Latest / DA CREW Podcast / 2-25-26 |EXTRA SCOOP hosted by DWAYNE & SISSY | AUTISM SPEAKS

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2-25-26 |EXTRA SCOOP hosted by DWAYNE & SISSY | AUTISM SPEAKS · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Luk uk.
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  Speaker 2: Uk k.
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  Speaker 3: K k.
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  Speaker 2: K k.
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  Speaker 1: K uck. Gentlemen, I have your attention. Please the show
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  Speaker 1: starts NYE okay seven six, Hi, we shoot one go.
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  Speaker 4: Good evening, good evening, good evening. Thank everyone for coming
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  Speaker 4: in today. We want to thank you guys for joining
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: us this evening. I am so glad that you're here today. Uh.
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  Speaker 4: My name is Dwayne and I am one of the
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  Speaker 4: co hosts here at the Extra School podcast and I
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  Speaker 4: want you to meet my co host Cissy.
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  Speaker 5: Hi, guys, Dwayne real quick help where we can contact
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  Speaker 5: you at TikTok.
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  Speaker 4: You can contact me on TikTok at at Dwayne Turnship
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  Speaker 4: and that's very easy and simple.
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  Speaker 5: So Hi, I'm you can contact me. Please give us
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: a fall, Okay, have an express to podcast talk as well.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: We're gonna be posting different upcoming life that we're going
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: to be doing. And also why comp tick talk, So
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  Speaker 5: please give us the fall if you're like what's here?
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  Speaker 5: There is no struggle without strength, and today we're going
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  Speaker 5: to be talking to two moms. That's one of our
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  Speaker 5: guests today will be joining the Smorphy. However, you have
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  Speaker 5: Polenta here if you for joined us this Polenta you
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  Speaker 5: could please hiors.
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  Speaker 6: Know how they can contact Hi. Everyone.
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  Speaker 4: Hi.
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  Speaker 6: My my name is Selene and I am Selena Underscore
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  Speaker 6: eighty nine in all platforms, and I am my son
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  Speaker 6: has autism and he is hey eight years old.
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  Speaker 5: The struggles and the joy are so similar on different highs,
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  Speaker 5: you know what I mean?
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  Speaker 6: When you go through that when what is your son's name?
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  Speaker 4: Do you mind? Oh?
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, of course his name is Sebastian.
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  Speaker 5: So we called him back. I absolutely adore him. He's
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  Speaker 5: the smartest thing. Tell us a little bit about how
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  Speaker 5: smart he is and also some of the struggles that
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  Speaker 5: he goes through from whether it's simpy or.
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  Speaker 6: Just okay. So basically he was He was diagnosed at
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  Speaker 6: like three and a half. Typically the age is around
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  Speaker 6: three where a lot of the stuff starts, like the
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  Speaker 6: regression and the diagnosis usually happened around the time I
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  Speaker 6: was very I was someone that I've always been, someone
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  Speaker 6: that's like I want to go ahead first, like if
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  Speaker 6: I see something. And I started noticing small I worked
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  Speaker 6: with children before, and I started noticing small things in
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  Speaker 6: him that kind of led me to think that there
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: might be a little lapse of something right, like lining
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  Speaker 6: up objects. There was a lot of little things that
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  Speaker 6: he did for his short age, you know, not responding
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  Speaker 6: to his name quite well, a lot of different things.
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  Speaker 6: So I brought it up instead of him, like his
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  Speaker 6: pedetrition suggesting, I brought it up onto her. You know,
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  Speaker 6: I said, you know what, I see this, this and this,
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  Speaker 6: and I don't know. I would love to get him evaluated,
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  Speaker 6: which is something that usually you know, she was really
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  Speaker 6: glad because she says, you know, usually parents are in
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  Speaker 6: denial and a lot of things happened, like we have
• 4:37
  Speaker 6: a hard time with that, but he was you know,
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  Speaker 6: I just wanted to make sure that I set him
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  Speaker 6: up to win. And we went in. We did the
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  Speaker 6: evaluation and everything, so he was I nosed three and
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  Speaker 6: a half. They only did speech at first for him.
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  Speaker 6: We only had to do speech to get him through
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  Speaker 6: that to see where he was going. So he started
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  Speaker 6: at school with speech and now he doesn't have anything.
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  Speaker 6: We did a little bit of therapy, like a little
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  Speaker 6: bit of ABA therapy, but not so much. He's level two,
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  Speaker 6: which I work with him at home a lot. So
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  Speaker 6: there's three levels, right, so level one, level two. Level
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  Speaker 6: one is the high functioning. Level two is in the
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  Speaker 6: middle and level three is usually where you'll see like
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  Speaker 6: nonverbal or different things like that. Sebastian is in the middle,
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  Speaker 6: and I think it's more like the awkwardness, like his
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  Speaker 6: social is more like a social skill but not necessarily
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  Speaker 6: an academic skill, if that makes sense. So my anxiety
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  Speaker 6: me myself. I had a lot of anxiety when everything happened.
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  Speaker 6: You know, I had to just kind of like, oh,
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  Speaker 6: this is like a challenge for life, you know. So
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  Speaker 6: I kind of had to like just tell myself, you know,
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  Speaker 6: God gave you. He gave me this baby because he
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  Speaker 6: knew that I could handle it and I could take
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  Speaker 6: care them. And then I started struggling a lot. I
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  Speaker 6: started like having a lot of panic attacks, a lot
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  Speaker 6: of different things. And my doctor decided to get uh
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  Speaker 6: for me to get die, like to see if I
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  Speaker 6: got diagnosed or evaluated. I already have ADHD and panic
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  Speaker 6: disordered and anxiety, but she just didn't understand why it
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  Speaker 6: was so much. So then she tells me, let's do
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  Speaker 6: an analysis. Let's let's try to get you evaluated, because
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  Speaker 6: the way things are looking, I think that you probably
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  Speaker 6: have that too. So we did an evaluation, and yes,
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  Speaker 6: I was diagnosed at thirty four years old. I also
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  Speaker 6: have autism and I am level one.
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  Speaker 2: And people speaks it is called stuff.
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  Speaker 6: So after that and uh to the school, howe in paperwork?
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  Speaker 6: So for my part, we did an IP. Yeah, we
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  Speaker 6: did an IP and that's where the clause was. Speech.
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  Speaker 6: Speech was my biggest thing because he had a hard
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  Speaker 6: time understanding, like uh, with autism sometimes kids have a
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  Speaker 6: hard time understanding like directions like one two. You know,
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  Speaker 6: if you say give me the paper, he would understand that.
