Latest / Where We Rise / 37 | "It's Never Too Late" | Transforming Your Life

Transcript

37 | "It's Never Too Late" | Transforming Your Life · Where We Rise

• 0:00
  Khalila McCoy: Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy.
• 0:03
  Khalila McCoy: And this is the show that reminds you to keep moving forward.
• 0:07
  Khalila McCoy: This is where we ride.
• 0:11
  Khalila McCoy: Hey there.
• 0:14
  Khalila McCoy: Welcome to the show.
• 0:16
  Khalila McCoy: I am very happy to have you here with me.
• 0:18
  Khalila McCoy: If this is your first time, very nice to meet you.
• 0:21
  Khalila McCoy: And if you've been here for a while, you know the drill.
• 0:24
  Khalila McCoy: Get ready for a great conversation and some inspiration.
• 0:28
  Khalila McCoy: I am very happy to introduce you to Natasha Ickes.
• 0:34
  Khalila McCoy: Natasha is a mother, a successful businesswoman, an author, and so much more.
• 0:40
  Khalila McCoy: Her story is one of transformation.
• 0:43
  Khalila McCoy: It's real, it's raw, and it's powerful.
• 0:47
  Khalila McCoy: She grew up navigating instability, deep emotional pain, and moments that could have taken her out completely.
• 0:54
  Khalila McCoy: But Natasha is someone who believes in becoming and evolving and in choosing to move forward even when life feels impossible.
• 1:04
  Khalila McCoy: The way Natasha shares her story with such hope and honesty really moved me.
• 1:09
  Khalila McCoy: She doesn't shy away from the hard parts, but she also doesn't let them define her.
• 1:14
  Khalila McCoy: And that balance is something that you can feel the entire conversation.
• 1:19
  Khalila McCoy: This episode is honest, it's human, and it's full of the kind of perspective that reminds you not to let mistakes define you.
• 1:28
  Khalila McCoy: Let's jump in.
• 1:30
  Khalila McCoy: Hi Natasha, how are you today?
• 1:35
  Natasha Ickes: I'm doing well.
• 1:36
  Natasha Ickes: How are you?
• 1:36
  Natasha Ickes: I'm super excited to be here.
• 1:39
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you.
• 1:40
  Khalila McCoy: I want to thank you for your time to join the show.
• 1:44
  Khalila McCoy: I know you are very busy and you're going to share a little bit of that with us today.
• 1:47
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm excited to kind of jump into the details of who you are and how you got to where you are today.
• 1:53
  Natasha Ickes: I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.
• 1:56
  Natasha Ickes: I'm excited about this conversation.
• 1:58
  Natasha Ickes: It's going to be a good one.
• 2:00
  Khalila McCoy: So you're going to be sharing with us about your life, and you're going to have some pretty heavy details that you're going to share along the way.
• 2:06
  Khalila McCoy: And I just want us to never lose sight of who you truly are.
• 2:11
  Khalila McCoy: I think sometimes when people share the ups and downs of their life, we kind of lose the humanity sometimes or we overlook certain things.
• 2:19
  Khalila McCoy: So you knowing yourself, what is something that is important about you that you want us to keep in mind throughout your whole story?
• 2:28
  Natasha Ickes: So there's two things that I always think about, not just with myself, but with most people, right?
• 2:33
  Natasha Ickes: One is that transformation is what we're here to do.
• 2:36
  Natasha Ickes: So I'm in love with transformation.
• 2:38
  Natasha Ickes: So even at my lowest moments, even when I'm not the happiest with myself or my decisions or where I'm at in life in life, as long as I'm transforming and moving forward, I am happy and I'm doing my job.
• 2:49
  Natasha Ickes: And the second thing is that we are all greater or better than our biggest mistakes.
• 2:55
  Natasha Ickes: I think a lot of times we can beat ourselves up in, you know, if I would have got this job or said this right or done this right instead of realizing that we are on this earth, on this journey meant to learn and to grow and to be better.
• 3:08
  Natasha Ickes: And mistakes are a part of that.
• 3:10
  Natasha Ickes: And that's actually where we become stronger and become better and are able to move forward in the best effective way.
• 3:16
  Khalila McCoy: So yeah, I love that.
• 3:17
  Khalila McCoy: I agree.
• 3:18
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 3:18
  Khalila McCoy: So we're thinking about transformations, and I like that mistakes don't define us.
• 3:23
  Khalila McCoy: Absolutely.
• 3:25
  Khalila McCoy: All right.
• 3:25
  Khalila McCoy: So let's go ahead and just dive into your story.
• 3:28
  Khalila McCoy: Tell us about I know a lot of your um situations go all the way back to your childhood.
• 3:33
  Khalila McCoy: So tell us what it was like growing up as young Natasha.
• 3:37
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 3:38
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I think a lot of us, right?
• 3:40
  Natasha Ickes: Our childhood in many ways can shape us.
• 3:43
  Natasha Ickes: Um, and we have to try our best to choose to have it shape us for the better.
• 3:47
  Natasha Ickes: Um, and so for me growing up, I was raised primarily by my father.
• 3:51
  Natasha Ickes: My mom was in and out of my life.
• 3:54
  Natasha Ickes: When I did see her, it was at like motels and some of the worst parts of Oakland.
• 3:59
  Natasha Ickes: And I don't even think it was more the physical surroundings that were as challenging as the mental and the emotional reality that I was living in.
• 4:08
  Natasha Ickes: And I often say, when your parents don't know how to show you love in the way that you need to feel it and receive it, especially as a young child, it becomes harder to love yourself, to feel like you're worth loving.
• 4:19
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 4:20
  Natasha Ickes: And so for me, as a result of my mom just not being there and me not feeling good enough or lovable enough and blaming myself, my first suicide attempt, I was eight years old.
• 4:30
  Natasha Ickes: Wow.
• 4:30
  Natasha Ickes: And, you know, I kind of went in and out these deep, deep bouts of depression.
• 4:35
  Natasha Ickes: And by the time I was in high school, I was struggling with addiction.
• 4:39
  Natasha Ickes: Even though I did really well in school, I just was so overwhelmed and so depressed.
• 4:45
  Natasha Ickes: I ended up dropping out of school.
• 4:47
  Natasha Ickes: I took like the GED equivalent early.
• 4:49
  Natasha Ickes: And I was homeless.
• 4:51
  Natasha Ickes: I was addicted.
• 4:53
  Natasha Ickes: I was sleeping on buses and in coffee shops and really at my lowest point in my life.
• 4:59
  Natasha Ickes: And I'd say at about 16, I had another suicide attempt, and that one left me hospitalized.
• 5:05
  Natasha Ickes: And it was after I left the traditional hospital and was moved into a mental hospital.
• 5:12
  Natasha Ickes: And I remember meeting this young woman who had also attempted suicide.
• 5:16
  Natasha Ickes: And she was forever changed, at least from what we could see.
• 5:20
  Natasha Ickes: Her mental capacity wasn't fully there.
• 5:23
  Natasha Ickes: She would kind of come in and out of these really meaningful conversations and then kind of like space out.
• 5:29
  Natasha Ickes: And I realized like there is something worse than being gone or being here in pain, right?
• 5:36
  Natasha Ickes: Like for me, it was like, oh my gosh, I can do something that puts me in an even worse situation.
• 5:41
  Natasha Ickes: So I need to try to be grateful.
• 5:43
  Natasha Ickes: And set of looking at what I don't have or didn't have, look at what I do.
• 5:48
  Natasha Ickes: Like my mental capacity is here.
• 5:50
  Natasha Ickes: I can still get up every day and make different choices.
• 5:52
  Natasha Ickes: And I have the ability to change my circumstances.
• 5:55
  Natasha Ickes: And really that connection with her in there was this catapult that changed my life.
• 6:01
  Natasha Ickes: And it wasn't overnight.
• 6:03
  Natasha Ickes: It wasn't in a few months or even in a year, but over the next few years, I completely transformed my life.
• 6:09
  Natasha Ickes: I had my daughter, my first child.
• 6:11
  Natasha Ickes: I became a licensed cosmetologist.
• 6:14
  Natasha Ickes: I opened up my own hair salon.
• 6:16
  Natasha Ickes: Really within five years, yeah, five years at that point.
