Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / The Art of Livin’ with Matthew McConaughey

Transcript

The Art of Livin’ with Matthew McConaughey · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Oh guys, guess what it's our season finale?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What season are we in? Technically three, but it was
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: sort of like a twice as big season as last season. Yeah. Yeah,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: we just decide when the seasons are going to be over. Yeah,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: podcasting is a wild West. You can kind of do
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: whatever you want. What's with climate change? It's everything is
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: so unpredictable. So we're applying that line of thinking to
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: podcasting exactly. Yes, this is our last episode of this
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: season and then we will be back shortly for season four.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Or yeah, okay, wow, what if success? You guys, it's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: a success. Yes, four seasons, that's yes, Chelsea. What do
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: you love about this show? Love? But oh okay, well,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: why don't you start? I'll start. You know, it's really
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: become this cool show where like people's lives are being changed,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: like people are making better choices, we're breaking people up,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Like it's so wonderful to see people bond with like
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you helped me to move my life into a better direction,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: or you know, get that job, or you know, say
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: no to that mother in law or whatever it is.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: People are really being filled with joy and also connecting
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: because of the show it's so exciting. Yes, and it's
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: very nice. What Catherine does goes the extra mile above
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and beyond for a lot of our callers, you know,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: they when somebody reaches out and is interested in hearing
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: more about a certain issue or recommendation, it's like, you
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: really do go the extra mile to make sure people
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, we're all in this together and we're
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: helping people, which is so nice. Yeah, I feel the
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impact.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people come up to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: me talking about my podcast and saying or our podcast,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: i should say, saying just how their lives have changed,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: and that they listen every week. And it's also a
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: really great reminder about humanity and that everybody just really
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: needs a little push at some point in their lives.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Everybody does, and that's essentially what this is is a
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: shove in the right. It's like a pep talk. You're
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: getting a pep talk when you're on the fence about
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: something or getting advice about how to handle, you know,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: a difficult situation in your life. And I think the
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: more adept we become at handling difficulty, the better we
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: are at helping others handle difficulty. Yeah, and so many
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: of these are universal truths, Like you know, you can
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: hear something that might not be exactly your situation, but
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: you're able to take a life lesson from that and
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: bring it into your relationship or bring it into your
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: life in a way that's really beneficial. I just think
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: that's really wonderful. Yeah, And I like helping people. It
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: makes me feel like I have a purpose. Even though
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like I do have a purpose, it's nice
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: that this is part of my purpose. Yes. My dad
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: always says that we're blessed to be a blessing, and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth of
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that you
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: can share it. Yeah, I read. Oh. I remember we
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: were talking about a quote a couple weeks ago on
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: the podcast, something about being a teacher, like when you
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: need the lesson, the teacher will show. When the student
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: needs the lesson, the teacher will appear. When the student
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: has learned the lesson, the teacher will disappear. It was
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: something along the line that line. I don't know if
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: it was Roomy or if it was someone else, but anyway,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: that's a very good way to look at people coming
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: in and out of your life. You know, sometimes it
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: takes you a couple times to learn a lesson, and
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: sometimes you can learn it the first time. And so
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: my goal moving on in life is to learn things
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the first time, the new lessons, not to have to
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: do things on repeat. Yeah, because then you offer yourself
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: up to a new experience the next time and you
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: don't have to repeat that. Absolutely. I used to go
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: to this raiky lady in oswee Go, Illinois, and she
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: had said, you know, when you get those taps on
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: the shoulder of a lesson that you're supposed to be learning,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: that is you know, your guardian angels trying to help
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: you learn the lesson, and if you don't get it,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: they're going to tap you a little harder, and they're
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: gonna tap you a little harder, and then eventually it's
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: going to be the two wife or that you know,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: sort of hits the upside the hat exactly, and it's
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: just it's sort of how life works. So I love
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: that learning the lesson the first time, right, Well, when
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: we're young and stupid, it's it's hard to know that
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you're even learning a lesson. You just feel the two
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: by four. You're just like, why does this keep happening
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to me? Why does this keep happening to me? And
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: it's like, no, it's not happening to you. You're happening
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: to it, you know, like you're not changing the way
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: you're thinking about something. So yes, these are all good
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: things to keep in mind. And I want to thank
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: everybody for being such loyal listeners and for your calls
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and all of it. We just love it, and I'm down.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: This audience is particularly awesome. Yeah they are, they are,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: but that's you know what. I have to credit myself
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: with that, because my audience has been fucking awesome my
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: whole career. Just badass, fucking women. Gay men, and the
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: straight men that are on board are really on board,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: and they're the cool kind of straight men, so I'm
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: down with them too. And of course, black men, I'm
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: always done with black man. I don't know how many
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: black straight guys are listening, but if you are, hit
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: me up. So what's going on, Catherine? I actually just
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: spent yesterday at Disneyland, so I am, Oh, Kurtfrede, you
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: know what, go fuck off? I am, honestly, I am
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: so sick of your shit. First the Eggs and now Disneyland.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I know, And I even wore my new little Mickey
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: shirt that's acute. Were at home instead? I'm wearing it. Brad?
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Did you go with her? Are you an accomplice? I did?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: excuse you guys. You can try, you can use them escapegoats,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: but obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh how
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: is your niece? How's it going so good? Are you
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: having nice conversations with her? Yeah, we're having a really
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: nice time. Their two nieces here, One is fourteen and
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: one is sixteen, And all you have to do is
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: be like, so, what's going on with your friends? And
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: then they go off for an hour on their friend
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: drama and yeah, great, right right? I kind of like
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: hearing about that drama. Yes, and one of my nieces,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: she's a new little girl friend and she's talking all
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: about her relationship and she's so happy and in love
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and it's just it's really sweet. It's wonderful. I mean, honestly,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I'm just glad they're past the phase where they only
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: eat macaroni and cheese, because on some delicious street tacos. Yeah,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: they're loving street tacos here in La. What's not to
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: love about tacos? Oh my god, it's the best. I'm
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: so excited. So No, we're having a wonderful time with well,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: my lesbian sister and I she's gonna be a lesbian.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: When I got done with her just planned our honeymoon
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all on
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: this email with our Safari guide planning like our African
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: trip because we're taking all our nieces and my ski buddy, Kelly,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: a different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: buddy Kelly and her two twins. I forget their names
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: right now, even though they're my daughters. No one is
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: we're all going Charlie, Seneca and Jordan, my three nieces,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and my sister, Simone and Kelly and her two girls.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: And so we're going for two weeks. We're going to
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Kenya and Tanzania, and then we're Simone and I are
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: going on a lover's week. It's just the two. She goes,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I have a week off after that. Do you want
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: to do something, and I was like, you bet, I do.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna go to Cape Town and we're gonna
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: go to Zanzibar a couple of nights. It's very fun
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: and exotic, I know. And she keeps like, He's like, okay,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: here's a villa. I'm like, we don't need a villa
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: for the two of us. She's like, yes, we do.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Stay away from me being my wing incredible. So I'm excited.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a big summer of travel. So we're
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: gonna have to We're gonna have to bank a lot
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: of episodes. Yes, we will do that. Okay. So our
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: next guest is an Academy Award winning actor and a
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: number one New York Times bestselling author of Green Lights.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey, are we in lining on time? Yeah? We are. Hi, Matthew. Hello,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: how are you? Chelsea? I'm great? How are you doing?