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  Speaker 6: But if you say go underneath this, pick this up
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  Speaker 6: and then you'll find a paper and bring me the
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  Speaker 6: paper like one two, three step directions were very hard
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  Speaker 6: for it. So basically the speech was helping with that, right.
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  Speaker 2: Uh.
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  Speaker 6: He had a he had hard time with who, what, where?
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  Speaker 6: All those things were a little bit difficult for him,
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  Speaker 6: you know, to say like who's coming. I noticed a
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  Speaker 6: lot of repetitive, like repetitive things like instead of because
• 8:02
  Speaker 6: it's what he associated so basically, I'm hungry. Instead of
• 8:06
  Speaker 6: saying I'm hungry, he would say are you hungry? Because
• 8:11
  Speaker 6: he was hungry, but it's what he related to it
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  Speaker 6: because he when I asked, I would ask him, you know,
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  Speaker 6: are you hungry? So then he's repetitive behavior was are
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: you hungry? Because that's him telling me I'm hungry, mom,
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  Speaker 6: but he can't say it. So it's the equilia repeating
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  Speaker 6: what he knows goes with that certain situation, whether it's thirst, hunger,
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: or anything like that. So it was like, are you hungry?
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  Speaker 6: Are you hungry? Or are you tired? Do you want
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  Speaker 6: to sleep? So he just basically whatever situation we were in,
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  Speaker 6: that's how he.
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  Speaker 4: Like.
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  Speaker 6: It showed us what he was and everything. So the
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  Speaker 6: speech worked really really well with that. We had a
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  Speaker 6: little bit of a ba for motor skills, which were
• 9:02
  Speaker 6: like the pencil holding, bike riding. You know, it's motor
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  Speaker 6: skills are very difficult. So sports are really difficult. I
• 9:11
  Speaker 6: have tried for him to play football, different sports, but
• 9:15
  Speaker 6: usually team things where you follow, Like I said again,
• 9:18
  Speaker 6: the direction, the one two step direction. It's very hard
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  Speaker 6: for him. He can't. He really can't do it. Most
• 9:25
  Speaker 6: of the things that he does are more like solo.
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, when she speaks of ina and echolalia, echleica
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  Speaker 5: is when you repeat words.
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  Speaker 6: They're both.
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  Speaker 5: Responses, but it's.
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: When you repeat words.
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  Speaker 5: With Patualia, it's usually a specific words that you repetitively
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  Speaker 5: speak and like for instance instance instance, you see how
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: they repeat that one word, and so it's just the
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: child that once again that proverbial WoT you can't put
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  Speaker 5: it in. There is a spectrum, for sure, definitely, definitely,
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  Speaker 5: Oh go ahead, I'm signing.
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  Speaker 4: Oh you're okay, You're okay. I was going to ask
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  Speaker 4: to get more into the moment of because I do
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  Speaker 4: get suggest that he's progressing pretty.
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  Speaker 6: Well, very good.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, and what I wanted to get more into
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  Speaker 4: I spoke with a parent on Instagram. I was talking
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  Speaker 4: to her about this very thing. I follow her. Her
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  Speaker 4: son is I think fifteen, sixteen years old, and he's uh,
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  Speaker 4: he's in the middle and he's he's funking well and
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  Speaker 4: really progressing with this. With this conversation and everything, I
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  Speaker 4: think she and I had a conversation about more about
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: her on that moment and how she was dealing with
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: different things, different aspects to the wear and tear, and
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  Speaker 4: then also with the caveat that you yourself at your
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  Speaker 4: age being diagnosis. Well, now you've you've gone thirty plus
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  Speaker 4: years without a diagnosis and you've done pretty well. But
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  Speaker 4: now that you have the diagnosis, what mentally and physically,
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  Speaker 4: how has that affected you as a mom with a
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  Speaker 4: with a blessed child that just happened to be on
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  Speaker 4: the spectrum.
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  Speaker 6: I will tell you what with him when he's start.
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  Speaker 6: When he got diagnosed, it was a shocking, It was
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  Speaker 6: very shocking. It was very very shocking for me. I
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  Speaker 6: was afraid most than anything, right, I think my anxiety's
• 11:41
  Speaker 6: kicked in, like really high, because I knew that someone
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  Speaker 6: depended on me, not just a parent, but forever. Because
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  Speaker 6: you know, now I don't know if at a certain
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  Speaker 6: stage in his life he's ever like if he's going
• 11:55
  Speaker 6: to leave the home, if he's going to get married,
• 11:57
  Speaker 6: if he's going to have his children. So this created
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  Speaker 6: this new anxieties that I didn't know I was gonna have.
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  Speaker 6: I I think I I was. I was having panic attacks,
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: like non stop panic attacks. I was so afraid. I
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: wanted him to be okay, And I think that was
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: it was the fear of me leaving or me dying
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  Speaker 6: and who's gonna take care of him, Who's gonna be
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  Speaker 6: there for him? So yeah, it takes a toll mentally,
• 12:24
  Speaker 6: physically is exhausting because they don't sleep good, you know,
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: they're ready to be up. It's like a non stop
• 12:33
  Speaker 6: moving at so many points. Really, I think you don't
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  Speaker 6: know kid is the same. I don't think any you
• 12:41
  Speaker 6: know how they say you mean an artistic person, you
• 12:43
  Speaker 6: mean one because they're all different. Everybody in the spectrum
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  Speaker 6: is different, and yes, my son is different. I am
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  Speaker 6: blessed to know that I have it because I think
• 12:53
  Speaker 6: that it's in a way it's helped me be a
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  Speaker 6: better parent because now I think back to my childhood
• 12:59
  Speaker 6: and I would it's like, oh my god, this is
• 13:02
  Speaker 6: why I hated that type of clothes. This is why.
• 13:06
  Speaker 6: So it's his sensory. He has horrible sensory issues, like
• 13:09
  Speaker 6: like the okay clothes, like nothing can be like so tight.
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  Speaker 6: It's always the same. He likes certain colors just like
• 13:16
  Speaker 6: plain plain nothing, no prince because itches and it burns.
• 13:22
  Speaker 6: That's his thing. And I'm like, I remember crying because
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: it burned and my mom had no clue, right because
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: I was verbal and I was extremely smart. So I
• 13:30
  Speaker 6: was practically a genius and so is my son. So
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: to this thing, you know, yeah, So I think it's
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: made me myself. It's been a good thing. It is
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: a little hard when overstimulation kicks in because I myself
• 13:45
  Speaker 6: get over stimulated. But you know, he's the biggest stimulant
• 13:49
  Speaker 6: because whether it's like the repetitive, repetitive, repetitive, you know,
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  Speaker 6: and that's me in my head. He gets very obsessive
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  Speaker 6: because we have obsessive compulsive, most people with autism too,
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  Speaker 6: So it's like the obsessiive obsessiveness with a certain subject,
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: a certain thing. He was super obsessed with planets, and
• 14:09
  Speaker 6: then right now we're countries and flags. He knows pretty much.
