Latest / Drawn of History / Mark Normand _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _574(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Mark Normand _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _574(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I want to let you know we have these new hoodies,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Onward hoodies in the merch shop. These are my
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: favorite template of hoodie ever that we've ever had. I
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: think you will love them and enjoy them. They're at TheoVonStore.com.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: And thank you so much for your support. Today's guest
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: is a stand-up comedian. He has two podcasts, Tuesdays with
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Stories with Joe List and We Might Be Drunk with
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Sam Morrill. He's touring all over.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: This year.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: He's a one of one. He's a new father and
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: he has a new series out called Page to Stage
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: where comedians take something from their notebook and you see
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: it build until it gets performed. Today's guest is a
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: one of one, my Louisiana brethren, Mr. Mark Norman.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Shine on me and I will find Are you flying
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: out today?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my stepdad is sick, so I gotta go see him.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, jeez, sorry. I know, I'm bummed.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be there for Kill Tony.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Are you doing it? Doing it with Kid Rock, so
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: that'll be, I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna really zing him.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: That's the only way I can get to him, because
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: if I do it at his house, he'll, you know,
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: sick his security guards on me and call me the N-word. Dude,
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: I didn't know, oh, yeah.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Dude, he has a dog that can say the N-word,
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: I saw.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Was it a, what, Black Lab, I hope? Oh, yeah, dude.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: It's BLM, bro. Black Labs Matter. Of course it is, dude.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Hopefully it's not a German Shepherd.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: He thought a black lab was a place where they
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: tested barbecue sauce. I was like, here, get on mic.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: That's where they make sickle cell.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, bro, that's not. I was like, Bob,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: you got the wrong idea, man. So you're doing Kill
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Tony coming up.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Tonight, yeah. Tonight. Oh, yeah. What is it, the Bridgestone?
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, very exciting. I feel like Nate Bargatze. Yeah, I know, huh?
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Have you done one on that big of a level?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: That's big, man.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: No, no, I've done arena shows, but I've never done, like,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: a panel with jokes and zingers, and that's going to
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: be weird, just making fun of these poor open micers
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: in front of 20,000 people.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Dude, and imagine them getting up there, that many people.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: They're going to be shook.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: How could you have a good set?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: That's insane. I mean, it's like losing your virginity to
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: Pamela Anderson. Well, that's a dated... Who's the new hot lady?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Um, who is it now?
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: No, it's, uh. Give me a Rihanna. Who do the
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: kids like?
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: Oh, uh.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Sidney Sweeney. Sidney Sweeney. That's a good one. Look at
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: the tits on Dickless.
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: God.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, wow. Holy hotchie machie.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: She seems like a beautiful young lady, huh?
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Very attractive.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: She just got separated from her husband, I think.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, hey, you're in.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: That's slurp lord. I thought about sending her a message,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: but I don't know what I would say.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Eh, say nice yams, bitch. Oh, yeah, that's true, dude.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I think she wants that. No one talks to her
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: like that anymore, so it'll probably turn her on.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: You think, oh, I'll definitely say something about that vegetation.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's got some crop circles. Oh, yeah, brother. Is
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: that the ex? That guy looks like an ugly me. Oh, man,
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: I feel great.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that guy definitely fumbled the... Yeah, right? Yeah, he
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: looks like an Uber driver.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, it would take you 70 minutes to get
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: her bra on, I think.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a lot to compact in there.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, you would have to have a buddy. It would
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: almost have to be like two of those guys doing
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: that slingshot.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Thing or whatever. Yeah, it's like trying to get leaves
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: in a bag.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Look, that is a lovely, lovely lady. It's good to
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: know that a blonde with huge cans, that's back.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, that's a great point, dude. Yeah, she could
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: be anything. We need flight attendants like this now.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: Ooh, yeah, good. They're all gay now. Oh, they're all gay.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Even a woman like you're, I remember trying to hit
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: on this lady and she'll be like, she's like, I'd
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: love to go out with you, but I'm only going
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: A woman for like another week. And I was like.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, man. Oh, damn.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: That's what this flight attendant said. I was like, oh,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: come on.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Good Lord. Where's she connecting? In Transville? I know, dude. Yeah.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: That's crazy. Transville's vain, yeah? Yeah, dude. Yeah, they're all
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: gay now. They used to be very attractive. It's like
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: these Sky Homos. They've taken over the air. Yeah, dude.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Dude, I feel like when you get on, you have
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: to protect your straightness. The second you get on there,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I lock in, dude. I tell my penis, I say,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: you know what we're here for. We're just here to
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: get from A to B.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Right, right. Okay, do not look around. Yes, yes. They're
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: going to tempt you.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: It'll be like a kind of a guy, you know,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: like a guy possibly dressed as a woman walking through
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: with liquor or snacks or those goldfish.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: My penis loves goldfish, right?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love a goldfish. So, but do not look
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: over there. You stay straight. We're just, we're going to Cincinnati.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: Exactly. No place straighter than Cincinnati. That is a straight
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: town right there. It is, dude. They eat chili and
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: watch football.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: But wait, hold on. You said something. Oh, you ever
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: get flattered by the gay love? Yeah. That is very
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: nice when a gay guy's like, hey, cutie, or whatever,
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: and you're like, eh, this is pretty good. Yeah.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Well, because it's replacing the old thing. It's like you
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: still want the affection.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Right. And now it's like a lot of us didn't
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: even have dads, so it's like they're kind of coming
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: at you with that combo meal.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, you get the male attention and flirty.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: And the female flirty.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good. You get it in one. God, I'd
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: love to be gay.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of gay guys' thing is don't you
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: want that combo meal. Right. Good point.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: And you can blow the fucking chrome off your trailer hitch.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, dude, this is insane to be talking about.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Sorry, this is God's country.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to Cincinnati, okay?
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: That's all. You're right, you're right. That's all I'm telling you, Mark.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: All right, I'm already getting a layover. I'm gay over.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: But, dude, yeah, there's just something like, yeah, you see
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: them and they, but, yeah, God, could you even imagine
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: some strong guy who was probably like on the neck
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: team in college, whatever, some sporting event like the, yeah.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Wrestling?
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, wrestling or something like that. Oh, yeah. And he
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: just pins your cock to the back of his throat
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: with his tongue or whatever. Woo!
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Easy, big fella. Sorry, that is crazy. Anyone else hard?
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: That seems crazy. You're going to make Morgan Wallen uncomfortable.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: That's true. Oh, man, yeah, it's got to be nice
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: to be the gay. What about Glory Hole? Is that real?
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: There was one at— What? You know of one?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: There was one at Louisiana State when I was at LSU.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Shut the fuck up. How did I miss that? I
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: went there for a semester. Yeah, bring up Glory Hole LSU.
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: What?
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: They had one, and you know where it was?
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I think it was in, I want to say the library.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Whoa. Damn, they plugged that hole.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Look at that.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's one right there taking a dump in Tarot.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: That's one of those halls there.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, there it is right there.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: Whoa. Look at that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Look at that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Damn, you could even look through there if you wanted to,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: which is nice.
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  Speaker 2: But it's hard to look through there when there's a
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: wiener coming through.
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  Speaker 3: You'd take your eye out.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, don't be that weirdo that's trying to sightsee at.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: A glory hole. Yeah, you just got to trust the hole.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: You got to go with it. Whatever comes through, you
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: got to eat it. That's the hole.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Dude, that's the original game show right there. Oh, yes.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now it's like– I'm thinking of what it's called now.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: It's like– The floor is lava, dude.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 3: Nothing. That has nothing.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: On the glory hole is open.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: That's a great point. Yeah, and you never know who's
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: on the other side. Could be your teacher, your brother,
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: your pastor. I mean, that's a real gamble. Oh, yeah.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It could be your pastor. It could be your future, dude.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: It could be some gay dude you're going to.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Or woman.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Nowadays, even lesbians will stop in there just to couture
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: their jawline.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: They'll pop into a male glory hole.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but what about lesbians? They don't have any way
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: to glory. You can't get a clit through that wood girth.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: You put the softball team in there, they'll hit a
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: single at least through that thing.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Brittany Griner could get something through that hole. That's
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: what put her in jail in Russia, I heard. Have
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: you seen her lately? She looks like Pete Davidson.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see a crossover. Why hasn't she been
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: on SNL, I wonder?
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: Brittany, let me see something real quick.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is awkward.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: Thank you. Whoa.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Look at those dogs walking on water. What religion is this?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is that? Dude, this is that new shit, man.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: This is what's coming now.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: This is the new Christianity. This will be a story
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: in the Bible one day. Brittany Griner shoots a three-pointer.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she looks like Deuteronomy.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Damn, that was good.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Thanks. God, bro.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: That's a pretty decent start for an episode, I feel like.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Hell yeah. Well, I love Nashville. I love this town.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: We did the Ryman last night. We did Zany's after that.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Drop your mic down a little bit like this.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: Went to Kid Rock's house. It was a wild night.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: You did? You went to Kid Rock's? Yeah, we were
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: just out with Tony, and Tony's like, I got a
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: surprise for you. We jump in a car, we drive
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: a half hour, and then bam. We did it. Yeah, exactly.
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: And what a home. Oh, you go to.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: There's definitely... Was it just him there? Was it other people?
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: It was just him and, like, a security guy.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, dude. And maybe a slave. I mean, it
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: felt like it. Big, jacked, scary, like, Marine-looking guy. Oh, yeah.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: A lot of those guys love to cook when they're
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: not fucking, like, sniping fucking Gazans on behalf of Israel.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, dude, he... Build that wailing wall. Jesus.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Dude, I heard the wailing wall, this is the most
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Israel thing ever, the wailing wall has an ATM in it.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: Is that crazy? That's hilarious. Is it? I mean, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: wouldn't be surprised. You need some cash out there if
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: you're going to buy a little dreidel, some knickknacks.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'll fucking spin Gimel on that bitch, son. That's
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: all I spin, dude. They used to call me Big
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Gimel in a lot of back alleys.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Jimmy Gimel. Jimmy Gimel Live.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: In a lot of Yiddish back alleys, they used to
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: call me fucking Jimmy Gimel, dog. Oh, the willing wall,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: it should have at least two ATMs at it. I
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: can't even believe this is an issue over there.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: It's got to have one, or at least a glory hole. Definitely, dude.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Get that no foreskin through there.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, only in the glory holes in Israel it says
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: FDIC insured. FDICK insured, dude. Nice.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: There it is. There it is. Holy shit.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: The only kosher ATM in the world. That's hilarious.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: It just takes money from Palestinians. It's not even your account. Yeah, dude.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: That's crazy. Holy moly, that's hilarious. Wow.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Speaking of going abroad, you have shows coming up abroad, man.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm very excited. Going to London, going to Australia.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I love those crowds. You do?
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, the flight's a bitch and you get homesick
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: and the jet lag's a real cum guzzler, but I
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: love Australia. I'm pumped. Do you ever go? Yes, man.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Where are you going over there? Let me see some
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: of his dates here. You're going to Reykjavik?
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's Iceland, right? Reykjavik? Reykjavik. Oh, Reykjavik.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: That's how they say it? Yeah, I think so.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, Reykjavik.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah. It looks like somebody's texting with T9. Look at
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: those vowels and consonants. Oh, yeah. Jesus, that's like a
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: drunk text.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: Salford, United Kingdom, Cardiff, United Kingdom, Bristol, United Kingdom, Birmingham, London.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Glasgow, you're going to fucking Glasgow, lad. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Fuck yeah.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Get a smash burger, lad. Yeah, get a Glasgow smile.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: That's where they cut you from here to here. Get
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: a Glasgow smile. Terrifying. Those Scots are really scary.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: That's going to be incredible, dude. So you have those
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: shows coming up. That's everywhere over there.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Doing the whole gamut. Just taking a train
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: from top to bottom. It's kind of shitty because you
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: don't get to see anything. You just do the show
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: and then you leave. But the crowds are great and
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: it's a fun time.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: You have a couple days off.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: Couple days off, yeah, not much. But I get so
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: keyed up, I gotta get back. So I just do
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: the shows and I go home. Well, it's hard.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: That's one of the things people don't realize. You go
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: to these places, people are like, stay, do this and that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: But then, like, you do five, six shows, you're on
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the road then for two weeks, kind of.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Or, you know, you try to get into, and it's like, Well,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: how long are you going to be over? Are you
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: going to be over there for three weeks, a month?
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: I know. I get that FOMO. I'm like, what's going
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: on in America? You start looking at J.D. Vance memes.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh, I miss home. He's fat, putting Cheeto
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: dust on a president.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, bro. They had one the other day that
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: said he has Up syndrome. It was a picture of J.D.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Vance has Up syndrome. Oh, that's fun. Look at that guy.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I think he loves it too, which is fun about him. Oh,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: he has the best sense of humor. I bet he
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: could– honestly, I should send him one of these and
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: see what he thinks about it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, I bet he's seen all of them. I would
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: just scroll through those at dinner if I was him. Yeah.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: And look, you can't do that with Obama. That's a
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: different meme, if you know what I mean. So it's
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: good to have him be into it.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to see which ones he's into. I
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: think I would like to try and get to interview
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: him again because now he's in there.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Right. And I bet it's weird in there.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: In the White House?
