Latest / Business Roundtable / The MINDSET Expert's Guide to Achieving SUCCESS with Chris Felton

Transcript

The MINDSET Expert's Guide to Achieving SUCCESS with Chris Felton · Business Roundtable

0:31
Speaker 1: All right, welcome back to the Business Roundtable podcast once again.
0:35
Speaker 1: I'm your host, David Carr of Studio Business, where I'm
0:38
Speaker 1: all about bringing people together to accomplish great things. We
0:41
Speaker 1: have another remarkable new guest on the podcast, Chris Felton.
0:45
Speaker 1: He's an author of Thinking Grow You. He is got
0:49
Speaker 1: just a wealth of experience from being a financial services entrepreneur,
0:53
Speaker 1: best selling author, speaker, personal development coach himself. And I'm
0:57
Speaker 1: super excited and honored to have you here Chris on
1:00
Speaker 1: the podcast.
1:02
Speaker 2: David, awesome to be here. Thanks for having me.
1:04
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely. We've had a number of guests on the
1:07
Speaker 1: podcast over the last several months. Actually from one of
1:10
Speaker 1: the groups that we're a part of. I've been Success
1:12
Speaker 1: Champions Network, which I really appreciate because it's about a
1:16
Speaker 1: community of growth minded entrepreneurs, business owners, developing, developing themselves,
1:21
Speaker 1: leveling up and so that's where we connect and I
1:25
Speaker 1: appreciated that. And you come from such a diverse background, Chris,
1:30
Speaker 1: and I'm going to give I want for our audience
1:32
Speaker 1: to learn a little bit more about you and your background,
1:35
Speaker 1: what got you to where you are. I just want
1:37
Speaker 1: to say to sit back, everybody that's listening, because Chris
1:40
Speaker 1: is just a remarkable gentleman. I've been blessed to get
1:43
Speaker 1: to talk with him and learn more and receive some
1:46
Speaker 1: just great insights and wisdom. And so Chris, just, you know,
1:50
Speaker 1: take us from your journey of like where you've been
1:52
Speaker 1: and where you're at now, and you know, step us
1:55
Speaker 1: back a bit.
1:56
Speaker 2: Yeah. I grew up in Colorado, I spent graduated Carras
2:01
Speaker 2: State University accounting degree, spent seven years with a big
2:06
Speaker 2: six public accounting firm, and looked to the guy that
2:10
Speaker 2: was ten years ahead of me, and I didn't want
2:12
Speaker 2: any part of his life and his divorces and his
2:14
Speaker 2: kids hating him and his one hot dog away from
2:18
Speaker 2: his next coronary. So I wasn't I didn't want to
2:21
Speaker 2: hate that. So I kind of just launched a part
2:27
Speaker 2: time financial services business and then rolled out of Corporate
2:31
Speaker 2: America in February of two thousand, so twenty five years,
2:35
Speaker 2: and went through painful, expensive divorce, and then met my
2:41
Speaker 2: second current and last wife in case she's listening, Marlon
2:46
Speaker 2: and had two kids that previous marriage, and they picked
2:54
Speaker 2: up and left Colorado and they went to Atlanta when
2:56
Speaker 2: my kids were super small and so got married, was
3:03
Speaker 2: building my business. I'm a CPA, I'm a financial advisor.
3:08
Speaker 2: And my wife walked into what she thought was a
3:13
Speaker 2: really smart dude who was really successful because he was
3:18
Speaker 2: telling Fortune five hundred companies how to manage their finance
3:21
Speaker 2: departments and telling clients how to manage their finance departments.
3:25
Speaker 2: And I was having some success and my business and
3:29
Speaker 2: winning awards and speaking and all those things. But what
3:34
Speaker 2: she didn't know was, dude, I was totally broke financially,
3:40
Speaker 2: totally broke. So I went through an expensive divorce which
3:46
Speaker 2: I never fought. I just kind of laid down because
3:50
Speaker 2: I felt so guilty about it. I signed a six
3:53
Speaker 2: thousand square fit office lease at the beginning of the
3:57
Speaker 2: Great Recession. I'm a financial services entrepreneur under one of
4:02
Speaker 2: the worst pieces of advice I've ever received in my life,
4:05
Speaker 2: which was like build a big business man. You got
4:08
Speaker 2: to have a big vision, and you get a big vision.
4:11
Speaker 2: You got a big office, and if you build it,
4:13
Speaker 2: they will come. And they didn't come. And the ones
4:17
Speaker 2: that showed up were broke. And so what my wife,
4:22
Speaker 2: Marlow was not aware of was I had accumulated two
4:25
Speaker 2: hundred and fifty thousand dollars a credit card debt. I
4:30
Speaker 2: was negative cash flow every single month by about three
4:35
Speaker 2: or four thousand dollars. I'm using debt, just a total mess,
4:40
Speaker 2: and I'm keeping it from her.
4:42
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
4:43
Speaker 2: Right until one day I was meditating out of desperation,
4:48
Speaker 2: right because I started reading personal growth and development books
4:52
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you got to meditate, you got to meditate,
4:53
Speaker 2: you gotta meditate.
4:54
Speaker 1: Yeah.
