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What I've Learnt - Tottie Goldsmith · WHAT I'VE LEARNT

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Goodwilled champion for her Auntie Olivia Newton-Johns Cancer and Wellness Centre and recipient of an OAM for her services to the arts, Tottie Goldsmith has graced our screens and many stages across Australia, singing, acting, even tap dancing her way across the globe.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: One of eight children to her five times married father, the renowned eccentric nightclub owner Brian Goldsmith, Tottti's life has never been dull.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's brimmed with a kaleidoscope of family and friends, many from the arts.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's always been a rich tapestry with layers of love and a lot of music too.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Her girl band The Santoosies started back in the 80s, and they're all still super connected.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Ever since I can remember, Totti's beauty, warmth, and down-to-earth style has been loved by so many.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some seeing sunny shades of her famous auntie Olivia in that beautiful smile.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Tot has always had her fair share of challenges and disappointments and has been confronted by the loss of her beautiful mum Rona to cancer several years ago, and now is right by the side of her Aunt Olivia as she battles stage four cancer.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Blessed with her gorgeous 27-year-old Bohemian daughter Layla, Tot is grateful and loves to meditate and eat super healthy whenever she can.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: She takes nothing for granted, including the opportunities she has had.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's very excited about her latest film, The Chaverna, a dark comedy released this year through Palasinless, and has recently accepted a role in a beautiful play called The Guys, which centers on the story in the aftermath of 9-11.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: But this year has been challenging for many reasons.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd like to welcome Toddy Goldsmith to the What I've Learned podcast to talk about what she's learned from life students.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Toddy, we've actually known each other since we were kids.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Back in the King Street Underground club years when your dad, Brian, was transforming the nightclub industry.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Those were the days my friend.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: He actually gave me my first job.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: But can we start by talking about your role with the Olivia Newton-John Cancer Centre, how Olivia's going, and also how proud she is that you've received that OAN.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You say she's like a mother figure to you.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: What have you learned?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's definitely led by example for me.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was really interesting growing up, you know, with my dad bringing the whole nightclub thing to Australia, there was nothing else around.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So he was, you know, the grandfather, the Joyen of the industry.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so whoever would come to Australia, um, artists, musicians, sports people, all went there.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I was raised with celebrities around me from a really, really young age.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I never thought of Olivia as a celebrity because she was my aunt Olivia.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And in those days, there wasn't the internet, so I couldn't see really how big she was in the world.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And um good point.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: It was beautiful, it was really beautiful to watch her just stay really true to herself.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: And her drive has always been about other people.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: She's never, you know, when she started the hospital, which I think is like 14 or 15 years ago now, like when it was from ground up.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I've been working with her since the early fundraising days before there was even a hole in the ground.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then in the beautiful building, it's been really important for her to have something else to focus on apart from herself, because she doesn't really like talking about herself all the time.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's been um a really apart from it being a driving force because of you know, her cancer and everybody's cancer, um, it's given her a legacy and a really important um purpose in life, mainly in terms of not just cancer treatment, but the wellness that supports it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because when she went through her first part of her cancer journey, she was having to outsource and go and find um, you know, acupuncture and and um massage, oncology massage, and all the things that can really help support the cancer journey.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And because she had music herself, she could focus off what she was going through with cancer and focus into her music.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: So at the center, it was really important for her to have music therapy and art therapy and all sorts of things.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So she really brings what she believes in that's good for the cancer journey and for the whole person, body, mind, and spirit, you know, into the world.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I'm just so proud of her.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And also it's been really interesting with the cannabis journey with her because Olivia is so straight.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: She's I never joined her life.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's always really hard to get her to have a glass of wine.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, come on, have a glass of wine.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: She's very, very pure.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then John Easterly, my husband, you know, he's the Amazon man and he's all into plant medicine.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: So he introduced her, especially in her second stage of um, well, it was actually her third stage of cancer, for the pain.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And she got into using cannabis oil, and she's been up against a lot of trolling people.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And if only people in Australia would understand the incredible benefits of cannabis oil for pain, because it's it's one thing to go through radiotherapy, chemotherapy, and all those shocking and hard, aggressive medications to then put painkillers on top of it, your body's overloading with toxins.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so to be adding CBD oil, you know, that's specifically aimed at pain for her, you know, for cancer patients, has been so incredibly uh important in her healing journey.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so they're they're massive advocates for it.