Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Christy Carlson Romano on Reliving Trauma and Learning to Saying No

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Christy Carlson Romano on Reliving Trauma and Learning to Saying No · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

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  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Christy
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  Speaker 1: Carlson Romano has grown up a lot since her Kim
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  Speaker 1: Possible days, not without some major missteps and lessons along
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  Speaker 1: the way. Let's jump back into our conversation. Your book
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  Speaker 1: just covers so many difficult periods of your life from
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  Speaker 1: like we talked about addiction and you talk about toxic
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  Speaker 1: relationships and financial loss. I'm wondering what was the hardest
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  Speaker 1: part for you while you were writing it?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, reliving these downs, you know, reliving these moments when
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  Speaker 2: I pushed them down so long. And, you know, I
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  Speaker 2: might have remembered them as I saw them through a
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  Speaker 2: lens of safety. But ultimately, when you have to put
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  Speaker 2: them on paper and write out the names and write
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  Speaker 2: out the dates and write out the specifics of where
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  Speaker 2: you were when you were assaulted. Like those are the
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  Speaker 2: moments in your life when you really have to reflect
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  Speaker 2: and say, well, where am I at with this now
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  Speaker 2: that this happened so long ago? And like it or not, you're,
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  Speaker 2: you have to meet yourself and you have to hold
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  Speaker 2: the mirror to yourself. And I don't think I was,
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  Speaker 2: it took me two years to write this. So I
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  Speaker 2: don't think I was prepared and, um, uh, in terms
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  Speaker 2: of what I was going to find. And I wrestled
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  Speaker 2: with that over writing this, because again, I did want
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  Speaker 2: it to be so, so honest and vulnerable. And so
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  Speaker 2: there's a lot of unbecoming things in this book. This
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  Speaker 2: isn't a book that, that holds back and makes you
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  Speaker 2: think like that things were that I was the victim
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  Speaker 2: or the hero. It it's, you know, there's a lot
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  Speaker 2: of accountability that's being taken. And I think that's a
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  Speaker 2: credit to, you know, sobriety and just my, my honest
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  Speaker 2: devotion to wanting to give the best books to my
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  Speaker 2: daughters that they could possibly read and be like, that
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  Speaker 2: was mom. I can tell that that's my mom. That's
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  Speaker 2: not someone pretending to be somebody else.
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  Speaker 1: Very valuable. I know so many adults just watching you.
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  Speaker 1: What has it been like reconnecting with that audience at
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  Speaker 1: such a different stage in your life because you kind
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  Speaker 1: of stepped away from the business but then returned and
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  Speaker 1: now you're working as an actress again. You have this
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  Speaker 1: book out. How has it felt returning to your same
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  Speaker 1: audience but in a completely different way?
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  Speaker 2: Well, you know how it is. It's like we have
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  Speaker 2: this skill set that we've learned from a very early age.
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  Speaker 2: So returning to it, felt really normal. Um, as crazy
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  Speaker 2: as that sounds, it was like, well, this is what
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  Speaker 2: I know how to do. I know how to be
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  Speaker 2: on set and I know how to hit my marks
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  Speaker 2: and I know how to, you know, act, but, uh,
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  Speaker 2: the rest of it, like interacting with folks has been lovely,
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  Speaker 2: like over the years going into comic cons and, and
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  Speaker 2: doing appearances and, or seeing people on the street who
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  Speaker 2: have watched my YouTube channel over the years, a lot
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  Speaker 2: of people are impacted in a way that you don't realize.
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  Speaker 2: And so at first, I think we can compare ourselves
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  Speaker 2: to maybe the other people that came up with us.
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  Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, well, this is where that person
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  Speaker 2: is today. And you have to really look at yourself
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  Speaker 2: and say, this is where I'm at. And where I'm
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  Speaker 2: at matters too. And that's what is most important is
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  Speaker 2: kind of just putting the blinders on and looking only
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  Speaker 2: at yourself in the mirror. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's hard work though.
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  Speaker 2: It does.
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  Speaker 1: It takes a certain amount of devotion to really wanting
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  Speaker 1: to become the best version of yourself, the best mom
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  Speaker 1: you can be, the best wife you can be.
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  Speaker 2: Every day.
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  Speaker 1: And just, you know, learning to love yourself in a
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  Speaker 1: completely different way, I think.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. You're right. And I think, you know, even
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  Speaker 2: even as a mom, like you, you tend to need
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  Speaker 2: to renegotiate your your role in society as well. So
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't just stop because we've learned certain lessons. I
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  Speaker 2: think it just there's always new lessons to recommit yourself
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  Speaker 2: to try to try to, like you said, choose yourself.
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  Speaker 2: It's not easy to do.
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  Speaker 1: Nope, nope. Your kids are Are your kids Disney kids?