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: This is my co host, Catherine. Hi, how are you?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty good? Good? Great, great, Matthew. I am in
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: a state of being blown away because I read your
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: book in the last twenty four hours. I'll be honest.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I got it months ago and everybody was talking about it,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: and just like you describe in the book when you
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: were accusing somebody of not being interested in something, because
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: it was a success, it was popular, everyone was talking
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: about it, and I was like, oh, fuck it, I'll
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: read this later. And I read this yesterday in a day.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: It is so fucking impressive. I am so blown away
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: by the depth of your humanity, about the depth of
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: your soul searching. It's so a nice for a woman
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: to be able to read a man who speaks and
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: thinks the way that you do. We need more of that, absolutely,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: and the fact that you are just so in touch
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: with yourself is really remarkable. Wow. Cool, Thank you. That
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: feels good to hear that. Thank you. I bet yeah.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: The success of your book must have been a huge
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: boon to you to get all of this out on paper.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, how did it feel to get that kind
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: of feedback and that kind of reaction from everybody. Well,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: you know, you put something and you don't know if
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: it's going to stick or not. And I remember when
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I started writing it, I was actually found myself writing
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: to try and impress you are an audience, right, And
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, after a couple weeks, I
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: was like, that's not the way I gotta do it.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Make it this personal for me is possible, and hopefully
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: make it as entertaining as well, and then if it sticks,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: it sticks, And I got lucky. It hit a nerve
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: with some people. So the reactions that I've found in
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: travels and emails I've gotten from around the world to say, hey,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I saw myself in your stories. Hey, I'm taking more
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: risk to do things in my life that I was
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: afraid to take before. Hey, I'm gonna laugh this time
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: when I step and ship instead of thinking, oh my god,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: it's a crisis. I want to come across some cautions
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: in life and I'm gonna blow through them when I
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: should not give a CHRISTI so much credit, or I'm
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: going to slow down and take a little inventory just
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: to hear the feedback. It was. You know, when you
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: when you put something out, you have in your mind
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: what you hope a reaction will be, and if someone
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: says that, you don't say it out loud, but if
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: someone says that back to you, you're like, yes, that's
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: what I was hoping. And I got a lot of
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: that from the book, and that that felt really cool.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, the writing of it for me was I'm
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: not a guy who looks in the past. I like
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: to go forward and hey, what's in the background, what's
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: behind in the review mirrors, in the review mirror, So
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: to go back and look at who I was and
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: now I got here. It was fucking embarrassing. I was.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of shame. I was like, oh
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: my god, I can't believe you did that, this, that
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: and the other. But after a few weeks writing, I
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: started to laugh at that ship and started to gigging on.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Was like going, well, no, shit, man, you know he's perfect. Yeah,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: you're screwed up. Put that one in there too, put
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: that story in there. And that turned out to be
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: some of people's favorite stuff is when I'm writing about
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: me stepping and ship, me and Crow. You know, yeah,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: because I think it's very, very attractive when people are
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: able to not take themselves so seriously, especially in our industry,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: because it's it's a byproduct, right, you have to take
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: yourself seriously at times if you want to get serious
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: about working, or you want to get serious about accomplishing
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: whatever your goals may be, So to take yourself seriously
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: and also at the same time not take yourself seriously
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: enough that you can't expose the shortcomings or the embarrassments
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: or the self recrimination. Yeah yeah, I like to call that. Hey,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: I think we should take it all seriously, especially the comedy,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: especially the screw ups. Take them seriously, do and just
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: own them and go, yeah, I take that, you know,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: the comedy of my own life seriously. Do. So let's
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: put that up. I take the times when I eat
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: crow or follow my ass pretty seriously do, and let's
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: just put that out there as well. It was it. Look,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: it was you've written, you put something down on a page,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: and you're directing, you're writing, you're the main character. It's cleansing,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of. It clears up a lot
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: of things. I found out that I remembered a lot
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: more than I gave myself credit for. Meaning. I saw
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: things that I wrote down when I was fifteen, twenty
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: twenty five and was going like, oh, you're essentially the
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: same guy, the same person. You've evolved, I believe, I
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: hope so McConaughey, but you're essentially the same person. Oh
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: you do remember that. Even though I always like to
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: see this, I write things down so I can forget
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: them so they'll be there. You never do that at
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: the dinner table, and I know when I'll pull out
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: my phone and I always have to go, hey, I'm
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: not writing somebody else that's not here. I'm actually writing
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: a note of something you just said. And then I'll
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: show it to you and to go, Chelsea, did you
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: say that? And you're like, yeah, I did. I'm writing
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: that down so I can forget it and be present
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: in the situation again, because if I don't write it down,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be thinking the whole dinner. Don't forget that thing,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: she said. Don't forget that thing, she shaid. And so
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: there was a lot of freedom for me in writing
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: the damn thing and putting it out there. Matthew, are
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: you sitting in front of two flags right now? Yes,
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: we have an American flag and a Texas flag. I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: love it country, I love it well. You were supposed
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: to become the governor of Texas at some point, right
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: all this is supposed to become. I considered considered getting
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: in that run and then decided no, not for you, No, no, no,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's where I can be most useful.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Right now, I'm having too good. At a time, I
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: got three kids fourteen, thirteen, ten and the adventures were
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: going on. I'm not going to get them again. And
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: right now I'm enjoying being a dad, family man. Everyone
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: says it, but it's true. I got seven more years
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: and then they're out on their own, hopefully. And then
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: everyone says, get what you can while that weather in
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: the house, because it doesn't come back. You don't get
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: the time again. Yeah. Well, one of the things that
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: you talk about very emphatically in your book is becoming
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: a father. That was one of the one thing you
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: knew about yourself, you say, is that you knew you
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: wanted to be a father. And that's also a very
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: nice thing to hear a man say, to be that
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: passionate about it. And when you talk about your family,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: it feels like, you know, we have our first nature,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: our personality that we're born with, and then we have
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: our second nature, our experiences and the people who raise
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: us and your family sounds a fucking fun and be
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: like you'll never get away from them for your life.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: You are part of that ecosystem. Yeah, and that had
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: had such such a huge influence on you. Your father,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: your values, your morals, your mother, everything that you've been through,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: and now as a parent, to try and redistribute that right,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: that wealth of knowledge, but in a better way. I'm assuming, right,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: you think you can do almost a better job trying.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: How is that going for you? I'm happy that I
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: think it's going pretty well. Not making straight a's, but
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's going pretty well. I've got some considerate children.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully they can get out of the house confident, having
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: an idea of who the hell they are and who
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: they're not. Hopefully they can be conscientious. We'd i'd like
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: to talk about being a renaissance man or renaissance woman
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: to my daughter, but hey, you know, surfing them morning,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: conduct the the orchestra at night, be able to go
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: from shirtless and no shoes in the mud to a
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: to a tuxedo on the same day and feel at
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: home in both those places. We're filling their passports, which,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: as you know, I think is one of one of
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: the best resumes someone can have. You see a full passport,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you've got a pretty good idea that that person has
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: some wisdom of how the world works and how humanity rolls.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: You know, we got, like I said, fourteen thirteen, ten,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: we're just getting into those teen years. That's a whole
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: new roller coaster. You know, more rhyme, no less reason.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: And then when you have kids, I noticed or early on,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: that it's more DNA than I thought, meaning I thought
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: it was before I had kids. I thought it was
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: more the second thing environment, culture, what you're raised around.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: And I noticed early on that, oh, these these these
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: young people are who they are. I can shepherd them,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I can nudge them, I can put in front of
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: them what lights their fire and try to keep them
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that, they
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: are who they are. And so I've had to you know,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I use this line when it comes to discipline in
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: the family. I'm gonna treat you all fairly, but I'm
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: not gonna treat you all the same. And it's a
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: pretty fun one. We have a good time with the
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: fourteen and thirteen. I'm getting to that age where I'm
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: starting to become their buddy a little bit, which is cool,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: meaning like my daughter a callmeo're and go, hey, why
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about this thing, and
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: we can just talk where I'm not teaching, I'm not
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: talking as the parent, we're just jiving where my son
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: can go flipped on like an NPR the other day
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: and didn't want to listen to music, want to listen
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to I'm at fourteen. I'm like, God, and what do
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you get out of this? This this talk? He's listening
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: to podcast and stuff. I'm going, okay, okay. So I'm
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: becoming buddies with the older two right now, which is nice. Yeah.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I think that's the thing that's always has scared me
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: about parenting is having to be a teacher for so long.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: That always has been like, oh God, so many questions
