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How Did You End Up With a Narcissist In The First Place? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So how did you end up with a narcissist in the 1st place?
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  Like how did you get into this relationship in the first damn
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  place? Like war?
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  Where did they come from? How did you end up in this toxic
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  relationship dynamic? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
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  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back yes, the
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  narcissist code. Yep, Yep, Yep.
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  How did you end up with a narcissist?
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  Y'all like first I, I want y'all as the audience, as my
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  subscribers, as my peoples, my supporters drop it in the
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  comment section. How you think you ended up with
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  a narcissist right Drop in the comment section and then we're
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  going to go away. I'm, I'm going to go over my
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  thoughts right here, right? Narcissistic people, of course,
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  are very rarely going to show you who they really are upfront.
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  That just doesn't happen. That doesn't happen a lot, does
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  it? Like a narcissist is very rarely
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  going to look at you in your face and be like, you know what?
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  I'm a be, I'm an abuser, I'm a manipulator.
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  I'll be beating asses, I'll be lying, I'll be cheating, I'll be
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  doing all of this. Very rarely are they going to do
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  that right? What they actually will do is
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  present themselves as who you are looking for.
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  This is why you get a lot of narcissists.
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  Not every single one of these, but This is why you get a lot of
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  narcissists who ask the question.
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  What are you looking for? What are you looking for in a
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  significant other? What are you looking for in a
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  man or woman? And then y'all who don't know
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  any better. So I'm going to take it easy on
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  you. You answer the question with
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  such depth, with such a good description.
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  You know what you want out of a person, right?
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  You know what you're looking for.
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  So when you tell this narcissistic person exactly what
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  you're looking for, they become it.
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  They do. So this is one way you end up in
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  a relationship with a narcissist because they lied to you.
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  They don't tell you who they really are upfront.
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  They feed you full, they feed you this BS.
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  They feed you these lies, this manipulation, all this kind of
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  crap in order to get you to fall in love with them.
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  And then once you fall in love with them, they got you right.
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  Once you fall in love with them, they feel like they got you
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  trapped. They feel like they got you
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  stuck. They feel like you're not going
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  anywhere. I got you.
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  I got your ass. Now you're not going anywhere.
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  And then a lot of times it is too late.
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  You don't have a kid with them. You know, I say you've had a
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  child with them. You've moved in with them.
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  Y'all have bought a car together, bought a house
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  together. You didn't Co signed something
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  for them. They'd have moved in with you
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  and signed the leader, added them to the lease.
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  Y'all have met each other's parents, each other's children.
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  It could be damn near too late. Of course, not too late to end
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  the relationship, right? But it's too late to just turn
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  your feelings off and just go your separate ways.
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  It could be very well past that deadline, right?
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  But what happens a lot of times in these situations is that
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  people don't realize they're dealing with a narcissist as a
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  person until it's too late. So that's how one way you end up
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  with an artist because you just don't know that they're a
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  narcissist, right? You don't know who they really
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  are because they're a lie. They they, they're lying.
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  They obfuscate, they give you half truths.
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  They just let you talk, right? They let you talk and then you,
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  you know, hey, they let you talk and you feel like you, you've
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  never had anybody that listened to you like this, right?
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  You've never had anybody that just let you speak and you're
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  just enthralled with this person.
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  You're just like, Oh my goodness, I never had anybody
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  just let me talk my head off. Just let me talk.
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  And we talked and talked and they listened.
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  I never had somebody to listen to me like this.
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  Oh, my goodness. Turns out they were just
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  information gathering. They were just gathering Intel
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  in order to pretend to be who you're looking for.
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  That happens a lot, right? So that's one way that you end
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  up in a narcissistic relationship.
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  Another way is that that you were born in a chaotic
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  household, a chaotic, toxic household.
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  Like narcissism damn near is an everyday way of life for you.
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  Isn't it like when you grow up in a type of household dynamic,
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  though? So many people grow up in
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  narcissism, toxic relationship dynamics or damn near a way of
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  life. This is what this is all you
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  know, it's it gets to a it's a very you can lead a very
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  difficult life when chaos is your normal.
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  So if you grow up in a chaotic, abusive, neglectful household, a
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  lot of times you're going to end up in a toxic relationship
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  dynamic, right? Because in abusive situation
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  that is hard for you to leave because this is your normal.
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  Chaos is your normal, right? You don't think it's as bad as
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  it is sometimes because you had it worse when you were growing
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  up, right? Well, my mom used to beat on my
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  dad. My dad used to beat on my mom.
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  So my partner at least doesn't hit me.
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  They cheat on me, they lie to me, they steal for me, they put
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  me down, they do all this other stuff.