4:55
Speaker 2: And so I'm in Colorado in my car it's only
4:59
Speaker 2: quiet place in the middle of February and a ski
5:01
Speaker 2: parka meditating and the download was let your wife manage
5:08
Speaker 2: the money, wow. And it made no sense. She wanted to,
5:15
Speaker 2: but I was like, I'm a CPA, I'm a financial advisor.
5:19
Speaker 2: I got it handled, but no way. I didn't want
5:21
Speaker 2: her to know. I was two hundred and fifty thousand
5:22
Speaker 2: dollars in credit debt, right, and and so you know,
5:29
Speaker 2: we get these intuitive hits, and you you know Mel Robbins,
5:35
Speaker 2: you know the five second rules. She kind of bleft
5:38
Speaker 2: the five second rule. So there was no five second
5:40
Speaker 2: rule back then. But I I took immediate action on that,
5:48
Speaker 2: and it made no sense. And before my ego killed it,
5:52
Speaker 2: I went inside and said, hey, here you go, it's yours,
5:57
Speaker 2: like we just got to spend some time. I'm going
6:00
Speaker 2: through it and I'll give you the check books and
6:03
Speaker 2: bank statements. Then it was about a week later she
6:06
Speaker 2: walked up to me and she just had this look
6:09
Speaker 2: on her face I hope to never see again. But
6:10
Speaker 2: it was just this, like, what the freak did you do?
6:16
Speaker 1: You know?
6:17
Speaker 2: How it's bad? How bad it is? And and then
6:19
Speaker 2: we had then we had the I called it to
6:21
Speaker 2: come to Marlow meeting, you know, which is awesome. And
6:24
Speaker 2: she introduced a four letter word to me called a
6:26
Speaker 2: budget and and and dude, and that's you know. And
6:32
Speaker 2: it's one of my favorite coachs is optimism and delusions
6:35
Speaker 2: sleep in the same bed together. Yeah right, And I
6:41
Speaker 2: was optimistic, guy.
6:42
Speaker 1: I'm with you, I'm with you. I get that.
6:43
Speaker 2: Chris totally broke but optimistic with no relationship to results.
6:50
Speaker 2: As my coach that I hired six months after this conversation,
6:55
Speaker 2: he said, dude, you have like no relationship to results.
6:58
Speaker 2: You just all you do is work. You just work
7:01
Speaker 2: all the time, and you're hoping that things are going
7:04
Speaker 2: to get better. Anyway. I still didn't get it. Fast
7:08
Speaker 2: forward we had to get rid of that house. We
7:11
Speaker 2: had to move into a rented house. Things are getting worse.
7:14
Speaker 2: I'm out of money and I had to pay my
7:17
Speaker 2: ex y fifty two hundred dollars at the beginning of
7:18
Speaker 2: every month an almonion child support, and so my back
7:23
Speaker 2: was against the wall. This was a turning point in
7:25
Speaker 2: my life. And I had no money to pay her,
7:29
Speaker 2: and so I had to convince my wife to give
7:35
Speaker 2: me her money. Because she was good with money and
7:40
Speaker 2: she had savings, because she knew to keep money separate
7:42
Speaker 2: from a broke guy. She had money separate from our relationship.
7:47
Speaker 2: And I had to convince her to give me her money.
7:50
Speaker 2: I had to convince my wife to give me the
7:52
Speaker 2: money to pay my ex wife.
7:55
Speaker 1: Wow.
7:56
Speaker 2: Wow, And it didn't go good.
8:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say, that's gotta gotta be a
8:02
Speaker 1: hard conversation.
8:04
Speaker 2: So so anyway, so we call it the purse throwing incident.
8:07
Speaker 2: And so she threw her purse at me once, twice,
8:11
Speaker 2: three times. We had the fight of our lives. And
8:13
Speaker 2: then and then really what turned everything around was after
8:17
Speaker 2: I asked her why we're still married, and she went
8:19
Speaker 2: upstairs to go figure that out. For the rest of
8:21
Speaker 2: the night. That was the awakening, David. That was it.
8:25
Speaker 2: That was me sitting there and all I could see
8:28
Speaker 2: were just these all these dominoes falling. And it was
8:34
Speaker 2: shocking that the first domino was my ex wife because
8:38
Speaker 2: I blamed her for a lot of my problems. But
8:42
Speaker 2: what I realized in that moment was she never had
8:45
Speaker 2: a chance because I actually expected that marriage to fail.
8:52
Speaker 1: Wow.
8:54
Speaker 2: And it's just a subconscious expectation, right. And when my
9:00
Speaker 2: favorite quaches, you don't get what you hope for, you
9:01
Speaker 2: get what you expect. And so most people hope positive,
9:06
Speaker 2: but they expect negative.
9:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true.
9:10
Speaker 2: And the entrepreneurs I coach, I always ask them, this
9:12
Speaker 2: is a great question for your crew that's listening is
9:18
Speaker 2: sit down and journal in your heart of hearts. What
9:20
Speaker 2: are you really expecting to happen? Health, money, business? Because
9:26
Speaker 2: you will get exactly what you expect. So the key
9:30
Speaker 2: is do the growth and development to level up your expectations.
9:34
Speaker 2: So x YF couldn't see my kids. I'm about ready
9:38
Speaker 2: to go through divorce number two. I was kind of
9:40
Speaker 2: a drunk, I was out of shape, I was a mess.
