Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep77: Nick meets the worst salesman ever; Evelyn loses her patience in the parking lot.

Transcript

Ep77: Nick meets the worst salesman ever; Evelyn loses her patience in the parking lot. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Reverse Jackass.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass Podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're so glad you're here.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is about bringing peace between the US and Canada, which is not a guarantee, as we've learned.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Nick.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: With me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Evelyn, say hello to these nice people.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, everyone.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're looking great today.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking great.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed that.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Art listeners are looking fine.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: A bunch of fine people.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, no ugos on this.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: No ugos.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just really raising the bar perpetually.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for that.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for taking care of yourselves.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this week is a is a Nick episode.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or I guess that today is it.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Today is it.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get a whole week.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: You just get a day.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think so bad at this.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think, yeah, we've only been doing it for what eight months now, seven and a half months.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's fine if you if you're a slow learner.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's no, there's no timeline in success.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: I actually am.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You are.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's okay.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: We're here and you're here, and you did 75% of a good job today.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it today is a Nick day.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm prepared to uh carry that carry that responsibility with me.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to tell you a story.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I had a friend in college that I will call Jacob.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And Jacob uh is a wonderful, wonderful human being.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: He has blossomed into a man in his late 40s, he might even be 50 now, who is a wonderful guy and a terrific father and a great husband.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And his wife is wonderful and delightful.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: But they were married when we were in college and they were a few years older than me.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And they had all of the sort of imperious is the wrong word, but the sort of like arms-folded expertise of two, you know, 23-year-olds who have been married for two years and just know everything.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, good.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So Jacob was one of the earlier friends that I made in college, and he was a, you know, very nice to me, but like kind of a know it all.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so it surprised me one day when Jacob called me and on one of those clunky landlines that we used back in the day.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Hey Jacob, what's going on?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Well, our car died.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're really stressed out because, you know, our our car, we were relying on it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: It died, it's all the way dead.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go buy a new car.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Would you come with us?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I don't know how that would help you, as I know nothing about cars.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do you need a ride?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And Jacob said, No, we'll actually pick you up.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're borrowing her mom's car.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I don't know how this helps.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, just for support.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just for support.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Come with us.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's really nice.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's really nice.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: You would be, you would be a person that would be great to come along for support, even in in an area that you had no knowledge of.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I can understand.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can understand.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but like, but uh, you're a good regulator of people.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think you're gonna find that that's not how this story turns out.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we go to a Honda dealership.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the first place that we start off.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if this is still Honda's reputation, but in the 90s, Honda's well-deserved reputation was that they they run forever.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you get you know 250,000 miles out of them, which was a huge amount back then.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're just great, perfect, non-flashy, solid cars, right?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So Jacob wants to start it at Honda.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We go to Honda and we walk in the door, and we immediately are seated with the most hostile-looking car salesman that I've ever seen in my life.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I gotta say, maybe we didn't look like buyers.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what made him so angry at us.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what made him hate us so bad, but it was hostile.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought this is an interesting thing because I, you know, even you know, long before I had any kind of sales in my life, I thought it can't possibly benefit this guy to act like such a dick to us.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think it's because you were wearing full Toyota brand clothing?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I came in in a Toyota shirt, I had my Toyota nose ring in.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I absolutely had I had fuck Honda written in like gothic letters on my and tattoos on my arms.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Could have been.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just thinking that probably that might have it really might have sent a message you hadn't thought of.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, something to think about.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Something to think about.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: So so we come in and the guy goes, What can I do for you?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: in a tone that says, If I had a gun, I would shoot all three of you right here, and the best part of my day would be hiding the bodies.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend Jacob, all all 23 years of expertise of him starts stuttering.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Uh, well, um, uh, you know, obviously uh we want to get uh the best possible car at the lowest possible price.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: That was and I thought a more meaningless statement could not admit if he'd said we want to buy a car, that would have been a statement of higher content than what he said.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the temperature when Jacob said that went from frozen to deepest stretches of space, negative 274 degrees Kelvin, like just icy frozen.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh god, this guy's gonna fucking eat you alive.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't have got that at the Mitsubishi dealership, just telling you that right now.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I I don't know.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it was like it was crazy.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so my friend says this profoundly stupid thing, which is weird because then it sets the tone.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this guy already doesn't want to sell us a car, but it's always already like, you know, yeah, I want to get a good car at a low price.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't of all the things I've heard in my life that are meaningless and ill-advised, this was the most meaningless and the most ill-advised.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the guy says, Well, that doesn't help me at all.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what do you need?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so then Jacob, stammering while his wife is silent, starts to tell the story of their car breaking down, which again is unhelpful, not a not an important part of the detail.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so the guy says, Yeah, this isn't this isn't doing anything.