Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Your Life Won't Change Until You Change THIS (S5) S36:E3 Monday

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Your Life Won't Change Until You Change THIS (S5) S36:E3 Monday · Inspirations for Your Life

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Well there, hello everyone.
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It is so great to be with you
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on a Monday and it is the last
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day of the month.
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It's August 31st and tomorrow is September 1st.
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Can you believe that?
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So if this is your very first time
0:42
here, I want to take the opportunity to
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say thank you and of course I want
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to say the words welcome.
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You're always welcome here.
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If you've been here one time, five times,
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ten, a hundred or maybe even more a
0:53
hundred or maybe lost track of the count,
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no problem.
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I'd like to say thank you and welcome.
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But I also want to say the words
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ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.
1:04
Yes, welcome back.
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Thank you for choosing to come back to
1:07
the amazing Inspirations for Your Life show.
1:10
We've got another great show for you.
1:13
This whole week is a great show.
1:14
I mean every time we come on the
1:16
air it's always great and there's always good
1:19
things to talk about.
1:20
But this week is one I think that's
1:25
important, okay.
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And your life won't change until you change
1:33
this.
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Series 5, show 36, episode number three.
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Yes, welcome everyone to the Everpopular Inspirations for
1:43
Your Life show.
1:44
If you're thirsty or hungry, feel free to
1:46
go grab yourself something.
1:47
I have some arrow water here and some
1:48
lemon.
1:49
Maybe you want some fruit or something else.
1:53
Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
1:55
more of my amazing inspiring creations after the
1:57
show is over.
1:58
So welcome to another amazing episode of the
2:00
Everpopular Inspirations for Your Life show.
2:02
I'm John C.
2:04
Morley.
2:04
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
2:06
I'm an engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
2:09
host, coach, keynote speaker, a graduate student at
2:13
Montclair State University, a passionate lifelong learner, and
2:17
so grateful now to be a published author.
2:21
In case you missed my book, it's Drain
2:22
to Driven.
2:23
Talks about how to avoid burnout.
2:25
Some really good things you'll want to check
2:28
out in my book.
2:29
You can get it on Amazon as well.
2:32
Our master weekly topic for the season five
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is of show 36 is Stop Living a
2:38
Life You Never Chose.
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I think that's an important piece that a
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lot of people like, they just don't realize
2:46
it.
2:46
They think the life they're in is the
2:48
one they want, but somehow they got dished
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that.
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Today, I'm going directly to something that influences
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nearly every choice you make.
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What is that?
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Your thinking.
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You can say you want change.
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All you want.
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You can set goals.
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You can change your environment.
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You can work with vision boards, but if
3:13
you keep interpreting everything through the same belief
3:15
and assumptions, you may keep rebuilding versions of
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the same life.
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Let's unpack this together.
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I have 30 ways to change the thinking
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behind the life you're currently creating.
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Number one, your patterns begin with your thinking.
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I've said this before.
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Everything starts in the mind.
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All thoughts and things come to fruition from
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the mind.
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Our behavior rarely appears from nowhere.
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It comes from something.
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Thoughts influence choices.
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Choices become actions and repeated actions become patterns.
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If you want to understand a pattern, examine
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the thinking feeding it.
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Number two, stop rehearsing reasons you can't change.
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Every time you repeat why something won't work,
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you strengthen that explanation.
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Understand real limitations, but don't spend your mental
4:14
energy constantly building arguments against your own growth.
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I think that's something a lot of people,
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they wrestle with.
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They don't realize they're wrestling with it, but
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it's something very important that I think we
4:26
need to be aware of.
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We need to be aware of.
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That's something I want to share with you.
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Number three, question thoughts you treat as facts.
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This seems hard because when you accept something
4:43
as a fact, it's like, well, maybe that's
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not true.
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A thought can feel completely true and still
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be an interpretation.
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Interesting.
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Ask yourself what evidence supports it and what
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evidence might challenge it right now.
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You got to be willing and open to
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ask yourself these questions, not the fact that,
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well, you know, I can't because the way
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I'm living is perfect.
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Well, it may not be.
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Number four, notice the stories you repeatedly tell
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yourself.
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Maybe your story is that you're unlucky, too
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late, not talented enough, or someone who always
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fails.
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Repeated stories can become identities if you never
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question them.
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We want to question things, not to give
5:40
ourselves a hard time, but to ask why
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am I doing something?
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Why am I going after that goal?
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I think that's an important one.