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: that I probably don't have the accurate answers too well.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: And the other thing is you get that thing that
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: happens as parents is they'll ask you that question. Like,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: for instance, I got one of the book where my
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: eldest son comes to me and goes, why is before
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Camilla and I were married? He comes to being goes,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: why is it? Mama? On McConaughey, Well, those are those
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: questions where as a parent, you go, I better have
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: a fucking good answer for this because what I say
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: right now is going to be branded in their mind.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Or they ask you a big world question and you
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: go as a parent, and you may be tired, you
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: may have had a couple of drinks, it's late at night,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: and you go like, whoops, I better have a good
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: answer for this one, because what I say right now
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: they're going to remember forever. Oh and a good answer. Well,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: the good parenting is actually going and finding that answer,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: which resulted in you marrying your wife, right, because how'd
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: he not posited that question to you? Who knows when
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: you guys would have gotten married if maybe ever or
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: not ever might have sat there and day and neutral
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: and not set a date. But that did give me
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a kick in the backside to go, you know what,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: everything's going great right now, but let's couldn't take this
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: to another level and started start a new commitment and
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: adventure together. Yeah, okay, Well, with this book has led
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: to a very unexpected event, probably unexpected for you two
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: to a certain degree. You're doing a live event with
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Tony Robbins and some other people, Tony Robbins being probably
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: the most notable one. And it's called the Art of Living.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about it. What are you gonna be
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: on the end? Because life's a verb, that's right, Yeah,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: that's how we say it now not living. Yeah, So
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: that Tony and Dean read the book like the approach
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and came to me and said, look, it's a great
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: approach book. Do you want to dig deeper and maybe
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: make it more show the process so people can more
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: personally may have some transformation. And I was like, I'd
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: love to And they're great at that. So that's what
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: we're gonna do. On April twenty fourth. We're gonna go
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: live the two of them, myself, Trent Shelton, Mary for Lele,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna get under the hood of green lights
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: to how share how you can if anyone out there
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: can make it personal to their lives, how they can
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: we can understand if we're at a green light, our
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: highway of life, you know, when things are rolling and
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: we can't do no wrong, how do we trust that
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: green light that it's one that's gonna that that's one
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: that's gonna last longer and feed us for longer. What
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: do we do it a yellow light? Those pauses in
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: life where we're like, I gotta I gotta hit him,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: my giddy up a little bit, I gotta reconsider. What
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: do we do? We do we pause and have a
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: look over our shoulder and go, I'm gonna have a
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: look for the first time. Why I keep stepping in
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: that same pile of shit? Or do we say no,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna blow this. I'm gonna put the pedal to
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: the metal and blow this yellow light life because I'm
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: not gonna give the crisis credit because what comes after
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: the yell ight the red light, and that's the big
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: crisis is like pain, loss, Things suck, They feel like
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: that ends. I have learned, and I think it's true
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: for everybody that there is a gift in those red lights.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sure y'all getting in times your life for like
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: there is nothing I can get this is this just sucks.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: There's no lesson in this when you're in it, and
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: then later on go, oh I did get something from
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: that red light. Oh there was a gift in that.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna get under the hood of all that
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: to make that practical for people to go, how do
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I assess my green, yellow, and reds in life? We're
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: going to talk about defining more. You know, you hear
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: it all the time people, I want more, I want more,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: but we kind of we we forget to say more.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: What you know, it's like we want to be relevant,
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: relevant for what define our more. First admits some truths,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: admit some lives that we that we tell, and we
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: believe in our lives, so we can kind of be
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: more ourselves. Which you've done a really great job of that, Chelsea.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I mean you've gone and said it seems from the
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: outside that you've done a really good job of being yourself.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: So by hook or by crook, whether what you put
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: out considered works or doesn't is seen or sales or doesn't,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I sold out and I took a chance and I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: was somebody I wasn't And that always feels better, I
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: know for me, and I think it does for everybody.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: If you can do something authentically as you're self, if
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: it works out, hell yeah great. But if it doesn't,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: you don't feel like like you settled out to try
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and sell something on ourselves. So we're going to talk
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: about all those kind of things and try to make
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: them practical transformation for people. Yeah, I related to so
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: much of everything that you wrote in the book because
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you have honored yourself in so many different ways in
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: your career. And your personal life with your relationship with
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: your family, and that honor or, that kind of self value,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: self honor, self respect and respect for others, because I
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: don't really think you can respect other people until you
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: truly respect yourself, right, And I think that the way
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: that you've demonstrate in the book, like the times were like,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: as one example, just walking away from romantic comedies, which
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: was a fruitful and money and everything that you could
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: ask for that would make a regular person, would make
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: them think that they could be happy and exist on
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: that for the rest of their life, eating popcorn and
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: not desiring anything beyond that popcorn. And you said no,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: and you were offered lots of money, and you still
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: said no, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not doing that.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: And you waited and you waited. And I think the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: key ingredient for so many people who want to take risks,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: who don't think they have the courage or the balls
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: or whatever you want to call it, is because it's
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: just patience, you know, it's really it takes balls, but
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: it takes patience and knowing that you have to trust yourself,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: knowing that you are the person that you can trust. Yeah,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: can you believe in those times that time is actually
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: on your side. WHOA, it's tough, yes, man. And then
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: we make these plans and then you have babies that
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: you have to support and they're going Or I have
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: a friend who's like to get it planned out. At
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: thirty I'm going to meet the woman for me. At
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: thirty five, I'll be married and have kids. At forty,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: they'll be here thirty. He didn't meet the girl thirty five,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: he didn't have the family. He's started getting anxious, you know.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I write about it in the book. Before I met Camilla,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I was on the hunt. I was looking for the
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: possibility of my mate at every red light, in every
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: produce section, there's an angle maybe. And I was trying.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I was not being myself. I was not content with
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: myself to be patient. And then once I became that
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: man and sat back and trusted and was patient that, hey,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I don't have to keep looking I find it. If
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I quit looking so hard, well, that's when she showed up.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, with the career that two years that I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: took off, I got wobbley. I like to say it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: That old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: the counter. I started looking a little bit better. Earlier
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: in the day, I was like, I would like a purpose.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't have significance. I was like, what am I doing.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I considered other vocations, like maybe maybe I wrote a
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: one way ticket out of Hollywood. I gotta find another job,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: another career, and I hung in there. Luckily I had
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Camilla by my side, sitting are going like, this is
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: non negotiable. We made this choice, and we know it's
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: true to your soul, so we're not going back. And
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: there was never a choice of going back, but it was.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: It was spooky. And then all of a sudden that
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: patience paid off. All of a sudden, I was gone
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: from Hollywood enough to become a new good idea for
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: the JOm as I wanted to do, and the phone
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: rang for that, and all of a sudden went and
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: did all the things that I'd been wanting to do
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: that that the Hollywood was not offering me years before. Yeah,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: we got the reconnaissance. Yeah, the reconnaissance. That's great. Is
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: that a term? Oh? No, I wish I had People
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: magazine or something. I would tell you the story about that. No,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: tell us, get this out. He jeez. It was some
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: self marketing. So I'm gonna tell you ride. And I
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: think I was there with a movie. I had done
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Mud and something else, and uh, the guy in this
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: interview was going, I mean you're you're like, oh, really,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: you're on a roll right now. Man, you did this
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: and this this, it's like it needs a name or something.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: guy a minute ago and he actually called it the macconnaiss.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I threw it out there right and he goes, Manassan,
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I love that. You like that. I go, yeah, it
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: sounds good, man. So I snuck it. Then some abish
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: it didn't stick. I made that up in one interview,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: and it stuck. It gave it a little a little
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: song title, a little album. I like the idea of
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: coining a phrase about yourself. I like that a lot.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I'm also like, most people can't give themselves a nickname,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: but now you deserve beyond stuck. Get I got the
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I got the wink. Yeah, I love it. Okay, Well, Matthew,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: first let me ask you something before we start with
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: our callers. Have you been to therapy? No? Wow, I
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: have not been to therapy. I got nothing against therapy,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: you know, I was writing about this yesterday. So we
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: go to therapy, and again I got nothing against it.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I've seen it really work for people, and I might
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: want to go and need to go later in my life.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: But we go to therapy, and we learned to get
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: objective about ourselves, right. We go to therapy and we
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: learned to see, like, hey, or who we think we are,
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: what we're actually putting out is what we're putting out there?