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Well, did you see Kid Rock over there
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: dressed like a fucking firecracker salesman?
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, he was dressed like a fireman at a glory hole. Yes, yeah,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: fire crotch. Dude, he was dressed like the Grand Wizard
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: of Cracker Jack.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Look at that. It looks like he's selling used
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: cars in Bristol, Tennessee. Oh, dude, definitely, dude.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: This guy looks like he could fucking– signed the Constitution
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: with his cock, dude.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: This guy's unbelievable, dude. John Hancock. Yeah. Yeah, look at this.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: That is a wild, he's like a, he's a gaitriot. Oh, yeah, brother,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: that's it.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Dude, if this photo alone doesn't get the Tiger King
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: out of prison.
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: What are we even doing?
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: And this has got to scare the foreigners. If I
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: was a Chinese motherfucker and I saw that, I'd go,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: we can't fuck with them. Look at this guy. He's
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: like an Avenger.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, we made that shirt, but we didn't
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: know he'd wear.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: It like that. You think Zelinsky sees that and he's like, shit,
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: I really didn't dress up. Holy, I dress like a ninja. Yeah, dude, yeah.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, I should have really showed up. He
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: looks like the pilot for Malaysian Flight 370 or whatever.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: The one that went down? Yeah. Where do you even
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: get that made? I mean, that's crazy. Dude, the one
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: that went down on Key West, bro. That's a fucking...
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: That thing landed on a cocktail. Yeah. Well, the flights
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: have been, I think they've picked it up a little bit,
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: but we had some crazy flights for a while, like
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Upside Down and- Inside Out. Yeah.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Trying to show all these people what it's all about, dude.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: They had Run DMC fly on one of the planes, dude.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: Run DEI. But yeah, look at that. Upside Down, it's almost,
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: it's like the movie Flight with Denzel. We ride here.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Dude, and you have to listen to DMX when you
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: get out of that plane, right?
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right. There's no way.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: The plane's upside down and now we have to exit.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: There's no way I don't put a fucking, I don't
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: bounce a track on my phone right there. Dude, I
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: put on probably some DMX.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: As you walk out. What you really want? What you
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: really want from a flight? I want some peanuts and
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: an upright plane. It's a wacky time.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: There was something you had. I want to talk to
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you about a bunch of stuff. You have a new child. Yes, yes.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: Not mine. I can't. Matt Rife. He got it there. Dude, unreal.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And a lot of people thought Matt Rife is that
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: guy who's trying to live forever or whatever.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Well, he's got that beautiful face. He's shiny.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: He looks new.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: He looks very. Yeah, a lot of people thought that
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: that's Matt Rife. Brian Johnson.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: This guy. Why does the guy who lives forever have
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: to be annoying? You know, if a guy's going to
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: live forever, you'd like him to be fun. I know, dude.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Why couldn't the guy that lives forever be?
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: You want like John Daly to live forever, you know? Yeah.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Although he'll die tomorrow.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Well, especially because Hooters just went bankrupt, which is crazy.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Damn.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: He was keeping it in business, dude.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: I bet. I bet. Yeah, that guy could house some wings.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Bro, and he would walk in. It would always be empty.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Restaurant chain Hooters goes bust and files for bankruptcy protection.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: What is this, the Asian version?
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: And if you can't.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: See on the YouTube on the video right now, there
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: is a picture of all Asian women in Hooters attire.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Where's that photo taken? Can you give me some information?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Can you scroll up or down or something?
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Chinese waitresses dressed in orange shorts and T-shirts cheer while
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: welcoming the arriving guests at the Hooters restaurant in Beijing.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, shit. Damn, they're stealing everything from us. They got it.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: Hooters is going bust. The U.S.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Restaurant chain known for chicken wings and its skinny Hooters
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: girls waitstaff outfits has filed for bankruptcy protection.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Whoa.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: HOA restaurant group filed for the motion for Chapter 11.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: It's the latest legacy restaurant chain to run into financial
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: trouble amid high food and labor prices.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Well, is that really why?
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I saw a couple of porkers in there on
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: the last few years.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's just say that they got probably so many
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: articles saying that they couldn't hire good tits in there anymore.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Right, right. You got to be inclusive.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: So you got to get the wheelchair hooter. You got
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: to get the downsy hooter.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to get an actual owl in there.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: It's like, what are we doing?
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a tough time.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: It's the end of an era, but we still got
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: Twin Peaks. Just a sleeper that they just kept low
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: and didn't talk, and now they're still around.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like the Utah tits. Those tits are clean
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: over there.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: They're like the Kieran Culkin. Macaulay's gone. He was hot
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: for a while, but now Kieran's taking over. We got
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: to go to Beijing. God, dude. I got to be honest.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: I never felt comfortable at a Hooters. Like, I like tits.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: I like wings. But I felt weird. It's just some
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: girl named Stacy who's trying to make a few bucks.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, can I look at her? Can I
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: not look at her? What do I do here?
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: A lot of them are like, I'm a model. And
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: it's like, what are you?
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Will you model those sodas over here for me? Like,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: not in a bad way. But it's like, look, I
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: want to support your modeling. I will tip a little
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: bit extra.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Sure.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: But we want to eat, too. I don't want to. Yes, yes.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: And then am I supposed to ogle you? Am I
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: a creep? I never know what to do.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Are you just a waitress? Are you? It was a
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: gray area.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: If I have you sign my 11-year-old son's back with
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: a Sharpie.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Am I a fucking sick dad or whatever?
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Exactly. And then do I tip you by putting the
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: money in your G-string? You know, like a strip club,
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: at least you know. We're all here to see tits
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: and ass. Everybody's on board.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Right. Hooters was this vague thing. We're like, hey, while
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: you're a pervert. order like right let's get some fucking
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: protein in you and then if you.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Go sometimes you go with a girl like you'd be
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: at a work uh work lunch and the whole gang
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: would go and you're like i got this lady here
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: she's in hr and she's fat now we got the
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: hot blonde and the whole thing is awkward yeah and
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: then you try to make it equal you're like oh
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: well they should have a place called nuts that we
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: could take you shelly yeah and she's like i'm good
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: yeah and she's.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Been losing her hair because she has like iron deficiency.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Or something anemia oh that'll get you that was my
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: black ex Yeah, dude, Hooters is shutting down.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: John Daly is going to have nowhere. Because, you know,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: he used to live in a Hooters. He lived in a....
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: I can see that. Didn't John... Daly live in a Hooters?
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Bring that up. No way. I thought you were joking.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: John Gruden had an office apparently at Hooters headquarters, and
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: John Daly had a special sleeping.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Room in there. Shut the fuck up.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Where'd they hear that?
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, on the most recent episode of Theo Vaughn's Best
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Weekend Podcast.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: So hold on. You're your own reference. Hey, dude. This
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: is where we are, dude.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I saw John Daly overdose on Jim one night and
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: had to get carried out of a restaurant, not even
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: a bar.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Hell yeah. That's awesome. Man, he's like a superhero, this guy.
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Dude, he's definitely him.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: Kid Rock.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Now we have a superhero. Yep.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: We have our Avengers, dude.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: We need some more in there.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: We need a good woman in there.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah. Who's a fun woman? Ooh, I know who.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: That lady that cooks and that said the N-word.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: What's her name? Oh, Paula Deen.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: That's a good one. Boy, there's going to be a
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: lot of N-word in that kitchen. Oh, dude, look, dude.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Maybe we should throw a black guy in just to
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: even it out a little bit.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, and a keeper on her toes.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, right.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Who do we get in there? Who's a fun black?
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: Maybe, um, oh, uh. Hold on. Kanye.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: Ooh.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: That'll really shake things up.
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: Now we're talking.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. So he'll be wearing the Klan hood, ironically.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: But now it's their Klan hood. So it's like, what
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: do whites do now that there's... I don't want to
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: say this is cultural appropriation.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, did FUBU make that? I mean, that's our thing. Yeah.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, I definitely... This is.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's so weird because Elon's trying to tell everybody, hey,
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: I'm not a Nazi. And he's like, no, no, I
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: am a Nazi.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so hard these days to figure out if
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: you're a Nazi or not. It is fucking impossible.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, did you ever think you'd see this many
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: swastikas in 2020? The whole world's gone batshit.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: No, and they're not even pointed. You don't even know
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: who they're pointing at.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: It's like there's liberal people using swastikas because they— They're angry.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Yes. At Tesla.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: But now you're drawing swastikas. So these poor Jews are like, oh, well,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: that means fuck me. I know you're mad at that guy,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: but what about me?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: But then you also have people saying that American Israel
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: are swastika. They're using it, promoting them because they're killing
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: the Palestinians. So you're saying that they're the fat. Like,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? It's like you guys are
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: the new Germany. They're saying that.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Israel is the new Germany. Oh, geez. This is too much.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. It's just so many layers.
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: It's like, what.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Happened to a fucking— the business transaction of a glory hole, dude?
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Exactly. You know, I mean, we're buying Greenland, Gulf of America,
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Canada's mad at us, Beyonce's doing country. Everything's topsy-turvy. Alec
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Baldwin shot a lady. I mean, I can't keep up
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: with all the shit. It's all twisted.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, is it the most— it' s— It's exciting.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: It's the best of time and the worst of time.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: But you could open X and you're just like, holy
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: fuck my ass. This is crazy.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: And that's, yeah. X is like a portal to like
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: crazy town. You're just shitting like, oh, that's a bear attack,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: a race riot.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, race riot. Black kids beat up another white kid
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: at school.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Not a hate crime.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Just a tweet.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Just a tweet.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: And then there's like crazy tit lady and it says,
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: don't open this if you're alone. And I always open it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I'm at the library. I'm like, I got to do it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: I can't resist that.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: It's like 10 reasons why apples are killing your body
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Yes. And you're like, fuck.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: You got me, clickbait. Yeah, huh? Did you see that
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Bill Burr thing where he yelled at the reporter? Oh,
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: pull this up if you can. I mean, this was
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: so cool. This is why I love Bill. He's on
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: a red carpet for some thing. and a reporter's trying
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: to get him to say controversial shit, and he calls
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: him out.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to just have some controversial moments so
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: you can get clicks. I'm not doing that. I'm here
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: for Conan. I'm not doing all of this. What are
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: you going to bring up next? The Middle East? I
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: went to summer school three out of four years in
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: high school. I'm not qualified to talk about this.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: I was just going to bring it right down. What
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: do you think about global warming? You said about Elon
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: that he was ruining Earth, I saw on The View.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: You're critical of him. What do you think of all
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: the boycotts, like even the violence?
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: I don't watch the news. I don't watch the news.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: I have no idea what's going on. I watch Instagram.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: I watch people wipe out on motorcycles. I watch lions
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: and hyenas fight each other. This is the things that
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: I do. And I don't think you should be asking
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: a comedian.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: You're a journalist. Well, comedians are on top of current events.
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: No, no. That's weak. That's you guys passing the buck.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: You guys need to have balls again, which you don't.
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: You guys always go, should we be thinking this? You
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: guys present stuff like that.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: You guys just have balls.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: You need to get your balls back. And it's not
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: my job. I am a dancing clown.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, it's so cool because he's like, you're trying
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: to get me to say shit so you can get clicks.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: You guys report. Stop putting it all on me. I
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: can get in trouble now and go viral for some
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: ignorant shit I said.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: Get out of here.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Dude, that's a great point. Yeah, it's definitely become crazy now.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: It's like– But it's because people are afraid to speak
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: up because I think all those people feel like.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: They'll probably lose their jobs.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of them are just caught in
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: this old system with like, if I say anything that's truthful,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: that's why I think why a lot of like, you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: even see like Candace Owens, you see a lot of comedians, podcasters,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: like people are listening to them.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: At least they.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: They're trying to figure shit out or they're talking about
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: things as earnestly as they think they can.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, we're so divided now that if you say
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: this opinion, the other side attacks you. If you say
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: that opinion, that side attacks you. So the newspapers want
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: to sell clicks or whatever. So they're just like, we'll
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: go down the middle. We got to keep everybody. You
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: say the fucked up shit and we'll report about it. Yeah.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: It's gross.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: It's a great point he said. It's passing the buck.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Where's the fucking– how was it that like even during
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: the first year of like the Gaza thing that not
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: one mainstream network guy was like, hey, this seems kind
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: of fucked up?
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Is that right? I thought people were– I guess it's
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: mostly internet people.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was more internet people.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: But it was kind of like, hey, this– or even
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: just any side like let's get one interview from a
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Palestinian guy.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, true.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: That shit was just kind of crazy. Hey, basketball fans,
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  Speaker 2: You have a new show that you're doing?
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm working on a web series. I'm trying to
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: sell it, but it's called Page to Stage. Page to Stage? Yeah,
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: like you come up with a bit idea, and then
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: you go up at Zany's and work it out, and
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: it's clunky, and then you work it out again and
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: again and again, and then eventually you crack it, and
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: now you're doing it at an arena. That's the show.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: So it shows the comic thinking of a bit and
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: then struggling with it and then eventually figuring it out
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: and killing with it.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: And, like, in between. Oh, that's an example of it
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: right there?
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've done a couple episodes already. And this is
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: episode one. We just put out episode two. Hey, is
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: this stupid? I'm bombing all day long here. God, I
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: hope this wasn't an expensive ticket. Oh, this is great, man.
