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Mother's Day: Strategies to Navigate with Agency and Self-Compassion · Love and Science Fertility

• 0:31
  Erica Bove: Hello, my loves, it's me, Dr.
• 0:33
  Erica Bove: Erica Bove, and welcome back to the Love and Science podcast.
• 0:37
  Erica Bove: This week's episode is in honor of Mother's Day, and I just wanted to say Mother's Day can be so very complex for so many reasons, and even more so if we're on the fertility journey.
• 0:50
  Erica Bove: So before I get into what I have to share with you today, I really just want us all to give ourselves grace, wherever we are, whatever our path is at this point in time.
• 1:04
  Erica Bove: Maybe we are trying to get pregnant right now, maybe we're trying to grow our family, maybe we've taken a pause in our fertility treatments, maybe we've had a loss and mother's day is a day of grieving.
• 1:17
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's a combination of the above, and also maybe perhaps we have a complicated relationship with our own mother, which can make it harder now.
• 1:28
  Erica Bove: As an aside, I will say I'm fortunate that I do not have a complicated relationship, but I do know many people who are in that boat right now and just knowing that Mother's Day is on the calendar, it can be a reminder of the good things if there are good things in our journey, but it can also be a reminder of the pain points and the grief, and my goal is to help us all to honor all those things, because we are our most authentic selves when we are actually able to hold all of the things the good, the bad, the sad, the painful, the joyful all in one whole, and that's when we're most integrated.
• 2:08
  Erica Bove: So I think that the expectations of what Mother's Day should be get us into a lot of trouble, and my hope is really to provide a coaching framework for how we can think about the approaching quote unquote holiday.
• 2:22
  Erica Bove: As I will say, it's kind of a Hallmark holiday.
• 2:23
  Erica Bove: I think that part of what I want to share is how we can handle triggers as they come up, how we can prevent some triggers, how we can handle triggers in the moment, and also how we can also look if we've gotten triggered, how we can look back on that and think about how we want to move forward.
• 2:44
  Erica Bove: So my main question, as we think about this next time we have together, is how am I approaching this Mother's Day?
• 2:52
  Erica Bove: So when this will air, it'll be three days before Mother's Day and, if you're like me, already just having that date on my calendar brings up some emotions.
• 3:02
  Erica Bove: Perhaps it's dread, perhaps it's anticipation, perhaps it's regret, grief, sadness, fear.
• 3:10
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's uncertainty, maybe you're in the fertility process and you're recently pregnant, but you're just sort of like is this going to continue?
• 3:20
  Erica Bove: Is it going to be okay?
• 3:20
  Erica Bove: I've gone through so much.
• 3:21
  Erica Bove: I think that we're at all different points in the journey, and being a mother, being a child, being on this earth has so much to do with who we are as people, our identities, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, all of it.
• 3:39
  Erica Bove: So just ask yourself that question how am I approaching this Mother's Day and what is the soup of emotions?
• 3:45
  Erica Bove: If you will, that is kind of guiding my steps towards this weekend.
• 3:51
  Erica Bove: So we ask ourselves how do I feel about this currently?
• 3:56
  Erica Bove: Just take a moment, jot some things down, if you can.
• 4:00
  Erica Bove: If you're driving, please don't do that, but it's just a good exercise to think about.
• 4:04
  Erica Bove: Whenever I start to think about my feelings, I usually think I might have like one or two or three, and sometimes I end up with like 10 or 15.
• 4:12
  Erica Bove: Sometimes I even notice that if I have one feeling that I think is my main feeling, there are actually three softer feelings behind that.
• 4:20
  Erica Bove: So maybe I feel anger, but maybe behind that is disappointment, sadness, grief, all those things which are just as real as the anger, but they're a little bit more vulnerable and so sometimes it takes me a little bit to identify those.
• 4:35
  Erica Bove: So just write down the soup of emotions you feel.
• 4:38
  Erica Bove: And in coaching, what I learned in my wonderful coaching school is that our feelings are actually not automatic reflexes.