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  Speaker 1: I just assume they are because what kid isn't a
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  Speaker 1: Disney kid these days?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But what is that like for you? Because you went
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  Speaker 1: from being on the show that the kids are watching
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  Speaker 1: to now having these two daughters watching it and you're
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  Speaker 1: watching it with them from, you know, the kitchen or
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  Speaker 1: whatever you're doing.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. My kids love the parks.
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  Speaker 1: They love it.
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  Speaker 2: They love the culture of Disney. And my avatar for
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  Speaker 2: my Disney Plus profile is Kim Possible. Of course, it's
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  Speaker 2: really cute that I get to that I actually get
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  Speaker 2: to do that. And I know that my daughter has
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  Speaker 2: told repeatedly different teachers like my mommy's can possible. And
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  Speaker 2: I it makes me very proud, because I am proud
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  Speaker 2: of the work that I've done. There's, there's no negativity
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  Speaker 2: towards that. And I love that the girls kind of
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  Speaker 2: are engaging with it, but I've never pushed it on
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  Speaker 2: to them to like, watch my shows or, you know,
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  Speaker 2: expect them to, to, to have a desire for that. Um,
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  Speaker 2: and yeah, I mean, they're, they're watching, they're watching some
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  Speaker 2: of the, the new Disney crop and it's cute because it's,
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  Speaker 2: it's wild to see just how far that channel has come.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, when, when I, yeah. And I'm sure you
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  Speaker 2: can relate when you guys came out, it was unprecedented,
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  Speaker 2: like you said, and then here we are today and it's,
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  Speaker 2: it's just, it's just wild to see how far it's become.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you were playing such a strong female role
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  Speaker 1: model kind of character with Kim Possible. I mean, I
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  Speaker 1: don't know if they were showing other programming like that
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  Speaker 1: before Kim Possible, but I definitely remember the impact it
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  Speaker 1: had on my girls and just that sensation of, look
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  Speaker 1: how strong she is, that girl. And I can do
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  Speaker 1: that if Kim Possible can do that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's probably, if you were to ask me what
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  Speaker 2: my favorite role has been to play, it would be
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  Speaker 2: Kim Possible because of that exact thing of, how many
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  Speaker 2: little girls it inspired to think that they can do
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  Speaker 2: anything and be anything and not a trite way and
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  Speaker 2: like a truly, you know, focused and not a dreamy way.
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  Speaker 2: So I love that character, I really do.
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  Speaker 1: So would you ever take your daughters out on the
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  Speaker 1: audition trail?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
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  Speaker 1: If they were like, mommy, I want to be on
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  Speaker 1: a show like you were, would you let them do it?
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  Speaker 2: You know, this is a great question. And I have
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  Speaker 2: to at least say in the beginning of this is
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  Speaker 2: that I'm not anti, A, I'm not anti-industry, but B,
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  Speaker 2: I'm not anti-arts. Like, I think it's super important for
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  Speaker 2: the kids to be exposed to the arts and involved
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  Speaker 2: in the arts and I do find that when money
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  Speaker 2: comes into play that we're like, we were talking about
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  Speaker 2: commodification and consumable. I worry that there's, there's a lot
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  Speaker 2: in me that would be triggered to really want to
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  Speaker 2: do it right for them so that, but I mean,
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  Speaker 2: I know how to do it right. We save their money. We,
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  Speaker 2: you know, you get all the things you need to get, but,
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  Speaker 2: but even before then the rejection and the certain things
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  Speaker 2: that kind of, kind of dumbed down the spirit. And I, I,
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  Speaker 2: I would hate to see that. I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: I could live through that again. Um, but I wouldn't
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  Speaker 2: want to make it about me. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But it wouldn't even be about you because you're watching
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  Speaker 1: your girls face that rejection on, you know, weekly basis,
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  Speaker 1: if not longer, and not to mention the scrutiny of
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  Speaker 1: the world that would be thrust upon them.
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  Speaker 2: Right, exactly, exactly. And I worry about that just as
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  Speaker 2: they get social media eventually. But for now, they are
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  Speaker 2: not showing signs. I take it day by day with
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  Speaker 2: this question. For now, they're not showing signs of wanting
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  Speaker 2: to do anything in the arts. They're still so young.
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  Speaker 2: And we're just focused on their milestones right now. I
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  Speaker 2: feel like these are milestones that I didn't really get
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  Speaker 2: to have. Oh, I love that. I'm reliving, I'm reparenting
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  Speaker 2: myself by parenting my children. And it's, it's really, it's
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  Speaker 2: a beautiful thing to have.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. If you could say something to that
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  Speaker 1: younger version of you who was just starting out, who
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  Speaker 1: was on even Steven, what would you say to her?