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: Oh, thanks.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I can't believe this has never been done. You get
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: a dumb idea, that's how comedy starts. You take it
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: on stage, it bombs, and you do it again. Too far.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: All right, we'll work on that. Oh, God, we're supposed
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: to be there. What else do you do?
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: You break down the bit with other friends, kind of
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: work on it?
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, exactly. Like me and Sam Murill or Chris DiStefano,
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: we'll sit at the cellar and chop it up and
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: try to figure out where the funny is and what
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: angle to go with.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: You guys have so many just artisans up there.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. It's comedy college over there. It's chefs.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: You guys have chefs.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: We're down here selling hooters.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: To fucking people. Yeah, but this is fun. This is
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: fun as hell, though. I love Nashville. I mean, you
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: got the Zanies has opened another room. I mean, you
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: guys are cooking. Yeah, I've been in there.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: That lab over there, it's great.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Great room. So, yeah, and each episode will be a
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: different comic. I do the first one, then it'll be,
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: you know, Ronnie Chang and Michelle Wolfe and Shane.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: So the show is going to be, it's just different
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: examples of that?
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Each one is a different comic. Okay, got it.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: So you could do one if you wanted or whoever.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to start working on some new stuff, man.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I've been writing a lot of stuff. I just have
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: to start getting on stage. I think I'll go down
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: to Austin probably to work on it.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: Ooh, I like that. I mean, that mothership, you can't
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: beat that room.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Well, just to have this, and also there's other rooms
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: right around there. Brian Redman has a room right there.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the Creek.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they have one room there. It's called like Skinny
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: F * * * or whatever, you know what it's called.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: But it's like they have- Is that Tony's room?
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Way dead it. Yeah.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: But they have a lot of like, yeah, it's like
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: autistic cat or whatever.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Right, right, right. Edward Jones.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they have everything there, like save the- Like, dude,
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: things there are so progressive, but also way, it's like,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I've seen like save the N words there.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: And you're like, that does not seem. No, no.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Like it's like racist and progressive because it's like Austin.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: Good intentions, but bad message.
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: Bad title. Yeah, it's like– Save the whales, but you're
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: talking about fat people. Yeah. No, but they– yeah, I mean,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: Austin's fun because when you're working on new shit, you've
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: got to be able to bounce around. You can't just
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: do one set every now and then.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I agree, and it's even a lot of times when
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: you're working on new stuff. For me, it's like that
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: third time you do it in a night, even if
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: you don't even want to do it, and nothing comes
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: out of it, but it's still just burning that– Every
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: time you cook it, you just cook it, and it's like,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: so the next time will be good, right?
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: 100%.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: You know they say when you lift weights, the one
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: where you're like, and you can't get it up, that's
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: the one that matters the most. And it's the same
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: with comedy, I think. When you're working on that new one,
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: and you don't want to say it, and it's not
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: really working, that's when you find it, when you just
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: push it.
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, I have a buddy that just started comedy
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: last week.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: No way.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: A friend of mine from AA just started.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: Aren't you glad those days? I would hate to just
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: start now. I mean, we're 20 years in or whatever
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: the fuck. I used to watch you at open mics
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: at fucking Lucy's Surfer Bar in New Orleans. You too, dude. Yeah,
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: you were the guy. You had a hot girlfriend. You
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: had some money. You had a cool haircut.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Well, I did have a very cute girlfriend.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, I still remember her.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: God, she was pretty, wasn't she?
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: I think about her all the time.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest. I think about her a lot.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was really something. No one had a
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: hot girlfriend back then. We were all losers in Louisiana.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I remember walking by some of the Saints players, and
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: they all said, we're going to steal your girlfriend.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: That sounds about right. That's what they do. And they did.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: That's the crazy part. No, I don't know. But yeah, dude. God, bro,
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: when we went to Lucy's, that was fun, dude. That
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: was not a care in the world. There was no phones.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: There was no, we got to get a clip. There
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: was no video shit. It was just for the love
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: of the game.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: And they had all kind of like Dane Foshay.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: Remember him? Yeah, of course. Funny guy.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: And he was in that documentary. Did you see that?
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: No. What doc?
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know if he's okay with talking about this,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: but bring it up. Dane Foshay.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: I love those old Louisiana names. Fauché, Thibodeau, Landry.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: Remember Sean Patton was down there? Oh, yeah, there he is.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: Good old Dane. I looked up to him, too, when
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: I started. Oh, dude, same, bro.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: And also one of the nicest guys.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, great guy, and he was really, like, he
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: welcomed everybody. Hey, we're doing comedy. Good to have you.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: And it was the first time I had, like, a group,
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: like a clique.
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: Felt like a cult.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Dude, yeah, Dane's an awesome guy. But they had a
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: docu— he was part of a very important docu— no, it's called
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: Our Friend.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: What is it?
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: Our Friend is a 2019 American biographical drama film directed
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: by Gabriella Calperthwaite and written by Brad Inglesby based on
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Matthew Teague's 2015 Esquire article, The Friend.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Love is not a big enough word.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: Jeez. Jason Segel, Dakota Johns, Casey Affleck? Oh, how did
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: I not know about it? This is huge.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: And it's based on one of the, I think the
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: main character is based on him. Scroll some.
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: Oh, God.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: Are you going to tell me he's got some disease?
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: In a flashback to 2000, Matt, a journalist and Nicola
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: theater performer living in New Orleans, she introduces Matt to Dane,
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: a friend from college working as a camera operator who
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: dreams of becoming a stand-up comic.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, there you go.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Wow, dude. Yeah, dude, this is a very... This is
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: a cool thing to watch.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Good for him, yeah. Comedy's so big right now. I mean,
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: you're talking to presidents, vice president Bernie Sanders. It's weird
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: how intertwined it all is. Well, I think everything is
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: getting kind of bizarre now, you know? 100%.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Everything is getting, like, turning into the WWE.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Yes!
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: I've been saying this for years.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, you can have, like, you can literally,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: next month, you could have Wolf Blitzer fighting that... Who
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: was that, like, save the whales, like, kind of, like,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: kid or whatever that was.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: Like, you are not representing us.
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, David Hogg? No, you are not.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: It was a woman, more woman than.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: More woman. You are not speaking for us. Oh, Greta Thunberg.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: Greta Thunberg. What happened to her, by the way? She
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: jumped ship.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Well, she started saying stuff that liberals didn't agree. She
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: started like, oh, she was speaking out for Palestine, and
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: now they're like, oh.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: Fuck her. Oh, really? Well, what about the environment? I
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: thought that was her. She would take a steamboat from
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Sweden to yell at somebody on a soapbox.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: The second she wore that Palestinian garb, they're like, nah,
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: she doesn't even make any sense anymore.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, damn. Wow. How old is she now? Has she
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: got an OnlyFans? I don't. Oh, 22. All right. She's
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: of age. Oh, we're going to hell. I'm sorry. But hey,
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: we're going together. She's got a solar-powered vibrator. Check out
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: my carbon foot fetish.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: This is fucking crazy, bro. Are you always this funny?
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: You've changed my life today, dude.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm hungover. I'm on no sleep, so I'm just
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: riding off gay fumes here. No sleep. Tell Brooklyn.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: No, dude, remember the other comics they had?
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Wild Bill. Remember Wild Bill? Oh, Wild Bill Dykes. Wild
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: Bill Dykes. Dikes, dude. He was on some TV show,
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: like Bar Rescue, some bullshit like that. And I was like,
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: he's been on TV, and same with you. I was like,
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: you've been on TV? I couldn't believe it.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: Wild fucking Bill Dikes, dude.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: A legend, dude. But that's the thing. You had to
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: wait to get tapped to get on TV, and you
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: got six seconds on some weird show. And now we
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: got the internet, so we can just put it all
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: out there. Yeah.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Now you can just be like, hey, I'm an alcoholic,
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: and just tell people straight up.
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And a lot of comedians in New Orleans were just
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: alcoholics that were trying to stay away from their families
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: or wives at night.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: 100%. Let's say that factually, and no judgment.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a wife or anything at that time,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: but you'd see guys coming in, you know, have a
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: couple in their car.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly. We were all, I was terrified. I
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: had stage fright like a motherfucker.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: We all had stage fright and salt poisoning from living
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: in Louisiana, the gout capital.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. A lot of sodium.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they had that one comic, Black Gout, or whatever
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: his name was. He was just kind of an older
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: black guy.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, the black comics all had chicken fry, cornbread,
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: red bean. Cornbread, red bean.
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: They all had cool names. Salami, Rob. Yeah, they were fun.
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: Gumbo Jones. Spicy Child Evasion. Sickle Cell... Sickle Cell Wilson. Yeah,
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: those were wild times. We all got along. Oh, it
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: was so much fun. So much fun. T-Ray, remember him? T-Ray!
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: Holy shit. Bro, he was a pro when we started.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: That dude was a legend in Louisiana.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: He was a legend, dude.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: First comic I ever saw, remember the Funny Bone in
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: Baton Rouge? They had a funny bone. I saw Chris
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Porter there in like 2002 or something. And he was killing.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: I still remember his act. He had a bit about,
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: he's like, smoking and drinking, they go together. You can
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: drink without smoking, but you can't smoke without drinking. It's
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: kind of like you can take a piss without shitting,
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: but you can't shit without pissing. And I was like,
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: blew my fucking mind. Where are we? Yeah. God, dude.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Chris Porter. And that's when he got on to
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: Last Comic, too.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: Remember?
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: And that's when kind of.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: The handicapped era started on Last Comic with Josh Blue,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: who was hilarious, who made– Josh Blue was one of
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: the best at having a disability but also being a comedian, right?
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: But I think it definitely launched a wave of– and
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: it kind of ended with that guy who faked having
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: cancer for.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: Ellen or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was bad. That
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: was bad.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: Chocolate Cancer.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: What was that guy's name? The comedian? What was that
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: guy's name? i think it was bob melanoma oh yeah
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: it was oh i think it was uh jarvis malignant.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: That's great yeah he uh colon cancer powell but it
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: was fucking benign johnson you better get that lump checked
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: out peter but yeah he– oh, that's– I feel bad
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: calling him out.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: But he got kind of called out and then he
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: got an HBO special. Then it all just went to shit. Yeah.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Just click on that right there. Whatever happened to the
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: comedian that– Quincy Jones was his name. Jones graduated from–
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: on August 25th, Jones was diagnosed with stage four mesothelioma
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: and given one year to live. He began receiving treatment
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: with chemo. Friends set up a Kickstarter for him to
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: produce a stand-up comedy special starring Jones. His story went
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: viral after he appeared on Ellen. After he raised $ 50, 000, wow,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: that's incredible. Jones filmed a comedy special at the Terragram
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Ballroom in L.A. Titled Burning the Light. That's a great
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: name for it, too.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: Whatever happened after that, anything? Go to that Reddit page, then.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Let's get some real info.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: Well, it's a weird thing when you tell people you
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: have cancer because then they get mad that you're alive.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: That's a weird place to be in life. Oh, you're
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: still alive? Fuck you.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we had a guy like that who had done
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: a couple fundraisers or whatever. And he was still alive
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: and people would get so fucking pissed at him.
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we gave you money. We did a GoFundMe and
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: you're supposed to be dead. Yeah, right. Get in the coffin,
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: f * * * it. Exactly.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: People would be like, why is he gay? Just because
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: he lied about that.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: That's true. But I remember back then, I was like,
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I wish I got cancer. Because it
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: was so hard to get a special or on TV. Oh, totally.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, every mole I had, I was like,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: check this bitch.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, put me in the sun and some radiation on
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: my ass, I'll start smoking.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I would put little fake moles on my arm when
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: I went on stage. But whatever happened, though, this is curious.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: He may have just gotten better, which probably made it
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: also uncomfortable for him.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Is there any information? Can you scroll up or down
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: or something?
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: I hope he got better. At six years old, it
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: just says that he's still active.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Oh!
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: That's tough. That's tough, dude.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: You got to get into remission.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: He's like the Magic Johnson of cancer. He won't die.
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: That AIDS, what happened? We used to be so scared
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: of AIDS, and Magic Johnson is kicking.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: He beat AIDS so hard. I will tell a story, though.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I've told this before, but I was at a restaurant
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: where someone was choking to death, right?
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: And Magic Johnson was there. So everybody, it was like
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: a Chinese restaurant kind of place, and so they brought
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: out a wall. They brought out a little One of
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: those Chinese walls they fold up.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: Ah, a great wall.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a very great wall, but it's short.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: I know those.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: You could change behind them or whatever.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, change behind them real quick. They brought that out
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: and started doing CPR on the guy behind the wall.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: And we're all just sitting there, and it's kind of
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: like a nice place. We're all eating, but everybody stopped
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: eating because it's like you can't eat while a guy
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: is like choking to death.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: Of course, of course.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: And they're doing CPR and shit on him.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: So then everybody starts kind of looking at Magic Johnson like,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: when do we eat, right? He became somehow like the
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: liaison of feasting or whatever they call it in the
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Greek mythology or whatever. And so everybody's like watching him,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: and you can tell he starts to feel this pressure,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: when do we eat?
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: And they get the guy back, right?
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank God.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: So you can hear him. He starts coughing. Everybody claps, right?
