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Why Narcissists Can Never Be Happy · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissist cannot be
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  truly happy, why happiness seems to escape narcissistic people.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  What's going on folks? Hope you're having a beautiful
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  day. Third day of the new year, new
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  year, new you. What's going on?
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  What's popping? What's cracking?
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  What up? Somebody told me I have my hurry
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  up in every video they said Lee put your hair down for a video.
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  So y'all got hair down Lee and you know I'm serious when I'm
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  when the hair is down I get serious.
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  You see what I'm saying? Well, Lee, how long you been
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  growing your hair? 16 years.
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  My son is 16 years old. Always measured by how long you
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  how how how long he's been on earth.
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  I saw growing my hair February of 2008.
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  So that maybe 17 years next one. It's crazy, but yeah, Yeah.
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  Why can't narcissistic people be happy?
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  Why can't like, why does happiness seem to escape
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  narcissist? And this is my own personal
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  perspective. Y'all, y'all know y'all don't
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  follow my channel for the deep scientific explanation.
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  Y'all want real life stuff. Y'all want the nitty gritty.
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  You want the nitty narcissistic gritty?
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  You want the you want the gritty, not the gritty that
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  Jamar Chase and Justin, what Justin Jeffers should be doing.
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  You want the nitty gritty. But yeah, yeah, narcissistic.
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  I feel like narcissists like myself struggle with being
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  really happy because happiness, happiness, y'all know, this is
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  an egg, is an internal value. Happiness comes from the inside.
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  It just does. It's one of those things that
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  comes from inside, inside out. Like the movie, like, yeah,
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  yeah. Like the movie Inside Out.
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  Now, I just thought about that. Like the movie, the kids movie
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  inside out. Happiness comes from the inside
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  out. And narcissistic people,
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  narcissists like myself, we derive our validation in our
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  life experiences from external sources.
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  It's not the inside stuff, it's external sources that provide
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  our happiness, that provide our validation.
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  So it's damn near impossible to get something that you cannot,
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  you can't achieve, right? It's like, how can I be happy
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  internally if everything in my life is based on how other
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  people perceive me or events in other people's lives?
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  How the hell can I truly be happy if my life is predicated
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  upon everybody else? Like, that's why I'm just saying
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  like, narcissists need other people.
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  That's why narcissists don't like to be by themselves.
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  Like leave. Why don't narcissists just be by
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  themselves and stop hurting people if they just don't love
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  people? Yeah.
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  Narcissists cannot be by themselves because they need
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  external validation. They need they need it from the
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  outside world. That's why they so worried about
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  their reputation. That's why they're so worried
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  about how other people see them. Are you please going to please
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  don't expose me? Please don't.
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  Can we keep everything that's going on between us?
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  Please. Can you not tell everybody?
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  What act? Act.
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  Do you not tell everybody the truth?
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  Can you keep my past? Can you please hide my dirty
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  laundry from the world? Can you please not expose me?
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  What? What sense does that make?
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  You know, that they asking you to not expose them to the world
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  even though they deserve, they absolutely, 100% deserve to be
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  exposed for what they've done. They do.
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  Let's be Yeah, keep it real. They absolutely deserve to be
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  exposed for the stuff that they have actually done.
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  Like, I'm not making it up. It's not something I just
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  created on top of my damn head. It's absolutely a truth.
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  It is. It's absolutely a truth.
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  They deserve to be exposed for the stuff that they do.
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  But of course you have to be. Of course you have to use
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  discretion, right? Of course you have to absolutely
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  use discretion. We are dealing with a
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  narcissistic abusive person, right?
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  Because they might try to hurt you or harm you, because if you
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  cut off their ability to get narcissistic supply or external
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  validation, they might lose their damn minds, Right?
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  How pathetic is that, though? How?
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  Put that. Yeah.