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm very proud of her.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when you talk about trolling, what is it that they troll?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, what's the nature of the trolls?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Is it that it's seen as I think you know, drugs.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And they see plant medicine as drugs.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And also, look, I've been I've been at the end of trolling myself, and you you look at it, and my brother Charlie as well, he's a healer, he's been trolled.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Look at that.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: If people don't understand something, they attack it.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think um it's it's in someone's body to be aggressive, and that's they're the ones that are wearing the pain.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's awful to be trolled, but it's worse to be a troller.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: To actually have that level of aggression that you need to reach out to someone and attack them for doing really nothing to you.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's an interesting, you've got to look at the whole human condition for that.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so have you learned from Olivia how, because obviously she's been in the public eye for so many years, has she taught you about um, I mean, how has she dealt with that?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not only is she physically dealing with something extremely difficult, but emotionally.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how what have you learned from her about how to navigate that?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Does she ignore it?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: She was so young when she went to London.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think she was 15.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would have to go to work.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's about 15 or 16 when she won a show.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember the name right now, but she got to London.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: She did her first recording, I think it was Banks of the Ohio.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then it started sort of building for her.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: So it was like a gentle, it wasn't like kids have to deal with now, which is you go on something like the voice, and you go from obscurity to millions of people watching you and having to adjust to that.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't the same.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: She had a gentle transition.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then when Greece happened, they had no idea that was going to be huge.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was this little film and a really low budget, but that propelled her career out of the UK into America and it took on a whole nother thing.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: So she, yeah, she did have to adjust to that, but she's she um doesn't reside in ego, so you know.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she sounds balanced, very centered.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And also, uh just even when she has been interviewed, I've noticed that she really stays focused on what she wants to focus on.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like if she's talking about the cannabis and and and how it's helping her, that's her mission.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't get sidetracked by all of the noise because you'd have to, you'd have to learn to block that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's probably something you've learned too over time, because you've been in the public eye for many years, Toddy.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like ever since I can remember.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I guess, you know, with her, I just saw her take it in a stride, and I did too.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Look, I would have done things differently had I been more mature.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm a late bloomer, but when I was signed up to networks and doing shows, and you were told you had to do this much publicity and this much publicity for that and turn up here and turn up there.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was such a people pleaser in those days because of my wounding.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I, you know, I did.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: If I could have done it all over again, again, I would have protected myself a little bit more.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, when you do sign up to a show, you sort of have to be in agree in agreement of doing certain public things.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: And um I wasn't, I looked really good at doing that stuff, but deep down I wasn't really good at doing that stuff.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: You did carry yourself very well, but I think also you actually at least weren't subject, as you say, to the full on, full-blown social media onslaught, which young actors are now subject to.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean it's just overwhelming.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You you had, you know, there was the new ideas and there was the magazines and there was all of that, but it was slightly tamer comparatively, probably.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Totally tamer.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, can you imagine?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine now.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's terrifying.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I really I know there's a lot of benefits in social media now.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know there's you can build your um following, you get many more opportunities to share your art.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you're a singer or a dancer or a poet or a painter, there's there's benefits to this, but the the downside of it is you know, having to maintain that.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's tricky.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm on social media, especially, you know, being with the Santouzis and other bands, it's a responsibility for your work.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: But outside of that, it's like um sometimes I just got to go out of it for a while and just you know, pull them because otherwise it can, I really understand how g kids get caught up in it, and I think it's really tough on their self-esteem as well.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I was really glad when they took away the numbers of likes on Instagram.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Same, I agree.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, one thing I've known about you, Toddy, is you've always liked the chanteus as you mentioned, and you girls have maintained this close relationship for so many years.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you've also got really close girlfriends, which I know.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um you're one of those girls that really gets other women, and I think you really nurture, you're very nurturing that way.