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  Speaker 6: I can't even tell you. He recognizes the globe like
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  Speaker 6: is the palm of his hand, every single point, like everything.
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  Speaker 6: He knows everything. But it's like that coming at me
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  Speaker 6: twenty four seven, asking me, what's the capital of this?
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  Speaker 6: What's this? What's this? What's this? What's this? And I
• 14:29
  Speaker 6: think that maybe I would have more patience. I think
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: I'm pretty good. I think I'm pretty patient. But yes,
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  Speaker 6: it is overstimulating because I myself have the same thing.
• 14:38
  Speaker 6: So it's like hold on, like you're hitting me with
• 14:40
  Speaker 6: a lot, you know, maybe we need to take you know.
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  Speaker 6: So I turn off the lights and we both say
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, put your headphones on. Let me relax
• 14:48
  Speaker 6: a little bit because I think that we both need it,
• 14:50
  Speaker 6: just like a little bit. But I could say at
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: the same time, it's also good because just sitting together,
• 14:57
  Speaker 6: we we're good. Like we sit together and we just
• 15:03
  Speaker 6: kind of we know we're spending time together, but we
• 15:05
  Speaker 6: don't have to be engaged, if that makes sense. Yeah.
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  Speaker 6: I think the hardest thing is definitely though acceptance. That
• 15:12
  Speaker 6: is the hardest thing, because it's really hard sometimes because
• 15:16
  Speaker 6: whether it's judgment or people coming in or or you know,
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: sometimes a family member or you know, it's just all
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: these little things, comments from outsiders, things that people say,
• 15:29
  Speaker 6: or you know, they're hurtful sometimes, you know, so it's
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  Speaker 6: really hard to accept. I know a lot of a
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: lot of moms, you know, denial, I mean a lot
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  Speaker 6: of a lot of those things play a big part.
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  Speaker 6: But yeah, I mean to be honest, it's definitely draining
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  Speaker 6: and it's definitely a toll whether you're working or yeah.
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that's something that people don't really
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  Speaker 4: pay attention to, is that it is a blessing. However,
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: it can also be draining, and so as parents, you
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: have to be in a moment to where you're able
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: to cope, take breaks, be able to reset, be able
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: to refocus, so you can continue to have the patience
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: and the love and the caring for your kid. And
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: I think a lot of people don't look at it
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: like that. They may see someone that's on the level
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: three that maybe is not responding that well, and they'll
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: take that that that's every kid that's on the spectrum,
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: and it's not. Each kid has their own set of
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: challenges and their own set of moments. And so I
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: want you to kind of speak to that degree of
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: what and when did you learn to start resetting yourself
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: and giving yourself that grace and taking a lot of
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: the stigma out of what people in society says this
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: is what it looks like.
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  Speaker 6: So I would tell you generally, I think I'm still
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: not one hundred percent there, and I don't know if
• 17:03
  Speaker 6: we will ever be, you know, because yeah, people, it's
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: just so judgmental or seriously, like, the biggest thing is
• 17:11
  Speaker 6: I think one of the things that I hate the most,
• 17:14
  Speaker 6: he doesn't look autistic. What like when people say that
• 17:19
  Speaker 6: to me, but he doesn't even look autistic, And you know,
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: I don't I don't want to say it's offensive I
• 17:24
  Speaker 6: know there's ignorance and a lot of people don't know
• 17:26
  Speaker 6: much about it. I understand, but also like what does
• 17:30
  Speaker 6: it even look like, you know, like or just don't
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: make a comment if if you know so, like I said,
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: it could be draining.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: A fact is they did studies in women and moms
• 17:44
  Speaker 6: that are like autism moms, and they say that they
• 17:48
  Speaker 6: their brain, they did scans on their brain and they
• 17:50
  Speaker 6: have like of like of soldiers. Literally they have if
• 17:54
  Speaker 6: you look it up, it's like the scan like the soldiers,
• 17:57
  Speaker 6: like their brain has the PTSD, the same markings and
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: trauma as a soldier, like a battle soldier. Yes, and
• 18:04
  Speaker 6: I could see it because we're I think I constantly
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: put myself at flight or like fight or flight, Like
• 18:10
  Speaker 6: I'm always like with that guard up because you never know,
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: you know, my son had a hard time running like
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: he would run like he would just take off. So
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: it's like you constantly had to you know, be prepared,
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: be you know, ready for this, ready to do that,
• 18:25
  Speaker 6: ready to do that. Yeah, So I think I'm still
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: like you know, at times, it's still a struggle, still struggle.
• 18:33
  Speaker 6: I would say I would encourage people like, you know,
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: accepting it is the biggest thing, and it is good
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: to accept because once you accept it, and you you
• 18:43
  Speaker 6: know it's hard, but once you accept it, you're doing
• 18:46
  Speaker 6: a better. You're doing it for your kid more than anyone.
• 18:49
  Speaker 6: You're doing it for them because if you accept it,
• 18:51
  Speaker 6: then you'll you'll really really you're setting them up to win.
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: You know, you're giving them those uh those steps that
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: they need and uh like as for example with me
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: in my home, I do have family members that have
• 19:06
  Speaker 6: kids with autism as well, but like for example, in
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: my home, we don't we don't, we don't hide it.
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  Speaker 6: We just that's it is what it is. You know,
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  Speaker 6: we're autistic and that's it. We don't have autism because
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: you can't have something. And then if you had something,
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: you could take it away. But we can't get rid
• 19:23
  Speaker 6: of this. This is a form of thinking. This is
• 19:25
  Speaker 6: how we were born. And I always tell my kid,
• 19:27
  Speaker 6: just like you're Mexican, you're autistic. Yeah, So I'm like,
• 19:34
  Speaker 6: we just were autistic and this is just part of
• 19:37
  Speaker 6: who we are and that's it. There's there's nothing else. Like,
• 19:40
  Speaker 6: you know, we learn different we like different things, and
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: we have a few sensitivities to whether it's you know,
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: sound or you know, clothes. Hey, my son is cheap
• 19:52
  Speaker 6: because all I gotta do is buy him while we're
• 19:54
  Speaker 6: clothes and he's happy. So the best thing that could
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: have ever happened to me. Three black shirts, three gray shirts,
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: and he's happy. You know, we're good to go, so
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: I don't. I'm good. Let's go to Walmart and buy
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: some of the T shirts, some soft t shirts. That's
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: what he calls them, soft shirts. So but yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah,
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: definitely the acceptance part. You know, they're really fun though.
