Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / How To Not Be The Creepy Aunt Or Grandpa This Season

Transcript

How To Not Be The Creepy Aunt Or Grandpa This Season · Aging ain't for Sissies

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to AG Name for Sissies.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backis and I am your host.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: Hello, all of my friends and listeners out there.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: I hope you're having a good day.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: We are, you know, I'll tell you something.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: If you leave on a vacation at the beginning of October and you show back up at the end of October, you are slammed right into the holiday seasons.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if Thanksgiving's already happened or it hasn't.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: It's Christmas tomorrow.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: I it really, really has messed with me this year.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: You come back, the holiday commercials are on in full force.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: Decorations.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Even the city has lights on the trees here in Chicago already.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: It truly is messing with me.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: And that holiday season is coming quickly.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot going on.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: This week on my other podcast, Inside Marcy's Mind, we're going to be talking about the government shutdown and travel because that's going to be affecting a lot of us.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to give whatever insights, hints, and tricks I can on that one.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be having some kids traveling during that time.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And I have warned them that it could be bad.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: And if they don't make it here, that's okay.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: Giving people grace during this time and all the things that are happening is super important.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: If you can help feed someone during this time, do that.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: If you can give to your local feed bank, do that.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: If your church has some sort of giving program, do that.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: This is a terrible time for people to be out of work.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: This is a terrible time for food insecurities to be heightened.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: It's never good, but holiday time is 10 times worse.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: So if you have a good bone in your body, go out there and do something for someone.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: Even if you can help just one family, it is a great thing.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: If you have more than someone else, always give back.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: All right, so this week.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: How to survive the holidays without scaring the grandkids.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Don't be the creepy aunt, don't be the creepy old person.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: This is what we're going to talk about.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: So I want to welcome you to the show.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: If you are new, this is where we talk about surviving life after 50, wrinkles, wisdom, and way too many opinions on how to carve a turkey.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: The holidays are coming, family gatherings, awkward conversation, and that cousin that still hasn't figured out how to cook without using a can opener.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to talk about how not listen to me carefully.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Not be that dodgy old person this season.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: The one who sits in the corner and wonders why nobody talks to them.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Spoil alert, it's because you're giving creepy doll in the attic vibes.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Let's fix that.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Don't be that creepy old person.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: At the gathering, I work very hard and always have to relate to kids.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking specifically about the younger generation.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: Older people are creepy to them.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: They just are.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: They were to us, they always will be.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Don't be that person.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: I have a little friend, Isaac, who um is our pastor's youngest son.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: And he and I have bonded on the Wednesday night dinners, and we are friends.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: And I had been gone for a couple weeks.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: And when I walked into the room this week, his eyes lit up.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: That does my heart good.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: That didn't happen by accident.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: That happened by me working very hard at creating a relationship with him.
3:51
SPEAKER_00: Talking about things like Legos and dinosaurs and things that matter to him.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: I worked hard on that relationship, and it is paying off for both of us.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: He's worked hard at it too.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: He's continued to be my friend.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: He's been continuing to happy to be see me.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: It all started on a Wednesday night when I came down the stairs and he looked sad and I asked him why.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: And he said, because he couldn't find his mom.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: And Katie is always working in the kitchen and doing things.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: We couldn't find her.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: And I took that opportunity to create a bond and a relationship with him.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: This is what you need to do, people.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: It's not, you are not the grand hom and the grand whatever man version is of that, to sit and have everyone bow at your feet.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: It is your job to get your act together, find out what the young people are talking about, talk about it, and you know what you'll find out?
4:43
SPEAKER_00: They're interested in what you're interested in after you are interested in them first.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: I've I've gotten on my soapbox.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: I've I've but let's let's talk about it.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: So the first thing we're going to talk about is the ghost of Christmas awkward.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: We've all been to those family gatherings where the older folks look like they're waiting for the early bird special to start.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Kids are running around, teens are glued to their phones, grandpa's staring into the void.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: News flash, the holidays are about connection.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: Not perfect pies, not politics for God's sakes.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: And if you open with the kids these days, you've already lost the crowd.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: They don't want to lecture, they want to be feel seen and not judged.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: So my first suggestion is figure out what they're interested in right now.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what 6'7 is?
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Do you know who Kendrick Lamar is?
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Do you know who Sabrina Carpenter is?
5:43
SPEAKER_00: Do you know who Taylor Swift is?