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Is that what the world's receiving or is there a
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: big gap between those? You know what I mean? Are
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: we living a life where the rubber meets the road.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: And it's great because you get an objective sort of
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: third eye, a Google eye to the world of what
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: we're doing. But I do think we have to watch
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: with too much objectivity of awareness of like, well, how
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: is what we're doing landing? Well, how is it being
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: is it being received? We have to watch because it's
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: good if it leads us back to being more subjective.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Meaning what's great is when you just you're you're not
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: even being objective of all, You're just being the subject
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: in your life and you're just doing it and it
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: happens to be reciprocating that's green lights in life. You know,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that's great when it rolls that way and we all
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: need to hop back and go, hey, let's be considerate
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: and have a little check out context to the situation.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: That's that awareness of objectivity. But I do think we
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: have to watch the rabbit hole of going and trying
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: to be too objective for too long that we forget
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: to be the subjects in our life. So if therapy
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: leads us back to being a better subject, a better
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: a better individual without being sort of eating conscious of
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: what we're doing or what we're what we're doing, how
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: it's landing, I think it's I think it's very helpful. Yeah,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, because when you have too
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: much self awareness, it's almost like you're not even in
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing and how
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle I
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: had coming out of therapy. I'm like, fuck, I mean,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: when am I going to be able to go back
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: to me instead of making sure I'm making sure everyone's
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: okay around my behavior? It can just be paralysis of
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: analysis almost. It can immobilize us, you know, I mean look,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I got a mother who ninety one, and she's a
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: great example of the value of denial if you actually
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: commit to it, okay, if you really commit to it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: And look, she's not shallow. She's not a yellow person.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: But I asked her about four years ago because she's
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: wild ass, rebel, outlaw, and she was doing all these
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: things that were the opposite of what she had raised
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: me and my two brothers to do. We're like, I
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: was like, mom, come on, no one forgives you themselves
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: quicker than you. I was like, don't you have anything
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: at the end of the night, we like you go, oh,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I need to do that better. I need to work
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: on that. And she was like, oh, honey. Every night
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I go through a mental list twenty five things, the
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: things that I could do better, things that I want
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: to improve on. I go, ah, okay, good, she goes,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: you know, Matthew. But the thing is, when I wake
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: up in the morning, I forgot him all And she
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: just rolls like that. And like I said, she's not shallow,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: but she's there's a beauty in her inconsideration. What bruises
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: others tickles her, and she is proof that there's a
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: loophole in the Golden rule doing others you'd haven'm doing
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: to you. Well, not everyone wants to do what you
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: want to do, but she just ninety one. She just rolls,
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: and she's been doing that kind of all her life.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: And it's pretty awesome to see that simplicity because she's
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: not objective at all. She takes no context. She has
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: a lack of consideration, and it could be a real
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: pain in the ass sometimes, but ninety percent of the time,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: it's like, go girl, no, get it, keep doing what
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: you're doing. Yeah, she's a real renegade, as your father
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: was as well. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, So on not note.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: We are going to Catherine. You're going to teach up
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: what we have in store for Matthew today. Absolutely, we've
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: got some crises of conscience in here. We've got some
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: confidence issues, some what am I doing next in my life? Okay,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: So we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: and we're back. We're bad. Well. Our first question comes
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: from Sage. Sage says, Dear Chelsea, I am desperate for
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: your help. I feel like I've been stuck in this
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: identity crisis for years. I've lost sight of not only
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: who I am, but what's important to me. I feel
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: like I spend every day going through the motions, then
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden years have passed. I came to
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: the realization the other day that I don't actually enjoy
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: my life. I just get through the days. I feel
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: like I'm waiting for that light bulb moment or some
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: type of epiphany to wake me up. But I also
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: understand that's not realistic. How do I start enjoying life again,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: liking who I am, not caring what others think, taking chances,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: and living a life of happiness and purpose. I suppose
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where to start. I'm twenty seven now,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: and I know that I'm wasting my youth being lost,
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: and I don't want any more excuses. I'm ready to
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: live a life I'm proud of and that's true to me.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: But how do I figure out what that is? Thanks
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: an advanced stage. I'm gonna let Matthew take this from
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: the top because he seems to be on a real role,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: and then I'll follow up after. I just want to
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: say everyone feels like this at some point in their life,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: if not multiple times in their life, so just know,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: ay that this is not uncommon and you are not alone. Matthew,
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: why don't you go first? Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: because that is such we bypass that as far as
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: helping somebody out by going hey, just to know it's
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: not a singular experience. Just to know that, oh, hey,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: me too, helps so much sort of just flattens the
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: everything and takes the air out of the pressure. So
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: way to start that office saying hey, you're not alone. Look,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I'd say this a lot of this. We all want
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: to talk about who am I, what's my purpose? What
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: am I going to do? And we're trying to look
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: for that first. Don't look for that first, start with
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: something much easier. Because knowing who you are is fucking hard.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Knowing who you're not is easier. So start off with
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: the process of elimination. Start eliminating the things in your life,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: stags that don't pay you back, the people, the places,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: the things that you're doing. What did you eat, drink,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: whatever your habits that you know what. They may feel
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: good at the moment, but the next day they kind
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: of give you a hangover, or they didn't pay you back.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: You were in the debit section the next day, or
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: you felt like less after you left that group of
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: friends that maybe talked about certain things that well, maybe
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: we're funny at the time, it made you feel like
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: a heel when you left. Start eliminating those things. So
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: by process of elimination, when we get rid of the
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: things in our life that don't pay us back, that
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: don't feed more of who we are by sheer mathematics,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: you end up with more room for the things that
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: will feed you and we'll pay you back. Line up
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: in front of you. So start with eliminating who you're
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: not to get to who you are. Yeah, I like
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: that a lot. I also would like to say, you know,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: when you're having all these kinds of feelings that aren't
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: giving you positive vibes, right, the important thing, I think
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: the first thing that you need to do is learn
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: how to get really still and get really quiet so
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: that you can understand exactly what your desires are and
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: what and how you want to You know what makes
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: you excited, what gets your heart rate up, what gives
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: you excitement When you think about fashion, or do you