9:44
Speaker 2: And then I realized the common theme with all the
9:46
Speaker 2: dominoes was me. And that's when I realized that I
9:48
Speaker 2: had a change. I had to quit living and hope
9:50
Speaker 2: you yeah, hoping the outside world will change. Well, we
9:55
Speaker 2: want to stay the same. And I call that rearrange
9:57
Speaker 2: in the furniture on the deck of the Bitanic to
10:00
Speaker 2: the Titanic. So so, and that's the first time in
10:08
Speaker 2: my life I took one hundred percent responsibility. And so
10:11
Speaker 2: the next day Marlon and I came together. She decided
10:13
Speaker 2: to keep me, which to her credit, nothing happens without her.
10:18
Speaker 2: And then her time of immense stress, it would have
10:23
Speaker 2: been so easy for her to exit, but she didn't. Wow,
10:25
Speaker 2: and she said, I'm keeping you. We're not getting divorced,
10:29
Speaker 2: we're not declaring bankruptcy. She's like, we have relationships with
10:35
Speaker 2: wealthy people. I'm going to go interview them. I'm gonna
10:38
Speaker 2: see what they do, what they think. Our first book,
10:40
Speaker 2: couple's money came from that. And then and then she
10:44
Speaker 2: was like, what are you going to do, jackass? And
10:45
Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, I'm like, I'm going to figure out
10:49
Speaker 2: how this mindset thing keeps creating broke. So I David,
10:53
Speaker 2: I got obsessed with mindset around money. How could a
10:58
Speaker 2: CPA and a financial advisor be broke? I wrote a
11:00
Speaker 2: LinkedIn article about a year ago. Why are there so
11:03
Speaker 2: many smart talent that broke people in the United States today?
11:06
Speaker 2: We live in the richest country on the planet, and
11:08
Speaker 2: most people are freaking broke. So I got obsessed with
11:13
Speaker 2: remaking my whole belief system, and that's what I did.
11:17
Speaker 2: And I wasn't interested in changing. I was committed and
11:20
Speaker 2: we had a jaw dropping transformation financially, spiritually, mentally, physically.
11:26
Speaker 2: It was It was pretty amazing.
11:29
Speaker 1: Chris. You've dropped so much here in just a short period.
11:31
Speaker 1: I hope people are recognizing this. Can I see similar
11:35
Speaker 1: parallels Chris and what you're talking about. I didn't get
11:38
Speaker 1: divorced myself in the I'm in my second marriage, but
11:42
Speaker 1: this is years ago. The stress that, like you said
11:44
Speaker 1: in blaming you know others, and one of the things
11:49
Speaker 1: that you just said that I think is really key
11:51
Speaker 1: is that you took ownership. If you're the problem, you
11:54
Speaker 1: can also be the solution, right, you can now change
11:56
Speaker 1: the story in the narrative. But if it's if you're
11:58
Speaker 1: a circumstantial and everybody's ever the outs outside of you,
12:01
Speaker 1: like you said, you're you're just rearranging the chairs on
12:04
Speaker 1: the stand. The things are going to happen. You know,
12:07
Speaker 1: we're we're victim. Then we can't do anything about it,
12:11
Speaker 1: you know.
12:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're powerless.
12:15
Speaker 1: You are literally less restock. And I see this happen
12:18
Speaker 1: with some business owners or others I talk to, is
12:20
Speaker 1: they blame their team, they blame the you know, oh this,
12:25
Speaker 1: that and the other thing, and there there's there's elements
12:28
Speaker 1: of truth there. I'm not saying it's their delusion, but
12:32
Speaker 1: that's where they that's where they stop. It's like, well,
12:34
Speaker 1: this blame, what are you doing? What are you were
12:37
Speaker 1: you taking? And what I hear you saying, Chris, is
12:38
Speaker 1: you took radical accountability. You're looking at yourself and you're
12:41
Speaker 1: going all in. I'm not just interested. I'm committed, but
12:44
Speaker 1: I figured this thing out. I'm going all in. And
12:46
Speaker 1: that's why I love having folks like you on the podcast,
12:48
Speaker 1: because I wanted others to hear from those that have
12:52
Speaker 1: gone through this and come out and we're going to
12:54
Speaker 1: get to the other side of where you're at today
12:55
Speaker 1: and the success that you're seeing. But it wasn't through.
12:57
Speaker 1: It took time. It took energy, It took intense focus
13:01
Speaker 1: to move from you know, this delusion like you said, Hope,
13:05
Speaker 1: I am. I feel like a lot of us have
13:07
Speaker 1: that this Pope, Hope, I've been there too, and I
13:10
Speaker 1: have to put myself out of that of like, no,
13:12
Speaker 1: what are the actual results and what what are we even?
