Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 103 - How to move on after an argument

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 103 - How to move on after an argument · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning From the Chicken Coop Podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop along with all her chickens.
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  Hey, everybody. Good morning from the chicken
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  coop. So today I want to talk to you a
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  little bit about what happens when you get into an argument.
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  Because I think that, you know, it's inevitable if you're a
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  human being, you're going to get in an argument with another
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  person and maybe many people. You're going to argue with
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  yourself about things. You're going to definitely argue
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  with other individuals that are in your family, friends,
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  whatever it might be. There will be arguments that
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  will ensue and when they take place, how you handle it is
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  everything. How you handle yourself in the
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  argument is everything. But really, quite frankly, how
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  you deal with that argument and what that means to you is going
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  to be a huge factor in your healing process and moving
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  forward in it. But it's also just an emotional
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  growth spurt for us as human beings if we can understand our
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  offenses, why it happens and moving forward.
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  So let's just talk about the fact that, OK, let's say you get
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  into an argument with your spouse, your partner.
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  It could be anybody that's pretty close to you.
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  And if you're close with somebody, it is definitely
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  evident that you will get into an argument with that person.
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  Because it's next to impossible to be with a person for a good
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  period of your life and not have a serious argument at some point
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  in time where you are in such a disagreement and you just don't
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  like each other and you, you know, I often will joke around
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  and say, hey, I love my husband beyond words and beyond measure,
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  but there doesn't mean I don't want a throat punch him some
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  days. And it is true.
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  And it is possible to feel two things at the same time, and one
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  of them is anger and one of them is love And how you handle
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  yourself to get past it so that you can move on and truly create
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  something and not take it with you is a major factor in self
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  development and health, mental health.
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  So let's say you have an argument with somebody and you
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  know in your mind you were right because we're always thinking
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  we're right because that's our position.
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  So we are always going to hang on to the fact that we are
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  right. And maybe we are right.
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  Maybe there is a point where we are right, but let's just it
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  doesn't matter. We're not talking right and
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  wrong right this minute. What we're talking about is how
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  you move past it. But in your head, you're still
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  thinking about the right thing. So the very first thing you have
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  to discern is that you don't need to hang on to being right
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  If you're choosing to be happy, OK.
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  And I think that's an important distinction.
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  If you want to be happy with the other person, you have to choose
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  to be happy. Now, I'm assuming in this
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  conversation that you don't want to get rid of the other person,
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  that you do want to stay with the other person.
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  Now this is a completely different story.
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  If you've decided I just don't want to be with this person
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  anymore. I don't want to have this person
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  in my life, whether it be friends, employee, partner,
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  whatever it might be, spouse. If you have made a hard decision
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  that you don't want them there anymore, than the strategies are
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  different. But I'm going to assume for this
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  conversation that you do want to have the person there and that
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  you do want to be happy. So you have to remind yourself
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  first and foremost, my most important thing in my life is to
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  be happy. Because if I'm happy and I'm
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  focused on being happy, then I can heal myself.
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  I can heal the aggravation, I can heal what's going on and I
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  don't have to hang on to it. And as Gandhi said, I refuse to
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  allow others to walk through my mind with their dirty feet,
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  which just basically boils down to meaning, I'm not going to let
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  somebody else and their anger or whatever they did to me stay
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  with me. And that's what we're talking
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  about. You're just not going to allow
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  it to stay with you because it's more important to move on and be
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  happy. So let's assume you, you want to
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  do that and you say, I want to be happy, OK.
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  And then 3 minutes later you're still irritated with it.
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  So what do you do? How do you get past this?
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  And I think I hear this so often that it really is something to
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  be addressed within yourself if this is coming up for you often,
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  if you are finding yourself constantly having these moments
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  where you're just so aggravated and you can't seem to let go of
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  it and move on and let go of it and move on, just truly let go
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  of it and move on. Well, for me, the trick that I
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  find that works the most is to remind myself that I only I am
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  in charge of what goes on in my head, Nobody else.
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  I don't want to let other people be in charge of it, because if I
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  do, then how can I possibly take care of my own mental health and
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  well-being if I'm letting other people come in and make
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  decisions in my head for me? So what stops me from getting
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  hooked and staying hooked? That's the key.
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  Staying hooked doesn't mean I don't get hooked.
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  It just means I don't stay hooked, is just reminding
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  myself, Hey, hold on here. I had to pause because I'm not
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  going to let this keep getting me Now.
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  Will it happen multiple times throughout the course of, you
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  know, the day or the week? If it's if it's something big,
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  sure. But I have to keep reminding
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  myself repeatedly, No, this is not what we said.
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  We said it was important to be happy.
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  We said we were going to move forward.
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  You mended it with the other person and even though you said
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  fine, let's just move on, I was still aggravated.
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  You can't let it stay with you because you made the choice to
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  move forward and you have to stop yourself from looping back
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  to it. Because the next time that
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  person has an offence, the next time that person does something,
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  you're going to be going into this mode of stacking where
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  you're putting multiple things on top of each other.
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  So it's, you know, the proverbial straw that broke the
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  camel's back. We have to avoid that because
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  it's very easy to stack events. And when you're mad about one
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  thing, not really. You're mad about 25 things that
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  you've still been hanging on to and you've never really let them
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  go, which is what this conversation is about.
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  Angry. Yes, you can be angry.
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  Can you hang on to it? No.
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  The longer you hang on to it, the more you suffer because it
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  eats away at you and it chips away at you.
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  So do you have to continuously chip back at it and say, Nope,
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  that's not the way I'm going to be?
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  Nope. That's not what I'm thinking
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  about. Nope.
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  That's not how this is going to go, 100%.
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  And you have to remind yourself over and over and over.
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  This is not who I choose to be. This is not the way I choose to
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  show up. I chose to let it go.
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  I choose happiness and you move on.
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  And then that person or those people.
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  Nobody has any power over you at that point because you'd get to
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  decide what things mean to you. If you want to be angry, be
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  angry. But do it consciously.
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  And I will always tell you that yeah, angry will move you, but
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  happiness will thrill you and happiness will put you in a
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  better place and you'll attract more of the things you really
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  look for. So always look for that place
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  that you can let go, mend the bridges, do what you need to do,
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  especially if you've decided you want to stay in the
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  relationship. So once you bottom line that,
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  then it's all about moving up from there.
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  So I hope this was helpful and I will see you guys tomorrow
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  morning. Have a blessed day everybody.
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  Bye.