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135 | The Godfather of Ska · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Matthew, a cloud that hangs over Europe, a cloud that starts in North America and wends its way across the ocean to cover Milan.
• 0:14
  Eric: You playing risk again?
• 0:16
  Eric: No God, I wish I was.
• 0:19
  Matt: Um are you talking about those goddamn cheating Canadian songs?
• 0:26
  Matt: Oh baby, the fucking curling.
• 0:29
  Eric: Okay, folks, let me be clear.
• 0:32
  Eric: That boy is corrupt.
• 0:34
  Eric: I don't watch the Olympics.
• 0:36
  Eric: I watch curling.
• 0:38
  Eric: You don't watch the Olympics, right?
• 0:39
  Eric: No, I I I will tune into things in the Olympics, but the thing I give the most fucks about is curling.
• 0:44
  Eric: I agree.
• 0:44
  Eric: Is fucking curling.
• 0:46
  Eric: Uh for those of you not familiar, massive scandal right now in the Winter Olympics.
• 0:51
  Matt: We're not even this ain't even a bit.
• 0:53
  Eric: No, this is not a bit.
• 0:54
  Eric: Curling, like the curling.
• 0:55
  Eric: Now you're gonna hear about it two weeks after it happened, but go ahead.
• 0:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 0:59
  Eric: The curling world has been turned on its head.
• 1:02
  Eric: Some might say rocked.
• 1:05
  Eric: Matthew.
• 1:07
  Eric: Come on, everybody.
• 1:08
  Eric: Very good.
• 1:08
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:09
  Eric: Very good.
• 1:10
  Matt: Fucking thank you.
• 1:11
  Matt: I know the lingo.
• 1:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:12
  Eric: And Matt, I'm gonna be real with you.
• 1:14
  Eric: I don't think they're gonna be able to sweep this one under the rug.
• 1:16
  Eric: No, I don't think so.
• 1:17
  Eric: I don't think they we're talking, of course, about Boop Gate.
• 1:21
  Eric: Boop.
• 1:22
  Eric: Um, boopgate, for those of you uh uh Canadian Olympic uh Olympic curler.
• 1:28
  Eric: I think his name is was it Mark Kennedy?
• 1:31
  Eric: Uh yeah, Mark Piece of Shit Kennedy.
• 1:34
  Matt: That's what it meant.
• 1:35
  Eric: Mark Piece of Shit Kennedy.
• 1:36
  Matt: Uh I just wanted to say that I went to Google his name, and what came up was Mark Kennedy Double Touch.
• 1:43
  Eric: Old double touch.
• 1:45
  Eric: Um uh so got caught on camera uh uh releasing a curling stone, letting go of the handle, and then booping the stone with his fingi, which I don't know how many of you are familiar with the rules of curling.
• 2:00
  Eric: Big no no cannot do that uh after a certain point in your launch.
• 2:05
  Eric: And uh the pro the the fun of this utter debacle isn't even so much that he got he got called on it, like you know, it happens, people get called there, but usually most players will go, okay, crap, you're right.
• 2:17
  Eric: I'm sorry, I touched stone.
• 2:18
  Eric: It's a very like self-policed sport.
• 2:21
  Eric: But this dude got caught.
• 2:24
  Eric: And then you're allowed to do a double touch, but quite a bit.
• 2:28
  Eric: Up to a certain point.
• 2:29
  Matt: Uh up to the hog line, Eric.
• 2:32
  Matt: Which we were well past.
• 2:33
  Matt: We were we we're being B was on the hog.
• 2:37
  Matt: But we were yeah, what you can't do, Eric, is you can't do a double touch to the stone itself.
• 2:45
  Matt: You can double touch the handle.
• 2:47
  Matt: Yes, he very clearly double touched the granite.
• 2:52
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:52
  Eric: Uh also vote vote to replace Beyond the Pale with Past the Hog.
• 2:57
  Matt: Are you are you talking about the Neatcast segment Beyond the Pale?
• 3:00
  Matt: Or no, no, no, no.
• 3:02
  Eric: We should well let's write into the Neatcast.
• 3:05
  Eric: Boys, axe, Axe it.
• 3:07
  Eric: Axe boys that we've got a We ran the metrics.
• 3:10
  Eric: According to my AI analysis of your shows.
• 3:16
  Eric: Um, no, we should replace in in the social schema, we should replace the phrase beyond the pale with past the hog.
• 3:23
  Eric: Pass the hog.
• 3:24
  Eric: We're past the hog.
• 3:26
  Matt: Um yeah, he was riding the hog a little bit.
• 3:28
  Eric: He was riding the hog, and he pushed the stone.
• 3:30
  Eric: And the problem is he was the problem isn't that he was riding the hog.
• 3:33
  Eric: The problem is when he got called on it, his only response was no, I didn't fuck off.
• 3:39
  Eric: And he just kept repeating fuck off louder and louder at his opponents.
• 3:44
  Matt: It made entirely and is still denying it even after we have even after the whole internet is is showing the clip over and over and over again.
• 3:54
  Matt: And oh, the memes are delicious.
• 3:57
  Matt: Mark Kennedy, my boy, my sweet baby Canadian boy, my little boy blue.
• 4:02
  Matt: I can't tell you how shocked the world is to hear a Canadian speak this way.
• 4:08
  Eric: Uh, Matt, I you know, I'm just gonna say something.
• 4:11
  Eric: I cannot imagine any nation in North America shaming itself the way Canada.
• 4:19
  Eric: Like, can you imagine absolute embarrassment and humiliation on the global stage?
• 4:25
  Eric: On the global stage, we're talking for a country in North America to do something so heinous.
• 4:30
  Matt: Any any country with an America in its name, can you imagine it being something so bearish?
• 4:38
  Matt: The thought.
• 4:39
  Matt: I mean something so grotesque, something so base.
• 4:44
  Matt: Amoral, vile, fascist.
• 4:51
  Eric: First they touched the curling stone, and I said nothing because I was a figure skater.
• 5:07
  Matt: So I think we are out of the amputation thing, but that was on the table.
• 5:13
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:13
  Eric: Um we should fade up on that line.
• 5:16
  Eric: We should fade back in right there.
• 5:24
  Matt: Oh god, yes.
• 5:26
  Matt: Uh well, hello, everybody.
• 5:28
  Matt: Hello to you and all your limbs.
• 5:31
  Matt: Uh, it is You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast that is answering life's least pressing questions.
• 5:38
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shea.
• 5:40
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 5:41
  Eric: Eric Poach, tell me how you are and make it quick.
• 5:44
  Eric: Thawing.
• 5:45
  Eric: It has been too cold for too long.
• 5:48
  Eric: It is sapped the energy from me like I was a goddamn maple tree.
• 5:53
  Matt: We talked in the last episode about how we were encased in ice.
• 5:59
  Matt: Yes.
• 5:59
  Matt: And that was from the early mid-January storm on the northeast that just that blanketed everything.
• 6:08
  Matt: And it's been so cold that none of the snow has melted and in fact turned into rock hard ice.
• 6:15
  Matt: I remember back in the good old days, yay, snow.
• 6:18
  Matt: But this wasn't yay, snow.
• 6:19
  Matt: This was mountains of ice that were immovable.
• 6:22
  Eric: And I had- Immediately, and immediately.
• 6:25
  Eric: Like we never had the soft snow phase.
• 6:28
  Eric: It was just snow, snow, snow, snow, freezing rain, freezing rain, freezing rain.
• 6:31
  Eric: You are now you were now engaged.
• 6:33
  Matt: And because I have, you know, I got my bad back and I got my pregnant wife who can't be doing shoveling.
• 6:38
  Matt: I did what I don't normally do.
• 6:40
  Matt: I went out mid-snow to shovel so I could save myself some weight.
• 6:45
  Matt: That's my man.
• 6:46
  Matt: That's my fucking man.
• 6:47
  Matt: And made my made made my little paths.
• 6:49
  Matt: But before the snow, I did the viral, I'm gonna put a tarp down.
• 6:54
  Matt: Did you do the tarp thing?
• 6:55
  Matt: I put a tarp down in the one area that I had a good, like tarpable area on the floor, on the ground.
• 7:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 7:02
  Matt: And I it were by the way, works great with the light snow.
• 7:07
  Matt: But then I made a tragic flaw and put it back down.
• 7:11
  Matt: And then the snow and the ice came.
• 7:13
  Matt: And Eric, this tarp has been frozen in time next to my driveway for for like four weeks.
• 7:21
  Matt: And only today was it free enough for me to remove it.
• 7:26
  Matt: That is so the tarp, the tarp trend does work, but keep it for light snow, keep it for a couple inches, and I would I would keep it for like over a car, over steps, as opposed to the ground.
• 7:39
  Matt: That was my fatal flaw.
• 7:41
  Eric: Yeah, I because we were really curious, because we were curious about doing that for the dog for like get so she had a little spot to pee, because Nizumi is terrified of snow.
• 7:51
  Matt: No, I you should do that.
• 7:53
  Matt: It work it worked really good, especially if you're willing to go out there every inch or so and flap it off and then put it back down.
• 8:01
  Matt: It's a great system, it really is.
• 8:04
  Eric: We had to dig our fucking sidewalks out in teams.
• 8:06
  Eric: It was me and two of my neighbors, and like one of us had the giant iron, like scrapie thing pole.
• 8:12
  Matt: I don't know if you ever just just I went to Home Depot to look for one of those and couldn't find any, and I assume they were all taken away.
• 8:19
  Matt: None left in the state.
• 8:20
  Matt: Eric, we got questions to get to, and I hear that you've prepared a game for me.