13:14
Speaker 1: Like you said, what what is your true desire? What
13:17
Speaker 1: is your To be really clear that, I find a
13:19
Speaker 1: lot of people won't even clear on what they really
13:20
Speaker 1: even want. And so there's this idea of maybe being
13:24
Speaker 1: getting stuck, which I want to kind of lead into
13:27
Speaker 1: is like where entreprenurse get stuck or they're feeling like
13:29
Speaker 1: kind of a they're sabotaging themselves. And in one concept
13:34
Speaker 1: you and I talked about before when we recorded this podcast,
13:36
Speaker 1: is this idea of like a money thermosad or how
13:39
Speaker 1: people kind of unconsciously cap their potential. And so I'd
13:44
Speaker 1: love you to just break that down a little bit
13:46
Speaker 1: of us. So the concept of you bring up positive
13:48
Speaker 1: intelligence and how can we move So you've taken this
13:51
Speaker 1: place where you took radibal accountability, You're like, Okay, we've
13:54
Speaker 1: got to figure this out, and you started to move
13:56
Speaker 1: in this new direction Chris, and how can people start
13:59
Speaker 1: to think about identifying this and where they're getting stuck?
14:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the root. So you know, there's always
14:08
Speaker 2: the symptom, and then there's the root of things, right,
14:10
Speaker 2: And one of the things I want to do is
14:12
Speaker 2: I want to get to, you know, the root. And
14:17
Speaker 2: and you know, and I hired a coach for four
14:21
Speaker 2: and a half years who just you know, changed my
14:24
Speaker 2: life because you know, he would say, you know, hey, Chris,
14:31
Speaker 2: anytime my ego would get in the way, right, because
14:33
Speaker 2: our ego, our ego's not our ego. Right, He's like, hey, buddy,
14:41
Speaker 2: based on results, how's your way working? Based on results?
14:47
Speaker 2: How's your way working? I hated that question, but he
14:51
Speaker 2: but he would always snap me out of it. And
14:55
Speaker 2: he said and when he said, He's like, you have
14:58
Speaker 2: absolutely no relationship to actual results. And you and I
15:04
Speaker 2: talked to me did our one on one with one
15:08
Speaker 2: of my mentors. Steve Siebold wrote a book called The
15:10
Speaker 2: one hundred and seventy seven Mental Toughness Secrets of the
15:13
Speaker 2: World Class. It is unbelievable. He's interviewed over thirteen hundred self,
15:18
Speaker 2: many millionaires and billionaires. It's the longest running largest study
15:22
Speaker 2: of that group ever and he breaks it down and
15:28
Speaker 2: there's one hundred and seventy seven concepts, right, yeah, And
15:32
Speaker 2: he always gets asked, are they written in any particular order?
15:37
Speaker 2: And he said no, except for chapter one. And chapter
15:42
Speaker 2: one is called objective reality, and it is the capacity
15:48
Speaker 2: to look at your results objectively. But most people don't
15:55
Speaker 2: want to look at their resultsolutely because they don't want
15:57
Speaker 2: to feel bad about themselves the way of feeling bad
16:00
Speaker 2: about themselves. They want to look at their results and
16:02
Speaker 2: then the results get worse and they don't want to
16:05
Speaker 2: look at it, and they're right, and the whole Ostridge
16:07
Speaker 2: approach to life. I was living that in space, right,
16:11
Speaker 2: and I was like, it wasn't like I was positive, dude,
16:16
Speaker 2: I was working my ass off, like I was want
16:18
Speaker 2: to work at eighty ninety hours a week and my
16:20
Speaker 2: costs Like He's like, are you stupid? Like what does
16:23
Speaker 2: it take you eighty to ninety hours to do? What's
16:27
Speaker 2: wrong with you? Anyway, So, getting back to your question,
16:32
Speaker 2: objective reality is the key in world class players. World
16:36
Speaker 2: class performers have the ability to look at their results
16:42
Speaker 2: and own them, whether they're good or bad. And so
16:46
Speaker 2: so that's what I had to do. And so when
16:49
Speaker 2: my wife laid out the bloody balance sheet and the
16:54
Speaker 2: debt and all that, I mean, dude, she'd done that
16:56
Speaker 2: exercise with me dozens of times, but I didn't want
17:01
Speaker 2: to look at it. I'm like, no, it's okay, it's
17:06
Speaker 2: it's my ex wife's fault. Oh, it's the recession. I mean,
17:09
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, I'm a financial service as entrepreneur
17:11
Speaker 2: in the middle of the Great Recession going through a divorce.
17:15
Speaker 2: I mean, doesn't it my pity party? Like, don't you
17:18
Speaker 2: want to buy them my bs? And and so that
17:24
Speaker 2: was step one, dude. It was because stuck is the
17:30
Speaker 2: root of stuck is what is happening shouldn't be happening.
17:36
Speaker 2: That's the root of stuck. But it is. And and
17:46
Speaker 2: so there's this there's this concept. Took me years to
17:49
Speaker 2: figure it out. I'm getting goosebumps thinking of talking about it.
17:52
Speaker 2: It's called acceptance. And I didn't get it. And and
17:57
Speaker 2: so all that stuff was in front of me.
18:00
Speaker 1: Yep, all the debt.
18:01
Speaker 2: Can't see my kids, they're little boys that like, I mean,
18:05
Speaker 2: my ex wife, my wife's stressed and like the world's
18:08
Speaker 2: a great recear All this craps coming at me, right, yeah,
18:12
Speaker 2: and I'm like, this shouldn't be happening. Well, what that
18:17
Speaker 2: does is that causes you to focus on what should
18:21
Speaker 2: not be happening, and all you do is create more
18:26
Speaker 2: of what shouldn't be happening.
18:28
Speaker 1: Joash, Yeah, it's not human Like. It's like driving on
18:31
Speaker 1: the road and you look at the pothole. It's like, no,
18:33
Speaker 1: don't look at the pothole. You crash right into it.