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like whether it's Eloise or whether it's um the Shantoosies, you tell me what you've learned from your girlfriends.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think, see, my mum left when I was really young, I was two and a half, and I think there was something in that that made women in my life really important to me.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe, and then they my nickname with the girls in the band is Mama Toots or Tootsie Mama.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I tend to be nurturing and maybe on a subconscious level, I'm giving what I so deeply crave.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we do that.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think you know, everything we do in life, if we really sit down and think about it, there's a deep need behind it.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you if you haven't been good at touch or being touched, I know people that have become yoga instructors and you know, things like that.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I think on a subconscious level, um, yeah, we do what we what we need the most.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And my girlfriends are so important to me, so important.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I have deep connected relationships with them, and I and I feel very proud.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're the family you choose.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And they adore you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know they adore you.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so tell me also, just a very important person in your life is your gorgeous Layla.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me a little bit about Layla and what you've learned from her and how she because I know I've got a 27-year-old as well, so we have very similar age girls, and um, they really do take you on this incredible journey.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: What's Layla taught you?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, at the beginning, I think um when she was going through the terrible twos, which kind of happened at three, and you know, they they don't know how to express themselves, they have throwdowns at the most inappropriate moments.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I learned because Stevie, her dad, got me into meditation, got me into transcendental meditation when I was pregnant.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I keep going, I'm not the kind that can meditate.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, You are so the kind that can meditate because you need it.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I was.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: My brain was going 100 miles an hour, I had anxiety, all these things were going on.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: What I learned from meditation is to witness yourself and witness life.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So when Layla would have her little meltdowns, I wouldn't become part of the drama.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: I could sit and witness it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess what she what we taught each other is to self-soothe.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And she had a very different life to me.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, our kids are very like us because they this part of it's genetic.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm incredibly like my mother in a lot of ways, but I didn't grow up with her, and it was wild when I got to meet her.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's like even our houses were kind of decked out the same way.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: And supposedly Olivia says I move exactly the same way, and we've got not dissimilar personality types, but I wasn't raised with her.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: And but I think um Layla came out from a different set of circumstances.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I came out with abandonment issues.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Layla doesn't have that because Steve and I, even when we decided the marriage wasn't working, we were solid together as parents.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I think kids that have one solid parent, it's great.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: You have two solid parents that are on the same page.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: The children or child tend to have feel incredibly safe on the planet.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: It anchors them.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: They feel anchored.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: They feel very loved.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas I was searching for love.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, my dad was there, but he wasn't an intimate person.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't, we didn't connect on the real things that were going on with me because of his generation.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: They just didn't, they didn't say I love you, and they didn't say how are you, and they didn't have that stuff.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it was interesting because Fiona, my older sister, she's uh two and a half years old, I think.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: We got into a spiritual, well, she led it.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: She started um Chinese medicine, and then she started finding, we used to talk about it, and it for us was there was a sense of something more intelligent and bigger around us.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: And we used to talk about it, and then when we got into our later teens, we started finding books on spirituality, and that was what it was, and so we kind of held each other's hand through um through this sort of transition into finding some sort of understanding of ourselves while we're here, what it means to be human.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: And because I did all that work with my sister and went on a journey of my own, I could help my daughter through her tough times.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been far from the perfect mother, but I don't think no one's a perfect mother, yeah.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, really, you know, but at least I can connect with her on an intimate level and help her make choices.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's getting back to my girlfriends, it was the same thing.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Layla was also born on my birthday, so it was like the universe saying, you have a real chance to be the mother that you always wanted.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's been a really important part of my journey with my daughter.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, she's very lucky to have you, Toddy.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're very, you know, I mean, it's interesting you say that just on that spirituality and the way that you and Fiona had gone on this journey, um, seeking journey.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Was there any, is there any book or or particular author that resonated with you?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I do ask my guests for a book that they recommend and also their favorite music that they're listening to.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: So just keep that up your sleeve too.