5:47
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what they're talking about?
5:50
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what they're looking on their phones?
5:52
SPEAKER_00: Do you know the latest TikTok craze?
5:55
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what Instagram is?
5:58
SPEAKER_00: If you don't know any of those things, figure out what they are before the holidays.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: Meet them at their level, then they'll meet you at your level.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Learn.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: Figure out.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: Go online.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Go to Amazon and just if you've got young kids from one to four, put in what toys would I buy for a one to four year old?
6:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling you to buy the toys.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you to look at the characters, learn them.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Do you know who Bluey is?
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Do you know who Peppa the Pig is?
6:26
SPEAKER_00: I probably don't even know who the latest craziest is.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: Dora the Explorer.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Figure it out.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: Find out who they are.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: Buy a toy.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: Bring it.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: Bring some Legos and build with the kids.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Bring some blocks.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: Get on the floor.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Have some fun.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: Talk to them about what they know.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: Don't sit there expecting them to come and bow at your feet like you are the be all end-all.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: You are the creepy old person in the room.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: Don't be that person.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Meet them at their level.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: Get on the floor.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: If you can't get on the floor, tell them, you know what, it's hard for me to get on the floor.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Let's play Legos on the table.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Let's do whatever it is that makes those kids happy.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Make sure your breath doesn't stink.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Make sure your skin looks the best you can.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: I have creepy old people hands.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing I can do about it.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: They are crunchy, as my great nephew Ellen calls them.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: If they call you out on something, why do you have spots on your hand?
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Explain it to them.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: But don't let them be embarrassed.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Don't make them afraid.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Do not, do not make them afraid.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: We move different as we age.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: We're a little stiffer.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: We're a little slower.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: It can seem a little creepy.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: Make it uncree.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: Make fun of yourself.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: I call my hands the claws.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: That's what my kids call them.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: I tell my great nieces and nephews and my great-greats, that's what they are.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: They're the claws.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: It's what I got.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: They don't hurt, they work just fine.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry if they creep you out.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: But honestly, they're just like normal hands, a little crunchy.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: Talk to them where they're at.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Meet them where they're at.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: If you have a big old mole, if you got something on your face, if they tell you you got brown teeth, go roll with it.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Tell them that's what happens when you get older.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this happens to your teeth.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: Don't make them afraid of you.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: Make them want to be with you.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: How to be approachable.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: Being approachable isn't just learning the TikTok dances, though they are a good way to do it.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: It's about curiosity and connection.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Ask, don't assume.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Show me the funniest meme you've seen this week.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Beats, why are you on that phone?
8:40
SPEAKER_00: Don't say, why are you on that phone?
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Say, what's the funniest thing you saw on the internet this week?
8:46
SPEAKER_00: What did you see?
8:47
SPEAKER_00: What did you learn on the internet this week?
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any new apps that you think I might like?
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Meet them where you're at.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Be curious.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: Don't be creepy.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Ask about their interests.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: Not their relationship status.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a boyfriend?
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a girlfriend?
9:03
SPEAKER_00: Nobody cares.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: Find out common ground.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: What great food did you try this week?
9:08
SPEAKER_00: Or is there any new favorite ice cream flavors?
9:12
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a new favorite cookie place?
9:15
SPEAKER_00: Do you have something new?
