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Abundance Without Entitlement: Our Honest Parenting Conversation | EP14 · The Uncommons

• speaker-0: Money by itself is a very sensitive subject for a lot of people. And it's one thing to know that I'm sensitive about money and it's the other thing to know where it's coming from. speaker-1: I slept in my car, I was homeless, I was eating top ramen soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner. speaker-0: To raise kids in a way that they're not fully entitled and think that the world owes them something, but also not in a way that they're scared and they are raised with this mentality of scarcity, of lack of money, that they have to earn it and they have to work so hard for it. speaker-1: I could name so many people that their kids have done nothing in their lives because their their parents had money and they're just waiting for the dad to die so they get some money. speaker-0: We don't often fly our kids business class. We don't want them to be entitled. speaker-1: Working hard and creating value is what we need to instill in our children. speaker-0: And if he wants a really nice car, would you give it to him? I really want them to feel that this universe provides no matter what. Hi everyone, welcome to the Uncommons podcast where we challenge the ordinary and explore what it really takes to build a meaningful life. I'm Parisa. Paige. And today we're going to talk about money and kids. speaker-1: Great question. Ooh. speaker-0: It's a good one. It's a good Very connected. The reason I want to talk about this is because it's been our dilemma recently and I think we both have some challenges when it comes to money and mentality about money. So it's a sensitive subject in a way that we don't always agree on. So it would be good to discuss and see if we can finally find a common ground with things. I think the goal is speaker-1: Yeah. Very connected with each other. speaker-0: To raise kids in a way that they're not fully entitled and think that the world owes them something, but also not in a way that they're scared and they are raised with this mentality of scarcity, of lack of money, that they have to earn it and they have to work so hard for it, and all that stuff. I know you're more on that side on working hard stuff. I'm more on the other side that the universe provides and let them receive. and practice that. So let's see where this takes us. Ready? speaker-1: Yeah, it's a ⁓ great subject because I've been ⁓ more cognizant of the understanding of money and how a lot of people that now now that I've been focused not focused on it, but I've been kinda alerted to it because I realize that I come from a scarcity mindset and I worked a lot ⁓ on me. ⁓ to not have that ⁓ but I come from a background that is normal and now that I'm that I'm hyper alert to it, I realize that there are so many people that come from that same mindset. speaker-0: Of scarcity. So where do you think that comes from? Because it's one thing to know s money by itself is a very sensitive subject for a lot of people. And it's one thing to know that I'm sensitive about money and it's the other thing to know where it's coming from and why it's sensitive. So it's different layer of understanding of money. Right. speaker-1: Right. And then when you add kids to that, I'm I'm sorry. Let me let me ba let me back up a little bit. Do you recall going to the Milli Millionaire Mind Intensive? Yeah. Yeah. It's not the first time th that I've that I've been exposed to the idea of relate there's a relationship with money. Right? Because before I did not know there's a relationship with money. Right. I'm like money is an object. How can you have a relationship with it? But speaker-0: Not only there is a relationship but there is a identity that's attached to it too. A lot of people are defined by it. speaker-1: ⁓ yeah. By money. Exactly. Our surrounding, especially in the Western world, teaches us that your value system is based around money because and it is, because you have money and you buy stuff. Yeah, buy stuff, you could do stuff. You gotta have a comfortable life. So I I didn't I didn't understand this relationship with with with with money and why is why am I having a relationship with an with an object? So speaker-0: They now have a comfortable life. speaker-1: I've heard of it before then we had the million of mine intensive. It's a workshop and and they're like, ⁓ you had to fill out, like, ⁓ what do you think about money? And you know, and I'm like, you know, and forever I I realized that money was dirty and evil and all these negative things with it, right? So the first one like, ⁓ shit, you know ⁓ speaker-0: Which is a like a workshop. So they had the list of all these like things that phrases that you might have heard growing up and they're like circle which ones you've heard. Money doesn't grow on tree. Money is evil. Yeah. Like wealthy people are bad. Like all that speaker-1: ⁓ that yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And ⁓ time goes by and or then I then I realized the value system of happiness, right, had a it still does with me. And no matter how hard I try, there is an underlying thing that I've that is been just pushed into at least my being, that there is a value. You are worth more if you have more money, that that sort of thing. In the past few years, I've really worked hard on changing that values. speaker-0: But where where