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: think about television, or you think about like what is
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: your retail whatever it is, there's no judgment on it.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: It's whatever your desire is, what draws your attention, what
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: keeps you interested, what helps you stay focused when you're
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: on that subject matter, Like, those are the things that
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: you need to find out about yourself, and the way
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to do that is to really kind of go within.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: You have to be still with yourself. You have to
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: give yourself like space and time to be quiet, to
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: not have noise around you, to not have influence around you,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: to really sit down with a book, sit down by yourself,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: sit down to reflect, to meditate, however you want to
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: frame that. But it's about the inner desires because your
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: body will speak to you. You will speak to yourself
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: when you've given the time to do that, Like it's
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: a matter of self respect in a way, you're allowing
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: your body and your mind to tell you what they want.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: And this is all going to sound very spiritual and
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: big worldy to you if you haven't done this yet,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: But I promise you, if you make this a practice
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: of just trying to get in touch with yourself, there
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: will be a voice inside your head that is on
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: your team, that is going to direct you and tell you,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: just like there's always a voice telling you that you're
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: not good enough, that you're not smart enough, that you're
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: not brave enough. There's a voice, your real voice, that
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: is centered, that will guide you, and you have to
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: trust that that intuition, that self, knowing it's there for
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: each one of us. And the only times we get
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: separated from that voice is when we're not focused and
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: we're not centered. And it's easy to disengage, but it's
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: it's easy also to get back on the track. You know,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: it's not It doesn't take that as much as you
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: think it's going to take. And obviously I can't tell
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: you what your purpose is. You're going to have to
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: find out what your purpose is for yourself. But the
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: more time you spend with yourself with less noise around you,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: the more in tune you're going to get with yourself
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: and you're going to understand what you need to do
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: to move the ball forward in a direction that's going
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: to make you excited about your life. And also understand
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: that you're not always going to be excited about your life,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: but you want to be optimistic about your life, and
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you want to be you know, challenging yourself and going
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: to new areas and doing things that scare you or
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: that you can't and taking risks. You know, all of
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: these things are part of the equation. So I would
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: start by doing that. You know, if it's a meditation,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: then make it a meditation. But give yourself some time
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: each morning or each day whenever you can, twenty minutes
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: and just be still and sit in a garden or
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: buy trees in nature and just sit with yourself, and
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: you're gonna come up with more answers than you would
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: ever even believe that twenty minutes if you hadn't done it.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: It feels like hours when you first start. But don't
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: pull a parachute. Don't back out. What Chelsea's saying is right.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Stick with it. It gets easier and easier. But when
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: you first do it, you will not like the company.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Every time I go off on one, I do not
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: like the company. I cannot stand the dialogue that's going
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: on mad, But be stick with it through that time.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: What do you end up realize? You realize that you're
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: the best company and you're the only company that can't
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: get rid of them. So we've been trying to freaking
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: it alone. Yeah, yeah, totally so fun. It's so true,
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: it's so fucking true. I mean, I can't tell you
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: how noisy my life was for so long until I
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: did this and I hated the company. I was like,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: you're so annoying this this, and then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I only want to hang out with you, like you're
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: the best company. You know, even when I go skiing. Now,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I try not to let my friends know.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Like when I'm in my skis, I try not to
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: let my friends know because I want at least a
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: few runs by myself. And they can never understand why
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I want to ski alone. I'm like, because it's fucking
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: more fun to be by myself sometimes than to be
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: around other people. So anyway, start doing that stage stage right. Yes, yes,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: keep in touch with us and connect with us. And
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: when you've had a little bit of an awakening, I
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: guarantee you it's coming. Just have faith in the knowledge
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: of yourself and just start practicing some alone time and
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: real thoughtfulness, and I promise you you're gonna get where
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: you want to go. Yeah. Absolutely, Like this is what
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: happens at times in your life, but especially when you're
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: twenty seven. Like twenty seven, everybody feels this way, because
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: you're in this like crucks between the young adulthood that
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: you've just been in and like adult adulthood, and it's
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: just a weird flection point where you feel so much change.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: And I think all the sevens are like that. Twenty seven,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: thirty seven, forty seven, there's something about and I think
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: in Judaism, yeah, seven is a number where pivotal things happen.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: So it's all good run towards it. It's all good
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: exciting because new things are going to happen. Yep. Well,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: our next question comes from Sean. Sean says, dear Chelsea.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: I'm a thirty seven year old flight attendant from Kansas City, Missouri.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: It goes without saying that I am, of course gay.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I've been a flight attendant for five years and people
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: always say, oh, what a dream job, or that's what
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: you were meant to do. I enjoy the perks of
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: my job, but have you met people? I have to
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: deal with almost three hundred of them for eight hours
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: inside in a loop. Can no one dreams about that? Sure,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great, but I
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: know this is not viable for the long term. I've
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot, but
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: that still feels like settling. Several years ago, some friends
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: who did stand up informed me that I was funny.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I legitimately had no idea due to my penchant for
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: thinking I have no valuable skills. They asked me to
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: do a little set at their show and I agreed. Well,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: I killed it. I felt like I was in the
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: right place for the first time, they laughed when they
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: were supposed to. They clapped. It was amazing. I did
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: it again, and I didn't do as well, but still
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: pretty good. Now It's been years since I've done it.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Because I'm so scared of being disliked, I would be
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: stuck doing open mic nights in Kansas City. I'm scared
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: of not only doing poorly, but I'm also nervous about
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: the rednecks hating me just because I'm gay. Plus I'm
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: burnt out, so I just don't feel funny or creative.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: How do I move through the stress and bullshit to
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: get back to a place where I can be funny
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: and confident. I know I'm still young, but I would
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: hate to look back on my life and regret never
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: doing anything that was actually difficult I just finished your
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: special Revolution, available now on Netflix, and it just solidified
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: that I want to do what you do, Chelsea. I
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: want to make people laugh and find a way to
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: find humor in this craziness. Thank you for being you,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: and I promise you really are changing the world. Sean Hi,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: Sean hi Hi. Our special guest today is Matthew mccataughey.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: What a tree. Oh my gosh, Hi, Bucky am I
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I know, I know. Look how cute you look too?
