Latest / Blind But Now I See / BBNIC Ep 34- My Grandma Has Dementia

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BBNIC Ep 34- My Grandma Has Dementia · Blind But Now I See

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Back at it for another episode of the Block on our podcast. It's the
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one and only FOBC note the Hood Ray Charles, Blond Poppy, if you
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nasty, the official Blonde Stepper, the Voice of the disabled, because I
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gave the disablers a voice. It's only one me, the Book of C.
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Note if we locked in that you know where we're at. WTF Media
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Studio, the home of the blomber i SA podcast. Shout out Weezy,
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shoutout Alex and we locked in with my boy Wolf, the official producer.
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We locked in, locked out. You know how we do it. We
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stepping big and before we even get into the episode, like subscribe comment,
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let's run up to YouTube. Let's i mean Apple Music, Spotify. I'm
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everywhere. I'm like cracking the eighties. I'm spreading all over there. I'm
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is doing text Blonde Stepper be l I n D S T E p P
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A for people that don't know how to spell, no disrespect to file for,
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file for, file for, and I send out updates. Motivational quotes
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get you moving, keep you motivated. But this podcast, right here,
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this episode is like deare to me, like we talk about my grandmother.
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We're gonna label this podcast what name I guy for this? Super Maddy to
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dementia, Maddie, super grandma to demension grandma. And this episode might rub
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people the wrong way, whatever the case may be. But when did I
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ever care? I don't. I ain't do this in a minute. So
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today we're gonna close our eyes. We're gonna walk down this path. We
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ain't gonna flip over on furniture. We ain't gonna bump into no walls.
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We ain't gonna step on no cast, no dog. We ain't gonna step
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on the twins Happy Birthday, Boobie and tinking Man. But for thirty three
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years, I see my grandmother do the impossible. She was super, but
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she was super grandma, super Maddie. Her name is Maddie Sutherland's. That's
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super Maddie right there. I don't seen Maddie. Watch everybody, kids,
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from us. She raised all her grandkids. She raised other people kids.
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Maddie the only person I know that get up in the morning six o'clock,
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fix you breakfast before you go to school. Come home. You got lunch
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right after you finished eating lunch, dinner's prepared too. She watched her general
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hospital, her bowled and the beautiful her Oprah and drink a beer on the
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couch. Now you know that's a good day. I didn't see Maddie do
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the impossible. And my eyes are always saying and say, oh, that's
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that's super Grandma. You can't say see you. No, you can't,
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lady, for you can't say Christopher without saying Maddie. You can't say Christopher
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without saying Jimmy, that's my grandfather. And lately, for the last five
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years, my grandmother been attacked with dementia. It might be touched to a
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lot of people for the simple fact you might have people home suffering with dementia.
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You see a different path and number, a different change. I see
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it because I live with my grandmother, so every day I seen something different
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at her. But we gonna open our eyes. I just had to give
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a little like the reason why I tell people to close their eyes. I
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just want to give people a vision of how it is of this person,
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Like you just looking at the screen and be like, Okay, now you're
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visioning how this person move. This woman right here cooked the whole Christmas dinner
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every year for us, non stop, never stop, never change, no
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nothing. But as years went by, I start seeing little changes on my
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grandmother. I'm locked in with her every day, so little stuff. She'll
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sit at the table and like she keep repeating herself over and over, and
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I'm just looking like, like, Grandma, you are all right, But
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she was like, yeah, I forgot this, So I just take it
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as old she just forgetting it. You're not thinking dementia, we're not thinking
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old time wasn't none of that. Because at the end of the day,
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it's like we know it's possible, but we just can't see it on certain
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people, like when people saying say I can't I can't imagine and picture you
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being blind. But this is my life. My grandmother, she wasn't just
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like any other grandmother. She was signing different. Yeah, Maddie, get
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on my nerves. Maddie did a lot of things. Maddie, clean up
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your room where you didn't want her to clean up your room. Maddie washed
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your clothes. Maddy did it all. That's that's the typical, typical grandmother.
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But then as tom started to change, before we even get into time's
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changing, I seen my grandmother go in her pocket and give people her lass.
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I seen my grandmother there for graduations. I seen my grandmother there for
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funerals. I seen my grandmother there for birthdays. I seen my grandmother there
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for back I see my grandmother there for a lot. It's time she woke
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me up. Let's walk me to the bank to get this large just a
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large amount of money because somebody was showing their rent or somebody needed money to
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get by for the month. I've seen it all. But then times started
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to change. Maddie started getting hit with dementia. Maddie patting started changing,
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and I feel like the people change with a Everybody knew our number, everybody
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know how to get in touch with Maddie. The phone call stopped coming through.