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: What are you looking for?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Maybe you could tell us some of the features of the Hondas that make them great.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the guy turns to me, like turns his body to me and goes, Are you buying a car today?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, No, I'm just here for support.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Well, on the day that you're gonna buy a car, then you can come in here and I'll talk to you.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: But right now, I'm talking to them because they're the ones that have come in here to buy a car.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Was this car salesman Will Farrell by NH?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh he was you're talking about Ashley Schaefer BMW, the greatest uh ship in Shelby, North Carolina.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no, Will Farrell would have been a welcome.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would have given anything for Ashley Schaefer in all of his horror to come in and rescue me with Scott and Cherry Blossom with Mackworthy.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I would want them all to come in and rescue me from this guy.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: No one in my life possibly has ever hated me as bad as this guy hated me.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And he was so shitty.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: On the day that you're buying a car, I'll come in and talk to you.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, wow, you're a dick.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so then he turns to my friend and Jacob says, Well, you know, yeah, what are some of the good features of Hondas?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the guy goes, They're Hondas, they sell themselves.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to tell you about how great the features are.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're just great cars and they sell themselves.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: This is the worst, not just worst salesman, but the worst human being alive.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So fucking ugly.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how the hell we stayed there for 10 more minutes, but we did.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we finally left, and then we went down the street.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I, and to this day, I don't know if this was all play acting just to make us feel better.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But we go to some other dealership down the street, maybe Toyota.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember what the make was.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we got seated by there, the guy who ran the dealership who was a good old boy.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And do you all have that term in Canada?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: A good old boy, like Yeah.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like uh, it's a it's a term for like a southern white guy who you know will put his arm around you and he's like super sweet and kind of syrupy.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that for a certain group of people, it's like the guy that makes you the most comfortable in the world.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And for a certain group of people, it's a dude that you should be terrified of and avoid at all costs, right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, we're the type of people where the good old boy is on our side.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So he comes and goes, Hey, how y'all doing?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we said, Well, we just had a really bad experience over at the Honda dealership.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Well, uh, tell me now, what happened over there?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we're like telling him is oh my goodness.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know what that boy's problem was.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on, I'm gonna call them.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know uh Jeff who runs who runs that dealership.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna I'm gonna call him.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he he goes and calls and says, uh, he comes back and he goes, That boy was new.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, he don't know what he's doing.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think he's gonna last very long in the car, Trad, if I'm gonna be honest with you.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let me help you out and uh we'll do this better.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if he ever called him.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if he knew the guy that owned the dealership, but he like literally left the room.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let me call him and came back and said, Oh, that guy's new he sucks at selling cars.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was totally nice and he gave us the whole picture.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but like pause, petition for a whole podcast to be done with you doing that accent.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's another accent because it I was so captivated when you were doing that.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's as long as I can sustain it.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: My accents are so bad.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: It was great, it was just so it was so gentle.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, good golly.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I could just I could, I just felt like myself, I felt my nervous system just kind of go into like a real nice state.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: So anytime you want to bust that out, please do not have that experience with that accent.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, fair.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're like, I don't have really any experience with that accent either.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when I do hear that accent, I think southern United States.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I do think of one area on the globe that is Paris, France.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Paris, France.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Barcelona.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: To all yeah, to all of my friends on the on the Sea of China.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I don't remember how it turned out.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, they must have gotten another car.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, they live a life in another state now, they're doing good.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: They have two incredible sons.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what happened to the car dealership, I don't know what happened to the good old boy.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know I never bought a Honda in my life, um ever.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so, so this is a story without much resolution, other than, you know, every day we have an opportunity to be a dick or not to be a dick.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And one guy chose to be a dick, and one guy chose not to be a dick, and that's that.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: So my question for you, Evelyn, is what is the most unreasonable hostility you've ever received in your life?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is that fair?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you said unreasonable, so that really kind of narrows it down a little bit.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you deserve it, that's also funny, but that's a different project.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm gonna say it was reasonable because it was right after my mom died.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I, as a person, was unreasonable.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Reasonably unreasonable.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: So at my school, there's kind of a parking lot, a long parking lot, and there's only one way to get in the parking lot at one end and to get out of it.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Via car, via Honda, actually.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: You can only come in this parking lot if you have a Honda.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then you have to leave the parking lot like at a one-way exit at the very back of the parking lot.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: When I started at the school, people would go in and out the entrance because it's right by the school.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: The exit, you're driving all the way to the back.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: So if someone if someone's doing a quick drop-off or a quick pickup, they're usually just parking alongside of the school, they're picking someone up and they're trying to get out the one way, or if they're not paying attention to the one-way sign.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I noticed this early on because, you know, I have eyes and I look at road signs, and I would never go out the one-way entrance.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't terribly busy at certain times, like, you know, drop off and pick up school times, like start and end times.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, busier.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: But often I was there later and I would leave, you know, around 4:30 or so.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: School was done at 2.30, so not a lot of people there, maybe people there for sports practice or whatever after school.