do you think that's coming from? speaker-1: But hold on, let me finish. Jeez. There's a huge complexity with money, value systems, where we live, part of the world is not just a single dimension. It's like it's not even a three, it's like a four dimension, five dimension layers. And then now you take all that and then I have kids. Right? And how you interact with your kids and how you want to raise your kids and what we talked about we're talking about today. speaker-0: Okay. Values we want to pass to them what we don't. speaker-1: Exactly. So so at least I'm personally really happy that I'm aware of it. But I'm also very happy that through some of the recent work that I've done the past few years and my interactions I've been a around wealthy people and I've been around poor people. But in the past decade, ⁓ especially past five years, I've been around a lot more wealthy people and you know, billionaire, multi billion level people and Yeah, you know, so forth, and is allowed me to kinda understand my positioning and my definition of happiness when it comes to money. And I today I honestly think I'm so wealthy because now I connect wealth not with money. Wealth is what you have internally and speaker-0: When it comes to money. speaker-1: my relationship with my family, with my children, our just everything we got going on, what we do with the our surroundings and all that, I feel like there's wealth, internal wealth w within me. Now, I now I've also learned to respect money and to love money, right? But not let it rule me. Cause it's been a very evolved but where it comes from is that I'm a I'm an Iranian Jew. Right. And I think in the Jewish culture, because of the fact that Jews have always been a minority and have always been a situation that you have to preserve money, you gotta be careful because you're always run out of every single country, and money would be one way to keep yourself safe. So and I remember growing up with my dad who was a doctor in Iran, well to do. Always he complained about not having money. speaker-0: complained or he was cautious. speaker-1: No, no, he complained like, ⁓ we don't we don't we don't have it and it was his mindset because we had the money and it was clear that he had and I I remember like my my my aunt's my mom's sister would confront my dad all the time because she's you know outspoken like you know in your face and she would like you know she said, Fuck you. Look at all the money you got. And then he would break down and does, ⁓ yeah. But his mindset, I remember this, his mindset is like I and I think it's generationally that has been so this scarcity my and then now that I'm like more aware of it, I interact with all these p many people and like up scarcity mindset, scarcity mindset, ⁓ I see it there there. speaker-0: Do you think what they say about Jews and money and they being like they say Jews are cheap or whatever, but there is a scarcity behind being cheap if that's a term? Do you think that that's ruled in reality? speaker-1: For sure, to some extent. You know, ⁓ I and I think you can't generalize a group of people because I've met a lot of people that are stingy or whatever it is, that are not Jews, right? And I've also met many Jews that are like that, but I honestly believe that there is some truth to that. And the truth comes from the fear of being ostracized through out generation and it's happening now. Yeah. Like it's happening again. We see it all this anti-Semitism and you know, there's all all the and we have this I don't want to talk about religion, but it's just not money with Jewish culture. Because in order to preserve and it's a safety manic mechanism for survival. And in order to survive, you have to have money, you have to be smart, you have to educate yourself, you have to do all these things. And And I was having this discussion with my dad, he told me something that made a lot of sense. It's like it's not, it's the fact that ⁓ it's the envy. It's an envy of a lot of people towards Jews because they have a lot like the they're successful, they won a lot of Nobel Prizes per capita of the people, they they they're moving in the you know, ⁓ there's they're all over the place. And they do really well. And and I think part of that speaker-0: Successful. I never ended. speaker-1: you know, and raising children and and all that. I don't want to put fear in them, but it is very clear that when you have this huge factor that is pushing you, your parents and the fear for survival that makes you leap to to these levels that most humans don't. If you have to survive, and another thing I I noticed is that a lot of these Holocaust survivors That I would expect if you go through that kind of trauma in your life, you die sooner. Just for for many reasons, physical or psychological, whatever it is. And a lot of these people live to be way over a hundred. Wow. And what I've noticed is that when you go through that survival mode and you survive and you come to the other side, you find the world a more beautiful place. And ⁓ again, I don't want to take this off topic, but All of those things have finances kind of molded into it. And I'm this is just completely my opinion. I could be I could be deranged to think that, but I am a Jew. And I remember sitting at a table and we always say, never again. This is even before they killed six million Jews because they're just Jews. speaker-0: I think that mentality of never again has an aspect of