• 20:21
  Speaker 6: They he makes me so happy. I genuinely think that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: They are.
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: They make us so happy.
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: Just like.
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: When he stims right. So like I say, I say
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: to anyone that in family he's getting better. He doesn't
• 20:38
  Speaker 6: when he started, when he was a kid, he used
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: to do this right and then this right. Now we're
• 20:46
  Speaker 6: at like sometimes this, sometimes this, or he does this
• 20:49
  Speaker 6: a lot. I gotta have hair color on my hands,
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: like this, this is this, like where he goes sleep
• 20:54
  Speaker 6: when he's super excited. And I always tell like family
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: members and everything, I'm like, if he's stimming in front
• 20:59
  Speaker 6: of you, he's comfortable. He's at his best when he
• 21:03
  Speaker 6: stems and he doesn't care who's watching, and it's not
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: you know, he is happy. So I always say, I'm like,
• 21:10
  Speaker 6: you know, when he's like flags or anything that he's
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: interested in his the light in his eyes, like he
• 21:17
  Speaker 6: smiles with his eyes and he is so happy at
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: that time, and I'm like, no one could make him happier.
• 21:24
  Speaker 6: So I think that, you know, he just makes me
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: so happy, like it's just a really a big joy.
• 21:32
  Speaker 6: Sissy said that she's on stage but she doesn't see anyone.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm trying to get her back in to that moment.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: She's saying that she's coming in and out, but she
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: doesn't come. It just shows she's off the line. It's
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: what this shows here. So we're trying to get her
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: back in. But yeah, it's just one of those things
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: that people have to kind of understand in this moment
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: with with our kids that are on the spectrum, that
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: there is a moment of acceptances that has to happen.
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: Just like anything in life, we have to accept certain
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: things in order to get through it and acknowledge that
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: it's there and then we can actually start navigating our
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: way through it. And I think that's a very important thing,
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: especially when the kid is one of the kids are stimming,
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: we have to understand what that's for and what that
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: the reason is so we don't mistake it bad behavior
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: or this or that we can work for the challenge.
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: So stimming basically is just like releasing energy. You know,
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: we have so much energy that goes through our bodies.
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: So stimming is when we do the repetitive movement. And
• 22:47
  Speaker 6: it could be anything like you see me. You probably
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: saw me like I keep grabbing my hair. I think
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: that's a way of me stimming, like the because it's
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: like the nervous but it's like we have so much
• 22:55
  Speaker 6: energy that it has to like release and it has
• 22:57
  Speaker 6: to leave our body somehow. So you see a lot
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: of kids, say the rock back and forth, you know,
• 23:02
  Speaker 6: you would see kids you know like this, fidgeting. All
• 23:07
  Speaker 6: those things those are those are all called stimming. You know,
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: all those things are forms of stimming. It could be
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: lip biting, you see sometimes they do that. It's just
• 23:16
  Speaker 6: so many Like I had my little cousin, he would
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: do this like this like his head. But it's just
• 23:22
  Speaker 6: because there's so much especially when they're younger, there's so
• 23:25
  Speaker 6: much energy and there's small little bodies and it needs
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: to go somewhere. It needs to be released. So that
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: is the way that they release it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: Uh.
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: In my son's IEP, I have uh we rode out
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: like a little portion where after lunch because usually he's
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: very very energetic after lunch, after recess, he comes in.
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: If it's really bad, he's allowed to go because he
• 23:47
  Speaker 6: does general ed. I don't have any special education for nothing.
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: But if he is super super like overstimulated, he can't
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: come down. Me and his teacher agreed that he would
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: go to the to the special room and basically he
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: goes in there to release his energy for ten minutes.
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: Just give him ten minutes to like release his energy
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: a little bit so he can like and you know,
• 24:10
  Speaker 6: they have like swings and they have like different little
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: things where they could twirl and do little things just
• 24:15
  Speaker 6: to like release calm down and you know, come back.
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: And that's what we do at home too. And when
• 24:21
  Speaker 6: you ask me, like how do you know to separate it,
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: that's how we do it. Like if he's having a
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: heart you know where he has a hard time and
• 24:29
  Speaker 6: you know, I'm not gonna lie the iPads. I know
• 24:32
  Speaker 6: it's it's hard. A lot of people say screen time,
• 24:34
  Speaker 6: you know this, whether it's good or not. With the
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: kid that's on a spectrum, sometimes that's your savior because
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: it does calm them down. It brings them into that,
• 24:45
  Speaker 6: you know, okay, something they like, something they're focused in,
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: and you can use it as a positive thing. You know,
• 24:52
  Speaker 6: you don't necessarily have to. Obviously, it's good to monitor
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: screen time for all of us, not just our kids,
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: us too, you know, with our cell phones. But he yeah,
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: I think you you know, it comes him down a
• 25:04
  Speaker 6: little bit. It keeps him more like situated, and the
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: head the headphones. Headphones help for me. I just I
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: kind of just take a little step back, and I
• 25:16
  Speaker 6: do tell him he's a little bit older now. It
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: was a lot harder when he was young. Now that
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: he's older, I'm like, okay, I need some time because
• 25:23
  Speaker 6: just how you get over stimulated? So am I I'm like,
• 25:26
  Speaker 6: can you go to your room and like that?
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: Correct take a little break. Hi Ashley, Hey, Ashley, how
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: are you doing today? We're doing pretty good one day.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Welcome Ashley to the room. Ashley, can you say hi
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: to everyone? Yeah, Ashley too is here today to share
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: with us her journey as well, and we would like
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: to take a moment to just let Ashley introduce herself,
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: introduce her journey with her with her as well, and
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: kind of give us a little bit of a brief
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: synopsis of exactly what a day in your life looks
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: like in your journey.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Hi, Okay, so I have I actually have eight kids,
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: and so the six younger ones live at home. The
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: other ones are growing gone, and so my kids are
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: on different you know, parts on the spectrum. Each one
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: has their different you know, their differences. A day in
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: my life, we pretty much get up early in the morning.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: We take care of our chickens because we have a
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: small chicken farm. They will help out with that. We
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: do chores, we learn things because they do homeschool, and
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: so that's that's pretty much a day in my life
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: most definitely.