• 6:19
  Natasha Ickes: I owned my own business.
• 6:21
  Natasha Ickes: I was making over six figures.
• 6:23
  Natasha Ickes: I had my daughter, and we were traveling, and I had really shifted my entire mindset.
• 6:29
  Natasha Ickes: And then my world followed.
• 6:31
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 6:31
  Khalila McCoy: Wow, that's a huge transformation.
• 6:34
  Khalila McCoy: Um, there's a lot of questions that I have about what you just said.
• 6:38
  Khalila McCoy: So going back to where you feel like that transformation started with meeting the other lady.
• 6:44
  Khalila McCoy: Was that aha moment something that you just had on your own?
• 6:48
  Khalila McCoy: Or was it through like a therapy or something that you realize I need to start being thankful for what I have?
• 6:54
  Natasha Ickes: It was something I had on my own, but I have been always obsessed with like self-growth.
• 7:00
  Natasha Ickes: So since I was little, I have obsessively read memoirs.
• 7:03
  Natasha Ickes: Like when I tell you I have hundreds in the other one, I have a full library.
• 7:07
  Natasha Ickes: And probably 90% of those are memoirs because I was always inspired by what people overcame.
• 7:14
  Natasha Ickes: I always learn from their stories.
• 7:15
  Natasha Ickes: If they can get through it, so can I, right?
• 7:17
  Natasha Ickes: Like what nuggets are they dropping that transform their lives and that can transform mine as well?
• 7:23
  Natasha Ickes: So I think just years of accumulation, studying different world religions, growing up in the church, it all kind of came together.
• 7:31
  Natasha Ickes: And it was this book I read, um, Turn Your Life from a Problem into a Solution.
• 7:35
  Natasha Ickes: And it essentially was just that you always have a choice.
• 7:40
  Natasha Ickes: You may not like your options, but you have some.
• 7:42
  Natasha Ickes: And if you're stuck blaming the world and blaming other people, really it's an excuse so that you don't look in the mirror and take accountability for the fact that you do have the opportunity to make a difference and to change your life.
• 7:55
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, that's really cool.
• 7:57
  Khalila McCoy: Talk to us a little bit about your first suicidal attempt at eight years old.
• 8:02
  Khalila McCoy: You said, Do you did you really understand what you were doing and feeling at that time?
• 8:07
  Natasha Ickes: No, and it wasn't even a full-blown attempt.
• 8:11
  Natasha Ickes: Like I took a knife and was trying to like essentially slice my wrist.
• 8:15
  Natasha Ickes: And what happened was so my dad was remarried, and he had my little brother who I am incredibly close to.
• 8:22
  Natasha Ickes: And I remember one day walking in the room and seeing my stepmom looking at my little brother, and she was, I think, like breastfeeding him, but it was she was looking at him with so much love.
• 8:34
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 8:35
  Natasha Ickes: And it was beautiful.
• 8:36
  Natasha Ickes: And it also just hit me.
• 8:39
  Natasha Ickes: And I was like, I'm never gonna have that.
• 8:41
  Khalila McCoy: Oh, yeah.
• 8:42
  Natasha Ickes: Like she's a nice woman, but this is not my mom.
• 8:44
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm never gonna have a mother look at me that way.
• 8:47
  Natasha Ickes: And I just literally walked straight from her into the kitchen, took the knife, tried to cut however deep it went, it hurt.
• 8:55
  Natasha Ickes: And I was like, and it actually scared me because I didn't have this long, drawn-out thought process.
• 9:00
  Natasha Ickes: Right.
• 9:00
  Natasha Ickes: And we lived in this little, like, small studio apartment above a store that my dad worked at.
• 9:06
  Natasha Ickes: And I went downstairs and I told him, and he ended up putting me in therapy and you know, everything else.
• 9:11
  Natasha Ickes: But yeah, it was just like just this moment of deep, deep sadness.
• 9:18
  Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
• 9:19
  Khalila McCoy: You mentioned earlier about your parents not necessarily being able to love you the way you needed to be loved.
• 9:26
  Khalila McCoy: Was that mostly just like that missing connection with your mom?
• 9:29
  Khalila McCoy: Is that what you you feel like you were lacking that whole time?
• 9:33
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 9:34
  Natasha Ickes: And you know, I knew some people who didn't have their father in their life.
• 9:38
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm sure that was just as agonizing.
• 9:41
  Natasha Ickes: But because I saw that more frequently, then people not, I didn't know anyone that didn't have their mom, at least that I was aware of.
• 9:48
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, typically you hear of the dad being gone.
• 9:50
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 9:51
  Natasha Ickes: You do.
• 9:51
  Natasha Ickes: I mean, even I had a few friends who were adopted, right?
• 9:54
  Natasha Ickes: And they had both of their parents.
• 9:55
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm sure that that brings an entirely different level of identity crisis and whatever goes into that.
• 10:01
  Natasha Ickes: But for me at the time, in my young mind, I was like, literally, how bad do you have to be for your own mom not to want you?
• 10:08
  Natasha Ickes: I was like, I just don't understand why, you know?
• 10:12
  Natasha Ickes: And so that that is where a lot of that really deep insecurities and pain came from.
• 10:19
  Khalila McCoy: Now, was it a situation where you, your mom left and you never saw her?
• 10:23
  Khalila McCoy: Was she in and out of your life?
• 10:24
  Khalila McCoy: Well, I mean, you mentioned like being at the hotels with her.
• 10:27
  Khalila McCoy: So, how frequently are you seeing her?
• 10:30
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I'd say once or twice a month I would see her.
• 10:34
  Natasha Ickes: But even then, there were plenty of cases where I would be, I mean, young, young, left there alone.
• 10:39
  Natasha Ickes: My dad would call back then landlines, call to check in on me.
• 10:42
  Natasha Ickes: He would have my stepmom stay on the phone with me.
• 10:44
  Natasha Ickes: He would, because he didn't have a car, he would ride his bike to come get me and bring me back because it was unsafe to leave me there.
• 10:50
  Natasha Ickes: Because the type of motels that we were in, I mean, most of them were either families that couldn't afford places, right?
• 10:57
  Natasha Ickes: So you did have some other kids, but also a lot of people on drugs and selling themselves and selling things and whatever else.
• 11:05
  Natasha Ickes: So it just wasn't the safest space for a child, but definitely not a place to leave a child alone.
• 11:11
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 11:11
  Khalila McCoy: Now, I don't want to get ahead of your story if this is something you'll share later, but were you and your mom able to?
• 11:18
  Khalila McCoy: I'm assuming your mom was going through some of her own things.
• 11:20
  Khalila McCoy: Was she able to kind of clear up her life?
• 11:22
  Khalila McCoy: And are you guys able to have a relationship now?
• 11:25
  Natasha Ickes: Absolutely.
• 11:26
  Natasha Ickes: She is one of my best friends to this day.
• 11:28
  Natasha Ickes: We talk several times a day.
• 11:30
  Natasha Ickes: She will probably call me during this recording.
• 11:33
  Natasha Ickes: So I was like, mom, I can't answer all the time.
• 11:37
  Natasha Ickes: We're so, so good.
• 11:40
  Natasha Ickes: And she has apologized and she and she was never on drugs or anything like that.
• 11:44
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 11:45
  Natasha Ickes: She had her own traumas, right?
• 11:46
  Natasha Ickes: Her own traumas from growing up that are hers, that's her story to tell.
• 11:49
  Natasha Ickes: But yes, you know, we do the best that we know how to do in the moment.
• 11:53
  Natasha Ickes: In the moment.
• 11:54
  Natasha Ickes: And I reached a time when I was older and I had to be like, because I was so angry with her for so long.
• 12:00
  Natasha Ickes: Because we really didn't get close until, I mean, we had a lot of it was really hard, right?
• 12:06
  Natasha Ickes: Just a lot of hard moments, even when I was older.
• 12:08
  Natasha Ickes: Um, times where it just, you should have been there and you just weren't, right?
• 12:12
  Natasha Ickes: Um, and then finally I think I was like 18, 19, and I'm like, either I have to permanently cut her out of my life, or I'm gonna have to forgive her and just we will be friends in adulthood because the raising part didn't work out.
• 12:25
  Natasha Ickes: Right.
• 12:25
  Natasha Ickes: And we were able to be friends.