18:36
Speaker 2: Well yeah, and I mean I love Joe de Spens's work,
18:39
Speaker 2: but he calls it at a negative feedback loop, and
18:41
Speaker 2: it's just like you look at your environment. You don't
18:44
Speaker 2: like your environment, it dictates your thinking of what you
18:47
Speaker 2: don't like, right, and my coaches like, you just keep
18:50
Speaker 2: throwing out poop covered boomerangs. Dude, like you keep throwing
18:55
Speaker 2: out boomerangs covered in poop that come back. He's like,
19:00
Speaker 2: you got to get into acceptance. I'm like, why don't
19:02
Speaker 2: want to accept this? This sucks? And he said ten
19:06
Speaker 2: things over four years, bro changed my life. This is
19:08
Speaker 2: one of them. He said, you don't need to love it,
19:14
Speaker 2: but you have to stop hating it. Changed my life. Like,
19:19
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? He's like you get a
19:21
Speaker 2: flat tire. What happens? Right, we get a flat tire?
19:25
Speaker 2: What do we do?
19:26
Speaker 1: David?
19:27
Speaker 2: Oh crap, why is it happened? My wife didn't fit that?
19:33
Speaker 2: Who didn't fix the pile? Like, and we're going through this,
19:39
Speaker 2: this whole process of like I.
19:41
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be here, yep, yep.
19:44
Speaker 2: Meanwhile the flat tires sitting there watching us go through
19:47
Speaker 2: these gymnastics of being pissed and angry about the situation,
19:51
Speaker 2: and it's just going are you done? It doesn't care.
19:57
Speaker 2: So acceptances getting to the point where you are in
20:01
Speaker 2: acceptance to I have a flat tire.
20:04
Speaker 1: M h.
20:05
Speaker 2: That was my coach, Like, you have a flat tire.
20:07
Speaker 2: Accept it. The more the more you resist it, the
20:11
Speaker 2: more you feel guilty about it, the more you blame,
20:15
Speaker 2: you play a victim or delusion, or it's going to
20:21
Speaker 2: get better, like all those are all forms of resistance,
20:24
Speaker 2: and what you resist will continue to freaking persist. Yes,
20:29
Speaker 2: And so finally he's like, you have the flat tire.
20:34
Speaker 2: And then the only two relevant questions, Chris, and this
20:36
Speaker 2: is where he kept me for four and a half years.
20:40
Speaker 2: What do you want and what's the next thing you
20:41
Speaker 2: need to do? He's like, accept the flat tire. What
20:47
Speaker 2: I want. I want to get back on the freaking road.
20:49
Speaker 2: What's the next thing I need to do? I need
20:51
Speaker 2: to go get the freakin' jack right, Because I was
20:54
Speaker 2: literally at base camp looking up at Mount Everest, going,
20:57
Speaker 2: how am I going to scale that mountain in one step?
21:00
Speaker 2: It's not going to happen, So sayway else, shut up
21:02
Speaker 2: about this. I love this stuffs. But but so my wife,
21:08
Speaker 2: it's it's in my book. I called the line in
21:11
Speaker 2: the sand moment, and I finally got the whole acceptance thing.
21:17
Speaker 2: I quit beating myself up. I forgive his wife. I
21:20
Speaker 2: forgave myself. I forgave the circumstances all that week. You know,
21:24
Speaker 2: I could do the whole show and forgiveness. Yeah, but
21:28
Speaker 2: she put the bloody balance. She she put all this
21:31
Speaker 2: crap in front of me. We had a weekly meeting
21:34
Speaker 2: and it usually ended in a bad spiral of my
21:37
Speaker 2: emotional you know, immaturity and all the victim and pissed
21:41
Speaker 2: off and guilt and all that stuff. And I just
21:44
Speaker 2: looked at it, David, and I looked at her and
21:48
Speaker 2: I said, we will never be back here again. And
21:57
Speaker 2: I get emotional every time because that was a decision
22:07
Speaker 2: that moved mountains. And I love talking to entrepreneurs when
22:13
Speaker 2: they crushed stuff. I'm like, when was the point that
22:17
Speaker 2: you made the decision and what were the conditions around
22:22
Speaker 2: that that created that? And I'll never forget it, dude.
22:27
Speaker 2: I was just like, we will never be back here again.
22:30
Speaker 2: I felt it in my bones. That was a decision
22:34
Speaker 2: that was strong. And the two hundred and fifty thousand
22:38
Speaker 2: dollars disappeared the next day. Hell no, it was a
22:43
Speaker 2: lot of work. It was a lot of focus. But
22:46
Speaker 2: then we got clear on what we wanted and we
22:49
Speaker 2: spent a lot of time talking about it. We talked
22:52
Speaker 2: about why we wanted it. We had accountability meanings and right,
22:57
Speaker 2: I still had the problems. I still had the challenges.
23:00
Speaker 1: Problems and go away.
23:01
Speaker 2: But but I moved from desperation to determination and I
23:08
Speaker 2: locked arms with my wife and we were dude, we
23:12
Speaker 2: were laser focused. And the dopamine hits you get in
23:15
Speaker 2: your brain. It's when you know you're on the right path.
23:19
Speaker 2: It's not when you actually scale the mountain.