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I just thought I might grab that moment because I'd be interested to see, was there something that stood out to you that really there were different books?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I I I can't remember the first ones, but I do remember when I read Conversations of God.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I think I was in my twenties by then, and I replaced the word God with spirit in my head, but it made sense to me, and it's things started really landing.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then I went through quite a rough time.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I got chronic fatigue really badly, and I was really needing um support to try and understand my journey and what I understood that got me, you know, to that place.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it was um Dr.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Wayne Dyer, actually.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was called Spiritual Solutions.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a spiritual solution to every problem, and that was another shift.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think it's one particular book.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think we when the students ready the teacher will come.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I just kept being led to I remember reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I remember reading, there are a whole lot of them, but I was definitely on a spiritual search because I had real anxiety issues, and no one talked about it then.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember that.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was like was that about a decade ago?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Would that be now?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: More than a decade it started.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've I've been in a much better place since getting into my 30s, having Layla resolving, because when she turned three, remember her third birthday, and I'm looking at my kid, I'm going, how could my mother leave?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to like get my head, she left three children and went to England, trying to get my head around the whole thing.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it really hit me deeply that I was once a little girl, abandoned, and no wonder I had some anxiety issues.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then I could forgive myself for being anxious and having abandonment issues.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: We, you know, we we need to come to a time where we can work our ourselves out.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: But the beautiful thing about this journey is I wouldn't change a thing because I've used every single part of it in my work on every level, and here comes my cat.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, what's our cat's what's your cat's name?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Jenna May.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: She's a little rescued cat, and she's 10.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: So she's got abandonment issues and she's very needy.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Who's she's got her mama?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, actually, I think you're a you're a real nurturer.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's and that explains a lot, Toddy, too, though, because it comes from that, from that need to understand it and then to make sure that no one else ever feels the same pain that you experience.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it I think most of the most my closest friends and my most interesting friends are people that have gone through all sorts of difficulties and traumas and overcome them.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And we drop into the depth of who we are, and it can be an extremely painful journey.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, I remember feeling raw, like I've had no skin, and so sensitive to the world.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to die.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how I was going to actually cope in the world.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then you get through and then you shift again.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And the beautiful thing about going through rough times is the empathy that you grow so you can sit with somebody else in their discomfort and their pain and not try and change the subject or fix them or fade it or turn it down.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: You can be very present with other people.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a beautiful quality for people to have.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I agree.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, I think there will be a lot of people who will listen to this, and I can think of quite a few, actually, just off the top of my head, who will listen to what you're saying and it will really resonate because actually it's part of the human condition to experience what you're talking about.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And fortunately, we are actually putting it out there a lot more than we used to, as you say, when you and I were growing up, although my father was a psychiatrist, so we got to talk about all of that.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: You got to, yeah.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a lot of talking about all that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: But um it's like, no, but it's interesting just hearing you because I know lots of people will resonate exactly what you're saying.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember when you were unwell, that it was a journey you were on, but somehow I knew that you would come through it, but you had to find your way, and that's the other thing that you're owning, is saying everyone has to find their own way through the tunnel.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the tunnel is the greatest learning journey, but when you're in it, you feel like you'll never see the light of day.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I remember Eloise, our beautiful mutual friend, said to me, Yes, um, honey, the birthing canal is very traumatic, but you'll come out the other end.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it feels such a like I know she's all heart.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: But it was interesting because Olivia, I got so sick and I hadn't worked at this stage for about three years.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I got I went down heavy with it, and it wasn't a light chronic fatigue, it was like a because I got Guiadia on top of it, and I just I was a mess.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, she took me up to her farm that's up near Gaia, and she said to me, honey, surrender.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I loved her, and I didn't really understand what surrender meant.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it, didn't mean give up, but I didn't really understand surrender, and we spent hours talking about surrender.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was a very big part of me, knowing that this came in for a reason, and thanks to my ex-husband Stevie, he taught me about visualization stuff.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I used to visualize myself robust and well because you can sink into illness or you can choose to fight through and get back your life back, um, which I did, but surrender was a very important thing to allow.