• 8:26
  Matt: Oh, do I have a game for you, Matthew?
• 8:28
  Matt: Fuck me, silly.
• 8:31
  Matt: Let's get into it then.
• 8:33
  Eric: Let's just get right into it.
• 8:35
  Eric: Uh so Matt, our first question today.
• 8:37
  Eric: Yeah, you want to give it to us?
• 8:38
  Eric: Oh, this comes from that beautiful boy, that melodious boy, former guest of the show, absolute gem, Mike Purie Jr.
• 8:49
  Eric: That is Mike Perig Jr.
• 8:50
  Eric: on Instagram.
• 8:51
  Eric: Just like that.
• 8:52
  Eric: Simple.
• 8:52
  Eric: Just like that.
• 8:53
  Eric: Keeps it simple.
• 8:54
  Eric: Keeps it simple, keeps it clean.
• 8:56
  Eric: What are the worst slash next best ways to sign an email instead of sincerely best, etc.?
• 9:07
  Matt: I I love this question and I love this trend because uh I'm sure you've seen like a TikToks and a threads of like the unhinged ways to like sign off on emails.
• 9:18
  Matt: Oh yes, yes.
• 9:20
  Matt: I it I never skip them, I never swipe past them because I think they are always delightful.
• 9:26
  Matt: Eric, tell me, how do you wish to sign off on a on a corporate email?
• 9:32
  Eric: I'm gonna start strong.
• 9:33
  Eric: Mark my words.
• 9:35
  Eric: Oh my god, Eric.
• 9:37
  Eric: Eric Poach.
• 9:38
  Matt: That's so fucking good.
• 9:40
  Matt: All right, our second question.
• 9:43
  Matt: Uh I was gonna say my opening solve was gonna be begrudgingly.
• 9:51
  Matt: Begrudgingly is good.
• 9:53
  Matt: With contempt.
• 9:56
  Matt: Beleagueredly, actively crying.
• 10:03
  Matt: Well, okay, we should we should we should provide some context, right?
• 10:08
  Matt: Like let's so these are all funny in a corporate.
• 10:12
  Eric: Give me a tone of the email, and I'll and we and we can we can let's say it's a personal email, right?
• 10:16
  Matt: Like let's say you're personal email.
• 10:18
  Matt: You're you're responding to an email from your father.
• 10:22
  Matt: And I don't know about you and your father's relationship over email.
• 10:26
  Matt: My dad comes in so cold.
• 10:31
  Matt: There is no there is no sign-off, there is no greeting.
• 10:35
  Eric: That's my dad over text.
• 10:36
  Matt: There's barely a subject.
• 10:37
  Matt: There's just here's this concerning article about malware on iPhones.
• 10:45
  Eric: The most dad shit I have ever heard.
• 10:50
  Matt: It just does it to me.
• 10:52
  Matt: And I'm always like, I have to first check, is this malware first?
• 10:57
  Matt: Yeah, I'm like, because that's what most malware looks like these days, damn.
• 11:01
  Eric: Am I being fished by my father?
• 11:03
  Eric: Oh, I can't help but notice you pasted a half a page length hyperlink.
• 11:09
  Matt: Father, father fish over here.
• 11:11
  Matt: God damn.
• 11:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:12
  Matt: So your father sent you an email.
• 11:15
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 11:16
  Eric: If my my my father sent me, and I'm replying to my my l my lord father.
• 11:20
  Eric: That your lord father settled down.
• 11:22
  Eric: Yes.
• 11:23
  Eric: Now, if my dad, I would use my honorific that I use for him.
• 11:28
  Eric: I'd say, love you, Padre.
• 11:30
  Eric: But if this was if this was like something of gravity, I I think I would go for uh Would you write that brackets psi your son?
• 11:45
  Eric: Yeah, uh uh.
• 11:50
  Matt: Oh man, give me yours.
• 11:52
  Matt: I'm drawing blanks.
• 11:53
  Eric: Okay, so he sends me some sort of You're asking me to dig up my father issues.
• 11:57
  Matt: Okay, you did literally ask me to give you a scenario and you just want to be specific.
• 12:02
  Eric: I was like playful, annoyed.
• 12:04
  Eric: Uh okay.
• 12:05
  Eric: But no, no, but I do like I'm gonna yes and I do like that you gave me essentially a now take it like you're telling your father that you're disinheriting yourself.
• 12:16
  Eric: Did I?
• 12:17
  Eric: I don't feel like I didn't.
• 12:18
  Eric: No, but that's the subtext I read, and I don't want to get into why I'm getting that right.
• 12:23
  Eric: I I just I know I am not his favorite son.
• 12:27
  Eric: That's how I'll end it.
• 12:31
  Eric: That's all I'll be like.
• 12:32
  Eric: I know I am not your favorite son.
• 12:34
  Eric: I'm gonna end it like Faramir from Lord of the Rings.
• 12:37
  Eric: I'm just gonna be like, I know I know you would rather that I had perished in his stead.
• 12:43
  Eric: And then I would expect him to reply with, I do wish it.
• 12:46
  Eric: Forlorn and forgotten, Erica.
• 12:49
  Eric: Yes, cast off um yours in blood.
• 12:56
  Eric: Yours and blood goes so hard.
• 13:00
  Eric: And and that is the fun of like, yes, it's a fam like literal familial, but like if someone's a real one, that's like a like I would yours and blood you.
• 13:10
  Eric: Oh yeah, you'd I'd be in blood with you.
• 13:12
  Eric: I would spill this blood for you.
• 13:14
  Eric: I'd oh yeah.
• 13:15
  Eric: I would make it bloody for you.
• 13:17
  Eric: Oh yeah, you call my banners, baby.
• 13:19
  Eric: I'm there.
• 13:20
  Matt: Oh, Eric, you can count me among your bannermen for sure.
• 13:23
  Matt: Fuck yes.
• 13:24
  Matt: For sure I'm one of your bannermen.
• 13:26
  Matt: I I will gladly shout King in the North behind.
• 13:30
  Eric: What is that?
• 13:30
  Eric: What is that pendant I see?
• 13:32
  Eric: Is that the Harried Gnome of House Shay?
• 13:36
  Eric: Oh my god, that could be the Harried Gnome?
• 13:39
  Eric: Yes.
• 13:40
  Eric: It would be the one you have where he's like riding the turtle and pointing forward like he's on a fucking bench.
• 13:45
  Matt: I do, in fact, have two different gnomes that are riding turtles, but uh it's a common theme among gnomes.
• 13:50
  Matt: What you're learning, folks, is I have a gnome collection in my front yard uh that I've acquired over many years since I was a teenager.
• 13:58
  Matt: It started as a gag gift of someone giving me a gnome.
• 14:01
  Matt: And now it starts.
• 14:02
  Matt: Now I have all these gnomes.
• 14:03
  Matt: And now that I have a house, I do not have enough gnomes like to make it a thing.
• 14:09
  Matt: Like I need a ton of gnomes.
• 14:10
  Matt: Send Matt Shea Gnome.
• 14:12
  Matt: Send me.
• 14:13
  Matt: Um But no, that could be my Bannerman uh Sig Sigil.
• 14:18
  Eric: The hairied gnome.
• 14:19
  Eric: The hairied gnome.
• 14:20
  Eric: Um I I would also say, folks, the one silver lining of this icepocalypse we recently suffered was seeing Matt post all of his gnomes in various stages of trapped in the ice.
• 14:33
  Matt: Yes, I did do that with then the last image being uh Jaws uh in his in his tank uh on his basking platform uh with me measuring the heat at a like a cool 94 degrees.
• 14:47
  Matt: Oh getting chilly in there, Jaws.
• 14:50
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 14:52
  Matt: Um emails.
• 14:54
  Matt: Emails and sincerely's that are better than sincerely's.
• 14:58
  Matt: Okay, so uh let's get away from your father issues for a second.
• 15:02
  Eric: Okay.
• 15:02
  Matt: Let's get into should we go back to work?
• 15:05
  Matt: Or like I I do think filling in the sincerely with any off the wall adjective, like conspiratorially, belatedly that's it.
• 15:22
  Eric: That's all there it is.
• 15:25
  Matt: And with your spirit, if you wanted to on Ashwednesday, if you wanted to uh pour one out for Christ of Nazareth.
• 15:35
  Eric: What would you what would you do instead of and and this let me let me frame this as like work email, and it's an email that you would normally end with regards.
• 15:45
  Eric: Oh, well, okay with everything that implies.
• 15:48
  Matt: I was gonna say if I'm ending an email with regards, yeah, in real I I don't think I'd ever actually do it, but if I did, I would make like you should know that I am actually fucking shouting at my monitor in pure rage.
• 16:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 16:08
  Matt: Yep.
• 16:08
  Matt: If I wrote the word regards, comma.
• 16:12
  Matt: Um, so to replace that, okay.
• 16:18
  Matt: He said best next best slash worst.
• 16:21
  Matt: Because it doesn't get much better than regards.
• 16:24
  Matt: So for regards, the next best would be something like Can I propose a subtle knife?
• 16:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:34
  Eric: The tiniest shift, but if I'm just gonna hit you with it.
• 16:39
  Eric: Instead of regards, regarded.
• 16:43
  Eric: Ooh.
• 16:44
  Eric: Hit him with the past.
• 16:46
  Eric: Intense.
• 16:47
  Eric: That's intense.
• 16:48
  Eric: Being regarded.
• 16:50
  Eric: You I were once regarded.
• 16:52
  Eric: I have you it has so many layers.
• 16:54
  Eric: I have regarded it, or I no longer regard you.
• 16:58
  Eric: Disregard it.