• 4:47
  Erica Bove: They are stemming from the thoughts and the beliefs the deep-seated beliefs we have about ourselves, stemming from the thoughts and the beliefs the deep-seated beliefs we have about ourselves.
• 5:00
  Erica Bove: So typically, when we have a feeling, especially a strong feeling, there's a thought that precedes that feeling.
• 5:02
  Erica Bove: So you know, if I have complicated feelings about Mother's Day approaching, I might think okay, well, what are my thoughts?
• 5:09
  Erica Bove: Perhaps it's I should be a mother by now.
• 5:11
  Erica Bove: Or maybe you already have a kid but you're having a hard time at having a second or third kid and you think I should be able to grow my family.
• 5:20
  Erica Bove: Or maybe it's a thought.
• 5:22
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's just not going to happen for me and that can create a lot of fear and anxiety Other thoughts that are possible my life is meaningless, and this is just another reminder that I haven't yet become a mother and that was my number one goal in life.
• 5:38
  Erica Bove: So all these things you can see from each of these thoughts and there are just so many more, right.
• 5:42
  Erica Bove: But those are a few examples that when we think those thoughts, they lead to a feeling.
• 5:49
  Erica Bove: Those feelings lead to a set of actions.
• 5:52
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's ruminating, maybe it's self-deprecation, maybe it's criticism, maybe it's blaming ourselves.
• 6:01
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's catastrophizing.
• 6:03
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's going into the pantry and eating more than we're hungry for.
• 6:10
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's going on to our favorite shopping website and buying a bunch of clothes.
• 6:15
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's working a little bit more staying at work that's one of my favorites staying at work and just working until the night, because it's easier to work than to feel the feelings.
• 6:23
  Erica Bove: But just if you can take a moment and think about how you're feeling in your body and what thoughts are leading to those feelings, it can really provide some clarity, because then we can gently start to ask the question well, is that how I want to feel about it, and is that kind of how I want to be thinking about it?
• 6:43
  Erica Bove: Sometimes our thoughts seem automatic, but sometimes they seem automatic just because we've had them so many times and they're the path of least resistance.
• 6:51
  Erica Bove: So what the coaching lens would say is how do I want to feel about it?
• 6:58
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's peaceful, maybe it's trusting, maybe it's assured, authentic, aligned, maybe even empowered I'm not sure Empowered is a little stretch for me for Mother's Day.
• 7:11
  Erica Bove: I'm a divorced person and I have some complicated feelings around mother's day.
• 7:15
  Erica Bove: So you know it's I think I feel for me personally.
• 7:20
  Erica Bove: You know my mother is doing well in this world and I'm very grateful for her, so I have a lot of gratitude on mother's day.
• 7:28
  Erica Bove: I think about all the ancestors who went before her, and my father's mother and her mother and all of the mothers that have really you, I toiled and worked and loved and sacrificed so that I can enjoy this life that I have today.
• 7:48
  Erica Bove: And maybe they didn't think that specifically, but I think about it as I think about my labors of love in my own life and even thinking about mothering more broadly.
• 7:59
  Erica Bove: Like what nurturing energy do I give to the world?
• 8:02
  Erica Bove: As a fertility specialist, I think about this all the time in terms of, you know, nurturing my patients, nurturing my clients, how am I bringing that feminine divine you know into the world through me, as I am a vessel?
• 8:16
  Erica Bove: Like those are the things I think about.
• 8:18
  Erica Bove: But you know, is there any gratitude I can have on Mother's Day for the mothers and the mothering energy that is in my life right now and you know, and also, at the same time, honoring those pain points that can be a little bit more complicated.
• 8:32
  Erica Bove: So, you know, say I want to feel peaceful about Mother's Day.
• 8:36
  Erica Bove: What thoughts would make me feel this way?
• 8:39
  Erica Bove: And I will tell you, it's not like avoiding or completely disavowing the things that are more complex, it's actually just the opposite.
• 8:48
  Erica Bove: It's usually something like you know, I love this one, I'm doing my best.