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: So once I was leaving, there was like nobody in the entrance.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like nobody was coming in that way.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: There were very few cars.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I thought, you know what?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm parked closer to that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna go out the entrance because no one's here.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't you know it?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving the entrance and there's one car coming in.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Someone had turned off the street to come into the parking lot, and they roll down their window and scream at me.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's one way asshole, is what they scream at me.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Canadian rolled down their window and said it's one-way asshole.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, oh my gosh, what are the odds?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I never did it again.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: In that same parking lot years late, no, that was when I first started.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: So that was back 2007, 2008.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: When my mom died in 2017, at this point, I was well versed leaving at the back of the parking lot.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as I'm leaving back there, like there was construction and it was not well marked.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: They were repairing whether it's potholes or repairing the, I don't even know, but you could not get out that way.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it was not marked.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot stress this enough.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Other than the utility vehicles and some patchwork that was being done.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: 15 workers, 50 jackhammers.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, other than the water main bridge, barrels.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: The the 18-foot geyser of water blowing straight up in the air.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: There would be no way to know.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: Streets were flooded, Noah's Ark was passing by, but there was no signs.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, what was I supposed to do?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm heading up there, and there's this one guy in an orange vest just pointing at me, giving the giving the index finger wag at me to turn around.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: He would be like, you know, no, no, no, no, turn around.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm feeling particularly feisty at this given moment.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like doing the whole hands in the air.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: I can't like, how?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: I can't, I can't go out that way.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's one way.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta go this way.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And he's coming up and and like very passive aggressively, but also like the vibe on his face was you really should know better.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like you can't go out this way, you idiot.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was that kind of, you know, and so I turned around.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is not one of my prouder moments, but I turned, I turned my car around very slowly, and I I rolled my window down and I screamed looking at that man.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: You can go and then I left and drove out the front entranceway.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that's maybe one of my my less kind greetings that I've ever done.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And and your mom looked down from heaven and said said, Nope.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: You go, girl.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: No, I do not, I do not think that's how that went.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: A greeting, a greeting that I got recently was actually in a Tim Hortons drive-thru.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I went during a busier time, right?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: You can imagine like pre-work times, those drive-throughs are packed.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was going, I was on my way to therapy, and uh, typically the way it works is because it takes me a while to get across the city.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go to the Tim Hortons near my therapy office, I'll get a couple omelet bites and a coffee and a hash brown, and I'll eat it in the parking lot and then I'll go into my therapy session.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, can I pause this?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: What is an omelet bite?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's just a little, like a little egg bite, like a little um What shape is it?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Not spherical, but like a fat disc.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: A fat disc.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: I go to Tim Hortons to get a couple fat discs if he catches my dream.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's why that's why don't call them that.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's why they call them an omelet.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fat discs.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: The fattest discs that I can find.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Girthy, Gerthy Hortons.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm stuffed to the brim with discs.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, fat discs.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: I I wish I could be in your brain to just understand the whole ecosystem that Tim Hortons has in there and what I have created on my own.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like what I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is just like Roy Rogers, but like I'm confident I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be like, oh, is this just is this just dunk dude?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: You might, you might.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: It looks more Canadian.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do next time I go, I'm gonna go inside and I'm gonna send you a video.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm gonna do.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then and then you're gonna describe it on the podcast.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like we'll do a we'll do a follow-up on this segment.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're fitting a bunch of di discs in your mouth.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I am bunch of bacon, bunch of pork discs in my mouth.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if you took two Reese and put them on top of each other, it probably would be that size.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, little omelet bite.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I get the bacon omelette bites.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And uh satisfying not enough to choke on, though.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: I can't, I can't, I can't jump on this train.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's not what I heard.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, oh my god.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's times when this podcast is my favorite thing in the world, and then there's times when I just want to crawl in a hall and crawl in a hall and die.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Crawl in a hole.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: If I haven't ruined this podcast for you, then I'm sorry.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you ruin this podcast for me, I will come for your life because this brings me so much joy.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want anyone, including you, to take that away from me.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I go to Tim Hortons and I'm in the drive-thru.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And craving.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: With craving.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Amber, I need your help in moments like this.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like, what do I do?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: When Nick starts doing this, what do I do, Amber?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: You can text me after listening to this.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I know you will, and I love you for it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: So the the drive-thru is long.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I get up to the you know what?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Can you the drive-thru is long and it's satiable.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: I regret coming on this call today.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: I really do.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can you can't stop setting these dominoes up, can you?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, I can't.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: I can't.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: This is oh, I'm so scared to talk.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, uh, I get to the window as soon as I am taking my card to tap to pay the power flickers.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, they were overloaded.