23:21
Speaker 1: No, you just know you made that decision. You're you're
23:23
Speaker 1: ready to make the move, and it keeps you going
23:26
Speaker 1: You've laid out a lot of great points here. I
23:28
Speaker 1: really I hope everybody's hearing this acceptance thing because what
23:31
Speaker 1: you said earlier I talt with a lot of men
23:34
Speaker 1: christ in particular in this area of not facing the
23:38
Speaker 1: facts and the reality of their life, like you're saying,
23:42
Speaker 1: because there's guilt and shame associated with it. But what
23:46
Speaker 1: I heard you say was, we're not going to stay
23:49
Speaker 1: here anymore because that's who who I was, that's where
23:51
Speaker 1: we were at. We're leaving that place, We're going beyond that.
23:56
Speaker 1: So when you made that decision, what I'm hearing you
23:58
Speaker 1: say is when you've made that, this as you're going
24:00
Speaker 1: there and that don't mean hit is like, I'm not
24:02
Speaker 1: that person. That's who I was, that was a part
24:04
Speaker 1: of me, that will always be a part of me,
24:06
Speaker 1: but that doesn't define me, that doesn't determine who I
24:09
Speaker 1: am going to become. And I think that's the freedom
24:12
Speaker 1: I think comes from You've had a container with a
24:15
Speaker 1: coach and you purposely put yourself in this space to
24:18
Speaker 1: unlock your brain, create a space to where you could
24:22
Speaker 1: move in this direction and say, what is it though?
24:24
Speaker 1: I want I love that question, What is it that
24:26
Speaker 1: you want and what's the next step that you have
24:28
Speaker 1: and having somebody it's powerful that somebody comes alongside you
24:32
Speaker 1: do that, and I'm and we're seeing firsthand the results
24:36
Speaker 1: years later because you made that decision to take that
24:40
Speaker 1: step in this new direction.
24:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I mean my you know, I mean
24:46
Speaker 2: my coach and my wife. I mean they were you know,
24:49
Speaker 2: you can't do this alone. But you know a lot
24:52
Speaker 2: of guys they just retreat. Yep, And dude, it's a
24:56
Speaker 2: chapter in my book. Don't retreat like this is not good.
25:00
Speaker 2: He goes like, no, just pull back and you put
25:03
Speaker 2: this little bubble around you and you know, you got
25:05
Speaker 2: all these distractions and phones and all this crap that
25:08
Speaker 2: can take you off, but it's not going to solve itself.
25:14
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean the coaching and then just the
25:18
Speaker 2: clarity and most importantly the clarity like this is what
25:20
Speaker 2: we want and developing those compelling emotional reasons why we
25:26
Speaker 2: want to do things. Because the other thing he did, David,
25:30
Speaker 2: was he made it a little painful for me to
25:33
Speaker 2: stay where I was right and so we don't like change,
25:39
Speaker 2: and so we will make a change if we have
25:42
Speaker 2: a compelling vision to move towards or it's too painful
25:46
Speaker 2: to stay where we are because I was getting comfortable,
25:51
Speaker 2: you know, sitting on my big pile of crap.
25:53
Speaker 1: Yep, right, yeah, absolutely.
25:57
Speaker 2: And then my coach said, hey, Chris, uh, who who
26:05
Speaker 2: pays the price for you insisting that you stay this way?
26:13
Speaker 2: Dude never connected that mm hmm, never connected the prices.
26:21
Speaker 2: He's like, who pays the price?
26:23
Speaker 1: Yeah?
26:23
Speaker 2: And I'm like Marlowe, He's like, you want her to
26:28
Speaker 2: keep paying that?
26:31
Speaker 1: No?
26:31
Speaker 2: Man, I love her?
26:32
Speaker 1: Okay?
26:33
Speaker 2: Who else? Who else pays the price? My kids?
26:36
Speaker 1: Well?
26:37
Speaker 2: Do you not want to have a relationship with your kids?
26:41
Speaker 2: You want your kids to watch you lose? What do
26:45
Speaker 2: you think they'll turn into if their dad's a loser?
26:48
Speaker 2: I mean, he's just he just like Boom. I mean,
26:51
Speaker 2: he knew when to hug and knew when to kick,
26:53
Speaker 2: and there was times I needed kicking. But we we
26:56
Speaker 2: spent time like connecting the price. He's like, what's what's
27:00
Speaker 2: the price being paid for you? Like, what's it going
27:02
Speaker 2: to look like when you're seventy five?
27:06
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
27:07
Speaker 2: And you didn't change And he got he got me
27:10
Speaker 2: to be more afraid of the fear of regret than
27:15
Speaker 2: the fear of you know, just whatever that I only
27:20
Speaker 2: needed that once. And when he when he connected the
27:23
Speaker 2: prices that other people were paying, yeah, I never made
27:26
Speaker 2: that connection. Yeah, so he got me to move that.
27:30
Speaker 2: That is so powerful, Chris, because I do agree with
27:33
Speaker 2: you one hundred percent. Talked about this having a compelling
27:35
Speaker 2: vision of where do you want to go and what's
27:37
Speaker 2: the cost of continuing to do things? And I really
27:41
Speaker 2: you talked at the very top.