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: How are you? My god? Thank you so much? Get
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: this gorgeous hair. I'm great. How are you guys? Yeah,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I'm great. You've met Catherine obviously, this is I'm my
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: co host. Well, it's nice to meet you. You too,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm gonna go first, Matthew. Okay, I'm gonna
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: just since this is a stand up comedy question and
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: you just watched my special, and I've felt like you
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: before at different times in my life where I'd had
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: no creativity, I didn't know if I was funny, I
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: didn't care, I didn't want to work, blah blah blah.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: I understand where you're feeling. You have to understand a
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: how lucky and fortunate you are to know what lights
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: you up. That's what every person is looking for. Our
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: last caller was trying to find that light. You know
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: what lights you up, you know what makes you feel
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: something that you really want to feel in this life.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: And that's the biggest thing, you know what I mean?
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: You know that now you just have to walk that
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: avenue to get where you're going. And that's easier than
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: you ever thought it was. Yes, you're gonna bomb, You're
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: gonna do badly. People aren't going to always like you.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: That's not the point. The point isn't to get everybody
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: to like you or to succeed all the time, because
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: there's no growth or learning in either of those things.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: That's just a cherry, you know, like that's oh great,
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: I have that moment. It also doesn't last forever. The
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: idea is to get really just better incrementally at something,
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: And in order to get better at something and to
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: make a career out of it, you need to fucking
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: start doing it. So you have to start performing. It
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter if there are rednecks, it doesn't matter if
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: there are people that don't like gay people. It doesn't matter.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: You know, that's even a better challenge to get the
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: people that won't necessarily be it's predisposed to liking you
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: to like you, you know what I mean, You're going
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: to be surprised. A lot of those people are going
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: to like you, and you're not going to believe it.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: But in order to do that, you just have to
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: start the action. And you're a flight attendant. It's a
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: great way to practice material on people. You have new
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: people revolving through your door or your aluminum can, as
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: you say, which is a very apt description. I don't
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: know how the fuck you guys do that. But you
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: have an audience to play with at all times, so
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: you can be practicing your material at all times. Like
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: you have all these advantages. I think that you're looking
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: at as disadvantages and they're not right. That makes sense, Sean.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Where Chelsea's saying you've got an audience on that aluminum can,
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: sounds like you also have a huge source of your
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: particular comedy. I mean you're opening question. You know, I'm attendant,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: I'm on alumini canists or three hundred people instead of
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: steel can and without saying it, yes, I'm gay. That's
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: already so I was already laughing at that, just your
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: delivery of how you wrote the question, those three hundred people,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: the different idiosyncrasies or the ship they do. But she's like,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: are you kidding me? That sounds like great material where
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: you're getting new material with every flight, right, So it
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: sounds like maybe just keep an ear open for every
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: one of those things. When you get annoyed at somebody
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: in seventeen a clockett, Oh that's gonna be a good joke.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: Oh that's gonna be a good turn of phrase. Oh
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: that's I'm gonna use that every time you get annoyed
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: at somebody, look at him. Go how could that be funny?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Or how could that that actually could be funny if
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: I'm telling someone else because someone's gonna go, no shit,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: I know people do that. They're gonna go. I didn't
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: know people do that really? Oh shit. I'm like, you've
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: got great source material in all thirty having many rows
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: of people, those three hundred people are sitting in. That
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: makes sense, Matthew. Do you also have some advice on
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: like how Sean can reclaim that confidence that he felt
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: the first time he performed? How do you reclaim a
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: look some of it. I'm gonna go back to what
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: I was talking about my mom with being a queen
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: of denial. A lot of it is. Look, I've I've
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: had thousands of days at work where I'm not confident
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm just gonna blow through it. I'm
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: gonna make sure one and I have to convince myself
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: that eighty percent of me doing the job can showing
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: up and is getting there. And I've had some of
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: my better performances when I was not confident walking the Rangers.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: That's going, man, I am and then found it in
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: the performance. But showing up and going and doing record
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: and what Chelsea was saying, you're gonna bomb huh huh,
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: no shit, you know you're gonna have lines of man.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: When I rehearsed that, it was I was right on
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: the money. Everybody and I and I and I and
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: I waited too long or or I got I got
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: excited and I blew through the pause that set up
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: the punchline. So what do it the next time? But
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: it's just I think getting back out there and doing
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: it and doing it the next time. I'm doing it
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: the next time and by practice, when I find you
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: build confidence when you start to get a little better
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: at something you know, or when you start to feel
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: a lot of people say I don't like what I'm doing,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: you can start to dig it by just purely getting
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: better at something. It's fun to get better at something,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: to improve and become more competent at something you know.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: It's also fun to flip the script of your attitude
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: towards it, Like your nervousness can be excitement, you know
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: what I mean. You can be like, oh, this is great.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: My very first jokes were about waiting tables. When I
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: started doing stand up because I was I got a
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: d Y. I had to go to d Y class
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: where they made everybody get up and give a speech
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: about their dui. And I was so scared shitless of
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: public speaking that I would hide in the back of
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: the class, hoping this guy wouldn't call on me. And
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: when he did, I got up and told my dy story.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old and the whole place
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: was dying laughing, and I didn't get off stage. I
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is fun. And then the dui
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: guy came up. He's like, hey, listen, this isn't stand up,
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: Like this isn't as a comedy club. Get off the stage.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: And everyone was like, you got to be a stand
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: up comedian. And I was like, oh, that sounds scary,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and I was like, but I guess I have to.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I had what are my other options? I mean, what
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: was I going to do? I didn't know. I just
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: thought I had to be a public person. So I
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: my whole material was like people asking me what the
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: specials were and me actually saying what I wanted to
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: say to people, you know, like, as if you're going
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: to even remember this fucking meal in seven days, who
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: gives a shit what the specials are? Figure something out?
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: You know, my ass in your face is the special. Like,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I just had a whole slew of material about waiting tables.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: You can do exactly the same thing that Matthew said
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: to start and launch your creativity, and you're going to
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: naturally move and flow and ebb and flow and all
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: the things and bomb and succeed. You're going to have
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: it all, but go into it knowing that it's a
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: full breadth experience and don't expect everything to just go well.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: That's not the way we grow, right. I think that's
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: what's scary is than not doing well. It's I think
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: because the first time I did stand up, they introduced
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: me and the crowd was applauding, and I got up
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: on stage and the very first thing I said was
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I kind of expected that to last a little bit longer,
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: and they like started applauding again, and I was just like,
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: oh shit, they like they're doing what they tell them
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: to do, and so it's like this high and I'm like,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want to like, what if I would have
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: said that? And then they were just like, yeah, well
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: it's not gonna last long, right, Yeah, But what if?
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Because there's there's so many millions of other people that
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: have your desire and are doing it, do you know
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Maybe not millions, but thousands definitely that
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: are doing you. Yes. How much? How much of stand
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: up is entertaining yourself? A lot? A lot? I mean,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: when you think that joke's funny by hook or by crook,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: f then the crowd, if they laugh or not a
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: lot of times it becomes funnier to them because you
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: enjoyed that joke. You think it's funny, right, Yeah, for sure,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: it's hard to if you don't get the reaction, it's
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: hard to relax and go yes nobody, Yeah, clap from
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: a center. Whatever that is. You know, I mean, how
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself. Well,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: a lot of it's entertaining yourself, but it's also a
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: practice of like I tell stories all the time in
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: my personal life, and when I see that they get
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: a big reaction, I'm like, oh, that's a story for
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: the stage. If you know, my stand up is very personal.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Your stand up may be very joke oriented, but I
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: think anything that comes from your personal truth is valuable
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: to creativity. You don't want to pretend you're someone you're
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: not you. Obviously, being a stand up relies on the
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: audience laughing at some point. You know that is part
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: of it. So yes, you want to get there. But
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: you know, Matthew and I discuss this a little bit earlier.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: We touched on not taking yourself too seriously. You want
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: to take everything seriously. But any moment like that is
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: not a life altering changing moment in a negative way.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: It can always be a life altering changing moment in
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: a positive way. But a moment on stage is just
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: never going to crush you the way that you are
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: fearing like your you're letting you yourself be led by fear. Instead,
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: you got to be like bring it on, Like, let's
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: bring it on. Let's get the scary parts over with.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Like the sooner you get on stage, and the more
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: you get on stage, the quicker all of that stuff
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: is going to be out the back door. So like
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: get moving. Yeah that makes sense, you know what I mean? Like,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: is there somewhere you can go do a set, like
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: a stand up comedy club where you live? Yeah, there's
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: a ton of places here in Kansas City that have
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: like there's like open nights and stuff. Yeah, yeah, do it.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Just start doing it. Makes you make us a commitment
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: that you're going to do it. What this week? Next week?