scarcity in it of course. Of course. But that has in a way pushed a certain culture and population to raise above it and do better than others. speaker-1: Yeah. So so when you're in a survival mode and you think survival and you have to go buy whatever it is that you have to go buy, right? And you're gonna say, I gotta survive and instead of buying a Cadillac I'm gonna buy a Toyota. speaker-0: And a lot of it is not conscious. speaker-1: That doesn't And a lot of it is conscious. It's like, why would I want to buy a a a Lamborghini when I could drive a Toyota, even though I can afford a Lamborghini? speaker-0: Yeah, but when it's a when it's conscious then it's a choice of lifestyle. Yeah. And what you value. When it's not conscious, then you're driven by a force of how your upbringing has been and ancestoral things that have been passed on. So it's like a speaker-1: It's a thought process of why do I need to spend that money on a Lamborghini when I this thing can drive me around to the same place equally as safe and on time. speaker-0: I was thinking like some people go one layer deeper to know where their fear is coming from. You're going all the way to like generations before and where that's coming from. So when you bring it, you always do this. You start from the all the way from the end and bring it back. So here we go again. Now that's amazing. I love it. So we start from generations back and that's the mentality that has been passed on by being Jewish. Now how does speaker-1: Was there something wrong with that? speaker-0: being from Iran play a role in that and immigrating to the US and all that when it comes to your lifetime. speaker-1: So when when we moved from Iran when I'm twelve years old back to here to to the US, it it kind of solidifies what they've been telling you all your life. Never again, be careful because you're a Jew. And and we left because we were Jews. I mean, I know a lot of people left, but the main reason we left because we were Jews in a Muslim country. And this Islamic Republic who is number one direction in in in life is to kill Jews and Americans or whatever it is, right? So w and we're like, ⁓ it is true. We're getting ostracized because we're Jews. So probably whatever they were telling me to do, I better be doing. I better study hard. I better work hard. I better not spend my money. You know, I I I can't be frivolous. So it re reinforced all of that. speaker-0: And you strugg struggled with financially when you moved here. speaker-1: We we did. When you're immigrating, there's so many factors. So many factors, right? ⁓ you know, my dad moved here, he used to be a doctor, he came to the US, he ha he had a dry cleaners and it was like, ⁓ I was so and so and I'm ⁓ c washing people's underwears now and it was like a whole psychological thing. ⁓ and obviously financially we didn't make what we made over there and and then we first moved into a into a nice house with decent house, nice house. And then we had to downgrade into a smaller apartment and then my dad moved back to Iran because ⁓ I mean he said he had to go back because he had to work, but he w wasn't getting along with my mom and they were fighting all the time. So it it's just immigrating is huge. That's tough. And going through a revolution is huge. ⁓ so ⁓ all of it all of it played a role. When my dad came back from Iran, I was like, well, you know, we had a ⁓ discussion over money and it wasn't over money, it was the fact that I wasn't studying enough or whatever it is, and and he's like, Well, if you wanna do business, I'll give you the X number of dollars and I don't know, said twenty thousand dollars and ⁓ which I should be very thankful for. But I'm like what I'm like, Fuck you. Like you wanna give me to like you want me to go on ⁓ I'm my and I think at the time He he said that to me, so I would go study, you know. But I was sixteen years old. I started I started college when I was sixteen and a half. And I just I said, Fuck you, I don't want anything from you. So I was on my own. Okay, that's sixteen. Mm-hmm. Right? So I slept in my car, I was homeless, I was eating top ramen soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner because I couldn't afford it. You know, and I you know I was working and putting myself through now they helped me with with s some of the college money. ⁓ but I pretty much was on my own since I was 16. I was sleeping in people's homes and sleeping in my car and sleeping at in college and I would go home one or two days a week. But I was on my own. So I had to make I had to make sure that I survived. It was rough rough, but but somehow even at even at college, money came to me. But it was really hard to see that at the time because I had this this background of you know, scar scarcity mindset. And until it was until it was later that I I'm like, man, I I remember when I was in college and had no money, but I lived like a king. Somehow. You know, and to this day, nothing's changed. I've done whatever I wanted. I've traveled wherever I wanted. I've stayed at, you know, the best places. I have drive driven the best cars, had amazing homes, you know you know, I just I had all all of this all along, the whole time. I was getting a lot of these opposing views of my belief and the reality was happening. But I couldn't even see the reality. Even now sometimes I don't. I woke up this morning at four th like four this happens to me regularly that I wake up early morning