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So I felt like when Maddy Maddy turned from Super Maddie and from super
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Grandma to dementia Maddie and dementia grim, people forgot who Maddie was. Maddie's
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the big homie. If Maddie for a lot of people were for I fail,
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and the people just don't want admit to it or understand, like really
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stand on that. Maddie is the tree. She got more than just her
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kids, ass leaves and branches and all that. So it's like for y'all
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to move and switch with the times because Maddie like fighting this dementia. I
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feel like a lot of y'all can't stand with her even with the dementia.
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To be honest, Maddie is one of those ones. And it's like the
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podcast, Yeah we laugh, be cool, we do this. But it's
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a lot that I had to get on my chest and I set that say.
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The day Maddie closed our eyes, y'all gonna hate me, because I'm
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gonna let it be known. I feel like this is the time when we
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all supposed to be around. This is a time where she should have her
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family at the the deep, the most, at the end of her bed.
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Maddie, like, you know how it feels when random people walk in,
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like random people family members walk in. She don't remember you. That
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mean you wasn't around enough, That mean you wasn't president enough, but when
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you needed her, Maddie was And it's like we're gonna like, we ain't
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gonna make this podcast one of those one of those one of those because you
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know, you know, don't care like it is what it is. But
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me and Wolf was talking behind the scenes that he like, you know,
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his grandmother suffered with dementia. Yeah, so like, how was it with
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your grandmother with the dementia? You know, it's funny hearing you speak about
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how your grandmother was. My grandma is very similar. You know, when
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she was well, you know, when she was more to herself. You
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know, she watched her stories, her general hospital, you know what i
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mean, she drinking her beer. I forgot what kind of beer was,
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you know what I mean. I'm drinking calls like a get Moms and Budweiser,
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you know what I'm saying. But wise it that's who shows the book,
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you know what I mean. And she she watching the stories, and
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she at the house all the time, moving shit around all the time.
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But now you know, the older she gets, you retired, so she
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not working out in the workforce like you know, like everybody else is and
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stuff like, so she spent a lot of time at home and she not
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married, so she doesn't have a partner, you know what I mean.
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And you know, when your kids get older, they gotta they start their
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own own life, you know what I mean. They got their own stuff
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to do. So as much as you want to be there for somebody,
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you can give them as much time as you can, but just some things
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you just gotta do, like you gotta go to work, you know,
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and you gotta tend to your kids. And sometimes those are all day things.
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So as my grandmother is at the house by herself a lot of the
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time, I think I don't know. That's why community is really important.
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Community is important. You need somebody to be there when somebody get older.
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And you know that's the best case scenario. You know, everything is not
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perfect, so sometimes that can't happen for several different reasons. But my grandmother,
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you just started. I just started to notice that she would repeat these
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stories right over and over. She keep going back. Yeah, you know,
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like it started with her saying, like so and so took my money,
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and you know I told them not to take it, but so and
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so they took my I hit it and they found it and they took it
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and then you know, we all kind of like we call it. I
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call it big Mama, Like big Mama, nobody took nothing from you,
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Like what's going on, you know what I mean, Like where's she getting
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this from? And then it would be days where I would spend the whole
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day with her and we just be laughing and we're talking. We're having a
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good time and trust and believe, as soon as we get toward the end
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of the day that story would come back. I back up, you know,
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and she would say it and I'd be like, but we just did
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all this laugh and we just did all this talk, and we we did
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all this you know, mentally stimulating stuff just for you to get back to.
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But they took my money, you know what I mean, back to
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square one, And that's where it starts, you know, that's where it
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started. Like it started her just repeating these stories, and like you said,
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you notice that pattern. You're like, okay, you try to brush
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it off like she oh, you know what I mean, Like my grandmother
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ninety five, so God bless her, God bless her. So it's just
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kind of like okay, like it's some shit just gonna happen. When a
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nigga, get old, you know what I mean. But then once started
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like becoming sick, lookal it start being repeated and you start doing something up.
