, and yet there are so many conversations that never happen.
• 0:34
  The conversation with the neighbor whose name we never learned.
• 0:39
  The person at the gym we see every Monday morning.
• 0:42
  The cashier who helped us dozens of times. The couple we pass by while walking the dog.
• 0:50
  We recognize their faces, but we share little pieces of life with them.
• 0:56
  But somehow, we never quite begin the conversation.
• 1:01
  Life keeps moving.
• 1:03
  So then I started wondering, maybe the most important conversations aren't the
• 1:07
  ones we never have with other people.
• 1:10
  Maybe they're the ones we never have with ourselves.
• 1:14
  When was the last time you honestly asked yourself, how am I doing?
• 1:19
  Not the automatic answer, not fine, not busy. But honestly, how am I? Where am I feeling?
• 1:27
  Who have I been avoiding? Who am I becoming?
• 1:32
  Sometimes I think we become experts at managing our calendars.
• 1:36
  Why, at the same time, quietly ignoring our hearts.
• 1:40
  We know exactly what's on tomorrow's schedule, the meetings,
• 1:43
  the errands, the appointments.
• 1:45
  But we rarely stop long enough to ask, you know, what's happening inside of us?
• 1:50
  Maybe we're carrying, you know, disappointment. Maybe gratitude. Maybe fear. Maybe hope.
• 1:57
  Maybe we're becoming someone we're quietly proud of.
• 2:01
  But unless we pause, we may never notice.
• 2:06
  A few years ago, if someone had asked me what success looked like,
• 2:09
  I probably would have answered very differently.
• 2:12
  Like many people, I thought success meant building something bigger,
• 2:16
  more opportunities, more recognition, a larger audience, always trying to become
• 2:21
  just a little more successful than the year before.
• 2:25
  It almost feels like that's the message we're surrounded by today.
• 2:29
  Keep growing, keep pushing, keep expanding.
• 2:32
  As if life was just one long race where the finish line keeps moving farther away.
• 2:39
  Then something unexpected happened. A few weeks ago, I was sitting alone on a bench in China.
• 2:45
  I wasn't working. I wasn't preparing for class. I wasn't writing.
• 2:50
  I was just simply watching people walk by.
• 2:54
  And for some reason, I asked myself a question I hadn't asked before.
• 2:58
  What am I still chasing? I sat with that question for a very long time,
• 3:03
  and the answer surprised me.
• 3:06
  I realized that I had been carrying a definition of success that,
• 3:09
  you know, no longer fit the person I was becoming.
• 3:13
  I realized I didn't need to keep proving myself. If someone reaches out because
• 3:18
  something I've written helps them, I'd be honored to help.
• 3:23
  I still love teaching. I still love writing. I still love having conversations like this one.
• 3:30
  But I no longer feel the need to chase, you know, every opportunity.
• 3:34
  For me, I realized I had been running a race. I no longer wanted to win.
• 3:40
  As I record this podcast, I remember, you know, all the years I spent building,
• 3:46
  businesses, trying to find clients, giving workshops, giving talks,
• 3:49
  always thinking about, you know, the next opportunity.
• 3:54
  And then I realized something that surprised me. I wasn't tired of the work.
• 3:59
  I still love this work. What I was tired of was always feeling like I had to, you know, chase it.
• 4:05
  And those are two very different things. I can't really explain the piece that
• 4:10
  came from this conversation with myself.
• 4:13
  Nothing around me, you know, in fact, had changed. I didn't retire.
• 4:17
  I didn't stop working. In fact, I probably work now just as hard as ever.
• 4:22
  But now I work because I generally love the work itself Not because I'm trying
• 4:27
  to prove something Not because I'm trying to keep up with everyone else And there's an incredible,
• 4:36
  freedom in that It made me wonder how many of us are carrying goals that no
• 4:40
  longer belong to us Dreams we inherited, expectations we just simply accepted years ago,
• 4:48
  Races we keep running Simply because we've forgotten we have the freedom to
• 4:53
  step off the track So whether you're 20 or 40 or 70,
• 4:59
  I think all of us eventually reach moments when we ask Is this still the life that I want?
• 5:05
  Sometimes the most important conversation we'll ever have Is the one that gently
• 5:10
  gives us permission To let something go I remember my own life years ago.
• 5:18
  The time I decided to stop asking for permission to change something in my life that wasn't working.
• 5:24
  I was always afraid, like many people, to take that first step.
• 5:28
  And I put one foot in and left one foot out and realized that this wasn't the solution.
• 5:34
  The solution is you have to jump with both feet and trust your inner self. Trust yourself.
• 5:40
  There are also other conversations that we tend to postpone for years.
• 5:44
  Hey, I appreciate you. I'm sorry.
• 5:48
  I forgive you. I've been worried. I miss you.
• 5:53
  Sometimes we assume there'll always be another opportunity, another holiday,
• 5:58
  another birthday, another ordinary Tuesday.
• 6:01
  But life has a gentle way of reminding us. Today is often the best day to begin.
• 6:08
  And then there are conversations with ourselves. Am I truly living the life I truly want?
• 6:14
  What matters most now? What can I just let go of?
• 6:20
  And most important, who am I becoming? Not because someone else expects it,
• 6:26
  but really because that's the person I want to become.
• 6:29
  Maybe that's why I enjoy imagining these moments together with you on the park bench.
• 6:35
  No hurry, no agenda, no need to impress anyone, just enough quiet to hear what's
• 6:42
  been patiently waiting, waiting, you know, beneath all this noise.
• 6:48
  So today, before you move on to whatever comes next Before another meeting, another errand,
• 6:57
  another notification Take five quiet minutes Just sit on a bench Or walk slowly,
• 7:07
  Or look out a window Or simply sit in your favorite chair And begin one conversation
• 7:12
  you've been postponing It may be with someone you love or may simply be with yourself.
• 7:20
  That conversation I had on a bench in China didn't change my career overnight.
• 7:26
  It changed something much quieter. It changed the way I wake up each morning.
• 7:31
  I still write. I still teach. I still hope these conversations find someone who needs them.
• 7:37
  But I'm no longer chasing success. I'm simply trying to create work that is worth finding.
• 7:44
  And maybe that's enough.
• 7:47
  Maybe it always was. Thank you for spending these few quiet minutes with me.
• 7:54
  Until next time, take good care of yourself.