• 12:28
  Natasha Ickes: And it's not always easy, but we can have the hard conversations, and I'm really grateful for the relationship that we do have.
• 12:35
  Khalila McCoy: Good.
• 12:36
  Khalila McCoy: I'm glad to hear that.
• 12:37
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 12:38
  Khalila McCoy: Um, so tell us about the second suicidal attempt that actually led you into the hospital.
• 12:44
  Khalila McCoy: What led you to that?
• 12:48
  Natasha Ickes: So at that time, I had, so I got pregnant really young.
• 12:51
  Natasha Ickes: And the guy was, I mean, you know, I had I bounced around a lot.
• 12:56
  Natasha Ickes: So I lived with my dad.
• 12:57
  Natasha Ickes: I left my dad's in middle school.
• 12:59
  Natasha Ickes: I lived with my grandmother for a year, then I was with my mom for a year, then I moved with a boyfriend.
• 13:04
  Natasha Ickes: Like I never had a stable or long-term stable and consistent home life.
• 13:09
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 13:10
  Natasha Ickes: And so the good thing is I can feel at home anywhere, right?
• 13:13
  Natasha Ickes: People are like, oh, you know, I'm not comfortable away from home.
• 13:15
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, I can make anywhere home, you know.
• 13:18
  Natasha Ickes: But the downside was that I just didn't have, I lacked that stability.
• 13:23
  Natasha Ickes: And so when I had a boyfriend in high school and I was living with him and his father, and I ended up pregnant really young, and he got into some legal trouble, and the judges made him move back to the East Coast with his mom.
• 13:36
  Natasha Ickes: And so I was pregnant, I was alone, and my mom, I was like, you know, can I come back?
• 13:42
  Natasha Ickes: And her response was no.
• 13:44
  Natasha Ickes: And so I spent about four months um literally sleeping on buses, and I that actually ended up lasting longer.
• 13:50
  Natasha Ickes: But that was when I first started staying at friends' homes, sleeping on buses and in coffee shops.
• 13:55
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, I'm not.
• 13:56
  Natasha Ickes: And you're 16 at this time?
• 13:57
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 13:58
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 13:58
  Natasha Ickes: And at the time, I mean, my grandmother called me.
• 14:01
  Natasha Ickes: She was like, Oh, I've I heard you're homeless.
• 14:03
  Natasha Ickes: You know, if you'd like, I have an extra blanket for you.
• 14:05
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm like, Yeah, no, I'm not like curled up on the sidewalk.
• 14:08
  Natasha Ickes: I'm still trying, you know.
• 14:10
  Natasha Ickes: Um, I had dropped out of school because it was just too much, but I did get like the GED equivalent early.
• 14:15
  Natasha Ickes: So I signed up for college classes.
• 14:17
  Natasha Ickes: So I'm always trying.
• 14:18
  Natasha Ickes: I never gave up, but I just couldn't get the pieces in place.
• 14:23
  Natasha Ickes: The long story short, pretty late into it.
• 14:26
  Natasha Ickes: I mean, I was like three, four months pregnant.
• 14:30
  Natasha Ickes: I finally was like, How am I gonna bring a child into the world?
• 14:32
  Natasha Ickes: And I don't even have a place to lay my head.
• 14:34
  Natasha Ickes: So I go to get an abortion.
• 14:37
  Natasha Ickes: Um, the worst, absolute worst experience of my life.
• 14:42
  Natasha Ickes: And I changed my mind because I was so far along, it was a two-day procedure.
• 14:46
  Natasha Ickes: I changed my mind on the table.
• 14:48
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, I cannot do this.
• 14:49
  Natasha Ickes: Whatever it is, I'm gonna figure it out.
• 14:50
  Natasha Ickes: Like, I can't do this.
• 14:52
  Natasha Ickes: And so I leave, and over the next week or so, I start cramping, I start bleeding, and I end up having to go back and then have the abortion.
• 14:59
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 15:00
  Natasha Ickes: And I, I mean, I couldn't watch a commercial with a baby without crying.
• 15:04
  Natasha Ickes: Like I felt so guilty.
• 15:06
  Natasha Ickes: And and everybody's, I believe, in the right to choose.
• 15:09
  Natasha Ickes: Everybody's choice is their own, but I knew that wasn't the right choice for me.
• 15:13
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 15:13
  Natasha Ickes: And it also reinforced that feelings of abandonment for my mom because I'm like, this is the one time you could have shown up and you could have been there for me.
• 15:21
  Natasha Ickes: And she was like, Yeah, you can't come back here.
• 15:23
  Natasha Ickes: And so I one day had had an e-well, she said I couldn't come back as long as I was pregnant.
• 15:30
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 15:30
  Natasha Ickes: So once I had, you know, went through all this stuff, I did go back there for maybe a month or two.
• 15:35
  Natasha Ickes: And I was angry.
• 15:36
  Natasha Ickes: And one night I took a bottle of sleeping pills and wrote out a note.
• 15:40
  Natasha Ickes: And I think I was angry at her, and I wanted her to be the one to find me.
• 15:44
  Natasha Ickes: And yeah, it just was a really tough.
• 15:47
  Natasha Ickes: So she found me.
• 15:48
  Natasha Ickes: Um, actually, one of my good friends, I had told him what was going on, and he drove like a hundred miles an hour out there, runs up to the door.
• 15:56
  Natasha Ickes: They come inside.
• 15:57
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like out of it.
• 15:58
  Natasha Ickes: They take me, I'm throwing up out the window.
• 16:00
  Natasha Ickes: And it was, it was, it was rough.
• 16:03
  Natasha Ickes: It was rough.
• 16:05
  Khalila McCoy: How long were you in recovery from that?
• 16:08
  Natasha Ickes: I wasn't in the hospital for that long, maybe a couple of days, you know, drinking the charcoal and purging your system.
• 16:15
  Natasha Ickes: They keep you with the an officer at your door to make sure there's not another attempt.
• 16:19
  Natasha Ickes: And then I went to the mental institution, and that was not long either, maybe two weeks, maybe a week.
• 16:27
  Natasha Ickes: Um, you know, I just I lied.
• 16:30
  Natasha Ickes: I was like, oh, it was a boyfriend.
• 16:32
  Natasha Ickes: And now I realize my life is worth living.
• 16:34
  Natasha Ickes: You know, I sold the story because I wasn't ready to do the work.
• 16:37
  Natasha Ickes: Yes.
• 16:37
  Natasha Ickes: I wasn't, I was like, this is too.
• 16:39
  Natasha Ickes: If you know why I'm really here, you're gonna keep me here for a while.
• 16:43
  Natasha Ickes: We can't solve this in a week.
• 16:46
  Natasha Ickes: So yeah.
• 16:50
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 16:50
  Khalila McCoy: Now you mentioned bouncing around from house to house for a while, and then even like that friend who drove 100 miles an hour to come see you.
• 16:58
  Khalila McCoy: So there were, correct me if I'm wrong, some people in your life that you feel like you could trust and connect with.
• 17:03
  Khalila McCoy: But was it, was there still something missing in that that you felt?
• 17:07
  Khalila McCoy: Or what was it that you felt like you didn't, it seems like almost you didn't feel have a sense of belonging yet.
• 17:14
  Natasha Ickes: Absolutely.
• 17:14
  Natasha Ickes: And I think because of my early experiences with my mom, because they really do, you know, your earliest attachments really shape what you feel is safe, right?
• 17:24
  Natasha Ickes: And what feels like home, whether that's something healthy or not.
• 17:28
  Natasha Ickes: And I never trusted that anybody would really stay.
• 17:33
  Natasha Ickes: Now, with that boyfriend that I was with, he come, I mean, he saved the day, right?
• 17:37
  Natasha Ickes: He souped in, he gave me my, we were young, he gave me my lunch money, he paid my phone bill.
• 17:42
  Natasha Ickes: We, I lived with him and his dad.
• 17:44
  Natasha Ickes: We were very like, I felt safe in that space.
• 17:47
  Natasha Ickes: And then when he ended up leaving too, even though it wasn't his choice to leave, I said, Oh my God, I can't trust anybody.
• 17:54
  Khalila McCoy: Oh, yeah.
• 17:55
  Natasha Ickes: Right.