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: So everybody takes one bite, and then fucking something happened immediately,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: and they got coded. The guy died right there.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Shut up.
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: Holy shit.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Guy died.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: Now what do you do with the food? Do you
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: finish it?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: We waited like seven or eight minutes, and then we
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: ate as quiet as we've ever eaten.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, man, that's awkward. They got to wheel them out
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: on the gurney, and you got a mouthful of General Tso.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, you chew so quietly, dude.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, dude.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: And if your wife doesn't salute you like that when
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: you eat General Tso, you're not a fucking true American Asian.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she'll get a Kung Pao.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: Speaking of, did you see these Yankee bats, by the way?
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, I've heard about this.
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: This is pretty wild. I want to get your take
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: on these bats. I don't know where the Yankees, their
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: bats are fat as shit. Oh, come on.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Nuh-uh.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: That's what they're using now? The torpedo bat, yeah. They
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: plump them up a little.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Like in the middle?
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like a weird dick that girthy in the middle
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: and then cones out.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Well, that seems weird because wouldn't the angle of the
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: bat then affect which direction you're hitting.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: The ball even? Yeah, I think, but they engineered it
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: perfectly where it just sails it. It works every time.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: During spring training, someone in the organization for the Yankees
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: had mentioned to Kay that the team's analytics department had
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: counseled players on where pitches tended to strike their bats,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: and with subsequent buy-in from some of the players, bats
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: had been designed around that information. In the hours before
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: the Yankees' home game against the Brewers that day, Kay,
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: who is the Yankees' play-by-play man, told the YES Network
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: production staff about this, alerting them so they could look
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: for an opportunity to highlight the equipment. After the Yankees
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: clubbed four homers in the first inning... A camera zoomed
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: in on Jay Chisholm's bat in the second inning. You
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: see the shape of Chisholm's bat, Kay, set on air.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: It's got a big barrel on it.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: And it does, it has a look towards like the
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: one part, like a snake digesting something a bit.
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly. Wow.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: And how are the Yankees doing so far? Was that
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: just one good game to start off?
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: No, they're killing it. I mean, you got four homers
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: in the first inning. I mean, they're like, they're on fire,
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: which they were already a good team, but now they
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: got this secret weapon.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, they're four and two right now, gang, starting off big.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: Okay. Still no Otani. That guy is incredible.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, he's so good, man.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting. Are they allowed to just change their
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: bats like that? Can you look at why they're allowed
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: to do that? I think it's one of those Air
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: Bud things. It's other than the rule books, is you
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: can't have a fat bat or whatever it is.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: The idea of the torpedo bat is to take a
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: size format, say 34 inches and 32 ounces, and distribute
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: the wood in a different shape Then the transitional form
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: to ensure the fattest part of the bat is located
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: where the player makes the most contact.
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: It's just a loophole. They found a loophole that's still legal.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: It's the same amount of wood, but they just put
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: it in different spots of the bat.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: The torpedo bat moves some of the mass on the
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: end of the bat about six to seven inches lower,
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: giving it a bowling pin shape with a much thinner end.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: The benefits for those who like swinging with it, and
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: not everyone who has swung with it likes it, are twofold.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: Both are rooted in logic and physics. The first is
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: that distributing more mass to the area of most frequent
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: contact aligns with players swing patterns and provides greater impact
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: when the bat strikes ball. Um, the second benefit in
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: theory is increased bat speed. Imagine a sledgehammer and a
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: broomstick that both weigh 32 ounces. The sledgehammer's weight is
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: almost all at the end. Whereas the broomstick is distributed evenly,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: which is easier to swing fast. The broomstick of course.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: So they're saying that it's slower to swing the new one.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's got more impact.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Um, By shedding some of the weight off the end
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: of the torpedo bat and moving it towards the middle,
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: hitters have found it swings very similarly to a traditional model,
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: but with.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Slightly faster bat velocity.
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Huh. I haven't seen a bat like that since the
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: wet market.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: God, I know, huh?
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: Damn, that's interesting. I wonder what other loopholes have I noticed.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: What other things? Well, there was a part where they
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: allegedly deflated the ball some.
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, with the Patriots.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: What else has kind of happened over the years?
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: A lot of steroids.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, steroids are so big.
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that's a loophole, but yeah.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: I'd love to talk to Barry Bonds. It'd be crazy.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, man, what a run he had. I know. And
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: he looked crazy, too. He was like a superhuman.
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: Mark McGuire.
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: Him, too. You could see it. He's pink. He's got
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: like ball skin on his forearms.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Dude, can you believe that women used to not even
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: be able to talk that much? Isn't that crazy?
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: Those were the days.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: But can you even imagine that?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: You're at dinner, and a guy comes up to talk,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: and You talk to them, and your wife tries to
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: say something.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: And you're like, honey.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Let us do business here.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: Well, women really got screwed because they couldn't really make
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: a lot of money back then, so they needed a
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: guy who had a house and a car and a job.
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: So they had to be nice and play ball. That's
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: got to suck.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: You imagine the resentment built up in a lot of
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: those women?
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, of course.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: That's why a lot of third-generation women are squirters, I think,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: because there's all that resentment built up.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: That's true. Yeah, it all comes out. That's fucking, what
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: do you call that? Oh, what's the word when they
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: can't vote? Suppression? No. There's a word when they can't vote.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: We'll get it right. Voter suppression.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: Something like that. Suffrage? Suffrage.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: Women's suffrage.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: That's women's suffrage, dude.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a streamline, brother.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: That is a damn, damn, huh?
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: You ever got a squirt from a lady?
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, I, oh, I knew a gal that could, oh.
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: Super soak?
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: She, no, but she was just articulate.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, damn. Like she could.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, she could fucking autograph a curtain.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I knew a girl definitely that could fucking wash your
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: cat's eyes before you could blink them.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: It was like those, the windshield wipe squirter, you know,
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: you clean the window. Oh, dude, yeah. Yeah, I had
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: a lady once. It was like a fire hydrant in
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: a black neighborhood. I mean, she would just stand up,
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: and it would gush. It was a great time. I
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: loved it. I mean, my bed was ruined.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, and there's a couple young sisters double dutching
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: in it.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: That's the craziest part. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love a
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: squirt because with a female orgasm, there's not really a
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: lot of proof.
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: So it's nice to get some results. Oh, yeah.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: That's David's slopper field on me, that thing. It's crazy, bro.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: Those things get going.
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, squirting Ernie. And sometimes you can't turn them off, dude. No, no.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: And it's a lot of Asians, bro. Sesame Street.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. It really is, dude. Tickle me elbow.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: But sometimes you're like, enough, you got to put a
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: cork in there or an old rag. Oh, dude, it's crazy. Oh, bro,
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: you'd have to put siding on your bed. You need
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: a gutter on the side of your bed just to
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: get some runoff. You got to clean the leaves out
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: every year, but still.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Bro, yeah, you get somebody that's a real galosh or
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: you'd have to fucking, somebody like, damn, are you from
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: Maine or something?
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: What's even going on? on here? Yeah, you need rain boots.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: It was crazy.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, you'd have to use that stuff that you would
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: use on your car. It was like Rain-X.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: Remember that? Oh, yeah.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: Dude, when Rain-X came out, we got high. We're like,
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: because we'd seen commercials that would like make the... the
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: rain bead off your window.
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, exactly.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: So we'd rain X our cars, get stoned, drive in
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: the rain and watch it bead off.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: We'd be like, no. Oh, that's a good time.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Those are the good times, dude.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:47
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• 49:49
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• 49:53
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• 52:06
  Speaker 1: slash T-H-E-O. Yeah, what was I thinking about, dude?
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: You want kids?
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to get a kid, man.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, hey, no pressure. I don't want to be
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: one of those kid guys. You're like, you got to
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: do it. Change your life. Super meaningful. I'm not doing that.
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: I'm just saying, you'd be a good dad. Thanks, dude.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it. I think, yeah, I got to change
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: a little bit of some of my patterns, kind of.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: Well, we all have some fucked up tendencies and all that.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: How did you change your tendencies to meet a woman?
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: And I know you have a child now, but how
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: did you change your tendencies? Because you were kind of
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: like a rost about man, huh?
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Sure, a man about town. I like to paint it red,
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: but I don't know. I just was getting older, and
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: I knew I wanted kids, and then you start doing
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: the math. You're like, all right, if I have a
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: kid at 50, by the time he's 10, I'll be 60.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: You had an old dad.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's horrible.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: You know, it's tough on a kid. It's tough. And
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: I heard Bill Burr say, not to bring him up again,
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: but he was like, I should have done this 10
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: years earlier. And I heard that, and I was like, oh, shit,
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: maybe I should do it now.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: And he's the truth.
• 53:06
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: The average age of new fathers in the United States
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: has risen to 30.9 years, a significant increase from 27.4
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: years in 1972.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Actually, I thought it would be higher. So it's going up.
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: So it's almost 31 years right now.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I live in New York. People are having kids
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: at fucking– 45. Like, Schultz just had a kid. He's 41.
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: Is he? Yeah. God, he looks great. Oh, he's a sexy,
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: sexy man.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: Definitely. He looks like an old bullfighter or something. Oh,
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: he definitely looks like the last Matador.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Look at that stache and the hair.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: He looks like definitely the guy that'll turn a triple
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: play at a glory hole, you know?
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he looks like a French villain.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, he does, dude. Oh, he's always definitely had
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: that very, like, America's favorite spice trader guy.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: Right, right. Like he sells knives in Bangladesh.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he definitely looks like a guy that'll sell you
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: a secret.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: Definitely.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: He's a unique guy.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: He's a very unique guy, dude. His new special, I think,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: is the best looking comedy special I've seen.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. It's so beautiful. Like the Beacon Theater is killer.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: And the way he starts it with that montage, you
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: get choked up.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: I thought it was really, really amazing. You have a
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: child now, man.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's crazy.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: That's insane to see you right now and be talking
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: to you for the past 40 minutes and then realize
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: this guy has a human child.
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: I mean, it'll get taken away at some point. But
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: for now, let it ride. God, probably from ice or whatever. Yeah,
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: there it is.
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: Wow, what sad news source reported on that.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: May Planner gives birth to her first child with Mark Norman.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Look at that fat little nugget there. It's got a
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: bad hairline already.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: Wow, it very much has that Kevin from The Office look, huh?
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Wow, your wife looks great even post-birth right there.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: She killed it. Yeah, she looked good the whole time,
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: and she did the old C-sect so the clam is intact. Yeah.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: Fresh seafood. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Still
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: oyster shucking. But, yeah, you really get all mushy with
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: the thing. Being as cynical as comedians are, right, what
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: does cynical mean? Uh, like negative and always looking at
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: the bad, not the good. I think something like that.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: I think it, well, I noticed for myself, it's hard
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: for me. Sometimes there used to be for sure. And
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: when like something was really real, like a real moment,
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: it was hard for me to like experience it as
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: a real moment.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: Who are you talking to here?
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: Come on. I thought that was you. Yeah. I'm autism.
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: And so was that kind of, did that come into
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: play at all? Do you notice that part of you
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: come in and you almost have to stop it?
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 55:42
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: But with the baby, you can't help it. Like you're
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: talking baby talk and you're just like gushing with love
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: and you pour it right on them and you feel
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: it and you go, fuck it.
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it anyway. I'm letting go. I'm going to
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: love this kid. So it feels really real. So it's
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: like super real feelings.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: Super real. I mean, that came out of your ball
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: bag and herd stomach. I mean, the whole thing is
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: it's surreal that you made this thing.
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: And it's going to grow up and have a personality and,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: you know, weird addictions and, you know, thoughts on races.
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: And that's all going to form right there in his
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: little noggin. God. It's fascinating.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Does it create a new relationship with your wife? Like,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: is there now some, like, cause I've heard Schultz say
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: that like, you know, you now, like he would have
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: times where he would call his wife to check on
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: the baby and not be checking on her kind of.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: And so like he said, just there were little dynamics
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: like that, that he started to notice where, does it
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: make like a new relationship with you and your wife?
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: Does things still seem the same? Does it, or everything's
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: just normal? Like any thoughts on any of that?
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: It's super different. Like you, you, The baby becomes the priority,
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: so you start to forget about each other. It just
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: becomes like, all right, I'll take him for this moment.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: You take him for that moment. You feed him. Did
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: you put him down? How's that going? So it turns
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: into scheduling and very calculated almost. So you've got to
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: stay lovey. You've got to stay a couple. And so
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like the two of you versus the baby.
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: And you become a team, but you've got to make
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: the team fun. You can't just go all in on logistics.
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: You've got to still be cuddly and sexy and all
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: that shit and fun.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: And is it hard– how long do you have to
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: wait before you can be sexually active with your spouse?
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: I think it was six weeks. So we did like
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: six weeks and a day before I went– and I–
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: on accident. I was like, what am I doing? I'm
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: an idiot. This is how the Jackson 5 started, you know.
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: Why would you do that? I was– I had been
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: so long and I lasted like eight seconds and– I
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: couldn't pull out. It felt good. So I.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: Dude, you knew what just happened there.
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: I know. I know. I'm an idiot. But hopefully she's
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: barren at this point.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: But that's like walking out of a burning building, right?
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: And going into another one. Yeah, hold on. And then...