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: We were just talking about just a moment ago of
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: the I guess, the the the reality of dealing with
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: kids on the spectrum, and also some of the misnowners
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: of being a parent with someone on the spectrum and
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: what it feels like and looks like to the parent
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: themselves during that moment, the ups, the downs, the in
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: betweens learning to cope with that moment. And as our
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: sister of up there above you stated earlier, she was
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: staying with besides you. She stated earlier that she had
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: to accept what was actually in front of her, so
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: she can learn to navigate through everything that's there in
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: her reality even now. And so I want you to get
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: your take on that moment because you you have a
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: broad array of that moment of navigating and having to
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: accept each time on that moment and then navigating through it,
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: but still being I guess accepting and already and aware
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: of those before that moment, because each child is still different.
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: Could you speak to that just a little bit.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: Yes, So for me, I feel like during challenging moments
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: and their meltdowns, because meltdowns happen sometimes, basically we would
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: just learn how to keep calm, Like a lot of
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: the time there's so much of a need to rush
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: and like force them to hurry up and quit crying.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: You know that they don't actually get the moment to
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: process their emotions. So learning how to help them process,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: name and process what emotions they're feeling and what they're
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: going through, you know.
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And since he was here, somehow we I
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: know I was having trouble here in our mic sometimes,
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: but I think she just dropped off and she's trying
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: to get in the room. We're just trying to get
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: her back in here. She's trying. But I also want
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: to ask again just kind of on that moment of
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: the parents, because I was speaking to a couple of
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: parents myself today and yesterday on Instagram that have kids
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: on the spectrum and their kids are a lot older.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: They're teenagers. One just became grown as well. Then I
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: talked to another lady. Her kid is young, so they're
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: in different stages of the moment. I think her daughter
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: was six, And so I begin to ask and talk
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: to them a lot more about themselves because I think
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: we hear and we see a lot of the things
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: with the kids of when they have episodes, when they
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: have different things. People have misnowners about each child when
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: you say they're on the spectrum, and they think that
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: it's always going to be extreme, but it's not always
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: that case, And so I wanted to kind of identify
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: with the parents people can see what that struggle looks like,
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: but not also just a struggle, but what that reward
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: looks like when the parents are attentive and have accepted
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: and also navigate through those hard times as well as
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: those good times. In that synopsis, what do you feel
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: has been one of your greatest challenges and then what
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: has been one of your greatest rewards during this time?
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: And that's a question for both of you. So Ashley,
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: if you can go first and answer those two questions.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I also have some teenaged kids as well. So
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: during for those older kids that sometimes just they don't
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: understand the way of what we're trying to get them
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: to see, you know, or learn what we're trying to
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: get them to learn. They can get kind of stuck
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: in their own thought process of everything, and that can
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: be a difficult moment to like navigate, you know, having
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: patients and trying to just remember that you're there to
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: guide them, you know, to make the better choices. The
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: reward and the end of it is that eventually they
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: do see your point of view, and when they do,
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: it brings you closer and it helps nourish that that
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: relationship a lot better. Foster's a good relationship most definitely.
• 31:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And I agree with Ashley, like kind of like
• 31:26
  Speaker 6: bouncing back from that it is. It's really hard. And
• 31:29
  Speaker 6: then you know sometimes because they're so focused on one thing,
• 31:33
  Speaker 6: Like my son is obsessed with certain things. When I
• 31:35
  Speaker 6: go to maybe like teach him on this, this, this,
• 31:39
  Speaker 6: and this other subject that he's not interested in, he
• 31:42
  Speaker 6: completely disregards and it's like you just kind of have
• 31:45
  Speaker 6: to have the patience and be repetitive, just like how
• 31:47
  Speaker 6: he's repetitive. Be repetitive. Same with at school, for example,
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: there's things that he doesn't really care to learn or know.
• 31:55
  Speaker 6: So what I do is like I know that he
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: likes to watch videos on it, so then I put
• 31:59
  Speaker 6: an It's just a lot of time. You got to
• 32:01
  Speaker 6: put in a lot of time. It's very consuming. It's
• 32:04
  Speaker 6: very consuming as a mother, so it's hard. You just
• 32:07
  Speaker 6: have to go in and just put in a lot
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: of time. And you know, if you have someone like
• 32:12
  Speaker 6: a partner in your husband or partner or you know
• 32:16
  Speaker 6: that's there with you and supportive, obviously it helps. Obviously
• 32:20
  Speaker 6: that's not the case for a lot of people, but
• 32:22
  Speaker 6: it's definitely it takes a village. And you know, the
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: hardest part is that I've noticed that there's like they say,
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: it takes a village, but once they see a kid
• 32:31
  Speaker 6: on the spectrum, sometimes people don't want to deal with
• 32:35
  Speaker 6: it anymore. So then it sometimes you kind of find
• 32:37
  Speaker 6: yourself being lonely, if that makes sense. But it's definitely
• 32:43
  Speaker 6: I feel like it's twice as rewarding to Yeah, like
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: when she's so rewarding, Like when you see them that
• 32:49
  Speaker 6: you know, I taught them this, this and this, and
• 32:51
  Speaker 6: then they're finally putting on that shirt by themselves, and
• 32:54
  Speaker 6: it's like, oh my god, they had such a hard time.
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: But now you can do this.
• 32:59
  Speaker 6: Or like you know, I see him, oh eating eating
• 33:02
  Speaker 6: was so hard, eating by himself with the spoon, the fork.
• 33:06
  Speaker 6: You know, that was such a hard thing to do.
• 33:10
  Speaker 6: It was like we but you know what, I learned
• 33:13
  Speaker 6: to accept it and I said, it's okay, use your hand.
• 33:17
  Speaker 6: You know what, I'm not gonna worry about it. I
• 33:19
  Speaker 6: don't care what anyone says. We're doing this. Whatever accommodates
• 33:23
  Speaker 6: you and what's gonna make you happy. This is how
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: we're gonna do it. And you know, I can't imagine Ashley,
• 33:28
  Speaker 6: you you are all your kids on the spectrum most yeah, yeah,
• 33:35
  Speaker 6: all of them. Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, I can't
• 33:38
  Speaker 6: even imagine and see. That's that that I would say
• 33:42
  Speaker 6: is one of those things that that for me, I
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: was so scared. I just have Sebastian, and when people
• 33:49
  Speaker 6: tell me you don't want to have any more kids,
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: or you know, any of those things, I always said,
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: you know what, I'm really scared because the disc show
• 33:57
  Speaker 6: that the second like if you have one kid, the
• 34:00
  Speaker 6: next one most likely will be on the spectrum as well.
• 34:04
  Speaker 6: So I think in a way it scared me and
• 34:08
  Speaker 6: that's why I haven't, you know, I haven't. And at
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: times I'm like, am I like jiffing myself from like
• 34:16
  Speaker 6: not getting having another kid because I kind of like
• 34:18
  Speaker 6: a girl, you know, but it's so scary. It's so scary,
• 34:23
  Speaker 6: and it's just like, I mean, I could you want
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: to do it, but it's just it's scary. It's definitely scary.