• 17:55
  Natasha Ickes: And not blaming anyone, not that people are living their own lives.
• 17:58
  Natasha Ickes: They're doing everybody's on this journey, just trying to do the best they can do.
• 18:02
  Natasha Ickes: But it was like, oh, you're really in this alone.
• 18:06
  Natasha Ickes: And you're gonna have to figure out how to create by yourself the life that you want to live because counting on other people does not work out and it is not safe.
• 18:15
  Natasha Ickes: That was the lessons that I had internalized.
• 18:18
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 18:19
  Khalila McCoy: I'm sorry, I'm like starting to cry.
• 18:22
  Khalila McCoy: Oh no.
• 18:23
  Khalila McCoy: No, I just, I mean, because for me too, it's knowing that like you're not the only person out there, right?
• 18:29
  Khalila McCoy: Who has felt that way.
• 18:30
  Khalila McCoy: And I see you now, and I'm so excited to hear about your transformation and how you got there.
• 18:35
  Khalila McCoy: And that's a big part of this show.
• 18:36
  Khalila McCoy: It's just like people understanding you're not alone.
• 18:38
  Khalila McCoy: And like you kind of talked about before, like someone else made it, I can make it, which I feel is so amazing that you loved that as a kid reading those books, and now you're living that and setting that example for for someone else.
• 18:50
  Khalila McCoy: Unfortunately, you had to go through some things to get there, right?
• 18:53
  Khalila McCoy: But you're kind of living that out.
• 18:54
  Khalila McCoy: But it it just always breaks my heart, the things that people have to deal with and the stories that come through.
• 19:00
  Khalila McCoy: But as I know, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for your story.
• 19:04
  Khalila McCoy: So yes, ignore my tears.
• 19:06
  Natasha Ickes: You're so sweet.
• 19:07
  Natasha Ickes: Thank you.
• 19:08
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm the same way.
• 19:09
  Natasha Ickes: I, you know, I realized my daughter brought it up to me.
• 19:11
  Natasha Ickes: She said, Do you notice you can cry for everybody but yourself?
• 19:14
  Natasha Ickes: Because people will say stories and I tear, but I never tear when I'm telling mine, you know, because you're like, I'm fine.
• 19:21
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 19:22
  Khalila McCoy: Like, I'm fine, I got it.
• 19:23
  Khalila McCoy: I'll be, I'll make it through.
• 19:24
  Khalila McCoy: But you know, commercials.
• 19:26
  Khalila McCoy: You know, look at the round, like, oh my God, this is so like.
• 19:30
  Khalila McCoy: And it's funny too, because you know, they say as you get older, like I was not obviously like that as a kid, but as I get older now, everything, I'm just like, oh my goodness, that's so precious.
• 19:39
  Natasha Ickes: My now ex-husband, and we're still great friends.
• 19:42
  Natasha Ickes: But my son and I will be at like a movie or something.
• 19:44
  Natasha Ickes: He'll look over.
• 19:45
  Natasha Ickes: He's like, are you both crying?
• 19:47
  Natasha Ickes: We're like, what is so beautiful?
• 19:52
  Khalila McCoy: See, now I feel like I'm not alone.
• 19:54
  Khalila McCoy: You understand me.
• 19:55
  Khalila McCoy: You're definitely not alone.
• 20:01
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, so back to your story.
• 20:03
  Khalila McCoy: So after you've left, you you mentioned that, you know, you have left that the hospital.
• 20:09
  Khalila McCoy: You still had some work to do, but you knew that you wanted to live, that you wanted to change your life.
• 20:15
  Khalila McCoy: Go ahead and tell us like kind of the steps that came next.
• 20:20
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, that book, The Turning Your Life from a Problem into a Solution, was hands down, life-changing, shifted my entire put a load of responsibility on me that hey, you have to stop blaming her and actually do the work, you know?
• 20:36
  Natasha Ickes: Um, and I was struggling with addiction too, which was extremely hard.
• 20:40
  Natasha Ickes: So I'd sign up for classes and drop out, right?
• 20:43
  Natasha Ickes: I did a security program and didn't finish, right?
• 20:46
  Natasha Ickes: All these different things.
• 20:47
  Natasha Ickes: And then this next relationship I was in, and some years into it, maybe you're four.
• 20:53
  Natasha Ickes: So we end up getting pregnant.
• 20:56
  Natasha Ickes: And immediately, I mean, I found out early.
• 20:58
  Natasha Ickes: So the last one I found out really late.
• 21:00
  Natasha Ickes: This one I found out maybe week four, and um immediately stopped everything I was doing, instant sobriety, right?
• 21:09
  Natasha Ickes: Because you have no choice.
• 21:10
  Natasha Ickes: And thank God for that.
• 21:11
  Natasha Ickes: I say she saved my life in so many ways.
• 21:14
  Natasha Ickes: And I enrolled in cosmetology school about two weeks later because I said I have to have a career and I want one with some flexibility where I can spend my time with my kids.
• 21:25
  Natasha Ickes: And my goal was like, I didn't have, I mean, my dad was there for me in a lot of ways.
• 21:31
  Natasha Ickes: Both of my parents had good traits, but I didn't have any parent that I'm like, oh, I want to be like that.
• 21:37
  Natasha Ickes: Right.
• 21:37
  Natasha Ickes: Like mine was kind of the opposite of my mom.
• 21:40
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, I just want to give my children everything that I didn't get.
• 21:44
  Natasha Ickes: And it was a good thing because I made sure I'm the mom that like cooks every meal and hosts the holidays and shows up on the team mom for her cheer and personalizing gifts for the team.
• 21:57
  Natasha Ickes: Like, I really made sure to be.
• 21:59
  Natasha Ickes: The parent that I wanted to have.
• 22:01
  Natasha Ickes: And in that process, I was able to transform my own life in the, you know, in that journey.
• 22:08
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 22:08
  Khalila McCoy: Now you mentioned that your salon business did really, really well.
• 22:12
  Khalila McCoy: Was that, I mean, coming from, you know, being homeless to, I think you said six figures pretty quickly.
• 22:19
  Khalila McCoy: How was that transformation and that growth for you just personally?
• 22:24
  Natasha Ickes: Oh, it was life-changing.
• 22:27
  Natasha Ickes: And, you know, I just had never, even when I worked before, you know, I worked jobs where you kind of get the standard pay.
• 22:34
  Natasha Ickes: And so it wasn't, it just was different.
• 22:37
  Natasha Ickes: And so coming into hair where it's just it's quick money if you have a clientele, right?
• 22:41
  Natasha Ickes: And my focus was always dual on like skill, making sure that people are leaving with a quality hairstyle, but also relationship, that people feel good every time they leave from you.
• 22:52
  Natasha Ickes: And I think those two things and keeping and maintaining a level of professionalism will in any industry is going to always set you apart.
• 23:00
  Natasha Ickes: People buy from people that they know, like, and trust.
• 23:03
  Natasha Ickes: That's the reality.
• 23:04
  Natasha Ickes: So they can buy your services from anybody.
• 23:07
  Natasha Ickes: And so by me focusing on really like that arc, those three things, I booked up.
• 23:12
  Natasha Ickes: I mean, even now, I I tend to book out two to three months in advance, you know, regularly.
• 23:18
  Natasha Ickes: And so that, yeah.
• 23:19
  Natasha Ickes: So the money was great.
• 23:21
  Natasha Ickes: I was able to get my own place and do, you know, it was me and my daughter's father split up, able to get my own place and do my own things.
• 23:28
  Natasha Ickes: And yeah, it was great.
• 23:30
  Khalila McCoy: When did you open it like as your own business?
• 23:33
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 23:34
  Natasha Ickes: So I worked, I think I was 24 because I'm year 14 now.
• 23:38
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 23:38
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 23:39
  Natasha Ickes: So I was about year.
• 23:39
  Natasha Ickes: That's impressive.
• 23:40
  Natasha Ickes: That's right.
• 23:41
  Natasha Ickes: About 24 years old, almost 25.
• 23:43
  Natasha Ickes: And I opened my own shop and I enjoyed where I was, but I realized I wanted to have control over my environment.
• 23:50
  Natasha Ickes: I wanted really like no mean girl energy.
• 23:53
  Natasha Ickes: Like we love each other.