s freaking out about how you know, what are we doing with our finances, what's going on with our money, what happens if this contract doesn't go through and This is the this is the this is the month that we're gonna really see how you know what that what's gonna happen with the revenues, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And and I'm a risk taker. So whenever you take risk, you're always worried about money, which is something that is it's it's quite different from the scarcity mindset. My entire family, they live in scarcity, so they do they they take no risk. No. They wanna make sure they have this coming in and ⁓ now when you do take risks and you do have a family and children, your stress level goes through the roof. Right? When you're alone and you could s you know sleep in your car, you know, it's this is much level of stress than having, you know, a family and a big family and a dog and a mother in law. This and that and all that just w wanting to have a you know great life. ⁓ so I still go through it all the time. speaker-0: Well that's good to know that at least where it's coming from, because then we can pick and choose what part of it we want to pass on to our kids and what part of it we don't, right? For me it was if I want to start like you with ancestorial stuff, I come from a family that my grandparents and all the way through they were Sufis and one of the biggest saying for them is that we can survive on a rug on the floor, sleep there, and we don't need money, we don't need anything. We just like it's all about like spirituality and being zen and being connected to the divine and you don't need anything else. That's that's how you live, right? So that's where I'm coming from generationally. And then you combine that with my experience of this lifetime that ⁓ early on like the questioner that we had at the workshop which beliefs would fit your money blueprint mine was that money doesn't grow on a tree. We you always have to it's always like almost there but not quite. Like you're a little bit short. Like I remember I was a little kid and my dad wanted to buy a bigger house. We wanted to move to a better neighborhood because when I was born my mom and dad were living in my grandparents' basement. So The first time he wanted to buy a house, he had like two options in mind. We went and saw both of them. One was very nice in a beautiful neighborhood, the other one was kind of close to it, but it had a huge backyard and it was like a big villa and blah blah blah. So he we wanted to get that one obviously, and his the amount of money he had to pay was almost there, but not quite. So it was one level shorter. So we had to settle for the other one, which was our number two, which was still very beautiful. But we wanted the other one. So it in my brain as a child was that it's almost there. You know, it's always like a little bit there and like short of what I really, really want. So we settle. So that's how I was born. And then my dad passed away. And in Iran, if you're a woman in an Islamic country, you have pretty much no say in anything. So my mother, after my dad passed, was left with his assets that he she could not access. whatsoever because the government put a freeze on it. She could not spend any money. She had no say in what we would do ⁓ in fact they would the government was giving the custody of me and my brother to a man because the woman cannot have custody of her own children. So they were giving custody of me and my brother to my uncle and which my mom was fighting with. She didn't want us to him to be making decisions for us. So it was a whole thing of Like figuring that part out. And in the meantime, she had to figure out how to spend money because she couldn't even take money out of his bank account because she's the wife and the wife gets like a tiny bit of money and all the money goes to the children. And she has no say on our money because she's a woman. And she had to go to court back and forth, back and forth. Every time she wanted to buy something for us, she had to go in front of the court and present that she really wants to buy something for us and not spend the money on herself. So all that stuff was going on and then they I had to go in front of a judge, which was a mullah. Disturbing for me as a thirteen year old to go and and prove that I am ⁓ mature enough to have a right for signature so I can get money, that was my right, out of the bank. And by the way, I was a girl. So my brother would get double money than me, 'cause he's a boy. ⁓ my god. So I have ⁓ much less than him. So I can have right of signature and get some money out, but majority of it is his and he's five years younger than me. So we have to wait five more years for him to become at the age which usually would be eighteen, but somehow my mom pulled it off that I got the right of signature at thirteen and he did too. But there was like years of struggle because of that. So my mom had to like work jobs and a all the time be cautious of money. And it was always this thing that Like you said, even though the money was always there, somehow it worked itself out. And on top of it, my mom thankfully had this mentality that we will never be in need from anybody else. Everybody would offer to help financially and she's like, no, me and my kids don't need anything from anybody. Which was, I mean, now that I think about it, it was great to grow up with that mentality that