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: So it's very it's a frightful thing for the future.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: And speaking to that, I think I think a lot
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: of people don't think of that fear and the parents
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: because they think, just like if you have a kid
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: without the spectrum, sometimes just the pure weight of raising
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: another human being can be overwhelming for a lot of people.
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: But then you add on the layers of having a
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: kid on the spectrum, and then Ashley's on having several
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: kids on the spectrum, and now you have to navigate
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: all of those emotions, those emotions of just being mom
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: or being dad, or just being present and just dealing
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: with the normal things. But now I have to pay
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: attention to the small things because my kid is affected
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: a little bit different from the next child with the
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: normal things. And so I think fear is a big
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: thing that I heard a lot from the people I
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: spoke of, and I think they navigate those fears a
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: little bit different. And I'm glad that you spoke of
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: it out openly like that, because that was gonna be
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: My next question is about the fears of not only
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: your kid being diagnosed on the spectrum, but also the
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: fear of now having to navigate through that time and
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: life of getting him to the moment, and even once
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: you've had that success of navigating them through their childhood,
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: now the next navigation of actually helping them navigate through adulthood.
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: Those fears and I want you guys to speak a
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: little bit from that. Basically, Ashley, we'll start with you again,
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: what are some of those things that you have those
• 36:10
  Speaker 4: fears of and then also what are some of the
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: things that you would recommend to other parents who have
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: kids on the spectrum, And then also for those that
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: don't that can use some of the tools and things
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: that you've learned with your kids also.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: So for me, I feel like definitely enlisting in community support.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: I don't really have family and friends, so I've had
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: to make my own support system, and looking locally friends
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: that have children that are also on the spectrum has
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: helped me greatly. Like that's how I've really made it through.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: Because parents that don't get it, they just they don't
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: get it. They don't understand. There's no explaining it to
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: them because they can't wrap their minds around it. You know,
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: they're not living that life every day. There are a
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: lot of different really good community resources where I'm at.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: I can't speak to other people because I don't know,
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: but each person like they'll choose a different pathway and
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: that's you know, what works for one family isn't going
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: to work for another. I feel like that's the most
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: important thing to note, Like there is no one size
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: fits all solution for coping and learning how to navigate parenthood.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: And you know, child rearing, there's just no one way
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: fits all. So definitely look within your community. Don't be
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: afraid to reach out in mom groups. You know, they
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: might have some good recommendations. Midwives, pediatricians, those would also
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: have good recommendations of places to go in different avenues.
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: Yeah, even like Facebook, Like how you say the little groups,
• 37:58
  Speaker 6: there's like small groups TikTok. I mean there's groups and
• 38:03
  Speaker 6: you can find other people. And as different as the
• 38:06
  Speaker 6: kid might be, there's so many similarities and we're all
• 38:09
  Speaker 6: in this struggle together. You know, you never know, you
• 38:13
  Speaker 6: never know, you know, anybody who wants to reach out
• 38:16
  Speaker 6: to me, I'm always here. You never know what you
• 38:19
  Speaker 6: can you know, little things that you can take from
• 38:22
  Speaker 6: one parent or the other. You know, for example, like
• 38:25
  Speaker 6: I know that there's a big like misconception with like uh,
• 38:30
  Speaker 6: whether nonverbal is worse than a verbal one, or this
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: or that, regardless of anything, we all go through the struggle. Yes,
• 38:37
  Speaker 6: Like it is very frightful, you know. I I see
• 38:41
  Speaker 6: so many, so many parents that I've talked to, spoke
• 38:44
  Speaker 6: to a lot of parents too that have told me, like,
• 38:46
  Speaker 6: you know, I don't even know their voice, you know,
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: I don't know what and I can't imagine. I couldn't imagine,
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: like not knowing what my kid would speak or how
• 38:55
  Speaker 6: he would sound or you know, different things. I I
• 38:59
  Speaker 6: I'm a hundred percent sure that their struggles are way
• 39:02
  Speaker 6: different than mine. But we're all in this thing together,
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: like we regardless the trauma. It's very comfortable. It's very like,
• 39:10
  Speaker 6: it's very the same like we It's hard, it's definitely
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: hard most definitely the every day the like you ask,
• 39:20
  Speaker 6: like you know, adulthood, making sure that they are, that
• 39:25
  Speaker 6: they're independent, that they're independent, that they get to a
• 39:29
  Speaker 6: point in their life where they're independent and they're able
• 39:32
  Speaker 6: to do things on their own as in like work
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: and you know, maybe have a wife or a family
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: or you know those little things that are I'm afraid
• 39:40
  Speaker 6: because I don't know if that's going to happen. I
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: don't know if he's going to be seventy years old
• 39:44
  Speaker 6: and he's gonna live, you know, if I'm gonna be
• 39:46
  Speaker 6: there to see it, or you know, if he's going
• 39:49
  Speaker 6: to be in his forties and still living with me,
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: in which I don't have a problem with, you know,
• 39:55
  Speaker 6: because I know that this is what was given to
• 39:58
  Speaker 6: me and that that I just have to do that.
• 40:00
  Speaker 6: You know, it's I don't have a choice. This is
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: what it is and that's how it's gonna be. So yeah,
• 40:06
  Speaker 6: those are huge fears and and you know, especially independence,
• 40:11
  Speaker 6: but also like my son, for example, he's starting counseling
• 40:16
  Speaker 6: and we're doing this counseling thing where just explaining the
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: sarcasm because sarcasm or little things that sometimes kids are
• 40:24
  Speaker 6: really mean, you know, and they don't want to play
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: with him because he doesn't understand a certain concept or
• 40:30
  Speaker 6: a certain thing, or he gets obsessive or he does this.
• 40:34
  Speaker 6: So we're doing a little bit of counseling right now
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: through the university. Through university, so a lot of universities
• 40:40
  Speaker 6: help too. If you need, like, you know, you could
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: always reach out put it on the Google search, I
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: mean the good old Google, but it works, you know,
• 40:47
  Speaker 6: you put on some stuff. You know, there's a lot
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: of community help. You can ask the pediatrician and that's
• 40:54
  Speaker 6: that's how we found out that the university does it.