• 16:59
  Eric: I regard it.
• 17:00
  Eric: Yeah, it disregarded it.
• 17:01
  Eric: Disregarded.
• 17:02
  Eric: Disregarded.
• 17:03
  Eric: Eric Poach.
• 17:05
  Matt: God damn.
• 17:06
  Matt: Ignored and forgotten.
• 17:10
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 17:11
  Eric: Uh left on read.
• 17:13
  Eric: Eric Poach just hit him with the fucking out of left field.
• 17:17
  Eric: Left on read.
• 17:18
  Eric: I think it's left on red, my guy.
• 17:19
  Eric: Left on red.
• 17:20
  Eric: In my brain, it's always read.
• 17:23
  Eric: I don't know if that happens to anyone else, but it's always read.
• 17:25
  Eric: Yeah, I do think it's left on red.
• 17:27
  Eric: I know it's a popular phrase.
• 17:31
  Matt: But yeah, I mean, when you leave someone on red, it is like to type it out because it's not the base, is pretty uh not cynical, sinister.
• 17:42
  Eric: I uh I I I won't talk about to who it was, but I have ended an email with please do never do not ever contact me again.
• 17:50
  Eric: And this wasn't uh uh like a telemarket like a fucking spam email or something.
• 17:55
  Eric: So yeah, that that was the hardest I've ever gone on a sign-off on an email.
• 18:00
  Matt: That's pretty hard.
• 18:02
  Matt: That is I don't I don't think personally or certainly professionally I have ever gone that intense.
• 18:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 18:10
  Matt: I think at work, I have pulled I don't think I've said regards, but I think when I pull out best, yeah, I I it I do mean it as a fuck you.
• 18:22
  Matt: Like I have nothing else to say, so I'm throwing Oh yes.
• 18:25
  Eric: Oh, with with no, yeah.
• 18:26
  Eric: Like now if I hit someone with all the best, that is sincere.
• 18:30
  Eric: All the best.
• 18:31
  Matt: No, best comma means from me, best comma is not just the placeholder.
• 18:36
  Matt: No.
• 18:37
  Matt: That is me ending a text message with a period.
• 18:40
  Matt: Yep.
• 18:41
  Matt: That is a that is a chosen statement.
• 18:43
  Matt: Oh that is fuck you in corporate.
• 18:47
  Eric: What about some positive ones?
• 18:48
  Eric: What are ways people should be signing off their emails that they aren't?
• 18:52
  Eric: Jovially?
• 18:54
  Eric: Jovially.
• 18:56
  Eric: I do like yours in blood just like hits for me.
• 19:00
  Eric: Mischievously.
• 19:02
  Eric: Mischievously.
• 19:03
  Eric: With a wink and a nod.
• 19:06
  Eric: Ever curious.
• 19:08
  Eric: Ever ever curious.
• 19:11
  Eric: We're like mysterious old shopkeeps in like a fucking gremlin shop.
• 19:22
  Eric: Wet with anticipation.
• 19:26
  Matt: Simply frothing at the gash.
• 19:28
  Matt: Oh man, that's good.
• 19:31
  Matt: Chomping at the bit, Matt.
• 19:33
  Matt: Uh oh.
• 19:36
  Matt: Waiting, waiting on deck.
• 19:39
  Matt: Wait.
• 19:40
  Matt: Waiting in the wings.
• 19:45
  Matt: Heard chef, Eric Poach.
• 19:47
  Matt: Heard Chef is pretty good.
• 19:51
  Matt: Heard Chef's pretty funny.
• 19:53
  Matt: Um I I honestly think we we this is quickly turning to us just riffing with sign-offs back and forth.
• 20:01
  Matt: So we we may need to wrap up fairly quickly.
• 20:06
  Eric: We might have to sign off on this question, is what I'm trying to say.
• 20:10
  Eric: Well, there he is.
• 20:11
  Eric: That's my boy.
• 20:12
  Eric: That's my boy.
• 20:12
  Eric: That's how I know the sun is out.
• 20:14
  Eric: He's blooming.
• 20:15
  Eric: Resigned, Matt.
• 20:17
  Eric: There we go.
• 20:19
  Matt: Do you do you do you have another sign off you want to give me?
• 20:22
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 20:22
  Eric: I should sign off of the bit.
• 20:23
  Eric: Um, you got resigned, Eric, uh, Matt Shea.
• 20:27
  Eric: Committed to the bit.
• 20:28
  Eric: Committed to the bit.
• 20:29
  Eric: Committed to the bit.
• 20:30
  Eric: Eric Poach.
• 20:32
  Matt: That there it is.
• 20:33
  Matt: There's the box.
• 20:34
  Matt: Honestly, I didn't even intend this, but I would love to find a moment when I can authentically end an email with committed to the bit.
• 20:43
  Matt: Committed to the bit, Eric.
• 20:45
  Matt: That's that's actually a in in the right context, that's a legit answer to this question.
• 20:52
  Matt: That is a very funny.
• 20:54
  Eric: That sign off is a sign off privilege.
• 20:56
  Eric: That is like you have to ooh, you have to thread that needle, but when you do, but when you get it right, when you do.
• 21:03
  Matt: You know, this this question has inspired me in my personal inbox to start peppering better sign-offs in as a because nine times out of ten, it's just thanks, comma, Matt, in like yeah, any old thing.
• 21:18
  Matt: Or uh insincerely, or whatever.
• 21:21
  Matt: But like, I I think it's time for me to mix it up.
• 21:25
  Eric: Time time to get in there, shake it up, shake it up, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it up.
• 21:30
  Matt: Shake and shake and not stirred, Matt.
• 21:33
  Eric: Ooh.
• 21:33
  Eric: Okay, okay, okay.
• 21:35
  Eric: Often imitated, never duplicated.
• 21:38
  Eric: What if it was just often imitated?
• 21:40
  Eric: Matt.
• 21:41
  Eric: Yep.
• 21:45
  Eric: Not one to waste time on petty farewells, and then nothing.
• 21:50
  Eric: Comma and then nothing.
• 21:53
  Eric: Sent for my iPhone.
• 21:55
  Eric: Sent for my iPhone.
• 21:59
  Eric: Comma sent for my iPhone.
• 22:02
  Eric: Make sure you bring in sent for my iPhone, comma Matt, to end it working on.
• 22:13
  Matt: Looking so stupid.
• 22:15
  Matt: And now whenever I think of Sent for My iPhone, I just think of Baby Reindeer and the mistypings.
• 22:22
  Matt: Did you not watch Baby Reindeer?
• 22:24
  Matt: No.
• 22:24
  Matt: Oh, you must.
• 22:25
  Matt: It's very good.
• 22:25
  Matt: But she would she she very clearly didn't have an iPhone because she was typing sent for my iPhone.
• 22:33
  Matt: Like she'd always misspell something, and it's like, oh, you're typing sent for my iPhone.
• 22:39
  Matt: You should watch Baby Ranger.
• 22:41
  Matt: It's very good.
• 22:41
  Matt: Talking about content from like two and a half years ago.
• 22:44
  Matt: Should we move on to the next question, Eric?
• 22:47
  Matt: We should.
• 22:48
  Matt: And this question comes from oh, I think it's many people over many years.
• 22:55
  Eric: This is this is one like there's some questions that demand to be answered.
• 23:00
  Eric: Trevor Burrus, Jr.
• 23:00
  Matt: And they linger.
• 23:01
  Matt: They just linger over time.
• 23:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:03
  Matt: And this one is one of them, I feel right up there with what is the meaning of life?
• 23:08
  Matt: Is God real?
• 23:10
  Matt: What is my purpose?
• 23:12
  Matt: What are the subjects of Mambo's number one through four?
• 23:17
  Matt: Now, Eric, two, three, four, five.
• 23:21
  Matt: Eric, you told me not too long ago that you, in preparation for this question, were it the spirit moved you to, how did you put it again?
• 23:32
  Eric: Commune with Lou Bega.
• 23:33
  Eric: That's it.
• 23:34
  Eric: It's been a minute.
• 23:38
  Eric: It's it's been it's been a it's been a while.
• 23:43
  Eric: It's been a while.
• 23:44
  Eric: Not Lubega.
• 23:45
  Matt: Not who you say that bit.
• 23:48
  Matt: It's been a while.
• 23:49
  Matt: So as we know, Mumbo number five is what would you say mumbo number five is about Eric?
• 23:57
  Matt: Horny.
• 23:58
  Matt: We are of course talking about the song by Lou Bega, Mumbo number five, parentheses, a little bit of.
• 24:04
  Eric: Just take a minute, pause the show, go listen to it, and you're back.
• 24:08
  Eric: Okay.
• 24:09
  Eric: This is this is about being horny.
• 24:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:14
  Eric: For for lots of for lots of people.
• 24:17
  Eric: Yeah, specifically.
• 24:18
  Eric: In many places, like any time, any place, all manners of time of day.
• 24:24
  Eric: Yeah, the and and in places, and in like prepositions.
• 24:29
  Matt: Yes, and not just it's not so like Eric, I don't want you to take away the the layers of Lubega's artistry.
• 24:36
  Matt: It's not simply about horn dogging it, you know, for the likes of, say, Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, yeah, Mary, Jessica.
• 24:48
  Eric: It's about being div diverse in your in your bang in your banging.
• 24:52
  Matt: It is also about, and this cannot be forsaken, playing the trumpet.
• 25:01
  Eric: Yes.
• 25:02
  Eric: I do want to apologize.
• 25:06
  Eric: Um Mambo number five had to walk so that ska could truly run.
• 25:13
  Eric: Despite ska having been a genre at that point for probably a decade at least.