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Number five, stop letting yesterday predict tomorrow.
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No reason for that.
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The past contains information, not a guaranteed forecast.
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Learn from previous experiences without assuming they automatically
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determine what happens next.
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All right.
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A lot of people fall in that trap
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because someone else says, well, you know, you
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can't do it that way.
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The only way through it is this way.
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And they may be wrong.
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All right.
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They may actually be wrong.
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Okay.
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That's an important piece, I think, that a
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lot of people don't realize.
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Number six, replace automatic reactions with deliberate responses.
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So, create a small space between what happens
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and what you do next.
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That pause gives you an opportunity to choose
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instead of simply repeating an old reaction.
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Number seven, challenge beliefs that keep you small.
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Ask where those beliefs originated from.
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Were they built from evidence?
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One painful experience?
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Somebody else's opinion?
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Or an assumption that you've never really tested,
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but you thought was true, right?
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You thought it was true, but it may
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not be true.
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Number eight, please, ladies and gentlemen, think beyond
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your current circumstances.
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Your current situation matters, but it isn't necessarily
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permanent.
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Think about what could become possible through learning,
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planning, patience, and consistent action.
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Number nine, stop feeding problems with repetitive thinking.
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Thinking about a problem can help you solve
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it.
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Replaying it endlessly without producing a decision can
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simply make it larger in your own mind.
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Just shift or pivot from repetition toward a
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resolution.
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See, when we put ourselves on repeat, we
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just do, but we don't ask a question
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how we might be doing the job wrong,
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right?
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Number 10, change the question and change the
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possibilities.
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Hmm.
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We change the question, things in our life
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change, guys.
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Things in our life change.
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They change quite a bit, all right?
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So, this is very, very important to understand.
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Instead of asking, why does this always happen
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to me?
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Ask, what can I learn from this?
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Better questions direct your mind toward more useful
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answers.
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Number 11, notice where fear distorts reality.
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Fear can make one possibility feel like a
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certainty.
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Separate what could happen from what is actually
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happening right now.
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So, to do this, you have to evaluate
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risk without allowing fear to write the entire
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story.
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I mean, I know that's what a lot
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of people do, like, oh my gosh, this
8:52
is happening.
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So, I'm probably going down this path, and
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you may not be going down the pathway,
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but if you allow your brain to rewrite
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it, that could be wrong, right?
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That's important.
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That's an important piece, guys.
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A very, very important piece to understand and
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to be, I'm going to say, aware of.
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Okay, that's important.
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Number 12, please stop expecting different results from
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identical thinking.
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This gets me back to Einstein's great discovery,
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and that is insanity.
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Doing the same thing over and over again,
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expecting different results, that's insanity.
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So, we need to change what we're doing
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if we want to see different results.
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I mean, that's the kicker here, guys.
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That's how that works, okay?
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So, if the same assumptions keep producing the
9:52
same decisions, something needs to change upstream.
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New outcomes often require looking at the situation
10:00
differently, a different perspective, you know, will give
10:07
you different thoughts, will get you to come
10:09
to different conclusions, conclusions that you may have
10:13
never realized before, but they're actually right in
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front of you.
10:18
They're right in front of you, guys, right
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in front of you.
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Number 13, give new ideas enough time to
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develop.
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Don't destroy every unfamiliar idea during its first
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30 seconds.
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Explore it, ask questions.
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Some possibilities need time before their value becomes
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visible.
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Number 14, let evidence challenge old beliefs.
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You know, let the evidence speak for itself,
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right?
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And if you could do that, you could
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change your life, right?
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You could change your life.
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I think that's a real important thing to
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think about, okay?
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And you could change, okay?
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That's the key, guys.
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It's asking these questions and getting answers that
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could help us change who and what we're
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going after.
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What goals do we want in our life?
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Do we just accept something because somebody else
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says, oh, you know, that's the goal you
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need?
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Maybe we have no interest in that.
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For example, many parents want their kids to
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play baseball or football, but they may have
11:42
no interest in baseball or football, but that's
11:44
okay, you'll like it later.
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That's not really the way to go.
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When reality contradicts something you believe, wake up,
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pay attention to it.
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Growth requires being willing to update your thinking
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when better information becomes available.
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You know, it's like an update.
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Are you ready for that?
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And if you're not, then how do you
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move forward?
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I think it becomes a big problem.
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And people give up because things aren't going
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the way they want them to go, all
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right?
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And that's a big problem, guys, okay?
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But if you ask yourself these questions, you'll
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at least be able to make changes.