I'm not gonna be just have this thing that other people are responsible to pay for me, you know. But then at the same time, it was really hard. So for me, the mentality behind it w has always been being cautious, be cautious. Like we don't know when we're gonna need money and we have to save and we have to make sure that and the struggle was constant for years until my brother was like fifteen years old and we could do something, which at that point I moved to the US, so I was like gone, right? ⁓ I'm still thankful that she could pay for my school here, out of state tuition and all that, but it was not that's when we could access money. So now from all that, two different backgrounds, kind of similar in a way and different in many ways, what we want to be cautious of, what we pass on to our kids, what kind of values we want to them to be raised with. I really want them to feel. That this universe provides no matter what, that they are taken care of no matter what. That they don't have to tie their worthiness to the amount of money that they earn and the hard work that they have to do to earn all that money. You know, I just want them to know that they're provided for and that's how this world works. speaker-1: I I understand that and I'm personally working with my with you know, I have ⁓ multiple coaches. I'm ⁓ I'm personally working with one that is trying to teach me that the universe provides, you know, kind of a thing. You know, and and I know it does and ⁓ so it's it's like a a interesting relationship ⁓ that I'm trying to learn that. What what you wanna teach our kids? ⁓ But I also believe that it's just not the the fact that you have to work hard. It also goes across other ways. And I've seen so many of these kids that have been given everything. Now again, I told you like the past decade, especially past few years, I've been involved with much, much wealthier people. I could name so many people that their kids have done nothing in their lives because their their parents had money. And they're just waiting for the dad to die so they get some money. Yeah. And I truly believe that it's hard to segregate hard work and say, you'll be provided for with with money, so you don't have to hard work hard, but yet you have to really work hard to play soccer. Or you have to really work hard to do accomplish whatever else else it is that you want to accomplish in the world by n because if you don't have to work hard to get money. Then why should you work hard to get anything? speaker-0: Well what if what if we direct the hard work towards accomplishments and money be the by product of it accomplis accomplishments rather than money being the prize? speaker-1: Well, I don't f I don't find money being the price. I f I find that you accomplish things so you have a comfortable life, right? And the conduit there is money. Right? You want to have a comfortable life. Though it's not the only way, but if you generate money or you generate value when you create value out of something. Then the value will bring you money, will bring you happiness, will bring you exposure, will bring you many things. So I think the teaching should be value. And one value would be money. One value would be prestige. One value would be comfort. One val what whatever values that speaker-0: Those are byproducts, aren't they? What? Money, prestige, social, economics levels, all that stuff is the byproduct of being creative and adding value to other people's lives to begin with. That's right. And I feel like in order for kids to get to that level, they need to understand what unique gift they're born with. Do we agree that kids are born with a unique set of gifts? speaker-1: Absolutely. Even even if even if they're compromised, meaning that if they have attention to death disorder or if they're autistic or whatever, they still have they still have a special thing that they could be good at. But I also do believe that even though you might have a gift, doesn't mean that you can't learn other ways to create value. It's just not your gift that brings you value. speaker-0: But if you are born with a gift, why not double down on that? But you first you have to figure out what that gift is. Sure. And if you're so preoccupied like we were growing up with the money being there or lack of money, then it takes away from becoming who you were supposed to become because you have to work so hard to survive. So I just think if the kids don't have to be in on this survival mode of speaker-1: Sure. speaker-0: Constantly trying to prove and work so hard to make money so they can earn a living. Maybe they have more time and more stability psychologically to be able to focus on what they're really good at and then double down on that. And as a byproduct of that, be able to add massive value to people and as a byproduct of that of that, be able to earn a lot of money and live a comfortable life. speaker-1: I I understand and I and I agree ⁓ for the most part but there is look it is never one thing. I i our world, our life is not unidimensional. It's multi-dimensional and some of these dimensions we don't even know. So I I think there's a there's there should be there has to be some sort of a balance. You have to create value. You have to understand what it is that you're good at or what your your special gift is and not ⁓ be so preoccupied that I gotta make money, money, money, money, money and not find yourself. But it I also don't think that you could just say, I'm gonna find myself and not contribute. So so there's a balance. So I want my kids to see that what's possible. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: This group that we with we're with this Tony Robbins Lions, they're all very high-end people. And one of the biggest discussions is that how do we keep our kids humble? So there's many, many ways, every all these guys are very creative on to on how to do that, but Tony Robbins as a child has doesn't know that airplanes don't have beds in them. Right? I mean to me that's not reality. It is not reality. speaker-0: Okay, that's not reality but then also like with us we don't often fly our kids business class. Because we want them to know we don't want them to be entitled that I if I don't sit in my business class I'm gonna lose my shit. Like we don't want that speaker-1: ⁓ And we know so many kids that are like that. ⁓ speaker-0: are like that, but we also want our kids to know that they deserve to have good things in life. So every once in a while we do fly them business class. So the balance, you're right, the balance between like the goal is that we don't want kids that are super entitled and if they don't get their way they're just all upset and they have like all this emotional turmoil that they didn't get business class seats because if they have to sit in the back in the airplane and also we don't want ⁓ to be constantly scared and be in survival mode that they have to prove something. So I think the one of the biggest things for me is that I don't want the identity of our kids to be attached to money and what money can buy. So their level of happiness. I know happiness has a lot to do with comfort and comfort has a lot to do with money. But I also don't want my kids to be completely unhappy. if they don't have certain amount of money or if they don't live a certain lifestyle. Like right now if we t take ⁓ to hotels that are amazing, now they know the difference that because that's what they're used to. So if we d take ⁓ to a Marriott, they're gonna be like, Okay, it's different, but it doesn't throw them off because they also go camping and sleep on a sleeping back. So they see the differences of both worlds. So what do we do? that the discomfort doesn't lead to inability to take it and stand something that they might have to just go through. How do we create that level of resilience so they can live with both worlds? speaker-1: think they have to see both ends, right? It's r ⁓ like our son that lived with his mom and his mom lived in a mediocre place, has seen the difference. And now he says, I never want to go back to something like that. Right? Our two kids have never seen anything less than what we have right now. speaker-0: So we go to a friend's house and she has a small condo, two bedroom, and the kids as soon as they enter, our two kids, they say, Your house is so small. How do you live in a house so small? And she says, Do you like my house? And they're like, Yeah, we love your house. So it's like it's a question, they're curious, they notice the difference, right? But they also know that it feels warm and nice and fuzzy. So I'm like the value of a house, I tell him, is not how big it is or small it is, it's how comforting it feels and how welcoming it feels. Right? So to me it's the moments like that to catch it and turn it into real value and real meaning rather than saying, ⁓ that house is big, that house is small. speaker-1: I would love to take my children at one point when I did missions in Haiti, right? And have ⁓ go through what ⁓ what other people live like. Or you know, some of the stuff that we do with you know with Tony Robbins, we go to these places and we we to good contribute and we see how what their life is like. Or even even better yet, I would love for them to go and ⁓ live or trade places like this. You know, this these kids go and live with families families outside and see what that is. I love the Mormon religion for the fact that the missions that they do. These kids get pulled away. And you know, we have some some of our friends that are like one of them is extremely wealthy, right? But these but his kids all go to a mission and they come back and they're just as humble as they get. Right? So I I think the dichotomy of the world, but speaker-0: And speaker-1: Down deep inside, I don't I don't think it's coming from the scarcity mindset. I think that working hard and creating value is what we need to instill in our children. We need to create value. The value that I want to create in my son, who's playing a soccer team, is like you're gonna play soccer in a team, you better create value. You better be there and be able to be the one that kicks with your left foot and your right foot. And in order to do that, You have to work your ass off to practice to be able to have him be ambidextrous on your kicks. Right? Because you bring value. Which means that you have to work hard to be able to do that. Yeah. Right? And he's gifted. He's gifted. But I I noticed yesterday that, you know, we put him in this Real Madrid thing last c summer. They kicked his ass in the heat. He was crying. But he became so good and he did Nothing for a year. And he's gone so good. And he's gone downhill because he was so good. He didn't create any value. He's actually worse than what he was a year ago and is a year a year older. But I also don't want to teach them that you have to work like a donkey, you