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, do you think that's the power of the mind?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you believe in that notion that that, or do you think the body will heal when it's ready?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you think that you escalate or elevate?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think the mind has a very powerful influence on the body.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: I also think our emotions, our feelings, you can tell yourself, oh, I'm happy, oh I'm well, but it's got to land in your body and you've got to get into your body to these.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: We're also we're not what, you know, we're interconnected, we are.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: What that it's not a separate thing.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I think we can our feelings can help us.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: If we have happier feelings, our bodies are happier.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: What's that saying?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: Smile, um, smile, and the rest of you will smile with you, or something like that.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: But it's true.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you actually smile, you feel happier.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, and but it's all it's a it's a holistic thing.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not one thing.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's you know, eating the right food and sleeping and meditating and having fun as well, going out and having some champagnes or wines with your girlfriends.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's that's balance, you know.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And tell me, just on that note, um, you're still very close with Steve Lee, your ex-husband, father of Layla.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, now this year tragically had a a serious stroke.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it was up at the beautiful Falls Creek where you've spent many, many times enjoying the snow, many years with and I had Layla, like you know, I was pregnant up there.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: I've spent years, years and years in the snow.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's been oh chokes me.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's um it's been heartbreaking.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I know, and happy thing as well because um because he's alive.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he was, you know, he was um the fittest, youngest, beautiful most, I mean he's beautiful, but just so healthy and fit and jumping off mountains and surfing, he's my age, 58, and he looked like a 40-year-old and just such a beautiful free spirit and such a good human being.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, in my marriage and my time with him, even as friends before marriage, after marriage, I watched him always helping people, you know, in quadriplegics and paraplegics and helping them get rigs to ski and doors, and he's just like got this generous heart.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he had this stroke, and it was just so well, it was on Father's Day, and when Layla told me, it was just like, I can't even tell you the shop we were all in.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been three months now, but we've been doing a fundraiser for him because Stevie never had money, you know.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: He did three Olympics, he he gave his blood to Australia and got us on the map.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: And what you know, what do you do after that in that era?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's he did commentating and stuff, but he opened a lodge in Japan, but that was later in life, and he's never been the guy that it's all about money, it's always been about experience, yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Experience, and that's been his currency.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, his currency is love and helping other people, and then this happens to him, and that I think part of why I get so choked is the love that's poured out.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we've said we need money for him.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't own a house, he's homeless.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: He'll be in hospital, he's still in hospital.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: It looks like he'll sort of get out in February and then he'll be in rehab for like seven other years.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa, six months minimum.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I'm seeing this guy that was oh, so being strong and young, just in a wheelchair, and we're not gonna let him go on home because that man has done so much for this country and so much for people, that we're gonna get him living in Mount Beauty at the base of the mountain, and he's gonna be surrounded by friends, and he's gonna be in nature, and he ain't gonna be in a home.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, all of his friends, including me and his two beautiful sisters, we've got a committee, and um, his friends are extraordinary.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: His friends, he has friends like I have friends, they are so there and so solid by him, and a lot of them are Olympic skiers and sports people, and um, this has been a really it's it's bittersweet, it's so bitter, but the beauty that's come out of it is exquisite, and I'm really looking forward to um I'm spending Christmas with the family, and I just you know, it's he's four, he's up in Wangarada Hospital, and Leila's four hours away up at the base at the mountain.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: She's in Mount Beauty, and I just can't wait to get there.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's you know it's really interesting.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're first of all, can you tell our listeners if they do want to donate?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Where can they donate?
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is have you got a website or something that well there's Steve Lee, it's all on Facebook.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so they can go to Steve Lee.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Steve Lee Fightback.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I saw that.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just if if people are interested in, because he was he's a great Australian and and I think as well as a loving father and Steve Lee Sports Tribe on Facebook is where people get updates, and then you can find out how to um donate donate.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, we need we need to raise money for him.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's the NDIS will supply a certain amount of things, helping us with wheelchairs and you know, getting him treatment and stuff, but it's this is a long road ahead.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: But because he's a you know three-time Olympian and athlete, we hold so much hope because he is determined to walk again.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: And at this point, three months in, they put him in a slim and they put him over a walker, uh, like a treadmill, and they've got noses, and they're trying to get his brain to remember what one foot does after another, and he's having speech therapy and all sorts of therapy, and it's exhausting.