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You'll be able to make changes.
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That's a very important thing, guys.
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Can you ask yourself enough questions that you
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can actually get what you want?
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Can you?
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Or are you just going to be like,
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well, I'm just going to accept whatever comes
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and whatever it is, I'm just going to
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accept it.
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That's not a way to do anything, guys.
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Right?
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Definitely not a way to do anything.
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So I think that's an important piece that
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many people, they forget, all right?
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They forget.
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And the reason they forget is because they're
13:31
told by somebody else that this is the
13:33
way, but the way may not even be
13:35
close to what's right for them.
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Number 15, stop defending limitations.
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Sometimes we become strangely protective of the reasons
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we can't do something.
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Be careful not to turn limitations into identities
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simply because they feel or sound familiar, right?
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We fall into the trap called familiarity.
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And then we're like, oh my gosh, how
14:00
did I get down this road?
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You got comfortable and you fell into a
14:05
pattern and you kept repeating things and then
14:07
you got stuck into a life that you
14:09
didn't want.
14:11
Number 16, train yourself to look for options.
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When something goes wrong, ask what remains possible.
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You may not have the option you originally
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wanted, but that doesn't mean you have no
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options at all.
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It's time to ask questions, intelligent questions.
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A wise person once said to me, John,
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you know, ask good questions or intelligent questions,
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you'll get intelligent answers.
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Garbage in, garbage out.
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Quality in, quality out.
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Number 17, build a curious mindset.
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Instead of immediately being negative, be curious about
14:52
how things are unfolding in your life and
14:54
other people's lives, okay?
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Curiosity creates room for learning.
14:58
Before deciding an idea is terrible, ask, how
15:02
does it work?
15:03
Why does somebody believe in it or you?
15:07
And what you might be missing to this
15:10
could be the whole key that changes the
15:12
trajectory and says, you know what?
15:14
I'm on the right pathway now.
15:18
You're on the right pathway.
15:19
You might've always been on the right pathway,
15:21
but you might've just been, let's say slightly
15:25
off.
15:27
You were in the right stadium, but let's
15:29
just say you were in the wrong section.
15:34
I think that happens a lot to us
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in life.
15:36
You know, we're in the right arena.
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A lot of times we're just not in
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the right section.
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We're in the right row.
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Sometimes people are not even in the right
15:45
building or the right stadium, but a lot
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of times they are in the right stadium.
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They are in the right field, but they
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may not be in the right discipline of
15:55
the field.
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Number 18, question your first interpretation.
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Your first explanation isn't always the most accurate
16:04
one, guys.
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Before reacting, consider whether there could be another
16:08
reasonable explanation for what happened and approach that
16:14
in a manner that is going to make
16:15
sense to you, okay?
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Approach that in a manner that's going to
16:22
make sense to you.
16:24
I think that's a real big thing, okay,
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that a lot of people unfortunately miss.
16:32
They miss it because their eyes are peeled,
16:37
unfortunately, and tuned into negativity.
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A lot of people do this, right?
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I had somebody a few weeks ago say,
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oh, John, it's just never going to work
16:45
out.
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I'm like, well, with that attitude, of course,
16:47
nothing's going to ever work out.
16:48
You're never going to be able to go
16:51
anywhere because you're always knocking yourself.
16:53
You're always knocking the possibility.
16:55
Any opportunity that comes and knocks on your
16:56
door, you don't even get a chance.
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You don't even answer the door to see
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what it is.
17:00
Number 19, stop assuming difficulty means impossibility.
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It doesn't.
17:05
It means different.
17:06
Hard and impossible are not synonyms.
17:10
Sometimes we have to understand that something requiring
17:13
more time and effort, learning, or persistence doesn't
17:16
automatically mean it cannot be done.
17:19
It might take some persistence.
17:22
Number 20, think about who you could become.
17:25
Don't evaluate your entire future using only your
17:27
current capabilities.
17:29
You can learn skills, develop discipline, gain experience,
17:33
and become capable of things you aren't ready
17:35
for today, and that's okay because each day
17:39
you build a new concept, okay?
17:43
I think a lot of people will get
17:52
confused because they're not happy with where they
17:55
want to go, right?
18:02
That's important, right?
18:06
Definitely important.
18:09
Number 21, let experience update your beliefs, right?
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When you do this, your life can change.
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Experience should change us.
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When you've learned something new, allow yourself to
18:23
think differently.