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: When can you get on stage? Yeah? I can, I
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: can do next week? All right, make that commitment to
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: us and yourself and go do it. Okay. I may
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: tell you one thing that my mentor Pinealem, my greatest
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: mentor this this woman of nineteen years told me, and
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: it was so liberating. Where I go every day every
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: job and then every every morning work. But I tell myself,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: I tell myself, can I I dare you to screw
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: up golf? I dare you to screw up? Dare yourself
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: to screw up. Watch how I found that I screwed
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: up less when I dared myself to screw up, I
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: dare you to eat shit here, it just kind of
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: like popped the bubble and all so much pressure is off.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: I'll give myself right there, So try and screw up
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: there you Okay? I like that. Yeah, even if it
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: goes badly, it's five minutes in the beginning, so it
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Then. It's just the only thing that matters
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: is you making the step in the right direction of
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: what's going to really fill your soul up. And it
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: sounds like you know what that is. Look at that
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: as a gift instead of a negative, and just run
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: towards it, you know. And anytime you have a bad set,
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: that's like great, because if when you have a bad set,
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: the next one's always the best one. I speak from experience. Yeah, okay,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: thanks for calling shot break a leg I mean sorry, Yeah,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. We have one other caller. Her
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: name is Carrie, a friend of about sixteen years has
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: recently professed his love for me. I've known he's had
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: a crush on me for a long time. He always
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: tells me I'm his type with his recent admission of
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: being in love with me, I thought, sure, why not,
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: let's try it. I warned him that he's setting himself
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: up to get hurt and that I may never get
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: the feelings for him he has for me, but he
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: wants to try anyway. I told him I can't just
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: flip a switch from friendship to relationship, so I asked
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: him to court me, and he's been trying really hard.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: The trouble is he's not my type. I don't really
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: have a strong physical attraction toward him, but the person
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: he is and the time we spend together I love.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a disaster with dating and have
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: been single most of my life. I'm forty eight. My
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: longest relationship of three and a half years, was with
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: a woman. Though I don't identify as a lesbian, it
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: just felt right at the time. I don't know what
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: it is with men. I just seem to find fault
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: in all of them and end up breaking up with them.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: So Carrie told me that they dated for about a
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: month and she finally kissed him or they and she
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: got the ick and didn't want to continue. But I
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: think the bigger issue that came out of the conversation
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: is that Carrie's having trouble finding chemistry in general with
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: other people that she's dating. So I thought we could
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: explore that, explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: going on there. Okay, yeah, Hi Carrie. Hi, Hi there,
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: This is Matthew McCarney. He's our special guest today. Hi. Hi,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Hire. You know Catherine. Obviously you
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: guys have spoken. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So yeah,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: so she told you that it went sideways. Well you
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: had a kiss, right, that was it? Yeah? So we
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: dated for almost six weeks. We tried the dating thing,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: and he was doing because I asked him. I told
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: him he has to court me because you know, I'm
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: not just going to date him for no reason. And yeah,
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: he finally asked me on Valentine's can we kiss? And
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: I said sure, and honestly, it was like kissing a
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: family member. Okay, Well, let's go back. You said that
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: you have problems with intimacy with men, right, is that
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: what you said? Is it men or you don't have
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: problems like that with women? Well, it's not so much
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: with all men. I'm kind of more of the I
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: like the wine, not the label kind of thing that said.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: I've dated more, way more men than women, So I
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: think with men it's just I do have some trust
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: issues with men, so it is harder for me to
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: get closer to them. I also find men over forty
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: extremely needy, and that is like one of my least
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: like I just it's so unattractive to me, so that
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: part is hard as well. Well. I think if you
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: have self admittingly that you have a lot of guardrails up,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: it's very hard to break those down. And I think
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: that should be your number one objective right now, because
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: I don't think you can probably clearly even kiss this
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: guy while you're looking for excuses to not like him,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I had the last
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: guy I dated, I was friends with for fifteen years
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: and was never attracted to him, And it took a
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: long time and I did. I fell in love with him,
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: I became attracted to him. I was couldn't even believe it,
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: you know, I said, there's no way, there's no way,
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: and then it happened. So I don't think it kisses
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: definitively the end or the beginning of anything. I think
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: that you have some work to do about being open
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: and not every guy is that needy, Not every guy
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: is anything. Look at Matthew McConaughey. He's sitting here. He
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: just wrote this book. Well he didn't just write this book,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: but he wrote a book that you should read called
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: green Lights. I read it. Oh oh great, all right,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: so then you know about green lights? Yellow lights exactly, exactly, yeah,
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: yellow light right now, yeah, exactly. It's nice to hear that,
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: you know, because I know with you and Joe you
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: were friends for a long time and then so how
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: long did it take for you be able to be
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: able to look at him that way? Well, it's funny
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: you say that because in therapy, when I was wrapping
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: up therapy because I needed a break, I said, am
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: I supposed to be in a relationship? I just don't
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: feel like the relationship type like that. It's not I've
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: never been boy crazy, you know. I don't go god,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: you know, like when I'm single, I like it. I'm
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: not trying always to find a guy. And I just thought,
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: maybe something's off with me. And he said, you have
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: too many barriers up. You just have roadblocks all around you,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: he said, and you have to strip those away until
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: you're going to see somebody for who they are, not
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: what they represent, you know, not the fact that he's
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: wearing Prada jumpsuits that make me sick, or if we're
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: driving around in Ferraris that makes me cringe. Just I
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: had to get past all of my bullshit and finally
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: just see him for who he was, which is a
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: real person, you know, and those things don't define a person.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: And I understand if you don't feel like you have
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: chemistry when you kiss somebody, it's hard to even think
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: about kissing them again or anything like that. But this
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: feels like it's a good opportunity for growth for you
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: in terms of really kind of trying to strip away
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: your layers and go into things that make you uncomfortable.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: Not to a degree where you have to go of
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: sex with somebody that you're not interested in, but to
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: a degree where you're pushing yourself to perhaps go out
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: with him again and try it again, you know, and
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: if it's not him, another guy or another woman like whomever.