• 8:52
  Erica Bove: I love that thought because it is true, even though sometimes I don't admit it or something like I can be disappointed that this hasn't happened already and also decide that this day won't steal my joy Like something that honors that complexity but also sort of welcomes the nuance that there are some darker, maybe more tainted emotions that happen.
• 9:13
  Erica Bove: You know, if it's trusting, maybe we take a step back and look at the overall fertility journey and just say you know what?
• 9:19
  Erica Bove: I know it hasn't happened yet, but I'm on a path and I really do trust that this is gonna happen when it is meant to.
• 9:27
  Erica Bove: Or maybe, you know, I trust that I will become a parent one way or another.
• 9:33
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's not my strong plan A, but I really do trust that I have all this love to give and that if I stay the course, if I trust my REI, you know there will be a way, even if it's not how I initially pictured it.
• 9:48
  Erica Bove: Someone important to me in my life right now is on the list for adoption and she and her husband are patiently awaiting a child, and that's.
• 9:58
  Erica Bove: I hope and pray that that will be their pathway to parenthood.
• 10:01
  Erica Bove: Or maybe it's something even different than that, we don't know.
• 10:05
  Erica Bove: But what I do know is that when we are open to the possibilities, that's when things happen, and that's when things happen beyond our, you know, greatest belief and even greatest, beyond our wildest dreams and expectations.
• 10:21
  Erica Bove: So, thinking about how we want to feel about this day, what we realize is that when we can tune in and notice how we're thinking about things, we can notice how we're feeling about things.
• 10:31
  Erica Bove: We get to choose.
• 10:33
  Erica Bove: Is that thought serving us?
• 10:34
  Erica Bove: Is that feeling how I want to feel?
• 10:37
  Erica Bove: Or do I need to even make like a 1% shift and, you know, change how I feel about this day and change how I feel about this day.
• 10:49
  Erica Bove: Now, one thing I've learned is to keep my expectations low for days like Mother's Day, father's Day, valentine's Day.
• 10:54
  Erica Bove: That doesn't mean that we go all out for our important people.
• 10:57
  Erica Bove: That certainly can be what we do on those days.
• 11:02
  Erica Bove: But when it comes to what do I expect to receive, what do I expect to experience or feel, that gets me into trouble.
• 11:15
  Erica Bove: I share that from many years of experience, and so I try to hope it's a good day.
• 11:21
  Erica Bove: I mean it's a Sunday.
• 11:22
  Erica Bove: There are ways that I enjoy my Sundays, independent of anything related to Mother's Day or mothering or any of that energy.
• 11:32
  Erica Bove: But I also think that just saying I'm gonna make some parts of this good, I'm going to intentionally choose joy and I'm gonna honor my complicated feelings.
• 11:45
  Erica Bove: I really think that's the best path forward.
• 11:48
  Erica Bove: But try not to have lofty expectations.
• 11:51
  Erica Bove: In my experience, that is kind of a recipe for feeling really crummy on Sunday evening.
• 11:56
  Erica Bove: Other thoughts.
• 11:58
  Erica Bove: So these are things I've also learned from a lot of experience.
• 12:02
  Erica Bove: Try to stay off social media.
• 12:03
  Erica Bove: I think social media can be so darn triggering.
• 12:06
  Erica Bove: Everyone's posting pictures of their children or whatever lofty thoughts they want to share on that day.
• 12:13
  Erica Bove: Social media is the top 5%.
• 12:17
  Erica Bove: My sister and I have this little game where we say what I would post on social media and what I'm actually thinking right now and we haven't done in a while.
• 12:24
  Erica Bove: We should probably revisit it because it was just so very validating.
• 12:27
  Erica Bove: But I think that when we think about those things like what is the top 5% that I would sort of share to the world, or even what could be filtered of my thoughts so that people will think of me a certain way, like that is what I might post to be very honest and transparent.
• 12:45
  Erica Bove: But that's also what other people are posting and that's why there are data that when we spend time on social media, we leave more depressed and anxious than when we started, because it's that comparitis thing, like we're comparing ourselves to other people.