18:24
You don't owe permanent loyalty to an outdated
18:26
conclusion, so don't act like you do.
18:30
Number 22, stop mentally living in previous failures.
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So many people do this.
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Oh my gosh, I guess I have to
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live like that.
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No, you learn from it and you move
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on.
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Study failure long enough to learn from it,
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then bring your attention back to what you're
18:45
doing now, not what you did before.
18:49
Yesterday shouldn't receive unlimited control over today.
18:52
I think a lot of people feel, well,
18:54
it didn't work last week, didn't work last
18:56
month, so it's never going to work.
18:58
That's a terrible attitude.
19:00
Number 23, build thoughts that support action.
19:05
Useful thinking should eventually help you move forward.
19:09
Ask what you can do next, what you
19:12
need to learn, who might be able to
19:14
help you, and what first step is available
19:18
to you right now, not tomorrow, not next
19:22
week.
19:23
What step is available to you right now?
19:31
And hopefully that's going to make you think,
19:34
make you think in a manner that I
19:36
think will change who you really are in
19:39
life.
19:39
But it's got to start with you asking
19:42
these kinds of questions.
19:44
If you don't ask these kinds of questions,
19:47
then guess what?
19:48
You're just going to become more frustrated.
19:52
And when your wheels keep spinning and they're
19:55
not going anywhere, people eventually go through what
20:01
my book is about, burnout.
20:04
They don't fall on the ground, but they
20:06
lose the desire to want to pursue something,
20:10
something they enjoyed for a while.
20:12
Now they lose the joys of life.
20:15
That's not fair.
20:17
Number 24, catch yourself spiraling.
20:20
One problem doesn't automatically mean everything is falling
20:23
apart.
20:23
Notice when your mind starts turning one setback
20:27
into prediction about your entire future.
20:30
Well, I dropped that.
20:31
The best one is somebody stubs their toe
20:33
or they break a glass.
20:35
Oh, the rest of my day is going
20:36
to be horrible.
20:36
And the rest of the day does go
20:37
horribly because they get their mindset that everything's
20:40
going to be bad.
20:41
And they just keep looking for things to
20:42
be bad.
20:42
And the universe is, okay, I'll show you
20:44
things are going to be bad.
20:45
You asked for it.
20:46
Number 25, choose perspective intentionally.
20:50
Perspective isn't about pretending something difficult is wonderful.
20:55
It's deciding which part of reality deserves your
20:57
attention so you can respond effectively now.
21:01
Number 26, stop strengthening what you want to
21:04
escape.
21:05
If you constantly rehearse fear, resentment, helplessness, or
21:09
reasons, nothing can change.
21:12
You may strengthen the mental patterns you're trying
21:15
to leave behind, but that's it.
21:18
You won't get any further to your success.
21:23
Number 27, your thoughts influence what you attempt.
21:29
If you decide something is impossible before trying,
21:31
your belief has already influenced the outcome.
21:34
It's going to make your muscles tired.
21:36
It's going to give you an attitude that
21:37
you can't go forward.
21:39
Give yourself enough openness to test what may
21:41
actually be possible.
21:45
Just because somebody said it can't be done
21:47
doesn't mean they're right.
21:51
Test it.
21:53
Number 28, better thinking creates better choices.
21:59
Thoughts alone don't transform a life, but they
22:02
influence decisions.
22:04
Better decisions repeated consistently can create very different
22:08
outcomes over time.
22:10
So a perspective, a shift, can actually affect
22:15
where we are and what we're doing and
22:17
what we're moving toward or going away from.
22:21
I think these are hard lessons, and when
22:25
something's hard, people say, you know what, I
22:26
don't want to deal with that.
22:28
It's where things get a little bit uncomfortable.
22:32
Call it hard.
22:33
Call it confusing.
22:35
That we learn, and by learning, like, oh
22:38
my gosh, I did this so great.
22:40
I want to do it some more.
22:41
I want to learn more.
22:44
There's always going to be people out there
22:45
that say, you know what, I'm done learning.
22:47
I finished high school.
22:48
I finished college.
22:49
That's a mindset, right?
22:52
We should be living and learning every single
22:54
day we're alive.
22:56
Number 29, a changed life often starts invisibly.
23:01
Before people notice different results, there may be
23:04
weeks or months or change thinking, better decisions,
23:08
stronger boundaries, learning, and disciplined action happening privately.
23:15
I've said this to you guys many times
23:16
before on shows, that what we do in
23:20
private eventually shows in public.