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: It's like leaving Tower 1 and going into Tower 2.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it says gas above the door. And you
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: go in there and fucking blaze up a smoke.
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: I couldn't help it. And she was like, what the
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: fuck are you doing? And I was like, you're right.
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: You're right.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: So... Do you think you did that? Was it territorial,
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: or were you just partying?
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: I think I was partying. I let loose too much.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: I'm an idiot. But I'm just lucky we had a
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: kid the normal way, the old-fashioned way. Everyone else is
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: doing the IVF and adopting and all that, so it's
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: nice that these kids can swim.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, that is nice, man. I worry about that. Someone
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: had a baby out of their butt, too. Did you
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: see that?
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: No, no. Bring that up. An ass baby? That's tough. Well,
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: it's a— That's some good sperm.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: These days, it's the only way to get into this country,
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: it feels like. Anal birth. Let's look at them. That's
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: on Apple.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, buddy.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: Hold on.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Anyone else hard? God, bro. Jesus. Just the article. That
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: was wild.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: There's no article.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: There is.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: There was something on there.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: Those are bans.
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, there are?
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They'll come around. Somebody will write the article.
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is that real? Huh? Real ass baby?
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: It has to have had happened. Wow.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: I guess it just came out the wrong shoot, you know?
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the baby, a lot of them are working backwards.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, have you ever seen those pictures of
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: those guys that get stuck in those tunnels like in fucking?
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: Jews? Yeah, of course. But the baby, it just got
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: off on the wrong exit. They don't have GPS, you know?
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: They should have, yeah.
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: But it's like head towards the light, brother.
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: I guess so, yeah. Avoid the boom boom and go
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: with the clam clam.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: Come on, God, dude. That's crazy, man. That is crazy.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: It's weird how close they are.
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: Isn't that weird? The butthole and the vagina, they're like
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: an inch apart.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: Put them further apart.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: What are we doing here? It's like Israel and Palestine.
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: It's two arch enemies living right next door to each other.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: That's ridiculous, dude.
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: And the Gaza Strip right in the middle.
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: Shh.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: What has– speaking of that, has there been like a
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: lot of turmoil in– do you see a lot of
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: turmoil in New York City?
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Is it really? It's real.
• 59:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, Columbia University is a hotbed of controversy, and
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: they deported that guy, whatever his name, Mohammed Falafelface. And, yeah,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: it's rough.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and one of the food trucks went missing too, ironically,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: the same day.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: Bring that guy up. Is that right? Oh, no. Oh,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: I didn't hear about the old PETA. I can't believe
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: after all the things that have been said, that's the
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: one where you say, is that right? I mean, I
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: believe it. That shawarma is missing. Oh, dude. Yeah, dude.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: Shawarma's my heart.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, shawarma's my heart. How is that not a shirt?
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: Or I'm sure it's the name of a food truck.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: It's got to be. Yeah.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: What do we know about foreign college students targeted for deportation?
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: Which one did they have?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: The Trump administration has set off a legal and ethical
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: firestorm by targeting international students at U.S. colleges for deportation,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: including some whom the government alleges participated in pro-Palestinian protests
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: or activities on campus.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: I will say, to be a Jewish guy around this
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 3: has got to be awkward. I feel like there's a
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: lot of anti-Semitism hurled at them, and no one seems
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: to give a shit. If you make black comments, it's
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: national news. But I don't think anyone really gives a
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: shit about the Jew feelings.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think you have to be able to
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: separate that. That's a good point.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: They don't get the oppression points that other groups get.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: That's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point, man. Well,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: because I think that they've– from what I've learned, they've
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: been like– had a tough time finding a territory to
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: live in, right?
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: Like historically, that they've had a tough time finding a
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: place to live in. I think what just hasn't helped
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: has been– the shit in Gaza. It's like, of course,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: I think it's just made like, um, and then there's
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of, I think people start looking then at
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: like ownership and oppressors.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: And I think you have a lot of Jewish people
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: that are super successful. They're good at being successful.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 3: The best thing on the weather, the best, right.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: And so then I think it doesn't, that makes things like,
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I think that's where people go from one thing and
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: bridge to another.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly. And there's so much nuance here, too,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: that people forget. It's just good versus evil. But there's
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: complex shit going on here. It's a lot of layers.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: We want to just put black and white, but it's...
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: It's true.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of layers. It's hard to figure a
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: lot of it out.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: Mahmoud Khalil, I think that's who you're talking about. A
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: 30-year-old Columbia University international affairs graduate student. of Palestinian descent
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: was arrested on March 8th when ICE agents appeared at
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: his student apartment building. Can you even imagine that? I
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: would think it was like one of those fraternity things
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: they do in the morning or whatever.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, like an initiation where they spray an air
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: horn on you or hit you with a fire extinguisher.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like Sigma Alpha genocide or whatever, and
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: they're fucking taking you outside to tickle you until you
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: fucking piss gin or whatever. Khalil is married to an
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: American citizen who's pregnant with their first child. The Trump
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: administration accused Khalil, a Palestinian activist, of supporting Hamas and
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: distributing pro-Hamas propaganda, though it has provided no evidence to
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: support this claim.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: Yikes. It's a tough time.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: Because then you also wonder, like, what, like, if there's
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Israeli influence, because that's a big thing now. Like, how
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: much Israeli influence is there in, like, American politics, you know?
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, there's a lot, yeah.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: And it seems to be a ton. I feel like
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: America is just like. it feels like we're just owned
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: by Israel, you know? And we just never knew it.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: I thought we owned them.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: That's what I thought.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: Uh-oh.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing. If we're just a team, then
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: just tell us we're a fucking team.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: Tell us anything. We're all in the dark here. Everything's
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: going over our yarmulke. I don't know what's happening. Yeah, dude.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: Everything's fucking sliding right over that little hair wallet.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right?
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: But dude, that's the thing I think that would help
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: everybody if they would just say, hey, this is what's
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: fucking really going on.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: So, because otherwise, I think you're just, there's still this
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: ruse of pretending that people aren't going to maybe figure
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: it out. Or if you let people start to figure
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: it out themselves, then a lot of times people go
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: to the worst place in their minds, right?
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: Yes. And you pick a side and that's it. It's just,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: fuck that side. We're left in the dark. Light a menorah.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: Get some light in here.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, light one of the candles.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: One of them. Give us three out of eight. Yeah,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: that's not bad. Is it nine? I think it's eight.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: Give that a check, but I think it's eight.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: But I agree, dude. And also like, how to be
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: supportive of your Jewish friends. You know, it's like... Oh,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: it is nine.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: Shit, my bad. Well done. Labia minora.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: They snuck one in.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they always do.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: Lookit, that's the guy they caught? He'll get laid off this, though.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: He's got some deported pussy.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, definitely, dude.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: He's a bad boy.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: He is, huh?
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: Mahmoud Khalil speaks to members of media about the revolt
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: for Rafah encampment at Columbia University. Dude, I think, but also, dude,
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: the shit that's going on over there is so horrific.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: Here's what I think has happened in Gaza recently, right?
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: I think they are testing a lot of, like, the
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: technology and things that they've, weapons and stuff. I think
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: they're testing it on that place.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: Who's they? Israel?
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Israel.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, boy, you're obsessed with Gaza. This is really taking
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: over a lot of people's brain.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm just— I think maybe I got caught in
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: a fucking Twitter hole the other night.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that'll get you, man.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: I had to call Sean Ryan and tell him, like, dude,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: everything's okay, right? I got fucking— I got scared. Yeah, holy shit.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: But don't—that shit'll make you sad.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: Don't let it in. No, I agree, dude. Don't absorb
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: it too much. Yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let's get— we' ll get off of it. I mean, I
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: don't know enough about it. I don't either.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: But sometimes it's just heartbreaking when you're like, how is
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: this fucking going on?
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: Or is there something that we don't know? Then just
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: tell us that shit.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: They won't tell us. They think we can't handle it.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: But this is way worse. Now we're all killing each
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: other and fighting in the streets. I agree. That's the thing.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: It's like, just tell us what is fucking going on.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: Yes. You know?
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: Does that make sense to you too? Or do I
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: sound crazy saying that?
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: No, I'm with you 100%. We don't know what's going on.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 3: It's like the drones. We had all these drones in
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: New York and everybody's like, is it weapons? Is it China?
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: Is it this? And we're like, just tell us so
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: we can go to fucking lunch and not freak out
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: every day. I just told my niece that was Santa.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is it fucking Papa John delivering N-words to people? Yeah,
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: that's a service.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 3: Remember when he had that deal, dude? Yeah, Black Olives Matter.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: I don't know, do black people go Papa John? What's
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: the pizza of China? I thought they were more of
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: a Domino's.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: That's a good question. First of all, why don't they
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: have more black-specific.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: Businesses, dude? Interesting. You got Boo Boo.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: But where's the black pizza company, right?
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: Right, right. Yeah, that's a good question. They like to
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: play Domino's, or maybe that's Puerto Ricans.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: No, but still, that's close enough, right?
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: It's like, why is there not more? What's the top
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: black-owned pizza company? And I believe this about a lot
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: of things, like Where are the fucking black-owned businesses?
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 3: Yes. They're out there. We just got to blow them up.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: Right. There we go. That's a good point.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: Okay. Slim and Huskies. Slim and Huskies.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: That's in, I think that's here. Yes, that's in Tennessee.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, there we go.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Dude, I met the owner. Bring the owner up. I
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: met him one time over at Fenwick's here in town.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: Dude, you saved my day today, man.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 3: Hey, we're saving their day. Go to Slim and Husky's.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: Get a fucking pie from these guys.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: Go to Slim and Husky's. Get that fucking father figure omelet.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, dude? No, but go to
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: Slim and Husky's.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: There they are.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: They're the dogs right there. Who are they? Oh, there
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: they are right there. Clint Gray, Derek Moore, and Emmanuel Reed, baby.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: Get the fucking big dog special over there. The founding,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: the trio, who are also Tennessee State alumni, Tennessee State University.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: Shout out TSU, where my buddy Zeta played kicker over there,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: was the only white kid over there.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, kickers are how we slide in. Oh, yeah, dude.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: That's it. Yeah, but my buddy, John Laster, he has
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: a thing called Blap, and it's a black app. It's
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: like an app for black-owned businesses.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, that's something. Get that shit. Yeah, go to Blap.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 3: Check it out.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: Dude, this is one thing I think that a lot
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: of cultures and ethnicities can learn from Jewish culture is
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: how to like support your culture, right?
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: Like we should do that. I think other groups should
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: do it. I think.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: Other cultures may do it better than like Christians and
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: Muslims and Yeah. But Jewish people do it well. They
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: support their friends. They support their creations and the things
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: that their friends make, you know?
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, they had to. I think they got
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 3: pushed around. So they're like, we got to start our
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: own shit. We got to start law firms and real
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: estate and diamonds.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: But they do a lot of stuff like invest in
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: their children, their children, like, you know, like learning education.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: I think a lot can be learned from that culture, man.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: Is that crazy to say that?
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: I completely i mean i'm circumcised so there you go
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: we took that from them yeah are you huh are
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 3: you cut dun dun dun oh baby auction off dude
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: call in if you fuck theo the last inch they
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 3: call it.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: Dude, yeah, let's talk about something else that's more fun, man.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 3: Sorry. No, no. I mean, I'm interested.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: But I think I was just curious what it's like
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: in New York City because, you know.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: You can feel it. It's there. Remember how, like, BLM,
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 3: you could feel it in 2020 or whatever that was?
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 3: You could just kind of feel it. There was an energy.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 3: It's that in New York with Jew Palestine.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 3: And it's heavy. Is it? Oh, yeah.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: Well, it's kind of crazy that two years ago you
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: couldn't even say the word Israel, it felt like, on
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: a podcast.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: You could always say Jews are great or whatever you say.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: Sure, sure. It's an interesting group because they're cloaked in whiteness.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: So you can't really tell. It's the only group. You
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: don't like Asians. You can kind of eyeball it.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? But Jews, it's just like
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 3: a white guy.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: It's just a honky. It's like a very successful honky.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: I mean, again, an Ari Shaffir, that's like Jewish propaganda.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's a mug. Yeah, that is, he's working
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: for someone.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: His show's coming back.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: Are you going to be able to do an episode
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: of it?
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 3: I am. I'm working on a story now.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: I got to work on one, dude.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 3: He asked me.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: I just fucking, it's been hard.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: It's a lot of work because you got to go
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: out and run that. It's 10 minutes of awkward, weird, hey,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: is this where the story should go and how do
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: I end it? But you got to do it.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can get it right now.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can get it ready. But
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 2: I think I got to do this podcast coming up.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: Well, your last one was killer with the cabbie and
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: the coke. Oh, that cocaine? That was, like, my first story.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: That was, like, when I started talking about, like, being
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: sober and shit like that.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: That blew up. I mean, people really connected with that.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: That story was crazy.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: I remember one part of it, this girl, like, laying
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: in my lap, and, like, we were just, like, both, like,
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: we both had been drinking or whatever, and I'm trying to, like,
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: lean down and kiss her, and I couldn't get to her.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: Face, you know?
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah?
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: And you get so close, and you're right there, and
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: she's fucking, you know.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 3: It's like trying to blow yourself. You get so close.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 3: It's right there.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: God, that's a fucking Adam's apple stops you. Isn't that crazy?