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It's nothing different, like even mom. Like I started seeing a pattern
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in my grandmother. And it's times I used to get mad at shit she
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do. But then one day is like I sat down and I just was
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quiet. I just sat there and I just watched her. And then she
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started talking to me. And then like the story she like, she talking
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to me, she took me should have happened years ago. And I sat
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down like yeah, remember this, this, this, and I'm like,
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yeah, remember this, this, this, Yeah, like Grandma, you
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don't watch General Hospital? No, no, no, no more. She's
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like General Hospital? What's that? What's that? And then like that,
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like my grandmother, you could not turn the TV when she was watching that
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general You could not talk when she watching that General Hospital. And that shit
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just like damn, and that shit broke me down. And she's like,
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I remember when I'm sucking shot you. That's all she told. I remember
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when I'm sucking shot you. And I'm just saying there like damn. It's
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like, yup, I remember that too. I remember when you was in
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the hospital. It's like it's like they tell these stories over and over just
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to keep them memories in their head. Type. It's like I really see,
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like my grandmother like changing back into a kid. That's what it is.
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She going to the bathroom. She started playing in the bathroom, and
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it gets me frustrated and all that. But then I be happy to thinking,
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Oh, it's the dementia. It's the dementia. Like you gotta keep
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saying that she's sneaking to do stuff. I keep saying, I have to.
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I learned a lot of patience. Sneaking is an interesting part. Name
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my grandmother sneak and I'm like, and ship, yo, she do it
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all, do it. Oh, I'll be frustrated calling my mother, ya,
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gotta fucking do something, this, this, this, this, But
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it's like it's not their fault. It's not their fault. And then I'm
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sitting up there, I'm like, all right, I gotta I just gotta
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have patience. I gotta have patience, even though it could be a headache.
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You just gotta have patience because I'll not keep saying to myself, this
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was never my grandmother, Yeah, this was never my grandmother. This was
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never what cleaning up the every day. When you hear that our green at
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Marvin Gaye, know what it is on a Saturday that followed me before I
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let go. You know it's time to clean up the house. You know
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what it is. But when she put that stereo on on, oh she's
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cooking. It's Christmas around right, Oh, we listen to Christmas songs.
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Were doing this, it's like that. Those are the moments that made me
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feel like a kid again. Yeah, I felt like a kid again when
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I heard them songs. I felt like I'm waking up to presence on Christmas,
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even though I'm too old, and I'm waking up to ship. Yeah,
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but that's what it is. Man. I got the car told my
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grandmother went and got the car out. Like I got in trouble with the
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Lord. My grandmother paid the restitution so I won't go to jail. That's
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super Grandma. That's why I like even the time she get on my nerve.
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But I sat there and say, right, this is my grandmother.
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She's the foundation. Bro. It wouin't be me without her. It woulinn't
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be my mom's without her. It wouldn't be my aunt wouldn't be none of
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us without Maddie. So it's like, I feel like people forgot about that.
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And that's the fucked up part. It's fucked up when you see your
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grandmother in a position where she's vulnerable because things are changing and it's new for
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everybody, that's the thing, like it's new for us. And then I
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just imagine how confusing it is for her. And when you see people start
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to pull back when they should be stepping in, man and they say family
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sometimes friends are stronger than family. Hey, bro, don't get me started.
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Bro. That's I can preach that all day, like real talk,
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Like shout out to ms D her best friend. She don't miss a beat
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with her. If she don't know nobody she know. D D is the
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name she used to sneak out the house. I'm going to curse you to
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d Oh. But really, she going to Fulton Street to spend money.
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Like, even with the dementia, my grandmother is still giving. I didn't
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seen this lady have no money, but she was still something just to give
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to somebody. Wow, but still chips to give to my child. Say
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I don't like these, but if it makes her happy, take those chips.
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Take those chips because I can be in the front out of hair whispering.
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I'm gonna go get you some chips tomorrow. This, this, this,
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and I called my mother your mother playing a hike. Tomorrow she'll come
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in and I'm going to cross seat with my girl d She'll go over there
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just to say hi, is she gone? That's like scape though, Like
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so I see that, Like I'm thankful for people like ms Dah because it's
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like, you really show that you're just more than in the friend you really
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like y'all really sisters. That's real family. Like people don't. People don't
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stand on that. That's real. Family is not blood, bro, man,
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it's not. It's not. It's not. It's definitely not. What
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makes your family family is the the people that align with you. Family is
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the people that you choose. Bro. We related, we related all,
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we got the same blood. We got similarities between this. We come from
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the same family tree. But family, it's like that's a badge of honor
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to wear. Man. Some some friends that take off their shirt before they
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feel me though, fel seen it real ship. I have seen it.
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I got, I got real stand up friends around me. That's like my
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family, and I said, I got cherished that ship, so I hold
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that to a place like I'm I'm like we locked them forevers like that.