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  Speaker 2: I would say, um, don't be afraid to say no
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  Speaker 2: because I said yes to everything. Hmm. And I was like,
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  Speaker 2: very scared to have my own thoughts and my own boundaries. And,
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  Speaker 2: you know, don't be afraid to say no, you know,
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  Speaker 2: I mean, no is a is a complete sentence. And
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  Speaker 2: owning what you don't want really puts you on the
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  Speaker 2: path of what it is that you do want. And
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  Speaker 2: so I think that being more selective would have been
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  Speaker 2: really great. But I mean, of course, I'm grateful for
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  Speaker 2: the experiences that I did get. But I think in general,
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  Speaker 2: I could have said no a little bit more, not
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  Speaker 2: into the bigger opportunities, but just with little things, you know,
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  Speaker 2: with things that I think back on and say, okay,
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  Speaker 2: maybe I should have said no about, you know, wearing
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  Speaker 2: that outfit that I was uncomfortable in or something, or,
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  Speaker 2: you know, said no to, my mom about an independent
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  Speaker 2: movie I did that I had to say something a
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  Speaker 2: little graphic at an early age. And, you know, I
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  Speaker 2: wish I had a little bit more of that backbone,
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  Speaker 2: but we look back and, and it's hard for a
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  Speaker 2: child to tell their parents or an industry. Yeah. No.
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  Speaker 1: You don't want to disappoint them. You brought up such
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  Speaker 1: an interesting thing that I've always wondered about. So when
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  Speaker 1: you see a young child actor have to deliver really
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  Speaker 1: adult content, either lines or be in scenes around, you know,
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  Speaker 1: stuff they shouldn't be exposed to, how does that happen?
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  Speaker 1: How does that work? How does that affect that child?
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  Speaker 2: I personally think it affects them deeply. And I would
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  Speaker 2: hope that they have some therapist that works with them
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  Speaker 2: after the fact or semi-regularly. I mean, my children have
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  Speaker 2: had talk therapy at times in their lives when we've
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  Speaker 2: needed to unpack things. And I think it's really meaningful
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  Speaker 2: to have a community of people that are focused on
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  Speaker 2: your mental health when you're literally channeling your dog dying
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  Speaker 2: so that you can summon the tears in a scene.
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  Speaker 2: you know, when you're that young, how much do you
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  Speaker 2: have to pull from? So you either invent things or
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  Speaker 2: you're sourcing it from feelings of inadequacy and grief, you know?
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  Speaker 2: And so I think having to have protocols that I
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  Speaker 2: know I've had some peers of mine, Alison Stoner comes
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  Speaker 2: to mind that has been working towards creating protocols with
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  Speaker 2: the union and stuff like that so that they can
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  Speaker 2: really figure out how to fix that problem. Because I
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  Speaker 2: can't imagine that that goes away. It doesn't go away.
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  Speaker 2: It compounds over time. And I think it is partly
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  Speaker 2: why I said, I feel like early fame can be
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  Speaker 2: like CTE is because over time, if these things aren't addressed,
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  Speaker 2: then that trauma kind of lives within you. And it's
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  Speaker 2: like that old saying of the body keeps the score.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that's, that was ended up happening.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely. I can 100% understand that. And what I
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  Speaker 1: had to do as a young girl and all the
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  Speaker 1: trauma that I put my mind and my body and
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  Speaker 1: my emotions through, I absolutely carried that with me for
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  Speaker 1: many years. And I didn't think I did until it
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  Speaker 1: was all just too much to carry. And then unpacking
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  Speaker 1: it was even harder. So I think what you're talking about,
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  Speaker 1: about providing some opportunity for young actors to be able
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  Speaker 1: to really talk about stuff and how it's really affecting
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  Speaker 1: them in an open environment where they feel safe, you know,
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  Speaker 1: not with their mom, not with their agent, not with
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  Speaker 1: the director, with somebody who doesn't have some sort of
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  Speaker 1: investment in them.
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  Speaker 2: 1000%. I agree.
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  Speaker 1: I agree with that all so much. Christy, you've survived.
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  Speaker 1: You're not a train wreck. So congratulations for making it
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  Speaker 1: this far. I wish, you know, I love it when
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  Speaker 1: people are like, you did it. And you know what,
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  Speaker 1: for just sharing your story and being so open about
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  Speaker 1: every part of what made you who you are today.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Once Upon a Train Wreck is Christy's new memoir. It's
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  Speaker 1: available now. There it is. So beautiful. I love that cover.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Before I let you go, Christy Carlson Romano, what was
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  Speaker 1: your last I choose me moment?
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  Speaker 2: I will say I thought about this and I believe
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  Speaker 2: it was writing the book.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. That's definitely a choice.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do.
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  Speaker 1: Well, thank you for making that choice and sharing your story.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you. Keep it up. Okay, I will.
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  Speaker 1: See you out there.