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got a lick once, but I hurt myself. I, like,
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: pulled a muscle.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's the worst when a guy's getting a tort
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: all shot because he's been fucking tongue-washing his own kick.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got to do yoga or something.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, dude, yeah. Oh, that's the craziest, though, dude.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 3: You asked Trump about Coke. Give it to me straight.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 3: I've known you for a while. How scary was it
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: having him right next to you?
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: Well, I'd seen him at UFC fights.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: I know, but this is like face-to-face podcasting conversation.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: I think I've felt for a while that things are
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: turning into the WWE, that nobody's like super famous anymore.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: Things are merging pretty quick.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 3: It's like you.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: Have people who are coming up with like a crazy
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: lyric on TikTok that are now selling out. big music
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: venues that bands who have been performing for 15 years
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: can't sell out.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: So it's like, I think everything's just getting weird. It's
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: like you could have, like, you know, a year and
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: a half ago, sketch the what's up brother.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: That guy was.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: Probably for two months was the most popular guy in
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: the world. Maybe totally like everything's just, it's very strange now.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: So yeah, there's the lines are blurred. It used to
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: be like celebrity knots. Now it's just, everybody's in there.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: It used to be like you and I would never
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: talk to Harrison Ford. No.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: Or, um, get to, or like Kendall Jenner, you know,
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: it's like, But now we have a chance to at
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: least look at them as they drive by.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: Right, right. Well, you talked to Shalamu. I mean, he's
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 3: like one of the biggest actors in the world. You're
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: just hanging out with him.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: Didn't ask to edit the thing or anything. Totally fucking normal.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: Cool dude. Regular guy. Yeah, and he's plowing Kendall, which
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: has got to be, or Kylie. It's got to be
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 3: a good time.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: And it seems like they're honestly like, kind of like
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: in lovebirds. Like when I saw them, it just seemed
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: like they're like lovebirds, which made you give you some
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: hope for Hollywood.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: Because you just think like everything's so manufactured. But.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: But anyway, so that was part of it. The second thing, oh, dude,
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: I'd had an interview with Post Malone here the day before,
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: and so I was so, like, just burnt out.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: And I was just tired, but I just went up there.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: We flew directly there to his golf course. It was crazy. Like,
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: rich people were everywhere. Oh.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: Like, kids were driving to the bottom of.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: The pool and bringing up mutual funds and shit.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: Like, way different. Damn. Was that Mar-a-Lago?
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: It was something fancier than that. It was like a—
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: New Jersey, huh? Oh, okay.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: It was like Mar-a-Lago or something or whatever they have
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: up there, you know?
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Interesting.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: It was kind of like this year, like Italian.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 3: There it is, dude. Look at that. Whoa.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: And, bro, they had ducks out there in the pond
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 2: that were fucking organized as fuck. None of these gay-ass
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: ducks you see at the park that are just fucking
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 2: doing dope or whatever.
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: Eating fucking bread from strangers. These motherfuckers, I saw them
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: polish off I think a sourdough, line up in.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: A straight line. Classy.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: And perform, motherfucker.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: Damn.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: Ducks in a row. Oh, yeah.
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: You could tell they were going to be lunch if
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 2: they didn't land every fucking– if they didn't land every
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: move in sequence.
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: So that was crazy. Then you had– Secret Service everywhere, right?
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. But they're still fans. You pull in, they
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 3: frisk and shit, and they're all like, hey, I fucking
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 3: love the thing.
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: And then you're just taking selfies with them. You're holding
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: their gun, right? You're pointing their gun at them, and
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: they're like, it'll shoot.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 3: You know? That's the best. I love getting the working man. Like,
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 3: when you get, like, a garbage man or a cop,
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 3: and he's like, hey, comedy. I'm like, yes. I want
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 3: you as a fan.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: That's the best, dude.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 3: The best.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's nothing better, dude.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: Anytime if I'm walking down the street and I see
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: a couple of guys digging in a hole or whatever,
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: hiding the.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: Bodies or whatever.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 3: Jews again.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or funneling monies for fucking Schwab through one of
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: those fucking Yiddish mattress sale tunnels or whatever.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: I always stop and get photos with those guys. Anybody
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: that does something real.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes. And those are the most sane guys, by
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 3: the way.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 3: By the way, you see that Adam Carolla went on
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 3: some rant where he's like, you know, we hate dudes
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: but like who do you think is fixing the la
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 3: fires it's just a bunch of dudes getting in there
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: and getting their hands dirty and building shit yeah he's
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 3: got a point and like that's what's so annoying about
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 3: politics that's why i can't pick a side or it's
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 3: so like gavin newsom's got a pocket he's talking to
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: steve bannon he's like yeah these trends are crazy and
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 3: you're like and he's like we've got too many regulations
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 3: in california like you're the guy right you're the you
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 3: do the governor you make the rules dickless change it
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 3: why are you telling us.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: About it Well, it's the same thing with America, even
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: in like America supporting like the Gaza stuff. It's like,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: what are then your complicity? It's like all of a
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: sudden we're complicit in it. That's that's what makes everything
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: so tricky. It's like, are we standing up for ourselves?
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: Are we not standing up for ourselves? Who are we
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: supposed to support? It used to felt like we knew
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: what was supposed to happen.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 2: It used to feel like we knew.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 3: And whether we were right or wrong or or just
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 3: being fed like sheep, you still knew where to go.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 3: Even if you're wrong, you knew what America stood for
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 3: or whatever the fuck.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: But then it brings you back to, like, I think
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: the Vietnam times when you saw those protests.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: Because I used to hear about the protester in Vietnam,
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what would they be protesting? Like, we're
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: doing this war. That's what's supposed to happen. But then
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: you realize that there was a group of people who
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: ended up being a lot of times some of the
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: coolest people who were like, this isn't right.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: Right? Who didn't believe, like, the propaganda machine. So it's
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: crazy that if things could even get out then that
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: the same kind of– it's just– so I don't know.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: It's just interesting, man.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 4: It is. It is.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 3: And I think the cracks are opening up because of
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 3: the internet and everybody's talking. And sometimes there's too many
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: people talking, but you can kind of start to see
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: the bullshit a little more now. There's more light on it.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just crazy because then it's like what happens?
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: You just got to take care of yourself, take care
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: of your loved ones. That's got to be important.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 3: That's one good thing about a kid. It just, you focus.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 3: You're not thinking about Twitter. You're not thinking about this.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 3: You're just like, ah, this kid has got a shit diaper,
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 3: and I got to change it, and that's it.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. So it kind of just, it makes, you
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 3: got one problem. You don't have a million problems.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 3: It's just get this kid to not have Down syndrome.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: And when do you find that out?
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 3: I think pretty early. That's why you see less of
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 3: them now. I think people are nipping that in the bud.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 3: I know. It's sad because you like seeing one every
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 3: now and then.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, man. Especially, well, they started, I hate to
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: say this.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, baby.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: They got more talented over the past 20 years.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. There's a lot of models, downsy models.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: They got more talented.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: And I got proven wrong. I had always known that
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: down center people couldn't walk backwards, right?
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 3: Is that right?
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: Whoa.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: That had always been a big thing in our area.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: But now- A woman disproved me on that.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, good for her. This is like the Jackie Robinson
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 3: of Downs.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, dude.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 3: Good for her. Oh, yeah, that's it. I mean, I
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: don't know. The moment has passed, but yeah.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: I'll play it real quick.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 3: He goes on a hell of a rant.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: Does he?
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 5: They give a shit about young dudes now because they're
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 5: losing their demo. They were the enemy. Young white dudes
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 5: were always the enemy or heterosexual dudes or whatever, and
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 5: now they lost. They're losing their constituency, so now they
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 5: have to pretend to give a fuck. Yeah, she signed
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 5: an executive order aimed at increasing young men's enrollment in
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 5: education and skill training programs. So, yeah, they're doing some
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 5: catch-up right now.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 5: Okay, perhaps you shouldn't have waged war on them for
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 5: the last 15 years, you fucking retards. That would have
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 5: been nice. Stupid Gillette toxic masculinity and all you assholes.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 5: Shut up.
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: Your Connecticut governor trying to.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 5: By the way, let me say this. Let me just
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 5: say this.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: Please listen to me, everyone.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 5: I toured the sites of Altadena and the Palisades and Malibu.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 5: There's a whole bunch of people with dicks and balls.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 5: Who are fucking driving excavators and trucks and operating all
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 5: the heavy equipment, all the fucking people you hate, all
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 5: the people who didn't go to college, all the guys
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 5: with the cocks and the balls, all the guys who
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 5: don't give you their pronouns, that place has been completely
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 5: rebuilt by just them. Nobody who looks like you, nobody
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 5: uses pronouns, no he, she's, none of your fucking freak shows,
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 5: none of your Admiral Levine's, nobody.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 3: Looks like that.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 5: It's just a bunch of fucking dudes who go by
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 5: he and him.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: Fuck yeah. That's good.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 3: Rebuild it.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you need Mike Rose children in there every now
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: and then, dude.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: That's who you need.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: But it's a great point. It's like you're trying to
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: build this. You're going to have places that are going
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: to fall apart, you know? At some point, guys are
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: going to be like, we're not rebuilding for these motherfuckers anymore.
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: At some point, you're going to have a military that's like,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not fighting this fucking war for you anymore. You
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: go fucking figure it out.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 3: Right, right. Exactly.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: That's why they contract military guys in there so they're
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: fucked a lot of times.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 3: People don't realize that. That's a good point. But also
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: the binary world we live in now, everything's got to be,
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 3: like I said, black versus white. So women hear that
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 3: and they go, oh, you hate women? You're like, no, no,
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: we love women. Women are awesome. Martha Stewart rules. But
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 3: can't we both be awesome? Why do we have to
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 3: have one or the other? Like, oh, these men talking
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 3: about it, they're complaining. Fuck men. Women are great. You're like, yeah,
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 3: women are great, but why can't men be great too?
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: Let's just both be great.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like, I don't know. Sorry, went off
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 2: on a road again.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 5: No, no.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: But it's just a weird time. It's a heightened time.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 4: It is. It is.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: I think we used to go at each other racially,
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 3: and now that I feel like racial harmony, obviously we're
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 3: never going to be perfect, but now we just go
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 3: at each other opinion-y. You don't agree with me, you
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 3: don't agree with me, fuck you, I'll kill you. We
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 3: used to be divided up in different ways, mostly by
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: race back in the 50s, whites only, blacks only, but
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 3: now we're divided by opinion. If you don't agree with somebody,
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 3: they just take it personally and then they lash out
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 3: at you, and you're like, But not agreeing on everything
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 3: is I like pussy. Gay guys like dick. You know,
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 3: we don't have to fight about it.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're both going to Cincinnati.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 2: But, you know, that's a great point.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit more about that, man, because
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: I think I fall victim to that, too, sometimes like
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: kind of say that again for me.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 3: Well, everything is opinion and what side you're on and
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: what stance you take. And if you don't agree with
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: that opinion fully or one little thing, not even fully,
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: one little thing about it, I don't buy that part.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 3: Then they just turn on you and they go, you're
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 3: the enemy. And you're like, well, how did we get here?
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 3: And we got to just start going, oh, you think that?
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, I never thought of it that way. I mean,
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 3: I still think this, but you think that? And can't
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 3: we all get along? Yeah, why do we get so
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: attached to our... I think because we have no identity anymore.
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 3: People have no identity. Everything's so... We got modernity. We
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: got a phone. We got Uber Eats up our ass.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 3: We got anything. You just get shit delivered to your
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 3: house and no one's living anymore. No one's connecting. We
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 3: used to have kind of a community. All this shit
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 3: has been said before, but I think before you actually
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 3: had to do shit and get your hands dirty and
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 3: now everything's given to us and if something doesn't go
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 3: our way... Right.
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: And they would even name the new kid the same
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: name as the other kid. It would be like Matthew
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: II or whatever.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes. Matthew II.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 2: Like it was one of those Apollo returning things or whatever.
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 3: It was a sequel. Yeah. Yeah, Avengers 9 or Fast
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 3: and the Furious. This is Fast and the Furious. This
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 3: is Avengers 8. Yeah.
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: Bro, that's such a good point, man. Wow.
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be like this. But I think
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 3: it gives you an identity and a personality to attack. Oh,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 3: Theo thinks this? I'm going to go against Theo because
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 3: I'm this, and I've got to show everybody I'm this.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 3: I've got to plant my flag.
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what they call identity politics, right?
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 3: I guess so, yeah. It's bad news.
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: What is the term identity politics?
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 3: Bring it up.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: I just want to see what it means so I know.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: And everybody has to start us in as a white man,
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 3: as a black woman, as a gay Jew, as a
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 3: queefy bitch.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: Identity politics is politics based on a particular identity such
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: as ethnicity, race, nationality, religion, denomination, gender, sexual orientation, social background,
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: political affiliation, affiliation, caste, age, disability, intelligence, and social class.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: What's kind of interesting because you also have to represent,
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: like you have to speak up sometimes for where you're from. Like,
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: you know, otherwise your group can get totally just trampled over.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 3: I guess so.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, it's like.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 3: But there's a hierarchy. That's part of the problem too.