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  But hey, they never put my hand. They never put their hands on
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  me. So it's not as bad as my mom and
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  dad. So you see, I'm saying you see,
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  a chaotic household can lead you into this toxic relationship
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  dynamic and that sucks for so many people because our children
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  deserve to grow up better than we did.
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  So if you right now, just so this is a wake up call to some
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  people that are in a toxic relationship right now that are
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  I need to stay for the kids. You need to stay for the kids so
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  your kids can undergo. Kids can see a chaotic hobby in
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  a chaotic environment where chaos and abuse becomes their
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  normal. You need to stay in that
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  relationship. You see what I'm saying?
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  You see what I'm alluding to, right?
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  Imagine your children be you. You being in a Natasha
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  relationship dynamic, right? And your children growing up in
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  a Natasha relationship, you seeing the toxicity, but you not
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  leaving. And you, like I said, you don't
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  make a plan to leave. You're not protecting the kids,
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  whatever the case may be. And then you stay in it and then
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  your children end up in a toxic relationship themselves.
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  That happens too. That happens too.
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  That does and this could be a wake up call because what when
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  your kids end up in a toxic relationship in their adulthood,
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  it's going to be very difficult for them to take advice from you
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  or listen to you because they don't say, hey, you stayed in a
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  toxic relationship. My relationship isn't as bad as
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  yours. So you see how not only did you
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  grow up in a toxic household, they laid you into toxic
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  relationship. Your kids could be doing the
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  same thing you. The cycle could be continuing.
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  It isn't. And this is in no way, shape or
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  form me trying to victim blame anybody because I know, I know
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  it's, it's you can't everybody just can't snap a finger and
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  click. They click their red heels
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  together, right and wish you were home and leave their
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  relationship. I wish I was single.
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  I wish I was single. I wish I was single.
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  That doesn't happen. You say you can be wishing and
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  hoping and praying for all of that, this type of stuff.
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  But until some type of definitive action is taken that
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  that nothing's going to change right there, right?
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  Nothing's going to change. Nothing's going to happen.
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  So like I said, your kids could be grown up in a toxic
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  relationship dynamic and they could end up in the same
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  situation you do. And I know they can be
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  heartbreaking for some people I've talked to, I've talked to
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  some people one-on-one that don't, that are in touch
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  relationships, that don't want their children to end up in
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  touch relationships because they're modeling their
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  relationship. They'd be heartbreaking to some
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  people, right? So sometimes the same way you
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  ended in the time ended up in a touch relationship could be the
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  same way your kids ended up in a touch relationship, right?
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  But our kids are our kids are resilient.
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  They know I say you can talk to them and things like that.
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  You you can help them achieve a better relationship outcome than
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  you did. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's definitely a possibility right there.
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  So that's another way you can end up in a touch relationship
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  dynamic. Another way.
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  Y'all seriously another way? Is this a simple fact that
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  you're like, yeah, yeah, this is happy happenstance, right?
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  You meet this person and you like say you meet this person.
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  They lie about who they are, but then they just they love bomb
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  you sometimes narcissists are not always lying about who they
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  are from. Let's say let me let me sidebar.
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  Sorry, sorry. Come over here.
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  Come over here, guys, come over here.
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  Sidebar. Not every narcissist lies up
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  front. Some of them will tell you the
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  absolute truth, right? They'll tell you that they've
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  been abusive in the past. They'll tell you that they've
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  been lying and cheating in the past.
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  They'll tell you that they've been horrible people in the
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  past, right? But that's behind them.
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  You know, selective honesty is a real thing.
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  They will be truthful to you upfront in order to get you to
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  trust them, in order to get you to feel for them, in order to
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  get you to go in the same direction that they want to go
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  in, right? They will move with you.
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  They'll tell you the truth straight up like I've cheated
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  on, I've had 15X's, I've cheated on 16 of them.
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  And you'll be like, wait, whoa, how you cheat on you cheated on
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  you cheated on more X's than you had.
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  Yeah, I, I, I pre, I pre cheated one time, right?
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  Pre cheat, pre cheating, just crazy.
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  But they will tell you this straight up stuff up front and
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  then you, because they didn't have to tell you this, you will
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  trust them. There wasn't the truth can end
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  up he can help you in an entire relationship, right?
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  The truth can help you get there because they told you the truth.
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  They told you that they're abusive.
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  They told you they've been able to.
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  They told you that they lied and cheated and did all this bad
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  stuff to their to their old family members.
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  They told you that, you see what I'm saying?