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But I thought she was gonna be like that for my grandmother, but it
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was never was. Yeah, I just know people just using us. Come
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on, man, niggas can't niggas couldn't sleep, Niggas couldn't stay with my
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grandmother when they on her worst day, Jerry bracelets on both arms, rings,
15:24
thousand dollar chains, white shirt matching the caprice, with this, with
15:30
this, with the sandals. You know she was doing it. Now you
15:33
look at him like, damgn what happen? Told my grandmother jewelry, She
15:35
started giving it away. My grandmother was going to the church giving away her
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jewelry, giving away jury and all like like she always liked to see people
15:43
happy. She had no jurey to give to you. She started giving away
15:48
plates, paper plates. She got to give away something that lady always gonna
15:52
be blessed, Like you might need this man, that lady always going to
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be blessed. That's what I said. Say. It's like people only want
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to keep Super Maddy and they they memories instead of trying to connect with the
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dementia Maddy. Like my cousin just came home from jail. As soon as
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he walked in, like my grandmother raised all of us there for all of
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us. He walked in and she just looking at him, and it broke
16:22
him down. No matter how masculine what you did in the streets or whatever.
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The kid, it broke him down. He's like, damn, bro,
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she don't remember me. Now he makes his presence known, come to
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see her and everything else. On Francis is me, friens me is on
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Francis alright, So at stepping up and doing that, be bullshit, bro.
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As I said, if you home and you got somebody in your family
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that's suffering with dementia, like be patient with them. Got to be patient
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with them, like stand by them, let them know they're not fighting this
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by theyself. It might be hard. It's gonna be a lot of crying
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nights that you're gonna cry. Yeah, but you gotta look at it like
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she's here, they here, and you gotta And the thing is like just
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try your best to not try your best to not think about yourself in that
17:11
moment one, you know, try your best to not think about you because
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I know it's hard. You know, as I'm listening to you speak right
17:18
now, like I'm feeling away because I'm thinking about You're just saying shit that
17:21
I can relate to, like right now, you know, it's a season
17:23
that we in currently, you know, and I can relate to it.
17:26
But the thing is is, like it's less about how I'm feeling about this
17:33
situation changing, and it's more about like what I can do with the time
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I got left or shit, That's what it's about. And when I see
17:40
her and you know, I'm from Texas, so my grandma in Texas,
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you know what I mean. Like, I'm gonna take I'm gonna take off
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like May twenty second to the thirty first, and I'm gonna be and I'm
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gonna make sure I see her every fucking day, even if it's just for
17:52
an hour, as you should, you know what I mean. And we're
17:53
gonna tap in. And then the situation is is you know, it's increasing,
17:56
But however, it's all about It's all about when it's all said and
18:02
done, bro, And you can't make these trips no more, you can't
18:04
make these sisters no more. That person going now you're gonna wish it.
18:07
You should have did more, should have been there more, this, that
18:10
other thing a lot this. This episode definitely was touching because I lived with
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this woman. Yeah, and she took me in when I was out here
18:15
Wildand my grandmother never turns her back on none of I on none of her
18:19
grandkids. But longs prospected standard you always those is always open. She always
18:26
gonna feed you. She always gonna be there for you. No matter what
18:30
my mothers felt like we wrong. My grandmother won't tell us. You know,
18:34
you should never did that. But I'm not gonna leave you out there.
18:37
Yeah, that's one thing I'm not gonna do. Come on, man,
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it ain't it ain't too many people that can can give me that love
18:45
that my grandmother gave me. That's different, bro, like super different.
18:48
What she make your favorites. What I made you a cake just because just
18:55
because, bro, come on, cause just because I know you like it.
18:59
Come on. My grandmother found out like something. She go to the
19:00
store coming back like, hey, I brought you this cause I know this
19:03
is what you I see, this what you eat, see, this is
19:06
what you drink man. And she raised my son. That's a special kind
19:10
of love. I used to be in there sleep, my son crying.
19:11
She coming in and she picking up, picking him up. I got him
19:15
going in the room with her. That's my grandma. What you could tell
19:19
her, No, the kids can't have this, she's sneaking them icy.