• 23:55
  Natasha Ickes: We do vision board parties every year.
• 23:57
  Natasha Ickes: I'm still friends with everybody that has ever worked there, you know?
• 24:01
  Natasha Ickes: So whether you're here or not, we still build a relationship that hopefully will last.
• 24:06
  Natasha Ickes: And yeah, I knew I needed my own space to do that.
• 24:09
  Natasha Ickes: What's your salon called?
• 24:10
  Natasha Ickes: It's called Sheer Passion in Oakland.
• 24:13
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, sheer passion.
• 24:14
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 24:15
  Khalila McCoy: So we talked about before how I have family who is out in California.
• 24:19
  Khalila McCoy: So if I ever get out that way and, you know, there's no earthquake, so my husband doesn't have to be scared.
• 24:24
  Khalila McCoy: I'll try to find you.
• 24:26
  Natasha Ickes: Yes, yes.
• 24:27
  Natasha Ickes: Even if anybody is out here, you know, something that we do, uh, we go out to the community regularly and provide free haircuts for unhoused members of our community.
• 24:36
  Natasha Ickes: So we go to shelters, sometimes we set up on the street with a generator.
• 24:40
  Natasha Ickes: We do and at San Francisco, Vallejo, Berkeley, Oakland.
• 24:45
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm always looking for volunteers because sometimes it is literally me and my two kids.
• 24:51
  Natasha Ickes: My daughter does hair and does makeup.
• 24:53
  Natasha Ickes: So if we're in like a center or something like that, she'll do transformations and my son will come and pass out care kits, but we're always looking for people to help.
• 25:03
  Khalila McCoy: That's great.
• 25:04
  Khalila McCoy: Share a little bit about your passion for giving back and helping others.
• 25:09
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I feel like our.
• 25:11
  Natasha Ickes: So for me, you who you are, right?
• 25:14
  Natasha Ickes: Like the imprint that you leave on the world is really about who you touch.
• 25:17
  Natasha Ickes: Yes, we all want to be in some ways recognized for the hard work we put in, right?
• 25:22
  Natasha Ickes: Whether we want that to be financially, whether we want some other form of recognition.
• 25:27
  Natasha Ickes: But I always think about that movie.
• 25:28
  Natasha Ickes: Have you seen the butterfly effect?
• 25:30
  Natasha Ickes: Yes.
• 25:30
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 25:31
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 25:31
  Natasha Ickes: I always think about the butterfly effect and how we don't know how one little thing that we do can literally change and create a ripple in the time frame, right?
• 25:40
  Natasha Ickes: So we just don't know.
• 25:42
  Natasha Ickes: And so for me, that's what I think about when I'm giving back.
• 25:45
  Natasha Ickes: Sometimes it's the bigger events.
• 25:47
  Natasha Ickes: And I can't tell you how many times I've had people literally cry in my chair, share things with me.
• 25:53
  Natasha Ickes: I had a man once who he had this like cut in his scalp, and we stopped.
• 25:57
  Natasha Ickes: And I was because I can't work, obviously, if you have like any open wounds.
• 26:00
  Natasha Ickes: So I just sit down and I'm talking to him.
• 26:02
  Natasha Ickes: And he had been diagnosed with like brain, uh, stage four brain cancer.
• 26:07
  Natasha Ickes: And I asked him if he planned on talking to his family and telling them.
• 26:11
  Natasha Ickes: And he was saying, you know, no.
• 26:12
  Natasha Ickes: And through the course of our conversation, I don't know if he did it, but he was like, you know, I said, if you were my dad, I don't care what happened.
• 26:19
  Natasha Ickes: I would want to know.
• 26:20
  Natasha Ickes: Give me the chance to tell you I love you.
• 26:22
  Natasha Ickes: Give me the chance to be there for you.
• 26:24
  Natasha Ickes: And he was like, you know what?
• 26:26
  Natasha Ickes: I'm gonna make that call.
• 26:28
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 26:28
  Natasha Ickes: And so those moments that come up that are so much deeper than the haircut.
• 26:32
  Natasha Ickes: And so I also do like workshops.
• 26:35
  Natasha Ickes: I've flown out and gone to different schools in Chicago and the East Coast and done workshops with young kids on self-esteem and recognizing their superpowers.
• 26:44
  Natasha Ickes: But then sometimes it's the little things that we don't tell anybody about, right?
• 26:48
  Natasha Ickes: It's just buying somebody lunch or paying for somebody's toll.
• 26:52
  Natasha Ickes: Well, you don't pay for toll anymore, you drive through, but you know what I mean, paying for somebody's coffee.
• 26:55
  Natasha Ickes: Actually, someone paid for mine a few days ago, which is super sweet.
• 26:58
  Natasha Ickes: But yeah, just finding little ways to be kind and to touch others, I think, is something that we need to do, um, if not daily, at least weekly.
• 27:06
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 27:07
  Khalila McCoy: Now, how did you get into that space where you were going to like taught you said talking to kids and things like that?
• 27:13
  Khalila McCoy: Was that something that someone asked you to do and you realized, oh, hey, I'm actually good at this, or did you pursue it on your own?
• 27:20
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I am so shy.
• 27:23
  Natasha Ickes: And people don't believe it, but I'm like, really, I was gonna say, honey, I breaks into a sweat.
• 27:27
  Natasha Ickes: I'm gonna keep this hair here in case I get any little rings so you can see it.
• 27:31
  Natasha Ickes: I get overwhelmed, you know.
• 27:34
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 27:35
  Natasha Ickes: But what happened was during COVID, so after my daughter's father ended up another long uh, we were married for 10 years, we had our son and just traveling the world, all these great things, right?
• 27:48
  Natasha Ickes: So I was blessed that during COVID and thankfully had a savings during COVID, had to close down the salon because you know California was super, super strict during COVID and the shutdowns.
• 27:59
  Natasha Ickes: So, and then I personally know people who pass from COVID.
• 28:02
  Natasha Ickes: So for me, I wasn't gonna stay open.
• 28:04
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, let me just respect what's going on and try and protect people the best that I can.
• 28:09
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 28:09
  Natasha Ickes: But because I am like a squirrel and my brain is like, oh, there's this and that.
• 28:15
  Natasha Ickes: So I don't know how to sit still.
• 28:17
  Natasha Ickes: So during COVID, I wrote a book and I talked a lot about my journey through childhood and a lot of the things that we touched on today.
• 28:26
  Natasha Ickes: And I really thought it was going to be something just for my kids to know me better when they got older.
• 28:32
  Natasha Ickes: And I didn't expect for it to take off the way that it does.
• 28:36
  Natasha Ickes: And that's why you guys, we have to listen to those little seeds that are planted inside of us.
• 28:41
  Natasha Ickes: That like little whisper that's telling you to do something and fear is getting in the way.
• 28:46
  Natasha Ickes: We have to act on that.
• 28:48
  Natasha Ickes: So, writing that book, putting it out there, I started being invited to speak.
• 28:53
  Natasha Ickes: And I traveled, I've done four TEDx talks with some in Zimbabwe in LA and New York and Wow.
• 29:01
  Natasha Ickes: Oh, yeah, yeah, all over the place.
• 29:03
  Natasha Ickes: And so from that, I would get invitations to different speaking engagements and yeah, things like that.
• 29:08
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 29:08
  Natasha Ickes: And what's the title of your book?
• 29:10
  Natasha Ickes: It's called Oh, it's not even this one.
• 29:12
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, do I have my other one in here?
• 29:14
  Natasha Ickes: I don't, but it's called Overcoming.
• 29:17
  Natasha Ickes: And my last name is so unique that when you put a Natasha Igas, you'll see it.
• 29:22
  Natasha Ickes: Um, Overcoming a Journey from Pain to Peace, Purpose, and Power.
• 29:26
  Natasha Ickes: And yeah.
• 29:27
  Natasha Ickes: And then even this one came out recently.
• 29:29
  Natasha Ickes: I'm in a master's program and to become a therapist.
• 29:33
  Natasha Ickes: And throughout it, I've been looking at it really through like an equity-informed and culturally aware lens.
• 29:39
  Natasha Ickes: And I've been really studying racial battle fatigue and the psychological impact of being black in America.