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: But he's he's at it like he's an Olympic champion, but he's also got some cognitive problems.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: So uh he won't ever be able to live alone, and um, there's it's a big road ahead, and the love that's poured in is just what have you learned about your own?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's very interesting, you know, there are a lot of ex-wives or people that have disconnected, divorced, and they really don't have a lot of connection.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: There is something quite extraordinary about the way you two, as you say, have continued to be connected um as friends and also to co-parent Layla.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Neither of us are grudge holders, neither of us are bitter people.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: We loved each other.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: I still love him, I know he loves me.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: The marriage didn't work because of our careers and a whole lot of things that were happening for us at the time, but it didn't take away the friendship and we got through our shit, and we're both not ego-driven, so we could let go.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, trust me, we had some, you know, we had some issues like everyone does when you're like everyone breaking, like everyone, but we put them aside because that's the kind of people we are, and I've you know, I've dated men and I've watched the bitterness between exes, and I see the children suffer, and it breaks my heart, and all you've got to do is let go of your need to be right.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: So true, Todddy.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: One of the best lessons to learn, and you know, you and I have both been on our journeys, and and I think it certainly is one of the biggest.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can either go left or right with it when it comes to a choice, everything's a choice.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: It is more difficult if you've got one person that is in their soul, in their spirit, and the other one isn't.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: That can be very difficult.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I really understand that, but I believe never give up, never say a bad thing about the other parent ever.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Stevie is very lucky to have you, let me tell you, and to have you in his life.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: On another note, a lot of your friends are in the arts.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: You have always, you know, whether they're musicians, actors, and you've always been very involved.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: The arts has had a pretty big smashing through COVID.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the people I've interviewed are really either struggling to get back on their feet, and we're talking big, successful um uh performers, musicians.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think is up ahead?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: And do you hold hope for where we're gonna how we're gonna get out of this and how the arts is gonna survive?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Which it has to.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: I I refuse to have anything but hope.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's just throwing the towel then if you don't have hope.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: I look, I've got this it's a double-edged sword.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um for me personally, I had actually quit the Santozies, quit the other two bands I was in, and I I do weddings and I passed weddings on.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: I decided that I wanted to turn 60 doing something that could maintain me through the rest of my life.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: I having chronic fatigue, it left me with severe migraines, and I was living with them five to six days a week because I was working so hard and on the road, uneven hours, sometimes not getting to bed till two, and then up early to get a flight somewhere else, and being in different bands and doing all the social media and just life.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I was exhausted, and I also felt because I wasn't writing songs, I felt like I wasn't being really satisfied as an artist.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was um, I mean, I'm just a happy person.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: I love my girlfriends, I love all the guys I work with, I love being on the road.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like it's so much fun and it's so funny, and it's just great, and it's and I'm very disciplined.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I just got to the point that I wanted to grow more as an actor, and I'd done a couple of films last year, and I'd done a play the year before with Sam Johnson, and then I'd done Calendar Girls, and I just I love acting school, you know, especially 16th Street.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just went back to acting school, and I'd I've done a couple of masterclasses at 16th Street with Ivana Chubbick, and there was something about her, I mean Larry Moss and a whole lot of them, and Nonnie Hadelhurst and Lyndell Green, and a whole lot of people, but there was something about Ivana.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's you know, these this kind of husky voiced cigarette smoking Jewish New York bitch, right?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I've description we've got to send that to Kimmy Gregus.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: She will love it.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she's this brilliant.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I so I quit everything, and I don't get me wrong, it wasn't I ripped a band-aid off.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: I broke it with my partner, I did everything because all of those things were sitting not right for me, and I had to be really, really tough on myself.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it was very hard leaving the girls.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: I felt a great sense of responsibility for the bands as well, because when one person leaves, it tips a boat.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: And but I went, you know what, I've got to stop being a people pleaser, I've got to put myself first.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I went to the States, I was working on my 01, I had my five letters of recommendation, I had one work of offer, which is this huge process getting an O one.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was in, I was doing three different teachers a week, so I was rehearsing with other students, putting up scenes, auditing.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: My life in LA was filled with acting class, and then coronavirus came and it ripped it out from underneath me.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I came back to Australia, and my apartment that I'm in was on Airbnb, so I had to go and stay with a girlfriend until that came clear, and then I'm going, what am I gonna do?
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've quit all my bands.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't, who am I?
