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617. How to Unravel a Habit You No Longer Want · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to just actually go, okay, hold on.
0:02
[SPEAKER_01]: How often this happening?
0:03
[SPEAKER_01]: What is the problem that's happening here?
0:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And how do I remove the prompt?
0:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, how do I evolve changes scenario or change the setting?
0:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the be it till you see it podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor and fitness business coach.
0:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:33
[SPEAKER_01]: My friends, action brings clarity.
0:36
[SPEAKER_01]: and it's the antidote to fear.
0:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Each week my guess will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it until you see it.
0:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
0:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd be at Babe, we're here to talk about how to break a bad habit.
1:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, actually strike that reverse that it is have to unravel.
1:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I habit we no longer want like specificity in words matters.
1:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I studied habits and I was studying and reading B.J.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Bogtani habits and then doing his program, it was so cool to hear that there's no such thing as a bad habit.
1:19
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, there's no such thing as a bad habit.
1:21
[SPEAKER_01]: There's only habits that no longer serve us, but at some point they did.
1:24
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are new to the podcast, hello, I'm also Logan, and we are in the middle of the habits series.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And so normally with our episodes, I'm like, listen to whatever you want, go back and forth.
1:33
[SPEAKER_01]: When we're in the series, I might, I would suggest you go to the first episode on habits.
1:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's several episodes back.
1:39
[SPEAKER_01]: We're almost halfway through basically the habits series and this is a series I want to come back to whenever you want to add in a new habit.
1:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So you definitely want to check them with number one, because we can get here.
1:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But in this episode itself, I'd be something you will listen to over and over again, because you might come across habits at no longer serve you.
1:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason I say that is at some point a habit, something became a habit because it was serving you at the time and then it kind of got out of hand, right?
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: maybe eating lunch at your desk, like, was something you had to do because you were in a busy work week.
2:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it just became something that you always did.
2:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And you are now feeling quite lonely because you're not going out and having lunch with friends because you have this habit of eating lunch at your desk.
2:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing wrong with the lunch at your desk, right?
2:26
[SPEAKER_01]: There's actually, like, at it's a disservice level, there's something wrong with it.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's no longer a serving you.
2:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you have to break this habit, right?
2:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that would be really weird because how do you break up with lunch?
2:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You eat, you eat.
2:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So the truth is, is that there's the way it reason that BJ Fog talk about unraveling a habit to no longer works is that there was a series of events that got you to the habit that you have.
2:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a prompt that goes off that causes you to do the thing that you no longer want to do.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a bell, but you can think of it like a bell.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a prompt that happens.
3:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So for example, if every time your boss calls you bite your nails,
3:07
[SPEAKER_01]: The prompt about your nails, start with your boss calling, right?
3:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we can't stop your boss from calling, but knowing what the prompt is allows us to kind of understand like, what can we do?
3:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So, if you're looking at your life and they're looking at the things that you're like, oh, I wish I could change.
3:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I wish I didn't have a second one of my clients and she's like, yeah, I find myself munching at after dinner, even though I'm not hungry.
3:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And so by the way, there's like, again, there's nothing wrong with munching after dinner.
3:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But she no longer wants to munch after dinner.
3:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's affecting her sleep.
3:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It's affecting the goals that she has.
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And energy has to the morning, still no longer working for her.
3:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So I told her, I said, well, we have to review like what is the prompt to grabbing the extra snacks?
3:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, is there a phone call?
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there a text?
3:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there a show you watch?
3:54
[SPEAKER_01]: where are you having the extra snacks like, what's going on at this prompt start it?
4:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So she just sort of evaluate what was her mind going through and she realized it's kind of when she is just scrolling on social with the TV going that she wants to munch, right?
4:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's actually just not really even mean present.
4:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,
4:13
[SPEAKER_01]: When you know kind of like the prompt and the situation that we can actually make decisions on what we're going to do to unravel this, in my example of the boss calls you about your nails, we can't actually stop the boss from calling most likely.
4:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So that prompt is that something we can remove, but if the prompt is something you could remove, right, then you would just remove the prompt, like, where you try to move the prompt, right?
4:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So if like, oh, you know, like, every much of this TV show that I and then I sit and have bag of chips.
4:40
[SPEAKER_01]: We could just remove the tips or the TV show.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: The problem with some of the removals of prompts is that it creates a suction of vacuum, right?
4:51
[SPEAKER_01]: That makes you want to do it more.
4:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And BJ's book he talked about this woman who didn't want to eat at her, like she was just
4:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's like munching like candy or whatever other desk.
5:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And so of course people be like, let's just don't buy the candy.
5:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
5:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So she didn't.
5:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she found herself wanting something to do at her desk because she's had this habit of like having these M&Ms that are desk.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So she ended up going to the vending machine and getting like a couple candy bars, which was more than the amount of them that she ate at her desk and so that's what I'm saying when like you just take the thing away it creates a vacuum that's actually a bit more powerful because of your brain is thinking about it.
5:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So what ended up working for this person was actually to buy carrots and salaries and other things that like would you condemn a little bit more healthier.