• 29:46
  Natasha Ickes: And so this book talks a lot about the resilience that we have and the tools that are at our disposal that we can use now to heal ourselves, to heal our families, and to heal our communities.
• 29:58
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 29:59
  Khalila McCoy: And that this, since we're audio only, what's the name of your book?
• 30:02
  Natasha Ickes: Oh, okay.
• 30:03
  Natasha Ickes: I didn't realize that you can't see.
• 30:04
  Natasha Ickes: Okay.
• 30:05
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 30:06
  Khalila McCoy: I can see, but the listeners won't be able to see.
• 30:08
  Natasha Ickes: Okay, okay, cool, cool.
• 30:09
  Natasha Ickes: Healing while black, ancient wisdom, modern psychology, and the science of healing.
• 30:15
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 30:15
  Khalila McCoy: And I had seen when I first talked to you, I think I had you had mentioned you were either finishing that up or had finished it.
• 30:22
  Khalila McCoy: So I hadn't I knew about that book.
• 30:24
  Khalila McCoy: I didn't know about overcoming.
• 30:26
  Khalila McCoy: So that's pretty cool.
• 30:28
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, that was the one that really, and even how like just have you ever read The Alchemist?
• 30:34
  Khalila McCoy: No.
• 30:34
  Khalila McCoy: Mm-mm.
• 30:34
  Khalila McCoy: I've heard about it though.
• 30:36
  Natasha Ickes: Oh, girl.
• 30:36
  Natasha Ickes: Another life-changing book.
• 30:38
  Khalila McCoy: Like, yeah, a couple of guests I've had have said I need to read that.
• 30:41
  Khalila McCoy: So it's on my list.
• 30:42
  Natasha Ickes: It is like the most simple yet most profound book I've ever read by far.
• 30:47
  Natasha Ickes: And it just talks about like following your purpose, following your spirit, following those little nudges and just trusting the journey along the way and not giving up.
• 30:58
  Natasha Ickes: And that's kind of what that first book felt like.
• 31:01
  Natasha Ickes: Because had COVID not happened, I wouldn't have written the book, right?
• 31:04
  Natasha Ickes: If I would have not, because I wasn't going to release it on Amazon.
• 31:07
  Natasha Ickes: It was really just a thing to have done.
• 31:10
  Natasha Ickes: And taking the steps and putting it out there really was life-changing.
• 31:15
  Natasha Ickes: Cause I never would have imagined that I'd be speaking on a stage in Zimbabwe with my son in the audience watching me.
• 31:21
  Natasha Ickes: Like I just would have never considered it.
• 31:23
  Natasha Ickes: I don't think it, I would have gone back to school, right?
• 31:25
  Natasha Ickes: So it's like you have to take the first step.
• 31:27
  Natasha Ickes: Know what you want to do and don't worry about the how.
• 31:31
  Natasha Ickes: Because the how will worrying about that will talk you out of your destiny.
• 31:36
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 31:36
  Khalila McCoy: And then you have a third book, right?
• 31:41
  Natasha Ickes: Oh no.
• 31:41
  Natasha Ickes: Well, okay.
• 31:42
  Natasha Ickes: I've done quite a few anthologies.
• 31:44
  Natasha Ickes: So the third book that I just released, I didn't even write in it.
• 31:48
  Natasha Ickes: And it's really, it's called Unbreakable.
• 31:50
  Natasha Ickes: And it's black women's stories, right?
• 31:53
  Natasha Ickes: It's just highlighting the strength that we carry.
• 31:56
  Natasha Ickes: Everybody has strength, but right now my focus has been on highlighting, especially with the current political climate and what we're dealing with in this kind of push towards an erasure of our history, right?
• 32:09
  Natasha Ickes: I'm like, I want to highlight black women's stories of strength and resilience and courage.
• 32:15
  Natasha Ickes: And so my youngest author was 12 years old.
• 32:19
  Natasha Ickes: I had, yeah, yeah.
• 32:20
  Natasha Ickes: And it's just the first go-round.
• 32:22
  Natasha Ickes: I had a mother-daughter pair where one had um rescued her daughter from a sex trafficking ring.
• 32:27
  Natasha Ickes: So you hear the stories from the mother's perspective and from the child who was rescued.
• 32:31
  Natasha Ickes: So yeah, it's just about amplifying other people's voices.
• 32:35
  Khalila McCoy: Voices.
• 32:35
  Khalila McCoy: I love that.
• 32:37
  Khalila McCoy: And you said this was the first one.
• 32:38
  Khalila McCoy: So are you planning to do like a series?
• 32:41
  Natasha Ickes: I am.
• 32:42
  Natasha Ickes: I am because this was so organic.
• 32:44
  Natasha Ickes: I never posted about it.
• 32:45
  Natasha Ickes: I just had a conversation and it led to these other end up with 10 women who wanted to share their story.
• 32:51
  Natasha Ickes: So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna actually post about it and open up the opportunity.
• 32:56
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm hoping within the next month I can start getting some people enrolled and ready to go for version number two.
• 33:03
  Khalila McCoy: Look at you, Miss, I'm shy.
• 33:05
  Khalila McCoy: Changing the world.
• 33:07
  Khalila McCoy: Well, like you said, you're following your passion, you're following your purpose.
• 33:13
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm sure it gives you some type of, you know, boldness to say, like, I know this is needed and I'm gonna do what I can.
• 33:20
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 33:20
  Natasha Ickes: And then and it's not about me.
• 33:22
  Natasha Ickes: You know, even when I saw the first TED TEDx talk I did, I was terrified.
• 33:28
  Natasha Ickes: And I remember telling the speaker coach they had for all of us, I said, you know, uh, for one, I don't have a history with like speaking, right?
• 33:35
  Natasha Ickes: I don't have this long trajectory.
• 33:37
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm coming in here and I'm literally speaking next to people that are physicians and lawyers.
• 33:44
  Natasha Ickes: And here I am at the time, I think I just had my AA degree, didn't even have my bachelor's yet, right?
• 33:50
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm like, I felt very small compared to the people that I was around.
• 33:55
  Natasha Ickes: And she told me, she was like, Yeah, it's it's not about you.
• 33:59
  Natasha Ickes: And it helped me a lot.
• 34:00
  Natasha Ickes: She's like, it's about who your story can touch.
• 34:03
  Natasha Ickes: And they will touch people that you won't, and you will touch people that they won't.
• 34:07
  Natasha Ickes: And that is okay, right?
• 34:08
  Natasha Ickes: As long as you're authentic and open and honest, then that you're doing your job.
• 34:13
  Natasha Ickes: And yeah, and I had people reaching out to me afterwards.
• 34:16
  Natasha Ickes: One woman said she was on the verge of committing suicide.
• 34:19
  Natasha Ickes: And she came across, not even my TED talk, but a post I did on social media, and she was like, literally, I went in my closet and cried.
• 34:27
  Natasha Ickes: And I realized that there is something more that I'm on this earth to do.
• 34:31
  Natasha Ickes: And so moments like that are like if I touch nobody else, that is enough.
• 34:35
  Khalila McCoy: That one woman, yes.
• 34:37
  Natasha Ickes: That one is enough.
• 34:38
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 34:40
  Khalila McCoy: Real briefly, if you don't mind, let's just talk about you and your children a little bit.
• 34:45
  Khalila McCoy: Because I know you talked about how excited you were to be a mom and how you wanted to give them everything that you felt like you couldn't have.
• 34:52
  Khalila McCoy: And you've already shared that your daughter's doing hair with you, your son's in the crowd with you, and he's seeing, you know, you still growing and still following your passion.
• 35:01
  Khalila McCoy: Just share a little bit what that means to you and you know what it's like having them along on this journey with you.
• 35:08
  Natasha Ickes: It is hands down the best part of my life.
• 35:10
  Natasha Ickes: So if you're with me on social media, you will see my kids literally all the time, right?
• 35:16
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 35:17
  Natasha Ickes: It's just the most beautiful experience to be able to pour into my children and to also get that love back.
• 35:24
  Natasha Ickes: And so my daughter is not had, she told me yesterday, because she's about to be 19, and she was like, I'm not leaving here anytime soon.
• 35:32
  Natasha Ickes: And she's doing great things.
• 35:36
  Natasha Ickes: She's a licensed CNA, a licensed phlebotomist.