• 12:59
  Erica Bove: We're reminded of what we think that we lack, and it's's just, it's a recipe for disaster.
• 13:06
  Erica Bove: So if you do decide to go on social media, really contain it.
• 13:09
  Erica Bove: You've heard me say this before, but personally I try to stay off social media that day because I just know it's gonna open up some wounds, and wounds that I really don't feel like opening up on that day or ever really.
• 13:21
  Erica Bove: But that's my advice.
• 13:23
  Erica Bove: I would also say you know, do something to put a vote in the direction of your future self as a mother.
• 13:29
  Erica Bove: So, whether it's a mantra, I love mantras like I'm on the path, I trust the process.
• 13:35
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's a ritual, like maybe you plant some wildflower seeds because you're honoring the circle of life and the potential for new life.
• 13:45
  Erica Bove: I've heard of some mothers if they've had a loss, they do something to honor the loss of their little one on that day too, and I think that can be really powerful.
• 13:55
  Erica Bove: So sometimes taking an action with our bodies, with our minds, with our spirits, that honors what we hope for, that honors what we've lost, that honors what we've lost, I think that can go a really long way.
• 14:32
  Erica Bove: So if that speaks to you, just think about that.
• 14:35
  Erica Bove: Maybe do some journaling and think what might really resonate with you and what you need at this time and what would help you to kind of let go of that which controls your thoughts and controls your feelings, and honor all of it.
• 14:53
  Erica Bove: Another piece of advice or suggestion I have is that there are all sorts of mothers in the world.
• 14:58
  Erica Bove: I remember maybe 15 years ago, when I was a OBGYN resident in New York City, there was this older physician I think she must have been in her 70s and I said to her Dr So-and-so, do you have any children?
• 15:12
  Erica Bove: And she said in a thick accent I have many, many children.
• 15:16
  Erica Bove: I have 5,000 children.
• 15:17
  Erica Bove: And then when I learned her story, she and her husband, who was also a physician, never had any biological children of their own.
• 15:26
  Erica Bove: I don't know sort of whether it was by choice or by circumstance, I'm not sure, but she literally said to me I have many, many children.
• 15:34
  Erica Bove: I have at least 5,000 children and I delivered many babies with her.
• 15:39
  Erica Bove: That was a very powerful experience, but she channeled that energy within her.
• 15:44
  Erica Bove: I remember I would write notes, I'd be sitting there at the desk writing notes and she would physically put food into my mouth.
• 15:52
  Erica Bove: So I think of maybe like a mother bird and a baby bird.
• 15:57
  Erica Bove: At that point I was just a little intern, but I think thinking about mothering energy, thinking about how we can have an aunt who is just incredibly nurturing.
• 16:08
  Erica Bove: Even though they didn't give birth to us ourselves, they can be just so full of nurturing and loving.
• 16:14
  Erica Bove: My godmother is that way.
• 16:15
  Erica Bove: She is incredibly nurturing and she mothers so many people in her life and she's not had any biological children.
• 16:23
  Erica Bove: She's raised children.
• 16:24
  Erica Bove: She in many ways raised us with her wonderful lens on life and it just goes to show that that nurturing energy is not necessarily connected to biology, so to speak.
• 16:35
  Erica Bove: I've had patients and clients who tell me about their pets, their dogs and their cats, and they are amazing pet moms and dads and I think that, thinking about you know, sometimes people say, well, maybe this isn't happening because I'm just not a good mom, or I'm not, you know, I wouldn't be a good mother, and maybe that's the universe just making this not happen for me.
• 16:57
  Erica Bove: I think the mind is a dangerous place and I think that sometimes we can tell ourselves thoughts that are limiting, beliefs that keep us small and keep us thinking that we don't deserve parenthood, and I will say that is just so far from the truth.
• 17:12
  Erica Bove: Sometimes it's part of our self-protective mechanisms, but I do hear that a lot and nobody doesn't deserve to be a parent, right?