19:23
Yeah for sure, for sure knowing damn well when she was raising kids,
19:27
she wasn't doing none of that. Ship she still was doing that. What
19:32
my mother said, No, she's still giving it. My mother told my
19:36
sister when she was no more bottles my grandmother had under the cover high and
19:40
her giving her the bottle, like what we live to go to grandma house
19:45
on the weekend's special, something different. Like I sat there and said,
19:49
it's like that special bro. Our kids would never experience what we had with
19:56
my grandmother and my grandfather. Yeah, you know, it's like the thing
20:00
is that there's no way to replicate it, but we could. But I
20:03
think what we should try to do. We should try to get as close
20:04
as we can. Oh yeah, doing it our way. Real shit.
20:08
You know, my grandfather got his car, told on to give me a
20:11
Pokemon game. Every week, we're gonna get sneakers before they even come out.
20:17
Yeah. Every year we had a new bike for Christmas. Yeah,
20:22
my grandfather bought us little cap guns and he's running around the house acting like
20:26
we cops and robbers, and he jumping over the couch. My son would
20:30
never experience because my grandfather older. Now it's different, so it's a it's
20:33
a different. So that what I'm saying, like, you gotta cherish these
20:37
people out there here, because when it's all going you on wish you had
20:40
much more time with them, and it's gonna be too late. You got
20:42
one thousand too late. You got to cherish my my biggest focus in life,
20:48
if you could just delineate it down to what it really is. No
20:51
regrets, bro, the least amount of regrets humanly possible. I know I'm
20:55
gonna get a couple of them motherfuckers, because that's what it means to be
20:56
human. But you know what, though, I'm acting going out of my
21:00
way to make sure that I did. I leave this bitch with very few
21:04
of them. Man. Like I said today, God forbid my grandmother and
21:07
my grandfather close their eyes. I have no regrets because I gave him my
21:11
own, Yeah, gave them my all. What what I did, everything
21:18
I can do for Maddie and Jimmy, and I'm satisfied the way I did
21:22
it. Shout out to Maddie and Jimmy. Man, what the best ever
21:26
did it? You can't mention blind Poppy without mentioning number two. What I
21:29
could be down feeling out of it. I want to give up. I
21:34
call my grandfather. He ain't talking like you know this this He started praying
21:40
and his words and make me like, all right, better now praying no
21:42
more. We're gonna be all right? What Yeah, I was forced to
21:47
be wrecking with man. I got the higher power with me. Man,
21:49
I can't be touched. That's why I say we got to ervist ravish those
21:53
ones like my grandmother, like she went through a chance. I just see
21:56
my grandmother fade and they take it to the hospital. She not eating.
22:00
So now they're like, you know, we gonna put on the nursing home
22:03
temporary. I mean it's days. I walked around the house crying because I
22:07
feel like a part of me is missing. But then it's like, now
22:11
she got her strength back, you face timed. I went to the hospital
22:15
to see her, and she walked to the door and the way she jumped
22:18
out the bed. Oh, I've been looking for your ass, Chris,
22:19
I miss you and it's like, damn, I did everything. I know
22:22
the way she excited to see me. I'm doing something. Yeah for sure
22:26
what I'm facetimed, Chris, I miss your ass, baby. I can't
22:30
wait to get home. It's like I know that that makes me feel like
22:33
I did my job. I gotta keep going because before they leave this earth,
22:37
I got to put them in a business that's that's that belonged to me.
22:41
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Nobody ain't gonna stop
22:45
me. I got the higher power with me. Nobody's gonna stop me.
22:48
But it's just like that love I give my grandmother. Like, man,
22:52
y'all missing out who? You know who I'm talking to? Those who are
22:55
that that's watching this, you know who I'm talking to, Like you missing
22:57
out on a lot, But grandmother, whether it's ar Francis weather is whatever,
23:03
you miss out on a lot, and don't and don't get upset,
23:04
get inspired. Bro, man, listen, I don't care if they get
23:07
it. I'mset to be honest. I say what people want to say and
23:12
don't care about it. Yeah. Yeah, I got shot three times.
23:15
What I'm holding back on my words for you. Ain't nothing to hold back.
23:18
I'm on my second life. What I'm holding back on words for the
23:22
hell? Words? Come on, man, I don't. I don't hold
23:26
back on nothing. I lived my life. I lived my life with no
23:29
fears. I lived my life with no caution tape around me. I do
23:32
whatever I want and everybody know that. But it's another episode of the Blind
23:37
Banci podcasts and I'm gonna leave like this with words that Maddie would say.
23:41
You leave her in the back of the bus, or you play with five
23:45
yeo ass we'll get burned. I am fob C know the hood Ray Charles
23:48
Blonde, Poppy of Nasty, the official blind Stupper from the Black Van podcast
23:52
and we always step in big