5:40
[SPEAKER_01]: as snacks at her desk.
5:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's still snacks at her desk.
5:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't remove that she's at her desk.
5:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't remove that she's at work.
5:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't remove the stress of work.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're just swapping out the habit for something else that she feels would serve her better.
5:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Those those those things that those foods that would give her more energy.
5:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So in your life, what are some habits you want to unravel?
5:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I mentioned in the first episode like I do play a video game and I probably play a little more than I that I need to and it's affecting my ability to
6:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Read more right, and I'm also wanting to start.
6:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been wanting to I've been studying taro I would call it taro because my friend called it taro taro taro right and so I've got this study book that I've got and I've been playing with different apps
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: that you can use to study taro because clearly like I'm with my phone the reason the prompt is I'm in line usually or sitting in the car we're in traffic or and Brad's on a call like there's I'm I'm bored right I'm bored and my phone is a thing that I have I'm in a doctor's office waiting to be called like yes I could bring up a book around with me everywhere but I actually don't carry a purse that often.
6:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So
6:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So what if I don't want to play the video game anymore, I could swap it for one of these apps that helps me study to row, right?
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's a case of like, okay, there's a habit, I don't like about myself.
6:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I window I do it.
6:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this is what I do it.
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So the prompt is usually boredom.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's replace it with something we do want to do.
7:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And then make that the new habit.
7:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, going back to episode one, how do you make things the habit?
7:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to celebrate
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: that we like doing it, that we're doing it, we have to acknowledge and we're doing it, right?
7:16
[SPEAKER_01]: All that kind of stuff.
7:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So whenever you're replacing something, it doesn't just become the new habit.
7:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You do have to go through the steps that we talked about in the first three episodes on the series, but you replace it with the habit you no longer want with something else.
7:30
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are in an instance where you can unravel the habit, right?
7:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You can really figure out
7:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I get like, let's say an example of a prompt you can control.
7:45
[SPEAKER_01]: After I get home from work, I sit down on the couch and I veg out.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So the prompt is that you get home from work and you sit down, right?
7:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So we can unravel that by, well, what if you actually went somewhere else before you got home?
7:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
8:00
[SPEAKER_01]: What if you just didn't go straight home?
8:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you have to go straight home because you've got kiddos.
8:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, then what can you do with your kiddo that could replace the opportunity to sit down on the couch?
8:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So we just need to keep you from the couch.
8:12
[SPEAKER_01]: with using another habit.
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We got to change the prompt.
8:15
[SPEAKER_01]: This is making sense.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So it is complicated.
8:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Some people's habits are really difficult.
8:20
[SPEAKER_01]: They have immersed themselves in their lives.
8:22
[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking like smoking or drinking.
8:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe negative self-talk, right?
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Going to unravel, negative self-talk.
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to first notice what the prompt is.
8:32
[SPEAKER_01]: What goes off in your day that becomes the thing that goes, I have to talk badly about myself right now.
8:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's hard.
8:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to those ones that are a little bit more omnipresent.
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: They kind of come with us on a lot of different places.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to just actually go, okay, hold on.
8:49
[SPEAKER_01]: How often is happening?
8:50
[SPEAKER_01]: What is the prompt that's happening here?
8:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And how do I remove the prompt?
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I
8:57
[SPEAKER_01]: evolve changes scenario or change the setting in the first episodes I talked about when you make a habit like you also to make sure that like where the habit is happening your day is like in the same place like if you want to actually be working out but you are at work like the habits not going to.
9:14
[SPEAKER_01]: to necessarily work, right?
9:15
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to clean the kitchen, but you're usually in the garage at that time, it's going to be really hard for you to get to the kitchen.
9:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that sounds like crazy.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Some kitchen, the garage is our next to each other, but like, you'd be surprised the effort that feels like a lot.
9:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So in all these cases, just taking in the time to go, what is starting the domino to the habit that no longer serves me?
9:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And then where is the scenario happening?
9:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it a location?
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we can block and bless people who are mean to us.
9:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that causes things like maybe you've got some of your family that whenever they call, you're just so stressed out afterwards.
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you're like, oh, I need a drink.
9:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's the prompt.
9:57
[SPEAKER_01]: But the reality is there's like many of us are not gonna not talk to our family members.
10:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Many of us are actually gonna take the call.
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So what do you do if you have that?
10:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there was this really cool instance where BJ talked about this woman
10:11
[SPEAKER_01]: was avoiding talking, taking calls with her, soon to be ex-husband.
10:15
[SPEAKER_01]: What was making the divorce drag on, and she was doing that because every time I talked to him, would stress her out, so she wouldn't talk to him.
10:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And then of course, they're not divorced, right?
10:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically she made a new decision.
10:27
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, okay, every time I get on the phone with him to talk about these things, I'm going to immediately book myself something that I want to do.
10:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So then she actually looked forward to every time he called, because it's like, okay, I took this call, I get to go book by myself, movie tickets, that movie I wanted to see.
10:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I get my nails done.
10:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I get to book that massage.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, she just started rewarding herself with things that she wanted to do.