• 35:38
  Natasha Ickes: She hasn't even graduated a full year.
• 35:40
  Natasha Ickes: She is a gymnastics coach, right?
• 35:42
  Natasha Ickes: She's on this competitive cheer team where they're winning literally the biggest competitions in the world.
• 35:48
  Natasha Ickes: They've beaten out Japan and China and the UK.
• 35:51
  Natasha Ickes: She is doing amazing things, but she wants to do it from the safety of home because I am her rock, and that is a beautiful thing.
• 35:59
  Natasha Ickes: And then my son, also, literally my best friend, I always tell him, I thank God for giving you to me.
• 36:06
  Natasha Ickes: You know, he could have entrusted anybody with your precious little soul, but the fact that he gave you to me was the biggest gift I ever could have had.
• 36:14
  Natasha Ickes: And so, yes, it has been the most amazing journey, um, absolute highlight of my life.
• 36:21
  Khalila McCoy: What are some of your hopes for their future?
• 36:25
  Natasha Ickes: So I've been very careful to never push my any specific desires other than they're happy, they're healthy, and that they live up to their full potential.
• 36:36
  Natasha Ickes: And they know from the conversations we have that that means that you are reaching out, that you're helping other people.
• 36:43
  Natasha Ickes: I already get emails from my son's school, multiple ones, about him stopping, you know, stepping in when somebody was being bullied.
• 36:49
  Natasha Ickes: Things I remember one time I got this email and I told him what it said.
• 36:52
  Natasha Ickes: He didn't even remember the incident because it's just how I've trained him to be.
• 36:56
  Natasha Ickes: But I was like, but they remember because the parents are emailing me about it.
• 37:00
  Natasha Ickes: So really, it's just about explore, try new things, live a wonderful life, find love, find joy, and just enjoy the journey as much as you can.
• 37:11
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I like that a lot.
• 37:14
  Khalila McCoy: What do you feel like?
• 37:15
  Khalila McCoy: Because when I first met you through Facebook and you told me like a very small part of your story, right?
• 37:21
  Khalila McCoy: And you know, it's like, oh, I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
• 37:24
  Khalila McCoy: And you're like, I appreciate that, but I've learned so much from it and you know, it it led me to where I am today.
• 37:31
  Khalila McCoy: What do you feel like is the thing that you constantly go back to for yourself as you go through, you know, as you're continuing on and reaching towards a new goal?
• 37:42
  Natasha Ickes: I think for me, the two things are one growth.
• 37:45
  Natasha Ickes: And so I don't I try to focus more on growth than on the outcome, right?
• 37:49
  Natasha Ickes: So it's like, because if I get too tied to a specific outcome for one, I may miss the little diversions, right?
• 37:55
  Natasha Ickes: If I was only stuck on the salon, maybe I wouldn't have written the book, right?
• 37:58
  Natasha Ickes: But and it wasn't about, I had no idea it would lead to this, but really just being open and trusting where God is taking me on this journey and my faith, just faith in the way it's gonna unfold, faith that when things don't work out how I hope they would, that something better is coming.
• 38:15
  Natasha Ickes: And that allows me to balance being human and having really hard moments and crying and being devastated, but giving myself a time limit.
• 38:24
  Natasha Ickes: I'm gonna give myself two days, and after that, I'm about to get up and get back to work and just trust that something else even better is waiting for me.
• 38:32
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 38:32
  Khalila McCoy: Do you have a list of goals that you're working towards right now?
• 38:35
  Khalila McCoy: Or are you kind of just in the phase of seeing what comes from what you've started currently?
• 38:40
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I do one or two, and they've mainly they've shifted.
• 38:44
  Natasha Ickes: So when I first started this journey, and so I started meeting people that were speaking at conferences, regularly making 10 to 18,000, $20,000 per speaking engagement.
• 38:54
  Natasha Ickes: And in my mind, I'm like, whoa, I'm working a lot of hours to make that type of, you know, like I can't get that in an hour.
• 39:01
  Natasha Ickes: So I was like, this is what I want to do, right?
• 39:04
  Natasha Ickes: Like get on the stage, baby.
• 39:05
  Natasha Ickes: 5,000 is enough money.
• 39:07
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 39:10
  Natasha Ickes: Girl 1,500, I'll take it.
• 39:12
  Natasha Ickes: No.
• 39:12
  Natasha Ickes: And so I did find some, like, I, but not anywhere at that level, but like 12, 1,500 here or there, but never was able to break into um what my friends were able to do.
• 39:25
  Natasha Ickes: And I had this like frustration, right?
• 39:28
  Natasha Ickes: This like, I'm working so hard, I'm investing in the mentors.
• 39:31
  Natasha Ickes: And why is it not working for me?
• 39:33
  Natasha Ickes: And then I had to remind myself of what we just talked about.
• 39:36
  Natasha Ickes: Everybody's on their own path.
• 39:38
  Natasha Ickes: And I can't compare mine to someone else's.
• 39:40
  Natasha Ickes: So I said, let me go back to who I am.
• 39:43
  Natasha Ickes: I like to help, right?
• 39:44
  Natasha Ickes: And I do love the salon, but I do, you know, being physical, being on your feet all the time, I do need a backup.
• 39:50
  Natasha Ickes: So I'm like, let me go into becoming a licensed therapist, which is my next big goal.
• 39:54
  Natasha Ickes: So I'm halfway through my master's program and then I can make hours and I can get licensed.
• 40:00
  Natasha Ickes: So that's what I'm doing.
• 40:01
  Natasha Ickes: I wrote my book, right?
• 40:02
  Natasha Ickes: Because that's kind of the direction that I'm going.
• 40:05
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm still speaking.
• 40:07
  Natasha Ickes: I travel for a conference in a few weeks, but I'm just allowing it to unfold as it's meant to.
• 40:14
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 40:15
  Khalila McCoy: Now, do you know yet?
• 40:17
  Khalila McCoy: Um, I don't know that much about the therapy as a profession, but I know there's like, you know, like marriage or children or family.
• 40:24
  Khalila McCoy: Like, is there a focus that you have?
• 40:26
  Khalila McCoy: Are you still figuring that part out?
• 40:28
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I'm still figuring that part out.
• 40:30
  Natasha Ickes: I'm in a marriage and family therapy program, but we're trained on everything from group therapy.
• 40:35
  Natasha Ickes: I will say I had no idea it takes this much.
• 40:38
  Natasha Ickes: Like your BA, then your master's, then 3,000 clinical hours until you can even take your test.
• 40:45
  Natasha Ickes: So there's I mean, people spend 10 years easily on this journey, but that's encompassing all of the school and everything.
• 40:52
  Natasha Ickes: Right.
• 40:52
  Natasha Ickes: So I feel like where I would be strongest would be like middle school, high school, maybe even with children, but it it can trigger me, right?
• 41:02
  Natasha Ickes: I just that's where my tears come up every time.
• 41:05
  Natasha Ickes: I I know the feeling so strongly.
• 41:07
  Natasha Ickes: So I feel like middle, high school, young adulthood, because I want to get in early to help them shift that mindset to where it's like you can do hard and amazing and wonderful things despite what you've been through.
• 41:21
  Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
• 41:22
  Natasha Ickes: Good.
• 41:23
  Khalila McCoy: Now, before we go, I know we talked about this kind of earlier on in your journey, being homeless.
• 41:28
  Khalila McCoy: And you, I know you work with people who are homeless with haircuts and things like that.
• 41:33
  Khalila McCoy: Um, for me, I have a big heart for, you know, just people who, you know, you're seeing them out there and you don't know their story.
• 41:40
  Khalila McCoy: And, you know, there's all this judgment a lot of times of why they're there or what they should be doing instead of being out there on the streets.
• 41:47
  Khalila McCoy: But if you could share something just about your experience of being homeless or maybe like the people that you meet to help people kind of really understand what that life is like.
• 41:57
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, I mean, part of what I would say is you never know somebody's story, right?
• 42:02
  Natasha Ickes: So exactly what you're doing.
• 42:04
  Natasha Ickes: If you're curious about somebody, talk to them.
• 42:07
  Natasha Ickes: You know, have a conversation.
• 42:08
  Natasha Ickes: There, it's such a wide range, right?
• 42:10
  Natasha Ickes: Like even when I was unhoused and homeless, nobody knew, right?