• 17:22
  Erica Bove: It's really about biology and circumstance and sometimes the choices that we make and we don't make, and maybe even a little bit of luck.
• 17:32
  Erica Bove: I don't know all the things that happen.
• 17:34
  Erica Bove: All I know is that people who want to become parents will become parents and connecting with the ways in which we are nurturing, loving, bringing life into the world already.
• 17:47
  Erica Bove: I think that can also cast a vote in terms of our ability to be a wonderful parent and that can be really helpful.
• 17:56
  Erica Bove: We are truly part of a larger feminine divine.
• 17:59
  Erica Bove: When we can connect with that nurturing energy and embody it, it really can help.
• 18:04
  Erica Bove: I always say we are goddesses and so often we forget that and maybe if the one thing you do this Mother's Day is like align with that energy and understand that you are it, we are it, we channel it, we share it.
• 18:19
  Erica Bove: When we love each other, it is present.
• 18:21
  Erica Bove: I think that's just so powerful.
• 18:24
  Erica Bove: And so, like I said, taking a broader perspective on parenthood and what it is to be a mother and all of that loving energy, we already live it and so let's embrace it.
• 18:38
  Erica Bove: The last thing I will say in terms of other thoughts about Mother's Day is that, like I said before, it can just be so very triggering.
• 18:45
  Erica Bove: A lot of what I do at Love Science is help people handle triggers, whether it's a friend who announces that they're pregnant insensitively, or a sibling, or maybe it's a family member with a baby that you just have to be around if you go to family functions and that in and of itself is a reminder that it hasn't happened yet for you.
• 19:03
  Erica Bove: So you know, like I said, just having that date on the calendar is a trigger, at least for me, and everyone has their own story, but I think that it can really bring up a lot of grief and unmet expectations as well.
• 19:17
  Erica Bove: So, for triggers, what I suggest is that we think about pre-triggers, during the trigger and post-trigger.
• 19:24
  Erica Bove: So, in terms of prevention, we think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
• 19:31
  Erica Bove: What are ways that we can prevent triggers on this day?
• 19:34
  Erica Bove: Like I said, is it staying off of social media?
• 19:36
  Erica Bove: I think that's a big one.
• 19:37
  Erica Bove: Is it just deciding ahead of time that we are going to stay in our power, that we are going to trust the process, that we are going to navigate the day?
• 19:51
  Erica Bove: Sometimes, on hard days, I just say you know what?
• 19:54
  Erica Bove: This is, just another normal Sunday Time will keep passing and I'm going to emerge on Monday and it's going to be okay.
• 20:00
  Erica Bove: I mean, maybe people would criticize me for that, but sometimes you just need to wake up in a new day, right, a different day.
• 20:06
  Erica Bove: So whatever it is that's going to really prevent you from having triggers, I think is helpful.
• 20:13
  Erica Bove: Part of it is understanding what your triggers are and why you have them.
• 20:18
  Erica Bove: One of my mentors.
• 20:19
  Erica Bove: Kavitha Sun always says you know triggers, they show us where we need healing the most, because it's always our raw spots, it's always our wounds where we have the triggers that are activated.
• 20:30
  Erica Bove: So just think about that.
• 20:31
  Erica Bove: You know, if you think of something as particularly triggering in a calm moment maybe not during the trigger, but in a calm moment just ask yourself oh, isn't that interesting?
• 20:39
  Erica Bove: Why do I feel that way?
• 20:45
  Erica Bove: Is there something you know?
• 20:45
  Erica Bove: Maybe in a calm moment I can spend some time with that and just give myself some self-compassion, give myself some love, maybe even gently challenge the limiting beliefs that are at the root, at the base of that trigger.
• 20:56
  Erica Bove: And so prevention is helpful.
• 20:59
  Erica Bove: During the trigger, you know, really it's helpful when we feel ourselves escalating, when we feel our physiology changing, to really say like I'm getting triggered and I need to separate myself.
• 21:12
  Erica Bove: Right now I'm going to take a break.