know, to get anything in your life. There's always working smart or working better or working whatever it is. But being engaged and in tune as opposed to being aloof, being curious. And wanting to learn as just being there because everything's provided for you. So so I I I think as parents, it's our job to kind of be multidimensional. And one of the things I learned that I w I don't know how to pass it on to my children, but one of the greatest growths I had in my life was, you know, I've I've always loved have I wanted to have nice cars and I was My identity was I have nice cars. And at one point when I moved to India, you know, like I got rid of everything I had. And I was like, yeah, you know, I just get rid of him. And it was freeing and something that it came to me is that I can have really nice things, but they don't define me. That was a huge shift for me. Cause like I have a Ferrari. And my life would be exactly the same if I didn't have a Ferrari. And I wouldn't envy the fact that I don't have a Ferrari if I didn't have a Ferrari. I don't anymore. At one point I did. I don't know exactly what happened, that that change happened in me, but that was a huge change. That not being defined about what you have and with money. speaker-0: I think one of the things that would help with passing that to the kids would be understanding the reason why they want something. You know? Like if if our kid is very soon before we know it, with a blink in a eye, he's gonna have driver's license, even if driving is a thing at that point. But be able to have a car. And if he wants a really nice car, would you give it to him? speaker-1: Great question. Cause can can I give you a little background? We went to my buddy's sixtieth birthday and when he was he got his driver's license back then a transam was the dick heart to have. And his dad bought him a transam. And I w I remember that wealthy. And you know, he's a really hard working guy. He's my brother. I I respect him tremendously. He's worked as speaker-0: That wasn't that well. speaker-1: Ass off and to this day it's works it works his ass off, which is great. But back then I begged my my my f my parents to buy me a car when I was in high school and I was riding my little tent speed for an hour in the morning, an hour and 15 minutes in the morning to get to school and back every day when all the other kids had a car. But when I got a car. I felt like I was given the world. You know, and had so much value for me. Right? And ⁓ so I don't know which one's the right thing. I really don't know because we both became hardworking people. speaker-0: Yeah, but do you think maybe that was the reason that having driving certain cars was something that was engraved in your identity 'cause you didn't have it at some point when you really wanted it? speaker-1: Maybe, maybe? speaker-0: 'Cause I know he he is a very wealthy guy and just this is just for the sake of argument, right? But I think he lived a way more modest life than you. And I'm not saying that car was the only reason, but hey, for a sixteen year old, that's a huge thing and it's probably a huge impact for the rest of his life, you know. That he didn't really have to earn it and he was given. speaker-1: I did, yes. speaker-0: That thing. That call. speaker-1: Yeah. I don't know the answer. I don't know. I I would love to hear people's perspective on this. Yeah. Yeah. I I I have no idea. speaker-0: We go back and forth on this. 'Cause I was I ha I was with the I had this mentality that ⁓ I'm not gonna give my kid whatever they want or like our son wants to go to the final game of FIFA World Cup. Right. And the tickets are like kind of expensive, you know. And ⁓ he's not gonna go sit up top like he wants to be close. So would you give it to him? speaker-1: Really fucking expensive. You know speaker-0: If you asked me this like a year ago, I would say, No fucking way, like that. But I've I've also done a lot of work and healing around money. And now I'm like, why not? Like if we can do it, why not? Let the kid experience it and let that be his standard that this is how he's gonna carry on his life and live up to and not be someone that's like, ⁓ well I don't need to make money and I'm gonna be lazy and I'm not gonna do much and I'll sit I'm top here. He's never gonna do that. 'cause this is his standard for life because we're giving it to him. speaker-1: Yeah. I remember when I was eight years old and if something like that happened to me it would be it would be a life changing thing for me, right? And I like I w you know, and I w and and we've talked about it. I wanna do it and I think we're gonna do it for him. Right. May maybe give him a choice because I am not gonna buy t tickets up front. Just not gonna do it. And he's not used to not being up front because we've always whatever we've had, you know, we had season tickets for the hockey team and all that kind of shit. So he sat at the perfect seats all the time. Yeah. When he saw the f Messi for the first time, he was front row. And I'm gonna tell him, you're gonna see a the nosebleed section and he's gonna have a shit fit, you know. speaker-0: Or maybe a more balanced thing is to not go to the final game, go to another game. So the tickets in in category A are not like thirty five K each, they're like ten, fifteen K each, you know. speaker-1: They're not ten fifteen K each. I'm not paying that kind of money. What I would tell them is that we could go