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: But as a practice for yourself, not necessarily to be
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: in a relationship, but in a practice of like tearing
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: down the things that go look to you when something says,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: look to you or you have that feeling, you've got
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: to make a note of it and go, oh, that's
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: a yellow light. Is that about me? Or is that
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: about him or her? Right? Right? And I'm pretty sure
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: it is about me, because you know, we have all
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: the things in common. I'm like, if this doesn't work,
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: how the hell am I going to date anybody else
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: that doesn't have all these boxes ticked right? And it
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: was just kind of that all it's lacking is that spark,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: you know, when you kiss somebody and then you want
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: to sleep with them. And that was kind of like,
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I don't really want to sleep with you. That said,
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: I have slept with him in the past, so my bad.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: I've maybe sent off the wrong signals exactly. So you
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: sleep with him past, you know, or not your beat?
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: One thing? I hear you, I hear you. Kind of
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: keep doing this. It's what Chelsea was saying. You said
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: a minute ago, I like the wine, not the label. Yes,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: you're but you are labeling exactly what you want and
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: you have your own labels, which happens all this with maturity.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: As we mature, we get kind of set in our ways,
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: and no, it needs to fit this and this is
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: how I this is how my life goes, this is
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: what I expect, and we're less malluable. And what I
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: hear Chelsea's saying, which I second, is relax your own
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: labels on yourself and the boxes that he or any
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: other man needs to absolutely fit for you. So maybe
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: just enjoy that one without looking at the label a
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: little bit. And I think that's what Chelsea's saying is
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: if if it's not just perfect, to cut yourself or
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: you go, wait, that that didn't fit, that didn't fit,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: that didn't go exactly how I wanted it to be.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: That kiss didn't make me want to go further. Well
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: maybe that was all it was needed. Right then maybe
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: start Sometimes you get to know that you already got
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: your asset with this guy, is that you already got
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: a friendship? Well not anymore there, Yeah, it was there.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: The last eighteen years are not gone. Whatever y'all formed
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: over eighteen years, it's not like white outs over it.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: It's still there. You want to rekindle that and go.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: You want to pick back up and just go have
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: a freaking cup of coffee and not kiss. You want
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: to get back at doing some things that we like
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: we used to like to do just together and just
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: maybe that's maybe restarting there. And if you know that
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: if the kiss works, it'll probably be the time where
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: he doesn't ask you or you don't ask him, and
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: it just happens exactly and when, and go back when
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: you were asking me about when it happened for Joe
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: and me, we had hung out for over a year
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: before anything happened. And when it happened, I made it
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: happen because it had to come from me. And I
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: would suggest hanging out with them with you first of all,
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: repair whatever damage has been done, which you can easily
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: do over an eighteen year relationship, and say, let's just
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: try this again as friends. Let's see if it goes
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: anywhere in a more natural progression, because I think if
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: he ticks all these boxes a it's worth another go.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: You do you know what I mean? You're saying, all
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: he has got all these things except for your feelings
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: towards him, and that can happen. That comes up for
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: people all the time. They fall in love with their
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: friends all the time. You can't force it to happen.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: It has to naturally organically happen, and you can continue
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: to spend more time together. You don't have to kiss
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: each other or fuck each other or whatever, but spend
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: more time and see if it happens naturally. And also
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: as a test for yourself, also explore that with other
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: people too, you know, because I'm glad Matthew said that
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: about the wine and the label, because as soon as
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: you made that declaration, it was clear that you're doing
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: the opposite of what you think you're doing. You don't
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: have to make declarations about who you are, you know
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: what I mean. So I think that you might think
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: you're looking at the wine and not the label, but
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: it's quite the opposite, right, fair enough. I think right
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: now is good that this call worked out when it did,
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: because I was actually thinking of writing him or letter
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: because right now he's just cut me out of his
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: life completely, unfollowed me on duo, lingo and good Reads
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: and Facebook and all the things that we shared common
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: interest in. And I text him and I was like,
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: so my biggest fear was losing in the friendship. And
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: he just said, I can't be friends with you because
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: I'll always want more. And I thought, okay, so you're
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: just willing to throw away eighteen years of friendship because
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: your feelings are hurt. So it's like, at this point,
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: is it crossing a line to write him a letter
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: and just be like, hey, maybe we didn't try long
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: enough or I don't know. At this point sounds like
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: you're very similar. Maybe just simplify a little bit. And
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: then if you do write him a letter, which sounds
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: like you should, because about eighteen years, you don't want
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: to throw that out like that was a nothing part
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: of your life. That was real. Whether it works out
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: for you all or not, that was real. You built that.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: You don't want to throw that out completely. I mean,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: if you do write him a letter, be considerate. I'm
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: sure he feels like he got bruised or lost or
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: made an advance and you had it and then you
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: were like, Nope, that's it. He probably feels a little embarrassed,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: a little shame, a little loss, a little less just
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: maybe as a friend. Go man, if this has out
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: and made you feel I didn't mean to hurt you,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: but that's how I felt. This is all so damn complicated,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: and you want to go back back back a few
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: months before we before that kiss, and just start with
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: when we were high fiving and go have a couple
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: of coffee or a walk and start right there some
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: simple shit and maybe maybe cuss each other out and go,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: this fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: That could be it could be fun. You know. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: I agree with that, and I think you should definitely
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: write him a letter, but also acknowledge his feelings. Definitely
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: acknowledge the fact that he was the way he may
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: be feeling right now. But you know, as an effort
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: to retain this friendship, you can say, in the hopes
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: I want to have these feelings for you, I'm willing
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: to try this again, but we also have to be adults,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: People have been turned down before and been able to
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: maintain friendships. You know. Obviously he needs a little bit
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: of time to get over what he's dealing with. But
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: I think that you should really definitely focus on some
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: of the things that we said to you about looking
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: within yourself and figuring out, you know, what your stipulations
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: and kind of roadblocks have been and kind of just
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: try to open them up and just kind of be
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: open to whatever. Don't have it in your head the
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: way that it needs to look perfectly right. Absolutely, well, Carrie,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Okay, for sure, Thanks, Okay,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: good luck. Forty eight's great. I just turned forty eight,
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: and I'm yeah, I'm kind of at that age where
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I'm not one of those people
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: that is desperate to be in a relationship. I actually
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: quite like being single. And that's probably part of the
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: problem with dating, is like I'll start dating and then
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: I'm like, we're actually single. It's not so bad. So yeah,
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely at forty eight. I'm not even at forty eight.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not in a rush to get into any sort
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: of relationship, but it would be nice. Okay, take care,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: nice to speak with you. Thanks. Okay, we're running out
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: of time, so we're gonna take a quick break and
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: we'll be right back. And we're back. We're back. That
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: was awesome, Matthew McConaughey, you were great, has predicted. Yes,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: thank you so to this event. To Matthew's event that
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: he's hosting with Tony Robbins. It is a virtual event.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: It's called Art of Living Live on April twenty four, Right,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: so you can go online and register at art of
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: livin event dot com and sign up. It's actually free
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: to attend, so go check it out. Oh yeah, that's awesome.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: A matter. So it's all free. Yeah, it's all free.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Oh great and online? Okay, awesome. Thanks for sharing today,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here, Thanks for giving advice to our callers.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it. I enjoyed that. Okay, enjoy that by Matthew. Bye.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Oh well, great episode, Mabulas and don't forget everybody. My
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and it's badass.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: And then I'm doing a tour, a little big Bitch tour.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: Go to chelseahmma dot com for tickets. I've added some
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: to Calamazoo, and then I'm coming to a bunch of
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: and twenty first, and then I'll be in Atlantic City
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: June tenth, which is almost still doubt So get your tickets.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickart executive producer Catherine Law and
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahamler dot
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: com