27:42
Speaker 1: Of the episode here was you know, there's a being
27:45
Speaker 1: connection with your results and what's the outcome of your life?
27:48
Speaker 1: And to be really real about that, is it getting you?
27:51
Speaker 1: Like he's calling you out literally and you're and saying, look,
27:55
Speaker 1: this is not getting you where you want to be.
27:57
Speaker 1: So and I found a lot of people us have
28:01
Speaker 1: had some level of success and then they but then
28:03
Speaker 1: they also they stop and they're like, okay, you're but
28:08
Speaker 1: what is that costing you? What do you think about
28:10
Speaker 1: these things? We can't just put it. It's what's somebody
28:14
Speaker 1: has told me. You know, it's not nothing just s taste,
28:17
Speaker 1: just static. It's either increasing or decreased. Something is happening,
28:21
Speaker 1: something is breaking down. And so he said, you know,
28:24
Speaker 1: and so I think what I hear you saying, and
28:26
Speaker 1: is that you know, look, you're you're you're getting in
28:29
Speaker 1: this state of you know that you could be so
28:32
Speaker 1: much more. You could improve your relationship and not quite
28:35
Speaker 1: honestly writing your book and reaching I mean you just
28:37
Speaker 1: talked about your immediate family, but think about the other
28:39
Speaker 1: people that you've reached. You know, I would have never
28:41
Speaker 1: got to meet you, or have you had this podcast
28:43
Speaker 1: or other people if you didn't take this move. And
28:46
Speaker 1: so we're and you know my company say it's Stewart.
28:49
Speaker 1: Stewart is very powerful to me because we're entrusted with
28:52
Speaker 1: so much in this life, whatever we have, and like,
28:55
Speaker 1: how can we manage that? Well? In the in the Bible,
28:58
Speaker 1: there's a there's a story about somebody has, you know,
29:01
Speaker 1: a talent that money and he and he's asked to
29:03
Speaker 1: invest it and one of the guys just goes and
29:05
Speaker 1: puts it in a rock and doesn't lose quote unquote
29:07
Speaker 1: lose anything. And then and and well, what did you do?
29:10
Speaker 1: I gave you this to go multiply it, and you
29:12
Speaker 1: didn't do it. And I think all of us are
29:14
Speaker 1: called to be multipliers whatever whatever that looks like for
29:18
Speaker 1: all of us, it's different. But we're all I believe
29:21
Speaker 1: called the two were invited to do that, to be
29:23
Speaker 1: a part of that. And I hear you say, Chris,
29:25
Speaker 1: and this is what your coach is saying. Look, you're
29:27
Speaker 1: you have so much, Chris, and you're just holding it here.
29:31
Speaker 1: Let's be a benefit and les and and reach more
29:36
Speaker 1: and and you know, and be a blessing. I could think,
29:38
Speaker 1: be blessed and be a blessing to others.
29:41
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, well yeah, and it's it's it's the
29:45
Speaker 2: beginning of my book. It's author Jeff Shore of one
29:48
Speaker 2: of my favorite quotes, he says, a life spent seeking
29:51
Speaker 2: comfort results in an entirely uncomfortable existence.
29:55
Speaker 1: Mm hmm mmm.
29:58
Speaker 2: And and that's and then in Seabolt's one seven seven,
30:03
Speaker 2: where you know, he's like because everything he teaches is like, Okay,
30:07
Speaker 2: here's a concept. Here's what the middle class thinks about it,
30:12
Speaker 2: Here's what the upper class thinks about it. And then
30:14
Speaker 2: here's what the world class thinks about and the world
30:20
Speaker 2: the middle class is addicted to being comfortable, and the
30:25
Speaker 2: upper class is addicted to themselves and possessions and status
30:32
Speaker 2: and crap. And you know what you think of me?
30:36
Speaker 2: And that but there's this, there's this small subset called
30:39
Speaker 2: the world class. Right, and his books call one hundred
30:41
Speaker 2: and seventy seven Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class.
30:43
Speaker 2: Now that of the upper class, the world class, and
30:46
Speaker 2: the world class is all about becoming the best version
30:48
Speaker 2: of themselves and operating from love and abundance and service
30:53
Speaker 2: and giving yes. And so the middle class thinks they'll
30:57
Speaker 2: turn it into the upper class if they go to
31:00
Speaker 2: the next level. But they don't even know there's this
31:02
Speaker 2: world class level that exists. But but that's that's most
31:08
Speaker 2: people are addicted to comfort, and there's just if you
31:13
Speaker 2: are not continuing to grow. John Maxwell always says it's
31:16
Speaker 2: all uphill. It's all uphill. Right, it's all uphill. And
31:23
Speaker 2: if you're not continuing to grow, there's no definition of
31:27
Speaker 2: comfort in nature. I'm looking outside my window at some
31:30
Speaker 2: plants and some trees. I mean those plants either growing
31:33
Speaker 2: or dying. There's no trees that are in comfort. So
31:37
Speaker 2: comfort is a man made mind virus that is a
31:41
Speaker 2: massive freaking trap. M You got to avoid it like
31:45
Speaker 2: the plague, and you've got to be intentional about your
31:47
Speaker 2: growth and development.
31:49
Speaker 1: Right, And I think all you know all of us,
31:53
Speaker 1: you know, especially if you've attained any kind of level
31:56
Speaker 1: of success. Sometimes we pick our foot off the gas.