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  But you trust them. And sometimes this selective
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  honesty, dishonesty upfront makes you trust them a little
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  bit more, right? And when you trust them a little
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  bit more, of course you're going to take that chance with them.
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  You're like, damn well you, you were honest with me.
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  I might as well give you a chance, right?
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  People, people deserve a second chance.
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  People deserve blah, blah blah, BBB, you see what I'm saying?
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  All that type of stuff ends up happening.
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  So you think you people, these people deserve a second chance
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  because they were open and honest with you, but they're
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  still lying to you in a different They're just lying to
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  you in a different way. You see, this is a part of it
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  too. They're just lying to you in a
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  different way. Could they be lying their asses
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  off? Don't they?
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  Like seriously? But that's a different space to
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  be in as well. Like these narcissistic, toxic
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  Lyme bastards will just keep doing the same things over and
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  over and over again because this is who they are at their core,
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  you know? But again, they, they're honest
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  to you upfront and then they start to reveal their true
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  colors later on. They started to lie to you.
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  They promised, they told you they were a liar.
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  They started to cheat on you. They told you they, they told
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  you that they were a cheater in a previous life, in the previous
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  relationship, They'll do every single thing that they told you
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  that they wouldn't do. They'll do every single thing
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  that they were upfront to you about, right?
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  But again, you still might trust them and we're not, you still
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  might not leave because they were honest to you.
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  So that's how it ends up right there.
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  And a lot of times, we all, a lot of people end up in these
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  relationships. And let's it be real.
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  There's a small contingent of people that end up in toxic
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  relationships because they themselves are toxic as well,
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  right? Let's just be real.
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  And this might not apply to you. So this doesn't apply to you.
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  Hit the subscribe button will holler at you later, right?
• 11:01
  Book a one-on-one over Zoom or take one of my courses at
• 11:03
  mentalillness.net. But some people are also toxic,
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  right? Not everyone who ends up in a
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  toxic relationship is a an empath or codependent person,
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  right? Not everyone who ends up in a
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  toxic relationship is a good person.
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  Some people are also toxic, right?
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  So yeah, yeah, again, look at the chaotic households that some
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  of y'all grew up in. You might have had a toxic,
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  abusive mom and a manipulative, toxic, abusive dad.
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  You see what I'm saying? Both of your parents could have
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  been toxic because two, sometimes 2 toxic people do end
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  up together. And sometimes it does last you
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  see, it doesn't always have to be 1 doesn't always like a
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  narcissistic relationship. It's not always a battle between
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  good and evil, right? Sometimes it's evil on evil who
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  can beat them Eviler that is evil versus eviler, evil versus
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  evil list or whatever the case may be.
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  So some people that end up in touch relationships are not this
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  is good people. There are some horrible ass
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  people out there that end up in touch relationship dynamics.
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  There are some hard like look at the look at the look at the
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  political front. There are some horrible ass
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  politicians. You see them in the news all the
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  time, blind, manipulating, just doing the most the worst type of
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  shit possible to humanity. And somebody will marry that
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  person and they're almost equally or just as bad as that
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  person. So you have two political evil
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  bastards out here or two, I have two religious evil people.
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  You know what I'm saying? That ends up happening.
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  So not all good people end up with narcissists.
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  Some people are just as bad as a narcissist and ends up with
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  this. People end up with this person.
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  And the last thing I'll say y'all, I know this video is
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  going a little longer than normal, but some people end up
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  in touch relationships because of the religious dynamic, right?
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  Because of the religious space they end up in it.
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  They that's what ends up happening.
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  Y'all get coaxed into it on arranged marriages and things of
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  that nature. I've talked to some people, so
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  many people of the the Muslim faith that have ended up in
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  touch relationship because they got they they literally got
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  arranged marriage into an abusive relationship, which
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  sucks, which sucks because you can't do a lot of times you
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  can't do anything about it. You got arranged marriage to an
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  abuser is wow. So religion can play a role in
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  how you end up in a toxic relationship dynamic as well,
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  y'all. And a lot of people, you know,
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  it's not just Muslim, not as Islam, right?
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  It could be in the Hindu faith. It can be Christianity.
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  Absolutely. Yeah, I know Christians like, Oh
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  my goodness. Yeah, No, absolutely,
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  absolutely. They'd be happening so much.
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  Y'all you got religiously or spiritually manipulated into
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  being in Natasha relationship. God sit me here.
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  God told me to be with you, right?
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  That's crazy. Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe,
• 13:39
  but you having y'all and make sure you tune in for the first
• 13:41
  episode of the podcast, which is releasing this week.
• 13:44
  The mental illness podcast is launching soon.
• 13:46
  Peace.