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: By me, and they talked about you know, they're they're
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: doing the consoling. They tell him like how do you think,
• 41:04
  Speaker 6: Like they give him a scenario for example, they said this, this,
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: and this. What do you think that is? Do you
• 41:10
  Speaker 6: think that they mean this? Like do they want to
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: play with you? Or are they just like laughing because
• 41:15
  Speaker 6: we had, for example, I had an incident with my
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: son where this kid was like, oh, you're my butler,
• 41:20
  Speaker 6: Like you're my friend, but you're my butler. So basically
• 41:24
  Speaker 6: Sebastian would walk around just do anything he wanted. The
• 41:27
  Speaker 6: kid would throw something or whatever, and Sebastian thought it
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: was he was being included, you know, he was the butler.
• 41:33
  Speaker 6: So then he was basically just cleaning up after this kid,
• 41:36
  Speaker 6: doing everything for this kid and like, you know whatever,
• 41:40
  Speaker 6: and he didn't mind doing it because he was being included.
• 41:42
  Speaker 6: But it's so sad that he doesn't see the you know,
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: the malice behind it, like someone you know there the
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: other kid knows, he knows that he's like literally just
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: having him be his you know, made just doing everything
• 41:55
  Speaker 6: for him. So my son was just doing it happily
• 41:58
  Speaker 6: because he was just happy to be included. It was
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: something different. Yeah, So we're working on that, but it
• 42:05
  Speaker 6: is hard. It's a fear of like every day you
• 42:07
  Speaker 6: don't know, because he's verbal, you know, they call him.
• 42:12
  Speaker 6: He would say, Mom, they say I'm the half autism kid,
• 42:17
  Speaker 6: which is also I don't know, I don't know if
• 42:19
  Speaker 6: I should take that as a good thing, you know.
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: So there's a lot of a lot of struggles, a
• 42:24
  Speaker 6: lot of fears, you know, of them not defending themselves,
• 42:28
  Speaker 6: of not understanding that they're even being picked up. Yes,
• 42:32
  Speaker 6: so yeah, there, it's it's really hard every day. And
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: I think just presence and consistency and just a lot
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: of patience most definitely.
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: And I think that's the thing as well that people
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: don't look at that aspect of it, is that kids
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: on the spectrum sometimes they're not aware that someone is
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: bullying them for that that same example, they're looking at
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: just being inclusive or someone who's including them, someone wants
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: to play with them, so they accept that attention and
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: all alone, they are being bullied and other kids see
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: it and the other kids know it. But it also
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: puts them at a fear as well. And so I
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: think it's something that we as a whole, as a
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: as a as a community as a whole, we have
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: to be aware and if we know that the kid
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: is on the spectrum, then we have to kind of
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: watch out in the community for each one of those kids,
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: because they don't know. They're not built to acknowledge that
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: someone is being evil towards them because they don't see
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: it that way. They just see it that, hey, they're
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: they're friendly. I want to be friends with them too,
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: And they don't see the vitriol until it's actually acknowledged
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: to them later, and at that time it's a little
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: bit hurtful because they're they're going to take it a
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: whole lot harder than we would knowing that this person
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: is bullying us today and we notified it today, We'll
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: we'll look at it a little bit different, and I
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: think we have to really be aware of that. I
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: think I'm happy you brought that up. Actually, have you
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: also experienced or had some experiences with that as well.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: My kids have not gone to public school. When we
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: interact with other children, it's either at a co op
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: or at a playground, or you know, one on one
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: like groups at home with friends. But the thing is
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: that my kids really haven't had to go through that.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: I was somebody who grew up being bullied, so I'm
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: overprotective with my kids whenever it comes to them because
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: of that.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: Most definitely.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: I went through heavy bullying growing up. It was really bad.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: I did not fit in with most kids, so it was.
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: Rough, yes, and that's why we have to look out
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: in the community.
• 44:53
  Speaker 6: Understand sarcasm. Like when I mean myself, I am diagnosed.
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: I don't know actually if you your doctor ever suggested
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: you get and diagnose yourself or anything like that, like,
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: uh like if you see, if you if you get
• 45:06
  Speaker 6: evaluated or anything.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: I have alism an ADHD yes.
• 45:10
  Speaker 6: Me too, that is exactly.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 45:13
  Speaker 6: So typically, like I think it goes hand in hand,
• 45:16
  Speaker 6: you know, and the anxieties. You know, usually it's like
• 45:19
  Speaker 6: anxiety and everything altogether. So yeah, same here, I think
• 45:25
  Speaker 6: sarcast it's really hard. It's really hard, and uh sometimes
• 45:29
  Speaker 6: it's really hard knowing like whether somebody means well or not.
• 45:33
  Speaker 6: And just for a regular person, right, so somebody whose
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: brain this process is a little different and our brain
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: is a little you know, wired a little bit different.
• 45:42
  Speaker 6: And that's what I tell my son. I'm like, your
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: brain's wired a little bit different, but it's a beautiful
• 45:46
  Speaker 6: brain and it's still big and it's so smart and
• 45:50
  Speaker 6: you know, so he understands and I am there too.
• 45:55
  Speaker 6: I'm like Ashley, like, I have this back and forth
• 45:58
  Speaker 6: whether I want to keep him home home and homeschool him.
• 46:02
  Speaker 6: We've talked about it so much, and like, are we
• 46:04
  Speaker 6: going to homeschool him? Are we going to do this?
• 46:06
  Speaker 6: And I keep going back and forth, and it's it's
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: because I do want that socialization because he doesn't have
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: other kids at home, right, so I don't have any
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: other kids, So I'm like, that will do him good.
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: The socialization would be good for him and at school.
• 46:20
  Speaker 6: But at the same time, I might always like worried
• 46:23
  Speaker 6: and I want to be over protective because of that,
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: you know those other things.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: So most definitely, most definitely, and so we we definitely
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: have to make sure that we're being aware in the community.
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: For our families that are that have kids on the spectrum,
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: we just have to be more aware. Take the time
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: to google, talk to our doctors. It's a lot of
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: information out there about it. Even if we're not struggling
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: or have kids, and our families that have to navigate
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: life on the spectrum, we all need to be aware
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: because we we help shape the world that they see
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: and the sarcasm, the bullying, all those different things, or
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: just having the freedom to just be and get some
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: of that pressure off sometimes or be able to play
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: a little bit extra in someone at Walmart not being
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: offended because that kid need to run up and down
• 47:17
  Speaker 4: an aisle just a little bit. And so we all
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: have to be aware. And if we all in the
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: community become aware, then I think it'll be a better
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: moment for each kid that's dealing with the moment of
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: spectrum and also for the parents that have to deal
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: with it every day as well. I want you, guys,
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: as we get ready to close, I want you guys
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: to give us pretty much a moment of awareness that
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: you need to just feel that this is one thing
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: I think that the community as a whole in the
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: world need to know that this is what autism looks like.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: And then also let everybody know how they can contact
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: you guys on your social media.