• 25:18
  Matt: Despite ska, and this is true, never running ever.
• 25:24
  Eric: Matt, I'm gonna just say this once.
• 25:27
  Eric: Thank you.
• 25:28
  Eric: You're and I'll say you're welcome back to you.
• 25:31
  Eric: I need you to think about the things you say on this podcast.
• 25:37
  Matt: What did I say, Eric?
• 25:38
  Matt: What are you gonna do?
• 25:39
  Matt: You're gonna come out here like ska isn't a parody of its own genre.
• 25:43
  Matt: Matt, I just want to be clear.
• 25:47
  Matt: The things you put down.
• 25:49
  Matt: I get it.
• 25:49
  Matt: You want me to go along with the bit.
• 25:51
  Matt: You want me to commit with you to being like, oh yeah, no, just kidding.
• 25:55
  Matt: Ska's music.
• 25:57
  Matt: Matt, I I I'm today, Eric.
• 26:02
  Eric: Come on.
• 26:03
  Eric: We got four mumbos to go through.
• 26:05
  Eric: I'm I'm not trying to knock on wood, but I know someone who has.
• 26:08
  Eric: Yeah, we all have.
• 26:10
  Eric: We all have known that person.
• 26:12
  Matt: This is me trying to cover the fact that my voice just cracked.
• 26:14
  Eric: Matt, I'm trying to say is the things that you put down on this podcast, our audience will pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
• 26:22
  Eric: See, and this is what I'm talking about, Eric.
• 26:25
  Eric: It's a purity of itself.
• 26:27
  Eric: Here I am doing everything I can to help you not get us killed in our sleep by easily the fittest group of music subculture.
• 26:38
  Eric: The mightiest of boss tones.
• 26:41
  Eric: The mightiest of boss tones.
• 26:44
  Eric: We're talking about, we're playing with real big fish here.
• 26:47
  Matt: And I need you to appreciate.
• 26:50
  Matt: Okay, okay, yes.
• 26:52
  Matt: I admit it.
• 26:52
  Matt: All right, fine.
• 26:53
  Matt: Ska is not music.
• 26:55
  Matt: We're on like fifth wave ska.
• 26:57
  Eric: No, we're not.
• 26:58
  Matt: No one is.
• 26:59
  Matt: We're I'm not even fucking with you.
• 27:00
  Matt: No, we're not.
• 27:02
  Eric: We super, we're on fifth wave.
• 27:03
  Matt: No one's on fifth wave ska! We're on Okay We're buddy, we're on fifth wave.
• 27:11
  Matt: Pretty soon I'm gonna have an infant in this house, and you can't work me up like this anymore.
• 27:16
  Eric: You're gonna have to play, you're gonna have to play that kid some fucking trumpets.
• 27:21
  Eric: That kid, I want that kid to come out scatting.
• 27:23
  Eric: I could come out scating.
• 27:26
  Matt: I have a trumpet in this home that I could play for the child.
• 27:30
  Matt: Then he might not want to come out at all, and that would be not good.
• 27:33
  Eric: I'm just gonna sneak into your house at night and put headphones up to Lindsay's tummy and play the soundtrack from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2.
• 27:41
  Matt: You're gonna sneak into my ass at night, huh?
• 27:43
  Matt: You don't think my fucking camera system's gonna clock you from a mile away, bitch.
• 27:49
  Eric: You just look, you turn to your wall, you just start seeing cameras going out.
• 27:52
  Eric: Eric, you I got so many alerts ready to go.
• 27:55
  Eric: No one's coming out of my fucking property.
• 27:57
  Eric: This motherfucker's got probably got a string of tin cans as a backup.
• 28:01
  Matt: Eric, let me tell you something for real.
• 28:03
  Matt: I know when a raccoon enters my backyard.
• 28:07
  Matt: I live in a nature preserve.
• 28:12
  Matt: My backyard camera goes off all the time, and I wake up in the morning and go, who came on through?
• 28:18
  Matt: Couple of deer, raccoon, and that goddamn goose.
• 28:22
  Matt: It's gonna be his time soon.
• 28:25
  Matt: He's gonna come back very shortly.
• 28:27
  Matt: I can feel it.
• 28:27
  Matt: I can feel him coming.
• 28:28
  Matt: I'm like Elmo with Rocco.
• 28:30
  Matt: I can feel him approaching.
• 28:32
  Matt: Did that reference go over your head, Eric?
• 28:35
  Matt: Might have.
• 28:36
  Eric: Good.
• 28:36
  Eric: Lou Bega, godfather of modern ska.
• 28:38
  Eric: Mambos one through four.
• 28:41
  Eric: Mambo number five is not a ska song.
• 28:44
  Eric: I no.
• 28:45
  Eric: Matt pushes glasses up on face.
• 28:48
  Eric: No, you you ign you you fuck.
• 28:52
  Eric: No.
• 28:53
  Eric: Thank you.
• 28:55
  Eric: Mambo number five is the soul of the 90s.
• 29:01
  Eric: That I won't argue with that.
• 29:04
  Eric: But Lou Bega is the godfather of ska.
• 29:08
  Matt: Sure.
• 29:08
  Matt: Yeah, whatever we can do to move on.
• 29:11
  Eric: Um, but so Mambo number five is about trumpet.
• 29:15
  Eric: It's about horny, it's about horny.
• 29:17
  Eric: It's about horning, it's about trumpet.
• 29:19
  Eric: And it's about ladies.
• 29:20
  Eric: It's about ladies.
• 29:22
  Eric: But actually, I think I think it is a I do think it is an appreciation of the divine feminine.
• 29:27
  Eric: Yes, it is about Lady Madonna.
• 29:32
  Eric: And you'll notice when Sandra is doing her bent over double kick, it forms the cup.
• 29:39
  Eric: The cup, the chalice of fertility.
• 29:43
  Matt: Now, it does start actually with a little bit of uh, you know, given circumstances.
• 29:50
  Matt: We we do have a little bit of rising action.
• 29:53
  Matt: We have everybody in the car.
• 29:55
  Matt: We're going to the liquor store.
• 29:57
  Eric: Yep, they they want to get some gin and juice, but but Lu Bega doesn't really want.
• 30:01
  Eric: He's not thinking about booze right now.
• 30:03
  Matt: No, he's sober finally after many years of struggle.
• 30:07
  Matt: And that perhaps is Mambo number one.
• 30:11
  Matt: Mambo number one?
• 30:13
  Eric: Mambo number one is when Lu Bega's at his addiction's depths.
• 30:18
  Eric: So when he's just slamming the gin and juice, he's hitting that beer button.
• 30:24
  Matt: He's and he's found himself houseless, unhoused, living under the freeway.
• 30:31
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 30:32
  Eric: Oh, so so that this is so these are like the five steps of like almost like grieving.
• 30:38
  Matt: I'm saying if we have reached Mambo number five, where he's driving around, playing the part, playing the mere visage of a player, when in his heart he doesn't he just wants to you know get his rocks off with a bunch of different lovely women.
• 30:56
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Matt: But he has to go through the motions of what society expects from him, does he not?
• 31:02
  Matt: Okay.
• 31:03
  Matt: So that means he's I'm saying he's risen to, I don't want to say the aristocracy, but the aristocracy.
• 31:12
  Matt: The aristocracy.
• 31:14
  Eric: So Lou Bega Prince of Denmark post sorry, is is is uh late stage capitalism.
• 31:23
  Eric: Lubega's late stage capitalism.
• 31:25
  Eric: It's an all all an allegory, my friend.
• 31:28
  Eric: Fuck.
• 31:29
  Matt: So so Mambo, so Mambo One maybe uh maybe I'm jumping the Mumbo, maybe I'm jumping the Mambo line.
• 31:36
  Matt: Perhaps his his big fall is Mambo number two and number three.
• 31:42
  Matt: Number one, we go back even further.
• 31:46
  Eric: Oh, so Mambo One is like the tarot.
• 31:48
  Eric: He's the fool.
• 31:49
  Eric: He's got the world ahead of him, and what is he gonna do?
• 31:52
  Eric: Yes.
• 31:52
  Eric: Mambo number one, he's like Mambo number one is about graduating high school.
• 31:57
  Eric: Yeah, I've got uh I would even say he I would say he is set up for like like he's he's got a he's he's gone to college.
• 32:03
  Eric: He's like, I've got a a bachelor's degree in my life, a motherfucking GED as well.
• 32:10
  Eric: I've got some interesting prospects on my resume.
• 32:13
  Eric: Got a full ride to Dick.
• 32:16
  Matt: UCLA.
• 32:17
  Matt: Um, yeah, he has a full ride to UCLA to study music, to study his craft.
• 32:29
  Eric: Okay, and then Mambo number two.
• 32:31
  Eric: Mambo number two is he so he's that bright-eyed college kid who's like, oh man, as soon as I graduate, I'm gonna be making six figures, yada yada, but like, oh, life, life is hard.
• 32:41
  Eric: He's like, Gotta got a little rejections on Indeed, got a few rejections on Glassdoor.
• 32:49
  Matt: All the Mambos do sound like Mambo number five.
• 32:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I think, I think, I think, I think it's yeah, it's just one working its way.
• 32:58
  Eric: It's like the progression of his life.
• 33:00
  Eric: And and so, like, he this is right now, he's like on the grind set.
• 33:04
  Matt: Like, he's like, I just gotta keep like busting out shifts at the Eric, he is on the grind set because all he can do is go from the the the feminine ideal to feminine ideal, yeah, from Athena after Athena, uh, you know, in his life, going dorm to dorm with these women.
• 33:25
  Matt: Forgot to write his his term paper, forgot to write his thesis, plagiarized, expelled.