• 21:14
  Erica Bove: Whether it's a bathroom break that we may or may not need, whether it's splashing cold water on our face, whether it's say I love this one I mean, I know it's May, but like I'm from Vermont, so say it's like Christmas time and we're all inside and it's super hot, I'm like, oh, I just need a breath of fresh, cold air.
• 21:30
  Erica Bove: The air outside is actually lovely.
• 21:32
  Erica Bove: Maybe you want to go outside and smell a lilac, do something to bring you back to where you are.
• 21:42
  Erica Bove: But I think during the trigger, what I do is the first thing is noticing that I'm getting triggered and then just saying like I'll be right back, like either I'm starting to feel overwhelmed or, you know, I just need a break.
• 21:48
  Erica Bove: Whatever it is, I separate myself from the situation, feel my feet on the ground, do some deep breathing, do something to get back in my body and say like this too shall pass, and just realize like, wow, that was really powerful.
• 22:02
  Erica Bove: I don't want to feel this way.
• 22:04
  Erica Bove: So I'm going to get myself, get my frontal lobe back online, I'm going to calm myself, I'm going to soothe myself, like I said, ground myself with breath and when I feel like you know I'm in the one to five range versus the over six to 10 range in terms of my like trigger meter, that's when I can reenter the situation and just keep on breathing.
• 22:26
  Erica Bove: And then, if it happens again, I'm like well, maybe this is too much for me, maybe I need to go home, and sometimes that's the best choice.
• 22:31
  Erica Bove: You know, it's like we don't always have to expose ourselves to the hard things.
• 22:36
  Erica Bove: Sometimes the gentlest thing is just to say, like, like, this is enough for today and I'm I'm gonna go home and do something kind for myself.
• 22:44
  Erica Bove: So just during the trigger, try to notice it, you know, and do what you can to soothe yourself.
• 22:50
  Erica Bove: Now, after the trigger, I think this is a really interesting time because you know there's pre-trigger, during the trigger, post-trigger, but post-trigger could also be seen as pre the next trigger.
• 23:01
  Erica Bove: That makes sense.
• 23:01
  Erica Bove: So maybe it's the next trigger is going to be father's day, like I don't know what it is for you personally, but we have this opportunity after we get triggered, to look at the situation as objectively as we can.
• 23:14
  Erica Bove: Try and let you know, leave the self-judgment at the door, as I like to say, and just look at it with curiosity, if you can, and say, wow, like that really bothered me.
• 23:25
  Erica Bove: I wonder what about that bothered me and where do I need healing such that if that same stimulus happens again, I might be able to handle it a little bit differently.
• 23:36
  Erica Bove: And so you know, maybe we need to say something to somebody we love to say you know, I'm going through a little bit of a hard time right now.
• 23:45
  Erica Bove: I really need some sensitivity around this topic, or maybe it's.
• 23:49
  Erica Bove: You know that we challenge our own beliefs about ourselves and our worthiness as humans if we're not mothers yet or if we're struggling to build our families.
• 23:57
  Erica Bove: You know there's that piece of it as well.
• 23:59
  Erica Bove: But in that moment of calm, in that moment of being able to look back with some clarity, get curious about yourself, get curious about why that particular thing stung so much, activated a physiological response that fell out of control, and just think okay, what could I do another time to make that similar situation better?
• 24:20
  Erica Bove: Because most situations tend to repeat themselves and if you're like me, you don't like staying stuck in a loop.
• 24:26
  Erica Bove: You kind of like to grow and grow out of things.
• 24:28
  Erica Bove: I don't like feeling like the same things control my physiology, control my mind, control my thoughts.
• 24:34
  Erica Bove: I like to have some agency and ability to just feel good in my own body, especially when things are hard.
• 24:40
  Erica Bove: Agency and ability to just feel good in my own body, especially when things are hard.
• 24:41
  Erica Bove: So that's what I'd say is really take triggers seriously and do your best to prevent them, to deal with them in the moment and then afterwards to figure out what maybe could be different at a different time.
• 24:56
  Erica Bove: So, on this Thursday before Mother's Day, or whenever you're reading this, my parting message to you is really to give yourself grace, because we're all at different points in this journey.