31:59
Speaker 1: Like you said, we we It's like, no, we're we
32:02
Speaker 1: need to can We're called to step in. And I
32:04
Speaker 1: think that's what I love about you, Chris, and in
32:07
Speaker 1: this book and this concept of to think and grow
32:09
Speaker 1: you to guide yourself in how you show up and
32:14
Speaker 1: create this outcome. And I know, and we're getting close
32:17
Speaker 1: to in the podcast because I want to be able
32:19
Speaker 1: to have we might have to have just another conversation. Uh.
32:22
Speaker 1: I love the idea of you know, talking about forgiveness,
32:25
Speaker 1: some of the habits that we're doing. There's so many things, honestly,
32:28
Speaker 1: but it's finding these tools and what I call your
32:30
Speaker 1: operating SYSM that works for you. You and I talked.
32:32
Speaker 1: Meditation is one that we both do now and include
32:35
Speaker 1: as part of our world. But it's a per But
32:37
Speaker 1: whatever that tool is, is it helping me? You said?
32:39
Speaker 1: Is it? Is it pushing you to grow? Is it
32:42
Speaker 1: it's stretching you? Because we all I find if we
32:46
Speaker 1: do that, then we will get to that world class.
32:49
Speaker 1: But it definitely I think the world wants to pull
32:52
Speaker 1: us down or just say Hey, just stay here? Why
32:54
Speaker 1: why are you? Why are you pushing here? Because they
32:56
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable with somebody trying to step out up and
33:00
Speaker 1: because they the mirror of them that they're like, well,
33:02
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that, I'm not stretching, and I don't want,
33:05
Speaker 1: you know, the reality of like you said earlier in
33:07
Speaker 1: the beginning, I don't want to really look at that.
33:10
Speaker 1: But they have to win. When we're trying to stop
33:12
Speaker 1: up a little bit and they're saying like, well, that's
33:13
Speaker 1: something different, Chris, is different. Why you know, it's convicting
33:17
Speaker 1: and I feel like in a good way though, you know.
33:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, and it's you know, and I also,
33:24
Speaker 2: you know, work hard on not judging right, because we
33:27
Speaker 2: talked about the book Positive Intelligence, Right Judgments public enemy
33:30
Speaker 2: number one. So whatever people want, it's just it's do
33:35
Speaker 2: you like your results? And if you like your results,
33:37
Speaker 2: there's nothing else to talk about, right, But if you don't,
33:40
Speaker 2: then you got to do something about it.
33:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, you know, Chris, there's so much more I
33:49
Speaker 1: want to I definitely want to have you come back
33:50
Speaker 1: on the podcast. We definitely maybe have a round table
33:53
Speaker 1: for you, because I think having a few other folks
33:55
Speaker 1: in this conversation particularly, I mean, the acceptance is a
33:59
Speaker 1: huge trying to think hopefully what it takes us on.
34:01
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that it's that's such a great concept
34:04
Speaker 1: and powerful, and that doesn't mean that you have to
34:07
Speaker 1: like it or like like you said, and then coming
34:09
Speaker 1: with that with forgiveness and some of these other things. Chris,
34:12
Speaker 1: But what's the best way, I mean, you, Chris Felton
34:16
Speaker 1: dot Emmy, you can get there. We're on LinkedIn and
34:18
Speaker 1: we're going to provide that links to your book. In fact,
34:21
Speaker 1: I'll put a link even to the you know see
34:23
Speaker 1: Bulls book. But you know you're it's just a great
34:29
Speaker 1: pleasure to have you here on the podcast, Chris and
34:32
Speaker 1: I just want to give you opportunities for wrapping up.
34:34
Speaker 1: And we've covered a lot of great concepts here like
34:36
Speaker 1: what kind of is your like? Hey, if you heard
34:39
Speaker 1: nothing else or a key take away here on the
34:41
Speaker 1: podcast today you would want to share with our listeners.
34:45
Speaker 1: Parting words, well.
34:47
Speaker 2: You're either growing or dying. But there's no happy ending
34:49
Speaker 2: to an unhappy journey mm hmmm. And man, yeah, yeah,
34:57
Speaker 2: have fun, have fun growing because you know, stress and
35:01
Speaker 2: misery is a choice.
35:02
Speaker 1: So yes, absolutely we get to choose right, We get
35:06
Speaker 1: the option to choose how we want to show up.
35:08
Speaker 1: And I'm grateful that you chose to be a part
35:10
Speaker 1: of the podcast, chose to connect with me, and I
35:13
Speaker 1: appreciate your friendship and collaboration here. Chris.
35:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're awesome, David, thank you, appreciate you.
35:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you guys for listening being a part of
35:22
Speaker 1: the Business Roundtable podcast. Of course, we always appreciate you
35:25
Speaker 1: guys liking, subscribing, sharing with others, inviting others that want
35:31
Speaker 1: to be on as guests. We welcome that. We will
35:34
Speaker 1: be making sure Chris gets access to comments and feedback. Again,
35:38
Speaker 1: we'll be writing many resources here in our show notes.
35:41
Speaker 1: Thank you again for being a part of it, Chris,
35:43
Speaker 1: and thank you listening for joining us again for this
35:46
Speaker 1: episode of the Business Roundtable