10:48
[SPEAKER_01]: It made the phone calls so much easier to get through because she knew if soon as she got off, she was doing something fun for herself.
10:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It made the divorce happen sooner.
10:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So,
10:55
[SPEAKER_01]: If you can't avoid certain prompts that cause certain stresses or negative self-talk or feelings you no longer want to have, what can we change that we do in the after part and make that the habit and then take that, go back to episode one and run through the process.
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Every time there's a habit you want to create, we have to go back to episode one and run to the process because we might think we know what's going to work.
11:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But then when you actually sit down and you look at like, okay, is that easier hard to do?
11:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it easy for me to book myself a facial?
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right?
11:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Or do I want to?
11:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, can I afford to?
11:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Ooh, maybe that makes it harder.
11:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe that's not the thing.
11:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Every time I talk to my brother who starts to me out, I'm gonna book myself a facial.
11:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That might not be an option.
11:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But maybe you always get to go on a hike, right?
11:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe you get to,
11:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you get to, you know, go read a book or maybe you call maybe you have like some music that you play this house whenever we have a big work thing going on that causes a little anxiety little nervousness a little like, oh, I don't know if this is going to work.
12:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what to do.
12:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We actually have a YouTube video that we play.
12:11
[SPEAKER_01]: and we play it, and it just, her voice comes by nerves, right?
12:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Her message, like, lifts my spirits and by the end.
12:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm ready to do it.
12:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm ready to do the thing.
12:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I would just say, like, this part of the habits building does take some self-awareness, huge self-awareness, but also it requires us to explore, like, what is it that we really want?
12:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it also requires us to really be honest and take a 30,000-foot view of the things we no longer want.
12:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so easy to beat ourselves up for the habits you don't like about yourself, reading your email at night.
12:51
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, if that's a habit that you have you no longer want, sure we could just say, don't look at your phone at night.
12:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, but then what are you going to do because it creates a vacuum?
13:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So what is the prompt that makes you open your phone?
13:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we remove that prompt?
13:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, no, we have to have the phone because like you have a partner who works late.
13:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, can we remove email from your phone?
13:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we set up apps that don't allow you to open up your email on your phone after a certain hour?
13:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, great, all these things are great ideas, but then because this is a habit and because it's going to be plaguing your brain to check that email and you're just going to go to your computer to check it.
13:31
[SPEAKER_01]: What can you do instead?
13:32
[SPEAKER_01]: How can we replace it?
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So we don't have this void that causes a lot of pull, like a magnet as a pull.
13:38
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you want to do instead if you aren't checking email and what are you doing?
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So something that I replace like checking my phone at night with is actually
13:48
[SPEAKER_01]: One, I take a nice, long shower with ups and salts scrub.
13:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Not a bath, an ups and salts scrub.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, I love it.
13:54
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I really want to follow up with, so we did with Rachel Varga.
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, two, I put my red light masks on.
14:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to lay in my bed with my clean face, my clean chest.
14:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to lay in my bed for 10 minutes.
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So I can't, I can't check my emails.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't read them.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm laying in my bed with my red lights on.
14:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And then by the time that's over, it's so tired.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It's enough to see the last moisturizer thing
14:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, so if you have things you want to remove from your life, it is a weave to web that's been woven.
14:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So what were the strands that got you to where you are?
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: How do we take those things?
14:30
[SPEAKER_01]: How do we untangle this mass?
14:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And then what are we going to place it with that you want to do?
14:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Go back through episode 1 to 3.
14:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can come back here and work on the next one.
14:40
[SPEAKER_01]: These things can take time so be kind yourself.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, celebrations do matter.
14:45
[SPEAKER_01]: shame and judgment do not create habits, nor will they help you unravel a habit.
14:51
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so in our next episode, we are going to talk about
14:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Just some things to like consider when it comes to making a habit because I think it's really easy for perfectionism getting the ways when we talk about that and then we'll also go into episode six will just be a bit more about how habits can help you be until you see it.
15:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's where this podcast is about.
15:10
[SPEAKER_01]: If this was helpful, if the series would helpful, I would it would mean the world to me if you would send it to a friend.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: It really the this podcast, the growth of this podcast,
15:23
[SPEAKER_01]: If we want bigger gas, like some of you have some amazing gas, and I'm like, oh my god, I love that you think I'm that huge.
15:29
[SPEAKER_01]: We definitely have to be huge.
15:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're getting there.
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: We are getting there so mighty, and it means the world to me that you're listening, and I can't wait to keep growing with you.
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to be a toysuit with you.
15:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to hear you use these habits in your life.
15:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So share this up, friend.
15:43
[SPEAKER_01]: We continue to grow, and then the whole world is being a toysuit.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I got for this episode of The Beat Tell You See at Podcasts.
15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
15:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
15:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Beat Pot on Instagram.
16:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to know more about you.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it.
16:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Help us and others Beat Tell You See it.
16:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Have an awesome day.
16:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
16:18
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
16:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
16:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
16:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
16:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
16:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith route for keeping us all on point and on time.