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I started writing.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Writing, writing.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: Writing, I've written a 10-episode TV series that I'm about a month off pitching.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: I went up to Sydney last week and presented it to a screenwriter that I would love.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: So fingers crossed for that.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if he doesn't want to do it, I'll take it somewhere else.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: My love, I would get up at six in the morning, wouldn't even brush my teeth.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: I have celery juice, I'll put a whole press juice over there.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'd make my celery juice, I'd have to get out the thoughts of the things I wanted to write, and then I'd go and make my celery juice and my coffee and sit down, filthy teeth, pajamas, and work until all of that was out.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: Then I'd go and have my shower and brush my teeth, and then come back and write again.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it it got me through lockdown because it became my family.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: I created characters and storylines that were all part of me and people that I know and people in my family, and I created a world.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I've found a place that sits so well in me, and I feel rich and full.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we're all afraid about the money thing because that's at this point not bringing money in, but I did what other people do.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: I drew down the um super that you could at the time, drew down from my mortgage, and I went, I refuse to panic.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: Every so often I would panic, and I'd sit there and go, and then I'll go, I just talked myself into the fear of the future that hasn't even happened yet.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I just go, stop it.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: You're fine, you've got enough money, you've got a place.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: If I have to sell it, I have to sell it, but at least I have something to sell.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: There are people out there with nothing to sell, no super to draw down on.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's terrifying.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: How lucky am I?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Very lucky.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, but it's funny, I don't know about you, but a lot of people I speak to, and also including my own experience, is what coronavirus in this crisis has done, particularly for a lot of artists who were fur who were sort of forced back into the internal world, as you're describing, which is exactly what happened.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: In a funny way, it makes you stop, reflect, value those things.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's you may not have done that writing had it not been for that you being forced back into that, right?
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like helped me find something that I love, but I also know a lot of other artists that froze and didn't use the time and fell into victim and fell into fear.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it's there's an enormous amount of discipline and trust and faith and hope.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: And just letting I started with a blank piece of paper, well, it was a computer, but a blank screen, and I created a world.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really up to us to motivate ourselves and get out of well, what if someone never picks it up?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: What if someone doesn't like it?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: Who cares?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about, yes, we want outcome, but if you live in process, you get rich.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something actually Ivana Chabuk and a lot of the 16th Street masterclasses teach, like the Larry Moss classes is very much about that.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's you know, about actually accessing the process and allowing being focused, yeah.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so you have obviously learnt a lot.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: I have, it's probably all sunk in somewhere.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: And look, my whole life, even you know, I've hosted radio, I've done all these things, everything in my life is part of this series, and all the people that have impacted me and my journey in all of the characters, and it's and it's just exciting for me, and I believe it'll get up.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: There's actually not one part of me that thinks it won't, which is beautiful feeling.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure it will, and I can't wait to actually see it or read it or hear it somewhere.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds fabulous.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just as a writer, I get it, Toddy.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: I actually get it, and I'm so glad you're accessing that part of yourself.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I watch with you your whole life, you push yourself out of your comfort zone, which is partly what this is, which you need to do.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it seems to be something you don't shy away from.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where you learnt that, but that's something it doesn't make it easier.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't shy away.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean I'm not full of fear, it doesn't mean I'm not as afraid as the next person, but I refuse to stay in the fear.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: I refuse to.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I even on my little Instagram thing, I've got courage is my word.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I really believe that, you know, just stop talking yourself out of things and talk yourself into things and have the courage to push through.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because on the other side of that is freedom.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and Toddy, that is such a beautiful note to end on.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: But what I do want to ask you one quick question.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me what you're listening to at the moment.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: For our, you know, all our listeners love um hearing about the music that my guests are embracing.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there some, is there an album or is there something that's really or is there a lot of people?
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was just writing a scene for this thing I'm writing, and I was listening to Edith Piaf for inspiration.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I have that in the background, except on my, I've got a driving, because I drive up to see Lela all the time.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a driving list in my car from Spotify.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's pretty much 70s, you know, it's Super Tram, it's um Pony Brace, it's um, you know, it's it's very, very, it's America, it's bread.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm still called.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not caught in the 80s.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: I sang the 80s, but I'm caught in the 70s.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: Me too, babe.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: I am too.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Baker straight, yeah, beautiful.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that song.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, on that beautiful note, Dreamweaver playing in the background.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I want to thank you for joining me on the What I've Learned podcast.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: An absolute pleasure to interview.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to seeing you soon and to seeing what comes out of that beautiful computer that you're writing on, and see this new creative venture, see where it lands.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: I just say, good on you for your courage for having a dream to start this podcast, because you're so wonderful at it, and it just suits you down to the ground, and it's a real honor to be part of it.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for inviting me.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Pleasure.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Toddy.