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  How fucking pathetic is that, that you have to be careful what
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  you say around to this person because you don't want to
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  threaten their livelihood. Even though they've been
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  threatening your life. Even though sometimes they be
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  putting your life in danger. Even though sometimes they've
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  actually tried to take your life right but you got to keep it a
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  secret. What kind of stupid ass shit is
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  that? Think about how crazy that
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  sounds. Hey, how ass backwards that is
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  right there to to realize that you have to cut off your who you
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  are. You have to be less of who you
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  are to not not up to up not to upset the apple cart, right to
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  not disturb this person. You want to really I want to
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  hurt the reputation. Fuck their reputation.
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  They didn't think about the reputation when they were lying
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  and doing all this other crazy stuff.
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  What they they wouldn't think about that being where they
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  were. They no, they're the most how to
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  serve themselves. You mean they can't be happy
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  y'all, because they they need you, but they don't want to
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  treat you right. That's crazy as hell.
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  This ass backwards. They need people, but they don't
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  want to treat people right. They don't want to treat the
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  people right that's closest to them, right.
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  They don't want to treat the people right that are closer to
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  them. They derive the most supply from
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  their reputation in their image. Why do nurses?
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  Why do nurses even get married and have children?
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  Why they do this type of stuff and they don't they don't love
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  their partners. They don't love their kids,
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  right, because they still in the image it provides.
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  I'm a happy husband. I have a family.
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  I have a a happy wife at home and kids so and I have a good
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  job. So I must be happy, right?
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  I have the image that I have the image of happiness, the image
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  that should make everybody happy, right?
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  Look at my smile. Isn't this isn't this the smile
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  of a happy person? No, it's fake.
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  They just want to appear to be happy because people just like
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  man, you got a beautiful family over there, bro.
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  Beautiful family. Hey, I just want to let you know
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  you have a beautiful family, ma'am, you have an amazing
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  family, Great job. Great job putting it all
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  together, holding it down, right?
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  This is what they do. They just want to appear.
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  Appearances matter. They can't really be happy
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  because they can't. You can't generate the internal
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  validation. You can't self validate.
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  Narcissists have a problem with self love, with self compassion,
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  with self gratitude, with self appreciation, self anything
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  other than other than selfishness, right?
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  They have a problem with self everything other than
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  selfishness other than other than being selfish.
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  Self love, self help, self, you know, self appreciation, self
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  gratitude problems. Selfish.
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  Oh hell no, I got it. That's all me, yo.
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  Happiness is an internal thing. You cannot it is it it you?
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  We cannot like as a narcissist myself, like it's very difficult
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  for me to derive internal happiness.
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  Have I have I been happier since I've been in therapy, working to
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  my working to myself the last well, how long this has been?
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  This is going on year 8, seven and a half now It'll be eight
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  years in October this year, right?
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  Have am I happier now? Have I been able to experience
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  happiness? Yes, more times than my ever in
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  my life I've been able to be happy right to experience
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  happiness because I've been able to generate gratitude,
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  gratitude. Y'all like I've been able to be
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  grateful for my life and my experiences in the making it
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  this far. Even though it's 2025 and I'll
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  be 40 this year, because I was born in 1985, I'll be 40 in
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  July. It's crazy how that works.
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  I've been I've turned 40 July 14th and 1985.
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  I will absolutely turn 40 years old, right?
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  And it's just the way it works. It's just like, it's kind of
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  crazy how much I've been able to work on myself and just be
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  grateful for what I have. It's damn near impossible for
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  other narcissists that are not working themselves to be happy
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  because they it's hard for them to live in the moment.
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  It's very difficult for a narcissist that's always
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  searching for external things, external forces to make them
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  happy. It's damn near impossible for
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  them to be happy in the moment to be grateful for what I have
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  right now, to be thankful for what I have right now for to be
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  thankful for the moment that it that, that, that I have to be
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  able to appreciate the life that I have to be appreciate my kids
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  just to just to sit back and smile at my life when you be
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  like, damn, I got a good life. I created this life, I created
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  this happiness, I created this, this is my shit.