• 33:34
  Matt: Okay, so so my academic integrity down the drain.
• 33:43
  Eric: But the bursters got my parents on the phone.
• 33:46
  Eric: Um, yeah, so this is just gonna punch the burser in the face.
• 33:55
  Matt: So this is so Lou Bega has now he's so he's now Mambo number one celebrating graduating high school.
• 34:03
  Matt: We'll assume five to six women have been uh subject to Mambo number one.
• 34:10
  Matt: Yeah, it is implied that that there's several sets of women in each of these Mambos that have that have entered the ranks of Lou Vegas Mambos.
• 34:22
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:23
  Eric: Uh Mom ho's?
• 34:25
  Eric: Sorry.
• 34:25
  Eric: Mom ho's the mom biddies.
• 34:27
  Eric: Mom ho's and different mombos, and you know different different mom strokes for different mom folks.
• 34:39
  Eric: Um so so so so one is the rising, two is the is the is the the crushing reality, three is the fall from Grace.
• 34:50
  Eric: Three is where okay, so three is his his true gutter days where he's in yeah he's living on the streets of LA.
• 34:58
  Eric: He's I I would say he's still living at his frat house, but like on the couch.
• 35:03
  Eric: Like he's sleeping on the couch, right?
• 35:05
  Eric: He's partying with them every night, but like heroin every night.
• 35:10
  Matt: Oh yeah, a little bit of DMT gave me a fright.
• 35:14
  Matt: Oh, and instead, this okay, mumbo number three, no women involved.
• 35:18
  Matt: All the names, drug dealers, all his different drug dealers, various.
• 35:23
  Eric: I would say this is his psychedelic phase.
• 35:26
  Matt: Visit slipping Tony on Tuesday.
• 35:28
  Eric: Yep.
• 35:29
  Eric: Lick a bit of toads every day.
• 35:33
  Eric: Every day, looking bit of top every day.
• 35:35
  Eric: I like he reaches he he he reaches this sort of false enlightenment.
• 35:40
  Matt: Thursday is the day that I sniff glue.
• 35:42
  Eric: Yeah, I'm about to do some whippets.
• 35:46
  Eric: How about you?
• 35:50
  Matt: And by this point, he's playing the jazz clarinet.
• 35:53
  Matt: He's fallen so far.
• 35:55
  Eric: I think, yeah, three is the fall, three is the fall, but like he's so lost in the sauce of like his false enlightenment from doing whippets.
• 36:03
  Eric: Yeah, he fell to the woodwinds that like he doesn't four is the realization of his fall.
• 36:09
  Eric: Yeah, four, four is the except he's like, I have fallen and now I must get up.
• 36:14
  Eric: And I think four is when we start to see not back on the grind set, because I don't think that should be the moral here.
• 36:21
  Eric: He tried the grind set, it failed him.
• 36:23
  Eric: He's tried doing nothing and just doing whippets and toads all day.
• 36:28
  Eric: But that is his fall of Icarus.
• 36:30
  Eric: That that's indulgence.
• 36:31
  Eric: Yeah, that's his fall of Icarus.
• 36:32
  Eric: Now I think what he what he learns is he needs to he needs to stop living by someone else's means.
• 36:42
  Eric: Like before it was everyone telling him, like, oh, you gotta put your nose to ground, you just gotta go hard and like do this and blah, blah, blah.
• 36:47
  Eric: And that fucked him up.
• 36:48
  Eric: And then later it was like, man, here, do some ayahuasca on a Tuesday night.
• 36:52
  Eric: It'll change your life.
• 36:54
  Eric: And like that, that's like too much in the other direction.
• 36:57
  Eric: And and Eric, he says no.
• 37:01
  Matt: He says no to ayahuasca.
• 37:03
  Matt: And instead, he goes out onto the sullen, rain-sodden streets that he's come to know as his home.
• 37:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:13
  Matt: He's walking down the street, hands in his pockets, he looks like utter, utter urchin, like an urchin, like a Dickensian urchin now.
• 37:22
  Matt: You know I'm on board for a Dickensian urchin dog.
• 37:25
  Matt: He he just goes into the nearest shop he can to get shelter from the storm.
• 37:31
  Matt: And there He's a Lou beggar.
• 37:34
  Matt: He's a Lou beggar.
• 37:36
  Matt: And he finds a a kindly old cobbler.
• 37:41
  Matt: Cobbler! A cobbler, Eric.
• 37:43
  Matt: Okay.
• 37:44
  Matt: Making boots.
• 37:45
  Matt: Making shoes.
• 37:47
  Matt: And he says, I just need a shelter from the storm.
• 37:50
  Matt: And the cobbler says, Son, it seems to me you need a lot more than that.
• 37:56
  Matt: You can sweep a floor, can't you?
• 37:58
  Eric: And that's how he becomes a cobbler's apprentice.
• 38:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 38:03
  Eric: Okay, I thought this was gonna take a wild veer into suddenly being Christmas shoes.
• 38:08
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 38:09
  Eric: No, this but he does make plenty of shoes for Christmas.
• 38:12
  Matt: So he makes shoes busy time of year.
• 38:14
  Matt: And not just men's shoes.
• 38:16
  Matt: Oh no.
• 38:16
  Matt: He makes shoes for the ladies.
• 38:18
  Matt: He's actually particularly skilled in making women's footwear.
• 38:26
  Eric: And I think that is how he starts to meet Erica, Sandra, yada yada yada, Pamela, Jessica, of course.
• 38:36
  Eric: Jessica, of course.
• 38:38
  Eric: This is how he this is how he becomes a worldly, a worldly, a man of worldly grippers.
• 38:43
  Matt: Yeah, he's sleeping with these women often, but he's providing them with one night stand gift baskets of Louis Batons.
• 38:55
  Eric: I'm never gonna he made.
• 38:56
  Eric: I don't ever want to speak for women.
• 39:02
  Eric: But I've got Lou Bega, but okay.
• 39:03
  Eric: But I will speak for myself, where if Lou Bega did a little pump and dump, but then left me with a sick pair of shoes, I could think of worse ways to spend my my Thursday evening.
• 39:15
  Matt: Uh me too.
• 39:16
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:17
  Matt: I want to say me too.
• 39:18
  Matt: And I also want to say that we're not talking about a weekend, okay?
• 39:23
  Matt: We're talking about redemption.
• 39:25
  Matt: There's he knows he's got a road to travel to get back to his mumboing ways.
• 39:32
  Matt: We're talking about 15 years, I think, of free association jazz.
• 39:39
  Eric: Free association.
• 39:40
  Eric: This is where this is where he sets down maybe the the yeah, like and takes up the trumpet.
• 39:49
  Matt: He he finds his old battered trumpet.
• 39:52
  Matt: And he just he discovers that he because he hasn't touched it in in low these many years, those those valves don't move at all anymore.
• 40:02
  Matt: No, it's useless.
• 40:03
  Matt: So no mount oil is gonna bring that back to the dead.
• 40:07
  Matt: So he goes out to the local guitar center, where he buys a nice new Yamahayan trumpet.
• 40:15
  Matt: A middle of the road trumpet.
• 40:17
  Matt: A nice middle of the road trumpet that I I do own a Yamaha, so thank you for that.
• 40:23
  Eric: Uh I've got a Yamaha keyboard.
• 40:26
  Matt: Okay, yeah.
• 40:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 40:28
  Matt: We're both here.
• 40:30
  Matt: We're both here.
• 40:31
  Matt: We're both here.
• 40:31
  Matt: It's what my parents could afford for their elementary school trumpet player.
• 40:35
  Eric: So so so now that so now I imagine like he's like an older.
• 40:40
  Eric: I just hope that Valve joke landed for someone out there.
• 40:44
  Matt: I hope someone out there.
• 40:45
  Matt: Because I know you didn't you weren't a band person.
• 40:49
  Matt: No.
• 40:50
  Matt: They're all lost.
• 40:51
  Matt: Yeah, you don't need to be able to do that.
• 40:52
  Eric: I did see that movie with J.K.
• 40:54
  Eric: Simmons, so I do know a little about the band experience.
• 40:57
  Eric: Oh, you do, do you?
• 40:59
  Eric: On my tempo?
• 41:00
  Matt: We're gonna have to talk about band gym, one of these episodes.
• 41:03
  Matt: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
• 41:05
  Matt: Do you just want to quote quote whiplash to everyone?
• 41:08
  Eric: I could quote whiplash all fucking damn.
• 41:10
  Eric: Right.
• 41:11
  Eric: Great.
• 41:11
  Eric: Um let's skip ahead.
• 41:12
  Eric: Now, Matt, speaking of skip ahead, so it's like we're 15 years have passed.
• 41:17
  Eric: We've got a wisened, somewhat like ruggedly grizzled in a in a fun way, Lou Bega, who who's who's now now no longer, you know, got got the wool over his eyes.
• 41:30
  Eric: He's a he's a streetwise shoemaking, he's behind trumpet playing.
• 41:35
  Matt: Yeah, he's behind the counter.
• 41:37
  Matt: His readers are all the way down his nose as he's balancing the books.
• 41:42
  Matt: He's trusted with the budget now.
• 41:44
  Eric: Yeah, he's he's trying he's he's been made partner.
• 41:47
  Matt: The couple the cobbler I the cobbler passed away 10 years ago.
• 41:52
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 41:53
  Matt: He's been keeping this business afloat, Lubega has cobbling it together.
• 41:57
  Matt: He's been goddamn, Eric.
• 42:00
  Matt: Yes, cobbling this cobbler together.
• 42:03
  Matt: And who walks in but one of his what was the word?