• 48:02
  Speaker 6: Okay, I'll let ask you want to go first as
• 48:05
  Speaker 6: or you wanting to go first.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: Sure, Okay. So within the community, please remember that all
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: forms of autism look different. Just because one child has one,
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: you know, way of processing things, doesn't mean they all
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: do be considerate. They are human beings. They're going to
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: carry the things that you say with them throughout their life,
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: like their inner critic is going to remember that a
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: lot of these kids are also dealing with rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: You need to keep that in mind as well because
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: it causes physical and bodily pain to them. So being
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: more empathetic and more considerate of the children around you,
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: maybe remember you were also once young and rambunctious kids.
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: We all weren't perfect angels. So I think that's important
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: to remember because I see a lot of older people
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: get snippy with kids that have autism, and I have
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: even corrected them, like hold up their communicating something. Let's
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: listen and find out what that is, you know, I
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: feel like that's an important thing again. You know, if
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: you want to ever reach out, Selene or I are
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: happy to answer any questions that any parents have. We're
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: happy to be here even if you just want event
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: or have someone to share some camaraderie, have some understanding
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: without the judgment. We're happy to reach out to you.
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: For me on TikTok is nerdy hippie Mom. I'm also
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: on Instagram. Don't have a Facebook yet, but I'll be
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: getting one soon. But if you'd like to reach out
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: to me, you can do that there. We pretty much
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: have real life lives every night where we talk about
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: everyday stuff, parenting, you name it. That's how you can
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: best reach me. And again, community resources if anybody has
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: any questions about like the Central Texas area. I'm extremely
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: knowledgeable because I've helped parents for the past decade and
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: a half here, So I have a lot of resources
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: to share with anybody that needs those recent sources in
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: the Central Texas area specifically. Okay, Solenn, you take it away.
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: Okay, I'm gonna double back on that, like where she says, like,
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: you know, I just it looks different in every form.
• 50:13
  Speaker 6: There's very many different kids, and you know, not because
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: they all because it's all different means you know that
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: one has it more than the other. It really is hardened,
• 50:24
  Speaker 6: you know, like that whole Like I commented on it before,
• 50:27
  Speaker 6: like he doesn't even look autistic, like sometimes those comments
• 50:30
  Speaker 6: are very hurtful. So and it could take different different
• 50:34
  Speaker 6: moms would feel different way. I guess what I would
• 50:38
  Speaker 6: want people to take away from this would be like
• 50:40
  Speaker 6: just you know, kind of like have patients on the kid,
• 50:43
  Speaker 6: but also have patience on the moms because we're struggling here.
• 50:46
  Speaker 6: You know, you see us like have some grace, like
• 50:50
  Speaker 6: you know, you see us like carrying this like load
• 50:52
  Speaker 6: and it's a lot. It's it's really a lot.
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 50:55
  Speaker 6: Sometimes we're on sleep. Sometimes you know, we're like on
• 50:58
  Speaker 6: two hours and super caffeine because you know, we're running
• 51:02
  Speaker 6: around like a chicke of go ahead, try to make
• 51:05
  Speaker 6: sure this is done. This is done because a lot
• 51:07
  Speaker 6: of them can't do it themselves. So we're working for
• 51:09
  Speaker 6: two humans, you know, so just give us a little
• 51:12
  Speaker 6: bit more grace, a little bit more, you know. You know,
• 51:15
  Speaker 6: we have all these fears, all these anxieties, all these things,
• 51:17
  Speaker 6: and sometimes that's why we're not too sociable like everybody else's,
• 51:22
  Speaker 6: you know, because we are too struggling. And you know,
• 51:27
  Speaker 6: just like you see me and Ashley, we both were diagnosed.
• 51:29
  Speaker 6: So you know, possibly if your kid has to you
• 51:34
  Speaker 6: might be the parent that gave it to them, or
• 51:36
  Speaker 6: the dad or you know. So sometimes just a little
• 51:39
  Speaker 6: bit more grace from people, That's what I would say.
• 51:41
  Speaker 6: And just smile. Nothing costs anything to smile at them.
• 51:44
  Speaker 6: You know, we're not different. We're not like just because
• 51:47
  Speaker 6: you see someone simming, he's not like there's nothing wrong.
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: You know, he's just letting out his like energy is
• 51:54
  Speaker 6: just a happy dance, like I call it just you know,
• 51:57
  Speaker 6: you can smile. You don't have to. It doesn't have
• 51:59
  Speaker 6: to be anything bad. We're the safe you know, it's
• 52:02
  Speaker 6: still the same. And yeah, that's it, you know, like
• 52:07
  Speaker 6: just give us a little bit of grace. We're just
• 52:10
  Speaker 6: trying to get our kids there and make them successful.
• 52:12
  Speaker 6: That's it. But that's what we're doing. And you can
• 52:17
  Speaker 6: find me. I'm pretty much. My name is Selena s
• 52:21
  Speaker 6: E l E N E E Underscore eighty nine and
• 52:24
  Speaker 6: all platforms.
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: All right, We definitely thank you ladies for coming out
• 52:29
  Speaker 4: today actually, and Serlena, we definitely appreciate everything that you
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: have to get to this podcast today. We want to
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: thank Queen Angela with the Creep with the Crew podcast
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: for allowing us to be on this platform today. We
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: want to thank Sissy, my co host. She has some
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: technical difficulties but she's not here right now, but I
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: definitely know that she's here in spirit right now with us.
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: You guys can reach us at any time on our
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: platforms on TikTok, I know it's Cissy is at Cissy
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: one one, two five one. You can reach her there.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: You can reach me as well at Dwayne Turned Silk
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: on TikTok and we also have a TikTok for our podcast.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: Also is Extra Scoop Podcast. You can reach us on
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: there at Dwayne's Turned Silk is my platforms on Instagram,
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: on x you can reach me there also on YouTube
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: as well. Just thank you. I want to thank everyone
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: again just for coming out, and we're definitely going to
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: do this again because there's a lot of information to
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: talk about in this moment, the bullying aspect, the just
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: caring about others aspect, and so we'll have to get
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: with Sissy and probably revisit this another time. But I
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: want to thank you guys for coming out today and
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: I really appreciate the time. And with that, you want
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: to most definitely want to thank everyone out there in
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: the space that's listening. Thank you for enjoying this podcast
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: today and showing up. And this again is Extra Scoop
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: Podcast where we're anything but bite size. Have a good evening.
• 54:03
  Speaker 6: Thank you YouTube via uh huh h
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: M hm