to another game and sit closer. That would be three or four thousand dollars each. speaker-0: It's ten fifteen. It's not three or four. Three or four is up then. speaker-1: Or let's say they're ten thousand dollars each up close on a regular game. But it's a FIFA thing, right? You know? Or use that ten thousand dollars and go to the final and sit all the way to the top. I'll give them the choice. speaker-0: We just went from three to ten. Yeah, I can pick But do you think he should have that choice? Because at then he is like going back and forth on a number. You know, do you think an eight year old should sit there and go back and forth on a number? ⁓ do I want this? Do I and he is already like he's not the most decisive person anyways, right? But do you think he should own that decision? Or do you think speaker-1: I I think so. speaker-0: He should go to a game, have the best experience that you can provide for him and feel that ⁓ I'm right here, I can watch the game, I'm so close, it's not the final, but hey, it's a thief like it's a soccer game. For an eight year old soccer game is soccer game. It is. No. He's gonna have an amazing experience. speaker-1: This kid was won is like, we're gonna be in New York anyway. Why can't we go to the final? He's right. But no, I'm gonna let him contemplate this. I'm gonna let him beat the shit out of himself over the decision and he's not gonna know what to do. speaker-0: But then he's gonna go sit up there ⁓ and he's gonna be like, this is horrible, this sucks, I can't see anything. And then he's gonna blame himself for having a bad experience. Meanwhile, you've already paid like 30k for that bad experience anyways. So why not put that into a great experience? speaker-1: I think I could sell him the great experience of saying, look, you're at the the ultimate game at the age of eight. You know, the next time he gets sees this thing is at age of twelve, if he's gonna do it, right? So I think it's going to change a lot in his life trajectory to be able to do that. And I that's why I want to do it. If it was and he's a soccer player and he lives the he lives on soccer, he's got the book, he's he's like, ⁓ we're gonna go on vacation. What are we gonna do? We're gonna watch soccer, we're gonna watch the World Cup. Is that the he this guy is immersed in this thing. It would be kinda like if it's if it's a car thing, right? To be honest with you, if my kid was working on cars, he was a mechanic at the age of sixteen when he gets his license, and he lives cars and he wants cars and he knows the cars and he's just so into it, I would get him a pretty b badass car. But if he just wants it because his friend's got a nice car and you know, even at that I think there should be some thought process, 'cause I don't want him feel the lack of not having. ⁓ so I don't know, I I w I would think about that. speaker-0: They wanna know the reasoning behind. speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: behind if he really wants to go to to the final game, like what's really the reason for it. And if he just wants to watch a FIFA game, do the other one. Has have I I I would sell him the other one and like let him have an amazing experience. But that's just me. speaker-1: Yeah, I I'm gonna let him contemplate over the over it, but I but I think saying that speaker-0: But then he's gonna come and tell you then why can't you buy the tickets down there for me? And then you're gonna tell him because it's a lot of money. But what is a lot of money? For a lot of people, ten K is a lot of money too. You know, it's just speaker-1: It's lot of money for us. We gotta be realistic with these kids, right? Like I don't have infinite amount of money. I don't. We have a great life. I don't have infinite amount of money. And I am not willing to spend that kind of money for you know, I'm not gonna so he has a choice. I'm willing to spend this amount of money because I respect money. I respect my family and my children, and this is the amount which is still a lot of money. A lot. So I'm gonna ⁓ but but I think at the end of the day it become i it's value. It's a value system. It we have to instill value. I think it brings a lot of value for an eight-year-old to see the final game and he'll remember it for the rest of his life. That value is a lot more than going to a game. Yeah, I went to a World Cup game and supposed I went to the final. And I saw the final. It doesn't matter how high you are. I you know, I think he's gonna pick that. I think he's smart enough to be able to choose what he wants to do. I think he's gonna pick that one, but we'll tell you guys what happened. speaker-0: Yeah, we don't agree. I would take him, let him go to the have a good seat. No this is how we watch soccer. We don't watch it from up there. We belong here to this section. And next time around you go to final. If you play soccer really hard because now you're not practicing. So you don't earn the final. You get this, but still add a nice section. speaker-1: So you're saying that this is the quality of life that we have we wanna sit up front. Yes. Right? And we're not gonna pay for that upfront seat because it's gonna be super speaker-0: What's the quality of life? We live too. That's what we do. Like if we want to go on a trip, we take a nice flight. And if we can't take a nice flight, we don't go. Just just what it is. speaker-1: I think for him to be at the final FIFA World Cup is life-changing.