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 3: It's like black trans is more important than white lady. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: Than Asian Sagittarius or whatever.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: But three Asian Sagittarius is beat. One black trans.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 3: Exactly. It's like poker now.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You got a royal flush. Oh, left-handed gay dude
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: from Minneapolis.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 3: Forget about it. Yeah, but that's the other thing is
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 3: we have to have all these differences. Like black versus white, whatever.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 3: But really when you think about it, we can find
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 3: a difference anywhere and hate somebody. Like the Hutus and
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 3: the Tutsis, they're all black, but they just hate each
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 3: other for some religious reason. I'm too stupid to know.
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm too stupid too, dude.
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is if they joined together and
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: just attacked whoever owned the fucking land right near them.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 3: There you go. Then they would make some progress. That's
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 3: a perfect example. The Bloods and the Crypts. It just
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 3: comes down to clothing at that point. It's blue versus red.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 3: It's silly.
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It was something you said a second ago that
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 2: was really great.
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, these tariffs are getting out of control.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 2: The tariffs are getting out of control.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: All the everyday items that will cost Americans more following
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 1: Donald Trump's global tariffs. But here's the thing with tariffs.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: The goal of tariffs is that if it costs more
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: for people to bring their products in, then.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 2: They'll build them here.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 3: Yes, that's part of it, yeah.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of a long-term play. It's going to
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 2: take a while. It's going to be bumpy for a while,
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 2: but that's if it works.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 3: So we'll see, but it might take 10 years.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: If we don't try this, though, then I think it's
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: a wrap. Oh, you think just go for it, bite,
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 2: bite the belt and go for it.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: I do because I think at this point, even from
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: my own perception, we'd probably on this tour, this comedy tour,
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: we've been to probably the top.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: 200 cities like size was in America. Maybe, maybe even
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 2: more than that.
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 4: And a.
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 2: Lot of them, there's nothing there.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 2: It's empty downtowns.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah. It's boarded up. We're in Amarillo.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 2: It's empty downtown. Shreveport, Louisiana was empty downtown.
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: Um, toledo ohio right it's getting a little bit better
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: there uh but and that's just a few i mean
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: a lot of places montgomery just empty yep and so
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: you start to be like nothing's gonna there's nothing coming
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: that's gonna make that different right yeah and maybe it
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter maybe that's just how society changes and evolves
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 1: and we just end up with like seven big cities
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: in america and the rest of it is just like
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: rural land where people live and have great lives, but
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: they're not in like a city.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 2: And these things fall by the wayside.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 3: And don't, don't forget, we got automation coming, we got
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 3: AI coming. So like jobs are going away quick and
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 3: everything's digital now. There's nothing manufactured here. And why do
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 3: we keep building?
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: Right. And that's one of the, that's one of the
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: things that people say, well, even if you bring jobs
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: back here, those jobs are.
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 2: Going to disappear because of AI anyway.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah.
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 1: That's one of the side, that's one of the other.
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 2: Arguments against, um, against doing the tariffs at all. Damn.
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: So it's fucking it's weird, man. And then the weirdest
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: thing you start to realize, I feel like, is that
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: you're just a member of your government, whatever the choices
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: they're making. Yeah, that's something that's been big recently. It's like, oh,
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: whatever choice the government makes. I'm a member of this country.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: But if you if you don't if they don't make
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: you feel like you're a part of something like there's
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 1: no benefits to being a member at a certain point.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 2: You're like, damn, it's a weird club to be in.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Maybe we've got to overthrow the government. Maybe
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 3: that's what's next.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 2: How do you do that, do you think?
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 3: I think we've got them outnumbered. I mean, we've got
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 3: a lot of people here. Right. And we can send
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 3: out a couple tweets and texts and get everybody on board.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 3: People have guns. You've probably got a gun. So there
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 3: you go. We'll get in there and shoot some people.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 3: And where do you meet up, you think? A Dollar
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 3: General or something? Yeah. You know, some nice community place
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 3: we all know about. And we'll meet at the KFC
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 3: slash Taco Bell. Get a meal and revolt. Yeah. Dude,
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 3: a belly full of fucking. That's a gas chamber.
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, when those pizzas came out, they were so good.
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 2: Remember that in high school?
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, the Mexican pizza. Amazing. That'll make you want to
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 3: open the border.
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 2: God, remember how fucking good they. And when they first
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: came out, I think they might have had even real
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 2: meat in them, dude.
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 3: Those were the days.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 2: And someone pooped in the meat over in Mandeville. Really?
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: The whole town didn't know what to do. There were
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: people crying over at the parking lot.
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 3: Could you tell the difference?
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you could or not. Somebody, I
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: don't know who had it. Now, that's the thing. We
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: never found out who had it, but they really busted it.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: Run a research on that poop in the meat over
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: there at Taco Bell.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 3: Well, what do you think it is now? Horse or dog?
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 2: Mandeville, Louisiana. I'm not sure.
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 3: It tastes damn good either way. I love Taco Bell.
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 3: That's probably my favorite fast food.
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 2: Pseudologist feces found in Taco Bell item. There you go.
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: A new lawsuit has been filed against Taco Bell restaurant
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: just months after the company settled a series of lawsuits
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: against Out of court following a 1995 hepatitis outbreak in
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: the Sioux Falls, Wednesday, 3rd District. An anonymous couple and
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: their 10-year-old son allege the boy found feces in a
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: soft-shelled taco.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 3: Damn.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: Bought at a drive-up window at the Cottonwood Heights Taco Bell,
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: Fort Union Boulevard.
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, this is in a might. This is Salt Lake City, man.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, imagine eating that, that chupupa. I know, huh? God damn.
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 3: You got to put a lot of fire sauce on
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 3: that turd. Yeah. Just to get it down. Just to
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 3: get that motherfucker down. Yeah. You ever tasted shit? Huh?
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 2: I don't think so. Have you had any accidentally with
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 2: the baby being around?
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, well, they say shit's on everything. Your keyboard is
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 3: apparently a fucking cesspool of flint water. But yeah, I mean,
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 3: I've tasted piss. Yeah.
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 2: That was not pleasant. Oh, I've had a little even
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 2: during a fast one time. I was fasting for like
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 2: three or four days, and I was in the shower,
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 2: and I fucking, you don't even realize what you're doing.
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 3: Wait, how did you get the piss in your mouth?
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 2: I'll piss straight up.
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 3: Damn, that's impressive.
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: Piss straight up, yeah. I can piss straight to the
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 1: top of my head if I'm standing there.
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 3: No way. Damn, that's not easy, especially at our age.
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 2: I can piss really good, man. Wow.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: I can piss pretty, I'm trying to think. Yeah, I
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: can piss pretty good. And then you just get a fucking, yeah,
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 1: I've been fasting. I took a side sip off that bitch, guys.
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, dude? You got to try
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 3: it once. I'll show them. Yeah, it's a weird flavor.
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 3: It's tangy as shit.
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very, it's kind of like hot coffee. That's
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 2: what my ex-girlfriend used to say. Really?
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 3: She's a keeper. I let her go, unfortunately. Oh, damn. God, dude.
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 3: What's she up to now? Hanging out with R. Kelly,
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 3: I guess.
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: Working in, I'm not even sure. Probably working at that
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: geyser park in National Geographic, dude. Hot springs, baby.
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 2: What else do we want to talk about, dude?
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 3: Well, I think the world is on fire, so buy
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 3: some whiskey. I'm selling a whiskey out there. Me and
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 3: Sam started a whiskey. Oh, Bodega Cat. You got it.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not legal in Tennessee yet, but we're going
• 1:31:07
  Speaker 3: to get it here, goddammit.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: Let me see if what we can do here.
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 3: Please. The red tape is bananas.
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 2: It is?
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so hard to get at places. Is it? Oh, yeah.
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 3: It's all mob run. It's all super mobby, and you've
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 3: got to work your way in. Yeah, there's all these
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 3: old-fashioned rules and shit. Damn. Yeah, Sam's drinking it on
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 3: Seth Meyers right there.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, he took it on there?
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So Bodega Cats.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: So didn't they just have an issue, too, about Bodega
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: Cats in New York?
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 3: Probably. They're always there. That's where we got the idea. Really?
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 3: You go into a bodega, there's always a cat sleeping
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 3: on the bread, and you always go, it warms your heart.
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 3: So we go, hey, how about a whiskey? That'll warm
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 3: your heart.
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that idea. Bodega cats make New Yorkers'
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 2: hearts purr even if they violate state regulations. Oh, yeah.
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it's a health code thing, but how cute.
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: But they had rat issue there, so of course you
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 1: can have cats. You can't get fucking mad.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 2: You need a bodega cat.
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 3: You need them.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: New York City's bodega cats are beloved fixtures in the
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: Big Apple, but they're on the wrong side of the law.
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: The convenience store cats that live at many of the
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: city's bodegas and delis look innocent enough spending their days
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: lounging in sun-soaked storefronts or slinking between shelves of snack
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: foods as they collect friendly pets from customers. State law
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: bars most animals from stores that sell food with bodega
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: owners potentially facing fines.
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 2: You can't bill these fucking guys. They're probably charging these
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 2: cats to even be in the city after 4 p.m.,
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 2: I bet.
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right? But you need it. It's old school. We
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 3: get rid of the rat, you get a cat. That's
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 3: like as old as time. But the rats hate the cat.
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: It's like an Indian with deodorant. They don't get along. Oh, yeah, bro.
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's that full-body shawarma, brother.
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. It's palpable.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's that scurry.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 3: I'll fucking run from that shit if I smell it.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 3: I got to go. Oh, yeah.
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 2: That's crazy. So Bodega Cat is a new, it's a whiskey?
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 3: It's a rye whiskey, yeah. It's been around for a while.
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 3: It's such a slow process. We're getting it one bar
• 1:32:57
  Speaker 3: at a time. We got it in all the comedy clubs,
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 3: a lot of theaters. Do you? Yeah.
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 2: Is it down at the Mothership?
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 3: It is, yes. That's awesome.
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: So if you were at the Mothership, you can order
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 2: Bodega Cat.
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 3: Yep. Is it a good whiskey? It's a great whiskey.
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 3: We taste tested a million of them. We've had like
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 3: experts try it and they like it. We got it
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 3: at the comedy store, the comedy cellar. I mean, it's
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 3: all over. Really? Oh, yeah. Coast to coast.
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 2: And is it, it has alcohol in it?
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 3: It is a big bottle of whiskey.
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay.
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 1: So you can't, so if you can't drink, you can't drink,
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: but you could get one for a friend. Yeah You
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: can watch your dad drink it Watch your mom drink
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: it Do you mix it with something?
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 3: You can have it straight up It's got a nice
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 3: spice to it Or you can put soda water Or
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 3: coke Or whatever the hell Bad decisions Mix.
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 2: It up Bodega cat dude I want to see you
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 2: guys win with this.
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 3: We're trying We want to retire on this puppy And
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 3: it's People seem to like it When they try it
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 3: So Get a.
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 2: Bottle I love that And this is you and Sam
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 2: Murill Oh that's hilarious dude Yeah.
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 3: Just a couple of old pals We feel like You're
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 3: sober now Everybody got sober on us, so we're like
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 3: the last men barely standing. You know, we're hushed over. Yeah, Shane,
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 3: but he's a beer guy.
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he is.
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 3: So we like the liquor. So like Dan Soder, Joe List,
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 3: all these guys, they got sober. Bert's out there.
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Bert is definitely the Neil Armstrong of alcohol.
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 2: Or whatever that guy is, he's just out on the moon.
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, one small step for alcoholism. Yeah, I'm just trying
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: to think if there's something else we should talk about.
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: Go through the news really quick story that there's a couple.
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 3: Trump had that gold card thing for wealthy immigrants to
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 3: expedite citizenship.
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's doing well. Oh, that gold card? Yeah.
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Trump had that gold card.
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 3: Is it doing well? I heard they sold 1,000 of
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 3: them already. Nuh-uh. Which is what? What's that? Five million?
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 3: I'm an idiot. Times 1,000?
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: That is... 500 million.
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 3: Thank you. That's a lot of scratch.
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 2: No, it's more than that. It's 5 billion.
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 3: Is it? Jesus.
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 2: Do 5 million times 1,000.
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 3: God. We should know this. 5 billion.
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 4: You had it.
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 3: You had it.
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 2: The second time.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 3: Second time.
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 1: Asian.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 4: St.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 2: Tammany Parish.
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that AI is going to take over.
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 1: He pulled out the Trump card. President Trump proudly showed
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: off the design of his administration's new $ 5 million gold
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 1: card to reporters aboard Air Force One on Thursday.
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 2: Let me just see what it looks like, dude.
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: Are they selling commemorative ones? They have to be. That's
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 2: a smart move.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 3: But does it look like a Walmart card or like
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 3: a Costco? It's got to look cool. Ah, damn. It
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 3: looks Chinese. That's like Mao.
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 4: Bro.
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: Fucking so Mao, dude. Bro, and yeah, but that's wild
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 1: that they're selling those. What do you think about that?
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 1: Because now it's like, You can just be a citizen
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 1: with five million bucks.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 3: Well, I feel like if you've got five mil to
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 3: throw away to get into America, you want to get here.
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 3: And you're not like a poor guy.
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 3: So you're probably doing all right. So, yeah, bring them in.