9:16
SPEAKER_00: Ask them.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: Invite them to speak to you on their level.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Compliment them.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: You look great.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: Works better than when I was your age, I wore sensible shoes.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: If they're wearing high heels, go, wow, you learned to walk in high heels this year.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I can't walk in them anymore.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: I wish I could.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: Talk to them, meet them on what their level is.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: Tell them they look good.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: Even if their hair is purple, yellow, and green.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: Give them a compliment.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: They just want to be different.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: They're just standing out.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: Everybody wearing a white shirt and a black tie going to work as days gone by.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not coming back.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: Get over it, move on, and enjoy what kids are doing now.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: Be grateful that they're there at a holiday.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: Be grateful that they are engaging.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Don't shame them.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: Don't shame them for their phones.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: Hell, I'm on my phone all the time.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: Be a wonderful old person.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: Make them excited to see you next year.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Not like, oh God.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And for God's sakes, don't.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: And I am going to repeat this over and over.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't make anybody hug you.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Hug me.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: No.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: If a young person, I am grateful that Brooke and Chris, my great niece and nephew, always hug me.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: I never demand that.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: And I tell their parents, don't say hug her.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: If it comes from the heart, it's great.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Nobody should be made.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to touch anybody they don't want to touch.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: Don't make kids hug you and tell your kids to not make the grandkids hug you.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: If you've got a good relationship, that grandkid's gonna hug you out of love.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: The golden rule of the holidays: don't be a guestzilla.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Follow these commandments.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: Don't show up empty handed, bring wine, cookies, or a charm.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: Bring something.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: Offer to help, chop, stir, or distract the in-laws.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: Don't rearrange the host's kitchen.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: You're not on HGTV.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Keep your opinions, politics, and potato salad to yourself.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't dominate the conversation with your ailments and the latest drugs you're on.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: Save your knee story for January.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: Let the young folks have their slang and oat milk.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Don't make fun of them.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: You survive disco.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: They'll survive this.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Say thank you twice.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is classy.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: You are not the be-all end-all at that holiday event.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: You are bringing the wise wisdom and bring it in a fun and enlightened manner.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Don't bang everybody over the head with it.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: The kids aren't creeped out.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: You are.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes kids avoid you because you're uncomfortable being around them and that they sense it.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Don't be scared of them.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: You were young once.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Sit on the floor.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Ask what they're into.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Tell them to tell you about their music.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Tell them to tell you about the latest TikTok craze.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: Be silly.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: When they see you laugh at yourself, they'll real relax.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: If you can't get up easy off the floor, make fun of yourself.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: It takes the heat off everyone else.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: That's when connections happen.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: Let go of pride and lean into playfulness.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Do it.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be a better holiday.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: I've given you a lot to think about.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: I've put a lot on your plate.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: But I don't want you to be that creepy old person.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to be.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: And trust me, people, when one of your parents is feeling that way, or an older person at your gathering, give them some insight.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Tell them to ask the kids.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Tell them what to ask the kids.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Tell them where to meet the kids.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Help them.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Don't just sit there and go, oh, grandpa's being grandpa again.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: And for God's sakes, don't be curmudgeony, people.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: Here's the recipe: equal parts curiosity, kindness, and letting go of control.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: If your daughter-in-law doesn't do the way you did it, oh well, she does it her way.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: Give it up, grandma.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm terrible.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: I am on my high horse today, and I'm sorry.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: But nothing, I have worked really hard my whole life.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: I've been an aunt since I was 10 years old.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: I am a great, great aunt now.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: I never want to be the creepy one in the room.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: But I am not as young as I used to be, and I do have to work at it, and I've always worked at it.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: They are important to me, and I never want Chris and Brooke to think, oh God, Aunt Marcy's coming.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: That would, I'm getting teared up.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: That would break my heart.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: I want them to be excited that I'm coming.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: God's sweet Brooke last time cleaned the bathroom that we share so it was sparkling.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: It made my heart sing.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: She did that for me because she loves me.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: I text them while Chris is away at college and I get a text back.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: I continue trying to relate.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Brooke is going tomorrow to the state championships for swimming relay.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: I saw that on Instagram because I follow her swim team on Instagram and allowed me to tell her I was proud of her.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Work at it all year long.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: Don't think that on Christmas and Thanksgiving it's going to be a miracle.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Continue to work on these relationships.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: They are important.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: If something burns, laugh.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: If someone's late, pour another glass.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: If the conversation gets weird, pivot to gratitude.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to be perfect.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: Just be real, joyful, and present.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Joyful.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Don't be a curmudgeon.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: Be joyful.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: We all have it in us to fall into that curmudgeonness.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: We all do.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Even I am a positive person.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Even I fall into that, but don't.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to remember your dish, but they'll remember, they won't remember your dish, excuse me.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: But they will remember how you made them feel.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: Make them feel good.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: Make them feel good about themselves.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: Make them feel positive.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: All right.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: It's not a very long episode today, but this is an important one.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: Let's all promise to be the fun aunt, the cool uncle, or the grandparent who actually listens.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: Don't be dodgy, don't be cranky, don't be one the kids don't want to sit next to.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Be the one that they save a seat and say, Grandma, sit here.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Auntie M, sit here.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Not the one they whisper about later.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: Because aging ain't for sissies, but neither is spending a weekend with your entire family.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm Marcy.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm reminding you to stay curious, stay kind, and keep your creepy energy in check.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: And remember, go out and do something positive in this world.