• 42:14
  Natasha Ickes: You wouldn't look at me and tell I wasn't sitting down with a cup, I wasn't on the ground with a blanket.
• 42:18
  Natasha Ickes: I still went to work.
• 42:19
  Natasha Ickes: I had all of my belongings in a backpack.
• 42:22
  Natasha Ickes: And you would have never known how much I was going through, right?
• 42:26
  Natasha Ickes: Outside of the fact that I was like unhealthily skinny because I was surviving off like a dollar fifty a day bag of French fries.
• 42:32
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 42:32
  Natasha Ickes: But just not everybody, be glad that it's not you if you can help in any small way do so.
• 42:38
  Natasha Ickes: You know, there was one time I was in this store, it was like a Starbucks, and this man is like spazzing out.
• 42:44
  Natasha Ickes: He's homeless and he's angry because he wants to use the bathroom and they won't let him, and everybody's scared of him.
• 42:49
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm like, you're still a human being.
• 42:51
  Natasha Ickes: I walked up to him and I'm like, can I buy you something to eat?
• 42:54
  Natasha Ickes: Can I get you something to drink?
• 42:55
  Natasha Ickes: And he literally like stopped and he was like, Yes, I'm sorry.
• 43:00
  Natasha Ickes: I'm just so frustrated.
• 43:02
  Natasha Ickes: And I'm like, I know, I know, I get it.
• 43:06
  Natasha Ickes: You know, so it's just don't assume that, you know, people's circumstances, some it's mental health, some it's addiction.
• 43:14
  Natasha Ickes: Uh, some people want to be out there, which is true.
• 43:17
  Natasha Ickes: There's some people that are just not in the right space of mind, and they literally choose that lifestyle.
• 43:22
  Natasha Ickes: But don't worry about what they're doing.
• 43:23
  Natasha Ickes: My last thing I'll say about is my grandpa used to say, because he would give people, you know, money.
• 43:28
  Natasha Ickes: And my grandma would say, Well, you know, aren't you worried that they're gonna go?
• 43:31
  Natasha Ickes: And she's also big with giving back, but she'd say, Aren't you worried that they're gonna go spin it on drugs?
• 43:35
  Natasha Ickes: He's like, That's not my responsibility.
• 43:38
  Natasha Ickes: That's not my concern.
• 43:39
  Natasha Ickes: If I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give.
• 43:40
  Natasha Ickes: And if I'm not, I'm not.
• 43:41
  Natasha Ickes: So when you choose to give back, do it with an open, loving heart and don't worry about the rest.
• 43:47
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 43:47
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I agree with that.
• 43:49
  Khalila McCoy: My dad is from New York City and he I, you know, he's used to seeing people in different situations.
• 43:55
  Khalila McCoy: So I think I get a lot of that from him.
• 43:58
  Khalila McCoy: So I remember growing up in the car, he would.
• 43:59
  Khalila McCoy: Give you know people money, or he would say, you know, like let me take you.
• 44:03
  Khalila McCoy: There's a McDonald's, let's go over there and I'll buy you some food and things like that.
• 44:07
  Khalila McCoy: So just growing up seeing that, I've always kind of had the heart for helping people.
• 44:12
  Khalila McCoy: But same thing that you've said, people are like, oh, well, what if they take the money and do something reckless with it?
• 44:16
  Khalila McCoy: It's like, well, you know, when you give them the money, you talk to them and you hope for the best and they have to make those decisions.
• 44:22
  Natasha Ickes: So well, and what you said, there's other ways, right?
• 44:24
  Natasha Ickes: Food, water, services, you know.
• 44:27
  Natasha Ickes: We have mobile showers that come around out here so that they can get clean and wash their clothes.
• 44:32
  Natasha Ickes: There's so you can donate to an organization like that that you know is actually so that the money is not going towards the wrong things, right?
• 44:39
  Natasha Ickes: There's so many ways to give back.
• 44:41
  Natasha Ickes: Yes.
• 44:43
  Khalila McCoy: Well, from hearing everything that you've shared today, I know you've given me a lot to think through and my listeners as well.
• 44:50
  Khalila McCoy: What would be your takeaway that you hope that people really listened to and caught on to that could help them rise in their own life?
• 44:58
  Natasha Ickes: That it's never too late.
• 45:00
  Natasha Ickes: I one of my favorite lines from one of the TED talks was something along the lines of like, we're never beyond redemption.
• 45:06
  Natasha Ickes: I think it's so easy to get stuck on a mistake, to get stuck on a divorce or being fired or dropped from a program or whatever these things that have happened, and realizing that as long as you have breath in your body, you can keep moving forward and you can create something so incredibly beautiful in your life.
• 45:27
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 45:28
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you for that.
• 45:29
  Khalila McCoy: Well, I really appreciate, like I said, your time and hearing what you've had to share.
• 45:34
  Khalila McCoy: You mentioned social media.
• 45:35
  Khalila McCoy: Where can my listeners find you to follow you on social media?
• 45:39
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 45:39
  Natasha Ickes: So my lat Natasha's my first name, last name, I C K-E-S, and it's that across every platform.
• 45:46
  Natasha Ickes: Facebook, I love because I want to actually see you and read what you're thinking about and see the pictures of your kids.
• 45:52
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah.
• 45:53
  Natasha Ickes: It might be an age thing, but I love Facebook still.
• 45:56
  Natasha Ickes: But I'm also on Instagram and I'm on TikTok.
• 45:58
  Natasha Ickes: So any of those, uh, let's connect.
• 46:01
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 46:01
  Khalila McCoy: And I will put all three of your books in our show notes as well.
• 46:05
  Khalila McCoy: So our listeners can find those as well.
• 46:07
  Khalila McCoy: And I'm excited.
• 46:08
  Khalila McCoy: I want to check out your latest book with the different stories in it and then see how that series grows.
• 46:14
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm excited for all the things you're doing.
• 46:16
  Khalila McCoy: And I wish you the best of luck as you finish out your schooling as well.
• 46:20
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
• 46:21
  Khalila McCoy: It was such a wonderful conversation.
• 46:23
  Natasha Ickes: Thank you so much for having me.
• 46:24
  Natasha Ickes: Yeah, definitely.
• 46:28
  Khalila McCoy: So I know this is my podcast, and I might be a little biased, but I really loved this episode.
• 46:35
  Khalila McCoy: Natasha had me grinning ear to ear.
• 46:37
  Khalila McCoy: And as you heard, she also had me shedding a few tears.
• 46:41
  Khalila McCoy: The way she turned her life around gave me so much hope for anyone out there who might be struggling right now.
• 46:48
  Khalila McCoy: Her story is proof that transformation is possible even when the starting point feels like something is missing.
• 46:55
  Khalila McCoy: What really stayed with me is her compassion, the kind that makes you believe in people again.
• 47:02
  Khalila McCoy: The way she chooses to see others and write their stories, the way she teaches her kids to look for the best in people, and the way she shows up for her community is the kind of energy that makes you hopeful for the future.
• 47:15
  Khalila McCoy: Natasha had so many nuggets of wisdom that I wrote down.
• 47:19
  Khalila McCoy: Take a little time to reflect on what she shared today and find your own way to rise and lift up the people around you.
• 47:26
  Khalila McCoy: If you want to hear more from her, I linked her three books in the show notes along with her TED Talk.
• 47:31
  Khalila McCoy: Please take a moment to listen to that TED Talk.
• 47:34
  Khalila McCoy: She did such a good job.
• 47:35
  Khalila McCoy: As we wrap up our time today, I hope you're leaving feeling inspired and empowered.
• 47:41
  Khalila McCoy: If you are in the middle of your own transformation, I am cheering you on and encouraging you to keep pushing through.
• 47:48
  Khalila McCoy: It might not be easy, but it is possible.
• 47:52
  Khalila McCoy: And if you're in a good space right now, keep making room for those who might need a little extra love and a little extra support.
• 48:00
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you, Natasha, for sharing your story and for everything you do for others.
• 48:05
  Khalila McCoy: And thank you, friend, for joining me for this conversation.
• 48:09
  Khalila McCoy: As you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to notice.
• 48:21
  Khalila McCoy: I'll meet you back here next time.
• 48:24
  Khalila McCoy: See ya bye.