• 42:09
  Matt: Boys.
• 42:09
  Matt: That's right.
• 42:11
  Matt: One of my boys is here.
• 42:13
  Matt: What's that he's holding?
• 42:16
  Matt: Gin and juice.
• 42:18
  Matt: Shit.
• 42:18
  Matt: He's like, Lou, Lou.
• 42:21
  Matt: He said, It's me, your boy.
• 42:25
  Matt: Remember this?
• 42:26
  Matt: Got a little bit of that.
• 42:28
  Matt: A little bit of that gin and juice.
• 42:29
  Matt: And he he he he he practically has a sea he he seizures a little bit.
• 42:35
  Matt: He he spasms and he goes, wait, wait, wait.
• 42:37
  Matt: Brandishing the gin and juice at Lou Bega.
• 42:39
  Matt: And he can feel like much like Spider-Man or something or or Bane as as the poison courses through his veins, he can feel himself pumping up like Popeye.
• 42:49
  Matt: He's like, wait, well, what was that?
• 42:51
  Matt: Who was that?
• 42:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:53
  Matt: And he said, It's a little bit of who you are.
• 42:57
  Matt: It's a little bit of yourself, Lou Bega.
• 43:00
  Matt: That's good.
• 43:01
  Matt: Thank you.
• 43:02
  Matt: That's good.
• 43:02
  Matt: Thank you.
• 43:03
  Matt: It is good.
• 43:05
  Matt: A little bit of dude.
• 43:07
  Matt: I was weaving a narrative.
• 43:11
  Matt: I was we and so yes, then he pulls out the trumpet and that's when the song starts.
• 43:19
  Matt: That's the start of the music video.
• 43:20
  Matt: And yes, and then they go outside the doors of the cobblers and they're walking down the street.
• 43:26
  Matt: I don't know how the music video begins, but I assume he can go, ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo number five.
• 43:35
  Matt: And that's why everybody claps because they're like, yeah, he's back.
• 43:38
  Eric: He's back, baby.
• 43:39
  Eric: Vega is back.
• 43:40
  Eric: Vega is back 2026.
• 43:43
  Eric: Tell your friends.
• 43:44
  Eric: You know, scientists theorize there is a sixth Mambo.
• 43:47
  Eric: No, Eric, not a sixth.
• 43:49
  Eric: Purely theoretical.
• 43:51
  Eric: The world may never know about Mambo number six.
• 43:54
  Eric: The world isn't ready for Mambo number six.
• 43:56
  Matt: We low these 30 years, we've been reveling in Mambo.
• 43:59
  Matt: Number five.
• 44:00
  Matt: We haven't had our fill yet.
• 44:02
  Eric: No, no.
• 44:02
  Eric: We're still on like third wave Mambo number five.
• 44:05
  Eric: Of course we are.
• 44:07
  Matt: Well, there's Mambo's number one through four for you all.
• 44:09
  Matt: There you go, folks.
• 44:10
  Matt: There you go.
• 44:11
  Matt: That's all she wrote.
• 44:12
  Matt: That's all we can riff on Mumbo's one through four.
• 44:16
  Matt: Now, Eric, I'm impressed with us and what we were able to put together.
• 44:22
  Matt: I could have said cobbler cobbled together, but I didn't.
• 44:25
  Eric: No, no.
• 44:26
  Matt: Because I'm a man of class and a man of dignity.
• 44:29
  Eric: The fruit hangs too low for Matt Shay.
• 44:31
  Matt: That's right.
• 44:32
  Eric: And on that note, I'd like to say, Eric, I hear you have a game for me.
• 44:36
  Eric: Oh, Matt, do I have a game for you?
• 44:38
  Eric: So, Matt, I don't know if you're aware of this.
• 44:40
  Eric: Your wife is with child.
• 44:42
  Eric: What?
• 44:43
  Eric: She is gravid.
• 44:45
  Eric: And Matt, what I've done, what I have for you here, are 18 uh baby raising recommendations from all across history.
• 45:00
  Eric: Oh, all right.
• 45:01
  Eric: All across so I want to preface this.
• 45:03
  Eric: Like from historical figures?
• 45:05
  Eric: From like historic time periods, certain decades.
• 45:08
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 45:09
  Eric: And I want to emphasize your goal here is not to ascertain whether or not this is good, reasonable, or actionable advice.
• 45:20
  Eric: Okay.
• 45:21
  Eric: Your goal is just is this something that people actually recommended for babies at some point in human history?
• 45:27
  Eric: Or is it something I made up?
• 45:30
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:30
  Matt: All right.
• 45:31
  Eric: So was this and and and I'm calling this.
• 45:34
  Matt: I was gonna say, hit me with the title, baby.
• 45:36
  Matt: Baby or bathwater.
• 45:40
  Eric: Son of a bitch.
• 45:42
  Eric: That's so good.
• 45:43
  Eric: I was most excited for that title.
• 45:45
  Matt: That is so good.
• 45:46
  Matt: That that is so good, it may very well be the name of the episode.
• 45:53
  Eric: Yes, so good.
• 45:54
  Eric: Baby means it's a real thing that people actually suggested.
• 45:58
  Eric: I got it.
• 46:00
  Eric: Bathwater is fake.
• 46:02
  Eric: Okay.
• 46:02
  Eric: All right.
• 46:03
  Eric: Number one, put your baby in a cage outside.
• 46:10
  Matt: I'm gonna I'm gonna hope that you made it up, but I'm going to guess that it's a baby.
• 46:17
  Eric: Absolutely true.
• 46:18
  Eric: This was recommended in the 1920s.
• 46:21
  Eric: 1920s?
• 46:22
  Eric: In the nine.
• 46:23
  Eric: Oh, you're gonna be, you're gonna, you're gonna fucking flip when you find out how recent a lot of these are.
• 46:28
  Eric: They would literally like almost like air conditioning units, like it would be a cage you hooked to your window and then locked your baby.
• 46:35
  Eric: So they because they they believed in like the whole like give y'all baby fresh air.
• 46:39
  Eric: Not that fresh.
• 46:40
  Eric: So fresh.
• 46:41
  Eric: No, not that fresh.
• 46:42
  Eric: Not a cradle, literal cage.
• 46:44
  Eric: Okay, that is horrifying, truly.
• 46:46
  Eric: All right.
• 46:47
  Eric: Number two, avoid any name starting with the same letter as the day they were born.
• 46:52
  Eric: It's bad luck.
• 46:53
  Eric: Baby.
• 46:54
  Eric: That is bath water.
• 46:56
  Eric: Okay, that's good.
• 46:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 46:58
  Matt: Now and now I have a barometer for what for what you are gonna come to the table with.
• 47:05
  Matt: Ooh, that was that was good.
• 47:09
  Eric: Thank you.
• 47:10
  Eric: Arguing with the baby before they develop speech will make them less likely to defy you.
• 47:16
  Eric: That has gotta be baby.
• 47:18
  Matt: There's gotta be some true shit.
• 47:20
  Matt: That's bath water, baby.
• 47:22
  Matt: No way! I I I was prepared for you to be like, yes, in the 1955 article from Father John.
• 47:31
  Eric: Oh, buckle up.
• 47:33
  Eric: Roll your baby in lard.
• 47:36
  Eric: Uh any kind of context as to why?
• 47:40
  Eric: Uh, it helps get rid of the of the gross gooey stuff that's on a baby after they're born.
• 47:46
  Eric: Okay, then in that case it's baby.
• 47:48
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 47:50
  Eric: That is that was a real thing.
• 47:51
  Eric: You wouldn't have thought of that.
• 47:53
  Eric: It was my logic.
• 47:56
  Eric: Damn.
• 47:57
  Eric: It's true.
• 47:58
  Eric: Um babies sleep best face down.
• 48:01
  Eric: I mean, I think that was popular belief at one point, so I will say baby.
• 48:07
  Eric: It was popular belief in the 1970s and 80s, yeah.
• 48:11
  Eric: And led to a massive spike in infant mortality.
• 48:15
  Eric: Yeah, no shit.
• 48:16
  Eric: Slap your six-month-old with a rubber hose to discourage stubbornness.
• 48:21
  Eric: That's Eric, if you made this up, I'm gonna say baby.
• 48:27
  Eric: I did not make this up.
• 48:29
  Eric: Good.
• 48:29
  Eric: Now, second guess.
• 48:31
  Eric: This is this is for brownie points.
• 48:33
  Eric: What decade?
• 48:34
  Eric: What like era century rubber hose to discourage stubbornness?
• 48:41
  Eric: 50s, 1950s.
• 48:43
  Eric: My dog, this was the early 2000s.
• 48:45
  Eric: I'm gonna die.
• 48:46
  Eric: That it was this guy, this piece of shit, and and his wife, they wrote a book.
• 48:50
  Eric: It was like, yup, you gotta, you, you, you'll make them unselfish, and you'll get rid of their stubbornness.
• 48:55
  Eric: And they're like, don't beat the baby, just fucking smack them with them with a rubber hose.
• 49:01
  Eric: 9-11 affected us all, did it not?
• 49:03
  Eric: Uh, for the generation brought to you by lead gasoline.
• 49:10
  Eric: Uh, gently squeeze the baby's head from both sides while they nap to prevent sinus issues and allergies.
• 49:17
  Matt: God, that's good.
• 49:18
  Matt: That does sound like some bullshit somebody would have said.
• 49:20
  Matt: And I'm gonna say you said that bullshit.
• 49:22
  Matt: Bathwater.
• 49:23
  Matt: I did.
• 49:23
  Eric: That is fake because that's what Matt did to the mother of his child.