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: So it's become like a home for the elites. It's
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 1: become the Saint Tropez or whatever.
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 2: Of humanity.
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 1: But do they still have to pass immigration tests?
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 3: What is the rules with that? Oh, good question. You
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 3: hope so. You can't just buy your way in. You've
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 3: got to still do the homework.
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: Dude, I'm going to do that. If I get to
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 2: meet him again, I'm going to ask him if I
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 2: can have one of those.
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 3: As a gift. Oh, my God. But you're already in.
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 3: You don't need one.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 2: But I'll stay in.
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can frame that bitch.
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 2: I'm staying in, Mom.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 3: You could use that at every bar. Hey, you want
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 3: my ID? Goldie.
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 3: Suck it.
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 1: Well, what does it say? Does he have any other
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: information on it?
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 3: Sidney Sweeney could sell a few of those to her box.
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you that. God, dude.
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you came and your wife again.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 3: I know. I got to get my shit together. Mark. Yeah,
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 3: I'm an idiot. We'll see what happens. She's very fertile.
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 2: Is she?
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Fertile Myrtle over here. God. You could throw a...
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 3: I've never done that. You've never gotten a lady pregnant?
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 2: I've never ejaculated in a woman. What? Yeah.
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 2: I've talked about this before. Yeah, my whole life I haven't.
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 3: Boy, you've got good willpower. Even when you were drinking?
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 3: Man, I'm impressed.
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 2: Goodwill spunking. That's my movie coming out.
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 1: The proposal aims to supplement or replace the existing EB-5
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 1: immigrant investors visa program, which required foreign investors to create
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 1: or preserve 10 permanent full-time jobs for U.S.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 2: Workers.
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 1: The gold card simplifies this process by allowing the wealthy
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 1: foreigners to pay $ 5 million for a visa, granting them
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 1: green card privileges and a route to citizenship. Do they
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: still have to pass immigration?
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 4: Let me see.
• 1:37:44
  Speaker 1: At the White House press conference on February 26th, Trump
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 1: and U.S. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick introduced the concept of
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: a gold card as a new pathway to U.S.
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 2: Citizenship.
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 1: It's not a bad idea that there's this golden ticket,
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: kind of, because at least they're making money off it.
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 2: I'm just curious to see.
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 1: They've talked about getting rid of the Fed, getting rid
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 1: of the IRS.
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 3: If that shit can happen. Yeah, that's some big moves.
• 1:38:07
  Speaker 3: Very radical.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 2: It'd be crazy, and we wouldn't have to pay taxes anymore.
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 3: Well, we used to not have income tax in America
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 3: back in the day.
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 3: That came up later.
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 2: It'd be nice to get back to that.
• 1:38:17
  Speaker 3: Oh, and we could use it. I mean, eggs are
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 3: $ 9 million now. Are they? Eggs are way through the roof.
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they busted more people bringing eggs in than they
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 1: busted fentanyl dealers, which is kind of insane.
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: Is that a joke?
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 5: No.
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 3: Whoa, how do you carry that in? I mean, fentanyl,
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 3: at least you can throw it in a car tire
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 3: or something, but eggs, you got to really... You got
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 3: to hide that. Shipping and handling. I know.
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 2: That's a good point, huh? You just walk real slow
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 2: with them bouncing in your head.
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 2: U.S. sees large rise in border seizures of eggs while
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 2: fentanyl rates fall.
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 3: Damn. Well, at least fentanyl is going down.
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 2: With egg prices soaring due to the bird flu outbreak,
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 2: border officials say they're catching more people attempting to bring
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 2: eggs in the United States illegally.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 2: U.S.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 1: Customs and Border Protection said this week that seizure of
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: raw eggs have risen by 48% at entry points.
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 4: Damn.
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 1: In fact, sharp increases in egg seizures are outpacing Borders'
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 1: official interceptions of deadly fentanyl.
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 2: It's so much easier to catch an egg, though.
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 3: Of course, of course. You can just shake a guy
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 3: and then watch it run down his leg.
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 3: We gotta get a chicken. What are we doing? Just
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 3: get your own chicken. You'll be like, it's like growing
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 3: your own weed now.
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is, dude. Dude, make a fucking Fenton omelet.
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 1: That's what I would do. Things gotta go, man. And
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 1: then you wonder, do the chickens know about the egg prices?
• 1:39:31
  Speaker 1: They'd probably feel pretty good about themselves. Like, damn, I'm
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: shitting out gold here.
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, imagine the pride they would walk around with.
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 3: Exactly. And now Hooters is gone, so they're not getting
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 3: chopped up for the wings. Chickens are living the dream. Dude,
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 3: I quit.
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 2: The last Hooters I went to was that one around
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 2: the fucking West Bank over there.
• 1:39:47
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 1:39:47
  Speaker 2: The one where Anthony Davis... Look at that.
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, shit, I didn't even realize that. That's crazy.
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: Dude, I did not realize that. That's when Anthony Davis
• 1:39:55
  Speaker 1: allegedly knocked up the waitress.
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 3: Remember that? Yes. Who dat on the back, baby? Yeah,
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 3: that was a great Hooters. God, it was pretty good
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 3: over there. Oh, yeah, but if RFK saw us eating that,
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 3: he'd shit the bed. I don't know. I don't know.
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be crazy to see what would happen, man.
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 2: If they stop Hooters, we're all going to be in
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 2: bad off.
• 1:40:14
  Speaker 3: We do need better food. I think a lot of
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 3: people get mad about RFK, but I'm like, we are sick,
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 3: we are fat, we are obese, and we pay the
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 3: most in health care, and we have the We're the
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 3: least healthy.
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 2: And racism too.
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 3: Sure. I can't really fix that.
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 2: But you don't see somebody fasting that's using the fucking
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 2: racial slurs.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 2: You don't see somebody fasting yelling out of their fucking
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 2: window with their last like living available energy.
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 3: Right. But if you yell the N word, you better
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 3: run fast. You got to get the hell out of there.
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 3: You got to be fast. Yeah.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 1: That's a different kind of fasting. One more thing, anything
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 1: else you want to talk about again before we leave, Mark?
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, boy, I feel like we covered a lot. We did.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 2: We totally did.
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 3: You got to ask out Sydney Sweeney. That could be
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 3: your next kid, could be a Sweeney.
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 2: She's going to be upset that we talked about her breasts,
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 2: I bet, in the beginning.
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think she's heard it all. I mean,
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 3: imagine the fucking creepos DMing her.
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 2: That's a good point. Yeah, and you're telling me to
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 2: DM her now.
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 3: Well, but you're a nice guy. You're successful. You're funny.
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 2: She's going to be upset, though. But we were just joking.
• 1:41:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, of course. We're joking, you know.
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 2: We were just joking, dude. I just watched White Lotus
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 2: season one. That was great.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, nice. Yeah. Two is good, and three is bananas.
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 2: It is?
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 3: I mean, they upped it. I can't even imagine. It's naughty.
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 3: It's dark, and don't watch it with your parents. I'll
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 3: just say that. Tuesdays with stories, that's it? Tuesdays with stories,
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 3: and we might be drunk. Those are the pods.
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I still got to fucking come up there, man.
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 3: We'd love to have you. It's an open invite anytime.
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 2: I owe you, man.
• 1:41:44
  Speaker 3: I know you're a busy queef. Uh... What about Luigi?
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 3: I heard he's going to the death chair. Mangione?
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 4: Uh-uh.
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 2: Did he really?
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 3: I heard he's getting the death penalty. Maybe I'm wrong. But, yeah,
• 1:42:00
  Speaker 3: look at that guy.
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 2: Kind of pisses me off, man.
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 3: The irony. Well, it sucks that he did this. You know,
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 3: you shouldn't go around killing people. But it didn't change anything.
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 3: That's the worst part.
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 2: Well, it just shows you, man. I mean, I saw a.
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 1: Luigi Mangione facing a slew of federal and state charges
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 1: in the sling of health care CEO Brian Thompson could
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 1: be sentenced to death if he's convicted of federal murder
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 1: charges in what criminal justice experts say was a rare
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 1: but unsurprising move to pursue the death penalty by the
• 1:42:28
  Speaker 1: Justice Department this week.
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 3: Wow. Damn.
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: Dude, remember Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that she's
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 1: instructed federal prosecutors to seek the death penalty for Mangione, 26. Dude,
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 1: remember what happened with those Epstein binders? Remember that shit?
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. That and the JFK. That just kind of
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 3: went away.
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I think there was nothing new in the JFK, right?
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 1: I think everybody just kind of, like, it feels like
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: there's nothing new there. But remember the binders? They gave
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 1: them all to these, like, six, like, kind of bizarre influencers.
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 1: And look how, I mean, bro, how staged. This is
• 1:43:01
  Speaker 1: the most staged thing ever, right?
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and they can't be like, today's the day. It's
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 3: coming out. And you're like, well, what are you doing
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 3: to me?
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 2: And then nothing has happened since then.
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 3: No, they're edging us with this list.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 2: How could it take this many years?
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: How fake or procured? It's almost like you're just... I
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: bet in the background, they are threatening everybody. You're going
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: to be on this list.
• 1:43:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:43:21
  Speaker 2: If you don't fucking file suit right now.
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 3: That's got to be it. It's leverage.
• 1:43:26
  Speaker 2: And then look at this binders. I mean, how fake
• 1:43:28
  Speaker 2: is that?
• 1:43:28
  Speaker 3: Well, we got Ghislaine. She's just sitting in a jail cell.
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 3: Let's talk to that broad. Who is it? Ghislaine Maxwell.
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 3: She did all the recruiting. Oh, yeah.
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 1: She was like the... She did the college recruiting or whatever?
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 2: She ran the portal?
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, exactly. The portal. Yeah, she's around. We can talk
• 1:43:46
  Speaker 3: to her, but no.
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 2: That's a good point. Where is she? What is she
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 2: up to?
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 3: I think she's sitting in a jail cell, living it up.
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 1: It's getting fucking interesting in the world, guys. If you
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 1: want to live in an interesting time, fucking this is it.
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 2: This is it. You like playing the game Clue? This
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 2: is it, man.
• 1:44:04
  Speaker 3: That's it. Every day is Clue. It's the school shooter
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 3: in the homeroom with the AK.
• 1:44:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, every day, dude. The Pelicans suck still.
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 2: They fucking suck.
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 3: What else is new?
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 2: Yep, that's it. Saints, you hopeful for them next season?
• 1:44:21
  Speaker 3: Always, always. I feel like we got one Super Bowl
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 3: win in 2010, and it's all downhill. But we had
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 3: the Super Bowl in New Orleans. It looked fucking amazing.
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 3: Did you go?
• 1:44:30
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:44:31
  Speaker 3: It killed me. I was texting Gillis. I was texting Bert.
• 1:44:33
  Speaker 3: I had so much FOMO because we're from there. We
• 1:44:36
  Speaker 3: should have been there. The city was alive. We should
• 1:44:38
  Speaker 3: have been there. I just had a kid, so I
• 1:44:40
  Speaker 3: couldn't leave.
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, that kid's only a couple months old?
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, two months. Wow.
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 2: Crazy is it do you really miss it when you're
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 2: gone from it.
• 1:44:47
  Speaker 3: I do he's in the car right now but you're
• 1:44:49
  Speaker 3: lying no no but uh yeah he's uh god order.
• 1:44:54
  Speaker 1: Him a coffee or something um that's a lot man
• 1:44:58
  Speaker 1: congratulations dude i feel bad i feel like i didn't
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: ask you enough about your kid no.
• 1:45:02
  Speaker 3: No it's everybody's got a kid it's retards and crackheads
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 3: have kids you know it's not that it's not that
• 1:45:07
  Speaker 3: big of a deal is.
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 2: It fun having a kid in the city or does
• 1:45:09
  Speaker 2: it make you start to think about moving out.
• 1:45:11
  Speaker 3: Well, I got lucky. Me and the lady, we had
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 3: the kid on the way, so we moved to Brooklyn.
• 1:45:15
  Speaker 3: We got a backyard. We got some space. So that helps. Okay.
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 3: But I like New York. Yeah. So we're staying. Well,
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 3: you're an energy.
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 2: You're that guy.
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Comedy. You're that guy. Mark Norman, thanks so much, dude.
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 2: You have your new series that's on YouTube?
• 1:45:31
  Speaker 3: It's on Punch Up Live, which is like a paywall
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 3: kind of thing. So go to punchuplive.com, page of stage. Okay,
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 3: page to stage. You got it.
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 2: And you have your two podcast Tuesdays with stories.
• 1:45:45
  Speaker 3: Yep. We might be drunk.
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 2: We might be drunk.
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 3: Mark Norman, thanks so much, dude. Have a blast at
• 1:45:51
  Speaker 3: Kill Tony, man. Thank you.
• 1:45:52
  Speaker 2: If we can even say you're doing it.
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:45:55
  Speaker 2: Hoot at, dude.
• 1:45:56
  Speaker 3: Hoot at for life. Good to see you, buddy.
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 2: You too, man. Thank you, bro.
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 3: Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 3: I'm falling like these leaves I must be Cornerstone Oh
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 3: But when I reach that ground I'll share this peace
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 3: of mind I found I can feel it In my
• 1:46:18
  Speaker 3: bones