• 25:07
  Erica Bove: We all have different situations that have led us to this point.
• 25:11
  Erica Bove: I do think, though, that there are many common threads within our stories, and a lot of it is just the deep disappointment, the deep regret, the grief, the fear, the shame, the anxiety that this day can bring up, and so giving ourselves grace is so very important giving yourself that mindful self-compassion, and also, ahead of time, figure out who you'll lean on if you need extra support, like I have my people.
• 25:38
  Erica Bove: I know exactly who I'm gonna send a text message to if something goes on that you know is kind of out of how I hope it would be.
• 25:45
  Erica Bove: I mean and even that's in the context of low expectations If I have something that really bothers me that day, you know you better believe I'm gonna send my good friend a text message and lean on her for support.
• 25:56
  Erica Bove: So you know it's usually somebody who understands who's in a similar situation.
• 26:00
  Erica Bove: If you don't think you know anybody else who's going through this, I promise you do.
• 26:04
  Erica Bove: They just haven't been open about it yet.
• 26:06
  Erica Bove: At Love and Science we have our group chat, so I fully expect that we'll be supporting each other there.
• 26:11
  Erica Bove: There are ways to get support if you don't know anybody directly who's going through this.
• 26:16
  Erica Bove: But really I love the serenity prayer because I think it encompasses all the things right.
• 26:22
  Erica Bove: We ask God or love for feminine divine, the universe, whatever it is that is outside of ourselves, that power that's beyond ourselves.
• 26:30
  Erica Bove: We say grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
• 26:40
  Erica Bove: The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference and gosh within that short prayer.
• 26:47
  Erica Bove: There's so much I could say about that.
• 26:48
  Erica Bove: But on this Mother's Day there are things that are beyond our control, that we wish were different, but truly they are beyond our control at this moment in time.
• 26:55
  Erica Bove: So let us accept those things, let us have courage to change the things we can.
• 27:01
  Erica Bove: Maybe it's that we have been avoiding making an appointment with a fertility specialist because we're afraid of what we might find out or we are afraid of what that path might be.
• 27:10
  Erica Bove: I talk to people all the time who are like on the fence about booking an appointment with a fertility specialist.
• 27:15
  Erica Bove: And hey, if that's your limiting step, do that.
• 27:19
  Erica Bove: Maybe you're on the fence about booking a call with me and figuring out how you can get additional support with love and science and one-on-one coaching and group calls and all of that.
• 27:27
  Erica Bove: If that's your limiting step, just do that today, do not hesitate.
• 27:32
  Erica Bove: As my mom would say, mother's Day, daughter of her, do not pass, go, do not collect $200.
• 27:36
  Erica Bove: Just literally, just do it, because I think that a lot of these choices, we say, gosh, why didn't I do that sooner?
• 27:44
  Erica Bove: And so there are some things we have control over.
• 27:46
  Erica Bove: A lot of it is, you know, our thoughts.
• 27:48
  Erica Bove: We actually have control of our feelings If we can really take a step back and separate ourselves and notice our thoughts and our feelings and how we actually want to feel, at the same time honoring what we do feel and welcoming me into the wholeness that is ourselves.
• 28:04
  Erica Bove: And then that last part, which is such the beauty of this prayer, is the wisdom to know the difference.
• 28:08
  Erica Bove: So what is it that's in that what we can control bucket?
• 28:12
  Erica Bove: What is it that's in that what we can't control bucket?
• 28:14
  Erica Bove: And how do we really give ourselves grace for the things we can't control?
• 28:19
  Erica Bove: How do we take our agency for the things we can control and really have that wisdom to know that difference?
• 28:26
  Erica Bove: So with that, I wish you an authentic, peaceful, empowered, supported Mother's Day.
• 28:32
  Erica Bove: I am with you always.
• 28:33
  Erica Bove: I love you.
• 28:34
  Erica Bove: Talk to you soon.
• 28:35
  Erica Bove: Bye.