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  I created a yay. You know, I can do that now, but
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  before therapy, it's very difficult for me to do.
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  I can be grateful in spurts happiness because I said
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  narcissistic people do experience happiness, but it's
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  in short spurts. It's boom, Oh, I'm happy, then
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  it's gone. Oh, happy gone.
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  It's kind of like a drug. Happiness is a drug.
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  The narcissist, right? If you think about it, like if
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  you think about from that perspective right there, y'all
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  happiness is a drug for narcissistic people.
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  It's like we get a quick high and then we want more.
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  Like it's damn near impossible for narcissist like myself to be
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  happy for the extended periods of time, right?
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  That's joy, that's contentment we need.
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  We can't be content. We always looking for, we always
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  looking for the next high, the next source, the next supply,
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  right? Narcissistic supply, we always
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  looking for the external validation.
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  So we might, we might be happy in the moment, but it's
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  fleeting, it's gone. So we need a new high.
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  We're chasing that high, we're chasing that that happiness
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  drug, right? This is why you see a lot of
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  narcissists. They keep changing jobs, they
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  change careers, they change hobbies, they change
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  relationships, they change people, they change friends.
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  They change so much in their lives because they're not
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  really, really happy internally. So they're searching for
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  something from the outside world to make them happy.
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  Like me, like my myself. I hear like y'all see what I do
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  right now. I do my social media stuff.
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  But before social media, I was an actor.
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  I did some modeling, I did personal training.
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  I was trying to be a nutritionist.
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  I wanted to anyway. I worked in a warehouse, I
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  worked in fast food. I what does that do?
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  I person training. I did eBay, reselling, Goodwill,
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  stuff like that. I did a lot of different stuff.
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  Real estate agent. I've done a lot of different
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  things. I was trying to just really
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  searching for things that make me happy, right?
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  But doing the social media stuff makes me happy because I get to
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  help people I'm grateful for. It allows me to, you know,
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  'cause I go to therapy to get more, you know, I go to therapy
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  to get more information, to help myself and to get more
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  information to be a better human being.
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  And it helps, it allows me to help more people.
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  You know, the more I help myself, the more I'm able to
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  help other people, the more I help I'm be, I'm there for
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  myself, the more I'm able to be there for other people as well.
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  So that's why I'm saying I've been able to change, transition
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  my experiences and to be happy and to feel that happiness, the
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  experience to happiness and I love it.
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  But most narcissists never get to that point because they don't
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  understand what's going on in their mind.
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  They don't understand that they're trying to derive,
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  they're chasing after something that's impossible.
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  You know, that's why that's where the the delusions of
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  grandeur come from, y'all. They're thinking that the stuff
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  from the outside world is going to somehow make them happy.
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  They're thinking is the external stuff is going to provide that
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  contentment. They chase these crazy ass goals
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  and dreams and try to find something that's going to stick
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  and it doesn't stick because it's not, it's not rational.
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  It's not going to stick because it doesn't make any sense,
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  right? This is how narcissists and
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  toxic people operate. This is what we do.
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  This is how we go about doing things.
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  You know, I said it to a lot of people.
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  It doesn't get any better until you, until you, until you try to
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  make it get better, until you make it become better, until you
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  become a better human being, until you become a better person
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  overall. Why would it get better?
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  And that's me being real. Why would it get better if I'm
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  not doing anything to make it better?
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  I'm just, I'm saying a lot of stuff, but I'm not actively
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  taking any action to make it better.
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  I'm just saying that I'm going to be better.
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  I'm going to saying that I'm going to make it better, right?
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  That was just like, it's very difficult as a, as a narcissist
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  diagnosed or not, to be happy. Like that's why I just, I don't
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  try to, you know, do I say it? I'm not trying to make it seem
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  like I'm this is the world's only narcissist that can be do
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  that can do this. There are other self aware
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  narcissists out there, right? But they all struggle.