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: And the power flickers and all their machines go down.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have to do they?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a it's like a fucking Android orgy over there.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to finish this story anymore.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: We're just waiting for the queue.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how to finish this story anymore.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't even, I don't even know.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Listeners, do you notice something?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: I want to ask.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you notice that when Nick tells his stories that I am a silent yet supporter and one might even say uninterruptive listener?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: My stories are not all double entendres strung together.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, they could be.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, help yourself.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm if I'm if I'm setting up a buffet, I want you to eat.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, listen.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mmm, okay.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Long story short, okay.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: The machines were taking too long to come back online.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the manager was like, What is the holdup at the window?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: What's taking so long in here?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Our machines are now, we're waiting for the debit machines to come back up.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, No, just just what did she order?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Oh, like I just ordered omelet discs and a coffee and a hash brown.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Okay, okay, well, just just give them to her.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And she kind of almost throws everything through the drive-thru window into my car.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: It was a very hearty toss.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: She says, take it all.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: She says, No, she says, she says, Merry Christmas.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then she goes, next.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Thank you.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just got like$12 worth of food for free.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: That was really nice.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Christmas miracle.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: A little Christmas miracle.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it'll be a miracle if we get through this episode still as friends, quite frankly, in my opinion.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that's my story.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's my prompt.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I it it doesn't even matter.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: I just think it was it doesn't even matter anymore.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: I regret, I regret that how hard the last 15 minutes of this podcast has been for you, but I want you to know that it has brought me enough joy that my respiratory system is trying to recover from it.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I felt after the omelets.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh see, I don't think you actually regret the last 15 minutes of the omelette.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I only regret it.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, I can never actually tell if I've offended you or not.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so if I have offended you, then I actually do regret it.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if I haven't, then no, this was the best 15 minutes of my week.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love it.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, I live for this shit.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you just can't tell.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: That just makes me really happy.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of power.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it really is.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to abuse it, but I will abuse it all the time.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to, but I will.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: I get it.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Of all people in your in the world, I get it.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't say I've had like a like a like a nasty, I'm sure I have, and I just can't think about it, but you know, I can't remember.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it was very like it was abrupt.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: I understand.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think those kind of things happen more under duress.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas I don't think that really happened, like on my and my experiences, but I don't think yours did.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, unless that guy just got the worst news of his life at the Honda dealership.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, did he just get a phone call that his wife is leaving him for somebody else?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then and then back on the floor, time to hustle.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: All three of us would have been lovely people for him to tell that to.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: We would have been so nice and listened, and we would have validated him.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Even pre-therapy Nick would have would have been good about that.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if that is what happened, then it is a damn shame that he instead chose to blow a sale.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: That was his choice.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: That that could have been like how often do you get a client that's coming in already convinced they're gonna buy?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're they were ready to buy a car.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: At a car dealership, I can't imagine it happens a lot.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Although this guy, Mr.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Honda's sell themselves, apparently that was his entire business model was.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I'll sit here and then one day you'll come in and offer me money for one of these cars without us having a conversation.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'll sit here and make you feel like a total piece of crap on the bottom of my shoe, and then you will still just want to throw money at me.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine that confidence.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have I couldn't.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: But I think you might.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think given the right circumstances and the right uh mentoring and coaching and and fertilizer, I think I think that could be your next chapter.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: From your lips to God's ears, Evelyn.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: We'll never know.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: We'll keep you posted, listeners.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: We will keep you posted.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: We will keep you posted.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: In the meantime, that's all we have for the reverse jackass podcast today.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, our country's moved just a little bit closer to peace, although it's possible that the opposite is true.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we we love to hear, we love to hear from you.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: We love uh emails at reversejackass at gmail.com.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: We love voice memos if you happen to have one of our phone numbers or if you want to email a voice memo.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: We love to gather and play those things.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we love feedback, nuanced, constructive, angry, yeah, critical, uh nonsensical feedback.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: We love all that.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but most of all, we love you, and we hope that you keep listening to this podcast and tell everybody that you know about it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I couldn't have said it better myself.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Although I think maybe I could have if I had thought of something first, but you get to have this one.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's the key, is you just uh by you I mean me.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: You just you just go on a ramble and you suck all the air out of the room, and then it doesn't matter whether anybody else has anything to say.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: You just go for it.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: And if there was ever a more American thing coming out of your mouth, I don't think I've heard it.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Some neighbors are besties.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Stuck together through geography.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: One of us has nukes, and the other has tok.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's revolution.