23:27
So be careful on what you practice alone,
23:29
because that will become the foresight into the
23:33
main world.
23:36
And you might be saying to me, John,
23:37
well, what do you mean by that?
23:39
It's very simple.
23:40
I mean that what you're doing in your
23:45
spare time, how you're doing things when no
23:49
one's watching, is the way you're going to
23:51
do them when people are watching.
23:53
So let's do things in a way that's
23:56
going to change and shake up the world
23:58
for the better.
23:59
Number 30, change your mind before demanding your
24:04
life changes.
24:05
Change your mind.
24:06
That's it.
24:07
Change your mind.
24:10
If you want a different future, examine the
24:12
thinking you're bringing into it right now.
24:14
You can't expect every circumstance to change while
24:17
refusing to reconsider anything inside yourself.
24:21
And that's where today's conversation becomes so vitally
24:25
important.
24:27
Changing your thinking isn't about standing in front
24:29
of a mirror and pretending, well, everything's perfect
24:32
today.
24:33
That's not what I mean.
24:36
Some problems are real.
24:37
Some circumstances are difficult or hard to swallow.
24:41
Some limitations exist.
24:43
Some setbacks hurt.
24:45
Better thinking doesn't deny reality.
24:47
It helps you respond to reality more effectively.
24:50
Instead of automatically saying, I can't, you ask,
24:55
what would I need to learn to do
24:57
this?
24:58
Or how would I need to approach this
25:02
so I could accomplish the goal?
25:04
Instead of saying, this always happens to me,
25:08
you can ask, what pattern am I repeating
25:11
that I need to change?
25:12
Instead of assuming failure means you're finished, you
25:15
ask, what did this teach me?
25:17
Now I'm ready to start forward.
25:20
Now I'm ready to go back to the
25:21
drawing board with all I've learned.
25:22
Instead of allowing fear to decide, and what's
25:25
fear or false, evidence appearing real, what's possible
25:28
for you, gather evidence on what really is
25:31
possible.
25:32
Test, be a scientist.
25:33
And instead of demanding certainty before you move
25:37
forward, you identify the best next step you
25:41
can take with what you know today.
25:43
That's a very different way to live.
25:45
That's called intentional living, and most people don't
25:47
do it.
25:48
Think about one area of your life you've
25:50
been trying to change.
25:51
Maybe it's your career, relationships, health, business, confidence,
25:55
finances, or something deeply personal.
25:57
Now ask yourself this, what am I repeatedly
26:00
thinking about this situation now?
26:03
Are those thoughts helping me take productive action?
26:07
Or are they reinforcing the exact pattern I
26:12
want to escape from?
26:13
Throughout this week, I'm going to explore what
26:16
it means to stop living a life you
26:18
never chose.
26:19
On Saturday, we challenged the rules you may
26:21
have inherited.
26:23
On Sunday, we questioned whether the goals you're
26:25
chasing actually deserve your life and time now.
26:29
And today, I'm going deeper by examining the
26:32
thinking that influences those choices.
26:34
Because you can walk away from somebody else's
26:36
rules and still carry their assumptions inside your
26:39
head.
26:40
Real change requires more than changing direction, guys.
26:44
Sometimes you need to think and choose the
26:48
direction.
26:49
So question what you've treated as fact.
26:52
Challenge beliefs that no longer match the evidence.
26:56
Stop rehearsing yesterday's failures.
26:58
Become curious about possibilities.
27:02
Look for options.
27:04
Ask better questions.
27:06
And then turn the thinking into action.
27:09
Your thoughts aren't magic.
27:11
They don't control everything that happens to you.
27:15
But they have tremendous influence over what you
27:17
notice, what you attempt, what you avoid, how
27:21
you interpret setbacks, and what you do next.
27:24
That matters.
27:25
I'm John C.
27:26
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
27:27
And this has been another amazing episode of
27:29
Inspirations for Your Life.
27:30
Remember this, ladies and gentlemen, a changed life
27:33
often begins before anybody else can see it.
27:35
It begins when you challenge an old assumption
27:38
and belief set.
27:39
When you ask a better question.
27:41
When you see another possibility.
27:44
When you make a different choice.
27:47
And when you stop allowing yesterday's thinking to
27:51
automatically design tomorrow.
27:54
Your life won't change until you change this.
27:57
The thinking behind the choices you're making today.
28:01
Be sure to check out BelieveMeChief.com for
28:02
more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
28:04
And get ready to change your thinking because
28:07
that'll change your life.