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Light In The Dark: The Life You Thought You'd Have By Now · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Sarah. I'm really glad you decided to
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  come back tonight. And as always, think of my voice
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  as a Lantern in the dark, lighting up just the next few
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  steps so you're not quite so alone.
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  And I'm not here to fix anything, I'm just here to sit
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  with you for a few minutes in whatever it is that you're
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  carrying. So it's Saturday night, and
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  there's something about Saturday nights, isn't there?
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  The week's over. The noise quiets down, and in
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  that quiet, sometimes something surfaces that was really easy to
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  outrun when you were busy all week.
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  And maybe it's surfacing right now.
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  Maybe it's been surfacing for a while now, and maybe you've been
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  carrying it longer than you want to admit.
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  And I'm wondering if you had a picture of your life, and you
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  don't have to name it out loud. You know what?
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  It was the relationship that was supposed to work, or the version
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  of yourself you were supposed to have become by now.
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  The feeling that solid, settled, finally feeling that was
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  supposed to be here already. But it isn't.
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  And maybe somewhere along the way, maybe slowly, maybe all at
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  once, you realize the picture didn't match the window and the
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  gap between what you imagined and what is.
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  That's not failure. That's just the cost of being
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  someone who felt things deeply enough to hope.
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  And there's this grief that doesn't have a funeral.
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  Nobody sends flowers for the life you thought you'd be
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  living, and nobody sits with you in the loss of the version of
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  yourself you were so certain you'd become, and the chapter
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  that was supposed to look different and the relationship
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  that was supposed to last. And the moment you realize the
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  picture had been quietly revised without your permission or
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  awareness. But it's real.
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  And it lives in your body in these quiet moments, in the
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  Saturday nights, in the spaces between what is and what you
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  imagined. And you're allowed to grieve the
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  life you thought you'd have by now.
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  You're allowed to let that be real without it meaning that
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  something is broken in you. And that picture you had, the
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  one that didn't come true, was drawn by a version of you who
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  was working with what they had at the time.
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  They didn't have everything that you have now.
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  The things that you've learned, the things that you've survived,
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  the experiences you've gone through, and the parts of
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  yourself you've had to look at in the dark and decide what to
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  do with. That version of you drew the
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  best picture that they could with the colors that they had,
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  But you have different colors now.
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  And the picture you're drawing today, even if you can't see it
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  yet, is being drawn by someone who knows more about what's
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  actually true. And you don't have to figure it
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  out right now. You don't have to have it all
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  figured out, period. And you don't have to know what
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  the new picture looks like, or feel hopeful about it yet, or
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  even be ready to start drawing it yet.
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  You can just be here in the dark at the end of a week that
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  happened, whatever it held for you, and you're still here and
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  you're still feeling things and you're still honest enough with
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  yourself to sit in the quiet instead of running from it.
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  And that is so much. That is not a small thing.
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  That is the whole work happening right now in you and that life
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  that you thought you'd have by now.
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  Maybe it was always just a placeholder, like a rough draft,
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  something drawn before you knew what you actually needed and
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  what you actually wanted. And even deeper than that, who
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  you really wanted to be in the world.
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  So what's coming is being written right now by you in the
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  dark, one honest moment at a time.
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  So I'm going to leave the Lantern right here next to you.
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  And you don't have to go anywhere.
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  You don't have to figure anything out tonight.
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  You can just rest, Rest and allow your mind to wander into
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  the realms of what do you want now?
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  Just let yourself Daydream and have a little bit of that
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  sunshine and in fact, keep that Lantern right next to you and
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  use that light to be the sunshine for you until you are
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  able to step into it on your own.
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  Have a wonderful, wonderful evening.