• 49:27
  Eric: Squeezed her head in her sleep.
• 49:31
  Matt: Ah, go back and listen to Grippable Skull, everyone.
• 49:34
  Matt: One of our very best episodes, I assume.
• 49:38
  Eric: Do not tie your baby's bib too tightly, else you deprive the child of their emotional freedom.
• 49:44
  Eric: But if you tie it too loosely, you deny them the firmness of your love.
• 49:48
  Eric: Bathwater.
• 49:50
  Eric: That is bathwater.
• 49:51
  Eric: That is Dr.
• 49:51
  Eric: Lipschitz from Rugrats.
• 49:53
  Eric: Wow.
• 49:54
  Eric: That is what a pull, Eric.
• 49:57
  Matt: How did you come up with that?
• 49:59
  Matt: How did you find that?
• 50:00
  Matt: You just remembered that from days of your?
• 50:03
  Eric: Uh, I do, I I have, I one of my weird quirks is I do possess a massive depth of knowledge for Nickel old Nickelodeon quotes, but that one in particular, that idea to quote him, that was Alyssa.
• 50:14
  Eric: She was like, Oh, you should quote Dr.
• 50:15
  Eric: Lipshits.
• 50:16
  Matt: That's good.
• 50:16
  Matt: That's good.
• 50:17
  Matt: Good work, Alyssa.
• 50:18
  Eric: Pop-up books foster delusional behavior.
• 50:21
  Eric: Baby.
• 50:22
  Eric: That is also Dr.
• 50:24
  Eric: Lipshits.
• 50:25
  Eric: Damn good.
• 50:28
  Matt: That was good.
• 50:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 50:29
  Matt: Damn, Dr.
• 50:31
  Matt: Lipshits.
• 50:33
  Eric: You gotta be lipshitting me.
• 50:35
  Eric: Nice, Eric.
• 50:36
  Eric: Mummify your baby to promote limb growth.
• 50:39
  Eric: Mummify your baby?
• 50:41
  Eric: Essentially swaddle the entire baby and like tightly and that like and just keep on that.
• 50:49
  Eric: Absolutely true.
• 50:51
  Eric: It would this was an ancient practice practice until about the 1800s.
• 50:57
  Eric: People would just they would fucking rap and for months, Matt, for months, just keep their baby tightly bound up because they thought it just gave them longer limbs.
• 51:07
  Matt: I have been so stressed and nervous and paranoid about how much I don't know about raising a child.
• 51:14
  Matt: Oh, you're gonna feel great at it.
• 51:16
  Matt: I already feel so good.
• 51:18
  Matt: I'm like, oh, I do have common sense.
• 51:24
  Eric: Mothers should avoid looking at ugly people while pregnant, lest their child come out ugly.
• 51:31
  Eric: Oh god, bath water.
• 51:37
  Eric: Absolutely true.
• 51:38
  Eric: This was this was a thing.
• 51:40
  Eric: This was from the medieval period to like the early 20th century.
• 51:44
  Matt: It was I I thought it if it was true, it wouldn't be uh the the the adjective wouldn't be ugly.
• 51:50
  Matt: It'd be like ungainly people.
• 51:52
  Eric: Yeah, it it was this was this was back, and this was uh also related.
• 51:56
  Eric: There was a time when people thought you could catch like insanity from people by looking at a crazy person.
• 52:01
  Eric: That's why you like to see like a lot of old movies, like they think someone's going crazy, they cover their eyes.
• 52:06
  Matt: I do think that's true.
• 52:07
  Matt: That's why I never look you in the eye.
• 52:10
  Eric: Um but uh yeah, it was a it was it was a weird, commonly held belief that if you looked at ugly people or or like or disabled people while pregnant, your baby would come out like either either unattractive or disabled.
• 52:25
  Eric: And that is so fucking nuts to me.
• 52:28
  Eric: Wow.
• 52:29
  Eric: Humans are dumb.
• 52:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 52:33
  Eric: Uh rub your baby in motor oil and wrap them in rubber bands in order to promote flexibility.
• 52:39
  Eric: I'm lost now.
• 52:41
  Matt: I I don't have I it's the after the second one I said I had a barometer.
• 52:46
  Matt: That is simply not true.
• 52:47
  Eric: That is fucking crazy when there's no clue.
• 52:50
  Eric: I'm gonna say bathwater.
• 52:53
  Eric: That is bath water, that is fake because that's what you do to baseball gloves.
• 52:57
  Eric: Oh okay.
• 52:58
  Eric: Now that you say it, yeah.
• 53:01
  Eric: Yeah, that was that one was for you.
• 53:03
  Eric: Making the baby choose between two objects, such as a sword and a ball, will develop a stronger bond between father and child.
• 53:12
  Eric: I think that's true.
• 53:14
  Eric: I'm gonna say baby.
• 53:15
  Matt: That is hold on.
• 53:17
  Matt: By I think that's true, I mean I think that's a thing people thought.
• 53:22
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 53:23
  Eric: Just to clarify.
• 53:25
  Eric: That is fake.
• 53:26
  Eric: That is just the plot of Shogun Assassin.
• 53:28
  Eric: That was just for me and the one or two people who will go, fuck yeah, when they hear that.
• 53:33
  Matt: Nice.
• 53:34
  Eric: When the baby is crying, cry back and try to harmonize with their crying in order to bond with them.
• 53:40
  Eric: Well, you shouldn't do that.
• 53:42
  Eric: And I'm gonna say bathwater.
• 53:44
  Eric: That is fake.
• 53:45
  Eric: Cry back.
• 53:47
  Eric: Don't don't ignore them.
• 53:48
  Eric: Yes, and them.
• 53:49
  Eric: No, they it's not their only means of communication.
• 53:54
  Eric: It's not the only it's not like every literally every bad thing they're experiencing is the literal worst thing that's ever happened to them so far.
• 54:03
  Eric: Uh, when you find your baby's first tooth, you must buy them a pair of shoes, or your house will get rats.
• 54:11
  Matt: Rats, not even mice.
• 54:12
  Matt: Straight to rats.
• 54:14
  Matt: Baby.
• 54:15
  Eric: This is uh oh, this is baby.
• 54:17
  Eric: This is modern day uh Portugal.
• 54:19
  Eric: Thank you.
• 54:20
  Matt: Modern day?
• 54:22
  Eric: Yeah, that I was I was now I was reading through threads and people were like, I was like, what the fuck?
• 54:27
  Eric: Weird fucking parenthood.
• 54:28
  Eric: And someone was like in the comments, was like, my mom told me that when I had my kid, fucking I I I had to fucking buy him shoes when they lose a first tooth.
• 54:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 54:40
  Eric: Or we'll get rats.
• 54:41
  Eric: You'll get rats.
• 54:42
  Matt: God sends rats to those without shoes.
• 54:46
  Eric: Rats and angels, baby.
• 54:48
  Eric: That'll teach you to not have footwear.
• 54:50
  Eric: Christening the baby with the pulp of the baobab fruit will bring them good fortune.
• 54:55
  Eric: Bath water.
• 54:56
  Eric: True, this is fake.
• 54:58
  Eric: That was how Rafiki baptized Simba in the line.
• 55:01
  Eric: I I thought it had an air of a pop culture reference to you to it.
• 55:06
  Eric: Yep, yep.
• 55:06
  Eric: Good man, good man.
• 55:08
  Eric: If you own a dog, make sure to poke and prod them relentlessly in order to condition them for living with a baby.
• 55:19
  Matt: I'm gonna again, don't do that.
• 55:22
  Matt: And I'm gonna say baby.
• 55:24
  Eric: That is baby, that's that's called Cradle and Message, and it's from the early 2000s.
• 55:30
  Matt: Early 2000s.
• 55:31
  Eric: It does sound like some shit somebody would believe.
• 55:34
  Eric: And then this brings us to Newborns are allergic to wooden buttons.
• 55:39
  Eric: Hmm.
• 55:40
  Eric: Baby.
• 55:41
  Eric: Fake.
• 55:42
  Eric: Credit goes to Alyssa who said, quote, you ever seen a baby with a wooden button?
• 55:49
  Matt: No, no, barely seen corduroy with one.
• 55:52
  Eric: Let me let me run your score.
• 55:53
  Eric: Let's see, we got one, two, three, four, five.
• 55:55
  Eric: Yeah, put it crunch those numbers.
• 55:57
  Eric: 12 out of 18, Matthew.
• 56:00
  Eric: Hey.
• 56:00
  Eric: That's fucking pretty good.
• 56:02
  Eric: Someone's been reading some books.
• 56:04
  Eric: That's two-thirds.
• 56:06
  Eric: Someone's been reading some books.
• 56:11
  Eric: It is true, though.
• 56:14
  Eric: I have to do that.
• 56:14
  Eric: While I have you here, what because you've been reading so what is okay, what is what is the one thing you would say so far, the piece of advice that you've read that legitimately blew your mind?
• 56:24
  Eric: You're like, oh, holy shit.
• 56:26
  Eric: Like I would have never thought of that.
• 56:27
  Eric: Oh, interesting.
• 56:28
  Eric: And what is the most I can't believe they had to explain this to people.
• 56:34
  Matt: Um well, I mean, just like some of the things you already covered of like the face down sleeping.
• 56:41
  Matt: Don't put baby face down.
• 56:42
  Matt: They are in notably incapable of rolling over.
• 56:46
  Matt: Uh so it's a kind of a big milestone when they do.
• 56:52
  Matt: So uh there is stuff like that that I'm like, okay, well, fuck, I knew that.
• 56:58
  Matt: Like, I didn't I didn't need to be told that.