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  I feel like they all struggle with the same thing of being
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  truly happy of, you know, of finding your worth and your
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  value outside of certain situations, outside of certain
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  circumstances, right? There's they struggle with it.
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  They truly do struggle with it. So that's why I just tell people
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  all that's why I tell people all the time right now, like if you
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  can be happy, be grateful for your ability to be truly happy,
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  because narcissist cannot be happy, right?
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  They cannot be truly happy. They can be happy for a moment,
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  but then it goes away. Like the happiness does
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  disappear. The happiness does go away.
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  The happiness does, you know, not stick around.
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  It's fleeting. They, they chase it, they're
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  keep, they will keep chasing that happiness until they feel
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  like somebody is finally going to stick for them or stick with
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  them. And I'm just telling y'all,
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  being realistic that this is how it goes.
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  They will never ever achieve it because they think they're
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  basing it on other people's approval.
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  How does this look to the outside world?
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  How does this look to everybody else?
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  How does this look? How is it perceived, right?
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  How is this perceived? How is this looking?
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  How am I, How is this going to be perceived?
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  And I just said it to everybody. This is how a lot of people go
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  about doing things. I won't tell y'all I
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  realistically, and I've been, it's me being real.
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  I want y'all to win. I do.
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  That's why I do these videos. That's why I try to bring out
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  this information because I truly have a space in my heart that I
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  want to see y'all achieve some type of victory when you're
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  dealing with narcissistic people, whatever victory looks
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  like for you. But I also want to help
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  narcissists out there that just happened to make it through this
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  video and not feel like I'm attacking them to just
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  understand. Stop seeking happiness from the
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  outside. Happiness is inside out.
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  You got to start finding something internally that makes
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  you happy. You have to be, you have to be
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  able to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with
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  anybody else, before anything else can truly make you happy.
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  You have to be able to sit by yourself and just be like, damn,
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  I might not have everything that I want, but I got everything
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  that I need. I'm, I'm, I'm grateful right
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  now. You can always want more, but
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  you can, you can be, you can appreciate what you have.
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  And I feel like that's the struggle of most narcissists
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  right there, right? They don't appreciate what they
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  actually have right now. And they're always out there
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  looking for more, looking for what's next, looking for what's
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  better looking for, you know, they have the fear of missing
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  out. What if, what if the grass is
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  greener up the side of the fence, right?
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  What if the grass is greener, Dudley?
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  What if the grass is go, go, go and go see if the grass is
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  greener. When you come back and somebody
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  else is watering your lawn, you can be mad as hell if you get
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  without, if you get my drift. Let them go out there and see if
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  the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but
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  don't be pissed off when you come back and somebody else is
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  watering the lawn that you neglected.
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  That's fire. It's a bar right there.
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  I just made it off the top of my head.
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  Don't y'all dare. Still, I'm about to put it on
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  threads right now. That's going to be on threads in
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  the next few minutes. Y'all going to see the pop up on
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  threads like Lee? You trademarked that one.
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  It was fire. It was fire, wasn't it?
• 14:44
  That's fine. I have.
• 14:44
  I'm going to reformulate it. I'm going to reformulate it, but
• 14:47
  it's going to come through. Y'all be with y'all.
• 14:49
  If you haven't already, I'll make y'all.
• 14:50
  Please hit that subscribe button.
• 14:52
  Please, I'm begging you, please hit it.
• 14:55
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 14:57
  I'm super thankful for you. I'm grateful for y'all coaching
• 15:00
  courses, everything available at courses.mentalillness.net.
• 15:04
  Everything else, Mental illness.net right here.
• 15:07
  Y'all check it out. And as always, y'all mental
• 15:10
  illness is out. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:12
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 15:15
  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 15:17
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
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  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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  another video or to browse to another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 15:28
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 15:30
  I will see you in the next video.
• 15:31
  Peace.