• 57:00
  Matt: Um, there have been a lot of like practical tips.
• 57:04
  Matt: Um that by the way, a lot of unsolicited advice comes your way when you uh announce that you're having a baby.
• 57:11
  Matt: Uh but the uh don't give your kid wooden buttons.
• 57:14
  Matt: I wouldn't dream of it.
• 57:16
  Matt: Um I did recently get what I think is a very practical tip uh from one of the books uh going through a strategy of loading the diaper bag and like what to include in it and all that kind of stuff, which in itself was interesting.
• 57:31
  Matt: Uh one of the things, the last thing on the list, it was a very long list that ended with duct tape.
• 57:37
  Matt: Hey, you never know.
• 57:38
  Matt: Um the and I thought that was interesting, but that's not the point I was gonna make.
• 57:43
  Matt: The point I was gonna make was the the two bits of advice are surrounding the diaper bag was when you leave the house with the baby, and dads, feel free to weigh in.
• 57:53
  Matt: Um dads.
• 57:55
  Matt: The second you close the door, anything you forgot is gone.
• 58:00
  Matt: Buy and stay.
• 58:01
  Matt: It is in the abyss.
• 58:03
  Matt: It's in the abyss because if you make a habit of going back for something you forgot, you'll never leave the house.
• 58:07
  Matt: And so just like it's a life lesson for next time, move on.
• 58:12
  Matt: And the second bit is when you return to the home, restock the bag immediately.
• 58:18
  Matt: So it is ready to go at the drop of a hat.
• 58:22
  Matt: And that was one that I was like, oh, mental note on that one.
• 58:25
  Matt: That is a good idea.
• 58:26
  Matt: So that's like the most recent thing that like one of my books like threw at me that I was like, Oh, that's good.
• 58:32
  Matt: Always be sure to oil your baby cage.
• 58:35
  Matt: Yes, oil the baby cage.
• 58:37
  Matt: You don't want rust to get in there.
• 58:39
  Matt: You don't want a rusty baby.
• 58:41
  Matt: No, you can't have a rusty baby.
• 58:43
  Matt: The uh I I will say that my whole social media algorithm is all babies.
• 58:51
  Matt: All babies, all babies, all baby related things.
• 58:54
  Eric: Oh my god, you're the you are the primary demographic now.
• 58:58
  Eric: You are you are a parent with child and a baby.
• 59:01
  Eric: The algorithm has sunk its teeth.
• 59:03
  Eric: You're like, ooh, we're gonna be milking this for the next 18 years.
• 59:07
  Matt: I have started a folder on my TikTok uh that uh I I never had folders in my saved.
• 59:15
  Matt: I never had that.
• 59:16
  Matt: And now I have one because I'm starting to get TikToks that are I'm just like, oh no, I do want to see this swaddling demonstration again in three months.
• 59:26
  Matt: Like, uh I I do want these tips when I can follow all swaddle me this, Batman.
• 59:34
  Eric: It's the Bibbler.
• 59:35
  Matt: It's the Bibbler.
• 59:36
  Matt: Um, yeah, there's there's there's no end to the the baby content that I am I am given.
• 59:43
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 59:44
  Matt: But uh Welcome to our now parenting podcast.
• 59:48
  Matt: Parenting podcast.
• 59:49
  Matt: Um the uh but yeah, no, no, no, no.
• 59:52
  Matt: There there's been a lot of that.
• 59:54
  Matt: And then I think the most real tip someone in person has given me has been everything you do is controversial.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: Everything you do is every every decision you make as a parent is controversial.
• 1:00:05
  Matt: Correct.
• 1:00:07
  Matt: Uh like like literally any topic.
• 1:00:10
  Matt: Co-sleeping, bad.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: Not co-sleeping, also bad.
• 1:00:12
  Matt: Like like any, you know.
• 1:00:15
  Eric: Oh, don't feed the baby.
• 1:00:16
  Eric: What are you doing?
• 1:00:18
  Matt: Yeah, like but there is that, right?
• 1:00:20
  Matt: There is that's a very basic one.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: Formula versus breast milk.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: Like it's it's it every single aspect of shit.
• 1:00:28
  Eric: Every single aspect.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: I I cannot wait.
• 1:00:30
  Eric: I'm gonna start a new segment on the show, which is I'm like, all right, Matt, what do you disagree with Lindsay about in your parenting's time?
• 1:00:37
  Eric: That is the Lindsay's correction corner becomes so much more dire.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: Eric, that is solely for off mic on God.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: Solely off Mike on God.
• 1:00:51
  Eric: Off Mike on God.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: Can you believe she's holding this kid?
• 1:00:55
  Eric: I'm not a bright man, but I'm not a dumb man.
• 1:01:01
  Matt: Not real, by the way, not the the the bit-free answer is so so far we're pretty much we're pretty aligned.
• 1:01:07
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: A fucking course.
• 1:01:09
  Eric: You you two you two are are fucking in the drift.
• 1:01:12
  Eric: We we are pretty in the drift on on our thoughts on parenting thus far.
• 1:01:16
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:18
  Eric: Dr.
• 1:01:19
  Eric: Lindsay Arbar is on that that that list of people in my head that's just labeled do not fuck with.
• 1:01:25
  Eric: No, no.
• 1:01:26
  Eric: Oh goodness, no.
• 1:01:28
  Matt: And you know, once once she's Dr.
• 1:01:32
  Matt: Mama Barr.
• 1:01:33
  Matt: Oh, God help me.
• 1:01:35
  Matt: God help you.
• 1:01:36
  Matt: Um, yeah.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: I mean, the only the only person you're gonna have to worry about more is me.
• 1:01:42
  Matt: There it is.
• 1:01:43
  Matt: There it is.
• 1:01:43
  Matt: There's that B D E.
• 1:01:45
  Matt: And that I think will about do it for this rambling and brambling episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: Folks, we do need those questions.
• 1:01:57
  Matt: I do want you to send them to us.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: You can do it at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:02:02
  Matt: That's all spelled out, or on the various socials at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:02:07
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:02:09
  Matt: Send us a DM, whatever you want to do.
• 1:02:11
  Matt: Call the thought line and leave us some thoughts.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: If you're a parent, tell us the wildest piece of parenting advice you've ever gotten.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: Actually, that's really good.
• 1:02:20
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:20
  Eric: Tell us the most batshit insane thing that someone's told you you should do for the welfare of your child.
• 1:02:26
  Eric: Talking to you dads.
• 1:02:27
  Eric: Feel free to drop your dad tips.
• 1:02:29
  Matt: Dad, dad it up.
• 1:02:31
  Matt: Dad, let you know what dad's in here.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: And you can even say this isn't even for content.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: I just want to make sure you do this.
• 1:02:39
  Matt: You can do that.
• 1:02:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:41
  Eric: You can do that.
• 1:02:41
  Eric: And and moms, you ain't gotta do a fucking thing.
• 1:02:44
  Eric: The dads can call in for once.
• 1:02:46
  Matt: No, they can do something, god damn it.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: I do, I feel like I mostly uh I'm it's it's a lot of getting water.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: Uh, you know.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: Like you're a stable boy.
• 1:03:01
  Matt: I'll fetch the water.
• 1:03:02
  Matt: Must water the wife.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: You'd see.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: I bring her her oats.
• 1:03:06
  Matt: Oh, yes, yes.
• 1:03:07
  Matt: It's funny that you should say oats because the weird thing Lindsay's become obsessed with is frosted mini wheats.
• 1:03:18
  Eric: Just get her fucking feedback of frosted mini wheats and rubber down.
• 1:03:23
  Matt: I have made multiple specific trips to the grocery store simply because we are out of frosted mini wheats.
• 1:03:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  Matt: Um but also um you could send us a message on the Discord, but you can only do that if you join the Patreon.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this.
• 1:03:42
  Eric: That's right, baby.
• 1:03:43
  Eric: And you know what you get over there.
• 1:03:45
  Matt: You know what you know.
• 1:03:46
  Matt: We've told you enough.
• 1:03:47
  Matt: You've heard about the orgy dome.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: Go find out about it.
• 1:03:49
  Matt: You've heard about the orgy dome and the fucking bonus episodes and the discounts and all the good shit.
• 1:03:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:55
  Matt: So, Eric, uh what do you think?
• 1:03:57
  Matt: Have we done the business?
• 1:03:58
  Matt: I think we done did it, Matthew.
• 1:04:00
  Matt: I think we done did it too.
• 1:04:02
  Matt: So, for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:04:04
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: And listen to me.
• 1:04:09
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:04:10
  Eric: But baby want the cage.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: Babies yearn for the cage.
• 1:04:15
  Eric: Babies yearn for the cage.
• 1:04:16
  Eric: They yearn for the cage.
• 1:04:18
  Eric: I think that's where we're fucking up.
• 1:04:19
  Eric: We stopped putting our babies in wind in like little windowsill cages to let them get some fresh air.
• 1:04:27
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:04:27
  Eric: You heard it here first.
• 1:04:28
  Eric: Banging their little sippy cup on the on the bar.
• 1:04:31
  Matt: You heard it here first, folks, in the year 2026.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: Eric wants babies in cages.
• 1:04:38
  Matt: I want parents.
• 1:04:41
  Matt: About the context.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: Didn't think about the social implications.
• 1:04:46
  Eric: Keep the government out of my baby cage.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: Parents, raise your fucking kid and put them in window cages.
• 1:04:53
  Eric: Raise them up to the windowsill and put them in the baby cage.
• 1:04:57
  Matt: Come on.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: We haven't put the baby cage on the registry.
• 1:05:00
  Matt: Ooh, I'll get that.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: I'll get that.